


Breaking Point

by Alania



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crockpot Slowburn, F/M, Hux smoking, I forgot to pre-heat the oven, I love Stormtroopers let's start some shit, Kaytaka, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Mitonnix, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Reylo - Freeform, Reylux - Freeform, Reyux, Schrödinger's Snoke, Slow Burn, Stormpilot, Stormtrooper Culture, Threesome - F/M/M, burn so slow you could smoke meat, sin - longform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:03:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 52
Words: 286,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alania/pseuds/Alania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU diverging at the point of Starkiller's destruction: General Hux is ordered to bring Kylo Ren back to Snoke alive, but chooses to collect Rey and Finn as well. </p><p>When a lifetime is spent moving in one direction, just to have that direction blown carelessly out of the sky, there's a dangerous void left waiting to be filled by something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m fairly certain that I should have them both put down before they wake.”

Despite how confident he sounded about this, General Hux did not look inclined to perform any more murders on that particular day. In the cramped cargo hold of the ship hurtling through light speed, he looked about as disposed to move as the other three passengers did. He, however, was the only completely uninjured one. Any blood on his hands that day would be the blood of others, both physical and metaphorical. His greatest complaint was how little room there was left now that he’d taken Kylo Ren along with the Resistance fighters he’d been grappling with.

He’d found them all, as good as dead, when he arrived. In a moment of foolishness, he collected two more strays than he’d been sent for, and took no time in regretting it.

“Is that an order, sir?” The only other passenger in the hold spoke, pausing in his duty. It was a Stormtrooper who’d been assigned to perform some hasty treatment on the massive shoulder and facial injuries Kylo Ren was currently bleeding out from, and though every ‘trooper was well versed in emergency first aid, this kind of injury was something altogether out of his scope of ability. He’d probably have felt better shooting the lot of them right in their temple, than trying to save the man’s arm.

General Hux let the thought stew for a moment too long, pressing the nail of his thumb to his lips while he considered it with superficial amusement. That same hand waved the ‘trooper away, along with the shake of his head.

“Get back to your duties, soldier.” He commanded, rewarded with a sharp ‘yes sir’ in response.

The other male was also dying, though no one was tending to his grievous injuries. It felt wasteful - he knew the man would be killed the moment Supreme Leader Snoke was made aware of his presence. The girl was simply knocked out, suffering only from minor scrapes and lacerations. Kylo Ren had hardly laid a finger on her. 

Curious.

He sat on a crate, his back crouched with an uncharacteristic slump. His hand rested on his knee, and the other held a cigarette between two fingers, watching it burn away without ever bringing it to his lips.

He thought that quite a brilliant metaphor, indeed.

“Is she hurt?”

His eyes pulled away from the burn of his cigarette to look up at Kylo Ren, who hadn’t moved from the cot he laid in and had no business being awake in his physical state. General Hux scoffed at the question, finally standing up and straightening out his back with a stretch.  
“Worry about yourself. Haven’t you noticed? She’s done quite a number on you.”

The cigarette was placed on his lips, finally taking a long and satisfying drag. It was the perfect excuse to really look at Kylo Ren’s injuries, and by the time he exhaled the puff of smoke into the air, one thing was made clear to him.

“You’re going to lose that arm.”

“Answer the question.”

The man could hardly open his eyes, and yet he was so viciously focused on one thing that Hux wondered if he could even be bothered to feel his own pain. Would the rush of it come tumbling back, once he knew how safe she really was?

Hux was suddenly very interested in finding out.

“She’s perfectly fine. Whole, unlike you. I wouldn’t have guessed she was even in a battle if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. Quite the spectacle, from a distance. Was it just as interesting up close?”

He watched as the man turned his head, and waited for some recognition of pain. When he saw nothing, he felt cheated. Perhaps he’d felt it all along, after all. But without his mask, General Hux expected the man to be as easy to read as he always was.

He saw nothing in that lifeless face.

“The Supreme Leader wants her.” Kylo Ren muttered as a belated explanation for his interest, before he closed his eyes and feigned sleep. This was not news to General Hux - he’d heard the command just before leaving Snoke’s cavern, but he still found himself doubting that to be the only reason why a dying man wished to know if his killer was still alive beside him.

So he turned to the girl instead, confident enough in her sedation to lean in and take a good look at her face.

“Oh, Scavenger.” He muttered, his head tilting to one side. “How something so small and peaceful has come to ruin us all.”

“She’s ruined nothing.” He heard the snarl in Kylo Ren’s voice, but did not turn towards it. “The Resistance will still be crushed. This changes _nothing_.”

But General Hux did not share this particular fervor of opinion. Starkiller had been his design, and his pride, for the majority of it’s creation. He’d watched the inaugural discharge with a sense of pride, clouded over by a well hidden sense of terror. The beast of a weapon had snuffed out entire planets with the breath of a single word, uttered from his lips. And it had been ripped out from under him by a handful of x-wings and a bag of explosives. A pathetic show of force, and it was all they’d needed to tear his life’s work asunder. That, and her. _Her_.

He pressed his cigarette to those lips, and inhaled deeply once more. There was a shudder breaking through him, causing him to exhale too quickly, all at once.

“I beg to differ.” He muttered, a sense of loss suddenly deepening his voice. He finally returned to Kylo Ren’s cot, reaching over to check on the shoddy dressing the ‘trooper attempted. He peeled away the layer of cloth, bending closer to get a better look at just how mangled his face was. A flicker of anguish followed, passing his face for a moment before it disappeared.

“I’ve tolerated your presence for a very long time, Ren.” He murmured, his voice quiet to keep their conversation private. “Because you, like Starkiller, were a symbol. You were supposed to be _invincible_. Do you understand that? Can you even comprehend the importance of that symbol to the entirety of the First Order?”

He dropped the dressing, and pressed down on it. Kylo Ren seethed as the pain of his injury burned with dissent.

“And now _look_ at you. Look at how far you’ve fallen. The Resistance has taken much more than just a weapon from the First Order, tonight. They’ve managed a victory that I fear will cripple us in ways that you, a mere pawn, will never understand.”

He felt the first tightenings of a choke hold take him, wrapping tight around his neck. Had the dark force user been at full strength, or even a fraction of his normal health, Hux knew he would be dead. Instead, he felt the pressure as an annoyance, and nothing more. 

The cigarette was brought to his lips, and he sucked in a tight, painful drag, before blowing it gently in Kylo Ren’s face. “Come now. Let’s stop playing these coy little games.” He managed to wheeze out, despite how little oxygen he was able to suck in with every tight breath. “I tire of all of this.”

The choke hold was released, and Kylo Ren’s head turned away from General Hux while he sucked in ragged inhales and waited for the ringing in his ears to stop. “Thank you.” He grunted, straightening up to rub his neck. As he did so, he continued to observe, as he always did. He caught the bob of the other man’s neck as he swallowed, and shoved down emotions. He understood now why his eyes were closed - but upon closer inspection, it was clear that had not stopped the tears from escaping.

The Resistance had taken much from the First Order that night. But it was Kylo Ren who’d stolen from himself - and there was no giving back all _he’d_ lost.

General Hux was startled by the pang of pity that clenched at his chest. It only served to upset him further - to feel pity for the man who was meant to be invincible. It was just another reminder of their overall failure. He felt lost, for the first time in his life.

It was an excruciating feeling.

He backed away from Kylo Ren, returning to Rey’s cot. She laid on the makeshift pillow, her expression unburdened and soft, and he wondered what it felt like to sleep like that. He wondered if she thought herself a hero, tonight.

She, who’d conquered all.

He reached out and palmed away the hair that stuck with sweat against her face. There was an admiration growing there, in the absence of his own personal pride. One had to admire your enemy, when they did such a thorough job of destroying your dreams.

“Do you think she’ll join us?” Hux whispered, confident that Ren could hear him. He heard the shift of movement behind him, but he made no move to stop what he was doing, despite how unnecessary his touch against her skin was now. 

“Yes.” Ren’s voice was ragged, but solemn. Hux thought he could understand why. “The Supreme Leader will turn her to our side. She will be our ally, or she will die.”

General Hux let out a soft, thoughtful hum. Perhaps things weren’t as frustratingly hopeless as they seemed, after all. He wasn’t sure he was ready to put his faith in another force user, since all of them had disappointed him so far. But when he took his hand away from her face, and watched her brow furrow with unconscious determination, he felt a stirring that gave him promise.

“I hope she lives.” He admitted, without shame. “She could be all we need. Greater than Starkiller, even. Greater than you, Kylo Ren.”

His head turned to look at the knight, and found his eyes open, with tightly contracted pupils flickering between them both. And in that expression, Hux realized he found no disagreement.

That was the most promising sign of all.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux was never afforded the privilege of seeing the Supreme Leader in person. Despite following his orders to the letter, he was not summoned to join Kylo Ren once they’d landed. This was acceptable - preferable even, when he thought about it. The mindset he found himself wallowing in was less than optimal for facing Snoke. He was relieved that Ren’s training had clearly distracted the Supreme Leader from laying his disappointment and judgement on Hux. 

Ren made for a suitable distraction away from his own failures. He continued to remind himself of that, as he watched the man limp out of the cargo hold, dragging an unresponsive arm at his side. Whatever challenges awaited Ren must not concern him, despite how utterly _atrocious_ the man looked.

Hux sniffed in disdain as he watched the slow, tortured pace of a broken man, and continued to watch long after it was necessary. It was likely that Ren was walking straight towards his own death. Despite the deterioration of his body as well as his status symbol, Hux thought that a particularly disappointing waste.

But, the fate of the force wielders was never supposed to be his concern. His interests were invested solely in politics, and he only bore the burden of working with this faction of zealots when it benefited his long term goals.

This brought him back to the scavenger, who still slept on a cot behind him. There was no more peace in her expression, now that the cargo bay doors had opened. Even sedation could not shield her from the bitter cold that blew in, freezing the planet’s crust and leaving them docked against a barren wasteland of cold, white-washed rock. It wasn’t snowing, but the landscape told him that was a rare blessing, in this case. The weather had favored their arrival.

She was shivering, unable to move enough to even curl into herself for warmth. The sedation kept her immobile, but her lips were turning blue and Hux realized almost instantly that the girl was used to a hot, desert climate. The cold would send her into shock before they could even manage to send her to Snoke.

He didn’t know if there were blankets nearby. The Stormtroopers had already begun carting away the traitor, FN-2187, to put him in stasis until the Supreme Leader ordered his death. Hux had demanded it - he never wanted that man to wake up, again. Death by torture or execution was noble; but to die without ever knowing how, or why - 

That was Hux’s particular brand of nightmare, and he was all too happy to inflict it on the traitor.

He was left alone with the shivering girl, and before he knew what he was doing, the heavy overcoat that sat on his shoulders was shrugged off and settled on her. It engulfed her comically, devouring her from head to toe. He tugged the edge down, just enough to keep it off of her eyes and keep her out of the dark, in case she woke up. 

Then he checked her sedation pad, to make sure that wouldn’t happen on his watch.

He realized, as his fingers brushed the thin patch against the skin of her arm and found it bone dry, that he should have done that _first_.

A small, but surprisingly forceful set of fingers curled around his wrist, nails biting down on the skin until it turned white with the force of her hold. Her thumb pressed against the meat of his palm, and he felt the sharp twinge of a well placed pain force his hand away from her. She pulled his arm up, aware that she had control of it, but when she looked into his face she saw nothing but a blanched, tense calm.

He was not so easily bent, even to the will of a Force user.

“Is this a customary greeting on Jakku? I’m afraid I haven’t been made aware of it.” His attempt at sardonic humor was betrayed by the uninterrupted clench of his teeth. The words seethed out, and his lips quivered with the threat of a sneer. 

Rey sat up from her cot, the greatcoat sliding off of her body and bunching in her lap. He could see the goosebumps rise on the skin of her bare shoulder, but to her credit she did not react. She held his arm, twisted in an unnatural angle, directly in front of her.

“Where am I?” His feeble attempts at sarcasm were wholly ignored. By the look in her eye, he calculated that she’d been in this situation before, and was preparing another magnificent escape.

But as he considered the desperate call to flight that echoed in her eyes, Hux soon realized he’d prepared a contingency plan without even meaning to. This would not be as easy as her escape on Starkiller - unless he was miscalculating the telltale signs of a bleeding heart. 

“You’re currently aboard a cargo shuttle on a planet that you have no business asking the name of, awaiting summons by the Supreme Leader in order to determine your fate. That sounds quite dreadful, doesn’t it? You should probably think about running away now.”

She looked like he’d read her mind, which he needed no mystical powers to do. At once, she released his hand, which hadn’t really been pinned down as properly as she’d thought. He let it drop, unphased, and stood up straight. “The door’s that way.” He sniffed out. “Please, by all means.”

She grabbed the greatcoat, which surprised him until he realized she didn’t know it was his. Then she leapt off of the cot, and he watched her run a few steps before she slowed, and stood on the edge of the cargo dock door.

Behind her, Hux’s face broke out in a very slow, tight smile. He couldn’t help himself. It felt so satisfying when he knew he had the upper hand. Under his breath, where she couldn’t hear him, he whispered.

“I knew you were a clever girl.”

She swiveled around and glared up at him, a tiny sliver of a girl lost in his greatcoat, and his smile disappeared. There was something fetching about the sight - and there was nothing _good_ that could come from that. His mind worked quickly, racing for excuses until it fell on the possessive nature of owning a weapon draped in his protection, and nothing more.

His hands fumbled for his cigarettes while she worked things out in her head - but they were in his greatcoat, and he cursed himself silently for the oversight.

“Why are you letting me go?” She asked, still standing on the very edge of the platform, like an animal tensed to run. He knew better than to move.

“I’m not, really.” He admitted, which she’d already worked out on her own. “You have no idea where you are, and I can assure you that this planet is completely uninhabitable. You’d die within the hour, even with my coat around your shoulders.”

As expected, she shrugged it off of her wildly as if it was plagued with spiders, and he watched his coat crumple disrespectfully to the ground. He tsked with his tongue, and continued.

“Also, and I think you’ve come to this conclusion on your own - we do have your friend. He’s alive, for now. If you want him to remain that way, you would do well to pick my coat up off of the ground where you have so rudely _dropped it_ , and either accept the gesture or return it to me.”

He spoke to her as if she was a child who’d been naughty, or an untrained puppy. By the rage that lit her widening eyes, he knew she was neither, and he was playing with fire.

But he was so very _used_ to that, by now.

Surprisingly, she picked up the coat. Unsurprisingly, she threw it further out into the rocks, where it splayed out as it landed. He breathed in slowly, and let it out in a long, suffering sigh. This was what he’d been left to deal with, while Leader Snoke carried on with Kylo Ren. He’d been reduced to _babysitter_ , and this would have offended him much more if it didn’t give him an opportunity to bind the girl to his favor before Snoke could get his talons into her.

But it was _babysitting_ , nonetheless. And here he thought he’d be done with such things now that Kylo Ren was gone.

His footsteps were cautious, but there was power in each step. His hands never swayed too far past his hips, as if every inch of his body was trying to conserve each move. She kept herself facing him, even as he passed her and found purchase on the flat rock terrain below. He picked up his coat, dusted it off thoroughly, and then flourished it around his shoulders. It molded to him, as it was meant to. 

But as soon as he put it on, he saw the girl succumb to a shiver.

Two hard steps were all that he needed in order to stand in front of her, his thin form towering over her. She wanted to step back - he could see her resisting the urge, even as he stood there and pulled his cigarettes and matches out of the pocket of his greatcoat. She knew how useless it was to run, but she wanted to, anyway. Even he could see that.

And yet, she stood tall - or as tall as she could. He took her height in with his eyes, and guessed that the very top of her head might have managed to meet his lips, if she stretched her toes a bit.

The flame of a match striking against it’s booklet startled her just enough to take that dreaded step back, but she made no more move to run. She just watched him light his cigarette, sucking a breath in long enough to burn the tip of it. She watched the tiny, bright flashes of fire light it’s end, because it was easier than looking at him while she waited.

Finally, he let out the breath of smoke he’d inhaled, lifting his head to the sky so as to keep it away from her. When he tilted back down to her again, his face looked haggard. Tired.

“This is a poor position you’ve found yourself in.” He murmured, his voice lowered with a gentle quality. “I’m not going to force you to stay inside. I’m not going to force you to do anything. But I am going to extend an offer to you, because I have no reason to want you dead. Take it if you like. Or kill yourself. I promise, I have no intention of stopping you either way. Now. Come inside, and take my coat. It’s only going to get colder come nightfall, and we won’t get word until tomorrow. So for right now, it’s just you, and me.”

His eyes stayed focused on her, narrowing slightly as the burn of another inhale tickled his throat. He let the smoke linger in his lungs for a few long seconds while he watched her consider, and then blew it out one side of his lips.

Without waiting any longer for an answer, he climbed back aboard the shuttle, rose his hand up, and slammed his fist on the hatch mechanism. With a groan, the ship began to close up, with her still standing on the rising door. She was forced to choose - run in, or jump off and freeze to death.

He did not wait to see which she’d chosen, because he already knew.

The coat slid off of his shoulders, and he held it out without turning to look. He waited several seconds, and actually doubted himself for one moment, before the coat was snatched from his waiting hands and he was proved right yet again.

He turned to look at her, wrapping herself angrily in the coat until she all but disappeared, and his eyes flickered with something akin to approval.

But he would have jumped.

“Rey.” Her nose scrunched up at the sound of her name on his lips, and he liked that. “My name is General Hux. Since I have the pleasure of your company for the night, it seems only right that you know my name.”

“You seem to already know mine.” She muttered, her eyes never settling in one spot. She was scanning the entire ship - for weaknesses, perhaps. Would she attempt to commandeer it on her own? Perhaps another attempt on his life was in his future. Or perhaps she would just knock him out and fly back to the Resistance base.

No, not without her friend.

Her eyes finally met his, as if she’d heard that - and he felt yet another annoying similarity to the intrusions he was used to enduring by her male counterpart. It disturbed him to find so many similarities between the two.

He was not interested in being bogged down with _two_ easily provoked failures.

She stepped towards him then, her movements hiding a thinly veiled threat despite her small stature. She raised her hand, and waved it slowly across the space directly in front of his face.

Ah.

“You will take me to Finn, and help us escape.” She whispered. He felt the warm rush of the Force trying to blanket his mind and warp his senses, but it passed through without ever finding purchase in him. She waited for him to respond, and when he did, it was with a smile.

“You mean FN-2187.” He corrected lightly.

Rey knew his correction meant the trick hadn’t worked. Regardless, she tried again - though even he could see that as untrained as she was, his answer had provoked her into a loss of control.

“His name is _Finn_.” She growled out, as her hand waved in the air again. “And you _will_ take me to him.”

“Take you to _whom_?” He asked, his voice lilting upward at the final word. “Can’t say I’ve ever met a Finn. Are you sure you don’t mean-”

He was toying with her, and she knew it. She never let him finish, interrupting him with a frustrating scream and slamming her hands into his chest to shove him backwards. He stumbled at the brute gesture, but once he’d regained his balance, he found himself settling on his crate again.

“I can’t believe you thought that would work on me.” He chuckled out in amusement. But he could believe it, because no one had ever given her the time of day - let alone tried to instruct her on how, exactly, the Force worked. She’d merely picked up bits and pieces from Kylo Ren (the poor girl) and learned the rest through trial and error.

This was just another error. He felt a strange satisfaction knowing he was about to give her her first lesson.

“That particular ability only works on the weak-minded. You’ll find, with time, that I am anything but. And yet, I can help you get to your friend, and even give you a chance to save his life. I’m not the brute you’re used to dealing with.”

She’d looked wholly uninterested in his lesson until she heard his offer. He saw it in her eyes - she was listening, now.

“I don’t want you here as a prisoner. That’s hard to believe, isn’t it?” His next breath came out in a chuckle filtered with smoke. “But it’s true. I have no use for prisoners. I’d sooner send you back to your precious Resistance, than have you locked away. But I’m not exactly _in charge_ anymore, am I?”

There was a bitterness to that tone. She picked up on it instantly. He could tell.

“You’ve seen to that.”

And just as suddenly, her interest was gone.

“What I want, and what you want, aren’t necessarily on opposing sides anymore. They may never have been. But you disapprove of my methods - save it.” He’d raised his hand up to stop her from arguing about his _methods_ , but he silenced her. “It doesn’t matter now. Even I have come to terms with the glaring truth left behind in the wake of Starkiller’s destruction. It’s clear that something needs to _change._ ”

He had her attention now; he could feel the heat of her gaze, but he refused to meet it. His eyes focused instead on the cigarette in his hand, with a look of utter, devastating contemplation. None of what he said was a lie. He’d spent the entire flight sinking down through the pits of anger and frustration, until he’d come out the other side with a sense of calm. Nothing had changed about what General Hux wanted, what he _demanded_ of the First Order - but what _had_ changed was his vision of how to go about achieving it. Successfully, this time.

No more giant planetary weapons, for a start.

But he waited in the silence for the girl to come to the same conclusions he had. He failed to consider why he’d continually assumed her clever enough to come to these points on her own, but so far she had not disappointed him, and he was loathe to delve too deeply into the whys of his own behavior. He gave her time, and she gave him the answer he’d been expecting, once more.

“What kind of change?”

His cold blue eyes finally flickered to look at her, and he could see by the way she was leaning in, still wrapped so attractively in his jacket.

He had her.

“That, my dear, is a question best answered _together_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux had some real talks with some real folks.
> 
> This chapter legit got away from me, I don't know what even just happened. Next up is some Rey perspective and then for crying out loud, Kylo and Snoke. What is my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has some violence. Like loss of limb violence. Be advised.

“So, she is awake.”

The change in subject startled Kylo; they’d been deeply entrenched in philosophical musings when the Supreme Leader so suddenly shifted the topic. It halted his steps, but Snoke continued forward, shifting unnaturally with every step. They had been walking, side by side, down a narrow corridor that led to the antechamber of the temple, until that moment. Now, he took a few long strides to catch up.

He’d felt Rey awaken, like a burning light searing at the back of his mind and behind his eyes. When he’d first felt it, he hadn’t missed a step - but Snoke’s admission gave him pause, though he shouldn’t have been surprised that the Supreme Leader felt her, too. 

“I did not.” Snoke admitted in response to Kylo’s thoughts, as he finally stopped to turn to the man. In the flesh, Snoke was not nearly as imposing as his holographic imaging led to believe. He was, however, still a towering figure at seven feet, but Kylo Ren was aware of how little his size actually mattered compared to his power. Snoke clasped his hands behind his back, and leaned down to tilt his menacing form closer to his apprentice. “Instead, I felt your bond. Your _distraction_. You haven’t heard a word I’ve said since the moment she flared back to consciousness. This is disappointing.”

There was danger in that one final word, pulled apart and stretched out for emphasis. Snoke did not like to be disappointed.

This was a fact Kylo Ren knew on an intimate level. His body bore witness to that intimacy, with enough scars carved in it to create a map of it’s own.

“Perhaps, it is _good_ that the General has brought her here.” It was a few moments before Snoke had spoken again, but when he did, there was a distracting thoughtfulness in his voice. “She will aid you in your training. You require a distraction. I can think of none better.”

Anger flared easily through his veins, like an old friend coming to visit.

“As you command.”

Snoke peered at him, dissecting the inflection in every word Kylo Ren spoke as he often did. He felt the rage that bubbled just under the surface of that cold, faceless mask. This was nothing new to the pair. It was why he’d been given the mask in the first place - to hide the exposed, expressive face beneath without inhibiting all the emotions that drove the man to near madness.

No, Snoke wanted him always on the edge of a cliff, teetering, moments from jumping off of it. His mask gave him the ability to be just that, without exposure. And he felt it now, in the rage that ran unchecked through his apprentice.

“You disagree.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact. “Speak your mind.”

The relief erupted through him before he could check himself.

“She is more than just a distraction. She could be more. I have - “

He paused, and both of Snoke’s eyebrows rose with surprise when he realized the man was being hesitant to admit something. “Go on.”

It was too late to regret. “I have foreseen it.”

A long, telling breath was expelled from the Supreme Leader, and Kylo Ren twitched in response. He hadn’t meant to admit that he’d been plagued with visions of the girl for years, even before he’d met her. He knew when it was better to keep things to himself - and that had unequivocally been one of them.

He could sense Snoke’s plans changing, as sure as if he’d had the power to read the dark mind himself.

It was a very long time before Snoke spoke again. When he did, Kylo heard everything he needed to hear, just by the sound of his voice. There was anger there, certainly; but more than that, more than anything else, there was hunger.

A new taste of power had emerged. Kylo had all but handed it to the Supreme Leader on a platter. There was no stopping his intrigue, now.

And yet.

“No.” Despite all he could hear in that voice, the words were contradictory. “She is to be your distraction while you train. Nothing more. But when I have completed your training, I will reconsider. Her fate will hinge on your success. Do you understand this?”

Kylo took care to remove all inflection out of his voice when he responded, this time. “Yes.”

“Good.” With that settled, Snoke seemed suddenly too interested in the way Kylo’s arm hung limp at his side. He stepped closer, and his long, spindly fingers pulled away at the bandaging that covered the wound on his shoulder. It still bubbled with medicine, but the that hadn’t removed the edge of pain - nor had his arm begun to respond to him, yet. 

Snoke’s fingers pressed against the wound, with light touches that still blinded Kylo with pain. But that was nothing to the way it felt when those fingers drove into the wound itself, searching for something.

Kylo screamed. The sound - as terrifying and loud as it was - did not seem to phase the Supreme Leader as he probed the wound. With a soft cluck of his tongue, he pulled his hand out of it, and shook his head.

“Nerve damage of that magnitude requires more assistance than the medical team on this planet can offer you.” Snoke informed him, with the clinical coldness of a technician. “It will fester, and rot. I will not train you until you have replaced it.”

Kylo’s expression behind the mask was twisted in agony, still under the effects of Snoke’s intrusion. It blinded and deafened him, so that he was unaware of the ignition of a saber and it’s two crossguard vents.

That unawareness was a blessing stolen in a heartbeat, as the blade hissed through his flesh, searing his arm off just below the shoulder. Kylo’s screams were echoing the halls, mingling as they bounced, until he fell to one knee and felt his mind threaten to lapse him out of consciousness. It was only a second later that the deed was done, and he heard the disgusting thump of flesh by his side.

He felt lighter. His eyes rolled, and he turned away from the sight to keep from buckling with shock. Instead, he stared at the wall on his other side, lit in ghastly green until Snoke switched his saber off.

“Report to the medical bay in the South edge of the base, and have a new arm installed. They excel in prosthetics. You are allowed two weeks to recover. Then, you will return to me, and we will begin.”

Kylo could barely hear him give his instructions. It sounded like Snoke was very far away, yelling at him from some great divide. All he could hear was the rush of blood in his ears, and the last fading echoes of his own screams down the hall.

“Go.” Snoke muttered, his voice suddenly fatigued. Kylo stumbled up to his feet, shaking with every possible negative emotion one human being could entertain at once. He finally spared one glance to the ruined stump of his shoulder, and saw the perfect, flat cauterization. It was a clean cut. Perfect for attaching a new arm to.

None of that was truly appreciated past the understanding that Snoke had just _cut off his arm._

There would be no respectful farewell in response to his dismissal. Kylo turned, intentionally storming away from the Supreme Leader, but he only managed a few feet before Snoke called out to stop him.

“No.” Snoke muttered, stopping Kylo’s trail cold. “Take that with you.”

He was gesturing to the detached limb on the ground like it was an unwanted pet. Kylo turned, his grim expression once more carefully hidden behind his mask. Snoke could not see it, but he could feel that animosity flourishing like a healthy sprout. He smiled.

“Come now. You’ve paid your pound of flesh to me long ago. I don’t need this one. _Take it.”_

It was humiliating, and Kylo knew that was the point.

He picked up his arm, tense and tortured with the feel of it in his other hand, and turned to walk away.

No more than one second after exiting the temple, the arm was flung as far off into the rocks as possible, as Kylo screamed himself hoarse with passionate madness into the frigid wind.

 

* * *

 

If the General thought for one second that she was seriously considering his offer, then the loss of Starkiller must have hit him harder than she’d thought. Rey saw no reason why she couldn’t listen to the words of a madman, especially since she had no other real choices at that moment; but there was an intensity when he looked at her, an expectancy that made her wonder if he really thought he was getting through to her. 

This was preposterous. She was never going to listen to the likes of him.

Except that she was, technically, _listening_. She was also arguing to herself over semantics, and knew none of her thoughts were going to get her out of the situation she’d found herself in. Instead, they worked to distract her, just as much as Hux’s offer had.

_That, my dear, is a question best answered together._

She’d gone silent when he’d said it, and he hadn’t tried to pry a conversation out of her since. He just sat there, perched almost regally on his crate, and brought his cigarette up to his devastating lips for long drags of smoke. She caught herself watching it happen twice, and decided it was better to stare down at her cot.

She wouldn’t sleep around the man, but she had a feeling he knew better than to sleep around her, as well. So each minute passed in silence, long and quiet and terrible.

Then she screamed, and his only response was to raise his eyebrows in surprise. She was clutching her arm, and biting down on her lip to keep from crying out further. There was nothing wrong with her arm, but she felt the echo of a searing pain running down the length of her shoulder. Her hands gave away exactly where it was bothering her, and Hux inhaled sharply.

She could _feel_ him.

“I warned him he was going to lose that arm.” Hux breathed out, finally exhaling that held breath. “I can already imagine his temper.”

She was pressing her fingers to the phantom pain, in an attempt to massage it away, but Hux’s tone elicited something within her that she would come to regret later. It was camaraderie, she supposed. She couldn’t help herself. Not when it came to belittling _him._

“It serves him right.” Rey muttered, a little too childishly. “I’d say I hope he loses both arms, but I never want to feel anything like that again.”

She dropped her hands to her lap again, and when she looked up, Hux was staring at her with renewed interest.

“Please tell me you can’t actually feel every emotion that man goes through. Honestly, I can’t imagine a worse fate. I’d put you out of your misery right now if I could. I already like you too much to let you suffer like that.”

She warred with the churning disgust of his compliment and the desperate bubble of laughter that tried to worm it’s way out of her. The laughter won, because she needed it to. It felt so good to laugh. 

“This is the first.” She admitted, unsure of exactly why she was feeling Kylo Ren’s pain. “He must be close.”

Her expressive face betrayed her confusion. The last thing she wanted in her life was to feel anything that man went through. She knew, instantly, that this was the worst case scenario.

“That’s a terrible burden.” Hux was moving, and all the ease her laughter brought her dissipated into thin air. She was tense again, ready to fight him at the first sign of aggression. She knew she could have handicapped him in moments, even though she had no weapon. But it couldn’t have been that easy.

She’d never find Finn without him. It was the only explanation to the ease with which General Hux moved to sit beside her. He did not treat her like an enemy, or a threat, despite everything she’d done to destroy his future. 

He had the upper hand. She knew it. She played along.

“In lieu of assisted suicide, would you like a cigarette?” He held one of the long, white sticks out at her, clasped elegantly between two fingertips. “They might kill you. Eventually.”

She had no idea what she was doing, when she took the cigarette in her fingertips, and tried to hold it up to her lips. He inhaled, ready to say something, and she pulled it out immediately.

The smile that lifted the corners of his lips did not make sense to her. Nothing about the man made sense to her. She had yet to figure him out, and that was starting to itch under her skin; she hated the air of security around him, so terribly confident in his surroundings. She’d second guessed every one of her moves since the moment she’d woken up and felt him brushing her arm.

She wanted the upper hand back.

That smile did not help.

“It’s the other way around.” He told her, plucking the cigarette from her fingertips and turning it so that the orange end was pointed towards her. He nudged her hand upward, and she took the cigarette into her mouth. He lit a match, and held it up to the end of her cigarette.

Nothing happened.

And there was that smile again, cocky and confident and wholly in need of being slapped off of his face.

“You have to inhale.”

She looked down at the cigarette, her eyes crossing to try and see it. There was a soft whistle of air passing through her lips as she inhaled, burning the cigarette while the smoke entered her mouth and lungs. 

She heaved with coughing fits for the next full two minutes after spitting the cigarette out wastefully to the ground, and he was fighting every urge to laugh until his expression had started to turn red with the effort of it. He’d expected that - but that didn’t make it any less funny.

“It’s not for everyone”, his voice aired out in a slightly higher pitch, feigning disinterest as he ground the cigarette into the floor.

“You _are_ trying to kill me.” Rey wheezed out, her hand resting against her throat as she recovered from the burning sensation. “Keep those things away from me. That was _disgusting._ Are you purposefully hurting yourself?” She wouldn’t put masochism past him. 

He shook his head, and took another long, experienced drag. Now she let herself watch, because she wondered how he could do that without coughing. He simply blew the smoke out after a few long seconds, and shrugged. “It only hurts the first time.”

She wore her skepticism like a mask, her lips pursing in disgust. “What’s the point of breathing in smoke on purpose? Especially if it could kill you.” He wasn’t the first person she’d ever seen smoking; but he was the first to let her try it, and it was an experience she would not soon forget.

“When you become accustomed to smoking, the nicotine is pleasurable. It calms. It soothes. It’s a drug. You become addicted. Soon, you don’t feel quite right without one.”

He licked his lips, and she thought her curiosity had been sated enough for one night; so she looked away, and searched for the silence from earlier.

It never came.

A beeping sound filled the air, and Hux rose up to enter the cockpit, switching on the holo projector. The face of an officer filled the blue, wavering image, and Hux nodded in greeting.

“General. Orders from the Supreme Leader have arrived, sir.” The officer clipped out, effortlessly professional. Rey shuddered, feeling cold for reasons that had nothing to do with the weather.

“Go ahead.”

“You’re to bring the girl to the South side medical facility. Kylo Ren is already headed there. That is all, sir.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” 

Rey tensed as the conflict began to rise up within her. He was not bringing her _anywhere_. She’d played along long enough, for Finn’s sake. She needed to find a way to get him back, and escape; and as far as she was concerned, Hux was just in the way of that.

Before Hux could return to the cargo hold, Rey was already standing. She looked like she was preparing for something foolish, and Hux paused at the entrance to regard her.

“I’m not going.” She warned him, her body crouching in preparation. 

He wondered, for just one second, what it would have felt like to let her attack.

“FN-2187 is stationed at the South side medical facility.” He informed her, deciding against the idea almost immediately. “You might want to reconsider.”

The floor fell out from underneath her, as General Hux’s position changed from roadblock to a beacon of hope. She gaped up at him in open confusion, as the dangerous effects of that change settled into her.

It was about time he gave her a straight answer.

“Why are you doing this?” She demanded, her voice cracking in betrayal. She needed to understand his intentions, once and for all. She needed to understand the ease of that smile, the confidence in his safety, and the fact that he hadn’t once tried to force her into a decision.

She had to understand him.

“I’ve already told you, I have no use for prisoners. If you’re going to scuttle right back to the Resistance, I won’t stop you.”

He was closing in on her, and when he finally reached her, his hands reached out to tug on the lapel of his coat. He secured it better along her shoulders, and brushed his hands along the cloth to smooth and clean it. 

“But consider this. You want an end to this war. So do I. You find the First Order’s methods unacceptable. And you believe the best use of your power is at the side of the Resistance, a small band of rebels attempting to overthrow an entire armada, because they are fighting for what is _right._ ”

It pained him to say the word. She could hear it in his voice, and it bolstered her courage. With a wave of her hand, she slapped his touch away. His arms fell limp to his sides; just one more refusal to push.

“You have the best interests of the entire galaxy in mind. Remember now, that the Republic has been destroyed.”

Her expression crunched up, and he let her anger wash over him. “Because YOU destroyed them!”

“True.” He murmured, unphased by the way she screamed into his face. “But they’re gone, regardless of who is at fault. This galaxy needs order. All systems will come to us willingly, now.”

She felt a great despair in her heart, and wondered if he was mad to remind her that the First Order had all but won the war despite their great weapon’s annihilation. He did not look mad, but she thought he wore a better mask than Kylo Ren, and she was never truly going to be able to read him.

He leaned forward, and his eyes met hers. She thought she could see right through them, they were so light.

“But if the Resistance had someone _here_ , working to change what they find intolerant.” He whispered, as if he was telling her his deepest, darkest secret. In a way, he was. “It is my conclusion that the lives that person might save would be an impressively higher number compared to the lives they might save piloting an X-Wing into a hopeless battle. The possibilities our resources offer are near _limitless._ ”

She scoffed up at him, unaware that her eyes were betraying the scope of her interest. “You can’t seriously think I’d be interested in becoming a diplomat. For the First Order. _Me._ ” It was laughable. She wished she could laugh, just to prove that.

The wish felt hollow, and was unfulfilled.

“I think you are interested in saving your friend. I think you’re interested in freedom. I think you’re interested in testing out your new abilities. But I do not think you have every step of your future planned out and prepared for you. So no, I _don’t_ believe you are interested in becoming a diplomat.”

He dropped his cigarette to the floor, and ground it under his feet.

“But I am interested in giving you a chance to find out what you truly want. This is all I can offer. There will be others who can offer something more. But for right now, I’ll take your consideration. That’s all _I_ want.”

The hand that had been holding his cigarette, turned up to face her. She flickered her eyes down and glared at it for a moment, before returning to his gaze with a cocked brow. She was _not_ taking his hand.

“No strings attached.” It was almost a demand, but he could feel the question in her voice. He nodded, and she continued. “I can leave whenever I want.”

Another nod.

Her eyes flickered down at the hand again, and a thought struck her.

“What about Kylo Ren? Don’t you think he’s just going to try to kill me if I’m around all the time? How is he going to feel about me not being an enemy?”

There it was, slight and tense and completely under his control; his smile lifted his features, but his eyes glinted with a wicked light she hadn’t seen before. “Oh, dear. I think he’ll be altogether _undone_ by it.”

She understood the wickedness in his eyes, suddenly, and her lower lip disappeared between her teeth as the feeling became mutual. Even if she was only playing the part for a little while - this coy little game General Hux wanted her to play was going to drive Han Solo’s murderer absolutely _nuts_.

She rose her hand up, dropping it in his, expecting a handshake. He curled his fingers around her hand instead, and held it there.

She found, in the wake of this new information; and the cold promise of revenge settling like a stone in her heart; that she didn’t really mind that at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite being the veritable president of the #kylosrobotarm2k16 fanclub, I don't actually think he's going to lose his arm in canon. But like hell was he not going to lose it here. Please forgive me, Kylo fans, I promise he keeps the rest of his body for the entirety of the fanfic. 
> 
> Also, to any Rebels fans who might have caught a certain reference, yes, it is that saber. But no, Snoke is not Ezra. (OR IS HE?!?!?!)
> 
> (No)
> 
> (BUT MAYBE.........)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some light body horror in this chapter - only thing worse than losing a limb is having one put back on.

It was just an idle thought. Hux thumbed through the records, searching for a dosage, until he found the exact amount of sedative the medical facility needed to use in order to sedate Kylo Ren. As expected, the number was extraordinary, and he wished he’d been there to see them administer it in the state he’d been in.

But then he read further, and located a simple scrawl stating that he’d collapsed from shock shortly after arriving.

So their job had been simple, after all.

He placed the record down on the desk beside him, and settled back on the plush chair he’d requested. He’d been overseeing the dull tedium that was an unconscious Kylo Ren for over an hour now, but his mind was clearly too lost in thought to need anything further to occupy him. He’d left Rey across the hall, where she would find her injured companion in some state of stasis. That was a precarious choice, on his part. He was playing his odds, and so far they were working outstandingly in his favor when it came to the girl.

He could tell she’d appreciated the trust he had in leaving her on her own with FN-2187. It lent sincerity to his words from earlier, and added another layer of heavy thought to her contemplative struggle. After all, what better way to prove that he wasn’t keeping her there as a prisoner, than to leave her alone?

(The security cameras and ‘trooper detail stationed outside his door couldn’t possibly have anything to do with his trust.)

But in leaving her alone, he found a remarkable loss of busy work to keep him occupied. The First Order had lost most of the men, women and children that lived under his care. General Hux did not like the feeling, but it was a sort of freedom, nonetheless.

He watched Ren sleeping in his preparation chamber, as droids worked to cut away the cauterized burn of his shoulder and leave the flesh open and ready for integration. He was on the side of the wound, and found himself all too intensely staring at it.

What kind of leader was Snoke? Hux had followed the powerful creature’s commands to the letter, because there was no mistaking the masterful grip the man had on his army. But as he watched Ren’s arm being tended to, he imagined the Supreme Leader cutting it off without warning, or anesthesia. Slicing it off like dead weight - which it was.

But so were they.

In the wake of Starkiller’s loss, so was he.

That was the kind of leader Snoke was. Hux let those speculations reach their inevitable conclusion, in the quiet, sober medical ward. He let them, and then he moved forward with that conclusion in hand.

Ren was stirring. The droids struggled to add more sedative to the drip attached to his arm, and Hux rose a hand, shaking it with dissent. He got up, and walked around the medical cot to stand at Ren’s side. And of course, when those dark, troubled eyes fluttered open, he was the first thing Ren saw staring down at him.

“If you want to sleep through the integration, say so now.” Hux offered, giving him the choice. “This will hurt.”

Lazy, slow blinks continued until Kylo found some semblance of focus through sheer willpower. Hux could tell the exact moment a sense of calm settled on his shoulders, when he realized he was being given a choice. 

“Awake.” The throaty answer was grumbled out as he looked away, turning his head to rest the side of it against the hard, plastic pillow. His answer did not come as a surprise to Hux. There was a reason he’d asked.

Kylo Ren did not run away from pain. He internalized it. He _used_ it. This would be no different.

With a sharp nod of his head, he signalled the droids to begin the process. The bed began to automatically tilt into a sitting position, as a mesh cloth was removed from the stump, leaving it covered in a sheen of organic liquid. A durasteel cap, fitted to slide perfectly over the shoulder, was placed against the wound. It was the least invasive part of the procedure, but Hux could see by the way Kylo’s fist opened and closed, that it was agonizing.

The cap was shoved, hard, until it suctioned permanently into place. Inside of it, a soft cushioning foam began to contract and release, searching for the perfect amount of pressure. When it found that setting, durasteel pins like teeth dug viciously into Kylo Ren’s shoulder, burying themselves to the bone. Still, the man did not scream, and that was impressive to Hux - considering he couldn’t even watch the process, anymore. He’d turned as if to walk away, and a sweat soaked hand reached out to grab him by the wrist. He angled back towards Ren, and read the desperation in that unnaturally emotional face. He read everything there, in the twist and shiver of his lips, and the furrow of his brow. 

He leaned in, and put his hand on the unhurt shoulder. “You’re doing well.” He offered, his own expression twisting with doubt. The words were less hollow than he’d meant them to be, and Ren looked mildly offended at the sincerity. That, at least, was a comfortable response.

“I’ve seen the arm. It’s impeccably made.” Just talk to him, distract him from the pain. That was all he could do, and he thought himself just enough of a conversationalist to handle this. “And once the cap is fully integrated into your nervous system, the arm itself can be replaced at any time. So the next time a scavenger decides to chop you up into pieces, it’ll be simpler to put you back together.”

Just the mention of the scavenger was enough to capture Ren’s attention fully. Hux remembered the way he ignored his pain in the shuttle, for the same reason. Whatever hold the woman had on Kylo Ren was vicious, and unbreakable.

And useful, perhaps.

“Where is she?” Hux knew the question was coming. It was the perfect distraction to the agony that was tearing through his shoulder, from thousands of tiny nerve connections re-organizing themselves and forcing their way into his system. But he needn’t have bothered trying to respond. A second after asking it, Ren answered his own question.

“She’s _here_.”

“Perceptive.” Hux complimented. “Have you felt it, too? Apparently she was in agony during your encounter with Snoke.” His heart was racing, thrilled at the ideas that were just barely forming and shattering and re-forming in his head. He forced himself calm with a long breath, and felt grateful that Ren’s mind was so solely captivated by her that he failed to notice any change in the General. “You two have a very strange little bond. Was it on purpose?”

Ren’s eyes had been staring at the door, across from which was Rey’s room. When the question was posed, he flickered back to Hux, and shook his head.

A happy accident, then. 

“You’ll have plenty of time to figure that out later.” Hux murmured cryptically, as he peeled Ren’s fingers off of his wrist one by one. “She’s occupied by the dying body of the traitor. You should focus on your own recovery.”

Ren’s hand snapped up, grabbing at Hux’s collar. The movement was quick, laced with a sudden rage that exploded without warning. Hux was an inch away from Ren’s face, confronting that rage with a quivering anger of his own. 

“You left her _alone_. With the _traitor_.”

Hux was right. Kylo Ren was making use of his pain with unmatched excellence.

“She’ll run.” Ren seethed, his teeth blaring white against his pulled back lips. “Are you a complete idiot?”

That was the limit to what Hux would tolerate. He grappled with both of his hands, pulling Ren off of his shirt and straightening up again. While re-adjusting his collar and shirt to it’s typical crisp, flat perfection, he scoffed and shook his head with a low chuckle.

“She won’t run.” He promised. Ren’s expression twitched, but did not relax. General Hux would have to do better than that.

“Your scavenger and I have made an accord.” He explained, getting no farther than that. 

Ren immediately erupted with “She’s not _my_ scavenger-” and just as quickly interrupted himself with a more pressing thought. “An accord? With _her_? How do you know she isn’t playing you for a fool?”

“I don’t, actually.” Hux admitted, just as he was handed a holo-pad with a digitally written message on it. His attention focused on the words in front of him - the demand. Her demand. _Speak of the devil._ “But I look forward to finding out.”

He couldn’t see exactly how his own interest was affecting Kylo Ren, in that moment. And frankly, he didn’t think he wanted to. He typed quietly, sending back an affirmative reply. When it was done, he handed off the holo-pad and acknowledged Ren once more.

The shoulder cap was red around the edges, covered in bacta-patches to aid the sealing process. But it held. That meant it was time to attach the actual arm.

This would not be pleasant.

“Ren.” He warned, his eyes gesturing to the arm with a tilt of his head. “Prepare yourself.”

The events that occurred next would feel strange and other-worldly to Hux even long after he’d left. He would never quite convince himself that Ren had screamed with that much pain, or that he’d reached out with his good arm, and pulled Hux down to hold him in a crushing, desperate embrace. He would deny to his grave the automated response to such a desperate act, when he wrapped both arms around the suffering, screaming man, and crushed him back in support. The droids, blessedly non-judgemental, continued to twist and tweak until the arm was attached, and responding fully to Ren’s demands. But if there was one thing more torturous than having a limb cut off, it was having one re-attach itself to every single nerve and muscle and tendon and bone necessary to function.

It was a wonder Ren did not pass out. He should have let them sedate him, Hux decided, as he half-sat on the bed and began to lose blood flow in his arms. No one deserved to go through that much pain, no matter how powerful it made them.

Ren sobbed, just once, and his hold on the general weakened. Hux took the opportunity to slip out, but his hand remained resting firmly on Ren’s limp, human arm. 

“It’s done.” He whispered, trying to elicit some bare form of comfort for the man. “It’s done now. All that’s left is recovery and reconditioning. Ren. Open your eyes.”

The droids hovered, waiting for any sign of movement, but Hux rose his hand up and gestured sharply to them. “Leave us.” He demanded, eliciting a prompt scurrying response. He waited until he was sure the room had been emptied, before leaning in to whisper much more harshly - the comfort from earlier now replaced by anger.

“Why do you let him do this to you?” Hux asked, unmoved by the sudden snap of Ren’s expression as he opened his eyes and glared with scandal. “This was absolutely unnecessary. The entire process - removal included - should have been performed here, under heavy sedation. I _know_ you, Ren. You do this for him. And yet; look what he’s done to you.”

The words were treason. The first he’d ever spoken, and he wondered if they would be his last. He was testing boundaries he’d never even sought after before, just to see where they would lead him. And by the look of utter betrayal in Kylo Ren’s face, they were leading him in a direction he unquestionably wanted to be.

“The Supreme Leader is infallible.” Ren warned, the quiver in his voice offering an alternative answer. Hux furrowed his brows as he tested the words on his tongue, and found them wanting.

“I believed the same, once.” Hux whispered, standing up straight. “But I wonder.”

It was the last thing he would say to Ren that night. He turned away, heading straight for the door, and stopped when the technician who’d handed him the holo-pad earlier almost bumped into him walking back in. The man was trying to huff out an apology, but Hux took him by the elbow and turned him back around, walking just outside the door with him.

“That message - has it been dealt with?” He hissed out, all of the calm interest in his voice replaced with a more familiar crispness. 

The technician nodded his head. “We sent the prisoner to be placed in a bacta-tank. He should be healed within a few days, but he’ll remain under complete sedation until the Supreme Leader orders otherwise.”

“Good.” She’d demanded that they save FN-2187’s life - and Hux knew it was in his best interests to be the one man who’d done so, when he was also confident Snoke would have him killed no matter what condition he was in. “Now will you explain to me why, exactly, Kylo Ren had to lose his arm if this facility is equipped with bacta tanks.”

The technician did not have an easy answer for that. He sputtered and stuttered, but in the end there was only one thing he was allowed to say.

“Those were our orders, sir. Supreme Leader didn’t want him in the tank.”

There it was, so easily exposed, and Hux couldn’t believe how foolish he’d been not to realize it sooner. The loss of Kylo Ren’s arm hadn’t been necessary at all - this tragedy was Snoke’s design, planned and executed flawlessly. Kylo Ren was not waiting to be trained - he was already having his first lesson of their trip, as he laid in that cot and came to terms with this new transition. Snoke would herald this change as a gift. He was becoming more like his grandfather, he might say.

And less like a human, with every slice. First, he’d cut away his own father’s love. Now, he was losing body parts to Snoke’s will.

The Supreme Leader thought himself a grand creator, as he molded himself a monster.

This enraged General Hux, but not for the reasons he would have suspected. Should he have been jealous that Snoke was using Kylo Ren’s infatuation with his grandfather’s legacy to pull him ever closer to his fate? Should he have been worried that the act would tether Kylo Ren ever closer to the Supreme Leader’s will, and ruin any possibilities for a coup in the future?

He felt none of these things. He felt enraged, visibly shaken, that Snoke had just taken from the man. Taken so much, just as he’d said; and given back so little.

He felt his own tethers break, as a warm sense of disillusionment fell over him. Supreme Leader Snoke did not deserve to lead the First Order into victory. He deserved to crumble to dust at Kylo Ren’s heel.

Or another heel, perhaps.

His boots clacked purposefully against the tile as he strode away, leaving both force users to their misery in their separate rooms.

* * *

No one stopped her when she followed the medical crew, and stationed herself patiently inside of the cell that housed a bacta tank. They worked around her, never quite acknowledging her existence, treating her as something always out of their line of sight. Rey knew this was Hux’s doing, and in return, she caused no trouble. She waited until they’d lowered Finn into the tank, before finally coming forward and placing her hands on the cold glass.

They’d waited too long, she told herself. He was going to die. His back was carved open, covered in old blood and scarring tissue, and it just wouldn’t be enough. None of this would be enough.

“No.” She whispered, her hand tightening to a fist. It _had_ to be enough, because Finn had to survive. He’d gone to Starkiller to save her, and gotten himself almost killed in the process. She couldn’t let him die. She wouldn’t.

She watched him float, bubbling around the edges of his wound, and willed her own faith to be enough to save him.

And as time passed, his life signs did return to a more stable rhythm. When the worst was over, Rey let the shroud of worry fall off of her shoulders, and focused on her own troubles instead.

She pressed both hands against the glass, and stared up into Finn’s untroubled face.

“I wish you were here, right now.” She whispered, her breath fogging up the glass where she spoke. If anyone in the room could hear the tender whispers, they made no acknowledgement of it. “I could really use some advice.”

What would he say if he knew what she was considering, she wondered? No, she knew _exactly_ what Finn would say. _Run, Rey. Get as far away from the First Order as you can. Run, and don’t look back._ He’d be appalled by the idea that she was even considering some kind of neutral position. In fact, she wouldn’t have been surprised if he tried to knock her out and carry her off himself.

She laughed, but it was a quiet, sad sound. Finn was in no state to be carrying anyone anywhere; and she was used to making decisions for herself.

“No holding my hand.” She whispered to the bacta tank, reminding the unconscious man that she did not let others make decisions for her. Whatever she was about to do, she would do with a conscious decision - and she would do it alone.

She was no soldier. No righteous warrior. She was just a girl, a solitary figure, who happened to be in the right place, at the right time. It was up to her whether she was prepared to try and make a difference in a war she hadn’t even known existed until so recently. A war that - as far as she knew - had never once affected her life. It wasn’t her war. But that didn’t matter, did it?

People were going to die if she did not at least try to help.

She thought of the sacred villages, and the innocent lives lost with every fight. Without missing a beat, her mind turned wildly, and she thought of the lives on the Starkiller base. They were enemies of the Resistance, and of freedom itself - but they were people, nonetheless. They were people just like Finn.

He’d come from the First Order. How many others in their ranks felt the same way he did? How many deserved a chance at peace?

She imagined Finn, trussed up in a Stormtrooper uniform, holding out his gun and refusing to fire at her. She imagined a million different faces underneath the mask, no longer Finn, and yet somehow just as important.

But then it all came back down to Finn himself, floating in that bacta tank because Kylo Ren had tried to kill him. Kylo Ren, the very symbol of the First Order, leading through fear and intimidation.

She didn’t think there was anything she could do to change him, but it was a strange comfort when she felt her arm aching again, and remembered that in the end, underneath the rage and power and evil, Kylo Ren was just as human as she was. She’d proven that, and the pain reminded them both of it.

She was in the right place, at the right time.

“I’ll get you out of here, Finn.” She whispered, smiling up at him even if that smile did not reach her suddenly determined eyes. “I promise.”

She would get him safely back to the Resistance without her. And then..

She would fight. In her own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a two day break while a friend visits, then back to the daily grind!


	5. Chapter 5

“I want to see her.”

It had only been a day, but Ren was already sitting up, testing out his new arm with a constant clutch of the silvery fingers. He hadn’t yet managed a full fist, yet.

“But frankly, she doesn’t want to see you.”

Hux returned periodically, to check on him, and to keep his mind occupied. Recovery was a slow and bothersome process - and Rey, still undecided, had given Hux the cold shoulder. _Time_ , she’d demanded. _Give me time_. What else could he do but use that time productively elsewhere?

His productivity had come at the price of dealing with a wretch in desperate need of emotional release. He would have preferred the scavenger.

Ren tore his gaze away from his slow moving fingertips and glared at the General, eyes narrowed with disbelief. “And why do we suddenly care so much about what she wants? At what point has she ceased to be our political prisoner, and suddenly become our guest?”

Hux gave him a long, knowing look. _Guest_ was a particularly bad choice of words for Ren to use, considering the last time he’d labelled her as such. Hux waited in the silence, with a tight, growing smirk, and recognized the exact moment that Ren snatched the thought from his mind and felt it slap Ren firmly back into submission.

Good. Let him stew in his hypocrisy.

“I’m rather inclined to keep her happy while she’s here. I won’t have you questioning my methods when it comes to her.”

The slow clench and release of Ren’s fingers began again. Hux could hear the whine of mechanical work whispering underneath all that durasteel. His tensions rose with every waiting second, until finally Ren broke it - and the obnoxious lilt of his voice had goosebumps rising across the skin of Hux’s neck.

“You speak as if you _own_ her.” There was a very soft, dangerous implication there. Ren was being _suggestive_. “When did this happen?”

A quick scoff escaped Hux’s lips. “It’s preposterous to even suggest that any one person could attempt to _own_ Rey. It amuses me to think of how she’d react to the idea of your claim. Probably X out your face with a matching scar.” His fingers began searching wildly. Where had his pack of cigarettes gone? They were missing from his greatcoat, which rested behind the chair he sat on, and he needed them _very much_ right then. 

Ren watched him struggle in search, and read far too deeply into it.

“Rey.” He uttered the word in a voice Hux realized he’d never heard. It was more human than he’d ever sounded, and the General paused in his search to take a good look at him.

“Excuse me?” Hux finally questioned in confusion.

“You called her Rey.” There was no anger in Ren’s voice. No frustration. No demand. It was unnerving, as was the heavy silence that followed, and the General altogether hated the way it threw him - especially when it came to the topic at hand. 

Hux sat back in his chair, and shrugged.

“I’ve come to understand that is her name. It seems cruel to continue calling her the scavenger, don’t you think? Or should I have given her a rank and file number? RY-2187, to match her dear traitor.”

He was trying to rile Ren up, to bring back the ire and foul temper. Mentioning FN-2187 in connection to the girl did the job flawlessly, and he let out a shaky sigh of relief. This was the Ren he was used to. The Ren that left him sharp, and focused, without a shred of confusion. He never thought he’d purposefully desire the anger of a man who he’d too often assumed would be his death - but the day had come, and he accepted it gratefully.

If he was angry, then he was not as penetrating. Maintaining their steps in the shallow pool of respect was far enough for them both.

“Has Snoke ordered his death yet?” Ren sneered out, returning to practicing his arm movements. 

Hux merely shook his head, feigning boredom immediately. “I haven’t received word from Snoke concerning anything, to be honest. And I am finding that a little more disturbing with each passing day.”

He was very careful to keep the news that Snoke had purposefully kept Ren from the bacta tanks out of his mind. He needed that bit of information to be revealed later, at a more opportune time than this. If Ren hurled himself at Snoke now, he’d simply be knocked down and take it like a well trained dog. He might even lose another arm.

No, there would be time for Ren’s anger, one day. He kept the truth hidden carefully under lock and key.

He needn’t have worried; when he returned his attentions to the man, he realized that Ren had lost himself in thought. He backtracked to the last thing he’d said - his disturbance with being left to dwell too long without orders; and found himself startled by Ren’s next words - which he assumed to be a response to the disturbance.

“I’m sorry.”

“I beg your pardon?” Not only were those the last words he’d ever expected to hear from Kylo Ren, they made no sense to him. Why would Ren care whether or not Hux was being left out of Snoke’s newest designs?

But he was soon corrected; that wasn’t what Ren was apologizing about, at all.

“For using you. Last night.”

The sentence was so otherworldly, that he couldn’t help himself - he laughed. Ren glared up at him with instant vitriol, but the entire situation had become so absurd that Hux wondered if he was having some sort of strange fever dream.

“For _using_ me?” He repeated, the rising pitch of his voice suddenly demanding an explanation. “My memory must be failing me. Care to remind me of when you think you were _using_ me?” The word was emphasized every time he said it; and with each passing second, he felt more and more unsettled.

It didn’t help that Ren was not explaining himself. His brow was furrowed deeply, and his hand had stopped clenching. He was just peering at the General, as if he’d expected the man to realize what he’d meant on his own. As if he was offended - no, that was ridiculous. Confused, perhaps. _Expectant_ , certainly.

But the General did _not_ come to his own conclusions, and only grew more flustered.

Finally, Ren let out a breath, and in that gust of air, his answer escaped in disbelief. “You don’t know.”

_Where were his blasted cigarettes-_

“You felt nothing.”

The chair whined as Hux practically leapt from it, his patience finally reaching an end. The expression on Ren’s face was maddening - all soft lines and peaceful confusion, hiding a secret that was there, on the tip of his tongue, ready to fall at the next breath.

Then it retreated, and Ren began to test his hand again.

“Sit down, General.” He commanded, despite it sounding like a request.

“I’m comfortable standing. Thank you.” Hux would deny him to the last, if only to hope for that flush of rage to return. He was unraveled slowly when it did not come, and the man who stared up at him from his medical cot seemed haunted, but calm.

He did not know this man. He did not _want to._

“You have something I want,” The man on the cot told him. Every word, every breath Ren took made him more and more a stranger.

“The girl?” Hux guessed, his stomach clenching when Ren shook his head. 

“You’ve said it yourself. You don’t own the girl. The only thing you own is yourself. And you have control.” One of the fingers of his new prosthetic arm moved too quickly, bucking into his hand. “That is how I used you.”

He was being shown something - a moment of indescribable pain - flashes of white, desperate attempts to shut himself down - and then a warmth, a tightness that he could almost feel around his own body, and something all too familiar. 

He could feel his own carefully cultivated sense of self-control amplified, and stolen by the man he’d held in his arms.

“How _dare_ you.” Hux whispered out, with no trace of that self-control now present in his voice. Ren looked contrite, and once more Hux realized he had no real idea who he was dealing with. “I did not consent to that.”

“I wasn’t in the state of mind to ask permission.” Ren reminded him, as the flash of pain returned to Hux’s mind. He shoved it away, refusing to feel pity for a man who’d intruded so personally into him that he’d stolen his very sense of _self._

“Borrowed.” Ren corrected, enraging Hux further. He didn’t need to be warned - the slight widening of Hux’s eyes followed by the cold glare that bore into him was enough to remind him to stay out of the man’s head.

"Do you think this is a joke?" Hux's voice shuddered abnormally as he bore down, the long lines of his body curving to lean menacingly towards Ren. "Is everyone in this galaxy subject to your power-driven whims? Hm? Are we all just your playthings, the toys of a wrathful god?"

Ren appeared visibly disturbed. If Hux didn't know any better, he'd believe the man could feel every inch of his fury, like a physical weight being dropped into his lap. If he didn’t know any better, he would believe that Ren cared.

" **Say something.** " Hux seethed out, slamming both hands down on the cot, on either side of Ren's body. "Because 'I'm sorry' isn't good enough anymore. And you'll find I'm not quite as controlled as you think I am, when you've pushed me hard enough."

"The only one pushing here is _you_ , General." Ren growled out in warning, finally leaning forward to gain back lost ground. "Your ignorance is starting to test me. Back off."

Without much regard for his self-preservation, General Hux laughed right into Ren's face. "My ignorance? Of what? Your Force abilities? Or your lack of self-control? Trust me, Ren. I'm well caught up on _both_ topics."

Ren's hands, both of them, were on his chest, pushing him back with a physical thrust. Only one of them managed to actually move Hux, however - and he slapped the man's hand away, straightening himself up. 

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" Ren screamed, with the voice of a man struggling with more than just anger. The jarring tone of his voice startled Hux, and in the moments that followed, he settled into a contemplative silence. There _was_ something more, some piece of information he didn’t know - which immediately made him want it.

"Then tell me."

"No." Ren's quick return was hurtled at him, and Hux flared with anger. He breathed through his nose, searching for the sense of calm that eluded him, and for one frightening moment he worried that Ren had stolen, not borrowed, his control. But then it came, cold and familiar, like an old friend.

"What you did without my permission is unforgivable." Hux reminded him, eliciting a flinch past Ren's dark, scarred features. "You will tell me what happened. You will. I deserve that much."

He felt a fissure of energy in the air, as though time itself had stopped, until Ren looked back up at him with a risen brow and a tightening around the eyes. To his credit, Hux did not react. His stance was still taut and rigid, with his hands still at his sides, and those piercing eyes glaring down with expectation. He waited until it was a moment too long, and then rose his eyebrows in expressive demand.

“Well?”

When the compliance came, Hux could feel that it nearly broke the man to prepare to speak of this. Something about that felt important. It fizzled Hux’s mood into something less predatory, and much more willing to listen.

“Good,” Hux breathed out, moving to sit back in his chair with the comfort of a man unburdened by trouble. “Start from the beginning. I want you to tell me everything about this power. You’ll find that I am quite well versed in Jedi lore - and I’m confident that is not a skill they teach in the temple.”

He expected Ren to keep fighting him on this. He expected silence, or even anger. What he received in response reminded him that Ren was not the man he’d once been. Suddenly, Hux was reminded of how violently the world had shifted for him, in the last few days. Perhaps it had done the same for Ren, who just chuckled darkly at the mention of the Jedi temple. 

“There’s a lot of power untapped by the Jedi. For a faculty based on the abandonment of fear, they were hypocritically scared of a lot of hidden knowledge. You’d never read about most things, even if you had access to their own personal vaults. It doesn’t even have to be a direct text on the Dark Side; if it troubled them, it never saw the light of day.”

Hux fell very still, and very silent. If Ren was finally going to open up to him, he was not going to give him reason to stop.

“Even so, I doubt this is the kind of thing anyone would have even wanted to write about. It’s not a power. It’s not - on purpose.”

He paused, waiting - hoping - for Hux to say something. When the General made no move to interrupt, Ren shifted in discomfort. Hux had never seen him this dismayed - and it was intriguing him more by the second. Finally, when Ren began to try and explain, there were halts to his voice that broke his thoughts up into fragments and unfinished statements. Gone was the quick, dry wit. Gone were the smooth and dangerous undertones. This was not the Master of the Knights of Ren. This was a man who struggled.

“It’s - hollow. Within, it is hollow. And like any container, the liquid will travel in to fill - or in my case, the emotion. It is torment; to be filled, to let die, to be filled again. All feelings inherently fleet. Nothing ever lasts, because they’re not mine to feel. But I feel them, just the same.”

Pretty words for something that Hux understood was no longer some kind of hidden power. What Ren was explaining - a trait that Hux was only just beginning to understand - sounded more like a curse.

Which explained a great many things.

“It should be simple. I should be able to block it all out. I want to be free, but it’s never that simple. The Supreme Leader is the only one who’s ever understood - who has ever tried to help - “

Hux held his hand up, finally finding reason to stop Ren’s painful attempts to explain. “How long have you suffered through this?” He asked, a thread of agitation threatening to make him ill.

“There wasn’t a time I can remember where I wasn’t.”

And there it was, the churning in his stomach as he thought of a child, in his infancy, intimately feeling the emotions of an adult. Of his own parents. And a creature who seemed more than human, reaching out to him with a promise.

“When I complete my training, it will stop. The Supreme Leader has foreseen this.”

A promise of freedom from his pain.

A promise that has led Kylo Ren around by a leash for the better part of thirty years.

Hux felt entirely out of his league dealing with what amounted to the effects of a lifetime of Force-powered empathy overload. He thought, just for a moment, that he sincerely regretted asking Kylo Ren to explain it all to him.

But he’d never seen the man look calmer in his entire life. There was a comfort in that, and it would not allow him to regret his choice.

“And if it does not?” He asked, garnering a quick and furious glare in reply. He refused to flinch, his cold eyes holding his gaze. “If the Supreme Leader is wrong?”

He could see the part of Ren’s lips, moment’s away from denying the possibility. Infallible, he would say. Impossible. Unthinkable.

Then his lips slowly closed again, and Hux knew doubt had finally crept into that abused heart.

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing we don’t have long to wait, isn’t it.” Hux reminded him, rolling his neck to ease the tension that had crept up his entire back from the conversation. “You’ll be on your way to complete your training soon.”

The whining of metal began again, as Ren renewed his practice with his hand in earnest. “Yes.”

“I hope for the best.”

The words felt as hollow as Ren had described himself - Hux did not believe Snoke was going to magically cure Ren of anything. But if - _when_ Snoke failed, Hux thought it might be in his best interests to be prepared with an alternative. Not a cure, perhaps, but maybe something Ren had never considered before.

Acceptance.

And perhaps more importantly;

Control.

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” He stood, picking up his greatcoat and laying it over his shoulders. Ren was intent on his arm, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead as he pushed his efforts too hard, and barely nodded in reply. But a moment later, he swiveled his head up, and Hux saw the flash of anger in his eyes - that anger that was his, and his alone. 

Ren was wrong about himself, Hux thought. He wasn’t hollow at all. Perhaps his own feelings were the ones he simply did not want to feel.

“I still want to see her. I don’t care if you have to drag her here. I won’t be denied.”

With a sharp snap of his collar, Hux settled back into his role, folding his hands behind his back respectfully and glaring down in contempt. “I’ll bring her. When she’s ready. Not a minute before.”

Whatever had been cultivated between the two of them in that private moment of conversation seemed to wither and die under that cold, calculating stare. Hux nodded his head respectfully, and Ren’s lips curled up in scorn.

“Good day.” Hux declared, in the most proper voice he’d ever mustered. He rolled a tense stabbing ache out of his shoulders before exiting the room, breathing carefully to control the painful throbbing of his anxious heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU HUX FOR BETAING THIS FOR ME! ilu my hero forever.


	6. Chapter 6

It was impressive that Kylo managed not to wake up for almost an hour while she was in the room. She’d kept him blocked out, so that when he finally woke up, it would be the physical sight of a girl curled up tightly in Hux’s chair that alerted him to her presence, instead of her Force signature.

But it was there, as soon as he searched for it. Well hidden, carefully protected, but still very much there.

Kylo took this small opportunity, in the moments directly after waking up, to just look at her. He could feign drowsiness then, still blinking away the fog of exhaustion. He could see the light reflecting in her gaze from her perch, where she took up no more than half of the chair in her tight, tense little ball. Her arms were around her legs, and she looked so tired. He wondered how long it had been since she’d felt safe enough to fall asleep.

She’d been watching _him_ sleep, he sluggishly realized. She could have killed him, then. It wouldn’t have been very hard for her.

The spell was broken with that thought, and he stirred to stretch his body out. Every part of her in that chair tensed and coiled, preparing to run. He was the one lying on a medical cot, recovering from wounds _she’d_ given him, and she was still so scared of what he might do.

He turned to lay on his side, his good arm resting underneath his head, and realized that her fear made all of this a lot easier on him. He could taste it, recognize it, understand it. There was nothing as palpable and easy to tolerate as fear. 

But the more he stared, the less she feared him. She was straightening, until her lean body unraveled and sat open and normal. Her back straightened rigid and proud, reminding him that she was something to be respected. It wasn’t the first time he wondered how a scavenger from Jakku could manage to have grown up with such a strong force of will. It would serve her so well, when she finally turned.

His eyes pulled away to look at something - anything - that wasn’t her. He’d asked for this, he reminded himself. This was what he’d _wanted_. What he _needed_. And now, now that he had her in his grasp, he wanted nothing more than to push her away. He fought that weak willed desire away with a sigh.

“Why are you here?” Kylo asked, his voice still scratchy with sleep. He turned back to look at her, his mind reaching out for answers that wouldn’t come with words. When she felt him attempt to intrude, she locked herself away again, until he felt like he was up against a brick wall. How could she be this strong? “You could have run away a dozen times. Are you waiting for the perfect time to kill me?”

Too late, he thought bitterly. That time had already come and gone.

Rey refused to answer. Instead, she found a frayed edge on the armchair of the plush little seat she occupied, and began to pick at it extensively with her fingers. The edge was unraveling in tiny bits, and she was leaving a pitiful little wound where she touched.

When he groaned, her fingers stopped. He pushed himself up by the arms, and managed half-way before the durasteel arm reminded him that he still wasn’t used to it’s presence, and throbbed with a sharp enough pain to collapse him back on the bed. Behind suddenly closed eyelids, he saw stars, and heard a moan too soft and feminine to have come from his mouth - but it might as well have, as if his lips had shifted to form the sound she’d made.

Before he could breathe through the pain, the medical cot was triggered, and he was being pushed up into a seated position forcefully by it’s mechanical movement. He opened his eyes, and saw her standing beside his cot, with the meat of her palm slammed against the controls. She looked angry - but he knew better. She was just in pain.

His pain.

There was no lack of irony in their situation, as he watched her feel the pain of someone other than herself. The cot reached it’s upright position, and she pulled her hand away, backing up to return to her seat.

“Rey.”

There was something personal in the way her eyes fell on him when she heard her name. She responded to it with a fierceness, a demand that he realized could only come from possession. Her name was important to her. Being called by her name was _important_ to her.

He wouldn’t do it again.

“What did Hux offer you?” The question felt unfinished. It sounded like he was asking her what Hux offered that he had not. It was the wrong question, and he saw the sudden flare of indignation burning in her eyes. She was so easily riled up - she _needed_ to accept her place in the darkness. Her flirtation with the Light side would surely come to a quick end with a temper like that burning inside of her.

“I wasn’t _bribed_ to stay, if that’s what you’re asking.” Even with a hushed voice, he felt her displeasure pulsing warm against him. “He’s not giving me anything but a choice.”

And though he wasn’t aware what this choice was, he already knew - he’d have killed to have been given one, himself.

The soft metallic grate of his arm began to fill the air as he practiced moving it at his side.

“What _choice_?”

She considered his question for a moment, and finally finished curling back up into the chair. She looked comfortable, there. Too comfortable, he mused. He wanted the fear back. Instead, she looked like she suddenly had all of the power in their situation, and it sickened him to feel that smugness emanating from her so thickly.

“Why should I tell you? It’s between me, and Hux.”

He saw it there in her eyes, that moment of pride at being able to hold something over his head, like an older sibling keeping a toy away from a child. She was trying to goad him. She had no sense of self-preservation at all.

And she had no idea how well it was working.

“That’s funny.” His voice had a husk of amusement that made her heart hurt when she heard it - he sounded so much like Han, in that moment. “I didn’t realize you were in the business of making friends with the enemy. Maybe I’ve got a shot, after all.”

Her smile was tight-lipped and unamused. “He’s not my friend. Neither are you.”

“You could have fooled me. Making deals with him, watching me sleep, if I didn’t know any better I would think you’re actually just fond of the two of us. Maybe that’s why you won’t run.”

He didn’t have to be looking at her to feel how disgusted she was with his assessment. His lips twitched up in victory, and he braced himself for whatever intolerable revenge she was about to give her rebuttal with. He’d knocked her off of her pedestal - and she was scrambling to find a way back on top.

He knew it was coming.

“Why aren’t you angrier?” She asked, briskly changing the subject. “You’re in that cot because of me. You lost your arm because of me. And your face - and your big weapon - why are you like this?”

“Like _this_?” He seethed out, unable to contain the slow burn of rage from his voice despite having expected her to test him. “Is my composure _displeasing you_ , girl? Would you rather I lash out at you from this bed and snap your little neck? Is _that_ what you’re hoping for?”

No matter how much she tried to hide it, he still felt that flash of fear run cold through her, and his eyes tightened around the edges.

“I’m not letting you touch me.” She spat out. “But it sure would make more sense to see you try.”

The rage inside of him bubbled and then lifted from him, as he barked out a too-sharp laugh. She flinched at the sound, silencing him with the reaction. He’d wanted her fear, before. Now, he couldn’t stand it.

“This.” He held his durasteel arm up, and pulled it into a fist. “This? This is not your doing. This.” His fingers ran across the bandage that covered his face. “Not you. And the destruction of the Starkiller was _definitely_ not because of you. The latter was your precious traitors doing - and these scars on my body don’t get to be about you. They’re mine, girl. They came from my own weakness. I did this to myself.”

He’d gone too far. He watched her eyes widen, and his lips parted as he was struck with what he was feeling through her. Rey crippled him with emotions he’d never felt before, and they had him staring helplessly as she scrambled out of the seat and closed the distance between them. This was not rage he was feeling. It was something purer, like the heat of a vibrant, too-close sun. She wasn’t mad. She was determined. She was righteous, and vengeful. 

“I hurt you.” Rey seethed out, her face flushing red with fury and her hands shaking so hard he could feel it against the end of the cot she gripped. “I beat you. You fought me and I _beat_ you. Those are mine. MINE.”

It was a side of her that she never would have wanted to discover, but he’d ripped it out of her with nothing but words, and now she was blossoming with hate. She’d never been more beautiful, nor did he ever think he’d seen an uglier expression on her face. 

She was still shaking. Waiting. Demanding.

He reached up and pulled the bandage off of his face, peeling it with a slow tug until it fell away and let her glimpse the torn skin beneath. The scar her lightsaber left him with was black, burned the instant the saber had touched his skin. Eventually the scab would fall away, but until then he was left with a raised welt of burned skin, running across his forehead, his nose, and falling away at the edge of his jaw. He leaned in, and his proximity had her backing up instinctively.

He wanted her to get a good, long look at it.

“Yours?” He asked, his voice as sarcastic as it was curious. Deep down, he wanted to know just how willing she was to take this credit. To have marked him.

He found the answer was exactly what he’d hoped it was.

“Mine.” She huffed out, folding her arms in front of her stubbornly. “And don’t you forget it.”

She was proud to have hurt him. Not ashamed. Not worried. Just proud. He could feel the tug of healing skin stretch when his cheeks moved, pushed up by a one sided smirk. Her expression flickered, and he knew that she could feel that pain, too.

“When I have recovered, I will promise you one thing, girl.” He refused to call her Rey anymore, but she was no longer just a scavenger. She was so much more than that. “I _will_ fight you again. If you refuse my knowledge, then I will fight you untrained. If you don’t, then I will wait until you’re ready. Either way, we’ll meet on the battlefield one more time. And if you manage to put a single scar on my body - then, and only _then_ you can claim that as yours. Until then, you get nothing. You don’t get to be proud of bringing me down until you’ve done it while I am whole.”

She glanced at his arm, and the smirk on his face dropped hard at the implication in her eyes. But the arm was nothing, compared to what she said next.

“You killed your own father.” She whispered. Her tone was almost sad, but the bitterness overwhelmed it. “You’ll never be whole again.”

Rey had never seen the Dark side manifest so visibly in someone’s eyes. Soulful brown turned red, and then golden, as she watched. Out of everything she’d seen or felt Kylo Ren do since she’d known him, this was the most terrifying moment of all.

He leaned in to her, and she realized she couldn’t pull away. He’d frozen her to the spot, rooting her until those terrible yellow eyes were inches away from her face. She didn’t know what she was looking at, but it wasn’t human. She was sure that she’d gone too far, and all those promises to fight her were about to be thrown away. She was about to die.

His throat bobbed, as he swallowed hard. Several blinks later, the color of evil was bleeding away from his eyes, leaving nothing but that dark, ruddy brown.

“You play a very dangerous game, girl.” He whispered, the heat of his breath blowing against her skin. “Making deals with the devil, and now this? I think you _do_ have a death wish. That’s pathetic.”

“Let me go.” Her anger was starting to catch up with her. She was breathing in sharp gasps, and she stumbled when his hold on her was released. She fell unceremoniously into the chair behind her, and after a few seconds of climbing frustration, she let out a scream.

“Are you going to run away now?” He asked, which just got another half-strangled scream out of her. The moody calm was back, and he’d gone so far as to turn in his cot to face her fully. “If you’re worried I’m going to stop you-”

“I’m not afraid of ANYTHING.” She screamed up at him, silencing him with the force of her righteous fury. Despite the fact that she’d yelled the words uncontrollably, or the way her hands gripped the frayed arms of the chair and tore into it with her nails, she looked up at him and caught an expression so intrigued, so impressed, that she felt like he finally, _finally_ believed her.

It was a lie, of course. But a good one.

“Why are you here?” He asked again, his eyes narrowed with irritation as he practically begged for an answer. “Rey, why are you _here_?”

He wanted the truth. She knew he didn’t deserve it - he never would - and she wanted to hold it all back from him like a precious secret, locked away and private. She wanted to deny him everything she could, just to see him suffer.

But this time, holding it back was only making her suffer. It broke like a crack in a dam, and she let out one quiet, strangled sob.

It was all there, suddenly and without warning. Her barriers were not broken, they were being peeled away; because she couldn’t bear to say any of it out loud. She left herself open, and when he reached into her mind, she lifted it all up for him to take. One by one they came, the feelings of loneliness, of strangeness, of wrongness everywhere she’d turned. She’d never left Jakku because she believed there had to be someone out there to take her where she belonged, but the truth was that she belonged nowhere, and could call no place home.

She wanted to help people. That was the only thing she still knew to be true. She wanted to help, but there was a part of her so scared of getting close to anyone, just to see them abandon her in turn. She couldn’t help how much safer it felt to try and help from a distance, despite the yawning loneliness she could feel with every single day stretching out in solitude before her. 

She felt like she was still on that desert planet, staring at a barren future.

She didn’t know what the answer was for her, nor did she know what path she was destined to take. The only thing she would always hold on to, was that she wanted to help. Not hurt. Never hurt. Help.

“Yet you’re so proud of hurting me.” Kylo reminded her gently, pulling himself out of the thoughts she was offering in order to keep from having to say a word. “You’re proud of what you’ve done.”

“You deserved it.” She huffed up at him, quieter now. Calmer. In sharing, she’d found some modicum of peace.

He’d done the same, the day before, with Hux.

“You’re right.” She snapped a look of surprise up at him, when he admitted it. He laid his head back on the cot, and closed his eyes. “I did.”

It was a very long time - too long to be ignored as unimportant - before either of them spoke again.

Somewhere in the heaviness of that silence, Kylo realized he was feeling more than just the overwhelming loneliness of a girl who had no home. He felt the lifetime she’d spent on her own, fighting to keep positive when there was no reason for her to believe in anything at all. He felt the starvation, the thirst, the anger, the frustration. He felt everything she’d tried to bury deep down inside of herself for nineteen years in order to survive, and he felt it all rising to the surface at once. She didn’t cry, but her entire body was as taut as a tense wire, as the feelings overwhelmed her.

He’d never felt so much from one person, before.

“Rey.” It was a few more seconds before he’d broken that long silence. The sound of her name startled her so hard she yelped, and rose her head up to give him a round eyed stare.

“What?”

His heart raced with need. It wasn’t his own need, he reminded himself - none of this was his own. He tried so hard to convince himself that he didn’t really need this, he didn’t need anything. This wasn’t him.

This wasn’t him.

His arms rose up, bent at the elbow, in an obvious gesture.

She stared at the open request for an embrace, and let out a choked laugh.

“Are you kidding me?”

Humiliation came swift, and yet his arms stayed up, hoping.

“I’m not - “ She stood up out of the chair, and breathed sharp gasps through her nose. Her eyes were focused helplessly on the offer, because it was all she wanted in that moment. Just not from him. She couldn’t - not from him.

Why did it have to be him?

“I’m not going to hug you, Kylo.” Her words were broken by an inhale, and a quiet cry.

“You need this.” He whispered, but she couldn’t tell if he was speaking to her, or himself. The statement was true in both cases, and that changed nothing.

He refused to meet her eyes, so he wouldn’t have seen the way they hardened in resolution, but he would hear it in her frustrated, strangled voice.

“I’d rather hug a Rathtar.” She shrieked, barely managing not to trip over the armchair as she stumbled as quickly as she could out of the room. She heard something behind her, but she never turned to look at what he’d thrown or broken or destroyed in the frustration of her refusal. She couldn’t.

She just needed to get out of there.

Running down the halls towards Finn’s bacta-tank was a fruitless gesture. Rey knew she couldn’t get to him in there, and she knew she’d fall to pieces the moment she reached it and saw him floating in the fluid that continued to heal him. Still, there was nowhere else for her to go on this planet, so her footsteps took her there, struggling with each step. When she turned a corner, her ankle threatened to twist and she stumbled, bearing down on the man who’d been turning the corner from the opposite side. She never fell, nor did she slam into him, because his hands were fast enough to snap out and grab her by each arm and hold her steady and still. Something clattered at their feet, forgotten.

Hux, staring at the disheveled girl, parted his lips to ask her if she was all right. He never managed that far, because it was too late for Rey to help herself. All it took was his hands on her shoulders, and she broke, slamming hard into him and crushing her arms around him in a hug that he absolutely did not request. She would have done it to anyone in that moment, she told herself. The need was too great.

He was rigid in her arms, as though trapped with no idea how to react to someone doing this to him. And he didn't, if he was going to be honest with himself. But even he knew how callous it would seem if he remained frozen in this state. And so, he exhaled his held breath in a long, almost fortifying sigh and for the first time in his life gathered another person into his arms. At once, he realized that her embrace was constricting him painfully with strength. She was stronger than she looked.

But even the strong required help, in times of need. So he patted her back, and let the strange, tender event pass. He caught himself thinking how grateful it was that she wasn't crying; being hugged was strange enough.

And then she pulled away quickly, her lips trembling before she breathed in a shaky sigh.

“This never happened.” She warned him, staring up at him with his hands still perched in the same position they'd held her in. 

His eyebrows slowly lifted.

“As you say.” He breathed out gently, dropping his hands to his sides. She nodded her head in a sharp gesture, and left before her embarrassment flooded her face with color. It could have been anyone, Rey reminded herself again. And it had to be someone.

She disappeared into Finn’s room, where the General had just come from, and he stared at the empty doorway for a moment as he tried to piece together what had just happened. Then he bent to pick up the holopad he’d dropped in the encounter, and smoothed down the front of his uniform.

“I’d very much appreciate it,” He grumbled to his holopad quietly. “If everyone stopped hugging me, and started to hug each other, instead.”

They were the emotional wrecks, not him. This movement towards physical intimacy was getting wildly out of hand.

* * *

Back in his room, Kylo Ren bore the emotional tilt of the moment as if he was struck by an arrow. He wasn’t nearly as hurt by her refusal - in fact, when she walked out without giving in to her need it was almost a relief. But she _did_ end up giving in, and he felt the flush of momentary grief and joy in a dissatisfying echo. He felt it, but it was not happening to him. He did not get to perceive that grief, that joy, that _release_ himself, because she had not hugged him.

She’d hugged the General, instead.

He felt himself fraying like the edges of that chair under her fingertips. He had nothing to grieve for, nothing to enjoy. All he had was a hollow echo of something that should have been his, stripped and dropped into the cavity of his chest only to be taken away once it was done. There was nothing left but the aftertaste of what could have been.

To be filled, to let die, to be filled again.

He curled into himself, his arms wrapping around his body in a crude imitation of what a hug could feel like, and in the privacy of his quiet room, he tried to cry in the hopes of emotional release.

But he found that he couldn’t. They weren’t his tears to shed, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what you need? An awesome Reylux playlist. Here's one I listen to when I write:
> 
> http://8tracks.com/aisu-k/triad
> 
> Which was made by the following lovely Reylux lover: http://nightshadedmusings.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> (My personal favorite song is Wrapped Around Your Finger.)


	7. Chapter 7

Another holopad was delivered directly into Hux’s hands, with another ridiculously short and demanding message on it. He’d acquiesced to the first, for his own reasons. Now, it seemed the girl had found a taste for his shrewd benevolence and thought to exploit it as a weakness. On the holopad, it stated very succinctly that she wanted Finn taken off the anesthesia, now that he was healed. It did not request a conversation about it. The girl had simply demanded.

If he wasn’t so put off by the presumptuous behavior, he knew he’d be more than a little impressed by how easily she took to commanding others. In fact, his men shouldn’t have given her access to a holopad at all - let alone hand delivered General Hux messages from her using it.

Nevertheless, her arrogance would need to be dealt with, and he thought this a perfect time to segue into the lesson. So he’d called her into his office, which was a shoddy mock-up of what a General’s office _should_ be with what little the medical facility could provide. She sat in front of his desk, with a straight back and folded hands, trying to look the part of a respectful member of his company.

It was a little late for that.

“Tell me,” General Hux breathed out, his voice even in tone. He was leaning on the corner of his desk, directly in front of her, and even the way his body rested on that shred of wood looked crisp and formal. “How do you manage to convince the petty officers that you are cleared for a holopad, and have permission to send me direct messages?”

Her face instantly blanched, and all that arrogance bled from her position. He hadn’t expected it to be _that_ easy. So he smiled.

“I’m just curious. It’s an affliction of mine. Indulge me; did you use the Force to manipulate their minds?”

He found he loved the absolute horror in her expression when she stared at him, scandalized. “No!”

“You make it sound as if you’ve never done that to my men before. Do I need to remind you otherwise?” He was chuckling as he warned her, the ease of his amusement tempering the sting of his reminder. “So, you did not coerce them. How, then?”

There was unmistakable petulance in her expression when she looked up at him again. “I asked.” She informed him, her tone indicating that she thought it would be obvious. When he waited in the silence, clearly not accepting the answer, she added a sharp, almost embarrassed completion to it. “Nicely.”

“You asked.” He repeated, getting a nod back from her. His lips twitched, unable to help himself as he continued with a tone of incredulous mirth. “ _Nicely_. And that’s all.”

“That’s all,” She confirmed.

He was staring just a little too long, as he tried to imagine how easily his officers had succumbed to those bright, round eyes, and that gentle smile. She was the picture of non-threatening innocence, when she wanted to be.

It was when she didn’t want to be, that Hux found her the most interesting.

“Then I would like to ask you, _nicely_ , to please stop putting my officers in a position that could potentially get them removed from their positions.” He put down the holopad, and caught the way her jaw dropped. “It might surprise you to know that it shouldn’t be that easy to simply demand things from a General. I’m not upset, of course. I did tell you if you needed anything, that I would be at your service. I simply did not remember that you, a woman of no military experience, would not realize certain etiquettes are required to maintain proper balance in an establishment. The officer that has been relegated to your errand boy probably thinks you have me wrapped around your little finger.”

Rey inhaled, and Hux’s cold blue eyes snapped to attention, catching the way her body straightened with the effort of it. “Is that what you wish people to think, Rey? I assure you, the only goal you’ll achieve by propagating such a rumor is my swift and immediate dismissal. While that might sound tempting, remember that I am the one who is still prepared to give you your freedom back, should you choose not to take my offer. I doubt my successor will feel as magnanimous.”

He’d made his point. He could see it in the way she slumped, looking uncomfortable in her own skin. “I didn’t know.” She admitted, an irritable sulk still threading through her voice. “I won’t do it again.”

“Not unless it’s an emergency.” Hux amended, making sure to stress that he was asking for a measure of censorship, instead of total disconnection. “You’re still here as my guest. That does not give you the right to make demands of me, left and right. And this-” He dropped the holopad on the desk in front of her, a little harder than he needed to. “Is quite the demand.”

Immediately, he could see that she was preparing to fight. Promising no further demands was one thing - but she wouldn’t give up on the one she’d already sent. He’d been prepared for this moment.

Or so he’d thought.

“Why can’t Finn wake up?” Her voice cracked as it rose, and she leaned forward in the chair. “You can keep him locked up in a cell. What’s the problem? I just want to _talk_ to him!”

She’d answered her own question, but Hux was too clever to be honest about it. “It really doesn’t matter what you or I think about this. The truth is, this isn’t up to me. The order to keep him under comes directly from Supreme Leader Snoke. No amount of holopad demands are going to help you change this, Rey. You really have to understand that.”

She didn’t. But the degree to which she was unaware would shock him to the core, when she spoke next.

“I want to talk to Snoke.”

It felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath him. “It’s a little premature for that,” He muttered, no sign of the capable man in his voice now. 

She surged forward, and Hux stood from his perch on the desk as if startled by the sudden movement. He rose to his full height, and straightened out his jacket anxiously. Now, she had to look up at him to speak, and that suddenly felt very important to him. There was no room for informality when she was that close.

“Was I wrong to think you could help me, General?” The dangerous tone of her voice took his breath away. Hux could easily see why those of the Dark side persuasion were so interested in trying to turn her. “Because I thought you were the kind of man who gets things done.”

He let out a quiet, sharp laugh, and it made her flinch at it’s proximity. “My goodness. Rey, are you trying to _manipulate_ me?” She was playing off his ego, a bold move that could have worked if he wasn’t so well versed in how the game was played. Still, he looked - proud. And when she realized it, he watched shame flicker over her expression in waves. She was as easy to read as Ren was, both of them about as secretive as an open book. “And you thought you wouldn’t make a good diplomat.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She backpedaled, her expression pinching before she waved her hands wildly in the air. “Okay, that’s _exactly_ what I meant, but what do you want from me? I don’t have a lot of choices while I’m here. And you know I want to save him. There has to be something I can do. It’s not right, keeping him asleep like that. Don’t you all have some kind of moral code that’s breaking?”

One brow rose. “Dozens, in fact.” Hux informed her. “It amuses me to hear you ask me about the First Order’s moral code, after the destruction of the Hosnian system. You can’t really expect an appeal to the Supreme Leader’s sense of justice to work.”

He spoke of it like it was an ancient, passing anecdote. She paled in front of him, and took a few steps back, until the back of her knees bumped against her chair and she fell into it. It intrigued him to watch someone care so much for people they’d never met. Her entire body was bowing inward, as though his words had physically assaulted her. She couldn’t look him in the eye, now - but he could feel her shrinking away, and he realized that her strong spirit was partially fed by her ability to focus only on the good in a situation. He guessed that she hadn’t even thought about the First Order’s hand in the death of countless innocents, since she’d been in the medical facility.

Or his role, for that matter.

“Right.” She whispered out, her exhaustion creeping into her voice. “Almost forgot about that.”

Both of his eyebrows lifted this time, and he leaned in slightly, his head tilted in concern. “Did you?” His expression was the perfect mix of sympathy, and worry. It was a construct he rarely got to use, but was still well versed with - and when she dared to meet his eyes, he felt confident that it was working. “I don’t think you’re the type of person who wants to forget about the tragedies of the past. You wouldn’t be here if you were. You’re here to make sure that never happens again, remember?”

Her chest heaved, rising and falling in quick breaths, and his eyes never let hers go. When he saw her gaze solidify in determination, his expression changed for her as well. Now it was a tight, knowing smile that graced his features. He looked at her like they were sharing a dangerous secret, and when he thought about it, they really were. No one would have suspected the General of the First Order to be conspiring with a Resistance fighter in an attempt to reform their government without bloodshed.

No one who’d been standing on that platform the first day Starkiller fired would, at the very least.

“So, shall we consider this matter off the table?”

Their moment shattered, and her stubborn willfulness flooded her face again. Could he even be surprised? He felt that old exhaustion in his shoulders, the same one that Ren would give him from time to time.

“Absolutely not!” She cried out, straightening up in her chair. “I still need to talk to Snoke! I just - need to figure out a better reason for waking up Finn, that’s all.”

The absurdity with her obsession over the traitor was starting to wear on his nerves. He considered pointing out all the reasons FN-2187 did not deserve to be awake - or even alive - but smartly held his tongue. Instead, he appealed to her sense of survival.

“Snoke will not listen to your pleas. And it’s quite likely he’ll kill you on the spot, then kill your friend. He doesn’t even know of my plans for you, yet. Trust me, Rey - you must wait for the proper time in all things.”

“I don’t want to wait. This isn’t _right_. Please, General, I need to speak to him.”

She absolutely did not need to speak to the Supreme Leader, and Hux had no intention of bringing her before Snoke until he’d been summoned himself, and allowed to discuss the integration of the girl into the First Order under provisional, diplomatic means. But Rey was simply not accepting the need for patience, and he suddenly worried that the girl would use her Force abilities to sneak out of the medical facility and go see him herself. It wouldn’t be difficult - she could probably sense the man, wherever he was, even now.

Hux knew that denying her wouldn’t be enough. She needed to understand how fruitless her request really was.

He stood, and moved to the door. When he opened it, he waved his hand in a formal gesture, and saw the flicker of disappointment in Rey’s face. She thought he was kicking her out.

“No,” He answered the readable fear in her expression verbally, “We’re not done discussing this. I am clearly not impressing my opinion well enough on you, so let’s find someone who can.”

Someone who spoke her language. Someone who’d managed to instill fear in her just with a look. 

And someone who knew just how dangerous Snoke really was, with intimate experience.

She rose out of her chair and moved to exit the door with him, following him in silence while he led her through the halls to a room she’d never been in before. The sign on the door said rehabilitation, and she could hear something being pounded violently inside, but Rey didn’t need to see or hear anything to know exactly who they were there to meet. She felt him, just as sure as she felt that lingering, painful ache.

* * *

There was nothing quite as satisfying as pain.

He’d been warned that it was too soon, that the limb could detach in any number of places if he pushed too hard. He’d been scolded for getting out of bed and ignoring every scrap of advice thrown at him. There was even one droid, foolishly insistent enough to have followed him as he left for the physical rehabilitation gym, that now lay in sparking pieces against the wall.

He’d been assaulting a well used punching bag for the better part of an hour, burning blissfully with the pain of over-stressed muscles, when he first felt Hux and Rey coming closer. He could feel them moving in tandem, one after the other, and a ghost of the ache from the last time he’d tasted their presence was a crippling reminder of that moment. His punches had already been brutal, but something about the way they felt _together_ as they walked towards him made him push a little harder, begging the pain of his abused shoulder to give him release. He needed the adrenaline rushing through him, clouding his mind and blocking his senses. It wasn’t working, and he just kept punching harder, and harder-

The door to the rehab gym creaked open, and he slammed his new arm into the punching bag with a wretched scream, tearing a hole through it’s thick, normally unbreakable canvas.

That was the first thing the two of them saw, when Hux led the way up to meet him. He glared at the hole he’d made, and his eyes flickered with the threat of turning to look at Rey once he felt her spike of fear.

Good. Let her be scared of him. He deserved that much.

“I see that losing your lightsaber hasn’t kept you from your lifetime achievement goal of destroying First Order property.” Hux snapped out in utter disgust. “How wonderful. May we speak to you for a moment, or is there an appointment with an offending console already taking up the rest of your morning?”

Ren’s fists balled up tightly, and Hux’s sharp eyes took notice of it - he’d mastered the general use of his arm overnight. Something difficult must have spurned him towards the accomplishment.

Ren continued to glare at his handiwork. “Speak.” He spat out, already irritated with the intrusion. 

Despite how closed off the man had suddenly become, Hux did not hesitate to explain the situation quickly. “Rey has requested an audience with our Supreme Leader.”

That had Ren’s attention. His eyes were on her instantly, and Rey looked as though she was fighting the urge to step back behind Hux. She stood her ground, jutting her chin up awkwardly.

“She wants FN-2187 woken from his sedation and placed under normal arrest procedures. I’ve already warned her that this isn’t the time to ask the Supreme Leader for favors, as she hasn’t even committed herself to a position that is yet to be approved. Any attempts to meet with the Supreme Leader now would be suicide. She doesn’t believe me. I confess I would be hurt, if I had the capacity.”

He turned his head to look back at her, and one side of his lips turned up in a slight smile. 

“I had hoped you could talk some sense into her.”

“No one can talk sense into her.” Ren countered immediately, his eyes shifting with a sharp curiosity at Hux. The General’s gaze on Rey was soft; amused. He was comforting her with just a look.

And Ren could feel it unwinding within her, her tension relaxing much in the same way his fists were suddenly releasing. The General was very effective.

But not effective enough.

“You think I’m going to listen to him? Over you? Is that seriously why you brought me here?” Rey wanted to laugh, and in fact a few sharp huffs of amusement left her, but she sounded too tired to manage any more than that. “You’re crazier than I thought.”

“Send her.” Ren suddenly barked out, breaking whatever spell of comfort had wound around the two with his surprising answer. Hux swiveled his head to stare at the man, but Ren found himself unable to meet the shocked glare in his eyes. Rey was looking at him now, with open-mouthed awe. With _hope._

Ren’s face twisted as if the expression burned.

Hux scoffed in dismay. “Hah. How silly of me. To think that you would, for _once_ , use some common sense. When will I ever learn?” His sarcasm was biting, but it ended as quickly as it came. He moved to stand toe to toe with Ren, rigid with controlled rage. Even his voice was quieter, but no less hateful. “He’ll kill her, Ren. She is still a member of the Resistance, and any attempt to plead for the life of FN-2187 will be seen as an act of treason itself, and dealt with accordingly. She needs to _wait_.”

Rey felt blocked out of the conversation between what felt like two titans, and was immediately moved to change that. She stormed to stand beside them, and folded her arms stubbornly. “I can take care of myself. I won’t let him touch me. Why can’t you just accept that? This is my choice to make!”

Hux turned away from the looming gaze of Ren, and decided then and there that dealing with two grown children at once was simply too much for his already frayed sanity. “I’m not doubting you, Rey. This just isn’t the right time. You should wait.”

“Why?!”

Before his next words left his parting lips, Hux felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and stared, startled into silence, by the man in front of him. Ren’s dark eyes were peering too deeply, digging too far, but they looked as though understanding was starting to reach their depths. Hux knew, with a sickening feeling, that Ren was reading his mind.

“Because Snoke hasn’t told us anything, yet.” Ren’s voice had a chilling quality, hushing the two of them with it’s importance. “Which means he’s hiding something. He should have contacted the General with new orders by now. He hasn’t.” Ren was speaking to Rey, but his eyes were firmly focused on Hux. He hadn’t known Hux was being shut out - but Ren hadn’t been given any real detail on the Supreme Leader’s plans, either. He’d been tasked to focus on preparing for and eventually completing his training.

Throwing Rey at the Supreme Leader now had the potential to end in a quick and bloodless death for the four of them, should she look to get in the way of whatever plans Snoke was making.

“Hux is right.” Ren’s hand fell off of the General’s shoulder, but he did not miss the shudder that shook Hux’s body once the hand was gone. He chose to ignore it. “This isn’t the right time. There’s something we’re all missing, and your impatience could cost us all our lives. Including the _traitor_ ,” The words seethed out through clenched teeth. “And as much as he deserves that fate, I’m not inclined to give up my own life to see it happen.”

Rey flared up at him in an angry huff, with a look that reminded him remarkably of betrayal. He bit his lip to keep from being amused at it - at the idea that he had the power to betray her of anything.

“How do you know? Maybe-”

“Think of the day I interrogated you. Think of how you felt in that chair when I entered your mind.”

Rey’s lips curled up with a fury that washed over him, filling him in ways he wished his own fury had the power to do. “Why would you bring that up now? You’re sick, twisted, m-”

He refused to let her finish. His words came out in a rush now, unable to stop himself even if he wanted to.

“Whatever I did to you, as unforgivable as it might be, was done with hesitance. I didn’t _want_ to hurt you - but Snoke _will_. He will relish that moment, as he tears your mind apart, piece by agonizing piece, and leaves you with nothing. Didn’t you ever wonder why the first thing I saw in your mind was your loneliness, and the island that brings you peace? You were the one showing me these things, Rey. You were pushing them to the forefront of your mind to keep me away from the map. That map is still in there, hidden behind all the memories you think you can use as a shield, but there is _no_ shielding from the Supreme Leader. He will not take what you give him, as I once did. He will destroy everything in your mind until he has what he wants - you’ll be dead, and he’ll have the map to Skywalker once and for all.”

He’d bent closer with every word, forcing her to back away as he laid it out for her in painful detail. She’d be putting much more than the four of them at risk, if Snoke took the map to Luke from her. And Ren, as dangerous and vengeful as he was, was attempting nothing more than to warn her of her foolishness. It made no sense. None of this made sense to him, anymore. He could see by the wideness of her eyes that he was not alone in that sentiment. They were all treading new, treacherous territory together.

“You have no idea the kind of pain that is waiting for you.” He promised her, the implications heavy in his threatening tone. “Think of how I’ve made you feel, and then multiply that by a thousand. _That_ is what waits for you if you enter Snoke’s chambers, now.” His eyes were pleading with her in a gaze too intense for her to hold, and her head finally turned to break it. When she looked away, he spared a side-glance at Hux.

There was smugness, there. He wanted to slap it off of the General’s face.

In the silence, he waited for Rey to realize what a bad idea a visit to Snoke was. He gave her the time she needed, watching the choices at war in the change of her expression, until the hardening around her features told him she’d decided.

“How long?” She asked, so quiet he hardly heard her.

“We have no idea.” Hux answered for him.

“The Supreme Leader must reach out to General Hux first.” Ren added, garnering a nod from the man beside him. “If General Hux can convince him that keeping you here is a good idea, that you’d be an asset, as the General thinks you will, then he won’t drive into your mind the first time he sees you. Then, you have a chance at making a plea for your traitorous friend.”

Rey’s face pinched at the insult. She was never going to let that go unnoticed.

“Your fate, and his, lie on the General’s skills of persuasion.” Ren’s voice held a tone of distaste, the words tasting foul on his tongue. “Let us hope he’s as successful in convincing the Supreme Leader as he was in convincing you.”

But in the back of his mind, he regretfully admitted that he thought the former had been a very impressive feat.

“Can you wait that long?” Ren asked her, his head bent close to gauge her expression.

Rey looked from one man to the other, for a few long, meaningful seconds. She needed the time to come to terms with the position she’d put herself in. She was standing toe to toe with the leaders of the First Order, both of them unforgivable murderers. The three, herself included, were locked together in some strange connective moment, their voices hushed and conspiratorial, as if - as if -

“Well?” Ren whispered impatiently, the harshness of it knocking her strange thought away.

“I don’t have much of a choice.” She admitted, watching in wonder as both men let out nearly unnoticeable sighs of relief. As if they _cared_.

What was she doing here?

“Sir.” The sound of a petty officer made Rey nearly jump out of her skin. Ren straightened instantly, and it was only Hux who seemed unaffected, turning to regard the officer with a polite nod. A holopad was handed to him, which blinked with a private number that indicated he had a message from the Supreme Leader. He gawked at it for a moment, before waving the officer away with a swift shake of his hand. 

“Well.” He breathed out, a little put off by how much time had just been wasted trying to convince Rey to wait for something that was just about to happen, anyway. “Speak of the devil.”

“Snoke?” Rey’s voice piped up in surprise, her voice cracking with hope.

Hux gave her a narrowed glance, before tapping the holopad against the top of her head. “Spoiled child.” He murmured, pursing his lips with amusement. “Your uncanny luck may be the death of me yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have words for how moved I am by the comments I get from this story. I'm just really glad you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it, and I hope you like where it goes.  
> In case you're wondering about my rate of posting, it looks like I'm managing a chapter every other day. So it's safe to say there'll be a chapter every other day at the very least, unless I have something going on in my life. So there you go!  
> Again, thank you so much for such heartfelt comments. I'm already getting emotional just thinking about how sweet you guys are. I LOVE YOU ALL


	8. Chapter 8

“I have to go.”

It’s a sentence that holds a lot more weight than it was meant to, and perhaps Rey knew that when she said it. There might have been a small, devious part of her that wanted Hux to think the worst for just one second, because the truth was so much less troublesome than that. What she couldn’t have expected was the look of abject terror that flickered in his eyes, as his hand tightened on the control panel against his desk. She felt guilty immediately - and then surged with confusion over why she needed to feel guilty for deceiving a man like Hux at all.

“Not off planet.” She relented almost instantly, unable to bear the look in his eyes for more than a brief second. “I need to be outside. I’ve been trapped in this facility for too long and it’s driving me mad. I know it’s cold out there, but I can manage. It’s important.”

She’s so unused to asking permission to go anywhere. This isn’t her life. It’s someone else’s.

“You’ll freeze.” He reminded her, eyeing her worn scavenger robes with dismay. He’d offered several standard outfits for her wardrobe while she remained on the facility, but the idea of wearing First Order clothing had always turned her stomach. Now, she didn’t care what she had to wear - she just needed to feel a real sun beating down on her, and fresh air filling her lungs. 

“Not with a proper coat and warm clothing.” It was her way of accepting a long refused offer, and she could tell that was enough to convince him. He sat back for a moment, giving her a look of long consideration, before he nodded sharply in agreement. “Quartermaster is on the second level. I’ll send them an order now, but they’ll have to make some adjustments while you’re there.”

She wondered if he thought she was going to try and run without Finn. He hadn’t hesitated for an instant, which led her to believe he knew better.

He already knew her too well, and she knew next to nothing about him at all.

“Thank you, General.” She told him, leaving almost immediately. She shouldn’t have come at all, but she’d reached her limit, and he _had_ told her to come for emergencies.

By the time the walls felt like they were closing in, she was ready to consider it an emergency.

She’d never owned bulky clothing before, so when the clothes were fitted she tried not to laugh at the sight of herself all bundled up in layers. The jumpsuit and fatigues themselves were standard issue, but there was a second set of pants, and a coat so big and fluffy she could hardly move her arms in it. It felt like a snug home inside of the clothing, which suited her just fine. But even with all the layers, she knew she would still feel the sting of biting cold.

She was fitted with a black cloth mask over her face for protection, and almost immediately tore it off. 

Hux was waiting for her at the exit, his own coat forming hard lines over his shoulders to chase away the cold that leaked through the doorway. For a moment she worried that he was going to try and come with her, but his coat alone wouldn’t have been enough to keep him warm. He pulled off his gloves one by one with his teeth when she stopped in front of him, and folded them neatly in his pocket before reaching up to pull her hood over her head.

“You look utterly ridiculous.” He informed her, sounding chipper about it as if it wasn’t an insult. “I hope this is worth it.”

She could already see the sun streaming through the glass doors of the facility, and couldn’t bear to look away from it even as he zipped her coat up higher. “It’s worth it.” She promised him, barely able to contain her relief. When his hands fell away from her coat, she turned back to meet his gaze, and smiled.

A few seconds passed, and that smile faded as she felt a tension in his gaze. _Was_ he worried that she was going to run away? No, she was sure it was something more.

“Keep to the north.” He clipped out, in a voice that was unnecessarily devoid of emotion. “Follow the mountain range, it will give you an easy landmark to follow when you decide to return. Sunset is at 7, so I would suggest you give yourself ample time for the return trip in order to get here before then. No amount of clothing will save you from frostbite if you’re out there at night.”

She nodded, blaming her sudden breathlessness on the added weight of all her clothing.

He pressed a small device into her gloved hand. “A com link. In case you get lost.”

Despite being barely visible under the high collar and scarf, her expression pinched in a mixture of amusement and arrogance. “I won’t get lost.”

He did not look interested in fighting her on that.

“Your meeting is today, isn’t it?” She’d been so excited about it at first, but time had given her a chance to put some disturbing pieces together. They’d both spent so much time convincing her of how dangerous Snoke was - and though she was sure they’d both met with him before, there was something decisively _off_ about the tension over this meeting. She felt the worry second hand, and that anxiety now crept into her voice. 

His eyes narrowed carefully after the question was asked, and he took his time in responding. “Right after this, in fact. I’ll have some variant of news to offer you by the end of the day. Something to look forward to.”

Nothing about the way he spoke lent towards any sort of concern. If he had the confidence to speak so casually about it, she would let it infuse her with ease. She took her time convincing herself of this.

“Thank you, General.” She cut through the thickness of the moment with her gratitude, and turned to walk out of the facility. No one stopped her as she walked out into the frigid cold. The General remained exactly where he’d stood, tall and rigid and unmoving. She knew; she’d checked. Twice.

The brittle air already felt healthier in her lungs as soon as she was outside, no matter how it chilled her. The wind blew harsh and unrelenting, but she still tilted her face to the sun and let the warmth of it reach her skin, bearing down bright enough to burn spots into her vision. She closed her eyes and stopped, just to enjoy it all for a moment.

She’d missed the sun more than anything.

Without supplies, she knew her trip was meant to be short. At least she had her tool belt, hanging low against her hips. In it, there was a canteen of water wedged between all of her scavenging equipment. She wasn’t planning on finding any hauls today, but her belt brought a sense of comfort to her; a familiarity in a new world. She went nowhere without it.

The ground was bleached white, and she dropped to one knee to rub her gloved fingers against it. Even with a clear sky and no sign of precipitation, the ground was covered in a thin coating of ice. Every step could prove dangerous; she had to tread carefully. That would limit the distance she’d manage to travel by half, at least.

“All right,” She whispered, acquiescing to the limits. “A short trip. That’s all.”

She would make the best of it.

The mountains Hux suggested she keep to were up ahead, and she trudged forward with renewed energy, wrapping the scarf around the lower portion of her face. After an hour of steady, careful walking, she reached the first valley, and the wind tunnel in it almost blew her off of her feet. She decided that climbing up the mountain was a better use of her time than trying to fight that massive blast of wind, and with only a few stumbles she’d managed to get up a decent height. There was an alcove there, just deep enough to protect her from the unrelenting wind, and she rolled into it easily.

It was warmer, there. The sun still burned in the right direction to hit her, but she was fully protected from the wind. She sat up and stretched her back out, before pulling the scarf off of her face. From where she sat, she could see the entire medical facility stretched out in the distance. The building was in a U shape, but she knew the levels below the surface covered more ground than that. She tried to pick out the tiny bright flicker of Finn’s room, but it was impossible to tell one room from another at this distance. She just chose one, and believed.

Her eyes unfocused, and she realized she was swaying right before she keeled over. How many days had it been now since she’d felt safe enough to sleep? She couldn’t tell anymore; the days were merging together, and this was the first time she’d seen sunlight since they’d come to the facility. The feel of it warming her skin, coupled with the familiar solitude of a vast wasteland, was dragging her down into an exhaustion she’d been fighting off for days.

She fought the urge, well aware that falling asleep outside would mean never waking up again.

A rustle behind her startled her enough to twist around, but all she saw was the tail end of a creature too small to be dangerous. It had been chewing on something deeper in the alcove, but it scurried far down the mountain until she couldn’t see it anymore. So she turned to see what it was eating, and found the half-eaten remnants of a hardy little sprout, pushing it’s way through jagged rock. She bent in to get a closer look at it’s roots, which were buried so deep in the rock’s crevice that she couldn’t actually see how far they went. It’s blue and green stems were poised in position to reach up desperately for the sunlight that she was blocking, and she rolled to the side as if she was offending it by getting in it’s way. 

It was so small, so easily broken, and half of it was now chewed away. Still it would grow for as long as it could, and when something else came to finish eating what was there, it was probably deep enough to start growing all over again regardless. It would endure, just as it had already endured, for as long as the planet could sustain it.

She reached out, her gloved fingers tempted to touch the leaves, but her hand pulled away before ever making contact. It was better left alone, to safely grow in this one tiny nook of sunlight and warmth.

She suddenly missed Jakku, and the thought of it made her bark out into the cold air with laughter. How could she possibly miss the solitude, the heat, the starvation, and the abandonment she dealt with on a daily basis? What was there on Jakku that she could possibly have longed for, now?

Hope, a voice whispered into her mind. Blind, naive hope. 

She missed hoping for something better. She missed the days when her biggest problems were whether she was going to be able to eat that day or not. But a war loomed like a heavy curtain in front of her, and there was no turning back now that she knew about it. She felt the dead weight she’d left in the medical facility return to her, and it sagged her shoulders until she wanted to give in to exhaustion. She laid down, curled up beside the tiny, scraggly plant, and rested her face on the backs of her hands.

“You’re not going to give up, are you.” She whispered, her breath forcing the leaves to shudder and wave. “Even though you don’t know any better.”

But she knew, as soon as she’d said it, that knowing what horrors lay before her did not change the fierce burn of hope that still blazed inside of her. She couldn’t give up hope that there was an answer for peace, even when she couldn’t see it yet. That was why she was here, wasn’t it? Because it was here, and not on Jakku, and not in the Resistance, that she would truly, efficiently, be able to _know better._

She spent the better part of a half hour watching the plant sway with her breathing, and listening to the wind howl persistently just outside the alcove’s lip. She would have to face that wind, to find her way back. She couldn’t stay hidden in the alcove forever.

Eventually, she climbed out of the warm nook she’d found, blinked eyes that were barely managing to stay open, and then stepped and slid carefully down the mountain with the many layers of clothing providing her the protection to do so. When she landed with a thump at the bottom of the mountain, she saw a small creature curled inward, it’s body clutched and frozen in death. She recognized the tail - it was the creature who’d run from the alcove after eating half of the plant.

So it was poison, then. Rey looked back up at the alcove above her, unable to see the plant but trying to remember exactly what it’s leaves looked like. She was suddenly very glad she didn’t touch it, but she understood now how it had survived this long.

And how it would continue to survive, for a very, very long time.

She reached out and placed a few rocks over the deceased creature gently, in the hopes nothing bigger would try to come and eat it’s poisoned flesh. It looked like a tiny memorial grave. With a crooked smile, she bowed her head and clasped her hands together respectfully, then turned to head back to the medical facility.

She’d barely made it to the doorway before she was already peeling her extra layers off, gathering them up in her arms until she found the nearest recognizable room to enter. The rehabilitation gym was close by, and she slipped into the empty area in order to set the clothing down and finish undressing.

She was finally wearing nothing but the black jumpsuit they’d fitted her with first, and she laid back on the weight bench to let out a long, exasperated sigh.

It was a mistake.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she imagined the plant, fluttering dangerously in the wind as the sun set and left it in complete darkness. She wondered if it’s leaves would curl up and shrink away until the next day, or if it simply held it’s ground, strong and bitter and stubborn.

She would have liked to sleep in the alcove and watch for the change, if it didn’t mean freezing to death.

But it was on that bench, as she thought of curling up beside a poisonous plant and waiting to see if it shrunk without sunlight, that she had accidentally let herself fall asleep in the middle of the rehabilitation gym. Three days had been just too long without sleep, and her tiny jaunt of freedom and solitude had infused her with just enough peace to let her fall.

Her cold weather gear slid out of her hands, and her head lolled back until it rested against the cushion of the bench. She was out before she could even register that she was falling asleep at all.

* * *

The better part of the morning had been spent waiting on adjustments. He’d knocked the arm out of alignment on a particularly rough punch, and all Kylo Ren heard for the rest of the morning was the clucking of disappointing droids and their arrogant ‘I told you so’s. If he wasn’t so pre-occupied, he might have lashed out at them. When they were done adjusting his arm, not a single one had been crushed - but he hadn’t listened to a word they’d said.

Hux was leaving. He could feel the anxiety welling up from the departing figure, and something else he couldn’t quite understand. Something thrilling. Excitement? Hux was a foolish man, Ren thought bitterly, to be excited to meet with the Supreme Leader. He was too sure of himself, and too confident in his abilities. Ren could almost guess at how Hux thought he could twist his pretty words around the Supreme Leader’s mind and leave him thinking that taking Rey on as a consultant to the Resistance had been his idea all along.

Manipulative to a fault, but not nearly so much as Snoke was. Hux was out of his league, and he knew the pit of anxiety in his stomach was his own, and not Hux’s.

The idiot had better not get himself killed. 

Hours later, he sought to use that anxiety in training, even though barely moving off his cot had droids screaming at him in dissent. He’d been patient, but there was a limit to that patience, and their wild screeches tested that limit to it’s end. He barely waved a hand, sending them all stumbling back off of their wheels and crashing against one another to the floor. He broke none of them, but his display was still effective enough to shut them up.

The black knit tank he’d been left to wear until the shoulder healed was being pulled over his head by the time he walked in to the rehabilitation gym. It slid over his head, giving him his sight back, and she was the first thing his eyes laid upon. Her arms were hanging awkwardly off of the bench, her head was twisted in a position that would surely leave her with neck pain, and a pile of clothing was strewn beside her on the ground. He stared, frozen and hesitant, for several long moments.

The first thing he thought to do was call Hux to deal with her - a plan that was just as quickly dashed as it was conceived, when he remembered where Hux was. 

The second thing that came to mind was to call one of the petty officers to carry her back to her room - and that idea was flammable, burning away almost immediately after considering it. He was not going to call a stranger to touch her, to carry her, to put her in her room.

A third came - he could leave her there, but she would be rudely awoken the moment he started training. And he wasn’t giving up on his plans just because she’d decided this was a good spot to take a nap.

His wide shoulders slumped in resignation. 

He left all of her clothing on the ground, as if that brusque gesture could sharpen the edges of his actions. His legs bent, and he crouched beside her, slipping his arms under her upper body and her knees. When he lifted her, he immediately recalled what it felt like to carry her in exactly the same way, when he’d taken her to his ship. She weighed next to nothing, always deceiving him with the image of frailty. But this time, he knew better. The girl in his arms was anything but fragile.

His arm ached as a reminder, as if he didn’t see the reflection of her strength etched across his face every day already.

He opened the door with his foot, and carried her gently through the hallways and up the stairs to her bedroom. Opening that door would prove a little more difficult, so of course he cheated. The private lock clicked to unlock from the inside, and the door swiveled open to give him access to it. He stepped into the dark room, and swiveled to face her bed.

Laying her on it should have woken her, but when her body rested back on the cushions and sinking softness, her expression never changed. He was on one knee in front of her, even as he pulled his arms away and let her body settle into the mattress. She didn’t shift, or even make a sound, other than the long inhales of her deep breathing. She was fast asleep, submerged so heavily that he could tell she wasn’t even dreaming.

How long had she been denying herself this?

He pushed himself up to his feet, and pulled the covers out from underneath her. Even this less than gentle action wasn’t enough to stir her. Once he placed the covers over her body, he reached out and pressed two fingers against her neck, while simultaneously reaching out with the Force to check for illness. There was always the chance she’d been drugged.

When he was sure it was just exhaustion keeping her this deep, he withdrew and pulled his hands away from her neck. His fingers travelled unnecessarily up the line of her jaw, escaping the touch of her only at the top of her chin.

Her skin was as hot as the desert she’d come from, and his palm lifted to press against her forehead. Although he might have suspected she had a fever, he realized a little too late that it wasn’t her that was running a high temperature.

His skin was just cold, colder than it should have been. He pulled away from her as if scalded, and rubbed the skin of his hand with the fingers of the mechanical one.

That was more than enough touching for one day.

He heard the quiet clearing of a throat behind him, at Rey’s doorway, and realized he hadn’t noticed anyone coming. Preoccupation was threatening, even if the sudden chill of the presence behind him was entirely familiar, and welcome.

Ren breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“I see you’re not dead.” He whispered, still facing Rey even as his head turned to speak over his shoulder.

“Is that concern I hear?” Hux whispered back, leaning one shoulder on the doorway smugly. His arms were folded in front of him, and when Ren finally turned to face him he would see all the little imperfections that stood out to a man who paid attention. Hux’s hair was disheveled, his shirt collar was unbuttoned, and his coat was gone. He looked positively primeval in comparison to the way the man normally kept himself together.

“You look like shit.” Ren informed him, stalking towards the door and pushing him out of it. They stood just outside of Rey’s doorway, their voices hushed to keep from waking her - though Ren knew they could be screaming at the top of their lungs at this point, and she wouldn’t have batted an eye.

“That _is_ concern.” Hux confirmed, a vested interest threading in the pitch of his voice. Taunting Ren felt almost necessary, at this point. Perhaps he was using it as a stress reliever. “How _very_ kind. But I’m just fine, really.”

“How did it go?” Despite how much it sounded like Hux needed to keep their conversation light for his own sanity, Ren had no patience for it. A very short sigh left the General’s lips, and he turned instead to look inside of the room, resting his gaze sharply on Rey as she slept in her bed. That was in part why Ren felt so impatient to speak of the meeting - because Hux had caught him putting Rey to bed, and the last thing he wanted were questions about why.

But Hux was asking no questions. Eventually, as the silence stretched, Ren’s eyes followed his gaze and dropped to rest on Rey, as well.

He could feel tumults of confusion, and he knew only half of them were his own.

“She is special.” Hux finally murmured, almost too quietly. “Strange, isn’t it?”

Memories of the way she’d forced herself back into his mind bubbled to the surface, and when Ren responded, it was with a dangerous roughness to his voice. “Yes.”

“Is that why you took her?” Hux sounded so innocently curious, that Ren did not think twice before responding. The answer was automatic, just as it had been when Snoke probed his mind for it. “No. She had the map. It made sense.”

When Hux finally turned to raise an eyebrow at the man, there was an expression so knowing, so damn _clever_ , that Ren knew Hux didn’t need the Force to read a person’s mind. He watched Hux unravel every secret inside of him with just a look, and felt painfully exposed.

“Is that right.” The General breathed out, through lips that hardly moved. Ren’s eyes fell to them for one second too many. The bastard was too good at this. Too good at everything.

Ren hated him.

“Come.” Hux broke the spell he’d cast himself, straightening up in a way that brought him close enough to startle Ren into taking a step back. “Let’s discuss the meeting somewhere where we don’t have to whisper.”

He put his hand on Ren’s shoulder to move him out of the way of the door, and Ren snapped his arm away at the touch. If Hux noticed, he made no mention of it. He just leaned in, and closed Rey’s bedroom door, chancing one final glance at the sleeping woman that elicited a small, guarded smile from him, before leaving her in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is my sugar cookie and I love her. This chapter was probably the most important one to me personally because Rey is my favorite character in Star Wars, and I strive to do her justice, even though I stumble and fail sometimes. I loooove her. (And so will these two assholes.)
> 
> To everyone who comments and reads, I love you guys so much, I really hope will continue to enjoy it the way I enjoy all of your amazing writings.
> 
> Also, you should all go read the best Reylux fanfic, Codega, if you haven't already (which you probably have because it's a famous beast of a thing)  
> If not go now: [Codega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5826934/chapters/13428799) by Juulna!!
> 
> Me and Juuls are having a fight over which one of us can make the other one happy cry more. SHE'S WINNING.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Minor death, blood, violence.

“General. You seem.. disappointed.”

It was the first time General Hux had ever seen the Supreme Leader in person, and even though he was at least a foot or two taller than Hux himself, the General could see why he’d kept to holograms. Snoke cut an imposing figure of dread in billowing black robes that hid his gaunt form, and he moved with a glide instead of a natural step. Despite all of this, the Supreme Leader was not nearly as intimidating as the holographic goliath he used when he spoke to his men on the Finalizer and on Starkiller. Other than size, there was nothing explicitly different about the way he looked in real life versus the way he’d previously presented himself - and yet, there was something to be said about finding an entire army under the command of a withered, decaying old man. There was mortality in the detailed sight of his skin, wrinkled and stretched thin. Hux had never considered simply shooting the Supreme Leader in the head and ending his reign until today - but he still suspected it wouldn’t be that easy, even if it did flicker across his mind in a passing thought.

By the sound of Snoke’s deep, throaty chuckle, Hux knew he was right to suspect as much.

“Not at all, Supreme Leader. This is simply our first time meeting face to face. It will take some time to adjust.”

“You needn’t bother.” Snoke’s voice had a gravelly tone to it, as though his throat was disintegrating at the same level as the side of his face, and each word was a rasp of sandpaper against flesh. “This will be the only time.”

Hux’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, pushing down the sudden urge to run. He felt particularly disinclined to die here, especially when he hadn’t even had a chance to speak his mind yet.

“You have been wondering why I haven’t contacted you directly since our arrival.” Snoke accused, with a haughty and uninterested tone. 

There was no point in denying what Snoke had already gleaned from his mind. “It had crossed my mind, yes. But I trust in your wisdom. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Come.” Snoke beckoned, turning to glide down the long, seemingly endless hallway. “Walk with me. Your mind is heavy and it’s time you relieved it.”

Hux took the offer immediately, falling into step beside Snoke. His steps were never quite long enough, and he kept them quick in order to keep himself at the Supreme Leader’s side. The need to step lively made him feel childish, like a small boy attempting to keep up with his father. Snoke was no father figure to him, but he knew the effect was intentional.

“Surprisingly, I do have much I wish to discuss with you. However, I would feel remiss if I did not ask you - is there a new strategy moving forward, now that we know the location of the Resistance base?”

“Now that Starkiller has been destroyed, you mean.”

Snoke sliced through Hux’s first attempt at shedding a positive light on the situation, leaving him exposed with his greatest failure at the forefront of the conversation.

“Yes. Of course. The destruction of Starkiller was unfortunate; I take full responsibility for it’s failure to survive such a paltry show of force.”

“Of course.” Snoke continued to look merely amused, but waved his hand idly as if to grant Hux leave to continue speaking. He wasn’t here to focus on the loss of Starkiller, or General Hux’s mistakes. He simply looked like he was benevolently allowing Hux the chance to air his grievances, before sending him away no better than he’d been when he came.

Hux knew the Supreme Leader did not expect much from him. He was glad to prove him wrong.

“The creation of a giant superweapon had its merits, but I believe our chances now lie in the strength of our troops and fleet. With the Republic gone, all that’s left between us and victory is the Resistance. That’s not to say I will be underestimating them again - those days are long behind me.”

“Good, good.” Snoke purred out, clearly pleased to hear the humility in Hux’s voice as he described what he’d learned from his mistakes. “I agree. The Resistance must be wiped out. But I do not agree with the mentality that they are our last enemy. There is much more danger ahead than you imagine, General.”

Snoke was speaking of the rise of the Jedi. Hux took this as the perfect segue to slide his new plan into action. He mustered up a complex, thoughtful expression, as if Snoke’s words had somehow given him a clarity he had not previously possessed.

“Of course you’re right, Supreme Leader. The Jedi would pose a great threat, if they were allowed to rise. A pity, then, that Luke Skywalker could not be found in time. He’s surely with the Resistance now.”

Hux didn’t know that. But simply suggesting it eliminated the need to search Rey’s mind for the map. He continued, his voice lifting with false pride.

“But at least we have the girl. She will never get the chance to become a Jedi.”

Snoke did not pause in his glide, but Hux could tell his interest had suddenly shifted. “And how is our scavenger guest? I presume you have been treating her well?”

“Oh,” Hux breathed out, the pride in his voice no longer as false. “Better than that, my Lord. I have all but convinced her that the First Order would prove a better use of her time than the Resistance. She is all but convinced to stay with us, _willingly._ ”

Now, Snoke stopped. They had come close enough to the end of the hall to see a doorway, but he paid no attention to it - Hux had fully captured his attention, and the feel of those penetrating eyes on him made Hux shift from one foot to another. 

“ _You’ve_ convinced the scavenger to join the First Order?” Snoke hummed out in disbelief.

“Not exactly,” Hux forced a thread of light-hearted amusement into his voice. “I’ve convinced her that both sides of this war have equal rights to be protected. She is still bent on trying to save lives; but that goal can be molded. And I’ve already begun to do so. I’ve given her a lot to think about.”

Here, he knew Snoke would hold back no longer. Hux had prepared for this; he knew exactly what he needed to hide, and what he was prepared to show the creature that dove violently into his mind. 

The intrusion was more painful than any physical injury he’d ever experienced in his life. It took every ounce of his willpower just to keep from screaming, but he refused to give Snoke the pleasure of hearing it.

As Snoke searched, Hux could see exactly what memories the Supreme Leader was carding through, and relished how perfectly his memories were serving him. He’d spoken all the right words to Rey, given her all the right options. He’d played to her needs with the stroke of a master, and now she was considering a life with the First Order. Not as a fighter, or a warrior, but - 

“She will not fight for us until she has embraced the Dark Side.” Snoke warned, pulling out of Hux’s mind with no gentleness at all once he’d taken all he needed. 

Hux was unaware he’d begun breathing hard until he’d been given his mind back, and he tugged at the buttons of his high collar, loosening them in an effort to get his breath back. His hands ran wildly through his hair, scratching at his scalp until he couldn’t feel the residue of Snoke’s psyche within his own, anymore.

“I agree.” Despite how shaken he was, Hux did not miss a beat. “But getting her there may take less time and effort if she has a cause she believes in, to keep her here. With us. With you, Supreme Leader. Ren has already tried brutality in order to convert her. His face is proof enough that this may require someone with a little more subtlety than that.”

“Someone like - you, for example?” Snoke knew exactly where Hux was going with this, but when he spoke, Hux looked at him with surprise. 

“Well, I would unquestionably attempt to lead her in the right direction, if that is your wish, my Lord. Certainly I would enjoy a chance to redeem myself for the past.”

Hux could practically hear that last nail being hammered into the coffin, as he humiliated himself in front of Snoke just to prove he had no ulterior motives. It worked; the withered creature looked charmed, which was a disturbing expression to witness on that face.

“Clever boy.” Snoke chuckled out, turning to finish walking towards the door. “But I think you _will_ prove useful, after all. I confess myself surprised at this, General.”

He opened the door, and his hand lifted - there were five Stormtroopers, all standing there like a firing squad. He stopped them from what looked like their next move, which was to gun down the General the moment he walked through that door.

He’d only been brought here to be killed by his own men. Snoke had judged him, and found him useless for anything more than just to make a point, and to remind the Stormtroopers who was actually in charge. In the span of their conversation, General Hux had changed that decision.

He felt sick to his stomach.

“The girl is to remain here on this planet until Kylo Ren’s training is complete.” Suddenly, Snoke’s voice sharpened, businesslike and dangerous. “Then, you will take her to the Finalizer, and prove to me that you can manage her. I warn you, General. She has already cut down my apprentice. I sense that she would not hesitate to cut you down, as well.”

For once, Hux agreed with the Supreme Leader. Wholly, and unconditionally.

“Yes, my Lord.” He agreed, nodding sharply. “May I ask a request, if it does not trouble you?”

Snoke looked as though he’d thought the conversation was over, but there was no button to shut off the hologram, and he was still walking through the door to his throne room. So he turned, touched his fingers to one another, and then crooked them thoughtfully to await Hux’s appeal.

“The deserter. FN-2187. He still lives, and I’ve received no order to terminate his life yet, so I had hoped you might allow me to use him.”

“ _Use_ him?”

Hux smiled - it was a tight, tiny thing. “The scavenger is quite taken with him. She has all but promised me her allegiance if I manage to send him back to the Resistance unharmed. I’d rather see him hang, myself - but this could be exactly the kind of turn needed to bring her fully to our side. I seek your guidance on the matter, Supreme Leader.”

Handing the reins back to Snoke left the power completely in the Supreme Leader’s hands - exactly where Hux knew he wanted it.

“The life of the traitor does not concern me. I leave that in your care, General. If your choice returns to haunt us, however, I must confess that this will be the last time I put my faith in you.”

Hux thought it was a miracle that he’d even been given this second chance, considering what he was walking into. Snoke had already returned to his throne, but the General stood where he’d entered, refusing to look at the five Stormtroopers standing beside him, shifting uncomfortably. But he wondered about them, nonetheless.

“Ah, but General.” Snoke breathed out, his voice suddenly slick with false compassion. “You have a very serious problem. The girl and the Resistance are not exactly the only things you should be worried about.”

“My lord?”

Snoke’s eyes turned to the Stormtroopers, and for a few moments he simply stared at the group. His expression was filled with curiosity, and Hux couldn’t help but follow his gaze. He finally spared a glance at the men as well, wondering what they had to do with anything.

“You were summoned today to die. You have suspected this already.” Snoke did not bother to hide his intentions; it was obvious. “But as luck would have it, you have adhered yourself to a powerful Force sensitive. She trusts you. I can feel it. More importantly, she does _not_ trust my apprentice - and you, General, have the power to change that. You will _need_ to change that. She must learn how to use her powers properly.”

He felt his stomach twisting with apprehension. Snoke wanted to use him as a buffer to bring Rey closer to Kylo Ren. He suspected that once this duty was performed, he would be back in front of the firing squad again.

“But.” Snoke continued, the airy nature of his conversational tone disappearing as he leaned forward. “These men in front of you, they should be your highest priority. You see, I did not compel them to come here. You must know that I did not _need_ them to kill you, General.” Snoke let out a long, breathy chuckle at the thought, before continuing. “They requested this of me. Out of revenge.”

The world felt like it was falling away, leaving Hux floating with nowhere solid left to stand on. He turned fully to look at each Stormtrooper, clad in full armor; each a perfect copy, despite the fact that he knew better. He knew there were faces underneath each of those helmets - faces that he now imagined to be twisted in hate, and pain. These had been his men - every single one. And they’d turned on him, putting their lives in danger by informing Snoke that they wanted to kill General Hux themselves. As if they all knew, without question, that his failure with Starkiller would mean his death.

It wasn’t such a far fetched conclusion to come up with, considering the Supreme Leader’s history with failures.

“These men had families, General. Brothers. Sisters. Wives. Husbands. Children. And they trusted us with them. They trusted that the Starkiller base was untouchable, because _you_ told them so. Daily, in fact.”

Snoke’s voice tried to maintain a semblance of respect. Hux heard the very gentle thread of amusement leaking out with every word, though he knew he was never meant to hear it. The men who’d trusted Snoke so readily certainly showed no signs of hearing it. They were sure the Supreme Leader now had their best interests at heart.

“Their families are dead, and it seems they are reluctant to blame the Resistance, when it was you who’d convinced them this tragedy could never happen. And they’re not alone. So you see, you have a much greater problem than you might have suspected. I would suggest, for your sake, that you place all of your efforts on rectifying this behavior.”

There, in one final sentence, Snoke exposed himself. General Hux could see one of the Stormtroopers helmets shake as he turned his head up to the Supreme Leader, and he imagined the look of shock on the man’s face. It did not surprise Hux to find the Stormtroopers so pliable, and easily manipulated. They’d been bred and trained to be that way. They were supposed to be perfect.

He was looking at living proof that the Stormtrooper program needed a delicate, but demanding overhaul. Supreme Leader Snoke was right - he wasn’t going to have a lot of time to deal with the girl, and her indoctrination.

She needed Ren. _He_ needed Ren.

His muscles tightened with dismay at the very thought.

“Your advice is graciously appreciated, Supreme Leader.” Hux breathed out, surprisingly honest with his words. “I will no doubt devote myself to this very serious issue.” 

“And how will you fare, I wonder?” Snoke mused, leaning back on his chair as the conversation dwindled and disinterested him. “Will the soldiers of the First Order return to your command before an assassination attempt is made? Or has the legacy of Commandant Brendol Hux finally ended with the failures of his son?”

That was a very, very low blow. Hux was surprised Snoke felt the need to go that far, but he offered the exact response the creature must have wanted; his body stiffened, his brow furrowed, and he felt the first stirrings of shame clench at his heart.

“I will not fail again, Supreme Leader.” The words were growled out through clenched teeth, and forced determination. “The Stormtrooper program will be reclaimed.”

“Good.” Snoke hummed out thoughtfully. He waved long fingers at the men in front of Hux, and spoke his next command with the air of disinterest. “Start with these five. Order them to kill one another.”

Hux turned his eyes to the Supreme Leader, his expression flat and unflinching. The men he turned away from all took a step back. “I believe we’ve already established that these men-”

 _“GENERAL.”_ Snoke roared out, a flare of black engulfing him as he suddenly rose to his feet. When he moved, Hux finally felt the overwhelming power that the man possessed inside of that withered body come to life. He was gliding smoothly, nearly floating at the man, and Hux felt rooted to the spot, unable to move despite the urge to run. He’d never before feared so deeply for his own safety as he did when the specter loomed to stand beside him, glaring down at the man with a cloudy, lifeless gaze. 

“ _You_ would do _well_ not to argue with my _orders_ , from now on.” The Supreme Leader bore down on him, forcing Hux to lean his head back in a vain attempt to pull away.

“Yes. Of course.” Hux could barely breathe, let alone speak. When he turned back to the Stormtroopers, he delivered the order with absolutely no faith that they would comply. That was the problem, after all.

“Men. Prepare to fire and kill the man on your left. Now.” He watched, and felt a jolt when he saw the weapons twitch upward, as if every man thought the others were going to listen. When none did, they fell lax once more. That was more than Hux had expected, considering how angry the men were at him. He was, perhaps, a little proud.

For one moment.

Snoke turned his imposing form towards the Stormtroopers, and each one straightened their back out like puppets, moving in tandem. He breathed out the words with such grace, that Hux almost felt tempted to pull out his own weapon in response.

“Kill one another.”

There was no hesitation. No fear, no twitch, no willful response. The blasters lifted, and each man fired on his brother. The screams startled Hux into shuddering, but he knew better than to look away. The sound of armor clanking against one another filled the echoes of the room as the men crumpled into a pile, bleeding their lives away on top of one another.

“You are my finest General.” Snoke whispered in the silence that followed. “And your methods have proven effective on the men you command. But this lesson is an important one, which I fear I have not impressed upon you enough. A thousand men at your disposal - a million - a billion - none of them will matter, General. _If the Jedi rise._ ”

The point was - perhaps a little over-dramatically - made.

“You will use your influence to adhere the girl to Kylo Ren.” Snoke commanded, turning dark eyes down to the man. “And then you will focus on where you are truly needed.”

It was a slap in the face, to be reminded that no amount of achievements in battle could elevate General Hux to the level of any Force sensitive. He received Snoke’s message, loud and clear.

And he’d never wanted to kill the man more in his life than he did in that one trying moment.

Snoke tore the thought from his mind, and Hux felt a trill of anger at how it made the Supreme Leader smile. It was almost as if Snoke felt like he’d accomplished his goal, simply by forcing General Hux to hate him that much. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Hux hissed out, refusing to hide his animosity if Snoke was simply going to tear it out of him like that anyway. He could feel the smug satisfaction rolling off of Snoke in waves, even as the man backed away and returned to his throne.

“Good.” Snoke sighed out. “I confess I _am_ rather pleased.” Snoke slid backwards into his chair, and settled in comfortably. “This is _not_ the direction I thought your visit would go. It’s much better. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Was he truly asking if Hux agreed that living was better than dying? Snoke was just toying with him, now. He found it childish. 

“Immensely.” Hux responded sharply, impatient to leave before the blood of the Stormtroopers reached the soles of his shoes. Snoke sensed his impatience, and waved a hand in dismissal. It was enough to send Hux twisting around on his heel, exiting the room and clacking his heels noisily down the temple’s hallway to return to his speeder.

It was only during this long, anxious walk that Hux began to realize the scope to which his planned ‘dismissal’ had begun to imply. The Supreme Leader had never once before reached out to any of the Stormtrooper Corp., nor were they ever allowed in his presence. And yet there they were, five of them, given the privilege of killing off the General for the petty excuse of revenge. Snoke had been making an example out of them, to send back into the Corp. There was a new, subtle game being played - an attempt to rally the army itself to the cause of the Supreme Leader alone, instead of his underlings.

No longer was Snoke attempting to use the might of Kylo Ren, or the leadership of General Hux, to lead his army for him. He’d planned to dip his hands in personally, for the first time Hux could recall since Kylo Ren’s indoctrination. 

Hux left the temple with a sense of dread that extended far behind his own life, or that of the girl’s. The implications involved in Snoke’s decisions were too heavy to comprehend alone.

He’d been right, before. He needed Ren. And entertaining the thought held a little less nausea, the second time around.

* * *

It had been a long winded speech, but when he was finally done, Hux felt relieved to be able to speak of what had happened. Normally it always felt so important to keep others shut out, and keep every nuance a secret. He’d come to the very strange conclusion that the world had just gotten a lot smaller, and more dangerous for him. Bringing Kylo Ren into what amounted to a very tight knit circle of trust was a remarkably necessary idea.

The man he’d been a month ago would be revolted by who he’d suddenly been forced to become.

“I should have warned you.” Ren murmured, after enough time in silence to let it all sink in. “I suspected. I wasn’t sure, but - shutting you out like that for so long. I should have known he was going to kill you.”

“Yes, you’re right. This is really all _your_ fault.” Hux’s sarcasm was as biting as ever. He had a small glass in his hand, with some cheap imitation of what real alcohol should have been - the medical facility did not service to his particular tastes, but after a day like the one he’d just had, he thought anything would do. After a sip of it, he’d changed his mind. Now, he was just swirling the drink thoughtfully, and trying not to snap.

“There wasn’t anything you could do. Knowing beforehand does not change the outcome. So.” 

He stared unhappily into the glass, and wondered for the umpteenth time where his cigarettes had gone.

“If Rey chooses to leave, he’ll kill you. He’ll kill her, too.” There was a low, careful warning in Ren’s voice. Hux knew that whatever strange desire Ren harbored to keep the two of them alive wouldn’t be enough to save them. The General had a very small window of opportunity that only he could access.

“I am aware.” He let out in a tired breath. “But to tell her that would be tantamount to removing her free will. Nothing will stop her from leaving, then. You know that.”

The silence that fell over them both weighed their shoulders down heavily. Hux finally took another swig of the foul drink in his hand, and twisted his face up with disgust. He slammed the glass down on the table, and stood up to leave.

“I suppose one good thing will come of it, if it all fails. You won’t have me getting in your way anymore. You’ll have that to look forward to, one day.”

He tried to move, but his wrist was clamped down by rough, forceful fingers. He swiveled to stare down at the hand on him, his eyes narrowing in anger. What was the man playing at?

“You aren’t in my way, General.” Kylo grumbled, keeping his eyes firmly stationed on the table in front of him. “Not anymore.”

Despite how hard Ren was holding him, Hux felt determined to pull his hand out from beneath those demanding fingertips. He used his other hand to tug at them, until his wrist slid free and he stepped far enough away to keep himself at arm’s length this time. With a flustered brush of his fingers through his own ruffled hair, he straightened himself up and tried to play as though the words - the touch - the very effort Ren was exerting - did not affect him the way it clearly did.

“Pity.” He shuddered out. “I suppose I’ll have to try harder then.”

Ren slid out of the chair, in a move so smooth and dark it felt vaguely reminiscent of Snoke’s imposition. The comparison made Hux’s blood run cold.

A box was pulled out from beneath Ren’s robes, and thrown at Hux. He lifted his hands to catch it, but he was flustered enough to stumble a few times before the box finally fell safely in his hands. It was a pack of cigarettes - _his_ cigarettes, or at least his preferred brand. His mouth fell open, and he turned to watch Ren leave.

“You dropped those in my room.” Ren muttered over his shoulder, by way of explanation, and farewell. He was gone before the General could even thank him - or point out that the box was new, unopened and still wrapped in plastic. He hadn’t dropped them at all; Ren must have ordered them from the quartermaster himself.

Hux tore through the wrapping with one hand, and the last of the dread Snoke had instilled in him began to fade away as he tilted his head out of the doorway, and watched the brooding man in black stomp his way down the hall. He was thankful for the solitude. Ren was not permitted to see the satisfied smile lifting the corners of General Hux’s lips as he whispered out, far too fondly.

“You absolute bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most unsatisfying thing to write but IT HAD TO BE DONE. Fucking plot. Who asked for plot. I didn't. *Grumbles as she drifts off into space*
> 
> ON A LIGHTER NOTE. Something amazing happened to me today. For the very first time in my life, someone drew fanart of something I'd written. There are no words to describe what a feeling it was to see that, so I will just share this precious gem with you and try not to start capslocking with joy all over again.
> 
> [Kylo carries Rey to bed](https://40.media.tumblr.com/59c1ec3f99661b0aff1518da0744b98d/tumblr_o584iv8rCX1v5kwyoo1_1280.jpg) by [Persimonne](https://persimonne.tumblr.com/)
> 
> So there we go. I have been blessed. I'm still very emotional about it. ;;
> 
> Speaking of blessed, I still can't believe you guys are sticking around and commenting and just being generally so supportive, I feel really, really lucky to have nestled into this little corner of fandom and don't plan on leaving anytime soon. Thank you for all your wonderful comments and for reading and for WRITING TOO!! BECAUSE OH MY GOD I READ SO MUCH GOOD FIC TODAY! NEVER STOP YOU GUYS NEVER STOP!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~one day I'll get to write some smut you piece of shit cockblocking snoke son of a-~~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating changed to explicit for obvious reasons. (Don't get too excited.)  
> (Well you can get a little excited.)

At first, the cigarettes were enough.

Hux lit one before he’d even arrived at his private quarters, but he refused to take that first long drag until he was safely behind a locked door. He brought the cigarette to his lips and the shuddering sound of his inhale was obscene in its desperation. Then he pulled it away and his lips closed as the burn of smoke circulated through his lungs. The warm relief made him slam his back against his locked door, and close his eyes.

It had been too long. Too long, and he’d needed it so much. The smoke was released through his nostrils in a long, satisfying exhale, turning him limp with relaxation.

He slid down the door frame, sat with his knees bent and his elbows resting on them, and just smoked until his brain felt addled with the intoxication of nicotine.

And for a very long time, it was enough.

But the tension rolled back into his shoulders, and his hands began to shake even as he brought the cigarette to his lips. He couldn’t deny the absolute mess he was currently drowning in. His near miss with death, his new orders, and the disloyal estrangement of his own men; an entire army of men who’d followed him willingly until his best laid plans destroyed their faith in him.

If Snoke didn’t kill him, a rebellion surely would.

The conditioning programs would have to be overhauled completely. There was something inherently wrong with them, or perhaps with the whole system in its entirety. He would have to work day and night until he found the proper answer to this problem - and he had to work quickly. 

But the girl required at least some of his attention, too. Ren was already aware of Hux’s need for assistance, but that did not change the man’s trying temper. Rey would never let him near her without at least a little positive reinforcement.

He thought of her sleeping peacefully in her bed, and the look in Ren’s eyes as he watched her. His fingers began to shake the cigarette in his lips, leaving ashes falling on his jacket. He cursed inwardly at the mess, unbuttoning the flap and tearing it off until he was left with the white tank undershirt that he cared a little less for. 

He had too much on his mind, and he could feel the tension in his shoulders, and in his back. He could feel the way his jaw clenched, unable to relax it even when he tried. His legs felt taut and strained. And the pain in his temple, still throbbing from intrusion, was only starting to get worse.

For his own health, both mental and physical, Hux decided he needed a very long, very private bath.

For him, the luxury of a bath was a rare affair. When he did indulge, it was usually because conditions had become incredibly dire - and this day was a perfect example of such an occasion. He was as meticulous in this as he was in all things, always taking the care to do things right. His clothing was removed slowly and with care, each piece folded separately and laid to rest outside of the bathroom door. He left his cigarettes and matches on the sink, turned a dial to adjust the lights inside of the bathroom to half-dim, and sat on the edge of the oval porcelain bath to turn on the water. Once it was near scalding, he pulled the handle to plug the drain, and let the bathtub fill.

He missed his private rooms on Starkiller. He knew it was a selfish thought the moment it bubbled up from his head, but it was true. He would have lit a candle to flicker beside him, just to listen to the tiny crackle of fire in the silence. It would be scented, most likely - he would have chosen peach today. Rose oil would have been added to the bathwater; just enough to let him breathe it in as the water steamed the air.

Instead, he slid into the plain water, and hissed as it burned his skin. At least it was hot enough, infusing his muscles with warmth from the moment he sank down against the hard porcelain and let his body float in the heat.

It wouldn’t be enough, he almost instantly realized. He was a man of method, and as good as the hot bath felt against him, he needed perfection to relax, and this bath wouldn’t be enough to shake the cold dread of what had happened from his bones. 

It was rare that Hux indulged in baths, but still less uncommon was how often he pleasured himself. Task and ambition kept him from taking care of his physical needs, and now that he’d thought of it he was startled to realize just how long it had been since he’d been satisfied. He guessed the better part of five years must have gone by since his last encounter with a partner while on leave, but he couldn’t remember finding an excuse to take himself into his own hands for the last year he’d spent focused on Starkiller’s preparation. A new tension coiled inside of him; and he knew that it was at the forefront of his mind now, only because he’d been thinking about it.

But once it was there, it required his full attention.

He laid his head back on the porcelain, stared up at the tiled ceiling, and let his mind go blank. A man like him did not need to indulge in fantasy to arouse himself. He found enough in the act of giving in to desire, of focusing on the responses of his own body and satisfying them wholly. He let the stillness of the moment creep into him, and just the thought of what he was about to do set his skin aflame with arousal.

In one hand, held carefully outside of the tub, he was still holding his cigarette. He lifted it for one last long drag, before reaching to drop it in the sink nearby. The sound of the tub’s disturbed water was so much louder after he’d gotten used to the silence, and when his long fingers slid in exploratory strokes down the sides of his neck to wander across his chest, he could hear the soft shift of movement as the water still lapped against him. He took his time there, dragging nails softly across the taut skin until he felt thoroughly _touched_.

When his left hand dipped below the waterline, it brushed across the fine line of hair that curled fuzzy under his navel, and it slowed. The movement turned agonizing, each inch carefully taken until his fingers finally swept down his full, heavy erection.

He jerked almost instantly. It _had_ been a long time. He was regretful; because even in this gentlest of moments, he knew he wouldn’t last long.

His fingers wrapped a firm grip around the head of his cock, claiming the hard member in his fist, and he hissed as he waited for that sudden urge to die down. He kept still, refusing himself until he could relax again; and only then did his fist finally, _finally_ began a slow, rhythmic pulse of stroking up and down the length of the cock. His thumb grazed across the slit, before his hold slid down again, and his body bucked instinctively into his fist.

He thought of nothing, as he fucked himself. That was always the point; those few blissful minutes of peace, where there was nothing to occupy his mind but pleasure. His right hand left his chest and slid behind him, arching up to give him the room he needed to slide a wet finger around the tight rim of muscle he found there. It was a difficult stretch, but _oh_ , when he slipped inside and found was he was looking for, pressing one needy finger against his prostate, the world shifted with delight around him and it was all _so_ worth it. 

Water sloshed absurdly as he worked himself over, more concerned with finding his completion than the stillness of the moment. He lurched his hips upward, thrusting erratically into the tight, unforgiving clench of his own fist, until a particularly forceful thrust of his own fingers had him seeing stars behind closed eyelids. He’d managed nothing more than ragged, short gasps of breath until that moment, but now a long groan of pleasure ripped forth from his throat and he moved to clutch himself in both hands. His eyes opened to watch it happen, with a glassy gaze and parted, gasping lips. The water above his throbbing cock turned milky, clouding over as he tugged hard through each thick spurt of come. His orgasm lingered and lasted in abnormally lengthy proportion, and for the third time that day he realized that it really has been _too long_ since he’s taken care of himself.

He would need a shower, after all of that. He knew it from the way the swirls of white drifted lazily across the water that shifted along his stomach, disturbed by the ragged rise and fall of his breath. Definitely a shower, then.

He reached up and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, pulling one out with his teeth and waving his hand in the air to dry his fingers enough to use his matches. Once one was lit, and a cigarette was placed in his mouth, he took a long drag and slid back into the warm water.

Now, the nicotine soothed him. Now, it was enough.

Someone was knocking on the door to his quarters, and he couldn’t help but cough out a single, harsh laugh at the timing of it. He couldn’t guess at who it was, but it didn’t matter. There was no chance he was going to bother-

“General?”

His thoughts stuttered and an audible choke caught in his throat. He was sure the universe was playing games with him, when the only person he would actually respond to was calling out his name, tentative and frightened, at his doorway. He rolled his eyes in disbelief, and rose up from the bathtub.

So much for that shower.

Wrapping a towel around his body, he stormed to the doorway, and stood just in front of it. He wasn’t going to let the girl in while he was undressed, but he was certainly going to address her.

“I’m afraid you’ve caught me at an inopportune moment, Rey.” Hux called out mildly, maintaining the airiness in his voice effortlessly. “Is this something that needs immediate attention, or could I ask that you wait there for a few moments while I finish freshening up?”

There was a long pause outside the door, then a thunk that sounded like it was on the opposite wall, before Rey spoke again - this time farther from the door than she was a moment ago.

“No! Take your time. I’m fine, I’m okay. Nothing immediate. You just, you go finish up. I’ll be here.”

He’d embarrassed her. And was it any wonder? She was showing up in front of his room now, as if they were old friends meeting up for a visit. He knew he’d managed to pacify her, but her ability to attach herself to someone was starting to throw him. He only hoped it would be this easy once she found some kind of positive attribute in Kylo Ren.

If there even was one.

He mildly regretted the cruel, sarcastic thought, and returned to rinse and dry himself quickly.

The door did not open until he was done, and fully dressed. His hair was slicked back only by water, for now, but he wore the crisp lines of a fresh uniform, as he waved her inside. His hand stilled in movement when he realized that there was, indeed, something wrong.

She was pacing the hallway in front of his door, her arms wrapped around herself and a look of utter rage flickering wildly against her features. His eyes widened in surprise; he never should have made her wait outside of the door.

“Rey?” He stopped waving her in. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

“Yes.” The answer was forced, and immediately retracted. _”No._ Can we talk?”

The sound of those words made him nauseous, and he couldn’t exactly place why - unless instinct was telling him that he was in danger, before he could really figure out exactly what that meant. Surely he wasn’t scared of her, was he?

No. That wasn’t it.

“But of course. Please, step inside.” He moved back to stand beside his door, allowing her entry into his quarters. When she stepped inside, it struck him as a passing thought; aside from Phasma, he couldn’t recall ever letting anyone into his quarters before. These weren’t the same quarters, but the premise was the same.

This didn’t strike him as odd. He knew it was because the world around him was changing drastically with every passing second, and his mind had become tired of being shocked by new experiences. 

Rey uncurled her arms and stormed in, but her shoulders remained hunched in a posture he’d never quite known her to possess before. He stared at her, his lips parting in confusion, before he closed the door to his quarters behind him. His hand was on her shoulder without a thought, ready to pull her back and ask her what she needed - but he never managed a word. She snapped her body away from his touch as if he’d scalded her, and her breathing turned shallow.

Was she _scared_ of _him_?

“My apologies.” He whispered out gently, moving to stand beside her without touching her. His head leaned in, earnestly concerned. “The sitting room is this way.”

She met his eyes, and let out a long, shuddering sigh as she followed him to the small room. Once she sat down in a plush chair, he pulled another one up in front of her, and settled down in it. His eyes searched her, waiting patiently for the hammer to drop. When it did, it fell hard.

“I have to leave.”

And there it was. A death sentence handed down with the four most innocuous words imaginable. She’d already decided before he’d even had a chance to stop her.

Hux settled back in his chair, and let acceptance rush cold over his body. There were certain benefits that coming to terms with your own impending death allowed for. But the sense of relief that washed over him was marred by the tight clench of his heart when he remembered that he wasn’t the only one who would die for her choice.

“I’m genuinely sad to hear it. Can you tell me why?”

Her expression was darkening with color, and he knew right away that whatever reasons she’d come up with were embarrassing her. Once again, that made no sense to him.

Once again, he was too tired to care.

“It’s the bond.” She growled out, itching her shoulder unconsciously with one hand. “I thought I could handle it, but he went too far today, and I’m just not comfortable feeling some things from him.”

Now, Hux was surprised. This was _Ren’s_ fault. He found himself doubting that whatever Ren had burdened Rey with was on purpose - not after their last conversation, at least. What could he have done?

“Did it seem like he was projecting purposefully? I could have a chat with him, perhaps we could figure out something-”

“It wasn’t on purpose. There’s nothing you can say. I just - there are simply some things that should stay private, and there’s _definitely_ something I never want to think about _him_ doing. The only answer is leaving. You have to understand that.”

She looked up at him, imploringly. Suddenly her flushed skin, her ragged breathing, and the way she pulled away from his touch all made sense to him.

These strange, magical bonds were far more trouble than they were worth.

“I think I’ve gotten to the heart of what you’re saying.” Hux measured his words out carefully, trying not to upset her. “And I do not blame you. I wouldn’t want an experience like that, either. However, and hear me out now - there might be a better solution than leaving. If that is a solution at all.” He leaned in, his hands folded in front of him. “From what I’ve read of these bonds between force users, distance is not as favorable of a factor as you’re hoping for. I don’t want you to have to feel anything that Ren feels, either. I really don’t.”

He held out his hand for her, and she automatically took it. It was a kind gesture, filled with trust. She was listening, despite the hopelessness in her eyes. She trusted him. 

He was not surprised.

“I want you to learn how to suppress him. How to block it all out. You need to let him teach you that much, at the very least.”

He did not offer the option as some kind of distant, disconnected advice. Every word was carefully chosen as he wrapped the idea up and presented it to her. _I don’t want. I want._. He made the request personal, because he knew it would be so much more difficult for her to turn it down that way. 

“You stand on a precipice, Rey.” He whispered. “What you choose now could affect you - and billions of others - forever. Leaving risks the chance that you could still be afflicted by the bond. I won’t stop you if this is what you really want, but I don’t believe it is. You seem much stronger than that. You did not run from him then, and you won’t run now.”

His words had once invoked unquestionable loyalty in millions of Stormtroopers. But Rey was no Stormtrooper; she was the strongest willed human being he’d ever met, and he had no idea if his words were falling on deaf ears. He put her hand between both of his own, and squeezed it tight.

“You must stand up, and fight against what troubles you. But you won’t be doing so alone.”

A small, but telling inhale was sucked in through her parted lips, and it was the only sign he needed to know he’d succeeded.

“Let me talk to him. We can do so together, if you like - “ His lips twitched when she shook her head almost instantly in response. “ - or just me. That’s all right. I’ll see to it immediately. We’ll set up a permanent schedule for training, and you _will_ find solace again.”

Now, he let his lips lift, because it was appropriate to smile. “And if it doesn’t work, I’ll neuter him. I’ll be doing the world a favor. Do we have a deal?”

He’d never heard her laugh before. He thought that he was too tired of being surprised by new things, but the way her raucous, crystalline laugh vibrated through his weary bones to settle warm and demanding inside of him proved that theory wrong. She was not done surprising him; not by a longshot.

“Good. Excellent. I’ll see to this matter immediately. You’ll meet Ren first thing in the morning - I’ll have room location sent to your quarters before the end of the night. You two will have a week and a half to figure things out, before he is scheduled to leave.” Hux felt a sharp stab of relief run through him - at first, it was for his own life, and hers. Another stab made him jolt when he realized how important this impromptu training really was - if he hadn’t come up with the idea, Rey would have felt everything Ren went through as he completed his own training.

She would have felt everything Snoke was preparing to do to him.

His stomach turned at the very thought.

“Leave?” Rey sighed out, sounding relieved for her own reasons. “Where is he going?”

Quickly, Hux weighed the pros and cons of telling her exactly what Ren was about to do. In the end, he thought brevity was best. “Powerful as he may be, Ren has training of his own left to do. Once he’s gone, you’ll have plenty of time to practice whatever he’s taught you. It will be a rare glimpse of peace, I think.”

He could see the curiosity in her rounded eyes. He stifled down the urge to say any more. 

“One step at a time.” He warned her, reaching out to take her by the elbow and help her to her feet. “Allow me to escort you back to your quarters before I head over to discuss these new plans with him.”

She didn’t jolt away from his touch this time, but there was something still so defiant in the way she slowly pulled her elbow out of his hand, and shook her head. “I know my own way.” She promised him, already heading for the door. “Go on and deal with him. The sooner, the better.”

She left, thanking him one more time for figuring out how to best help her, and he was left in his room alone. The privacy granted him the chance to calm down his racing heart, and ease his stomach. He’d dodged a bullet that night - but how many more would come for him?

How many times would he fear for his own life before anything felt safe again?

He stormed out of his room once his heartbeat had returned to normal, and headed directly towards Ren’s newly acquired quarters.

He made sure to knock extra loudly, in the hopes he was disturbing him from sleeping. When the door eventually opened, he immediately retracted that hope, because it honestly looked like he _had_. Ren’s hair was mussed and wild, and the only cover for his exposed upper body was a great deal of bandaging still wrapped around his side, and across his chest.

Hux glared up at him with the most effective withering look he could manage.

“You have a new assignment.” He clipped out, his tongue slicing sharp on every word.

Ren leaned against the doorframe, stretching out his injured body, and gave the General a look of his own. “I don’t recall taking orders from you, or anyone in the First Order.”

Hux sincerely wondered if he was going to get through this conversation without punching Ren in the jaw.

“This has to do with what we discussed _last night_.” Hux hissed out, his voice falling low in angry, conspiratorial tones. “She’s agreed to train with you. Only blocking, for now. Your bond came this close to causing her to desert us, today. Your bond, and your _carnal activities._ ”

He relished the way Ren’s eyebrows rose high in shock. Ren looked past the General, his head tilting slightly to look down the hall. He was looking for her. “She _felt_ that?” He whispered, far less shamefully than Hux thought he should have been.

His voice laced in disgust when he answered. “Unfortunately. She requested to leave immediately. I persuaded her to give training a chance. Frankly, I’m surprised she said yes. The thought of purposefully spending time around you sounds exhausting.”

Ren rocked back on his heels, and his eyes fell on the General once more. One arm lifted, resting on the doorframe between them, and he used the position to give him the leverage needed to lean closer.

_“Fine.”_ Ren growled out, fresh anger seeping into his voice. “If that’s what it takes.”

“That is what it takes.” Hux replied, his voice suddenly lighter now that Ren had returned to comfortable petulance. “Tomorrow morning, first light. I’ll have a room prepared.”

Ren leaned in further, his lips twitching as they held back a snarl. Hux supposed that Ren was trying to intimidate him, which had never worked very well in the past, so it was unclear what he hoped for now. He stood his ground, even as Ren met him eye to eye.

“You know _why_ I was doing that, _General_. Don’t you?” The snarl in his voice had turned husky, and demanding. 

Hux’s eyes narrowed defensively in response.

“Frankly, I don’t give a damn.” He snorted out, his eyes shifting to look away. He expected Ren to back away, or give up on his little show of dominance. Instead, Ren breathed out a harsh sigh, and Hux’s face pinched with dismay at the feel of hot air brushing against his face. It was all just a little over-dramatic for him, considering he had no idea why the man was acting this way.

“Then maybe _you_ could use a few lessons in blocking, yourself.” Ren growled out, displeased with having to be so obvious. He got the reaction he was looking for - Hux’s eyes met his, and widened for that one moment of revelation, before they narrowed dangerously thin. The rage that boiled within him was palpable in the air between the two, but other than the tight glare, Hux managed a physical mask of apathy.

He would not give Ren the pleasure of watching him squirm.

“You don’t know a great deal about me, boy.” Hux’s voice had the gentle air of a schoolteacher, sharing a lesson with a student. “So I will forgive you for being so impertinent. But I’d like to share something of a tradition from where I was raised. It’s a simple one, really. I’m sure it’s common.”

He backed away, and pulled one glove off of his hand by tugging each finger carefully until it all came off in an elegant slide. He dropped the glove in his other hand, clutching against it with grace until he met Ren’s eyes again. “It goes something like this.”

The glove was slapped against Ren’s cheek with sharp, unforgiving force. His head twisted with the pain of it, and when he turned back to look at Hux, there was a sharp, red welt forming on his cheek.

_“A gentleman asks first.”_

The glove came down hard on the opposite cheek, twisting Ren’s head the other way, but this time Ren caught the wrist holding the glove and held it in the air. He turned his head back to Hux, his eyes flashing with hints of red and gold, and Hux seemed gloriously unaffected by the beast trying to tear itself out from Ren’s eyes.

Hux tugged once, trying to get his wrist back, and failed. He tugged harder a second time, and Ren released the wrist. He took the time to slip his glove back onto his fingers, pulled it tight and secure, and then turned on his heel to walk away.

This time, when he felt the heat of Ren’s glare bearing down on his shoulders, and relished in the feel of having slapped the man into submission, he found himself more relieved from the stress of the day than any of his previous attempts had managed beforehand.

It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Not exactly the kind of explicitness you were looking for but still delightful fun to write. Considering how long it will probably take to get them anywhere, I think we all deserved that. I wanna thank my friend Hux for inspiring the fuck out of that scene. It's only fantastic because of his Huxspiration.
> 
> I spent a good three hours today trying to calm down because someone drew fanart again and I SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THIS KINDNESS, but oh, it's so good, I want to share it with you all because HNNGHHH. So here:
> 
> [Various gorgeous scenes](http://pissbabysithlord.tumblr.com/post/142486849702/every-day-is-star-wars-day-pissbabysithlord) done by <http://pissbabysithlord.tumblr.com/>
> 
> Look at it. LOOK AT ITTTTTTT. FUCK *STILL RIPPING HER HAIR OUT WITH DELIGHT*
> 
> LASTLY I just wanna give a little warning that I'm taking two days off instead of just one, to give myself a little breathing room, so the next chapter will be up in two days instead of the day after tomorrow, unless I get bored / inspired - the moment I try to plan something like this my brain's like NOPE. But we'll see if I can manage to stay away for more than a day. XD
> 
> I can't say this enough. I am so honored to be part of this fandom, and that there are people out there who really like my writing and joining in on the fun. I love you all, I can't wait to see what comes from you all next, and I'll see you back here in two days, where NOBODY IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING REMOTELY SEXY.
> 
> (See, I write that just so my brain tries to fuck me up and it's all porn somehow. I'm smrt.)


	11. Chapter 11

It was their first day of training, and she’d already managed to get on his last nerve.

Working together had been shaky at best, from the moment Kylo showed up in the lounge and sat down across from her. He thought he’d have a chance to be in the room first, to survey it and get comfortable. He couldn’t imagine how early she must have woken up in order to be there waiting for him before he even walked through the door.

She’d probably had the same idea as him. He could see it by the look on her face; she was pleased to be first.

It set the tone for their meeting, and that competitive tension hadn’t stopped yet. 

“Where’s your mask?” Those were the first words she’d decided to say to him. No greeting, no welcome. Nothing even vaguely approachable. She sounded like she was disappointed that she’d have to stare at his face for the day, and his shoulders rolled in an annoyed shrug.

“It didn’t make it.” His rich voice shuddered the words out, voicing an emotion he really needed to get rid of if he was going to try and make some peace with her. He changed the subject with a subtle roll of his eyes, looking anywhere but her. “Tell me what you’re here for.”

He felt her attention focus; he felt her _everything_ , but this particular moment felt like a stab directly into his mind, and he gave her a glimpse of the kind of power she was here to learn by cutting her off. Now, he looked at her. His lips tried to stay still, but the frustration in her expression made them tremble with the threat of a smirk.

“I need that.” She told him, her voice practically singing with frustration. “Teach me how to do it.”

“I will.” He promised, his voice almost conversational in it’s brevity. “I agreed to this. I just wanted to hear it from you.”

Rey let out a sharp sigh, and he watched every muscle that moved because of it. He watched her rise and fall, the twitch of her lips and the tightening of her eyes, and how straight she kept her back. He observed, and when he felt an edge of anger seeping through her, his eyes returned to hers and caught them glaring.

“Stop it.” She demanded.

His eyebrows lifted, just slightly. “Stop what? We haven’t even started.”

“Stop _looking at me like that._ ”

Kylo inhaled sharply through his nose, and leaned away. This was going to be so much harder than he or Hux could have ever imagined. Working with Rey, just this once, was essential to all of their lives. But everything he did angered her - even the way his eyes studied how she moved. He wasn’t ready to display the depths of control he would need to successfully manage around Rey. She demanded something from him that he wasn’t sure he possessed.

He worried at his lower lip, his brow furrowing with dismay. Was he supposed to apologize for looking at her? It made no sense to him to do so, and yet.

He could hear Hux’s nagging voice in the back of his mind, telling him he was an idiot for thinking otherwise.

“I’m sorry.” He finally growled out under his breath. “I’m _trying._ ”

She was observing _him_ , now, and he knew by the way her eyes roamed his face that she was trying to figure out what mystery could be hiding behind all of his features. Why couldn’t she understand that he’d been doing the same, all along?

“I don’t get you.” She told him, the anger replaced with curiosity. He let out a snort, and the walls fell in slow procession. No one was supposed to _get_ him, but letting her in the most shallow of layers was the easiest way to make her feel more at ease with him. If she understood what he was doing, when he was doing it - then maybe, just maybe, they could get through the day without killing one another.

He replayed the moment before, as he observed every nuance of her, and let her see it through his eyes.

“No one tells the truth.” He informed her, even as she wandered through the outer edges of his mind and saw exactly how he planned to teach her. “Not even to themselves. That’s what body language is for. So if you lie to me, believe me. I will know.”

Was she even listening? He narrowed his eyes as her face went blank, focused on searching, reaching for something deeper than what he was showing her -

 _”Enough.”_ He shoved her out of his mind and closed himself off to her, so sharply it made her wince with pain. Now he was the one whose anger was escaping, but his was a darker, more sinister emotion than the fire she’d been feeling before. “You push too far. That’s not what we’re here for.”

She sat back in her seat, unaware that she’d leaned in while searching, and flopped her hands on the armrest with a sigh. “Fine. What do I do first? Kick you out of my mind again?”

Every muscle in his body coiled, and he spent the next few seconds in tense silence, forcing them to release.

“Funny how easily you can bring that up, when your meddling mind is the reason you’re in this mess, to begin with. Are you here to learn how to block me out, or try to make our bond stronger?”

He’d done it. He’d finally silenced her, and for one blissful moment he thought that meant she was repentant. He thought they’d get this to work, after all. Maybe she could be reasoned with. Maybe-

“Are you blaming _me_ for this?”

Maybe not.

Kylo’s eyes snapped up to stare at her wildly. “Is that not obvious?” He asked, bewildered that she could even be surprised. “When do you think this happened, Rey? You took my probe, you wound yourself around it, and you _followed_ it back into my mind. You’ve intertwined us so completely, that I can almost feel the memory of the heat of Jakku burning _my_ skin. How are you just now coming to terms with that?”

She moved so impressively quick. It was the first thought out of his head as she lunged at him, bearing down on him until her forearm was stretched hard against his neck, pushing him back hard enough to keep him from breathing. Her legs were pinning his arms down on either side of him, and he couldn’t quite understand how she’d managed to do this at all.

He thought he might be losing his touch.

“ _You_ were the one who forced yourself into my mind. _You._ This is your fault. I won’t take responsibility just because I _fought back_.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but all he could get out was a choke, before even that was impossible. He realized, suddenly, that his arms _were_ strong enough to push her off of him. He could fling her to the wall, knock her unconscious, or worse. 

But for once, his anger wasn’t controlling his choices. His mind was filled with white noise, and he enjoyed the quiet.

“Say it.” She demanded, pushing her forearm harder against his trachea. She knew that he didn’t need to breathe to take responsibility for his actions. She must have also known that she did not have the upper hand, despite acting like it. This wasn’t about strength, anymore.

_It was my duty-_

“SAY IT.” She pushed harder, and he felt something twisting uncomfortably in his neck. He winced, and his eyes finally turned cold with anger.

_You’re right._

Her arm pulled back, leaving him the room he needed to breathe, and he sucked in short, vicious breaths through his nose.

“And?”

He waited until he felt like his throat wouldn’t burn if he spoke, but when he did, it burned regardless.

“I’m at fault.”

 _”And?”_ She egged him on relentlessly, and he rolled his eyes up at her. Just the expression alone had her threatening to try and choke him again. In the back of his mind, he wondered how much of this aggressive behavior was really her anger, and how much of it was just him rubbing off on her.

That was a pacifying thought.

“And I’m _sorry._ ” This was the hardest of all to say, hissed out through clenched teeth, but he managed regardless if only to see her finally sit back down on her own chair, and not on his lap.

“Good.” The switch of her mood disarmed him, as she smiled with smug content. But then she came to the same conclusion he’d just been thinking of a moment before, and realized she was just casually straddling him. With a shove to his chest, she shrank away and returned to her seat.

He rubbed the spot on his chest where she’d struck him, and wondered if she thought all of _that_ was his fault, too.

Yes, he assured himself. According to Rey, everything was probably his fault, from this point on. It felt strange and discomforting to try and take responsibility for his actions for the first time in his life. He didn’t like the feeling; it had always made more sense to blame others. Before Rey, that was exactly how he managed his day to day life. Her influence on him was now a cumbersome weight, one that he struggled to bear despite how foreign it felt.

“Anyway.” Rey piped up for attention, knocking him out of his thoughts. He’d been staring unfocused away from her, but when he returned his gaze he found every movement in her body pulling away, tight and withdrawn. She was embarrassed.

She reacted to things too easily, he told himself, explaining away the color of her cheeks and the way she couldn’t meet his gaze. She needed to learn control just as badly as he did. It was a good thing he wasn’t there to teach her that; he’d be a horrible master.

“We should begin.” He told her, clearing whatever strange huskiness he suddenly found in his voice. “You just want to learn how to block me out. That means concentration. It’s learned with practice, but you need to start somewhere - you need to feel what you’re doing, and then you can get better at it. Are you ready?”

She snapped up to stare at him apprehensively. “For what?!”

His eyes fluttered lightly in frustration, and he let his explanation out in a long sigh. _“To try and block me.”_

Her eyes widened, and he watched her as it slowly dawned on her. He was going to try and force himself into her mind. The look on her face made him sick to his stomach. He was doing this to _help_ her, and she still looked so, so-

“We don’t have to do this.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. Of _course_ they had to do this. She would be killed if she tried to leave. Hux would be killed. Kylo couldn’t fathom why he was suddenly giving her a choice.

And yet, his words had somehow inspired a determination that skittered across her expression. He’d seen that look before, only once. He remembered how it felt to see her find such powerful, beautiful peace.

It had been enough to keep him locked in place, watching it like one would watch a sunrise or a bomb detonating. It had been enough to distract him from killing her, once.

“No.” She huffed out, breaking him from the memory of lightsabers clashing together. “I can do this. Teach me.”

He sucked a sharp breath in through his teeth and ground his nails against his palms, using the pinpricks of pain to ground him into a sense of control. He was doing this to keep everyone around him alive, and therefore really didn’t need to enjoy the sound of it _quite_ as much as he did.

“Imagine a barrier.” He knew he sounded angry by the look on her face, and chose to let her think that was the truth. “Like a helmet around your head. Close your eyes and imagine something impenetrable wrapped around it, protecting you from me. Imagining yourself pulling that barrier down hard over your entire mind, and hold on to it.”

She closed her eyes, and lifted her arms. He reached out, pressing both of his hands against her wrists, and immediately her eyes opened again. “No. Just imagine it. Don’t actually move.”

Her arms fell down to her sides, and he pulled away. He realized, a little belatedly, that he could have just told her without stopping her physically. It was just the kind of unnecessary touch that would make it harder to focus, and he should have known better.

He kept his hands to himself, from then on.

“Take your time. Make sure it feels solid. You know how to call the Force to you, now - that’s all you’re doing. Calling the force to wrap around your mind and keep you in solitude. Use what you’ve already learned, and shape it to your desire.”

At least now, with her eyes closed, he could watch her freely. He leaned in as his gaze traced paths down every curve of her face, stopping when there was even the slightest twitch. Her brow furrowed and he flickered up to watch it, reading into the tiniest movement with ease. There - she was trying in earnest now. Her forehead smoothed out, and he knew she’d found the Force within. He could feel it singing through her veins, traveling up until it rested against her mind, waiting for her direction.

She was too new to this to mold it in exactly the position she wanted, but he could feel her trying, like a new sculptor first learning the feel of clay in their hands.

“I think I’ve got it.” She whispered, and Kylo’s lips broke out into an easy smile.

“Not yet.” He whispered back, close enough to make her falter. “Don’t get distracted. Focus on what you’re feeling around your mind. The Force is there, where you’ve called for it. Now, make it protect you. Make it surround your thoughts.”

Her brow furrowed again as she tried. 

“When I try to break it, it will be the most distracting thing you’ve ever felt. You _have_ to stay focused, Rey.” He spoke her name too easily, now, and vaguely wondered at what point he’d forgotten that he wasn’t going to use the name anymore. He wondered why that suddenly felt so childish of him.

He was the one getting distracted, now.

“Are you ready?” He knew she wasn’t. He asked anyway.

“Yes.” She shuddered out, so very certain of herself. He centered his thoughts on the moment, and his hand rose up, fingers splayed out an inch from her face.

Whatever loose, unmolded collection of power she’d surrounded herself with crumbled in moments, and he slid into her memories with ease, touching on the first thing he could find. He saw a child, dressed just like her, screaming up into the sky. Screaming for someone to come back.

She shoved him out with every ounce of Force she’d gathered, and he groaned as a wave of pain traveled through him. She was a brute, unnecessarily rough with him, because she didn’t know how to control it.

This was going to be difficult.

“I don’t want you in my head.” Her voice trembled when she spoke, as he sat back in the chair, holding his head with one hand. Other than her anger, she didn’t look affected at all. “I only wanted to block this bond. Why do you have to get inside of my head to teach me this?”

For a few moments, he didn’t answer. He felt a wave of guilt crashing over him, and he realized quickly that it wasn’t his own. She’d finally noticed that her efforts to keep him out were painful, and perhaps she relented. Or perhaps she did not. He couldn’t quite find it in him to care.

“The only way to learn how to keep our bond blocked is to learn how to block. And since your first try was such a _spectacular_ failure, I wouldn’t expect that to be the last time I break through. So get used to it, or _get out._ ”

Since his eyes were closed, he half expected her to be gone by the time he re-opened them. When he did, and she was still there, he was glaring at her through half-slits and wondering why she even bothered.

Was being connected with him a worse fate than going through this torture to learn how to stop it?

Kylo felt mildly insulted.

No, a voice in the back of his mind warned him. That wasn’t insult he felt.

“If you like,” He seethed out, drowning the voice out with his own. “You can control what I find, too. Just like before, I’m only skimming the surface. Whatever I find in your mind is up to you. I’m not trying to go any _deeper._ ” There was sarcasm in his voice - a reminder that she’d done exactly that, when he allowed her inside of his head.

She made an expression of distaste, but he knew better than to expect guilt.

“Remember the ocean.” When Kylo spoke of it, Rey looked at him as if she’d been slapped. “It’s innocuous, and I’ve already seen it. You use it as your focus, your center. If you use that thought, it might help you with your barrier. And if it breaks, the ocean is all I’ll see.”

The next few moments of Kylo’s life seemed to slow with agonizing importance. His suggestion brought a relief down on her that flooded him, and he curled inward as if it hurt to be filled with it. It had been such a simple, silly little thing. He gave her what she needed to keep her thoughts private, and somehow that meant the world to her. He could feel it - he could see it in the way her face brightened, and she smiled.

Oh, how she _smiled_. He was suddenly burdened with more agony than he could handle, and worked to keep his face from screwing up painfully in response. That was an expression that was never - could never be - meant for him. And yet she gave it so freely, just because.

Just because.

Her smile faltered, and he knew that she’d picked up that something was wrong.

“Well?” He hissed out. “Will we try again?”

She seemed to recoil at his brusque response, but looked all too willing to try it out. Her eyes closed, and he felt like he could breathe again. He rested his head back on the chair, and used the time she needed in order to collect himself.

“Kylo?”

He opened his eyes, and found her waiting, utterly concentrated on her task. He must have been quiet for too long - that, or she was just impatient. Either way, he leaned back towards her, and reached out with one hand.

It was a little stronger, this time. It felt like pushing through something sluggish and muddy, but he managed nonetheless. When he’d passed through what she’d created, he felt her give up and let him in, and the peacefulness of her ocean ebbed and flowed through his mind.

He could understand why the vision was so useful to her. He lingered, tasting that usefulness for himself.

“Do you know where it is?” He asked, his thoughts still firmly intertwined in hers.

“No idea.” She admitted, her body swaying as the undercurrent of her most peaceful thought tried to wash her away, too. “It’s always been there. I’ve never seen an ocean, before - not that I can remember, at least. But I can feel it when I need to be somewhere else.”

“Or someone else.”

Rey opened her eyes, and they crinkled with confusion when she saw him there, his hand still perched just beside her head, and his expression distant, but peaceful. “Yes, actually.” She whispered, and he pulled away before she could ask him how he understood that so well.

Toying with minds that were already too close suddenly felt like a dangerous game to be playing so soon, and Kylo tried not to feel the growing sense of dread when he realized that she was comfortable just looking at him. There was no fear, no anger or frustration in that gaze. She wasn’t feeling much of anything, he realized, and it was as peaceful as her ocean to endure the quiet inside. It felt like the eye of a storm, but he hadn’t experienced a reprieve in so long, that he latched on to it until it’s eventual end.

When her expression crumpled, he felt her fear return.

“What kind of training do you think Snoke is going to put you through?” She asked, her lips tightening as if she regretted letting the question free almost immediately after asking it.

“I don’t know.” He answered, happy to spare her the details of his previous training. “You have nothing to worry about. At this rate, you’ll have me blocked by then. You won’t feel a thing.”

Somehow, her expression looked even more worried, and he finally backed away from the lean, where he’d been inches from her this entire time. He knew the words were coming before she even opened her mouth.

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

A long, pregnant pause fell between them, as he stared suspiciously at her, and she stood her ground. Rey wasn’t trying to tell him he meant something to her - she was reminding him that torture of any kind, to anyone, was unforgivable to her. She reminded him, in the silence, of the kind of woman she was. The kind of woman she always would be.

The kind of woman that would never turn to the Dark Side.

“You’ve learned enough for one day.” His response was strangely unaffected by how serious their discussion had become. He nudged his chin at her, and waved her away with his hand. “Go practice. I won’t be so easy on you tomorrow.”

For some reason, his threat made her nose pinch with delight. She stood to leave, but she hesitated for a minute, before bowing her head at him quickly.

“Thanks for this.” She offered, disappearing from the lounge within seconds, and leaving him alone to his thoughts. 

Terrible, dangerous thoughts. Thoughts that wished she was worried about him for more personal reasons than her moral compass. Thoughts that wished he could forget the echo of his master’s reminder that compassion was making him weak; and how true that felt, in this moment.

He’d never felt weaker than he did when he saw her smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy I'm posting exactly when I said I would, how weiiird.   
> I have nothing cute or funny to say about this chapter, it's just another one of those necessary steps :|  
> But look, look at this beautiful fanart from the last chapter, and you bet your sweet ass it's BATHTUB HUX. (Actually safe for work though don't worry) THANK YOU PERSIMONNE ;; 
> 
> [Classy Bathtub Hux](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/142626745093/persimonne-every-day-is-star-wars-day-have) by <https://persimonne.tumblr.com/>
> 
> I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS AND ALL YOUR COMMENTS , and I promise Hux will be back soooon. He just has to go wank off like 10 more times and then we're good ok.


	12. Chapter 12

It was four days into their arrangement, and Hux had not seen or heard much from Rey. Ren had managed to stop in and give him a brief update on their second day when requested, which had consisted of a suspiciously short summary of their progress. 

“We’re managing.”

Hux would have probed further on the matter, but he found he’d never been busier in his entire life - and that was certainly a feat, considering his past. This project had taken up every minute of his time, including most of what he should have spent sleeping. He’d been in near constant hololink conversation with Captain Phasma, arguing through every inconsistency and developmental problem that arose from the reconditioning process, and tearing it apart piece by piece.

They’d made clear progress, but there was still so much left to do, and never enough time to do it.

By the time he saw Ren again, they were on day four, and Hux had managed no more than eight total hours of sleep in that length of time. Usually his breaks came at the behest of Phasma herself, who practically ordered him to lie down for a few hours. Now, he had just woken from a strictly timed two hours of sleep, and was sipping pleasantly on a small cup of caf while he waited for Phasma to return to her console and answer his hail.

It was probably the best time for Ren to catch him, because his mind was still foggy from sleep, and he hadn’t yet buried himself back into his work.

“Good morning, Ren.” He greeted the man as he entered his quarters without being invited. “You look as surly as ever.”

“Look who’s talking.” Ren grumbled back at him, his lip curling with displeasure as he caught the sight of the exhaustion still evident on Hux’s face. The darkness under his eyes would always be too telling due to his pale skin, but even if he did look half-dead, he spoke with the same sharp wit as ever.

“How are your sessions with Rey coming along? No major injuries, I take it?”

“It’s-” Ren paused, his lower lip pulled between his teeth as he searched for the words. The hesitance made Hux straighten up, suddenly at full attention. He could sense something was different.

“-It’s better. She’s gotten the hang of it. We’ve moved past blocking at this point. She’s too stubborn for her own good, she needs to expand her skillset.”

Hux could hear just how fake Ren’s annoyance was, but that came as no surprise. “You _did_ want to teach her.” He pointed out, pleased to see the way Ren faltered in awkwardness before nodding his head. He would never admit it, but there was a part of Ren that found great pleasure in passing on what he’d learned.

Hux wondered if that was the case with all Force users. Perhaps it was biological in need, the desire to forge oneself again within an apprentice. Both sides of the Force always had such obsessions with it.

“That’s not why I’m here.” Ren’s voice sharpened, annoyed at himself for being so easily distracted. "She would like-”

There was a quiet, but noticeable clearing of a throat just beyond the door. Hux’s eyebrows rose as he tilted his head, leaning to gaze past the giant man blocking his view. She thought she was out of sight, but Rey’s feet were poking out of the bottom of the open doorway, with her toes pointed childishly at one another. Now, he was thoroughly intrigued.

“ _We_ would like it,” Ren seethed out, sufficiently reprimanded into changing his wording. “If you joined us for dinner tonight. It’s been days since she’s-”

She cleared her throat again, and Ren’s fists tightened. Hux’s lips parted, as wonder slowly overtook him. This was a new development.

“Since _we’ve_ seen you.” The flinty glare in Ren’s eyes informed him that he didn’t actually give a damn about how long they hadn’t seen Hux. He was just following orders.

_Ren was following orders._

Hux sucked in a sharp breath, and let it out in a slow, calming sigh. When he finally spoke, his voice maintained it’s airy, unaffected quality.

“Mm. No. Too busy. Perhaps I would have considered if both of you had come to me with the offer, but as it stands-”

Like clockwork, the girl burst out of her hiding place and shoved Ren to one side, scrambling to lean her hands on Hux’s desk. She gave him a stern glare, with lips so tightly pouted they were distracting. He knew she’d come - but she didn’t need to be so damn endearing about it.

“Hux.” She huffed out. “You need a break. And everybody needs to eat. Come have dinner with us!” Her pout disappeared in place of an awkward, hopeful smile. “Please?”

For a moment, he regarded her as he considered. Then he picked up his holopad in one hand, and held it up to his face. He flipped idly through files with his thumb, opened up a blank message, and typed something out with one finger. All the while, Rey stood immobile, her hopefulness refusing to deter. The silence dragged on as he worked, and he waited for the inevitable moment of Ren’s impatience - which came in a quiet growl, and a few whispered words under Ren’s breath.

_“You insufferable-”_

“A short meal.” Hux interrupted what was likely to be a string of profanities, as he set the holopad down and kept his eyes firmly off of Rey’s expression. “I’ll have it all delivered to my quarters. Say, half an hour?”

Ren responded with a nod, and turned to leave without another word. He looked like he was moving in too much of a hurry to be natural, and when Rey turned around to check, he was already gone. She pushed off the desk, taking that as her cue to leave the General alone as well.

But he had other ideas.

“Psst.” She was already halfway to the door when his whisper caught her attention, swiveling her back to look at him. He crooked a finger, beckoning her back to him, and she complied, leaning her weight on the corner of the desk. 

“It’s just one measly meal, General.” She began, already assuming that he was going to try and argue his way out of it. “Besides, if I don’t talk to someone else for a little while, I’m going to snap and kill him. I swear it. It’s a legitimate threat!”

His tired expression broke out in a grin, before waving his hand in dismissal. That wasn’t what he’d called her over to talk about.

“How did you _do_ it?” He whispered, despite how little the volume of his voice could really protect his privacy. “Make him submit.”

An awkward, high-pitched laugh escaped Rey before she could stop it. Her head shook wildly, and everything about her expression indicated that she wanted no credit for something like that. “Not even close. We just made a compromise. He wanted to teach me more than just blocking, and I wanted him to ask you to dinner. It wasn’t even all my idea really - he’s the one who keeps saying you’re working too hard. I just thought this was a good way to make you take a break.”

Hux took note of Ren’s excellent observational skills. He would never have guessed the man was even aware of Hux’s current schedule. He chose not to be surprised by this facet of Ren, ever again.

“Ah, but still. You two seem to be working well together. He tells me you’ve mastered blocking?”

She shook her head, but there was a crooked smile of pride tugging at her lips even as she denied it. “Not mastered, no. Just barely managing to keep him out, but there’s nothing left to do with that except practice. Practice is fun.” She leaned in, her grin showing too many teeth. “He punches himself sometimes when I’m nowhere near him just to see if I feel it. I don’t, but sometimes I say I do just to make him do it again.”

Anyone who’d ever misinterpreted the scavenger from Jakku as an innocent, naive creature was a complete fool. Hux relished the mischief in her expression, pressing his index fingers against his lips while his hands folded in front of him.

“You’re downright treacherous.” He murmured past the press of his fingers, pride easily audible in his voice. She opened her mouth to argue against it, but he could see her working it all out in her head, and her lips closed before she ever said a word. Instead, she just managed an over-exaggerated shrug of her shoulders.

She was a little proud, too.

* * *

He’d ordered a simple meal delivered to his quarters, after making his excuses to Phasma for taking the time to eat away from his desk. The relief in her voice when she realized this meant she could do the same was palpable; he wondered if he was working the Captain too hard, though it was hard to believe such a thing when her work ethic was even more diligent than his own. If anything, she was probably just stir-crazy from sitting in one place for too long. He wouldn’t have been surprised to hear she’d spent the break training, instead of having a meal.

When he returned to his quarters, the meal was already waiting for him. He unbuttoned the front of his uniform, and then buttoned it right back up again. Comfort took a back seat to dignity, and there was no reason he couldn’t eat in full uniform - he did it all the time. There was no excuse to be so informal at a time like this.

The knock at his door came precisely ten minutes later, exactly on time. He stood to open it, but paused with his hand on the knob. He could hear them on the other side of the door, and though he couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying, he was sure they were already starting a fight.

Wonderful, Hux thought. This had been a _flawless_ idea.

He opened the door, and they fell silent - though he caught the way Rey’s elbow was straightening, as if she’d just been using it to try and nudge Ren away. Her expression lit up in a pleasant smile, and Hux stood to the side of the door while holding it open. “Please, come in. Dinner’s already arrived.”

The meal itself was a simple affair. The base had no extravagance when it came to their stock, but there was meat - three flanks of steak cooked medium rare - and there was a bowl filled with a remarkable variety of steamed vegetables. A small cup of a rich sauce was placed in the middle, to be drizzled on as desired. 

“This isn’t what they serve in the kitchen.” Rey breathed out, inching directly towards the table as if the aroma was pulling her forward. Hux walked past her, pulling out one of the chairs and waving her into it. 

“It’s slop, compared to what the staff of the Finalizer can do.” He informed her, waiting for her to take the seat. She stood in front of it, flickering her gaze back and forth from him to the chair. “Once we’ve returned, remind me to order you the Berbersian crab. It’s - Rey, this is for you.” He’d finally realized that she had no idea what he was doing with the chair, and he reached out to take her hand, leading her to it. She sat down, plopping in the chair until her feet no longer touched the ground, and feeling the slide of it as Hux moved her back towards the table.

“There. Now. As I was saying, the crab is excellent in season.” He walked around to the other side, where Ren had already settled himself into the chair across from Rey. He gave the man a tight smile. “Couldn’t wait? I would have held the chair out for you too, if you’d liked.”

Cold, flinty eyes flickered at Hux in silent response. Hux gave Rey a knowing smirk, before taking his place between them. “Please, help yourselves.”

They’d never eaten together. Hux had never even eaten around Ren. He was surprised, then, to find that Ren’s table manners were impeccable. He should have suspected as much; even if it was only his childhood, he’d been raised by a princess. Despite that, Hux always imagined Ren to be a brute in all things, including food consumption. Instead, he found the man folding his napkin on his lap in just the same way he did, and reaching for the nearest bowl to serve himself with.

Rey, however, had no such social etiquette to cling to.

Halfway into the meal, Hux and Ren came to the same conclusion; that watching Rey eat was a spectacle they were not prepared for, and it felt like the right choice to keep their eyes focused on their own meals. Of course, Hux knew they were likely over-reacting; she wasn’t pulling apart her food with her fingers anymore, at least. Somewhere within the first few minutes of the meal, she’d picked up her utensils, and started cutting the meat just like they did. Still, neither of the men made any comment about the sound of her chewing, or slurping, or even the way she licked her fingers and dragged them across the plate to get the last few dregs of sauce off of it. Silence was, for the most part, handled quite comfortably between them.

Until it wasn’t.

“What is this sauce?” The sound of her curious voice was almost startling. She was looking into the bowl, which was almost empty by the time she finally started to think about it. “What’s it for?”

“For?” Hux fought down a smile. “You’ve eaten that much of it and you don’t know what it’s for?”

She looked at him like she would have thrown something at his head, if it wouldn’t have made a mess. “I can’t taste the ingredients. It’s so strong - I didn’t really care about what nutritional value it adds to the meal until I just thought about it.”

Hux flickered his eyes to Ren, as if looking for some sort of support. He got exactly as much as he should have expected - none. The man just shrugged and pushed his empty plate away, leaving Hux to continue trying to answer a question he didn’t understand.

“It’s just added flavor, Rey. It brings out the flavors of the meat when eaten together. You’re just meant to enjoy it. Here.”

She’d inhaled her food without giving it any thought, so Hux cut off a bite sized piece of what was left of his steak, dipped it thoroughly in the sauce, and handed her the fork. “Close your eyes, and eat that slowly. Leave it in your mouth for a while. Savor it.”

She took the fork, and he stood up to let her have the moment while he retrieved a bottle and three glasses from the kitchen. If she ate it without doing as he’d described, he wasn’t going to chastise her for it. It would be her loss.

But she did listen, and he discovered this in the strangest way. It was not the sound of Rey enjoying her food that he heard behind him; but a low, throaty moan escaping Ren that almost made him drop the glasses he was carrying. He turned to stare, looking at the back of Ren’s head, and he could see from where he was that Rey was staring too. He’d almost forgotten that Rey knew nothing about Ren’s .. condition.

Hux set a glass in front of each of them, and held the last one for himself. Now, he could see Ren’s face - which was flushed pink, and angry with humiliation. It must be torture, to have so little control over oneself, Hux thought.

The bottle in his hand was well timed.

“He spends all that time teaching you how to block him out,” Hux murmured, amusement laced freely through his voice. “And spends none of it trying to block you out. That’s karma, Rey. Well done.”

His light hearted joking broke the heavy awkwardness of the moment, forcing Rey to smile up at him while Ren collected himself. “I’ll take that reaction to mean you enjoyed savoring food. You should try it more often, now. I make sure to enjoy every bite. Or sip, as the case may be.” He held the bottle out for her inspection, against his arm. “I indulged in a special order a few days ago. It took them some time to get here, but it’s worth it.”

As he opened the bottle, his conversational tone smoothed him easily into the next topic. “Speaking of special orders. The ship that brought me this little treasure is leaving in three days. I’ve secured a space for your friend to return in it. They’ll be heading to a trade post in a neutral territory. From there, he should be able to find his way back to the Resistance.”

He poured a sliver of the brandy into each of the three glasses. “I’ve received word today that his injuries are now fully healed, including the superficial ones. I’ll have him woken up tomorrow.”

When he spoke, each sentence flowed beautifully into the next, making it too easy to forget that conversation was a two way street. He finally paused, waiting for her to say something, but when he looked up at her his careful smile faltered. 

Her hands were pressed against her open mouth, and her eyes were glistening, threatening to overflow with tears. She hadn’t been trying to speak - in fact, it was likely she couldn’t even speak now. Behind him, Ren’s breathing had become short, and audible. He knew by the way she looked and the way _he_ was reacting, that Rey was truly moved.

He placed the bottle down, and picked up his glass. “Patience has always netted me the greatest rewards in my life. I’m happy to see that your patience in this matter has done the same for you. Come.”

He turned, nudging his head at Ren’s glass. “Both of you. Indulge me. I worked _very_ hard to procure this.”

They took their glasses, and Rey’s lips were trembling, unable to contain herself. Hux lifted the glass and tilted it, first against hers, and then Ren’s.

“To the future.” He offered, drinking his sip of brandy in one swoop.

He wasn’t surprised when the next thing he heard was Rey choking on the taste of alcohol for the first time. He did, after all, remember the cigarettes. The sound of it amused him, so he merely smiled and poured them all another glass. He was starting to become fond of being the deliverer of all of these firsts.

* * *

Hux knew exactly what he was doing when he refilled their glasses with small, innocuous sips each time they finished one. The bottle was more than half empty by the time he stopped pouring, and they moved to the sitting room with their glasses. He’d slowed down considerably for Rey long before that, but when they moved and she asked for one more, he couldn’t find it in him to say no. 

He’d promised Phasma he’d return within the hour. It was already bordering on four, with no real end in sight.

“You can’t possibly be as drunk as her.” Hux demanded, when he caught Ren stumbling to move from a seat to the floor. “I’ve seen you handle your liquor before. Control yourself.”

Ren slurred out something that sounded like it would have been an expletive, before shaking his head thoroughly and pinching his expression with focus. Whether or not the man was using the Force to actually sober himself up, or simply blocking out whatever state Rey was in, was a mystery - and Hux kept it that way. He simply helped prop Rey up into a seated position, and gently took away her glass. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell she was still awake.

“This is, oh, it’s lovely.” She hummed out, her head tilting up and falling back. “Do you do this often?”

“Absolutely not.” Hux mused out, staring down at his glass as he gently stirred the liquid in it. “One needs a clear, level head to do what I do.”

“Otherwise, you blow up the wrong system.” Ren hadn’t yet found full sobriety, but his voice was back, and the snark was uninhibited. Hux glared at him with warning, but the damage had been done. Rey lifted her head back up and opened her eyes, frowning as she tried to think too hard for her sloshed mind to manage. It was a horrible time to remind her of the atrocities he’d performed, but Ren was just intoxicated enough to let his jealousy slip, and there was no shame in his eyes.

“Do you regret it?” Rey asked, inevitably bringing it up now that her own inhibitions had left her. Hux was still glaring at Ren, when she asked. He turned to her, and shook his head.

“The Republic was far more corrupt than anyone has led you to believe. What I did destroyed a system to unite a galaxy. I will never be ashamed of that.”

He could see by her face that she wasn’t happy with his answer. He never expected her to be. There would never be a moment in his machinations where he hoped, even for one second, that Rey would forgive him for what he’d done.

But she would forget. Selectively, without constant reminder. The distant tragedy of a world and people she’d never known would slip from her mind when she was brought to focus on how someone she loved was being saved, or hope for a better tomorrow was being offered.

She would forget, when it mattered most. He was counting on it.

“You should be.” She told him, her voice slurring even as she reprimanded him. “Don’t ever think about doing anything like that again, or else I’ll kill you.” She pointed a shaky finger at Ren, who lifted his head up in surprise. “You too, Kylo. I’m here now. No more of this. I’m here now.”

“You’re wrecked.” Ren hissed out at her, refusing to acknowledge that she’d just ordered him not to kill anyone ever again. He shifted, visibly disturbed; and still vaguely intoxicated himself. “Go sleep off this lunacy.”

“I mean it.” She breathed out, her eyes fluttering closed as if just hearing the word sleep was enough to pull her down into it. “I won’t let you. I can do this. I won’t hesitate this time.”

Her head was lolling to the side, slowly leaning towards where Hux sat beside her.

“You heard the woman, Ren. We’re officially barred from killing anyone in this war.” He chuckled out, barely registering the moment her head dropped against his shoulder. His chuckle merely died out, and his eyes glanced at her from the side. “Who would have known it could be that simple?”

“And I’m sure you’re going to follow her instructions to the letter.” Ren groaned, sliding his glass away in order to avoid temptation. “She isn’t joking, Hux. I hope you know that. If she thinks you’re about to follow through on another attack, she’ll use this little game of trust you’re playing with her and put a bullet between your eyes.”

“How crude.” Hux huffed out. “I should at least hope Rey would find some more creative way to dispose of me, if the time came. She’s a clever girl, Ren. You don’t give her enough credit.”

“I give her _exactly_ enough credit.” Ren was on his knees, moving close enough to sit directly in front of them. It was easier to whisper, there. “Enough to take her seriously, unlike what you’re doing right now.”

Hux put his glass down, and his lips lifted in an empty smirk. “No. I know she’d try to kill us if things don’t go the way she plans. But she’s never been in a war, Ren. She has no understanding of what’s at stake. Teaching her that will take time, and patience. So yes - for now, I absolutely _do_ plan on following her instructions to the letter. I have no intention to kill anyone, anytime soon. The First Order is in need of some major reconstruction, and I don’t just mean physical. There will be no imminent attacks until we’ve re-established our forces and our system of order. So I think, unless the Resistance begins to actively try to destroy us in our crippled state, that her needs will be met.”

He could feel the full weight of her resting against him, now. She’d fallen asleep.

“Why did you bring her here?” Ren’s voice had changed so suddenly it made Hux shudder. The anger was gone, replaced by something achingly soulful and inquisitive. He’d never noticed before, but Ren had startlingly beautiful eyes when he wasn’t glaring hatefully. And he looked like he needed an honest answer more than anything, in that moment.

So Hux gave him one.

“Perhaps,” Hux breathed out, his voice low and almost threatening. “I felt a change of guard was in order.”

He saw the tightening of Ren’s eyes, and wondered exactly what the man thought about that.

In the long silence that stretched out, Ren’s only answer came in that pit of heated energy churning between them, and Hux felt it was the kind of dangerous answer that just birthed more questions than it was worth.

Rey groaned quietly against his shoulder, and Ren’s sharp eyes flickered in distraction, settling on her once more. The move gave Hux a chance to breathe again, though he wasn’t exactly sure when he’d stopped.

“She trusts you.” Ren whispered, that same faint thread of jealousy returning to his voice. “Why does she trust you?”

In that question, Hux heard another. _Why you, and not me?_

“The answer is simpler than you think.” Hux reached out, and wrapped an arm around the girl. Unconsciously, she curled up into a ball, and her face disappeared against the side of his body. Ren looked on with a touch of bewilderment.

“I’ve never attacked her. Never even threatened to. I’ve never entered her mind by force. I’ve never killed anyone in front of her - let alone someone she cared about. I’ve never performed an act of aggression in front of her - her subconscious has no automatic response to fear me. And most importantly, I’ve never once stopped her from leaving. To Rey, I mean freedom.”

His hand rested on her head, indenting the hair with it’s presence. “And I plan to keep it that way.”

It was clear that Ren hadn’t actually sobered himself up, by the expression that crumpled his face in dismay. He looked crushed - and more childlike than Hux had ever seen him. The night wasn’t a complete waste after all, if it meant seeing the man at his most vulnerable. This was where Hux knew how to handle someone. Where change was possible.

“You’ve set a great many hurdles in front of you, Ren.” He told the man, sympathy evident in his voice. “But that doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to overcome them. If you want her to trust you, you need to earn it. Actively. And personally, with the stunt you pulled coming into my office today, at her behest? You’re off to a good start.”

It was like watching a dog receive a treat. Ren’s expression lifted, eyebrows raised in question. Hux nodded his head, confirming that he’d actually done something right - perhaps for the first time in a very, very long time.

Ren leaned back, letting that single positive thought consume him. It wasn’t enough, of course - not even remotely enough. But perhaps it was a start.

Ren chewed at his lower lip, and a particularly strong wave of intoxication tried to rush through him. He was still feeling her, even as she slept. When his eyes fluttered and opened again, he let them settle on the hand that rested against Rey’s head, and a thought bubbled unwelcome up into his mind. He spoke it without reservation.

“Do you have feelings for her?” He asked, and the answer came almost instantly.

“Why, yes of course.” Hux’s voice was a mixture of amusement, and surprise. As if this was obvious. “But not in the way you might think.”

Ren waited, silent and swaying, for an explanation. Hux breathed out a soft laugh, and picked his brandy glass up again. “I feel admiration. A great deal of it, in fact. And a little jealousy. More than that, I feel proud to have found her when I did, and somehow managed to keep her here. Keep her happy.”

He took a sip of his brandy, a tiny one. Just for the taste of it on his lips. “But above all things, hope. I feel hope.”

It was the most unreachable of feelings for Ren, so far out of his grasp unless he was feeling it through someone else. He had to ask. He had to understand. “Hope for what?”

Hux lifted his glass, just the way he had when he’d toasted for the future. “Peace in our time, my friend.” He held the key to it all close, and patted her head as he took another sip before contentedly repeating it. “Peace in our time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah okay Hux, because that worked out _so well_ for Chamberlain didn't it.
> 
> SO here's a chapter, _enjoy it while you can_.
> 
> That sounded so sinister. I have no regrets.
> 
> To everyone who still comments, thank you so much for your kind words and for always reminding me that there are people who are enjoying this, you have no idea how much it means to me! It gives me LIIIIIFE.
> 
> (P.S. thank you to both Hux and Rachel for always being so supportive, without you guys I can promise I wouldn't have been able to write another chapter. *BLOWS KISSES*)


	13. Chapter 13

Rey had already suffered through a few dreams of Han Solo before. It was always the same; watching him fall from that bridge, killed by his own son. She’d watch, disembodied, like a stranger who had no right to be there. One who had no right to wake up from nightmares of his death, as if he was more to her than a kind old man that would have given her a second chance. The sound of her screaming always woke her up in a sweat, shaking and gasping for breath. 

Talking herself down afterward was just a matter of trying to convince herself that he represented something important to her, and her nightmares were just a reminder of what had been stolen. What could have been.

They were a reminder, because in the end, she knew she hadn’t known him long enough to memorize his face - and it felt important not to forget.

She knew this dream, inside and out. It didn’t matter that she was looking directly at Han this time. In fact, it was better this way. She could see him, now. The dream itself was the same, even if the point of view had changed. 

Now, she could see all of the emotion in his eyes, and all of the hope. Han was standing in front of a monster and hoped for his son to emerge, because he said he’d missed him. _They’d_ missed him. 

A foreign thought responded to the sight of Han’s hope - It was just too difficult to believe in his words. Not after all these years. All these disappointments. All the abandonment.

Something about that thought set her on edge, even while locked so deeply in her dream. It made no sense. Han had never disappointed _her_ in his life; and she believed, truly, that he never would have - despite Kylo’s jealous little warning during her interrogation.

She refocused on trying to memorize Han’s face as he stared up at her, his brow furrowed so deeply that the lines of his age tracked along his forehead. She saw reflections of red in his eyes, and she knew if she looked hard enough, she would see too much, and give in.

_Give in? Give in to what?_

And then it happened again. She heard thoughts, but she knew, distantly, that they weren’t hers. In those thoughts, she wished, in one single, traitorous moment, that he’d never come to Starkiller. She wished he’d never tried to bring her back home ( _home?_ ), and stayed safe in the farthest reaches of deep space, away from her. Away from this inevitable fate. 

But he always was such a fool.

She felt like she was hurtling down a slope, and the inevitable landing was finally in sight. She deserved this, that foreign voice kept chanting in her foreign head. She deserved the chance to accept his help, finally, _finally_ , instead of turning away when she’d needed Han most. She deserved the chance to succeed where her grandfather had failed, giving in to his compassion at the last moment. She would be stronger. She would prevail.

She felt the burning, beckoning demands of the Light, trying to stop her even now with it’s bone deep agony. This would end that pain, that pull, once and for all.

And then maybe they would finally be free.

She twisted the lightsaber into his - _no, no,_ she didn’t want to do this, she didn’t want to kill Han Solo, why was she turning it towards him, why was she switching it on, why was this happening? Why was she dreaming it like this? It was never this painful, never this real. She had to stop her hands from moving, she had to be stronger than this - she was _always_ stronger than this-

It was barely a thrust. The lightsaber switched on and slid into him, guided home without obstruction. Still, she shoved it further, hungry for the freedom his death would bring. She looked up at Han’s face for those last few seconds of his life, and memorized the look of utter betrayal.

She heard Kylo’s deep voice whispering _thank you_ , so close she felt the breath of it blow back against her own skin. And Han was dying, dying right there in front of her, but not dead yet.

Not dead yet.

She could hear herself screaming again. It felt so far away, it wouldn’t be loud enough to wake her up this time. The sound of her own voice coming from somewhere else terrified her, disassociating her, removing the safety net of knowing she was dreaming and knowing who she really was as it clutched their heart in a new, foreign struggle. 

Kylo wanted to be proud that Rey and the traitor had seen who he really was. There was no turning back now. This was his choice. Not Snoke’s. His.

He would be better, now. Everyone would see it. He would never have to feel anything, ever again.

He waited patiently for his humanity to die.

Han’s hand reached up - _still alive, still alive, there was still time, time to change everything, time to wait for the pain to stop_ \- and caressed his cheek. Old hands brushed against the tense skin of a clenched jaw, and suddenly Han’s expression changed. His eyes were widening. There was a warning, there. His father was warning him, with those eyes.

_Don’t let this destroy you._

The hand drifted off of his face as Han tilted sideways, and began to disappear. Smaller, smaller, smaller still.

Until he was gone.

Now was his moment. Now, Kylo waited for his father’s murder to strip away his pain and leave him pure and hollow. He waited to be cleansed by his actions, despite how desperately he wanted to fall to his knees and scream. He reached into himself, to scour away what was left;

_Ben._

He was dead. Han Solo was dead. Murdered, brutally, cruelly, by his only son. By _him_.

It all hit him in a rush, and he felt all of the air leave him as if everything inside of his body was slowly, methodically being crushed.

This wasn’t freedom. This was torture. This was _hell._

 _I’m sorry._ He whispered, to a mind so far away he almost hoped it wouldn’t reach her. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

A new, blessed pain alleviated him from the way his heart was turning to ash, and he crumpled down to his knee when the shot tore through him. The world was exploding with gunshots and fire around him, but he couldn’t hear any of it. No one seemed to understand that the world had _already_ collapsed, and there was nothing left to feel but pain, and hate.

He hated himself. He hated Han. He hated everything that still lived in this world, a world that no longer had his father in it.

And there they were, looking down on him as if they had any right to be. The traitor and the scavenger, still fighting for what was already dead and gone. He met their eyes, each in turn, and rose to his feet.

He hated them, most of all.

* * *

Waking up in the darkness was nothing new for Rey, but she’d never felt so disoriented after sleep than she did that particular morning. She stumbled, reaching out for clues to where she was, and her hand hit the corner of a desk with a sharp thud. She reached up and felt around it, already aware of where she was with just a touch. The question was - _why_?

This was the second time she’d woken up in her own bedroom, without any recollection of how she’d gotten there. The last thing she remembered was dinner, and everything after turned fuzzy and unreal. She thought she remembered curling up into Hux’s arms, which was ridiculous. Whatever she’d eaten that day must have given her a whole slew of weird dreams, if that and the more painful one were all she could really remember. 

She reached out with one hand, now that she knew where she was, and her fingers flicked at a lamp on the desk, until they found the switch that illuminated the room and blinded her eyes with light.

Her head felt like it was being punched in repeatedly, and when she groaned, even the sound of her own voice disturbed her with it’s volume.

Brandy, she suddenly remembered. Hux had given her alcohol. She should have known better.

Intuitively, she took stock of her state of dress and body. She was wearing exactly what she’d gone to dinner with, all the way down to her socks - but as soon as she realized what she was checking, she almost felt like chastising herself.

No, this was perfectly reasonable. She’d had dinner with two leaders of a ruthless organization. There was no reason for her to trust their moral judgment. 

And yet, she did. She’d been inebriated in their presence, and even now she felt absurd for considering the idea that either had taken advantage of that situation. Why? Why was she so sure? Why wasn’t she _more worried_ about this?

She crawled out of bed, barely managing consciousness as she dragged her way towards the refresher and hoped to find oblivion in the scorching hot shower waiting for her.

Instead, she found another memory. _Finn._ Finn was waking up today! She was going to get to talk to Finn! Finally!

She whooped in the shower, suddenly surging with renewed energy. _There_ was something to look forward to.

* * *

By the time she’d made it down to the medical quarters that held Finn, she was practically running. She skidded when she saw the slim back of General Hux waiting by the door for her, briefly recalling the way she’d slammed into him the last time she was running down this hall. She slowed, careful not to commit to a repeat performance.

“General!” She called out, wincing at the sound of her own voice. By the look on his face, he was similarly affected; and yet, he looked better than he had the day before. She guessed that meant he’d actually slept a full night, for once. She took credit for that, and her smile was a little manic with pride.

“Is he awake?” She asked, breathless from running.

He shook his head, and opened the door, holding it for her to enter. “Not yet.” He informed her. “I wanted to wait until you’ve arrived. It’s safer if yours is the first face he sees, wouldn’t you agree?”

Rey’s heart swelled with such grateful emotion, that she almost considered hugging the man on purpose. Hux must have been the smartest man she’d ever met, because he was always one step ahead of things. She merely nodded, shifting from one foot to another nervously.

“I’m here now.” She moved to Finn’s gurney, sliding carefully until she was seated on the edge, beside him. She reached out, and took his hand in hers. It was so cold, so limp. She rubbed both of her hands against it nervously.

“He’s going to be so angry with me.” She admitted, unable to wipe the smile off of her face. 

“He’s going to try and convince you that your plans to remain are foolish.” Hux amended, taking a step towards them, and stopping with hesitance afterward. “Furthermore, I suspect he won’t feel comfortable accepting our assistance with his extraction.” 

Her expression darkened, the excitement draining from it. When she looked up at Hux, she could see that he was caught between wanting to move closer, to say something more, and the better choice of keeping boundaries clear. This moment was for her and Finn, and he was trying to respect that.

She trusted him, she mused, quite suddenly. What a strange, unexpected thought.

“I’ll convince him.” She promised, giving the General a hopeful smile. “I’ll try.”

He met her eyes for a moment, and his lips pursed tightly with frustration. There was a long pause, before he snapped his head in a sharp nod, and turned to wave two fingers at the medical technician. The movement of the technician was enough to distract her, and her excitement returned to get her bouncing, waiting for the shot that would wake Finn up.

When it was done, she looked back to where Hux had been standing, and furrowed her brow when she realized he was gone.

The hand still caught between hers twitched, and she sucked her breath in through her teeth, turning to give Finn her full attention. He took his time coming to, and she couldn’t blame him; he’d been lying there for days. Everything was going to hurt at first.

His eyes fluttered open, and she leaned in, just to be sure that the first thing he saw was her face. She was grinning like a fool, her head bobbing just slightly, and she mouthed out the word _’hi’_.

It shouldn’t have surprised her, knowing Finn, that his first words were going to be unfounded worry over her. 

“You all right?” His voice sounded hoarse and scratchy; he hadn’t used it in too long.

Rey’s expression twisted with wry amusement, and she rolled her eyes. “Of course. Yeah. Worry about yourself. You’re the one who’s been out for days. Can you move?”

He tried, and she leaned down to try and help him sit up, which probably wasn’t a good idea. She couldn’t help herself; she wanted him to push, to be himself again as quickly as possible. She wanted him to be safe and whole and untouched. To be Finn again.

With her help, he managed to get up with a groan, and she tilted her head to look at his bare back. 

“Everything healed up really well!” She told him. “There’s a scar, but it’s really faint. Besides, scars are good. They make you look tough.”

Finn cleared the sleep out of his throat, and his face stretched into an affectionate smile. “Yeah? Do I look tough?” He lifted his hand to his head, and groaned. “I don’t feel tough.”

She tilted her head back and laughed, patting his shoulder in comfort. “Toughest guy I know.”

Finn would have pulled her into his arms sooner, if his arms could work properly. She knew that from the moment she saw him get up, and tilt in her direction. When he finally worked up the strength to do it, therefore, she wasn’t the least bit surprised. She laughed as his weak arms finally flung themselves around her, pulling her with their weight alone until she was squashed against his bare chest. She shifted to find some balance, and wrapped her arms around him with a firm grip. He groaned, and she immediately relented - he _looked_ healed, but she couldn’t see anything on the inside.

Still, Hux had promised..

“Does anything still hurt?” She asked him, trying to tilt her head up to look at him. She couldn’t see his face - he’d dropped his head to rest on her shoulder - but she could feel him shaking his head, silently letting her know that he was fine. She smiled, and tried to pull away, but he’d been telling the truth. He _was_ fine. He kept her in his embrace, until she started laughing and smacking his arms to free her.

“Where are we?”

He hadn’t freed her yet, but his question made her freeze in his arms. He must have had a chance to look around, and for all she knew this entire facility looked a bit too familiar.

She pulled away from him, and sat up to meet his eyes. Just as she’d expected, he was staring suspiciously at the technician still in the room, who was thankfully wearing nondescript scrubs over what she could only assume was a First Order uniform.

It was as if Finn could see the allegiance etched in that man’s tired face.

“It’s a very long story. Promise me you’ll listen to the whole thing before freaking out.” Rey tried to pick up his hands again, as if that could stop him from what was already happening.

“I’m already freaking out, Rey.” He warned her, his voice lowering with a tremble. His dark eyes focused hard on hers, and her heart leapt with fear. He looked like he wanted to run. “Tell me.”

She took a deep breath, and hoped for the best as it all came rushing out in a whirlwind of words. “Okay. So. I beat up Kylo Ren after he hurt you, but I didn’t kill him, and when the First Order picked him up they took us too. They saved your life - you were dying, Finn, really and truly dying - and they’ve been very kind to me so far and I _know_ that sounds impossible but I can assure you I know exactly what I’m doing so don’t you worry. I’ve already managed to convince them to let you go safely and - Finn, _Finn no_.”

As expected, Finn was hurling himself off of the gurney, trying to put pressure on his legs and get them to work properly. He’d all but pushed her off of him to do it, and she could hear the technician already preparing a sedative in case he tried to run. She glared daggers at the man before hopping off of the gurney and trying to push Finn back onto it.

“You stubborn idiot, will you just listen? There’s nowhere for you to run. You have to trust me. Why can’t you just _trust_ me?”

Finn stopped trying to stand, choosing instead to use what little energy he had to grab Rey in his arms and hold her in front of him. His eyes were wild, and she could see a lifetime of fear built up behind them. It was going to take so much more than trust to get Finn to see things the way she did.

“Are you _crazy_?” He whispered. “For real, Rey. This is no joke. We need to get out of here, right now, or we’re both dead. Okay?”

She ripped her arms away from him, and folded them firmly in front of her. His jaw dropped when she glared at him stubbornly, and answered him with a vicious note of defiance to her voice.

“I’m not going _anywhere._ ”

She’d silenced him. He kept opening and closing his mouth, unable to find the words for what he had to say, and she felt a pang of regret for being so sharp with him. He didn’t deserve this; not now, after just waking up.

She reached out her hand to press against his arm, and he pulled away, stinging her with his rejection.

She should have seen this coming.

“Are you going to listen to me talk, or should I just leave now?” She barked at him, her hands folding back up in front of her. Out of sheer spite, she almost wanted him to tell her to leave - but deep down, she knew she had to explain everything to him before he was gone.

Deep down, she wanted to spend as much time with him as she was being afforded. For all she knew, it was the last time someone would show her true, honest affection. She’d gone her entire life without it - just to have it all thrust at her so suddenly. Finn’s open heart, Leia’s comfort, BB-8’s loyalty. She wouldn’t regret knowing what real affection was like, even if she’d only been given a brief respite from her loneliness before purposefully shoving herself back into it’s dark, waiting embrace.

She climbed back onto the gurney, and reached out to grab his hands. He didn’t flinch, but she wouldn’t have stopped if he had. This time, she needed to hold them; whether he liked it, or not.

“You’ve seen what this war has done to people. Countless lives, planets, everything just gone. And not just on one side, either - Finn, if you hadn’t left the First Order, you could have been on Starkiller when it blew up. You might be dead. So many of those men and women are dead. Do you think the Resistance has the power to stop this? Because from where I’m standing, neither side does. Not if all they’re going to do is keep throwing bigger stones at one another in the hopes that one day it’ll be big enough to crush them all.”

His hands finally tightened around her hold, pulling her closer. “That’s exactly why we gotta leave. Rey, the Resistance needs us. We have to find a way out of here.”

She looked down at his hands. They were so strong, calloused and rough from a life spent learning how to be a soldier. Finn knew nothing else but that. He’d been trained to fight; and in his heart, the only answer left was to fight for what he thought was the right side.

But she didn’t want to fight at all. She wanted the fighting to stop.

She pulled his hands up to press against her stomach, and searched desperately for the right words to help him accept how different their lives had to be.

“I’ve already found your way out of here. In fact, I’m the reason you have one. I’ve got a ship taking you to neutral territory in a few days. It’s safe. I promise you. I can’t explain how I know, but I do.”

His hands pulled away, sliding out of her hold and dropping to his sides. When he spoke again, his voice was flat with disappointment. “My way out.” He repeated, his eyes narrowing. “Not our way.”

She nodded, her expression dimming with guilt.

“I’ve got a chance to stop this war from the inside. I’m going to take it, Finn. This is how I choose to fight.”

“With _them._ ” He practically spat out the words in disgust.

She frowned, her head shaking with disagreement. “I’m not _with_ them. I’m not joining the First Order. I’m going to try to be a bridge between them and the Resistance. Don’t you understand how important that is?”

“Sounds a hell of a lot like you’re joining the First Order to me.”

Rey strangled out a scream of frustration, and lifted one hand to pinch the skin of his arm so hard, it made him jerk and whine with dismay.

“I will _never_ join any side of a war. You need to learn how to trust me better. I haven’t made a bad decision yet.”

He lifted his finger, some of the sarcasm in his voice relieving her tense anxiety. “Rathtars.”

She pinched him again, and he growled a demand as he batted her hands away. _”Stop it!”_ He whined, flailing wildly. But soon enough his flailing turned to arms wrapping around her again, and suddenly she was crushed against his bare chest in another hug. This time, the feel of it - maybe not acceptance, maybe not understanding, but something deeper, more meaningful - made her eyes rim with tears.

It was a goodbye, and her arms flung around him, refusing to say goodbye so soon.

They still had time.

* * *

She was crying. Hux could see it glistening around the closed edges of her eyes, even from the distance the monitor feed afforded him. FN-2187 had hugged her multiple times at this point, and this time the boy had her in tears, with an expression that could even manage to tug at Hux’s long since cut heartstrings. His eyes narrowed, slit thin as he watched the exchange too carefully to just be monitoring for safety. It was all going about as dangerously as he’d expected it to. In fact, if FN-2187 had actually tried to flee, this all could have been easier.

But it was difficult to walk away from her. Nearly impossible. The boy knew it. Hux registered it all in the way FN-2187’s arms tensed and tightened, refusing to let her go.

And she cried, as if she was mourning a loss. Her expression twisted with a regret that might as well have been a blaster wound, it was so effective at causing pain.

He shut off the monitor, and pressed his fingers thoughtfully to his lips.

Affection. Friendship. She must have thought she was giving all of these things up with FN-2187, sending him back to the Resistance without her. She was offering herself up to her ideals as a noble sacrifice, but these would be the days where she would be reminded most of what she was losing for her choice.

Hux hummed quietly against his fingertips, and then rose from the monitor station, surging off with purpose to return to his duties in earnest.

There was much still left to do, before the real work began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is love? Baby don't hurt me.
> 
> Don't hurt me.
> 
> No more.
> 
> (Guys, I really do adore all the sweet comments you guys have left, please never stop, they give me life. I LOVE YOU GUYSSSS)
> 
> (KURESOTO GO CATCH UP ON CODEGA.)


	14. Chapter 14

Trying to get any sort of privacy in the medical bay was next to impossible. Rey had taken Finn out of there as soon as he could walk, and a pair of Stormtroopers who’d been stationed outside of the door immediately protested and began to follow them down the hall. Despite the temptation to simply coerce them into staying, Rey waited until they received official confirmation that she, alone, was allowed to let him tour the facility.

After all, where was he going to run?

Of course, as soon as they were free from prying eyes, Finn began to strategize how to run.

In the end, their conversation had peppered back and forth between her showing him around, and him trying to convince her that they could sneak down an air shaft together and find the docking bay, steal a ship, and leave. It wasn’t the most productive conversation; and by the time they’d reached Rey’s quarters, she felt exhausted.

She’d snapped at him, once or twice. By now, he’d gone quiet, so she just let him inside, and shut the door.

“And that’s it. The whole place. I could show you where I walk when I need to get out of here, but we’d need to get you some warm clothes and - _ugh._ ”

She’d finally had it with the scowl and pout on his features, and reached out to smush both of her hands against his face until she couldn’t see it anymore. “Please stop that. _Please._ ”

He reached up, pulled her hands off of his face, and kept them in his own hold. “What did you expect from me? That I’m just going to go belly up and let you stay here with them while I leave? Is that it? You think I’m that kind of guy? Because I gotta tell you Rey, that’s not who I am.”

She looked down at her hands, which had disappeared into his, and heard her own voice telling him to _stop it_ in an echo of the past. Now, she said nothing. She wouldn’t have the chance to let him hold her hands for much longer.

“You don’t get a choice in this.” She told him, keeping her voice as soft as possible to downplay the blow of her determination. “This is what I want to do. You can’t tell me otherwise. Besides, it’s not forever. If I can change things from here, there won’t even be a need for a Resistance. And then - “

His hands tightened, and she felt a surge of anger in that pressure. “And then what, Rey? We all come join the First Order with you? Is that where you think this is heading? I put on that Stormtrooper outfit again? Poe flies for the Order? Leia in one of their uniforms? Is that what you want for all of us?”

She tugged, hard, pulling her hands away. “I don’t want anything but safety for everyone.” She uttered, her voice turning sharp with her own righteous anger. “I’m not the one who’s trying to tell you how to live your life. Now stop trying to tell me how to live mine!”

She wondered if it had been a mistake, waking him up so early. She’d been so sure that this was the right thing to do, but she was just hurting him with every word, and hurting herself in the process. But she’d wanted to hear his voice, so very badly. His voice, but not these words.

She could tell he’d seen something dangerous in the way she pulled away, because his hands were held up in defeat as he crept closer. “Hey, okay. No telling you how to live. I got it. That’s not what I’m trying to do. Let’s just think things through, okay? No big deal. Come here.”

His hands were outstretched now, and she wondered just how wild and unstable she must have looked for him to act like that. She sighed out her frustration, and walked towards him, pointedly ignoring his hands. Instead, she walked past him, and sat down on her bed. Suddenly, she wished she had a sitting room like Hux. Damn him for taking the nicest room for himself.

Finn dropped down on the bed beside her, so hard it made her bounce. He leaned his head on her shoulder and looked up at her with the most ridiculous, over-dramatic remorse he could muster, and she snorted at it, shoving her hand against his face. “Get off.”

Still, he knew how to break the tension; even if it was only for a little while.

“All right. We’re gonna talk about this. You tell me what the plan is, and I’m gonna listen.” His eyebrows rose, before continuing. “Got that? Because then I get to talk. And you listen.”

He made it sound so easy. She knew better.

“You first. What’s the plan, Rey?”

Immediately, her hesitation turned to frustration. She didn’t feel the need to explain her plan to him, as though he was her keeper. And what if she didn’t have every detail figured out already? Would he try to talk her out of it just because she was taking things one step at a time? 

Probably. Just to get his way.

“Not that I need to explain myself to you,” She reminded him sharply, despite the sting of hurt that flickered across his face. “But my plan is to get you safely back where you want to be, and then learn everything I can about the First Order. Once I feel like I understand their mission objectives, I can try to find a reasonable bridge between their goals and the freedom the Resistance is so desperately fighting for. They’re going to let me do that, Finn. Can you even imagine? I don’t know why I’ve been given this chance, but you have to see - if I don’t try, I’ll never forgive myself.”

For one glorious moment, Finn actually looked like he wasn’t completely sure of his opinion. She thought that perhaps she’d gotten through to him, and it thrilled her to the core. Then, the expression turned dark, and she cringed away from it. Whatever had gone through his mind in that moment was killing any hope she had of making him understand.

“They.” He grumbled. “Who’s they again?”

She took in a sharp breath. This was going to be the hard part.

“General Hux.” The easier of the two came first, and her eyes flickered away for a moment, unable to look at him when she said it. “And begrudgingly, Kylo Ren.”

”I want to yell at you _so bad_ right now, but the look on your face is telling me that you already know how dumb that sounds.” She loathed the judgement in his voice, and her eyes returned to his, narrowing. The only experience he’d had with Kylo Ren had discolored any chance of salvation. And a week ago, Rey would have been right there with him.

She wondered if she still was.

“Kylo Ren is a murderer. I will never, _ever_ forget what he’s done. That doesn’t change the fact that he is the power behind the First Order, and he’s willing to let me try to end this war without any more death. If anything, he’s why I have to be here. Why this is the side I’m needed on. This is where I can stop him, Finn. Where I can stop all of them from this destructive path they’re on.”

The dull pain of her hangover throbbed at her temples, as her words reminded her of a moment from the night before. It was hazy, hard to catch. She couldn’t see much; the First Order insignia, pressed against her face, until it was gone, and Hux’s arm wrapped itself around her.

_Don’t ever think about doing anything like that again, or else I’ll kill you. You too, Kylo. I’m here now._

_No more of this._

_I’m here now._

Even as drunk as she was, she realized she’d meant every word.

“Rey?”

Finn’s voice snapped her out of her reverie, and she blinked, coming back to his attention. He was staring at her curiously, with a look so unreadable and foreign it startled her. She lifted her eyebrows and lowered her head, in a gesture of confusion.

“What?”

Too sharp, she told herself. She’d sliced through whatever that look was, and Finn was back to being frustrated and unsure.

“It shouldn’t have to be you.” He muttered, the pout on his lips too thick for her to take seriously. “Why’s it gotta be you saving the world all the time? Let someone else do it for a while. General Organa could come do this bridge thing you’re talking about. She’s his mother, for crying out loud. What’s he going to do, kill her too?”

Rey lifted one eyebrow, refusing to answer an obvious question.

“Yeah, well,” Finn quickly continued. “Better her than you.”

“FINN!” Rey cried out, slapping his shoulder hard. He yelped and held his arm, but when she waited for him to retract his words, she was left in silence.

Heavy, uncomfortable silence.

“The Resistance would crumble without General Organa’s lead.” Rey reminded him, unable to believe that she even had to explain it. “But I’m no one. It has to be me.”

Finn snapped his head to look up at her, his expression colored with something she couldn’t read. It might have been anger, if his voice wasn’t so tender when he spoke. 

“You’re not no one to me.”

She knew that choosing to stay with the First Order was a decision that was going to be tested, and made more difficult, with Finn’s awakening. But with those earnest words, he made it nearly impossible.

“That’s very selfish of you, Finn.” She told him, through a grin that grew with each word, betraying how she actually felt. “You can’t ask me to come back to the Resistance and abandon all of this just because you’d miss having me around.”

He looked - scared. That was the word. That was what she was missing - what she’d never really seen, she supposed. He looked terrified. Of what? Of losing her? Of having to face everyone without her? Of being alone?

She could understand the last one.

“Can’t I?” He whispered, his tone wiping the smile off of her face. Realization dawned on her until she was the scared one, because it had taken her this long to realize he’d been leaning in close, and trying to find the nerve to do something.

He’d found it.

Finn’s lips were full, and soft, and made her feel like her own lips were lost in them - just like the way she felt when he wrapped her up in one of his big, affectionate hugs. It was the gentlest thing she’d ever felt, and she tried to emulate the purse of his lips, awkwardly unable to move them very much other than that.

All in all, she thought her first kiss was very warm, and sweet, and she knew she was doing it all wrong - but then she realized he was probably just as insecure about it, and felt a little bit of relief for that.

Then, she felt a sudden rising flare of anger, growing first from her chest and blossoming through her entire body. It felt distant, and she knew instantly that it wasn’t hers - but she _did_ feel her own anger surface when she guessed why she was suddenly experiencing the onset of another person’s rage. She used every ounce of her training to shut Kylo out of her mind with a hard and _forceful_ snap of her block.

Her brutal blocking had probably hurt him. _Good._

She didn’t know how long kisses were supposed to last, so she lingered, testing her feelings on the matter until Finn pulled away on his own. When he did, his skin was darker than usual around the cheeks, glowing with embarrassment.

She bit her lip, and felt a very awkward conversation coming on.

“Um.” He breathed out, and just the sound of his voice made her giggle. It broke his concentration, and his face twisted as he punched her lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t laugh. That’s terrible. I just kissed you, and you’re laughing.”

By the time he was done talking, he was laughing, too.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, reaching up to rest her hand on the back of his head while her forehead pressed against his. “I’ve just never done anything like that before. Sorry.” She couldn’t help but repeat the word; she knew she was sorry for more than just laughing.

By the look in his eyes, he knew, too.

“Come back with me, Rey.” He breathed out, reaching out to press one hand against her cheek. Her smile faded, and she tried to find the words to explain why that couldn’t happen. In the end, she decided that he deserved better than some vague, over-arching excuse. Finn was the closest friend she’d ever had in her entire life. And she was hurting him, she knew it now.

“I can’t.” She sighed, forcing her eyes to stay on his. “But even if I could, Finn. I don’t think-”

His hand left her cheek, and pressed itself fully against her lips. He stopped her from finishing her sentence, but the way his expression crumbled told her she didn’t need to finish. He knew.

“Well I think you’re making a huge mistake.” He was trying to keep some biting wit in that voice of his, but she could feel the hurt behind his facade. “I don’t know if you’ve heard but, I’m kind of a big deal.”

“I will hit you.”

His expression turned immediately overly apologetic. “Please don’t. You hit really hard. I’ve still got bruises.”

This time, her laughter felt like a long awaited relief, and she dragged him back into a hug. She was wrong; waking him up had been the right thing to do, after all. They’d needed this. The both of them.

Her life was about to get extremely difficult. So she decided, then and there, that she would make her next few days memorable enough to keep her sane through it all.

* * *

Kylo Ren had been pacing a path through the cold floor of Hux’s office, back and forth across the room. Hux had been surprised to see him so soon after last night, but when he’d stormed into the room screaming the words _HE’S KISSED HER_ with his hands up in the air, Hux rubbed his temples to soothe the throbbing pain and gave his holopad a tired stare.

“Captain, please excuse me for a moment. Some wild beast has gotten loose in my office. I’ll hail you when it’s been dealt with.”

He saw no reaction from Phasma, with a helmet easily hiding her amusement, but he knew the woman well enough to know she was fighting off a smile.

“As you wish, General.” There it was, that lilt of amusement in an otherwise professional voice. One side of his lips turned up knowingly, and he nodded at the holographic image of her before shutting it down. Then, and only then, did he turn to the pacing man in front of him, and folded his hands under his neck.

He’s kissed her, Kylo had said.

The lift of Hux’s lips dipped back down into a frown.

“We’ll ignore how unprofessional that display was, for the time being, to focus on the important matter at hand.” He hissed out in annoyance. “He’s kissed her. Can I assume you’re speaking of our two guests, or is this the newest twist in your favorite novella?”

He would have expected a biting retort at his insinuation. Instead, Ren kept pacing, and that just made Hux more nervous.

“What were you _thinking_?”

Ren finally stopped, moving to stand in front of the desk. He leaned in, pressing his palms flat on the durasteel finish, and bared his teeth in open rage. Hux faced the boiling temper of a monster with a tremendously collected demeanor; he’d even managed to look a little bored at the display Ren was putting on for him.

“When?”

 _“WHEN YOU SET HIM FREE.”_ Even as a non-Force-sensitive, Hux could feel the power blowing forward against him, like a hot blast of wind that stemmed directly from Ren’s leaning body. It was the first time he’d seen the man this enraged - but he knew it was not the first time Ren had exhibited it. 

Mitaka had been slotted for two days leave for having to deal with a similar situation, not so long ago.

“I’ve already explained my intentions to you with enough detail. If you don’t understand why that move was important, then you’ve got a shit memory. I’ll blame it on the brandy.”

He blamed everything on the brandy, at this point.

“If you’re so sure about your little game, then why aren’t you _doing something about this._ ” Ren continued to seethe, unable to control himself. 

“ _Do_ something?” Even Hux couldn’t keep his temper in check this long - not with this much fury bearing down on him, burning him until he could feel it scorching his bones. “What do you propose I do, exactly? _Ground her?_ ”

He’d gotten up out of his chair, now. He couldn’t exactly recall when he’d done so.

“You’re the one who claims to know what he’s doing.” Ren spat back out at him. “If you ignore this, you know what’s going to happen. He’s going to convince her to return with him. All your best laid plans are about to go up in smoke, General. We’re going to _lose her._ ”

Hux knew that the outburst had been directed towards FN-2187’s unique ability to change Rey’s mind and leave the base. What he didn’t know, however, was why Ren’s voice hitched at those last words; and why they hurt more than frightened him.

Because it really was that simple, he thought. Ren was right; all his carefully set pieces could fall with the snap of FN-2187’s fingers, because he had what neither of them did not.

Her compassion.

He sat back down hard on his chair, and rubbed his thumbnail thoughtfully against his lip. What tools did he have at his disposal to try and fight against a power as overwhelming as that? He couldn’t use Ren - not with that temper of his, and definitely not now. He’d just scare the girl away on his own.

He was at a loss. Possibly for the first - no, second time in his life.

He wasn’t sure he had it in him to try and re-embark in a new direction all over again.

“Give me time to think.” He demanded, his eyes trained on the desk as his mind began to work. He flickered his eyes up to the man when Ren began to pace again. “How did you know they - nevermind that. What more do you know? What was the outcome?”

Ren stopped pacing, staring angrily at the wall in front of him. His hands pulled back, held behind him. “I don’t know.” He grumbled, extremely put out. “She blocked me off.”

Hux felt his stomach unpleasantly flop.

The last thing he wanted to do was show Ren that there were cameras in every room, but Hux’s priorities were shifting at an alarming rate. His fingers flew against his holopad, calling up the security feed to Rey’s quarters. Immediately, he realized there was no one there.

He let out a sigh of relief. It was short lived.

The knock at his door had him startled enough to throw his holopad up an inch in the air, and he scrambled to try and catch it again. He shut it off just in time for the door to open, revealing not one, but both of the people they’d just been talking about. His heart was stuttering painfully in his chest - this was a just a tad too much excitement for him.

“Rey. Please come in.”

Ren had moved behind the door, where they couldn’t see him yet - and Hux was vaguely disturbed by how well Rey had blocked him off. Ren hadn’t even realized they were coming.

She was a little too good at that.

“Sorry for interrupting, General. I had a favor I wanted to ask you, if that’s okay? We were going to go for a walk, but Finn needs to be fitted with a coat first. I didn’t know if I should just go down there and..”

Her voice faded, and Hux watched with helpless amusement as she felt the presence behind the door she was holding. She led Finn inside of the room, and closed the door - facing Ren fully as she did so.

“I’m mad at you.”

Hux bit away a smile at the coarse manner Rey started a conversation.

“Mad at me? Why?” And of course, Ren’s voice was already getting too loud, too angry. They were going to get heated before they’d even gotten to the point.

“I’ll send the approval down for his clothing, Rey.” Hux piped up, quick to defuse the moment. He tapped at his screen, glancing up from it once it was done to settle on Finn with a chilly gaze. “Our system still has his measurements. They’ll be ready by the time you get down there.” 

Finn was looking anywhere but Hux. That was reassuring, for some reason.

“You’re letting them outside.” Ren’s low, dangerous voice rumbled out. Hux wanted to get up and slap the man, but he knew that would serve no purpose other than his own satisfaction. Rey whirled around at the comment, but Hux was too quick even for her.

“Of course I am. I trust Rey. Observe. Rey, promise me you won’t run off and abandon us without at least saying goodbye first.” He stood up, and held out his hand towards her, palm extended upwards.

Now, Finn was looking at him. In fact, both men had their eyes on Hux at the moment, and he felt a confident surge of defiance for it. But it was only when Rey walked away from her spot between Ren and Finn, to stand in front of his desk and take his hand, that he knew he actually felt any measure of comfort concerning the situation at all.

She was smiling at him. He took her hand, turned it knuckles upward, and waited.

“I promise.” She chuckled out, and he lifted her knuckles to press against his lips.

As much as he wished to let that triumphant moment linger, a new tension was building behind her that took his attention away. He dropped her hand, and nudged his chin towards it - Ren and Finn had locked eyes, and from the looks of things they were suddenly being reminded of the last time they’d met.

One wrong step, and Hux was sure he would hear the hum of a lightsaber.

Rey picked up on it easily. She swiveled to take Finn out of there, stopping in front of Ren just long enough to point a finger up at him.

“Don’t be so nosy.” She commanded, her bravado impressive and reckless at the same time. She waited a moment too long, her eyebrows arching for emphasis, and to Hux’s surprise she’d actually managed to force Ren to look away. It was moments like those, watching Ren cave to her strength, that gave Hux just a little more hope for what was to come.

Then she reached out, and patted Ren’s shoulder, and Hux dropped his jaw.

Before anyone could comment (although Hux could have sworn he heard Finn breathing out a shocked _what the f.._ ) Rey pulled Finn out of the room by the elbow, making her way down to the quartermaster’s office.

Ren pushed the door closed with one hand, and glared at it for a moment too long, before finally turning back to Hux. When he saw the expression on Hux’s face, Ren frowned.

“What?”

Hux sat back in his chair, smugness radiating from every part of him. “And you were worried.”

Oblivious to what Hux was referring to, Ren surged forward, and that uncomfortable anger returned. “Aren’t you? Now you’re letting them out to go on walks together, so he can convince her in private that the First Order is irredeemable and the only way to bring peace is to fight us. You’re signing our death warrants with your flippant behavior and your petty little attempts to flirt. I’ve had ENOUGH of your incompetence. The traitor should have been killed long ago. If you don’t have the stomach to do it, I will.”

“Hm.” Hux took several seconds to watch Ren work himself up into a frenzy. He considered what he’d learned about the man, and what he was learning from his interactions with Rey. He tapped his fingernails against his desk, once, twice, three times.

And then he rose, silent and brooding, to walk around his desk.

“This was a long time coming.” Hux murmured, more to himself than anything. When he reached Ren, he stood up straight, meeting eye to eye with the man who was still hunched over with impassioned fury. He collected himself, digging deep for whatever well of strength he had stored up within him, and then he began.

His hands were on Ren, slamming down against each shoulder and pushing hard enough to stumble the man backwards until he slammed into a wall. Hux pinned him down there, his cold eyes shining with ruthlessness.

“I’ve had enough of your ranting. Your raving. Your lunacy. If I have to fucking listen to you screaming in my face one more time, I will take that lightsaber of yours and slice it RIGHT across your throat. ENOUGH, REN. _CONTROL YOURSELF._ ”

It was working, in a sense. Ren had gone silent, but Hux could still see that rage simmering behind widened eyes, waiting to surge up one more time. It wouldn’t be that easy, he thought. Nothing worthwhile ever was.

He grabbed Ren by the arm, flipped him until his face was pressed against the wall, and twisted his arm up behind his back. He could feel every one of Ren’s overworked muscles straining against his hold. He had to be strong enough to buck him off at any time. Hux’s hold was effectively pinching the correct stress points, but deep down, he knew Ren’s compliance was mainly due to shock.

He brought his face up beside the one pressing against the wall, and hissed very sternly in his ear.

“You will not kill the traitor. You will not antagonize them while he’s here. You will find control. Or I will find it _for you._ ”

Ren shuddered underneath his hold, but otherwise remained silent.

“Say it.”

“No.” Ren clipped out.

Hux pulled the arm up higher, forcing a groan of pain out from Ren’s throat. He repeated the demand, hissing it out through clenched teeth.

_”Say it.”_

He should be dead right now, he distantly thought. Ren should have thrown himself off and snapped his neck.

But he was learning something new every day.

“I won’t kill him.” The words sounded like they cut as sharp as glass against Ren’s throat.

“And?”

“Or antagonize them.” Hux could hear Ren’s patience snapping. Any minute now, this little charade would end.

_”And?”_

That moment came, as Hux was thrown quite suddenly across the room without ever being touched. His head slammed against the wall, blacking out his vision for a good second. He slid down to the ground, his hand reaching up to feel behind him. There was no blood.

The light of the room blotted out around him. Ren’s body cast him in darkness, as he hovered over the fallen General. Ren knelt down, leaning in like some predatory animal preparing to feast on it’s captured prey.

“And if you ever dare touch me like that again, I will kill you.” Ren whispered, his eyes flashing a vibrant gold before they flickered back to brown. Hux had gone too far with his little experiment, but overall it had been a success. And perhaps, as he thoughtlessly leaned in and matched Ren’s glare with one of his own, he accepted that he’d pushed too far because he’d liked it just a little too much.

“I seem to get a lot of death threats lately.” Hux whispered up at him, his lips pursed in a smirk. “But if I have to go, that sounds like the better choice.”

To his credit, Ren didn’t even flinch. If Hux wasn’t clever enough to catch the way the man had just swallowed, he would have no reason to think his words had any effect.

Ren was swirling away, thudding against the ground in his typical dramatic gait as he stormed out of the room in a huff.

Yes, Hux mused to himself, as he lifted both hands and ran them through his mussed hair. He was learning something new every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Finn who deserves everything in life, including closure.
> 
> SORRY THIS WAS ALMOST A DAY LATE, it was done last night but I didn't feel confident about it so I wanted to give it fresh eyes before finally giving up and throwing it to the wind. Anyway hope you enjoy, my beautiful reylux fam, even though I gave Finn her first kiss x) Sorry Hux, you can't have -all- of the firsts.


	15. Chapter 15

“It’s real cramped in here, you know?” Finn pointed out, still only halfway into the nook Rey’d once found for herself on her first trip out. She was curled up comfortably all the way inside of it, but he could only manage to get his upper half in, constantly ducking to try and keep his head from hitting the low ceiling. He looked all sorts of uncomfortable, and Rey tried very hard not to laugh.

“Just give me a moment.” She called out, wrapping the tiny bag around the plant that had already begun to flourish again in her absence. She was taking a small cutting this time, in the hopes that she could keep a little something of her time on this planet even after they’d all left. Finn was reaching out for the plant with his gloved hands, and Rey had to slap him away.

“Don’t touch it. It’s poisonous. You touch it, and then scratch an itch on your face, and you’ll be dead in minutes.” The piece was plucked off cleanly, even as Finn pulled his hand away in disgust.

“If it’s so dangerous, why are you trying to take a piece of - hoooo. Rey. _Rey._ Is this what I think it is?” She lifted her gaze to look at him, carefully reading the sudden excitement in his wide grin and big brown eyes. She searched for an explanation in that thrilled expression of his.

“You’re gonna poison them. Right? Is that why you’re staying?”

“Finn.” His name escaped her in a sigh that transformed with the exhale of her breath, and by the end of it she was growling and practically screeching into the air. “Will you stop it already? I’m not trying to kill them! I _am_ going to work with them. I thought by now you’d have figured that out. I don’t want to spend these last few days together arguing over that.”

She sealed the bag shut, and pushed on his head to shoo him out of the nook. He shimmied backwards, until he was free of the cramped space.

“Look. I’m sorry. Okay? This is just really hard for me to process. And I still don’t like it - I don’t like the idea of leaving you with them. I know, I know - “ His hands lifted into the air when she climbed out of the alcove with a sharp inhale, preparing to fight. “It’s not my call. I heard you the first fifty times. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Rey swallowed the sharp words that had already started to bubble out of her, and nodded her head swiftly. “Agreed. Come on, it’s getting colder, we should head back.”

She turned, and a blast of cold air blew into her face, kissing her skin with the mix of frigid air and tiny speckles of moisture. She realized, a little belatedly, that it was snowing.

She’d only been in the snow once before. It was not a pleasant memory.

“Huh.” She could hear Finn behind her, reaching up and holding his hands out into the air. “It’s kind of pretty when you aren’t fighting someone to the death in it.”

She elbowed him in the stomach, smiling at the sound of him groaning with distress.

The slide down the mountain was faster - and more dangerous - than usual. She could feel the slickness under her boots, refusing to let her stand. So they shimmied down the whole way, eventually sliding to the bottom in an abrupt, painful thump against their rears. Finn was scowling, but Rey laughed up into the white sky, as it opened up for them and flung flurries of snowflakes down in sheets.

“This is much worse than on Starkiller!” Rey called out over the howl of the winds, as she trudged forward towards what she only guessed was the base due to where they’d come from. She couldn’t see it anymore in the storm.

She heard Finn calling out behind her, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Everything was too loud, the sound of whipping air whistling right against her ears. She turned around to try and wait for him, but when she looked behind her, she realized that she couldn’t see him anymore, either.

She screamed out his name, and it was snatched up by the wind before even she could hear it.

Oh, no. 

It was even more difficult to walk against the wind, but Finn had to be somewhere in this direction. She couldn’t see her mountainside anymore, or the ridge that she used to keep herself from getting lost. She cupped her hands and screamed Finn’s name, over and over, until her voice cracked in a sob.

“Finn, please.” She shuddered out, wrapping her arms up around herself.

She’d lost him in this storm. If she could just find him, she’d take them back to her alcove and wait it out there. But there was no sign of him - no sign of her alcove - no sign of the base.

She’d lost herself, as well.

In a vain, desperate move, she closed her eyes and pinched her expression with concentration. He was the only living thing nearby, she told herself. She could find him, if she just concentrated hard enough. She’d never done it before - the only presence she’d ever managed to feel was Kylo’s, and she knew that wasn’t necessarily her power that managed that. But she could do this, she told herself. She pushed, as hard as she could, and tried to feel out around her for any flickers of life.

She couldn’t feel her lips anymore. Her teeth were chattering, and her steps had slowed, each of them just a little harder than the next. She felt something, and turned her head towards the sudden warmth that sprang up from the Force, but it wasn’t Finn. She knew it the moment she’d felt it.

It wasn’t Finn, but it was something.

Her eyes rolled, fluttering closed when Kylo’s large arms wrapped around her, pulling her up off of her feet and pressing her hard against his thickly covered chest.

“Finn.” She whispered into his coat, but he was already moving, heading somewhere she couldn’t see. If he left Finn out there in the cold, she would never forgive him. He had to know that. He just had to.

One of his arms left her, grabbing for something. She heard the startled sound of Finn screaming for him to get off, and she shuddered a long sigh of relief out against him. Her body unclenched itself, curling up into a tight ball as he carried her against him in one arm, and dragged Finn out of the storm with another.

Finn’s outburst had quieted down. She heard the soft hiss of the base door opening, and suddenly they were out of the cold. Warm air rushed against her cheeks, until they burned red and hot. She pulled her gloves off one by one, dropping them somewhere unseen against her, and pressed her cold fingers against her over-heated, oversensitive cheeks.

It felt so good.

“Is she all right?” Finn whispered, but all she knew of a response was the soft shift of the man still holding her, as he continued to carry her through the halls.

“I’m fine, Finn.” She sighed out, turning her head and waving one exposed hand at him. “Still cold. But fine. We were only out there for a few minutes, but it got rough so fast. I’ve never been out there in a storm, though. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I officially hate snow though.”

She giggled, even as she turned back into the warmth emanating from the thick coat of the man who still held her. “I’d be willing to give it one more shot.”

“Please don’t.” It was the first thing he’d said since he’d found her, and Rey finally looked up at Kylo when she heard it. He’d rescued her, but she’d gone out of her way to ignore whose arms were keeping her safe, and whose Force capabilities had just found her in a storm. She hated him a little, for being able to do it so easily when she’d failed spectacularly on her first try.

He flickered a glance down at her when she thought that, and she could have sworn the gentlest smile was fighting to lift the corner of his lips.

Bastard.

“Thank you.” She whispered up at him, still grateful even if she was fighting off the urge to be angry at him. His eyes met hers a second time, and she saw something so soft in them, so _human_ , it scared her.

“You’re welcome.”

“I guess we’re even, now.” Finn grumbled out, breaking the quiet hush of their voices with his own. “You tried to kill me once, you saved me once, let’s just leave it at that.”

Rey knew that was as good of a thanks as Kylo was ever going to get from him. By the look on Kylo’s face, he knew as well.

This was as good as it was going to get.

* * *

Only a handful of hours had passed before Rey became restless. The moment she knew she _couldn’t_ go outside was the moment she craved it more than anything. She was wrapped in a warm blanket, sipping a steaming cup of caf, and staring out of the glass exit doors with a look of utter longing; the storm had stopped, though there was no way to know for how long. 

And the world, one she still didn’t know the name of, was covered in a thick and gentle blanket of white. Eddies and hills of it swept up and down across the expanse, hiding all of the white rocks below it.

She was still cold from getting caught in the storm hours ago, but that didn’t stop her from wanting another crack at it.

Finn was trying his best not to look outside, but she knew his furtive glances were betraying his interest. They should have probably hated the snow by now, with what they’d been through. They should be treating that thick white fluff as something to be avoided, or at the very least ignored.

Finn looked up at her, and when his bright eyes matched hers in its sense of mischief, she knew they were both thinking the same thing.

_Snowfights._

She almost spilled the remainder of her tea as she tore back towards her room to go bundle herself back up in all those layers she’d peeled off before, and heard Finn’s stumbling bootfalls thundering behind her. She wondered if he’d ever imagined he’d be racing someone through the halls of a First Order base, bubbling with laughter and light-hearted emotion.

No, probably not.

“What was your childhood like?” She asked him out of the blue once they’d gotten inside of her room and begun to dress in a hurry. She was zipping up her thick jacket when she’d asked, and she pulled her gloves out of its pocket. 

He stilled, his arm half-slung through the coat he was sliding on over Poe’s ruined jacket. She felt a stab of guilt for asking such a personal question so abruptly, and once her gloves were on she moved up to grab his coat and pull it all the way through his arm for him. 

“You don’t have to answer that.” She assured him as she zipped his coat up to the neck. “I don’t mean to pry.”

But she did. She meant to pry very much, because Finn was her best friend, and she only had days left with him. Her hands patted the closed zipper, and stayed there, as she kept her eyes focused on it.

“Nah, it’s all right.” He managed, his voice a low grumble of defeat. “I just don’t remember it. I know they took me when I was real little, so I was raised by the First Order. That’s all I know. I don’t even remember what the first few years were like. Reconditioning messes with your head a lot. Jumbles up your memories until you’re not really sure what’s real and what’s fake.”

“Reconditioning?” Rey parroted back innocently, her curiosity coloring the question. What she received, instead of an immediate answer, was an unfamiliar steely glare boring into her from the man she thought she knew. For a second, she saw the soldier within, trained from near birth just to be able to kill without remorse and obey every command. She saw him there, resurfacing for the first time since he’d left the First Order.

“Ask your two new friends about it the next time you get all chummy with them.” Finn whispered, his voice flavored thick with spite. He left her, walking out of the room with hurried stomps, and she swiveled around to watch him go.

Pushing him on the subject would only upset him further. She shouldn’t have brought up childhood at all; but she’d wanted to know, so badly.

“I will.” She promised him, calling out to his back. She followed behind him, bumping her shoulder against him once she’d caught up.

“Hey.” She whispered, moving to his side. “I’m sorry. Okay?”

He looked sullen and dejected, but it was a far cry from that anger she’d seen in him before, and she thought it a vast improvement. After all, sad was an emotion she could work with. She would throw enough snow on him to trick him into forgetting she’d ever asked anything so personal. 

He nodded, and his shoulders already started to rise when he lifted his head to the exit doors and stopped. Rey continued walking until she followed his gaze, and stiffened as she came to a halt a few steps away from Kylo Ren.

He was still in his winter coat, and Rey stifled down the first betraying thought she would immediately regret. It was unfair that anyone, let alone someone as cruel as Kylo Ren, could somehow manage to fill out the winter coats in a way that still looked aesthetically pleasing. Whenever she looked at herself all bundled up in the coat, she just knew she looked like an apple lodged on a stick.

“Please,” The word still sounded so foreign to Rey whenever Kylo said it - as if it physically hurt him to be so polite. “Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.”

Rey felt every single one of her hackles rise at his words, even when she wasn’t sure exactly what he was referring to. She moved closer, standing up on her tiptoes just to feel taller, and stood her ground. “And just what do you think this looks like?” She asked him, her voice audibly shaking with impending rage. 

He must have heard it, because what came next was the most outrageously cautious attempt at diplomacy Rey had ever heard from him, and it would send a shiver of cold all the way through her to listen to every word.

“I am here,” He whispered, his eyes glaring angrily at his own gloved fingertips. “To request. That the two of you. _Not_ go back outside into the snow again. There’s no guarantee the storm won’t return, and it’s not safe.”

Rey dropped off of her tiptoes, and leaned back on her heels. She had no idea if Finn, or even Kylo himself, understood how momentous the words were. This was not a command. She still didn’t believe that his intentions were entirely pure, but she’d never seen Kylo _try_ so hard before, and it had done its intended job. It shut down her anger - no, it shut her down, almost completely.

She was speechless.

“We’re not going far.” Finn piped up, less affected by Kylo’s attempt than Rey was. “Just outside the doors. Even if the storm did come back, we can just hop back inside.”

He tugged on Rey’s sleeve, tilting her off balance, but she was still staring open mouthed up at Kylo when she stumbled from the pull. It snapped her out of her reverie, and she shook her head before nodding. “No. Yeah. Finn’s telling the truth. We’re just going to go play.”

Finally, Kylo looked up at her. His expression was far more familiar this time - utter, loathsome disgust.

There he was.

 _”Play?”_ He growled out sarcastically. 

With a sigh of relief, she felt their relationship fall quickly back into place. This was more familiar. This, she could handle. She moved past him to exit the doors with Finn, and shrugged noncommittally. “Yes. Play. Have fun. Enjoy ourselves. You should try it sometime.”

“If he ever pulls that bug out of his ass.” Finn grumbled low under his breath, confident the man couldn’t hear him. 

He could.

“I do not-” Kylo started to argue, but they’d already left the doors, which were slowly closing in front of him. His fists opened and closed, clenching in pulses of anger, before he slid through the narrowing gap, and trudging in full stomp out into the snow.

Rey never would have guessed he’d actually follow them. She already felt like the day had become surreal, from the moment she’d curled up in his arms. Every part of her had reacted to the heat, demanding she put away her opinions just long enough to feel it permeate to her bones. When he finally put her down and left her with Finn, she felt warm, and safe, and cared for.

Trying to resolve that those were feelings caused by a murderer had taken her a long time, and several cups of caf. She still hadn’t shaken the dread from it all, but seeing him try so hard at the doorway had just managed to trigger the tense, strange apprehension all over again.

And then he was there, a stark swath of black cutting jagged lines against the soft hills of white behind him, and she didn’t know if she had it in her to play in the snow after all. Not with that damn enigma of a man watching her, arms folded in tight composure, like some kind of -

“We don’t need a babysitter.” Finn called out, finishing her thought for her. She breathed out, trying to shake off the anxiety in order to bend down into the snow. It was three feet thick, and as soon as she’d knelt into it, almost everything around her disappeared.

It was so quiet. Every sound felt muted and muffled. She heard Finn crunching around nearby but nothing about it sounded real, as if only half of every sound was reaching her. She grinned, and rose her hands up at either side. With the ease of a trustfall, Rey fell backwards into the soft snow, and it padded her fall until she was completely surrounded by it. It felt so good, so gentle, and yet so all-consuming, like the soft brush of a hug from a ghost.

The sky was grey and thick above her, until it was blocked out by Kylo’s face, bending forward awkwardly to stare down at her upside down. He looked so out of place there, surrounded by so much light. His hair fell in waves around his features, all of which were twisted with doubt.

It wasn’t so much the fact that he didn’t want to enjoy himself, Rey realized. She read it in his expression - it was the honest truth that he couldn’t. He just. Couldn’t.

She frowned up at him, but from his position, it probably looked like a smile.

“Aren’t you going to tell me I’m going to freeze to death down here?” She asked him, waiting for him to do more than just stare at her. 

“Actually, you’re safer in the snow. It’s insulating you. In fact.”

And suddenly, everything was gone.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” She heard Finn screaming out from far away - or maybe he was closer, and the snow that now covered her entire body had just muffled sound too well for her to hear. 

He must have been closer, because his hands were digging through the soft cascades of snowbank that Kylo had buried her in. He found her laughing when she was exposed, her eyelashes kissed with snowflakes and her nose burning red from the cold.

She was sure of it now. None of this was real, anymore.

Finn helped her up, and as soon as she was sitting she grabbed him by the arms and flung him down into the snow. She heard the beginnings of his protest, when her arms lifted and collapsed, sending a sheet of snow to bury him fully. She looked up at Kylo, beaming with uncontrollable joy, and caught him clutching at his chest with pain. He wasn’t looking at them anymore - and that surreal moment of fun that she knew she had to be imagining was over as quickly as it had begun.

“What’s wrong?” She asked him, while Finn rose up from the snow and shook it all off.

Kylo straightened, his hands falling back to his sides. He looked at her for one moment, pain flickering through his gaze, before it all bled away into the darkness she’d become familiar with by now. He shook his head, pinching his face with dismissive anger.

“Nothing.” Kylo hissed out, waving her attentions away. “Are you both done wasting time yet?” He winced at the sneer on her face, but continued nonetheless. “You skipped lessons this morning. We should go make up for it now.”

She wanted to tell him exactly where he could shove his lessons, now that she’d gotten what she wanted. She wanted to pick up a pile of snow and throw it at him, until he was soaked and covered in white. She wanted to bury him in the snow just like she had Finn, only deeper and permanently.

She felt normal again. And then that feeling shattered, because she knew she was _grateful_ to him for it.

As if he angered her only to ease her pain.

Which he _didn’t._

“Finn.” She muttered, turning back to wipe the snow out of his hair. “We’ll come back later. Kylo’s right. I’ve got to go learn how to be stronger. Who knows when I’ll _need it_.”

It was as much a threat as it was an agreement. She stood up out of the snow, dusted herself off, and trudged forward with big, difficult steps. Even as she walked past Kylo, her eyes never left his, until she was all the way past him. 

He was hiding something from her. Something that _scared_ him. She felt the urge to discover the truth rising up in her like a gnawing hunger. Now, she wanted to know more than anything what that was - in case it came in handy, one day.

And _not_ because she couldn’t stop shivering when she thought of the flare of suffering that had crossed his eyes.

Kylo waited for Finn to follow Rey inside, before heading through himself. He was surprised, therefore, to find neither of them had moved farther past the door - until he saw what had stopped them in their tracks.

“Absolutely _not_.” Hux demanded, pointing at the lot of them. “Stomp until those shoes are clean, and leave them by the door. Rey, Finn, leave your coats as well. You are not treading water all over these halls, just so someone can slip and break their back.” He fiddled with his holopad as he grumbled under his breath. “I’ve got enough paperwork to handle without you three adding to it.”

It had returned to being a surreal dream, Rey mused to herself, as she listened with awe to the sound of the three of them - Kylo Ren included - stomping like luggabeasts at General Hux’s command until their boots were no longer covered in snow.

* * *

It took her a while before she noticed there was something new in her room. She’d undressed, taken a hot shower, and managed to find a new set of clothing before she’d even walked through her bedroom fully. By the time she was picking up wet clothes off of the floor, something glinted with a reflection and finally caught her eye.

She’d left the cutting of her plant there, safe in it’s sealed package. It was still there, which relieved her considering what was beside it. 

It was a flat pot, small and filled with synthetic fertilizer, and covered with a glass dome. She was glad that whoever had left it there for her hadn’t thought to touch the plant - she’d have a lot more explaining to do.

When she picked the tiny pot up, she saw a note underneath written in impeccable handwriting. The flourish alone clued her in to where the thoughtful gift had come from.

She was not surprised.

_Dear Rey,_

_I see you’ve picked up another stray.  
Please accept this helpful home for it, with my regards._

_General Hux_

A lazy smile wormed its way across her expression, as she picked up the pot and opened it up. But then, a disturbing thought sped through her mind, and she narrowed her eyes when she realized Hux had just come into her room without permission to leave this for her.

She was going to have to talk to him about that.

 _Right_ after she took care of her new plant, she decided, letting the quiet satisfaction of his generosity sink back into her as she dug a hole in the fertilizer and carefully tipped the plastic bag over to drop the cutting into the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever just accidentally past the chapter into the chapter summary and then get yelled at for having too long of a chapter summary.
> 
> It's pretty hilarious.
> 
> ANYWAY in case you were wondering, yes, that little stray is in fact the plant in this picture by my friend rejam:
> 
> [Rey and her plant](http://i.imgur.com/wnbiLYe.png) by <http://rejamart.tumblr.com/>
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chappie, I love you all and all your sweet touching glorious comments fuel me more than caffeine ever could.


	16. Chapter 16

Every day, Rey returned to train with Kylo at the crack of dawn. She made an effort to get it out of the way as early as possible, which just gave Finn a chance to sleep in while she worked. 

They’d started physical training the day after the snowfall, if only because Kylo had come to the conclusion that Rey’s restless behavior was dangerous, and tiring her out was in everyone’s best interests. If she found fault in his choices, she never spoke up about it. If anything, fighting brought out an energy in her that was infectious, and she flourished easily at her lessons.

But when it came time to practice fighting with a lightsaber, she’d only fought him once before that energy shut off like a burst lightbulb. The spar lasted all of four minutes, then she switched the saber off and adamantly refused to continue.

He could sense the waves of debilitating trauma coming off of her, gripping her with a terror she wasn’t used to. It wasn’t hard to decipher why facing him, of all people, with the familiar hum and hiss of his lightsaber bearing down on her, would trigger memories she still hadn’t come to terms with. From then on, he made sure their fights were always hands on, without weaponry; and he focused on training her to use the Force itself as a weapon, instead.

And every day without fail, she’d stop what she was doing the exact moment the clock on the wall blinked 9 at them, and left without a goodbye. It didn’t matter if they were in the middle of a fight, or if she was lifting weights. Everything stopped; including her tolerance of his presence.

It was irritating, to say the least; and it bothered him with increasing measure each day that brought them closer to his departure.

The day before both Finn and Kylo were scheduled to leave, Rey’s training had focused on physical combat techniques. She didn’t need much in the way of a lesson, when it came to these - she had him on the ground just as many times as he’d knocked her down. He’d gained the upper hand just in time for their training to end, sweeping her feet out from under her and pinning her down on the mat as the clock chimed with the hour.

Pinning was the only advantage Kylo ever had with her. Once his weight was on her, she wasn’t strong enough to push him off.

If looks could kill, however, she’d have done the Resistance a great service with the one she was giving him.

“Get off.” She demanded, through clenched teeth and hissed breath. His hands held her by the wrists, but otherwise it was his weight that really kept her from throwing him off, even as he stared at the clock.

“Not yet.”

She stopped fighting, just long enough to follow his gaze and look at where it led. The sight of the time only enraged her further, but she couldn’t quite understand why that was the reason he was holding her down by force. She still struggled, albeit weaker, now, and stared up at his distracted face in frustration. 

“Kylo.”

“Not _yet_.” He repeated, his eyes never leaving the clock. She screeched up at him, her flails turning vicious and violent, but no matter how many bruises her kicks left on his body, he seemed adamant about keeping her exactly where she was until -

“There.”

He rose up off of her instantly, and she scrambled away, but a moment later she was lunging for him, her fists burying themselves into his well protected stomach.

“What was _that_ about?” She yelled, punching his shoulder when he refused to react to her attack. It was all muscle there, and by the throb of her knuckles it probably hurt her more than him.

“It’s 9:01.” There was a smugness to his voice - a victory she didn’t quite understand. He picked up his jacket, and slung it over his shoulders as he walked away.

“SO?” She stuttered out, suddenly anxious over that one single minute he’d stolen. 

“So.” He parrotted sarcastically, emphasizing the word in a long, dragged out syllable. But once he began to explain, his voice grew sharp in harsh, frantic frustration. “You run off like you’d explode if you had to stay one single minute longer than we’re scheduled for. You run off to _him_ every day, no matter what we’re in the middle of. It’s - it’s - “

He threw his hands up in the air, his jacket falling back behind him. “It’s _insulting._ ” He admitted, turning to pick up the fallen jacket. “You might as well not come at all, if that’s how you feel about it.”

When he straightened up again, he paused to catch the look on her face, and flinched. 

“Why do you care?” She asked him, her eyes turned narrow with suspicion. “You’re not exactly my biggest fan. I’d expect _you’d_ be running out that door if I wasn’t.”

Her eyes followed him everywhere he turned, and it only made him more anxious to try and get away from that gaze. She was prying; he could feel the attempt slowly worming its way into his mind, and he carefully shut her out.

“The fact that I am here at all proves your tart little assumption wrong.” He’d moved to sit on one of the exercise machines in the rehabilitation gym they’d been fighting in, and reached both flesh and metal hands up to pull on the handle bars holding weights. His prosthetic had taken hold fully by now, and from the amount of overwhelming weight he was pulling with its help, it was clear that he’d become all the stronger for it.

“I offered to train you. I set aside my time to pass on what I know. Tell me, exactly, why someone would willingly do such a thing for a person they hate?”

She scrambled for a reason - because simple acceptance was just too easy. “Because Hux told you to.” She huffed out. Her expression crinkled; even she could hear how lame the excuse was. 

He stopped pulling on the handlebar for a moment and stared up at her in earnest. “Was Hux whispering in my ear that day on Starkiller? Or are you conveniently forgetting that I offered to show you the way to the Force, only to have my face and arm sliced through as reward for the offer?” The bitterness in his voice was tangible, cutting through the air between them like a sharp knife.

Reminding her of that day was a mistake. She stumbled back, her eyes searching wildly for something stable to look at, before turning to walk away.

“Rey.”

She didn’t want to hear his voice calling her name anymore. She didn’t want to think of the person she’d fought that day in the snow, and somehow coalesce him with the man who’d saved her from the storm of a different planet, and buried her playfully in its own snow. These were two very different pieces of a puzzle, and they did not fit together no matter how hard she tried.

But she knew there _was_ something she was missing. Some piece to fit between, to connect the dots in ways she wouldn’t be able to understand without it.

She turned back around, her brow furrowed with urgency, and took slow steps to return to him.

“Why were you hurting in the snow?” She asked, her voice carefully quiet. “Our snow. Out here, when we were playing. You looked like something was punching you in the gut.”

If her goal had been to clam up Kylo’s attempts at reaching out to her, she’d succeeded. His back went ramrod straight, and he reached up to grab the handlebars again, pulling them down hard until they hit his shoulders. 

“Go back to Finn.” He growled, his eyes flashing a warning. These were steps he was not willing to let her tread.

“I need to know what was wrong with you. Was it Snoke? Was he hurting you as punishment for enjoying yourself?”

Without a beat lost, Kylo took the convenience of that excuse, using it like a shield. “Yes.” He lied. “Now get out of here.”

Rey wanted to believe she’d found some mystical secret, but she could sense that she hadn’t. That wasn’t the key to why she felt as though he was two different people, one of whom she despised with every cell of her body, and one of whom she could have been all right with, if he just tried.

“Liar.” Rey moved closer, crouching down on her haunches in front of him and putting her hands on his knees. “I’m not asking you because you need me to. I’m asking because I need to understand you. Maybe if I wasn’t staying, this would be easier. I wouldn’t have to try and resolve this ridiculous conflict between who you were and who you are here. But I _am_ staying. So you’re going to tell me why you were hurting that day, because I need this.”

The weights dropped behind him with a clatter, and he leaned in, his breathing harsh and uneven. “And what makes you think I’m going to do anything just because you need it? I may not dislike you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going out of my way to give you everything you want.”

He was right - and that selfishness felt comforting, like a familiar friend. She grimaced, before her face turned up in a smug, sarcastic smile.

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

Kylo’s eyes narrowed, and he reached down to push his hand against her forehead, tilting it away.

“And you know how well that worked out for me.” He reminded her, his voice lightening with a gentleness that both scared, and emboldened her. She was getting somewhere. She could feel it.

“But I’m _so much better_ than you.” She reminded, her head nodding sagely as if she’d just stated a fact. It made Kylo groan and roll his eyes, before leaning back against the plastic chair of the weight machine. 

“Fine,” She muttered. “So maybe I can’t get it from you by force. But you could just tell me, save us all this time and frustration.”

He continued pulling on the weight handlebars, ignoring her flawlessly.

“Or I could sit here and make faces at you while you work out.” She grumbled, sticking her tongue out and pressing her fingers against her nose. She would have made good on that threat, if she didn’t catch the way his lips turned upwards for just a moment, betraying his interest. This was getting her nowhere.

“ _Why_ won’t you just tell me?” She demanded, punching his knee with one fist. 

“Because it won’t matter soon.” He wasn’t admitting his problem, but he was giving her more clues than before. She perked, intent, as he continued. “And it will never happen again. So there’s no point in talking about it.”

She just knew he was giving her so much more in those scant vague words than he wanted to admit; she just had to be smart enough to figure it out.

He felt something. But he wouldn’t anymore - and it wouldn’t matter soon. 

“What happens soon?” She whispered, already knowing the answer.

Kylo’s arms dropped, and rested on his legs. He leaned in, facing her fully, and his expression terrified her with its acquiescence. “My final training.” He answered her, every one of his words thick and heavy. His eyes glittered with a desperation she’d only seen once before.

“Is he going to hurt you?” It wasn’t the question she’d meant to ask. It didn’t help her figure him out one bit. And when he was honest with his reply, she wished she’d never asked.

“Yes.”

She winced, pulling away from the intensity of his expression. “Then you shouldn’t go.” She stared down at the edge of the chair, deeply disturbed.

“Since when do you care if I’m hurt or not?” He sounded like he’d wanted to ask the question with a lot more bite and sarcasm than he had. It was too soft, too genuine.

And it insulted her.

She was able to look up at him again, refusing to react when she realized how much closer he’d gotten. “Despite what you might think of me, I’m actually a _good_ person. I’m not in the habit of wishing pain on anyone, even murderers.”

She waited, rather impatiently, for some kind of scathing retort. Instead, his gaze roamed freely across her features, and his eyes tightened around their edges as he took her in. She turned her eyes down, letting her mind work while she still had his complacency.

“Are you going to teach me what you learn from him when you return?” She asked, lifting her gaze in sudden, fearful curiosity. 

“No.” She felt the answer more than heard it. It vibrated, intense and panicky, through the bond buried deep within her. 

“Why?”

His eyes blinked as he took in a long, heady breath. He sighed it out through his nose, and dared to let the silence linger a moment longer. When he spoke, his voice was a lullaby meant to keep her up at night. “Is that what you want, Rey?” He whispered, leaning in closer. “Do you want me to teach you how to find the Dark side of the Force within you? How to use it? How to transcend all those restrictive, pitiful limits this world has always tried to bound you to?”

He sounded like he wanted to consume her, licking his lips as if he’d tasted blood in his offer. She pulled away, finally standing back up and removing herself from his threatening presence. 

“No.” She admitted, refusing to acknowledge the smirk that kissed his lips at her answer. “I guess not.”

He was not surprised.

When she turned to leave this time, he knew it was in both of their best interests to simply let her go. And he did, all the way until she found the door and opened it. The sound of her final footsteps turned his blood cold, and it wrenched out a sudden outburst from him that had been slowly crushing down on his lungs the entire time he watched her go.

“Rey.” His voice broke against her name.

She stopped again, and he wondered if she would always stop, when he called.

“You know that things will be different, when I return.” Kylo felt the compulsion to warn her; that was the crush against his lungs.

She turned, confusion flickering across her face for a moment before she found her own understanding. Whatever Snoke was going to do to him, would eliminate the man who’d buried her in the snow. The man who pinned her down just to keep her for one minute longer. The man that she couldn’t resolve with the monster.

She nodded in understanding, though her eyes prickled and gleamed.

But the nod was all he needed. He let her leave, sighing out a long breath of relief.

It wouldn’t have to be this way, for long.

* * *

The freighter was small and dingy and looked like it had seen several battles, but that only meant it wasn’t a First Order issued vehicle, which worked out in Finn’s favor. Since he had nothing to take with him, it was just a matter of boarding the ship and leaving after saying goodbye.

He’d been escorted to the launch bay by all three of them, and still wondered why. He only wanted to say goodbye to Rey - but there they both were, hovering like bodyguards, refusing to meet anyone’s eye. This was not the kind of situation Finn felt comfortable leaving Rey in. They both acted too chummy, too possessive, too - weird.

He didn’t know how else to put it.

They arrived at the freighter, and the crew called for him to board. He turned to look at Rey, his eyes begging her one last time to come with him. She was already crying, but when she shook her head, he knew the answer was still no.

So he hugged her, his arms wrapping around her so tightly they pulled her up off of her feet and clung her to him. She screamed and laughed through her tears, and nuzzled her face all the way into his neck, leaving his skin streaked with wetness that he was loathe to wipe away.

“I’ll contact you as soon as I’m on the Finalizer.” She promised into his cheek, before pulling away and turning teary eyes up at Hux for confirmation. “Right?”

He nodded firmly, with a tight smile. “Without question. Finn has been given the frequency number. He need only keep the transmission open and wait.”

Hux was trying too hard to be polite. There was a tightness around his eyes, and his hands were balled up tight behind him, where they couldn’t see. Even his smile looked fake, and impatient.

Kylo’s eyes flickered to the side for one single moment, landing on him before they turned away.

Pulling away from her embrace, Finn tried to believe that he wouldn’t be waiting in vain. His suspicious gaze landed on Hux first, and then settled with a much darker tone on Kylo’s stiff form.

“I’ll give General Organa all your regards.” Finn spat out, clearly aiming it more at Kylo than the rest of them. It was a last ditch attempt to make Kylo lash out, proving his instability. He could see the flare of indignation burning in the man’s eyes when Finn mentioned his mother, but got no such explosion out of it. Instead, he got a sickeningly pleasant voice, sharpened with well timed wit.

“Please do. I’m sure the General will be pleased to hear her husband’s murderer sends his best regards.”

Now it was Finn who lashed out, surging forward to attack the man that simply stood there. Rey stopped Finn where he was, clamping down on him to keep him from flailing any further and starting a fight she was sure Kylo would finish.

“STOP it. Both of you!” She screamed out, tugging Finn away from the two of them and backing up towards the ship. “Finn, just go. You’re both idiots and this isn’t how I wanted to say goodbye to you, so just go.”

The guilt of Rey’s words sunk deep into him, and Finn stopped fighting when they’d reached the plank. He frowned, muttering out a soft apology, and wrapped her up one last time in his arms.

Before he let go, he whispered into her ear, forcing her to promise that if they _ever_ hurt her, or even if she ever just wanted to come home, all she had to do was let him know, and he’d come for her. Every time.

She promised, but she’d never doubted that for a second. It was like a tether, holding her strength and keeping her from running onto that ship with him. She knew - she truly believed - that if she ever needed him, Finn would be there.

He let her go, and boarded the ship, slumping his shoulders with hesitance all the way inside.

When the plank rose and left her alone on that platform, she stepped back a few paces for safety, and felt the bump of Hux’s arm against her back. He’d come to give her support, and she had no idea how badly she’d needed that, until she was listening to Finn’s ship take off in front of her, and her heart was plunging into her stomach.

“General.” She whispered, her voice shivering helplessly. He leaned in, bringing his ear closer to her face to listen, and she turned to whisper out in a shudder.

“I’m scared.”

She wanted Finn back. He’d been gone all of one minute and already she wanted to throw herself into his arms and be hugged with such ferocity that she could forget just how terrifying her choices truly were. He’d been her last tether to a different path, and she could feel him ripping further away from her with every second, leaving her alone in a strange new world.

But she wasn’t alone. She thought she was, until she felt the strangeness of General Hux’s arm wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her into his half-embrace. It was as if he’d read her mind and saw what she was so scared of losing, then offered it to her despite how unrealistic of an expectation that was. He was hugging her - not the way Finn would hug her, tough and strong and warm like a bear - but in his own quiet, formal, hesitant way.

It was the attempt, and not the effort, that made all the difference in the world.

She watched the small freighter disappear into the white sky, and let her tears flow freely as the ache welled up within her. She was comforted, but far more importantly, she was coming to grips with the strange idea that she wasn’t completely alone in all of this. Not really. 

This was just a different choice, surrounded by different people. That was all.

A heat pressed up against her other shoulder, and she tilted her head just slightly up, to look at him. A murderer, a monster, but not exactly any of those things, when he stood against her side and watched the ship take off with her.

He would be the monster again, after Snoke was done with him. But she wondered if he knew that; if he knew that these were the last days of whoever still struggled to maintain some semblance of humanity, inside of his rough, blood soaked shell. Perhaps that was why he stood beside her in that moment, taking advantage of what little time he had left.

Rey put her arm underneath his elbow, and pulled the appendage up against her, holding it in a vice grip as she turned back to the grey and white sky.

Today was an exception to all the days ahead of them. And if that was really the case, then she would take advantage, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends Rachel's hopes for Reyluxstorm.
> 
> :D
> 
> Next update will be tuesday because I have a friend coming over for a visit tomorrow so I'm giving myself the day off! WOOO.
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL YOUR AMAZING COMMENTS I LOVE COMMENTS I EAT THEM UP WITH FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI


	17. Chapter 17

This isn’t the training, he reminds himself. These are just tests. Tests to see if he’s still worthy. To see if he’s grown soft.

_And he has._

He’s failing, but still he hacks through them, one by one, as if each death has a chance of re-opening the wounds inside of him that dared close when he’d gotten complacent. There’s still a chance, with pain, with death, with descent. He’ll press on until he finds it.

His hands were already stained. More red won’t make any difference, now.

* * *

Hux froze in anticipation of the swell of the music he was listening to, rising up in tone and volume until his eyes fluttered when he felt it vibrating in his bones. He paused in the near unstoppable typing he’d been performing as it caught him, lifting him past the exhaustive feel of his work into a higher plane of existence.

Every instrument rose up in high strung notes, a crescendo that felt never-ending until the music itself was lost to the sound of it all crying out in dissonant rhythms, higher and higher and higher still, leaving him breathless with its rise.

Finally, it all stopped on a percussive note, every instrument shocked still as though a thousand voices had suddenly been silenced.

The knock on his door was timid, but timely. Hux caught its soft tap in the quiet left behind by the crescendo drop, and opened his eyes to stare at his door. Was it actually a knock, or had someone simply bumped against the door? He waited, in tense silence, until he heard it again.

There was no one yet in the room to catch the way relief made his lips lift, just for a moment, when he heard that second, familiar knock.

“Come in, Rey.” He called out, his eyes returning to the screen. He heard the door creaking, and then closing a moment later. Her footsteps were too light, never quite making more than a hushed whisper against the floor as she tiptoed over to where he worked, and sat down in the chair in front of his desk. He continued to act as if his work had his full attention, and she never tried to change that.

They did not sit in silence. The music had turned gentle, a haunting melody of strings and flutes played from the speakers attached to the upper corners of the room. It was meant to be calming, as was the cigarette that sat burning in its ashtray, not too far from Hux’s computer.

He continued to type, and she continued to wait until he was done. Little did she know that he would never truly be done, but he did so enjoy being allowed to choose when to stop for her.

Finally, his fingers stilled, and he sent the file he was working on over to Phasma for a look. He pushed the keypad away, and let out an exhausted sigh. Turning in his chair to face Rey fully, he placed one hand under his chin, and the other reached for his cigarette.

“You too, mm?” He whispered with a smirk, right before taking a long drag.

She always seemed to appreciate his masterful perception. The smile that blossomed across her gentle features told him such, and the cigarette stayed between his lips just a little longer as he appreciated it. 

“I should have felt something by now. I think.” She told him, clearly indicating that he was right - she couldn’t stop worrying about the fate of Kylo Ren. Whatever happened to him - and whatever returned as a result - would affect them both. But she knew she was the only one whose life would be in immediate danger, should the monster come back before the man.

“You assume he’s going to let you feel a _thing_ while he’s down there.” Hux reminded her, chiding the assumption with a chuckle. “He’s miles deep inside of an ancient temple, likely committing shameful atrocities. Why would he want you to feel any of that? Now that he’s actually got you thinking just a bit better of him.” Hux’s eyes flickered to the screen; a message had returned already. He took his hand off of his chin and opened it, idly skipping through it without much attention. “You’ll be despising him all over again in minutes.”

He could hear the shudder go through her, even if he wasn’t looking directly at her to see it. 

“You think he’s killing, down there?” Her voice had gone quiet, but there was no softness in its tone. He loved being reminded of how rough and uncut the girl was. So little scared her, and she was so easily angered. He liked to imagine her stomping down to the ruins of the ancient temple Ren had been sent to the day before, forcing her way through every unimaginable evil that awaited her just to take Ren by the ear and drag him forcefully out of it.

Yes, he liked that very much.

“I don’t know who, or what, is down there. Nor would I even go so far as to claim any of it is alive. What I do know is that the man who left the base yesterday did not want you to suffer. So if he is experiencing something capable of hurting you, be it pain or death - you can be sure he will block you from it.”

His eyes returned to Rey as he spoke, lifting his cigarette to his lips and letting it dangle there as he watched his words sink in. He saw the anger bleed out of her, and a new worry set wrinkles in her brow. _Pain._ It was the more likely option, considering who Ren’s master was. 

The smoke released from his exhale came out in a violent shudder, and Rey watched it rise up into the air before it disappeared. Her eyes remained high, flickering to the speakers curiously.

“What is that?” She asked, a nervous energy pervading the question. She didn’t want to think about Ren being in pain. She didn’t want to acknowledge that she _cared_.

Hux’s lips twitched in the faintest, one sided smirk. “Music.”

Her eyes fell back down to glare at him with a flutter of sarcasm. “I _know_ that. What kind of music?”

“This is _Le Deuil Final de Alderaan_. It’s an older piece, but - mm. You mean what genre, don’t you.”

He tried not to smile at the glaze of her eyes, and the way his words had begun to fly over her head.

“It’s called Classical Symphonic. Over a hundred different individuals are playing different musical instruments in order to create the sound you’re listening to, right now. An actual symphony is almost unheard of at this point, because all instruments can be digitally structured into a piece. But this is a live recording from a memorial. I prefer the real thing to a synthetic recreation, every time.” It took a trained ear to tell the difference, and he prided himself on having that particular distinction.

She was quiet, her face pinched with determination as she tried to listen to the music. “I can’t hear them all,” She finally whispered, despite how hard she was trying. 

“Rey.” Hux’s voice called her attention back to him with it’s amused tenderness, and he shook his head softly. “You’re not supposed to try and hear each individual one. You’re just supposed to enjoy the sound they create as they melt and weave together. They’re telling a story. You can only hear it if you listen as a whole.”

So she closed her eyes, let her head hit the back of the chair she was sitting in, and Hux watched the music transport her almost instantly into a world of peace, just as it always did with him.

Only, when he watched her expression soften with that blissful tenderness, he felt a vivid and sharp loss of his own peace drop away. The music did no good for him now; and the cigarette in his fingers crumbled away, burned down to its filter from neglect. 

His eyes were free to roam her features, catching the twitch of her brow when an oboe hung on a long, soulful note. Her shoulders were relaxing, the tension flowing away from her tight muscles and slowly, dangerously edging up into his own. It was easy to ignore the _why_ of this sudden spike of anxiety of his, when he focused on just how comfortable the music was making her.

His console beeped with another message, and he ignored it.

The crescendo was returning, and his eyes narrowed as her expressions changed. Her brow was furrowing, tightening up in distress. Her hands clenched the armrests, and her nails dug into them as the music swelled, carrying her upward somewhere that typically enthralled him. This time, as he watched it all disturb her, he reached for the volume control on his console and slowly turned it down until it was near inaudible. 

She opened her eyes, and he saw pain in them. He wondered if even the act of listening to music was more powerful for a Force user, or if it was just her, hearing the sounds of a story she didn’t even know yet, and responding to the tragedy it told.

“What does the name mean?” She asked, pulling her arms around herself. “Is all classical music that painful?”

He switched tracks immediately.

“It’s the Last Mourning of Alderaan. And no, it’s not all like that. Do you know the story of Alderaan, by any chance?”

A softer melody began, and he returned the volume to audible levels as he gestured for her to come closer. When she rose up to stand beside him, he patted the edge of his desk and she hopped up on it, careful not to knock anything of his over. 

“I know it’s a planet that’s gone. Blown up. That’s it, though.”

It did not surprise him to hear that Rey had no idea just how important Alderaan was to the history of her friends in the Resistance, and he took a moment to drag out the silent consideration, before resting a hand on her knee and patting it for comfort.

“Alderaan was a great loss in the early days of the war between the Empire and the Rebellion. A pointless one, in my opinion. It was General Leia’s home planet - and it was used as a ploy to try and coerce her into giving up the location of the Rebel base. It didn’t work, of course - and the Empire chose to blow it up in front of her. Why? I’ve yet to figure out their reasoning.”

Hux hated the story of Alderaan. He hated how wasteful the Empire had been, under shoddy leadership and the hand of a half-mad Sith following the orders of a _fully_ mad Emperor. General Leia had lied, of course, the day they tried to use Alderaan’s safety against her. If _Hux_ had been in charge, he would have left Alderaan intact until they were certain her information was true; instead of blowing up their only card to use against her soft sensibilities.

He remembered his father retelling the tale to him often as a lesson; a warning; a demand. He had to be more clever than that. 

Rey’s leg shifted, pulling away from the press of his hand. 

“You blew up planets.” She reminded him, suddenly stiff as a board. He met her eyes, observing carefully as thoughts wove in and out of her mind. She’d gotten too comfortable with him, and she looked as though she’d only just started to regret it.

“I did.” He murmured, his voice low but not regretful. He reached out for his pack of cigarettes, pulled out a new one, and struck a match to light it. It was clear, by the pause he took to do such, that he wasn’t in a hurry to explain himself. But once the cigarette was lit, his answer came as fluid and easily as a well practiced speech. “I destroyed military targets that housed the military bases and fleets of warships waiting to launch a full scale war against us once we declared our intentions. I saved billions of lives, by destroying billions of them. All at once, instead of a slow trickle of death that a new galactic war would have surely brought down on all of us.”

He held his cigarette in front of him, eyeing the burnt tip for a few long moments. “Unlike Alderaan, I had a _reason_.”

With a sweep of her hand, Rey slapped the cigarette out of his fingers, and it flew across the room to land on the ground far from the desk.

“That’s not _good enough._ ” She hissed out, her anger finally reaching its glorious crescendo. He lifted his eyes to watch her unfold, standing off of his desk and bearing down on him with clenched fists. She burned openly in front of him, and he felt every lick of her flame.

“You’re right.” He acquiesced, his cool voice soothing her unfocused rage. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To make sure that what we do from now on is _good enough._ You’ve given up everything because you see things from a different point of view. And I’m here to give you the chance to use that.”

In the beat of a minute, he’d reminded her that he was not just the man who’d destroyed countless lives; he was also the man willing to save them, by taking her to his side. It would never make up for what he’d done; but Hux had never once claimed to desire forgiveness.

Simply a chance to save the future from the same fate as the past.

He waited for her, giving her the time she needed to let it all settle back in, and knew the choice of music was helping. Nothing calmed a temper like the soft, whimsical bubbling of a flute dancing across a melody like a brook.

Only when he was certain she’d returned to her senses, did he reach out his hand for her, lifting it up just as a passionate rise of violins swelled in the background. She looked from him, to his hand, several times, before slipping her fingers cautiously against his palm. He curled his hand and pulled it closer, bringing the back of her hand to his lips just as he’d done before.

And there she was, safe and sound in the palm of his hand once more.

“Have you ever danced before, Rey?” He asked, his words breathy and warm against the skin of her still-held hand.

“Sort of.” She sounded like herself again. He let her hand go, and she hopped back up onto the desk. “There were villages on the outskirts of Jakku. They’re sacred, and the people there had many ceremonies. There was music, and dancing, and food, so much food.”

Her eyes turned distant, as she lost herself to memories. Hux bent in, pressing his now free hand against his chin as he tilted his head up to listen.

“I never went in one. I don’t trust them - they sacrificed animals, so there’s every chance they might have just sacrificed a stray. I was young, but not stupid. So I’d watch them, from the crest of a sand dune, and I could smell the food from there. Meat on a spit, I can’t even imagine where they got it from. Like I said, maybe some stray scavenger.” She snorted and poked at her side. “Not that I would have been much of a meal. Still, I knew better than to go barging in on the sacred villages. So I watched. And when they danced, I danced.”

The imagery she created for him was intense. A small, starving child, mimicking the tribal dance of a village from a distance. Dancing in the dark, waving stick-thin arms in the air, feeling the pulse of a pounding rhythm from even that far away and succumbing to the urge to move with the beat.

Hux felt a pang of something so strong, so unnatural, it caught his breath and kept it until it passed.

“I see.” His voice was unexpectedly gritty with emotion, and he cleared it the moment he heard it emerge. “Then you haven’t danced to this kind of music. It’s a different experience, albeit a little less exciting.”

She shook her head no, and he patted her knee once more. He found promise in the fact that she didn’t pull away.

“We’ll rectify that, one day. Some formal event, perhaps. You’ll have to dance there, and I’d be more than happy to teach you.”

Something about his offer startled her, and she frowned deeply. It made him cock a single eyebrow, curious - and perhaps a little hurt. “Does the idea of dancing with me displease you that much? I can hire a tutor, if-”

“What about now?”

She shut down his attempts to salvage the situation, leaving him gaping in mid-sentence.

“Now?” He questioned. “Now what?”

“I don’t want to learn in front of a bunch of people!” She cried out, hopping off the desk in frustration. “Are you mad? That sounds absolutely horrid. Teach me now, where nobody can see me fail. Don’t make me learn something like that in front of others.”

He felt the urge to rise out of his seat with such force, such intense insistence, that the significance of this reaction did not go unnoticed. So of course, he stayed exactly where he was, folded his hands, rose the side of his index fingers to his lips, and let out a string of silent curses in his mind as he willed himself a return of his control.

Before she could question herself, he nodded. “A brilliant idea. Let me finish this last edit for the Captain first, if that’s all right.”

She sat back down in the chair she’d originally been in, snuggled herself deep into its cushions with her legs folded up underneath her, and nodded almost too excitedly.

The string of curses in Hux’s mind continued.

He knew the best decision he could make at that moment was to throw himself back into his work. It grounded him, and returned to him that sense of purpose and fulfillment that led every single one of his actions. He turned back to the console, pulled the keypad out again, and opened up Phasma’s new message.

To his dismay, it only indicated that his adjustments were all well done, and she had nothing further to add.

Damn it.

He began a whole new message, refusing the praise that she’d offered and informing her that he was going to go through the files all over again and find a better way around the issue. When he sent off the response, he opened up the case files of the Stormtroopers in question, and began a whole new assessment evaluation fresh from start.

Phasma’s response was a curt, respectful ‘As you command’. In those three words, Hux could hear her question implied. ‘Why?’

He closed the messages and returned to the files anew, diving in with a desperation he did not possess before. 

It was a ruse, a pointless distraction, and he knew it. Hux did not run from his problems, or he had never done so, until now.

No, he told himself, as he typed mindlessly. This was not a problem. This was just another solution. He’d made it a specific point to gain the trust and compassion of the girl in order to pacify her and earn her trust. He’d done exactly that. He’d accomplished what he’d set out to do.

Whatever nonsensical emotions were cropping up within him as a result were inconsequential, and easily ignored.

He stopped typing, and looked at what he’d written, before deleting it all and closing the file.

“There.” He huffed out, reaching his arms behind him to stretch out his back. “All done. Shall we?”

When he finally turned to look at her, he realized that he was catching her staring, and he responded with a careful, friendly smile. She blinked, and the blossom of insecurity pressed color against her cheeks, until her freckles were more pronounced behind the stain.

He turned back to his console, and turned the volume up higher. In the reflection of the dark screen, he saw his own expression, and set his jaw with grim distaste. His freckles needed no further pronunciation - nor did he accept flushes born from foolish notions against his pale skin.

No. He would allow none of that.

“What’s this one called?” Rey asked, as the music filled the air with elegance. Hux was already beside her, one hand behind his back as the other reached out, palm upward, for her. She didn’t take it until she was already standing, stubborn as ever to assert her independence.

“It’s a fairly unknown little piece called _Sie Kommen_. There’s no story behind this one. It’s purely music for pleasure.”

He felt her grip on his hand tighten, and his brow furrowed for a moment, before letting it go.

“Are you having second thoughts? I’m happy to extend my previous offer of a private tutor if it’s more to your liking. I will not be offended.”

For a moment, she looked like she was considering it. If he hadn’t already willed himself not to care so much, he knew the ache in his bosom would have been more than just insult. But he brushed it off and waited, confident in his detachment.

“No,” She finally answered, her response forcing an exhale that threatened to be a sigh out of him. “It’s not that.” Her hand squeezed his, and she shook her head. “It’s not that.”

Almost immediately, his lips parted to ask her for clarification, but a voice like an alarm bell warned him in the back of his mind that he didn’t want to know. So he shut his mouth, nodded sternly, and reached for her other hand.

It was the first, and hopefully the last time Hux would fail to task himself with knowing the answers to everything, but he was sure this exception was for the best.

“Then let’s begin. In classical dance, there is a lead - me - who will guide their partner - you - through their steps. If you’re just out to enjoy yourself, and don’t care about etiquette, you’ll find the partner sometimes putting both arms around their lead’s shoulders. Not much other than swaying can be done with a hold like that. Instead, this is the formal method, the proper hold. Your hand rests here, on my waist, and, ah, mine-” The curses were back. This was an awful idea. Previously, he’d managed to hug her several times by this point without any repercussion, and yet all he’d done now was put her hand against his waist and he was stumbling on his words. _A shameful display_ , he told himself.

“My hand rests here, where it can guide you. Then on the other side, our hands remain clasped, and you will follow the movement of these arms to indicate how to sway. There are hundreds of thousands of different dance moves, so please forgive me for simply choosing one. It’s called a box step, because you will move in the shape of a box. Rather, I will move in the shape of a box and you will follow my lead, which means moving backwards at times. Is that clear?”

She smiled up at him. “Nope.”

It was exactly what he needed. In that one response was the power to relieve the tension he’d unnecessarily been building between them, and he tilted his head back as a quiet laugh escaped him freely. She had no idea what she was doing, and in a sense, neither did he. It was safer to take this step by step.

“All right. When I move, you move. Look down at my feet.” He moved his foot forward, and her foot slid back, to keep from being hit. “Good. Good. That’s all there is to it. Just remember to step forward if I step back. You can watch our feet in the beginning if that helps, but I’ve always found it easier to fall into the flow when you’re not looking. So don’t get stuck.”

“Your boots are so shiny.”

“My boots are - what now?”

He looked down to where she was staring, admiring the gleam of a well polished boot. He took a moment to be proud of it, before brushing it off as nonsense.

“So they are. Shall we begin?”

And several missteps, stubbed toes, and awkward laughs later, Rey was moving in time to the music, stepping in an awkward, but undeniable box step. She stopped watching her feet, finally turning up to him, and beaming with the sort of pride that could blind him if he looked too hard, or too long. His lips pursed in a tense smile, nodding his approval at her improvement. Her expression dimmed, turning flat and glassy eyed, before something within cracked at her joy and left her stiffening hard and immobile in his arms.

He could see it all in her eyes, as they lost their focus and then their light. Her body went from stone to jelly, collapsing until all that kept her from falling was the quick reflex of his arms around her, catching her in an awkward hold that had him stumbling to his knees. 

_”Rey?”_ He called out to her, even as she bucked and bent forward, opening and closing her mouth with an inaudible scream. She was convulsing, but her hands were clutched at the side of her stomach, holding in an invisible wound. She lifted her head and looked down, pulling away a hand and staring at it shakily.

“Blood.” She whispered, holding her shaking hand up to Hux. There was nothing there, as far as he could see. If her vision had blood against her hands, he knew it wasn’t her blood she was seeing.

She came to the same conclusion. Her hand fell, and her expression twisted in a tortured mix of rage and anguish, before she buried her face in Hux’s chest and sobbed.

Whatever had happened must have weakened Ren enough to keep him from shielding her out. She was still clutching her side, the same side that housed the nasty scar left behind from Chewbacca’s bowcaster wound, healed haphazardly with bacta strips and shoddy droid handiwork. Something must have broken through and wounded him anew.

“Shhh.” Hux turned his attentions back to Rey, still sobbing against his chest. He pressed his hand against her head, running it up and down the length of her hair. “Use what he’s taught you. Put your walls up, Rey. I don’t want you to feel this. Neither does he.”

“He could die.” She whispered, fiercer than anyone in her position should have had the strength for. 

“We’re not that lucky.” Hux promised her, eliciting a wretched sob that mixed with a laugh, regretted almost instantly. She reached up and smacked him with a fist against his chest.

In the moments that followed, he thought she was taking her advice. He thought that perhaps she was building those walls up, giving her the peace she needed to stop hurting. When she spoke again, she shred his assumptions and left them tattered on the floor, along with his heart.

“He’s alone down there. I can’t. I don’t want to - if he dies - I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“You can’t mean to bear his pain just to keep him company.” Hux demanded, nearly outraged by the thought.

She’d already stopped crying, but when he bent in to tuck his finger under her chin and pull her face back up to his, he could see that she meant exactly that, and no less. He sighed, rolling his eyes at the stubborn brat he held in his arms, and pulled her tighter against his chest. Just as she was too stubborn to let Ren suffer alone, so apparently was he too stubborn to let her suffer without him.

This was a vicious cycle, he mused with discomfort. Where, exactly, had all of his plans gone so awry?

The answer came almost as quickly as the question had gone. He knew. He knew the exact moment, in fact. His very first mistake.

The moment he’d wrapped her cold body in his own warm greatcoat. The first time he’d dared to care about the little, scrappy scavenger that had cost him everything.

He should have just found her a blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THAT HAPPENED.
> 
> Everybody pour out a drink for Hux. r i p.


	18. Chapter 18

He feels the echo of tenderness in that vague, distant way, and he knows it’s happening all over again - the touch of warmth, the comfort of affection and care being transferred from one person to another. He’s lying on the ground, bleeding his life out, and this is their response to his absence. As though they’d simply waited for him to be out of the picture. As if he wasn’t dying, but already dead.

He waits for it to cripple him, as it did the first time he’d held her, but the familiar emptiness that always follows the flood refuses to come. The disconnection isn’t there to remind him that these were not his emotions to feel. Hux’s arms are around Rey, but _her_ arms are around herself, holding in a wound on her side that doesn’t exist. She refuses to let go of him, even though she’s never held him before, and likely never would again. She holds him like a clamp, keeping his life from pouring out of his side. He can’t reach for the emptiness, because she’s refusing to let him go and he doesn’t _understand why_. 

Why would anyone do this to themselves on purpose?

She’s suffering. He can feel that now. Hux keeps her steady as she suffers when she shouldn’t, and his comfort is channeled, reaching Kylo freely through her touch. This is too much. He fights away from it, struggling to find the emptiness that had never brought him anything but pain. He doesn’t want it, but he _needs_ it, because if there another way to free himself from his curse then everything he’s already done and sacrificed is in vain.

That can’t be possible.

He won’t let it be possible.

_Rey._

He feels her flushing with immediate relief. This, too, remains.

 _You have to put your walls up now, Rey._ He demands of her, the sound of his thoughts gravelly and distorted. _Do it now._

She’s refusing. He can feel her wordlessly refusing to let him go, and his head settles down on the rocks with exhaustion.

 _Put them up, Rey._ He asks. Weaker, this time.

Her arms tighten their phantom hold around his body in response, and it makes him shudder with bliss.

He can’t ask again. He’s too weak now. (He always will be.) He has to save himself now, whether she blocks him out or not. The lightsaber screeches to life in his hand, preparing to cauterize his wound in the only way he has left. His screams won’t be for his own pain. They’ll be echoes of something far away from where he is, something that shouldn’t be happening, but for the grace of a stubborn little scavenger from Jakku, is. And here he thought he was done causing her pain.

When it’s done, the lightsaber remains switched on, dropped to his side as it burns against the rocks while he recovers.

Nothing comes for him today. He's not worth the effort.

* * *

It felt like hours of screaming, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. Hux had taken her to the infirmary once she’d made it clear she wasn’t going to let Ren go, but he hadn’t expected what came next. The sound of Rey’s screams were sure to haunt his nightmares for countless nights to come, wailed so close to his ear as he coddled her curled up body and felt the rigid stiffness of every muscle underneath her skin. He was going to murder Ren for this. Hell, he considered murdering them both just for being so damn stubborn about it. This was avoidable, and yet here she was, writhing in agony for the man.

Lunatics. The pair of them were lunatics, he decided, as he buried her face in his neck and cradled her, letting her scream into his skin.

There was a wet sponge in his hand, which he used against the flush of her heated forehead when the screaming finally stopped. He ran it across her cheeks and neck to cool her down, and then threw it against the bed and returned his cradled hold to her. The worst of it seemed to be over, but he found no relief in that thought.

If she was quiet, so was Ren.

“Rey?” Hux whispered, brushing the wet, matted hair out of her face. “Is he-?”

She nodded against the skin of his neck, bringing him the relief he didn’t realize he was searching for. It took him a few hard gulps of air, and a long sigh, before Hux felt safe saying a word.

“Well.” He finally managed. “There’s always next time.”

She paused her breathing for a moment, before it continued with a chuckle. “He told me to tell you to go fuck yourself, and then he passed out from the pain. He’s used the lightsaber. Cauterized the wound. He isn’t bleeding, anymore.” Rey reached out to her side, pressing her fingers against the unhurt skin that had been searing with hot, unbelievable pain only moments before. Now, she felt nothing. The bliss of unconsciousness had finally cut her off from his pain.

“Then you’re going to rest. That was traumatizing for me, and I wasn’t even the one experiencing it.” Hux’s voice maintained that light thread of dry humor it always possessed, even as he disentangled himself from around her and laid her gently on the gurney. “And when I say rest, I mean rest. You won’t go searching for him every few minutes. You’re going to close your eyes, and sleep for as long as that wretched man lets you.”

He pulled the covers up over her body, and whipped a handkerchief out from his pocket, drying her face with it. His voice lowered, maintaining the quiet tone of a hushed conversation since he was leaning in so close. “I’d tell you to set your mental blockade up, but by now I’ve grown tired of asking, and you’re going to do whatever you want regardless of my opinion, so.”

The handkerchief was carefully folded up into a square, and slid back into his pocket. “The only thing I can ask for is sleep. Can I trust that you’ll follow this one direction, or am I obliged to sit here all night and make sure of it?”

“You have work to do.” Rey reminded him, not quite answering the question.

“Tons.” He shot back in reply, his expression narrowing dangerously. “All of which I will miss, if it means keeping you in this bed. Think of the shame you will endure from this loss, and tell me you won’t leave until I’ve returned to check on you.”

There was little she could do to argue against that, but her eyelids were already fluttering, and it was clear she was too tired to even try. Her body had taken its own toll of stress from the day, and even if she hadn’t bled for it, fatigue wormed its way through every muscle in her body and tugged her down until she could hardly see him. She rose one hand, lifted the palm, and then dropped it over and over in front of him. She was nodding, with her hand.

It was the strangest, silliest, most endearing little movement he’d ever seen, and he grasped the hand and tucked it under the covers quickly so as not to witness it a moment longer than he had to.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He clipped out sharply, tucking her back in. Her eyes were finally closed, but the furrow of her brow suggested that she was still fighting off sleep, and he reached up to smooth the wrinkles across her forehead. She tilted her head into the curved hand on her face, and he lowered it, letting it settle where her movements demanded, until he was cupping her cheek.

Sad, lonely little girl, Hux thought to himself. You want for so little, that the touch of your enemy is comfort enough. 

No one had ever found comfort in his touch before Rey. But then, there had never been comfort there to give.

He pulled his hand away before he was stuck there with her, lost in warm and dangerous thoughts that had no place burying themselves into his head.

When he left, he returned to his room. Still troubled with the events that had just transpired, he flicked open a hail for the Captain, and sat down to wait for her response. His chin fell into one hand as he sat there, with a deep furrow to his brow and pinched, frowning lips. It only took a few minutes before the chrome of Captain Phasma’s helmet appeared on the projection screen.

“General.” She greeted him, formal and yet - tight. He sensed a tension he couldn’t bother worrying about.

“Send a medical team planetside at once, Captain.” He ordered, his voice crisp and unfamiliar. He could hear the sudden difference in his tone; as if something had changed for too long, and he no longer knew himself. He sounded like a stranger, or a man he’d met long ago. 

“And a full stock of high grade medical supplies. For a medical base, I find this station lacking, and I’ll need a better team on hand soon. A team of my own.” His eyes flickered up to the screen finally, to look at the Captain. “Do you understand what I mean by that?”

“Sir.” She understood all too well, that what General Hux was really asking for was a group he could trust. The concept meant for slim pickings, but he was sure there were still a few surgeons of higher ranks, men who’d worked under his father, whom he could - 

“Sir.” She repeated, with a deviated inflection that indicated more than just agreement. “There is a slight problem aboard the Finalizer at this time.”

The side glance he’d been giving the projection was cast away as Hux straightened up, turning fully towards her with concern. Was he too late? Had an uprising already begun before changes could be implemented? He thought there would be more time, he thought that they could salvage what was left, but if anarchy had already taken hold then there was no time left. He imagined that tear, that jagged break in his perfect plan, finally collapse into itself. All the pieces crumbling, one by one, around him. 

“Tell me.” His voice remained steady as he demanded the news.

“In light of your absence, the Supreme Leader has given leadership of the Finalizer to General Mitaka.”

 _General_ Mitaka.

He tried not to laugh.

“Ah.”

“It will be - difficult to secure a ship to send to you without his permission. As it is, there have been some - queries made concerning your absence, and what General Mitaka’s missive concerning that will be. I’ve already made my report to indicate our work thus far on the reconditioning program and new Stormtrooper establishment but I have not yet received word on whether he plans to allow implementation or not.”

He’d been ousted. Despite Snoke’s assurance that he would be given the chance to redeem himself, he’d apparently been undermined completely, tossed into an instability that would now force him to ask _permission_ for his actions. 

And to ask them of his former subordinate, no less.

Mitaka was unsuited for a leadership position. He was, in fact, probably already cracking under the pressure. And that was precisely why Snoke had done this to the man - as some temporary torture, waiting for the likelihood that he would end his own life if Hux did not return to kill him, himself.

Snoke played a sick, twisted game, but at least Hux was familiar with the rules.

“Arrange for a meeting with General Mitaka, Captain.” He demanded through clenched teeth. He was mildly insulted for Phasma - if anyone should have been promoted and given the Finalizer, it was her. This insult was a powerplay, and nothing more.

“I will speak to him personally at his earliest convenience.”

If Captain Phasma could hear the threat in General Hux’s voice, or the way he was angrier for her than he was for himself, she did not express it. She nodded her head sharply, and her voice returned to it’s regular, formal tone.

“At once, General.” There was a hesitance, before she turned her head to look to the side. When she returned the helmets gaze to him, she spoke quieter. “I will keep you informed. Check your messages often.”

A single brow rose high as General Hux stared at her incredulously. There was absolutely no reason why Captain Phasma would need to tell him to check his messages on a regular basis, when she knew how frequently and obsessively he did so. 

Unless.

“Consider it done, Captain. Thank you for your assistance in this delicate manner. I look forward to hearing what the new General has to say concerning our work.”

Captain Phasma’s helmet clanked as she nodded firmly, and then cut off the transmission on her end. As soon as she was out of sight, General Hux flicked open his inbox, and waited.

Sure enough, a message arrived mere seconds later. No name, no formal greetings or signature. Just the warning.

_Mitaka will grant the men. Don’t trust any you don’t know personally. Keep them away from her._

His blood ran cold, sluggish and almost painfully through his veins. 

Seconds later, the message itself was gone - deleted from the other side. Purged, skillfully, from the system.

There was no telling how Captain Phasma had come to know any information concerning what the Supreme Leader was planning, or why Rey was suddenly in danger. What he did know, however, was that he trusted the Captain implicitly; and if there was anyone on that ship who could have been privy to a conversation alluding to this danger, it would have been her. No one suspected Captain Phasma of treason. There were times, he knew, that the officers often thought of her more as part of the ship than its crew.

She’d proved them wrong, today.

But not even Captain Phasma’s loyalty would save him now, if the Supreme Leader meant to send an assassin in the ranks of a medical team. In truth, the loss of Rey would easily tip Ren over into an obliviated state of despair. Was that Snoke’s final goal? Was she only meant to be a pawn, no longer an asset to the First Order if she could be made to join their cause?

Or was it not an assassin at all, but something more sinister coming for her? 

He thought of Ren’s current state of training, and forced himself not to imagine what, exactly, Snoke would deem necessary to achieve the same results in Rey.

He felt the end of their little game hurtling towards him, threatening to break the board too soon, before he was ready.

If only he knew how long Ren’s training would last. No matter what changes the man would undergo in that temple, he was still an integral, necessary part of this quickly unraveling plot. And Hux could not bring himself to believe that Ren would be transformed enough to be apathetic towards the fact that Rey was now in danger.

The fact that he’d lost his ship, his crew, and perhaps his only chance at returning to a seat of authority, meant so little in the wake of all that had come to light in that brief conversation. That was the only silver lining, he thought ruefully as he reached for another cigarette. The overwhelming danger they were in was enough of a distraction from the fact that Hux had been essentially _fired._

His timeline was growing smaller by the second.

* * *

When Rey woke up again, she felt like she hadn’t managed any rest at all; but she could see by the clock on the wall, and the pangs of hunger in her stomach, that she’d actually been out of it for hours. 

She shifted the blanket off of her and her legs were already sliding off of the gurney when she remembered it; the hazy promise she’d made with the wave of her hand and a warmth she couldn’t explain away. She wasn’t supposed to get up until Hux returned - except that just made her want to get up _more_ , and she was forced to tamp down the rebellious urge to swing her legs over the gurney and hop away to find some food. The only thing stopping her now was how easily she could picture his face, terse and annoyed, when he returned to an empty bed. He would be disappointed.

With an unknown amount of time on her hands, and that disturbing thought lingering in her mind, she thought this a perfect time to try and untangle the complicated emotions that had been driving her actions over the past few days. She’d wanted time to think through it all, and now she had nothing but time to do just that. Her head dropped back down on the bed, and she stared up at the white, cracked ceiling.

One at a time, she told herself. First, Hux. 

She trusted Hux. She accepted that immediately, and sought out all of the reasons why this was suddenly the case. He’d been afforded several chances to deal with her, to put her in danger, or to lock her up and treat her like a prisoner. Instead, he’d given her freedom at every turn, and let her make her own decisions. She could have left with Finn, if she’d wanted. No one was keeping her here against her will.

But why did he do anything? Behind his eyes, Rey had seen an intelligence that always made her think he’d figured out every possible outcome to a situation and was already on the direct path towards the best possible one. So far, he hadn’t proved her wrong; and it was so easy, so natural to simply trust that Hux knew best, whenever he offered her choices and gave her advice. She wondered if she was simply being too naive - but if that was the case, wouldn’t she feel the same about Kylo’s choices? Hell, that man made more bad choices than there were stars in the sky. If anything, he needed Hux’s advice just as badly as she did.

So she trusted him, because he knew what he was doing, and he knew how important her freedom was. That felt squared away, understandable and no longer worrisome.

But what, exactly, did trust have to do with the way she felt when his hand was pressed against her cheek?

That wasn’t trust, and she knew it. But it was something like trust, something deep and important. She knew she’d turned into his hand because she needed to feel that something, whatever it was. 

Affection. The word bubbled into her mind easily the moment she accepted that she was starved for it, and she’d begun to claim it with the same urgency as she had Finn’s hugs. Hux was many things, but no one could have ever guessed him an appropriate vessel for affection. Yet there he was, turning his hand against her cheek as she fell asleep, proving everyone in the galaxy wrong just by showing a little nobody a moment of tenderness. He was proving everyone wrong, which meant it was right to hope for him.

Hope was what she did best. 

So she trusted Hux. She craved his affection. And she was going to work with him. These were things that, when compartmentalized carefully, she thought she could handle. She didn’t have to be scared of the strangeness of it all; not when she could explain it all away so easily, and keep each of her feelings for him in their separate, safe little boxes. It all made sense, there.

But then it was time to turn to Kylo, where nothing made sense at all.

She did not trust Kylo. There was still so much she feared from him, without ever wanting to admit it. She was ready to kill him if she had to; if he returned to tear down what little they’d built up together, she wouldn’t let him stand in the way of what she was willing to do here. She knew that. She knew she would do what she had to.

But she was still, somehow, sure it wouldn’t come to that in the end, and that unsettled her.

When _his_ eyes were on her, she always felt it like a searing heat, burning at her skin until she felt something worse than pain bubble just underneath. He couldn’t tell her why his intensity refused to turn to anger anymore, or why he gave in whenever she pushed him too hard, instead of fighting back like she was sure he would. He wouldn’t tell her anything, and that enraged her more than the way he made her feel.

It didn’t matter, he’d told her. Not anymore.

She’d clung to his arm on that launchpad and wished she could take a stand, keeping him there until the threat of destroying whatever ‘it’ was had passed. But it was too late to lament that, now. All she had left was to untangle her own emotions, just as she’d done with Hux.

She started with their training.

She admired Kylo. He was strong, and capable, and determined. Even as he wallowed in the thick fog of foul intent and disruption the Dark side left him drowning in, he still managed to crawl his way back up to the shreds of humanity left within him, and she’d seen it all in his every move. He’d gone out of his way to make her aware that he didn’t hate her, but there was no assurance that all of that wasn’t a trick. She only believed him when she could see the truth in his eyes, shining bitterly as if it hurt to be honest with her or Hux.

He protected her. He demanded so much of her. He wrenched strength out of her that she never knew she’d possessed. And in the end, no matter how hard she fought against him, he’d taught her so much.

That was enough, wasn’t it? That had to be enough to explain why she refused to let him suffer alone in that temple. That, and how adamantly she believed that no one should ever be left alone as they suffered.

It had to be enough. She couldn’t shake the tension in her shoulders as she tried to convince herself that her reasons for getting attached to the two most villainous men in the world were understandable. She only had to convince herself, not the rest of the world; and yet, somehow, that still seemed too daunting of a task to accomplish.

Logic dictated that she shouldn’t care about these men. Her heart did not reside in the world of logic, any longer.

She wondered if it ever had.

Her breath caught as she felt the stir of consciousness, and the ache returning to her side. Kylo was waking up, and her time alone with her thoughts was over. She should have been upset about that, but she’d never felt more relieved.

_How does it look?_

She felt him still when she made her presence known, and then a flare of anger traveled up her spine, making her laugh at how predictable it was.

 _Why are you still here?_ His thoughts were so garbled, so shaky, that it had her wondering if things like distance really could affect their bond. She winced the moment he moved, checking the charred and twisted skin of his wound. It wasn’t doing very well.

 _I’m not leaving you._ She told him, the stubborn and willful pride in her voice overshadowing any hint of actual care. _You should get back to the base. You need help._

It was the wrong thing to say. She felt it the moment he reacted, lurching up onto his feet and sending spirals of pain echoing back towards her through their connection. He was gritting his teeth, baring it as well as he could until he knew she was screaming. And then, quite suddenly, it all stopped.

Rey’s voice cut off and her eyes flew open at the sudden loss of pain.

_Kylo?_

_Stay out of my head._ It wasn’t a warning. It wasn’t a command. He wasn’t angry, or cruel, or demanding anymore. He said it so simply, as if he was begging her to listen for once, and then she felt the silence, crueler than any words he could have ever said, leaving their bond cold and disconnected.

A wretched sound escaped her throat, before she could control it. 

“Good. You’re awake. We should discuss - “ Hux’s words cut off when he took note of the tears staining jagged down her cheeks, and he sat down against the edge of the bed, setting his hand against the blanket that covered her. “What’s happened? Is he dead?”

“Worse.” Rey huffed out, her hands balling into fists. “He’s alone. I hate him, General. I HATE HIM.”

But by the looks of things, Hux knew that was far from the case. He reached out and patted one of her fists, pulling her fingers free one by one until her hand relaxed into his. “No, and you’re a terrible liar. He’s trying to spare you, Rey. He’s done little in the way of selfless actions in his lifetime.” He squeezed her hand carefully. “Let him have this one.”

Hux was right. He always was. And yet.

“Do you know where the temple is?”

She trusted herself more than she trusted him, this time.

“I’m afraid I have no idea. And even if I did, disturbing his training may have grave consequences on both he, and those who’ve dared to do it. I will have a new medical team standing by once he’s returned, though. I’ve already seen to it.”

He was trying to soothe her back into reason, but the daunting echo left behind by Kylo’s absence had begun to buzz painfully in her mind, like a constant reminder that something was missing, something was _wrong._

“I could find him.” She wagered, despite how unsure she really was. “I could try.”

In the silence that followed, Rey pulled her hands away, thoughtlessly scratching at the top of one palm until the skin under her fingernails streaked with dry, pink tracks. Hux pulled her hand away, and pressed it firmly against the bed.

“It’s an interesting proposition, but I still consider it an insult to his training, and a life threatening situation to you. Give it more time. He can only block you if he’s strong - that works in our favor. If he’s hurt again, we’ll know.”

Rey’s eyes turned up to glare at Hux, pinching her expression with desperation. She knew that silence meant he was safe, but she wasn’t worried about his safety anymore. There was so much more at stake than Kylo’s life, when it came to that temple. She wanted to drag him out, by force if necessary.

“We never should have let him go.” She admitted, turning her hand until their palms met. “You know that.”

A soft chuckle escaped Hux’s lips, weak enough to die almost instantly to a sigh. “Ah. I only know one thing about the both of you.” He admitted, though his lips pursed in wry amusement. “And that is that no one can tell you what to do, or not do. This is his decision, and we must trust in his ability to get what he needs from that place, and return safely.”

“I don’t trust him.” Rey admitted, pulling Hux’s hand into her lap and staring down at his pale fingertips. “That’s the problem.”

Hux stared at his hand as well, intertwined easily with her slender fingers and almost obscene in its pale translucence when compared to her ruddy, sun-kissed skin. The way she held his hand did not worry him, as their previous encounters had before. This was a statement, and it was one he read loud and clear. She didn’t trust Kylo the way she trusted Hux.

And she was right. That _was_ a problem.

“Indeed.” He murmured, eyebrows knitting together in deep, over-burdened unease. “Discovering the temple’s location, at the very least, may not be such a bad idea after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This damn chapter was a real stubborn struggle, because there's so much more important crap coming but this needed to plop out first and I was just overall suuuuper unhappy with it, but rest assured what comes next will make up for it, at least plotwise, so bear with me. 
> 
> In other news I'm taking a tiny break in order to fulfill a reylux prompt challenge, which will be coming out tomorow. So BP's next update will likely be on May the 4th (because Bloodlines comes on the 3rd and GOOD LORD AM I GOING to GOBBLE THAT BOOK UP.)
> 
> So that will be how I celebrate May the 4th with you all XD
> 
> And lastly I wanna say thank you to those of you who reached out to me when I was having a rough go of it yesterday, you guys are really so sweet and reminded me that when one door closes, another one opens. I'm really lucky to have such good friends, and I will not forget that.
> 
> OKAY ACTuAL LAST THING: AquaWolfGirl is an actual angel of a human being and I can't shut the hell up about her fic, [Never Tell Me the Odds.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6157146/chapters/14107785) It's an AU Reylo fic where Ben doesn't have the force so he's a smuggler instead. Listen. I can't even do it justice. Just click the link it's the best thing ever written. 
> 
> HAVE A GREAT STAR WARS CHRISTMAS YOU GUYS AND REMEMBER TO BE GOOD TO EACH OTHER!! MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOOOOOUuuuuu


	19. Chapter 19

It’s bloodlust. He realizes it when he slides his lightsaber up the length of a faceless body, leaving a trail of jagged flesh right down the middle. This test is about bloodlust. It’s meant to be a reminder of what it does to him, what he craves. He feels pieces of his soul flaking off with each kill, in some vain hope that it will all fall away one day and leave him in peace.

But it backfires, because it’s been too long, and he’s killed too many by now. He doesn’t feel the swell of progress when he coats his hands in blood anymore. He continues, because he must; not because he sees an end.

He fails this test, too. He’s failing them all, one by one, and yet he continues.

His enemy is no longer unfamiliar. He sees them just the way they were the first time he’d killed them; the Jedi, the innocents, the old man, the faces looking back at him in terror and still somehow hoping for mercy. They’re already dead, but he still tears through them, one by one, and never looks back to see their bodies turning to ash behind him.

The faces will become more familiar the closer he gets. He knows this. Expects it. It doesn’t stop him from moving forward.

* * *

A greeting party of one waited at the landing dock, wrapped up tightly in his greatcoat with his hands held firm behind his back. Hux had long since been prepared for this moment, as he watched the small vessel landing nearby. Its landing whipped his coattails violently around his legs, but his hand lifted to rest on his hat, securing it until the engines shut down. Then his posture returned, rigid and professional, as he waited for the line of Stormtroopers and medical staff to depart. 

The staff walked quickly up to meet him, all cold smiles and handshakes. They introduced themselves to him one by one, and he studied each face as he took their hand, leaving him resigned in the fact that he’d never met a single one of them before this moment. The team had been hand picked, down to the assistants - leaving Hux with no allies. Phasma must not have been given her proper input, and he hoped she’d been smart enough not to argue against it.

They’d brought advanced supplies, and he was sure that each of them were highly trained medical professionals, but that did not change just how potent the latent danger in their arrival was. Each one likely knew a thousand ways to make someone die in their sleep.

“Right this way, gentlemen, ladies.” The General offered, leading them inside to their quarters. Rey was still in hers; as far away from them as possible.

With this new arrival, Hux knew the base had transformed into a bomb set to explode at any moment; and he maddeningly couldn’t guess at the fuse.  


* * *

“BEN.”

Han Solo doesn’t need to scream his name this time. He already knows who’s standing there, between him and whatever he’d come here to learn. He knows this is what he’s supposed to do, and he doesn’t want to hesitate this time. His lightsaber is already thrumming, having tasted so much death against its unsteady blade. One more wouldn’t change the outcome. One more death would neither save him, nor break him.

Han Solo was already dead, anyway. Kylo knows. He understands. This is a test, just as it was the first time he was tasked with killing his father.

He’s supposed to do better this time.

He will.

“Snoke is using you for your power.” The vision in front of him is nothing but an echo, stealing his father’s words and rehashing them in some desperate ploy to trigger his guilt. He remembers how close he’d come to believing those words, that day.

He believes them now. He knows they’re true. It changes nothing.

“When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.” His father is begging, that gravelly voice just a little out of sync this time. He comes closer, settles his hand on Kylo’s face. The imposter’s touch is too early.

“He already did.” He tells his father, in a weak snort. “When he asked me to kill you.”

“That has to be the most _pathetic_ thing I’ve ever heard.”

The voice is wrong, it doesn’t belong here in this sacred moment between him and his father and their death. He turns with a sneer to stare at the figure standing beside him, trailing smoke in his wake. Hux doesn’t belong here. Hux never belonged here. Worse yet, Kylo can’t tell if he’s just seeing another vision, or if the man was foolish enough to follow him into this temple after all.

“Get out of here.” Kylo’s voice is a warning growl, but his lightsaber is still pointed at his father. He knows what’s coming. “Get _out_ of here, Hux.”

“Why? So you can go through all of this alone? Again? How _poetically self-sacrificing_ of you.” Hux drops the cigarette to the ground and digs his heel into it, snuffing it into oblivion. “Just kill the man already. You’ve delayed enough.”

Hux guides the arm holding the lightsaber, with a gentle push. It slides slow, like a hot knife into butter, nothing like the way he’d killed his father. Hux’s hand never lets go of his arm, even after Han has crumpled and fallen, turning to dust at their feet.

“That wasn’t so hard this time, was it?” Hux asks him, in a voice he can barely recognize. He’s still holding Kylo’s arm.

“I think you’re almost to the end of this thing. Come along.”

* * *

“Still nothing?” Hux asked her, pressing his hand against the wall of Rey’s quarters. He’d kept her in his sights from the moment the team had arrived, but so far they’d all but left him and his crew alone. They kept to the research facility, installing upgraded bacta tanks among other things. None of it seemed out of place. They were doing their job, as requested.

Hux knew better than to let his guard down.

“He won’t let me in. I’ve tried as hard as I can, but all I get is silence. I know he’s alive - at least, I think I do.” Rey wanted to feel more confident in her instinct, but when she tried to convince herself of it, it only made her feel smaller.

“We have to go to the temple.” She whispered out, practically begging him to change his mind. “He’s just going to keep me locked out until he’s dead, and it’s too late to help. You know that, don’t you? This stubborn, childish little streak of bearing all his burdens alone is why he’s made so many stupid and awful choices already. Are we really going to stand here and just let that idiot make another one?”

She wasn’t wrong. Hux knew this before she’d even spilled her thoughts out in whispers, as if she was afraid someone would hear her giving any leniency to the man she was sworn to hate. He knew all of this, but that didn’t change their precarious position, and how dangerous leaving for the temple would be when the base was now potentially filled with spies.

But she didn’t know that.

In fact, she knew far too little about everything surrounding them, because both men had kept her in a tightly closed bubble of lies and half-truths. There in her bubble, they were convinced she would be safe - but safety was a far cry away from them now.

No, he told himself. He hadn’t just kept her in that bubble to be safe. It was just meant to keep her. Safety had never been his highest concern until now.

He ran his hand down the features of his face, muffling a groan into his flesh that sung of his dismay. If she was going to be safe, she needed to know the truth.

At least, some of it.

“There are complications.” He started out, his hand still pressed against his lips. He caught the movement of her chest, rising as she took a breath to start arguing before he’d even told her what the complications were. His hand dropped from his mouth to press against hers, keeping her silent. “Please, let me explain. It’s quite important.”

His tone, more than anything, was what had her swallowing that breath and falling silent. 

His hand dropped to rest unburdened against her knee. “I asked you to stay in your quarters today because we were getting new personnel. I know you felt some curiosity as to why, and I should tell you now, it is because I am relatively sure at least one of them poses a danger to us.”

She didn’t look as surprised as he would have expected - she must have figured that one out on her own. 

“Resistance?” She asked, keeping her voice as unattached as possible. His lips quirked with amusement at her attempt to be impartial.

“You would hardly be in danger if so. No, it seems there’s some dissent among my own ranks. In fact, according to my latest intel, I’ve been at least temporarily replaced.” 

All of the color drained out of Rey’s face. Apparently, she did not seem pleased with the possibility that the man whose hands she’d firmly placed herself in was now no longer in charge. He tried not to smile, but even in the worst of situations, Hux could not help but express the sharp and biting edge of his dark humor.

“ _Rey._ ” He whispered, his voice lowered as if scandalized. “Don’t tell me you were only with me for my _power._ ”

As expected, his wit drew her out of the spiral of worry she’d been falling into, and she reached out to punch him hard against his arm. “Quit it.” She muttered, eased by his terribly timed attempt at humor. “This is serious.”

“Indeed it is.” Hux murmured in agreement, rubbing his arm at the very real sting of her punch. “And that is exactly why I can’t sanction a foolhardy mission to go and rescue Ren, when we aren’t even sure he’s in any danger yet. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, we’re in more danger than he is. So until you have proof otherwise, you’re staying right here. You’re not to eat anything I don’t bring you, and you’re to keep this door locked. Is that clear?”

Rey looked ready to storm out of the room at his demands, and he knew this was the worst way to get her to do anything. But for now, with so many unknown factors affecting his ability to see the future, there was no room to play a softer hand. He only hoped his sudden authority wasn’t going to backfire and send her out into the cold on her own.

A knock on the door interrupted them before she could reply, and Hux rose quickly to open it, taking the satchel that one of his officers handed him. When he closed the door again, he brought the satchel to her attention, and held it open for inspection.

“Water, rations, a topography map, a compass, a change of clothes-”

Rey let out a strangled sound, and Hux stopped listing everything in the bag to glare up at her. “What?”

It took her a few seconds of fumbling for the right words, before she finally laughed them all out incredulously. “I thought you said we _weren’t_ going to find Kylo!” Even Hux would have to admit, the bag sent a clearly confusing mixed signal.

He sealed the satchel up again, and dropped it at her feet. “I said we aren’t going anywhere until there’s proof that we should. That does not mean I’m going to be caught _unprepared._ ” He stood up, tilting her chin up with his thumb and forefinger.

“Honestly, Rey. It’s as though you don’t know me _at all._ ” His lips thinned with a tight smirk, and left before she could remind him that she really, really didn’t.

* * *

“What is it?”

“You’re the magic user, Ren. You tell me.”

It’s the end of the line. It has to be. There’s nowhere else to go, and no more phantoms to kill. There’s just him, and strangely, Hux. The General stands beside him, stiff and on edge and _so impatient_ , reminding Ren of their days on Finalizer when working together was a tedious chore broken so rarely by the tense battles of wit and wisdom. Everything changed after Starkiller, even his relationship with the General.

Or at least, that’s what he thinks, until he looks at the man beside him.

“Go up and take it. It’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” Hux snaps out, digging another cigarette out of his pockets. He grumbles something under his breath unhappily, before he finds one.

Kylo watches him, struck dumb at the difference.

There isn’t much left for him to do but move forward and take it, whatever it is. It’s hovering between two pointed rocks, held there by what he can easily tell is a great deal of Dark force energy, but nothing about that scares him. It’s ignorance that scares him. He doesn’t know what it is, and yet he’s reaching out to take it, because what else is left but this?

“Ben, don’t touch that.”

Hearing that voice behind him manages to stay his hand, but he knows it’s not exactly meant for him. He turns, and there’s Leia, with a fresh young face yet untouched by age. She isn’t even looking at him; or she _is_ , but not the man standing there above her. She’s picking up a child, covered in swath and shadow, pulling him away from something dangerous.

“You know better.” She tells him, scolding a child that has no idea what she’s talking about. “That’s too dangerous. Where’s your father? He shouldn’t have left it all out like..”

The voice, the woman, and the child are fading, disappearing back into memory. That’s what it was, he realizes. Nothing but memory.

And yet.

“Ren.” Hux hisses, gesturing his lit cigarette at the pyramid shaped item behind him. “Focus.”

The bodies he’d carved up to get here weren’t behind him. His father’s body was gone. Everything he’d destroyed to get here was gone, until there was nothing in that cavernous space but him, Hux, this artifact of the Dark, and whatever was trying to keep him from it.

Because something _was_ trying to keep him from it. He starts to doubt that it was being defended, and begins to wonder if it is he, instead, who is being protected from _it._

Hux stills, his back arching slightly. Kylo can feel the change in him. He feels something emptying.

It’s too familiar of a feeling to ignore.

“Kylo?”

Swiveling, he catches the sight of Rey, and it’s too late to stop her. Her hand is on the pyramid, grabbing it with her fingers. It doesn’t seem to be responding to her touch and yet _she_ is responding, horrified by the way her fingers are turning to black and ash. She’s crumbling, but it’s so slow that nothing but her fingers are gone by the time she falls into his arms. When had he moved to catch her? He couldn’t remember even taking a step.

She’s there in his arms regardless, holding her crumbling hand by the wrist with her other one and mouthing in wordless anguish. Behind him, Hux is yelling for him to take the holocron. The word shoots through him with familiarity, despite having never seen one. He glares at the man, wondering exactly how Hux would know that’s what it was. The glare silences the General, stilling him back into emptiness.

There’s no one actually standing there. Kylo reaches out to feel something, anything from the man - and finds emptiness. He’s not there. No one is.

There’s no one in his arms, either.

 _This is your final step, Kylo Ren._ The most familiar voice of all fills his head, and reminds him of why he’s here. _Take it._

“What is it?” Surely the Supreme Leader would tell him that much. Whatever this was, he’d promised it would take away Kylo’s pain. It would absolve him of the emotional tethers he’s been carrying around all his life. He just wanted to know what it _was_.

_The answer to everything. Your suffering is at an end. All you must do, is reach out. Take it._

Kylo hesitates.

_TAKE IT._

He can hear every voice in his head along with Snoke’s, now. They’re a cacophony of warning, using nothing but words and voices from his own memory as their arsenal. They repeat over and over, the same lines, those same moments. They’re getting louder with every second. Above all, his mother’s voice and his father’s voice take priority over all the screams.

He’s using you. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.

Don’t touch that. It’s dangerous.

He’s on his knees before he even realizes he’s falling, holding his head in his hands to try and kill the voices with pressure. He’s screaming back at them, but he can’t hear himself. They’re too loud, and they’ve taken every measure of control away from him until he’s a sobbing wreck.

Reaching out for the holocron is his only chance. And yet he knows, deep down, that it’s no chance at all.

His fingers are rising up, stretching for it. This time, the holocron reacts, brightening with a blood red glow. It can sense the blood on his hands. It can sense his pain.

His fingers curl inwards when the voices stop, save for one.

_You will find control. Or I will find it for you._

“What are you?”

He’s not relying on Snoke, anymore. He asks the holocron, directly, in the hopes it can give him the answer. He’s close enough that it does, promising secrets beyond his imagination. There’s a promise for power, a promise for immortality, and a promise for knowledge. There’s a name whispered in its promises, a name he’s only vaguely familiar with. A name that he knows only through books and history.

A name that doesn’t promise him anything, when it comes to his particular malady of emotional absorption.

He can feel Snoke’s anger rising up like a physical presence, crawling up his spine and raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

“Do you promise all of these things for me? If I take this?”

A holocron, even one so Dark it thrives on blood, is still just a holocron. It does not have the cleverness to lie.

 _Not you._ It whispers to him. _You will die._

And there it was. It almost enrages him to know his father was too literally right. There was never going to be anything, or anyone, that could help him. He’s poured all of his faith, and trust, into a lie.

He would give anything to feel surprise.

* * *

It hadn’t even been a full day and Rey was already feeling the itch of restlessness under her skin. She paced her room, back and forth, occasionally feeling out in the hopes Kylo had finally dropped his barriers. He never did, of course. Meals came and went, each of them hand delivered by Hux (which was disarming as _hell_ , and she really didn’t know how long she would be able to handle that), but when the hour for dinner came and went without him showing up it was too much to bear. She’d unlocked her door, and stuck her head out of a crack just to see if the halls were clear.

They weren’t.

Before the Stormtroopers that cased the hallways could get anywhere near her door, she slammed it shut and locked it again. Since when did they patrol the private quarters hallways? 

Why did this base suddenly feel very much like a prison?

She heard the door unlocking and backed away from it, startled by the sound. When Hux opened the door, he paused, surprised to see her standing so close with expressive discomfort visible in the lines of her pinched up face. He closed the door behind him, set the tray down on a side table nearby, and stepped forward to place his hands on her arms.

“What’s wrong?”

She was going to disappoint him. She was going to ruin everything. She was going to destroy any chance she had at doing something good because there was no way in _hell_ she was staying in what amounted to a prison for one more day. Her chest was heaving with the beginnings of hyperventilation, and Hux pursed his lips in a frown before tugging her hard into his arms.

Being held wasn’t so surprising, anymore. Even when it came at the hands of a General of the First Order. She was panicking, and he knew that this worked. It soothed the quickness of her breath, and reminded her that she was not alone.

But that made it even harder to tell him what she needed to say.

“I can’t do this.” She whispered, her arms folded so tightly between them that they were pressed against his chest. She felt the moment his breathing stilled, and his body hardened to stiffness. It made her wince, but she knew he couldn’t see it. “I can’t be here anymore. I’m sorry Hux. I truly am. But I just - if this is what it’s going to be like, up there on the ship. Trapped in a room, hiding from danger. This isn’t going to work.”

She was right, of course. _Nothing_ of his plan would work, if the mood on the Finalizer was anything like this. It wasn’t even his ship anymore - a mistake he was desperate to rectify.

That would be more difficult, on his own. Not impossible. Not optimal, either. But that had never stopped him before.

“This is your final decision?” The unsteadiness in his voice was cleared almost immediately.

She couldn’t answer that question. She thought she’d decided, but things were never as bad as they seemed in the warmth of an embrace. She pulled away, forced herself to feel the chill of loneliness returning to her skin, and fell into silence. 

She’d been so sure of herself a few moments ago. Before he was there, looking down into her eyes.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” She didn’t know what, if anything, she was pushing the choice away for. She just wanted a little more time. The answer wouldn’t change tomorrow. Nothing would. She was stalling for time, that was all. Time for what, however, she really couldn’t fathom.

She felt less guilty about it when she watched the way her answer made his lips threaten to smile. Every expression on his face was so small, so tense and bare, but she found herself becoming accustomed to each one. This one meant he was pleased. She answered it with a relieved grin, one that hid that gnawing reminder of what disappointment looked like on his face.

He let her go to give her the tray he’d brought. “Then eat, and tell me what spurred this sudden change of heart.” 

Rey took the tray, and turned to walk back to her bed. At least she wouldn’t have to eat her dinner alone, she reasoned, already trying to find excuses to convince herself that she was strong enough to stick it out on the base until the danger was past.

But she never quite made it to the bed, and Hux tilted his head to see why she’d stopped before getting there, only to watch the tray of food clatter messily onto the ground. When he caught a glance at the side of her expression, he could have guessed what had startled her - but he never would have expected to feel the creep of dread burying itself into his own psyche, as if whatever had Rey caught in its grip was bleeding out into him, as well.

He shook the feeling off. He wanted nothing to do with it.

“He told me we need to steal a ship.” Rey’s skin had lost any trace of color. Whatever Kylo had opened up to her for was thoroughly frightening her. “Get out. Now. It’s not safe here.”

“I already knew that.” Hux snorted, walking around to face the girl as she continued to speak.

“No. It’s even worse now. Right now. Something’s changed - Snoke’s going to be angry - he wants us to come get him.” Her eyes finally locked onto Hux’s, no longer glazed and staring out into nothing. “I know exactly where he is. Hux, he’s done something terrible.”

His eyes flickered, reading into her expression so deeply she could have sworn he was able to dig into her mind. He sobered up, and she could tell instantly by the way he spoke that he’d taken this threat particularly seriously. 

Still. “What else is new.” He grumbled out, moving out of her way and returning to the door. “Grab your cold weather gear. Put it on - quickly. We will not be _stealing_ a ship. We are taking mine, and we are leaving. Now.”

She didn’t move. She didn’t like the way he’d said we. She didn’t like any of this, if she was going to be honest. Hux let out a slow breath through his nose, clearly frustrated at her lack of movement.

“And Kylo?” She asked.

The surprise in his expression was soothing. She shouldn’t have doubted him.

But then, he chuckled, and his expression twisted in wry acceptance. “All right. I deserve that. As tempting as the idea is, we won’t be leaving him to rot. Now _please_ , get your coat. I suspect time is of the essence right now.”

He had no idea how true that actually was. 

He was the only one who heard the sounds of someone trying the door before knocking. Rey had already moved to grab her coat when the knock itself came, but he was already on edge, moving away from the door in case blasters came into play.

The knock was so cordial. So normal. It was almost pathetic.

He was at her side in a matter of a few long steps, grabbing her by the arm to pull her closer. When he leaned in, his whispered voice was hardly a breath, and he found himself wishing for the first time ever that he had some of those ridiculous, troublesome powers of theirs. Discretion would have been better, here.

“Can you sense them?” He shuddered out, unsure of whether she’d mastered anything more than blocking in her time with Ren. He had his answer in the form of a nod, and the flutter of her eyelashes. 

She lifted up three fingers, and mouthed out the word blasters. She’d even managed to hold up her fingers like guns to make sure he got the message, and if they weren’t in such dire circumstances he would have found it disarmingly endearing.

His own blaster was pulled from the thin holster at his side, and immediately her hand pressed hard against his wrist. She shook her head, and her eyes widened with both assurance, and threat. She wasn’t going to let him kill anyone, if she could help it.

He kept the safety off, in case she couldn’t help it.

“I’ve never done three before.” She admitted, both of her hands raising up in front of her. “Probably won’t hold for more than a second or two. Open the door, take their blasters.”

Hux wondered at what point he would be able to take their guns, if they were pointed directly into his stomach, but he opened the door regardless.

“General Hux, by order of Supreme Leader Snoke-”

He reached out to each ‘trooper, his hands resting on top of their blasters, and their voices garbled into silence. They couldn’t move, nor could they keep the weapons in their hands. He pulled them out, one by one, and held two under his arm with the third one pointed directly at them.

She’d done that. She’d frozen three men long enough to disarm them. Apparently, Ren had taught her more than he’d expected - though keeping someone frozen did seem the kind of helpful trick a pacifist would want to learn.

“Gentlemen, please finish that sentence.” Hux asked them, his voice bubbling with pleasantry. “I want to know exactly what orders our great Supreme Leader has issued.”

They hesitated, clanking their helmets against their armor as they looked at one another.

“Hux, _time_?” Rey begged, slipping past the ‘troopers with her satchel in tow. He knew she was right, that they didn’t have time for this, but his priorities were shifting as easily as sand. He took his own blaster to a ‘troopers temple, bearing down on it until the man had to tilt to the left from the pressure of the weapon threatening to kill him.

“Orders, soldier?”

His cruel, menacing tone sped their decision. “To arrest you, sir.”

“And the girl?”

Not even a gun was going to pry that answer out of the ‘trooper, but silence was the only answer Hux needed. He itched to pull that trigger, to eliminate the possibility that they would re-arm and follow the two of them on their way out. Snoke’s orders were clear - and Hux did not want these men given the slightest chance of succeeding in their mission. They were men of war. There was no dishonor to this.

It was the tug of Rey’s hand against his arm that kept him from eliminating the threat, but nothing kept him from regretting it.

He did not like to leave frayed edges behind.

Despite now being armed to the teeth, the walk to the docking bay was surprisingly uneventful. Hux handed Rey one of the ‘troopers blasters, and then gestured for her to load herself into the back of his command shuttle. He hated the damn thing, all the way down to every impressive detail that ruined it’s actual flight capability. But it was this, or the carrier that the medical staff had come in - and he doubted the speed on that carrier would be much better, let alone any defensive systems. At least his shuttle was nigh impenetrable once it was in the air.

That would probably come in handy, soon.

When he fell into step behind her, he found her sliding into the pilot’s seat of the cockpit. He dropped the weapons nearby, and leaned against the co-pilot’s seat, glaring down at her sternly.

It took her a few moments of priming the engines before she realized he was staring. “What?”

His finger pressed gently at her nose, and then turned to point firmly at the co-pilot’s seat. She blinked up in alarm. The dawning of realization came slow, but her slink into the co-pilot’s seat came even slower. Apparently, she hadn’t expected the General to know how to fly his own shuttle. If she’d known proper etiquette, she still would have made this assumption; he had a pilot with him on mission flights at all times. But the assumption was wrong, nonetheless.

General Hux was a capable, near reckless pilot. It had been years since he’d been in the cockpit himself, and this was perhaps the only feature of this wretched situation that he was looking forward to.

“Input the coordinates.” He commanded of her, settling down in the seat and strapping in. “They’ll be back with reinforcements in minutes. Do you get motion sickness easily, Rey?”

He didn’t get to see the way she laughed, but it sounded just genuine enough to get a toothy grin out of him.

“Good.”

The screech of a dangerously quick ascension was the only thing the ‘troopers managed to catch, when they filed into the docking bay. The shuttle was gone before they were all outside.

Gone, but not very far.

“Is he there?” Hux hissed out, reaching out to transfer power from the shields he’d automatically put up, to the engines that needed the boost to keep up with his demands.

Rey didn’t have to answer. As they neared the temple, looming up menacingly in their field of vision, he could see the figure of Kylo Ren waiting just outside of it, his black figure cutting a swath against the snow. Hux flicked a switch to open the ramp of the ship, and in a move so terrifying even Rey had to scream, he veered in a harsh turn until the ship was suddenly facing the other way.

He heard the expected thump of a man powerful enough to make the jump from the ground to the ramp, and hit the switch for the back of the ship to close up again. Then he heard a second thump, and finally turned his head around.

Ren was lying on the ground, out of breath, but still moving. Hux could hear the sound of Rey unbuckling, stumbling over her seat to get back to him. He kept his eyes on the horizon, as they rose up into the atmosphere.

“His side’s a mess, he needs help.” Rey called out to Hux. “But he’s not bleeding. He’s awake.”

And then she smacked the man, proving that he was conscious. Ren growled up at her for it. 

“Never do that again.” She demanded, punching his shoulder a second time. It was almost torture to listen to it without being able to watch Rey mercilessly pummel the critically injured man on the ground. So Hux laughed, instead.

The stream of light left the ship as they broke atmosphere, finally leveling out in the deep black void of space.

He wasn’t preparing for light speed. Rey caught on to this a few moments in, as they sped quietly past stars, away from the planet she still did not know the name of. She left Ren to stand behind her co-pilot’s chair, leaning in to look out of the viewport for some indication of their destination.

“So what now?” She asked, side-glancing at him carefully. From what she could see, Hux looked wild eyed, and determined. Either the flight itself was exhilarating him, or there was something more.

“Now,” He informed her, with his eyes still caught on the stars. “We go back to the Finalizer.”

She was too stunned to react, but the injured man in the back seemed too furious to hold back. _”What?”_ Kylo seethed out, suddenly determined to hobble to his feet.

Rey returned to the back, pushed him down by the shoulders, and sat beside him to keep him there. That didn’t change the look of confusion - no, terror, real terror, that flickered on her face.

Neither of their reactions seemed to trouble Hux. “To catch you up, the Supreme Leader felt it necessary to try and have me arrested. And have her eliminated on sight. I’m going to assume whatever happened in that temple must have something to do with that, but that does not change the outcome - we seem to be in danger of being quietly snuffed out of existence.”

“Then WHY are we returning to the Finalizer? That’s nothing but Snoke’s men!” The shrillness of Rey’s voice startled Kylo, and he winced, reaching to his side. She pushed his hand away before he could touch the burned skin and disturb it further, as if she knew exactly what he was about to do.

“They are not _Snoke’s_ men.” Hux clipped back at her, finally turning his head to spare them both a glare. “Those are _my_ men on that ship, who are loyal to Supreme Leader Snoke because I have _ordered_ them to be. If Snoke had full control of the Stormtrooper program, he would have killed Phasma and myself off long ago. And he wouldn’t have sent down a small, private team to put us out of our misery. He was only beginning to stir dissent against me, the last time we spoke. Putting Mitaka in my place will work against him when I return.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ren growled out. “They’ll kill her on sight. You, too.”

“Oh, so confident that you’ll be spared, Ren?” Hux chuckled out with a distinct laugh of amusement. He turned his head again to get a better look at him. “If you’re positive that I’m putting her in danger along with myself, what makes you so sure they won’t just kill us all?”

The hand Rey kept using to push Ren away from his own wound was grabbed, and pulled against him. He placed the fingers of her hand against his chest, and then lifted his head to look at them, holding them up one by one to make sure they were whole. The touch was strange and foreign for Rey, but there was only one thing she felt when she watched him staring at her fingers. It was the relief of knowing that whatever had happened in that temple hadn’t changed him for the worse, after all.

“He was using me to retrieve something from that temple. He still needs me.”

“Needs to use you, you mean.”

Despite the words coming from Hux’s mouth, the sentiment was mirrored in Rey’s eyes.

“ _Is this really the best time for I-told-you-so’s._ ” Ren grumbled. The bitter, childish snark in his growl had Hux feeling far more confident about his physical state.

“I promise, that’s not what I was doing. If anything, I’m glad to hear there’s some kind of leverage keeping you alive. Now I’m even more certain we won’t be blown out of the sky before we reach the Finalizer.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Ren punctured the words out into the air as if to say he was done trying to understand the General’s motives, but Rey’s discomfort had yet to be assuaged.

“And _then_ what?” She urged him on, begging for some kind of explanation as to what the newly ousted General planned to do when he landed on his former Star Destroyer, and how it would keep them from being killed on sight.

“And then,” Hux straightened in his seat, catching a glimpse of his menacing sneer of determination mirrored back at him from the glare of the viewport. Beyond, he could see the first signs of the Finalizer looming up ahead. _”I take back my ship.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one got away from me. A lot of shit had to go down, which is why I didn't manage to post it exactly on the 4th like I'd hoped, but instead now in the middle of the night (morning?) but it was important to get it right this time. Hope you guys don't mind!
> 
> As far as post schedule goes, I think I'm finding it's more important to give myself the time to get things out right than to post fast, so I'm going to slow down a little bit. Chapters will probably get posted every two days instead of every other day, or something like that.
> 
> IN OTHER NEWS I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT STAR WARS DAY!! Though this is a better day anyway, Revenge of the Fifth. You know damn well I'm all about that Sith. This is my jam. 
> 
> Did you guys get Bloodline? IF NOT YOU SHOULD IT IS THE BEST BOOK EVER!!!!
> 
> So yes, hope you enjoyed that tense chapter of tenseness, and know that it'll only get worse before it gets better, because my life is suffering. Let me know what you think. LOVE YOU GUYS. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME!


	20. Chapter 20

Every detail about the plan managed to dissatisfy Ren. Every single choice was met with complaint, from the way Hux was flying to the way they would disguise Rey. He remained on edge throughout it all, snapping with judgement at every turn.

It was clear that they couldn’t walk Rey into the facility dressed in the civilian fatigues she’d been wearing, but there had to be troops and officers that would recognize her face by sight. She needed an outfit that would either hide her identity, or at least all keep eyes off of her; and each of them had their own ideas about the best choice in mind.

“We’re not shackling the poor girl.” Hux huffed out, keeping his voice quiet as Rey searched through the lockers in the back. “But please, by all means, suggest it to her. I missed your earlier beating, and I’d so love to see a reprisal.”

Ren took the co-pilot’s seat while Rey was gone, holding his side carefully to keep the wound from tearing open at any sudden movement. He bared his teeth threateningly at the pilot, despite Hux’s eyes being firmly focused ahead of him. 

“How can you still make jokes at a time like this.” Ren had the charming ability to keep his voice low despite his anger, but that did not relinquish the intensity bearing down on each word. Hux felt them like stones, trying to weigh his mood down. They were failing.

“You should have a little more faith. Snoke isn’t on that ship, and any orders he’s throwing out right now are being responded to with highly unusual amounts of bureaucratic tape. The main troops won’t even hear about it until after we’ve arrived. Trust me.”

“Why should I?”

That managed to pull Hux’s attention from the black space in front of him, slowly turning his head to regard Ren with high risen eyebrows.

“I suppose you’re right. You have little reason to trust me, right now. Nor do I have any proper reason to trust you.”

His words were carefully chosen, and they did their job; Ren flickered his eyes away, staring sullenly at a spot just behind the pilot’s seat. Hux waited, giving him the time he needed to think. It was a fair bit of time before Ren finally grumbled out a strange, unexpected response.

“You were there.” He admitted, causing Hux’s brow to shoot up further. “In the temple. You were telling me to take the holocron.”

“Was I?” Something about the way Ren told him this had him instantly on edge, as if there was importance there that he didn’t quite grasp yet. “I suppose that’s what stopped you, is it?”

Ren shook his head; Hux barely caught the movement out of the side of his eyes, now that he’d turned back to the viewport. “Everyone else was trying to stop me. You were the only one who encouraged - but it wasn’t you. It was you, but different.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Hux felt an uncomfortable agitation running up his spine that was only getting worse with the vagueness with which Ren was explaining the situation. “Are you telling me you envision me as some sort of - what? Devil on your shoulder?”

_”No._ Damn it, would you just _let me talk._ ” The flame of infuriating impatience was back in Ren’s voice, and for some reason that gave Hux exactly what he needed to relax. He sighed, and pursed his lips shut as reward for the familiar, comforting anger. 

It wouldn’t last.

“I knew it wasn’t you.” Ren barely hissed out, leaning in carefully. “At least, not anymore.”

The very imperceptible straightening of Hux’s back was a slow, rigid motion, but by the time he’d turned stiff as a board, he was no longer breathing. He understood, now. It hadn’t taken much.

He refused to acknowledge the heat of Ren’s gaze, bearing down on him, waiting for some kind of a response.

He would always refuse it.

“Why can’t I just wear this?” Rey returned from the back lockers with a large, clunky Stormtrooper helmet bobbing loose around her head. She couldn’t actually see them, so instead of stopping she simply walked into the back of the co-pilot’s seat and let the feel of it halt her. She was already answering her own question, but that did not stop Ren from using her return as a distraction. He reached up, and pulled the helmet just enough to be able to see her eyes peeking out from under it.

“Don’t you think you’re a little short to be a Stormtrooper?” He asked, his voice remarkably light considering how sullen he’d been a moment earlier. But even Hux had to admit, it was hard not to find humor in the sight of Rey’s lithe body holding up the exaggerated helmet on her head.

“I’m not that much shorter than Finn!” She snapped back at him, pulling the helmet back down until it covered her face again. “Besides. They can’t see me if I’m dressed like a Stormtrooper. There’s a whole bunch of suits back there. I could probably find one that fits.”

Both men spared a glance at one another with expressions that silently doubted it.

“You’ll dress like a petty officer, and keep the hat low. Hair tucked under it. No one is going to give you a second thought.”

“She’d be less noticed as a prisoner.” Ren still argued, leaning back to keep from being swiped by Rey’s blind, swinging arms. _”Watch it._ ”

“Are _you_ going to put the cuffs on her?” Hux asked, cleverly ignoring the way Rey suddenly pulled her helmet up over her head and glared violently at Ren. It was the subsequent silence, followed by a long sigh of resignation, that told Hux all he needed to know.

He tried not to smile, and failed.

“Petty officer it is. Locker 421. Those should fit you, they were Lt. Farrahs. She was about your size.”

Rey turned to head back down towards the lockers, leaving the two men alone again. If Hux was worried that their conversation was going to turn back towards whatever chilling moment of discovery they’d been in before Rey had interrupted, he needn’t have worried. Ren was far more preoccupied, now.

“I thought that was just a rumor.”

“Hmm?” Hux barely shifted, glancing at the man for a moment. “What was?”

“You and Farrah.”

A blaze of anger tore through every inch of Hux’s body, curling his toes and crushing the controls under his tightened grip. His skin was flushing, turning an unattractive shade of red, and he reached to press the auto-pilot switch, temporarily taking him out of control. Only then did he turn fully to Ren, and struggled to find the words to adequately express his outrage without actually just screaming into the volatile man’s face.

“If there were - _rumors_ concerning the nature of my relationship with Lt. Farrah, I can assure you they were nothing but that. I cannot express how much I loathe rumors, but to know that such an unprofessional one was being - “

His tirade was interrupted by the startling sight of Ren’s face. His pale skin was flushing with mottled color, and his eyes were thin with such dangerous, simmering rage, that it shocked Hux into silence. Yet - as soon as Hux’s quiet tirade had stopped, Ren’s face smoothed over until there was nothing but sorrow and thick, childish pouts to be seen on that dark expression.

It took Hux a few seconds to realize what had just happened, and he shoved the sharp stab of pity down as quickly as he could before Ren could feel that, too.

“Too much?” Hux murmured, his focus disintegrating when Ren pulled his lower lip between his teeth. Ren nodded, his fingers clenching and unclenching as they ached to hold the helmet that no longer existed. Instead, he reached out and took the Stormtrooper helmet Rey’d left behind, but he didn’t put it on over his head. He simply held it in his hands, glaring down with brooding focus at it.

“We could work on that.” Hux made the offer before he could even think about what he was saying. He reached out to turn the auto-pilot off, and took control again. “Have you ever tried that? Practicing with someone else, I mean. It could be like a muscle - perhaps you just need to train it.”

He received no response from the sullen man beside him, and refused to look in his direction this time. He didn’t need an answer; he was already regretting making the offer.

And the Finalizer was mere minutes away.

The silence was not as heavy between them, in the moments that followed. In fact, it was probably doing both of them a great deal of good to be left to their own thoughts, in preparation for what was to come. Even if the conversation had left them a great deal more distracted than ever.

“I need a new helmet.” Ren broke the silence with a melancholy air, as he turned the Stormtrooper helmet over and over in his hands. Hux wondered just how desperate the man was to hide the expressiveness that came from his reactions, but all he could think about was the details of emotion he’d seen in Ren’s face. The twist and turn of his lips; the flame burning in rounded eyes; the hard lines of a clenched jaw. He’d only seen it for a moment, and the thought of it still haunted him.

He could see just how important that helmet was. Had always been. Would always be.

“Will it be difficult to acquire?” Hux asked, in a failed attempt to keep his voice light. “Without Snoke’s help, I mean.”

Ren shook his head, and set the helmet down on the ground. “It was just a helmet.”

“How do I look?” When she finally did return, Rey was wearing the full suit of a First Order officer, complete with the small rank indicator over her breast and the dark, flapped hat sitting too far over her ears on her head. Her hair was hanging out from all edges in the most unprofessional manner, and Hux snorted as he caught sight of her from the reflection in the viewport.

“Like someone trying to infiltrate the First Order. Badly. But it fits, at least.”

After Hux’s assessment received nothing but a huff, Ren rose from the co-pilots seat in a slow, pained movement. Rey’s complaints about him moving too much were hardly given time to surface before he was already up, sliding behind her and knocking her hat off of her head.

“You look ridiculous.” He informed her, reaching out to pull the messy buns out of her hair, one by one.

She froze, any possible response immediately dying on her lips. Kylo’s long fingers were digging into her hair, and she gave it several seconds before finally reacting. She fought against her first instinct, which was to turn around and punch him directly in the face. She chose to go with her second, less violent instinct instead.

“I didn’t say you could touch my hair, Kylo.” She hissed out, a warning for him to stop.

“Don’t be a child.” He muttered, releasing all of the buns and running his hands through her hair. He could feel the way her entire body shivered at the touch, and and pursed his lips into a hard scowl in order to keep the smile off of his face. “You need this done right.”

“Don’t worry, Rey. Ren is a natural hairstylist. Look at the wonders of nature he’s managed on his own head.” Hux was clearly teasing, but his eyes were locked with interest on the sight that reflected back through the viewport, of Kylo Ren pulling the girl’s hair tight around her head to set it in a bun. No one would have ever believed such a domestic sight could come so easily from that man.

Even as he sat there, he was unable to tear his eyes away from the expression of concentration on Ren’s face. There was an unnatural beauty in all his features, coming together with strong lines and long curves. Even if he’d just been joking about the hair, Hux had to admit it was hard to look away from him.

“Your lack of helmet is actually going to work in our favor.” Hux murmured, desperate to shift his focus away from staring. “These men have never actually seen Kylo Ren. They’re curious.” He leaned back in his seat, They’ll be too busy trying to catch a glimpse of your face, to care one lick about hers.”

“Doubtful.” Ren murmured, softer than he’d probably intended. He pulled his hands through her hair one last time, and then smoothed over it until her hair was slick against her skull.

“Ow.” She muttered through clenched teeth. “You’re pulling.”

“This is standard. I have no gel to keep your hair in check. It has to be tight.”

The Finalizer was all but filling the viewports screen, but Hux was still stealing glimpses of the two of them through the reflection. It was like watching a vehicle crash, or an explosion. He couldn’t look away.

_”Ow.”_ She repeated, this time trying to turn when he’d tightened the band around her hair. He snapped the band into place rougher than necessary out of sheer aggravation, and bent down to pick up the hat he’d knocked off her head. It was settled tight over the bun, and pulled snugly over her this time. Now it fit, with no overlap on the sides.

And she had to admit, when she bent down to look at her reflection, she did look more like she belonged.

“I’m not going to thank you for that torture.” Rey informed him, reaching out to pinch the meat of Ren’s arm. He pulled the arm away at her touch, and settled a gaze down on her, half-lidded and insolent. If he was really as unhappy with her reaction as his expression attempted to convey, however, Hux guessed he wouldn’t be standing quite that close, looming down as though to impress his very being on her.

“I wouldn’t know what to think if you _did_ show any sign of manners like that, so rest assured, I wasn’t expecting it.”

Something of the heat that should have accompanied such an angry conversation was missing, lost between them as they kept a locked gaze and waited for the other to break. It was Rey, this time, who couldn’t help herself. The twitch of her lips was all Ren needed, flickering his gaze to the movement and narrowing his eyes with victory.

She was trying not to smile. That was all the thanks he needed.

“If I could break up this charming moment, I’d like to point out we’re likely seconds away from being hailed, and minutes away from docking. Should we get blown out of the sky without a chance to defend ourselves, I thought I’d offer my sincerest apologies for getting you both killed.” Hux reached up and flipped a switch, smiling so recklessly it made both of his passengers wonder how he could be this calm about their situation. His words managed to get Rey to slide back into the co-pilot’s seat, and Ren returned to a passenger’s seat behind them, picking up the Stormtrooper helmet once more.

“But since we are not, in fact, being destroyed on sight, I’d like to make some suggestions. Ren, your _charismatic charm_ is going to be what keeps all eyes on you. So perhaps you can turn it up a little, once we’ve arrived, if you get my notion?”

Hux was asking for the exact opposite of charm, when he turned his vibrant, dangerous eyes towards Ren. In fact, judging from the coldness of his smile, he was giving Ren full permission to be as frightening as possible. This was a command Ren looked gladly ready to comply with.

“And Rey, your job is to stand exactly two feet behind the two of us, hands clasped behind your back, head forward, chin tilted up, hat covering your eyes, and just - look haughty.”

“Look like you’re him, basically.” Ren added, eliciting a helpless snort from Rey. Without a thought, she turned her head, grinning back at him. Ren’s brief stint with tranquility took a stumble when he was gifted a grin she’d so thoughtlessly shared, forcing him to remind himself that she wasn’t his friend, the way she sometimes made it seem. 

She hated him, he reminded himself. She hated him.

Her grin fell when she heard those words chanted in his head, so loud they’d spilled over as if he’d screamed them. She was still looking back at him, but the gentle comforts of camaraderie had disappeared.

_Is that really what you think?_

He tore himself away, refusing to look in her eyes again.

An ear-splitting crackle breached the silence, and when it faded Captain Phasma’s mechanically distorted voice filled the cockpit, demanding security codes.

“And what a pleasure it is to hear your voice, Captain.” Hux breathed out, relief flooding him until it was visible in his smile. “Transmitting now. Might I ask for an update on the ship’s current security situation?”

She knew he wasn’t asking about security.

“Sir, of course. General Mitaka is working hard to put together a statement to deliver to the troops tomorrow morning. We have things well in hand.”

In the subtext, Captain Phasma had just told him that her attempts at bureaucratic stagnation had been successful. The entire ship was still unaware of the Supreme Leader’s new order, and would remain so until the morning. 

“Excellent news. We’re preparing for landing, receiving instructions now.”

“I’ll be at the bay to welcome you, sir.”

The transmission stuttered and died, leaving Hux to steer the ship into the appropriate bay with slow, careful movements.

“I trust you caught that, Ren.” He murmured, keeping his eyes on his work. “We have until tomorrow morning - unless Snoke himself boards this ship. You’re the only one who would be able to recognize if he’s done so. Please do let me know if our timetable gets moved up unexpectedly.”

He took silence to mean Ren was already committed to the task, but Rey’s confusion was palpable beside him, and he reached out his hand, holding it palm upwards towards her. It reminded him of the first time he’d trusted in his instincts about her, holding out his coat without looking in her direction. She hadn’t disappointed him then, nor did she now, as she intertwined her fingers in his and took it.

“We’ll be all right.” He assured her. “It’s just going to be a long night. I won’t be able to stay with either of you while I work through this. It’s best if you’re not seen until I’ve taken the ship back under my control. But Ren will be with you.”

There was a grunt from the passengers seats, but it was a noise of assent, instead of some kind of complaint.

“Admittedly, that may be a fate worse than death. I apologize.”

“Even now,” Ren sighed out his head hitting the back of the seat. “You manage to be an insufferable asshole.”

Then came a bubble of infectious laughter, starting soft in Rey’s chest and creeping it’s way into Hux. There was nothing loud or boisterous about it; the tension of their predicament was too thick to allow more than a gentle chuckle, at best. But it was there, bouncing back and forth between them, bolstered by the groan of annoyance that was Ren’s only contribution to their amusement.

“Thank you, Ren.” Hux offered, clearing the laughter out of his throat. “That’s quite a compliment.”

“Don’t get used to it.” Ren snapped back, his own voice betraying the unfamiliar, but undeniable threat of affection despite how desperately he tried to sound angry. He laid his head back on the seat again, glaring up at the ceiling in some vain hope of a return to apathy.

Despite his position, it was still impossible to miss the way Rey’s laugh-crinkled eyes peeked out from behind the co-pilot’s seat, hiding the rest of her face behind it.

In hindsight, the levity was all that kept them from lingering on the sight of the Finalizer ahead of them, the looming giant hovering still in space that was more than likely to be their tomb. When their vessel finally slid into the bay, surrounding them on all four sides with metal and machinery instead of the open freedom of space, that levity was now gone, replaced by a cold, disheartening dread.

Hux squeezed the hand still lost in his own, for his own sake just as much as it was for hers.

There was silence as they felt the jolt of being latched on to, and Hux shut down the ship systems one by one before flicking the switch to open the hatch. He unhitched his safety belt and moved in one swift, smooth motion, to lead them down the ramp. At the top of it, he paused to wait, and registered the warm brush of a black cloak against the sides of his greatcoat, and the shadow of a presence looming protectively just beside him. He turned just long enough to make sure Rey was in place as he’d instructed, and tilted his chin up at her, in silent reminder. She caught his advice, and her chin lifted higher.

It didn’t quite work. No matter how hard her posture was, or how she tried to emulate his demeanor, he saw gentleness in every feature his eyes lingered on, and loathed to consider that problematic when it looked so right on her.

He returned to position, schooled his expression with intense dislike, and whispered quietly at the man beside him.

“Turn on that charm, Ren.”

If the sound that Ren made in response truly was a laugh, Hux was glad the man kept his laughter to himself. It chilled him to the core, clenching until he forced himself to relax. He needed calm, not dread - or excitement.

He marched off of the ramp, his lip curling with the hint of a sneer, and his companions followed. The shadow of insignificance behind him, and the imposing threat at his side. He made no attempt to gauge the reaction of the detail that was lined up waiting for them. His eyes remaining focused on Phasma from the moment she came into view.

She fell into step at his side, furthering the wall of imposition the commanding group were creating in front of Rey.

“General Hux, sir. Commander Ren, sir.” The lower officer behind them received no greeting, as was to be expected. “Welcome back on board.”

“Thank you, Captain. I take it General Mitaka is aware of our presence? I wish to speak with him immediately.”

“He has been made aware, sir. You may head directly there if you wish.”

He did not wish. He kept that particular thought to himself, as he nodded his thanks at the Captain and continued his way out of the docking bay and into the lifts.

Once they were inside, it was Ren that pressed the button to indicate their destination. They were headed to his quarters, after all.

“Well?” Hux snapped out at him, sharper than he’d intended.

“You were right. Moreso than I’d like to admit; your Stormtroopers are a gossipy bunch. They were too focused on trying to look at me without meeting my eye - just one glanced at Rey, and turned his thoughts down a direction that he will no longer remember.” 

Rey was searching the two of them, her eyes moving from one to the other. They looked like strangers to her now, and something about the ease with which they’d returned to their cruel demeanors had her shrinking with disdain. Ren had already manipulated someone’s mind without a second thought, and the way he spoke of it so deviously was surfacing a fear inside of her that she hadn’t realized she’d lost until now.

If either of them realized just how uncomfortable she was, they made no mention of it.

Upon reaching Ren’s quarters, he opened the door and let her enter it first. The room itself was painfully sparse, with a single bed on it’s corner, along with a bench facing what could only be a shrine to a burnt up helmet. If either of them thought bringing her to Ren’s room was going to help her with this transition, they were both very sorely mistaken.

“Refresher, there.” Ren waved his hand brusquely at a section of black wall that could have been recognized as a door, if it wasn’t so similar to the rest of the wall. She made for it immediately, if only because there was a part of her, growing every minute, that needed to pull away from them.

He knew that. Hux did not. When she gave them both one last, troubled glance, Hux stepped forward to intercept her retreat, and Ren’s gloved hand pressed hard against his chest to stop him. He pulled the General back before Rey could notice, and let her disappear into the room alone.

“Explain yourself.” Hux demanded, pushing Ren’s hand away. 

Bending closer to face the General directly gave Hux an intimate view of Ren’s eyes, which held a haunting fear within them. It took Hux several seconds before he realized; that wasn’t _his_ fear lying there beneath the surface.

The General turned his gaze back to the door, and his thoughts to the girl within it.

“All of your machinations could not prepare you for the moment you had her here, could it.” Ren whispered, a strange victory keening in his voice. “She sees right through us, here, where we belong. This won’t work the way you’re hoping, General.”

“And what do you suggest I am _hoping_ for, Ren?” Hux hissed back, refusing to turn back into the man’s heated gaze.

There came that chilling laugh again, low and throaty and entirely unbearable. Ren was leaning even closer, until his voice was a tangible presence of breath against Hux’s ear.

“She will never love a monster.”

If Ren had worded that any other way, he would have gotten a rise out of the General. As it was, he’d used precisely the wrong set of phrases to destroy his objective, and all he got in return was a long eyeroll that landed Hux’s gaze back on his. The General had no issue looking into his eyes, now. He looked utterly in control.

“That’s a rather childish notion with no basis on fact. I thought you knew me better than to assume I was ever interested in anything like that, from anyone. If you mean to say you’re using those understated abilities of yours to catch hints of attraction coming from me, then let me put your mind at ease.”

He meant to do the opposite, in fact, lifting his head up to match Ren’s threatening imposition with one of his own. Had Ren not backed away at the lurch, Hux’s face would have collided with his in ways he was unprepared for. It was a successful move, returning the upper hand to the General once more.

“I don’t make it a habit to deny myself the simpler pleasures in life as long as they do not conflict with my goals, or my command. For now, that happens to be the case. If you’re really going to exhibit this level of jealousy just because I don’t mind holding the girl, or taking her hand, then perhaps you should be asking yourself what it is _you’re_ hoping for, and find a more successful way of achieving those hopes. Mm?”

The last sound of Hux’s rant, murmured through closed lips, was nearly against Ren’s face. He winced, and forced himself to hold his ground.

“I don’t need to hope for anything. I’ve already foreseen it.”

That got a proper reaction out of the General. He pulled back, his expression transforming with confusion. “Seen what, exactly?”

“Her. Here. Only, it was different.” A streak of guilt flickered in his gaze, and Hux caught it and held his breath. “Little things were different. But the result is the same.”

It was a moment, rare as it might be, when Hux wished Ren wasn’t as easy to read as he was without the mask. He saw the words that weren’t leaving his lips, as if they were written in the reflection of his eyes. He saw them as easily as if he’d used the Force to read Ren’s mind.

Hux had never been in that vision, before. He was what was different. He’d changed everything.

“I - see.” The halt in his voice was brushed away by the swift movement of his body, pulling away from Ren to turn for the door. “What matters is that there’s reason for her to stay and perform her duties on this ship, now that we have her. I leave the rest to you.”

Ren’s hand clamped down on Hux’s arm, wrenching him back to look at him. He held the General with both hands on his arms now, clutching him too hard against the strain of the jacket sleeves covering his skin. Ren could feel the spike of pain rushing through Hux, blossoming an indignant hatred that felt so warm and familiar he never wanted it to stop. He pressed Hux back, until the General’s back slammed against the door, and his body crushed into the man to relieve him of his breath.

“You’re afraid.” Ren whispered, his brow furrowing as the emotions welled into him, and refused to drain as they used to do. “Why are you afraid of this? Everything you’ve done has led to where you are now. You can’t tell me there wasn’t some part of you that meant to hope.”

“I hope for things far greater than the passing fancy of a pair of volatile Force users, _boy._ ” Hux’s gaze glittered with cold imagination, seeing things so far past Ren or Rey or any single person that he might as well have held the entire universe in his eyes. “There’s something bigger than all of us at stake here, and I intend to grasp it by any means necessary. I plan to do so with you, and with her. If you’re so desperate as to try and make me focus on smaller goals in the meantime, then I can adjust my plans to compensate without you. I would simply rather _not._ ”

Ren laughed as if he’d just figured it out, but something told Hux the man was just fooling himself again. “I see it now. I see through all these grandiose lies. All of this is just a ploy to keep you occupied. You’re scared this little truce of ours is going too far. You’re afraid you’re going to fall in love.”

As expected, Ren had no idea what he was talking about. Hux finally worked up the strength to shrug the man’s hands away, and his head leaned in to glare up in a narrow eyed threat. His hands snaked up to press against Ren’s cheeks, holding his head firmly in his grasp. When he spoke, he wanted Ren to feel the words against his lips, and know that there was nothing of this nature, the nature that lured them to touch and hold and grip, that Hux feared.

“Love is a child’s game, Ren. I’m afraid you won’t be able to resist something far worse than something as shallow as _love._ Or have you already forgotten the temple?”

Ren snapped back a step, Hux’s words wielding the power that his body lacked. Ren had recognized something missing in the Hux that guided him, in that temple. He’d done so without thinking, without trying. Just because he knew.

There were worse things to fall into than love.

Feeling both victorious, and broken, Hux swiveled in place and left the room. Ren could hear the sound of his bootfalls stomping too hard against the floor with each step, as he stormed away from his own bitter honesty, and the emptiness it had left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY CHAPTER 20 Y'ALL *THROWS CONFETTI*
> 
> Man they were like | | this close to kissing, I am pissed, are you pissed, cause I am pissed. Fuckers.
> 
> GONNA GET US SOME MITAKA NEXT TIME WHOOOOOOOOO why am I so excited about that, idfk.
> 
> I love you guys so much, all those comments from last chapter like filled my soul and made me want to work really hard on this fic and give you the best story that I can possibly manage, just because yall are just so amazing and make me feel like we're sharing this together ;; THANK YOU GUYS I LOVE YOOOOOOOOU. Hope you're still having fun on this wild ride and see you next time.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been six days since I've updated, and I apologize. Hope this is worth the wait!

She truly hadn’t meant to listen to any of it. If anything, locking herself in the refresher was supposed to give her the time alone she needed to think, but instead she’d spent the first half of it helplessly ingraining herself further in the words and actions of the men she’d left behind. She felt lost, if only because she’d allowed herself to come to a comfortable understanding between the three of them that only flourished when they’d been alone in that quiet, under-staffed medical base. It managed to have been something dangerously close to a home despite the short time she’d been there, but this titan of a ship was nothing compared to the simplicity she’d had on that unknown planet. There would be no outdoor excursions, here. There would be no disguise of freedom, no matter how shallow and untrue it had all been.

She thought of her little plant cutting, and slid down against the tiled wall when she realized it had been abandoned there to rot.

She could feel them upsetting one another outside, and she knew it was at least partially because of her. She searched her feelings for traces of the sympathy she would have felt for their distress, and found herself empty, and distracted.

She didn’t want to stomp out there and tell them both to get over themselves. She didn’t want to get involved in whatever conversation they were having, exuding so much heat and power it stifled her even from behind closed doors. 

And she felt guilty for not wanting that, somehow. It was the guilt, and not the lack of sympathy, that really had her mourning her own sanity.

Those men were on a spectrum of destruction she never wanted to be a part of. General Hux had promised her something different.. but why did she believe him? Why did she believe Kylo, when he hissed promises to never hurt her through clenched teeth? It had been so easy, on that base.

Now, that ease felt like a dream. She pressed her hands, and then her ear, against the door. She’d done it just in time to hear Hux storming off. And why shouldn’t he? Kylo was being ridiculous, even she knew it. Somehow, she never thought she’d hear the word love coming out of Kylo Ren’s mouth, but now it was spilling out too quickly, like some kind of lashing meant to sting at Hux’s intentions.

So it wasn’t just her, then. Being on this ship changed them - and it felt like it was driving them apart. No, they were doing a fine enough job of that themselves, as if the only way to survive in a place like this was to isolate yourself.

That, she realized, she could finally sympathize with. 

She creaked open the door once the room had been silent for several minutes, and couldn’t see Kylo waiting anywhere in her line of view. He was there, though - she could sense him just as easily as she sensed herself. He was a dark smudge against her psyche, begging to be rubbed out with her thumb. Even he didn’t want to be there, anymore.

She stood back up and walked out of the refresher, closing the door behind her slowly, quietly, trying to create the least amount of disturbance - not because she didn’t think he noticed, but because she could feel the tension in the air, demanding some sort of reverence that had her tiptoeing across the room.

It was a surprise, then, to find him sitting on his bed instead of that strange little shrine he had set up for the burned helmet. Kylo normally struck her as such a large, imposing figure, and yet - sitting there curled up, with his back to the wall and his legs pulled up in front of him, he gave off the impression of someone so much younger, and smaller. 

Standing by the bed felt awkward, but there was nowhere else she felt comfortable with. She settled on taking the corner furthest from him, folding her legs under her body.

His entire body was turned just enough away from her to try and dissuade her from talking. She ignored his body language, to the surprise of exactly no one.

“I know this isn’t ideal.” Her voice was softer than it needed to be. He turned his head automatically in response, but caught himself before his eyes met hers. “Me being here like this. But it’s only temporary, isn’t it?”

He nodded his head. Barely. It wasn’t enough to keep her quiet.

“And then what?”

She was shielding her thoughts, but her emotions still leaked out helplessly. Frustration boiled over on the surface, mixing with his own in a heady combination that edged every word he spoke with sharpness. “You get your own room. Your own clothes, your own orders. And that’s it. You do what you came here to do.”

The word orders had been a bad choice. She tensed instinctively, forcing herself to temper that urge to fight back. She _would_ get orders, because that was what she was here for. To work. This wasn’t a pleasure cruise.

She snorted under her breath at the thought, and finally, finally caught his eyes.

“And you?”

Something flashed across his expression, furrowing his brow for a moment before it smoothed out in a return to apathy. “That’s a difficult question. I _had_ orders.” He could still hear Hux screaming at him to take the holocron. Not Hux, exactly. He had to believe that was Snoke, urging him to fulfill his purpose. Demanding he take his part in the bigger picture, and die for this one last step.

In a way, perhaps Snoke hadn’t been lying. His final training would have purged him of his affliction, after all. He should have known that the only solution was death.

“I’m not doing so well with those anymore.”

She moved closer, a slight shift that snapped his attention back at her. He was hardly a welcoming sight, but Rey had never taken no for an answer before. He could feel everything she needed in that moment, and suddenly wished Hux had stayed. He wasn’t equipped to deal with that particular brand of innocent longing.

“You could teach me more.” She offered, already sensing that a purpose was what _he_ needed most, and desperate to try and help. It was the opposite of his reaction for her, and he knew it.

Shame, familiar and comforting, sagged his shoulders.

“You might become too dangerous.” He muttered, the edges worn off of his voice. The sound of it made her grin, and even though he refused to look, he could feel it blossoming just as brightly on her heart as it did on her face.

“I already _am_ too dangerous.” She reminded him, reaching out to bat his arm with her fist. He made a noise, torn between a sigh and a grunt, and settled his narrowed gaze on her gaining form. Inch by inch, she was coming closer. He knew why; and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he was glad he could feel someone else’s emotions. He was glad he knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and exactly how little it mattered that he was the only person in the position to give it to her right then.

There were few times when Rey made things easier for him. This was a rare event.

“Can I ask you something?” There was a somber hesitance hiding in those words, and he assumed she was going to ask him if he would hold her. It was everything to her in that moment; she needed reassurance that whatever had changed between them was still somehow in effect, even if it was only in the privacy of their rooms. She’d settle for that. It would be enough.

But that wasn’t what she asked him at all.

“Did - whatever you were supposed to do, in that temple, whatever was going to change you. Did it?”

The last words he’d left her with were still ringing like warning bells in her ears, reminding her that he wasn’t the same man who’d leaned against her on that platform, comforting her as she watched Finn leaving. She hadn’t stopped thinking about it once, even when his hands were lost in her hair.

Any moment, she expected him to turn back into a cold-blooded monster. That was why she didn’t ask for anything from him; why she moved closer, but not close enough. There was a very specific distance between them, and it was this unknown factor still holding her back.

He thought that incredibly smart of her.

“There was nothing in that temple for me.” He admitted sourly. “The Supreme Leader was using me. I gained nothing but that knowledge when I walked out of there today.”

He’d just told her that everything he’d wanted had been crushed under Snoke’s heel, and she breathed out a sigh of relief as though he’d told her everything was fine again. For her, perhaps, it was. Nothing about the situation brought relief to Kylo, nor would it ever.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He couldn’t help himself. The laugh escaped him as if it had been punched out of his gut. It was just one single breath of sound, but it was too late to take it back - she’d offered something so mundanely _normal_ that it shocked him into laughing at her, which received the expected response.

She was angry. _Typical._

“No, I don’t want to _talk_ about it.” He answered her, with a little more sarcasm than he’d intended. She blew a gust of breath out and it lifted the rim of her cap, which he focused his attentions on safely. “What matters is, nothing has changed. That is what you wanted to hear, isn’t it?”

“I want to hear that you’re not a cruel soulless - thing.” She’d started out so strongly, but when she couldn’t find awful enough words to describe him, she’d ended lamely and sat back in defeat. 

Still, he knew what she was trying to suggest, and his lips curled up in a mirthless smirk. “I have bad news for you, then.” He tried to remind her, reaching out to pull the cap off of her head. Her hair was already trying to escape on the sides, with little flyaways that curled up around her freckled skin. 

Bad news, he said. He _was_ a cruel, soulless thing. He meant to tell her, to remind her, before he’d taken off the cap.

Instead, he dropped it down on the bed, and posed a wordless question of his own. It wasn’t intentional, or at least he thought he could convince himself of that with time, but his arm was already up and in position before he could worry about the why of it all. He’d offered this once, in the medical bay, and she’d laughed in his face. He expected the same reaction, now. No, he hoped for it.

And it was safe to say Kylo Ren did not typically get his hopes fulfilled, as of late.

Rey saw the arm, bent and risen and waiting, and flinched in response. His arm was already starting to drop when she lurched forward, crawling inch by inch until she was near enough to drop down in the crook of that one arm’s waiting embrace. Every muscle was tense, waiting to strike and flee, even as he curled around her in a hold she could only describe as _protective_. He was as uncomfortable with physical affection as she was at receiving it from him - but he was trying. He was _trying, so hard_ , to be what she needed in that moment.

And she did, oh, she did need it so very much. His arm held her defensively, as if something was going to leap out at them any moment. She knew there was less affection in his embrace than when Finn hugged her, or even when Hux tried to comfort her. He could only go so far out of his comfort zone, but the more she fell into his embrace, the more she began to realize just how precious that offer was.

He didn’t want to hug her. He didn’t want to touch her. He didn’t want her in his room or on his bed or anywhere near him, especially not this close. He wanted to fill a void, to be something she needed. It was a sacrifice, on every level.

She thought that very brave, but she’d never questioned his bravery, so she wasn’t surprised so much as grateful.

“What happens now?” She’d asked him before, but this was something different.

His throat was tight enough to choke when he tried to speak. “I have no idea.”

Facing the unknown was a frightening thought. When the heat of his embrace started to lull her mind, she began to wonder if that was the real reason she never wanted to leave Jakku at all. She’d been stuck waiting, but every day she knew exactly what lay ahead of her, and what laid behind.

She almost missed when he spoke again.

“I knew, once. But now.”

When she realized what he was saying, she latched on to his words and shoved away her own thoughts in place of curiosity, looking up at the stiff figure of the man who held her. His eyes were on the wall, again. “What did you used to know?”

“The path.” He wasn’t quite paying attention to what he was saying. He was just speaking, as if the girl in his arms was about as sentient as the helmet in his shrine. “The future. You, me, the First Order. Everything.”

She didn’t like the way he’d said _you, me_. He seemed too preoccupied to notice how she stiffened in his arms.

“How?” Her voice was so tiny, even she couldn’t recognize it.

“I’ve foreseen it all.” His attention finally turned down to meet her cautious eyes, but he still seemed so far away and distracted. “That day on Takodana was not the first time I’d seen your face.” He paused, finally testing the air around him and feeling her tension. “Does that frighten you?”

“Actually,” She huffed out in a sigh of relief. “That makes me feel a lot better. I saw you in some terrible hallucination when I first touched that lightsaber. I’m relieved to hear that’s just something that happens to people like us.”

He gnawed on his lower lip for a moment, desperate to tell her otherwise, but the words never came, and he left her to her misguided respite.

“Do I even want to ask what it is you saw?” She muttered, her distrust already bleeding into the question. She felt vindicated for that mistrust when his eyes seared a meaningful gaze down at her, through her, into her - and she knew, with complete assurance, that she did not want to know the answer.

“It doesn’t matter now.” He told her, no longer able to look away. “Things have changed.”

“Snoke.” She stated with confidence, until she saw hesitance in those burning eyes.

“Among other things.”

She wasn’t going to ask. She wasn’t going to ask, and he wasn’t going to offer. She would remain blissfully ignorant of whatever troubling thoughts were now brewing in his mind, of things that could have changed between now and the first time he’d seen her in a vision. She was safe in her ignorance, and clung to it like a shield that kept his gaze from digging too deep.

But it left a silence in its wake, and his intensity made it difficult for her to breathe. She knew she’d have to be the one to pull away, and she did so by tearing her gaze off of him and burying her face hard against his side.

His arm curled up further to accommodate wordlessly. He knew what running away from the truth looked like.

“Do you think Hux is safe?” She muffled out against the leather and cloth of his clothing, and this, too, he recognized as necessary distraction.

“As safe as any of us are.” He told her. It brought her face back up to meet him, and he rolled his eyes at the utter mess she’d made of her hair. All of his hard work for a few minutes of perfection, and now it was gone.

He pulled the hairband off with his fingertips.

“Am I going to survive this?” There was no reason for her to trust his answer, so why did she even bother to ask it? “Do you see that in the future?” She sounded so young, so unsure of everything. He snapped the band free, and let her hair fall loose around her face. 

“Yes.” He lied, if only because he didn’t need a vision to tell him that she would be kept safe.

“Am I going to make a difference?” Now that she’d opened up, there was apparently no end to the questions. He tried to summon up his usual displeasure for her curiosity, and found himself coming up empty.

“You already have.”

He didn’t realize it until he felt the change inside of her, and watched that terrible, crippling smile emerge, but that was the only right answer.

* * *

Hux spent the short walk to Mitaka’s new office wisely, carefully compartmentalizing his issues with the Force users he’d left behind and devoting his full attention to the much more important matter at hand. When he arrived at the door, Captain Phasma was waiting, flanked by two of her best men. The General stopped in front of them, both eyebrows raised at the sight of the two stormtroopers. 

“Captain, is the General ready to see me?” He asked, with the unspoken question of the security risk her men might create left hidden in the lilt of his voice and the flicker of his gaze. The Captain’s response was a nod, followed by a sharp gesture with her gloved hand that sent each man to stand on either side of the door. 

“Yes, General. Right this way.”

She’d brought them to keep the door secure, but that did not necessarily assuage his suspicion.

When they entered the room, the desk where he expected to see the newly positioned General was empty. The door closed behind them, and Hux immediately turned to the Captain.

“You’re sure about those two?” He asked, his head nudging towards the door. 

Captain Phasma’s helmet bobbled in a sharp nod. “I trust them with my own life. There are several of our soldiers still loyal to you, sir - though it’s difficult to say how much of that is due to the reconditioning program. We’ll have to be careful, going forward. But you have nothing to fear from these two.”

He had to take Captain Phasma at her word: the Stormtroopers were more loyal to her than to both him and Snoke combined, and with good reason. She’d all but raised them herself into the unstoppable force of power they had become. She knew the names of every soldier under her direct command by heart, and each of their weaknesses and strengths.

And by some miracle, she was on his side.

He knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance at this rather dangerous plan without her.

“And Mitaka?” Now inside, Hux dropped the formalities, and the sound of Mitaka’s name elicited a bang from under the empty desk. Both the General and Captain moved around to look underneath the mahogany wood surface, and found the great leader of the First Order hiding underneath it.

He was holding a blaster in his hand, pointed directly at Hux once he’d appeared, and shaking so wildly he would have more chance of missing than getting a direct hit in, despite how close he was.

He looked wilder than Hux remembered. It reminded him of someone.

“Relax.” He assured Mitaka, holding his gloved hands up. “I haven’t come to kill you. Quite the opposite, in fact. If you’d kindly come sit with us, we’ll discuss the details, and no one has to clean up any unfortunate mess.”

Mitaka looked unconvinced, but his hands had stopped shaking; perhaps because General Hux knew precisely the tone to use with this particular man to remind him of his place, and support him despite it. Hux kept his face rigid, fighting down the urge to smile every time Mitaka turned from him, to Captain Phasma, and back again. It was important, above all things, to offer Mitaka the same uncompromising persona he’d worn in all their time on the Finalizer together. Smiling, he admitted, was a fairly new occurrence.

Ten, perhaps fifteen seconds passed, before Mitaka finally edged his way out of the desk and back to his feet, but the gun was still pointed at Hux’s chest. He moved to sit in the chair, and Hux gave him a doubtful wince, forcing the man to second guess his decision.

Moments later, Mitaka stood back up again, and walked around to sit in one of the chairs on the opposite side of his desk. Breathlessly ousted, and admittedly relieved to be, he slumped down in it and almost let the blaster fall. When Hux moved to sit beside him, he realized he was leaving himself unguarded, and the blaster snapped up to follow Hux’s every move until he sat down.

Hux turned the seat to face Mitaka, crossed his legs firmly, and placed his hands clasped against his knee.

“I’ve been informed of your promotion, and rest assured, I know that you didn’t want this. We’ve worked together far too long, General Mitaka.” The respectable use of his rank had returned, offered like an olive branch. “You once confided in me personally that you hoped to remain at your station near infinitely. Something about spending more time working directly with Commander Ren, the way I did, seemed not to agree with you.”

Now, he grinned. He couldn’t help himself, and he was relieved to see Mitaka’s reaction was simply to lower the weapon and breathe out a sigh of relief. “General.” He choked out. “I tried to turn down the promotion, but I was issued an order, and I thought - I thought the Supreme Leader wanted me to kill you because you were going to rebel. He even made the suggestion himself, that you’d come here to - “ He gestured loosely at the blaster. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Why is this happening? Why would he put me in charge of the entire First Order at it’s most vulnerable moment? The reports keep coming in. Anarchy, riot, there’s only so much the Captain can do to quell the unrest, and I’m supposed to - what? What?!”

The shaking was back, and General Hux tried not to laugh as a thought bubbled unbidden from his mind; he wondered if he should have brought Rey to comfort the ball of nerves in front of him, the way it seemed only she had the power to do.

Instead, he lifted his hand and patted Mitaka’s shoulder, which almost had the man raising the blaster again before he checked himself. “What’s happening is that we’ve been lied to. Our leadership has not shared our goals for galactic order for quite some time. What I’m saying is blasphemy, and you know that. But it’s the truth.”

He took a deep breath, and leaned back in his chair.

“Supreme Leader Snoke has been using the front of the First Order for his own private, meaningless needs. Not once has he ever actually cared about our cause. His power, as nearly unlimited as it is, has kept us all under his thumb this entire time. But no longer.”

“General, you can’t mean to oppose him.” Mitaka choked out, unable to believe what he was hearing. His eyes flickered around the room, as if he expected the Supreme Leader to appear from out of thin air and obliterate Hux where he sat. “There’s not a force in this galaxy that can do that.”

“I beg to differ.” Hux replied, digging through his greatcoat for his cigarettes. This conversation was tensing him just as much as it was horrifying Mitaka - he wasn’t blind enough to presume he wasn’t putting himself in grave danger merely by talking about it. “The very force his power has created, led by the man he himself has apprenticed, could manage it quite nicely. And if not - I believe there may be more help on the horizon for us, eventually.”

Mitaka fell silent as the cigarette was lit, and raised to Hux’s mouth. A variety of possible allies might have come to mind if the First Order hadn’t just destroyed the Republic in one stroke, but now there was little in the way of strong offensive forces that could be called upon, except -

He paled, his stomach flipping in disgust.

“You can’t be serious.”

Hux blew a long trail of smoke up into the air, watching it curl with great interest. “I’m always serious.” He assured Mitaka, his eyes returning to meet the other General’s. “I’ve already recruited one, willing to be a negotiator for this unlikely - albeit temporary - alliance. That’s two Force users on our side, now. Believe me, General - I’ve weighed our chances of success. If I wasn’t confident in them, I would have found another way around the issue.” Smoke burned as it filled his lungs when he took another long, satisfying drag, and the smoke was only released with his next words. 

“I always play the odds.”

Mitaka couldn’t accept his words without some measure of speculation, but General Hux’s confidence held a power that Snoke never truly appreciated. It won the man over in degrees, each measure slowly building what little trust he could muster. 

Eventually, he knew what side he wanted to be on when this drastic, terrifying new coup began.

“What do you need of me?”

“Actually, you’ve already done exactly what I needed. You’ve delayed your speech to the troops until tomorrow morning. All that’s left is for me to write it, and for us to deliver it.”

Mitaka’s face turned pale again - Hux was so used to that expression by now, that it barely registered. “Us?” He whispered, hoping he’d heard wrong.

“Well.” Hux breathed out through a cloud of smoke and a smile. “Mostly me.” His assurance was exactly what Mitaka was hoping to hear, but that did not make the time they were about to spend together any easier.

Giving the speech was going to be the easy part. Now, before any of that, the three in the room had to actually write the damn thing. And they only had one night to do it.

Hux had dealt with worse deadlines in his career. And this time, he wasn’t alone.

He stood up from his seat, moved to get behind Mitaka’s desk and adjust the controls of the screen built into it, and put his cigarette out on the armrest of the chair.

“Let’s begin.”

* * *

He’d lost track of time, but Mitaka and then Phasma had long since left to get some sleep far before Hux had actually given up on revising the speech for the mornings rally. When he finally shut the screen down and rubbed his tired eyes, he realized he only had a few hours for any real attempt at rest before he would have to get back up and prepare for the day. This meant little to him - he knew he could simply skip sleep altogether, though the idea of standing on the main platform of the Finalizer with exhaustion in his eyes felt counterproductive to the role he was trying to play. He knew a few hours would be more than enough for him, so he left Mitaka’s office and headed back towards the private quarters.

Ren would want an update on the proceedings, he reminded himself. And he wanted to know if Snoke had contacted him. Both of these excuses were enough to veer Hux right, instead of left, and use his override on the pad in order to enter the room. He knocked on an already open door, and received no answer.

It wasn’t hard to tell why. After he closed the door behind him, he turned to find the two of them curled up against one another on the Commander’s bed, like two children having collapsed in the middle of a sleepover. He stood in front of the bed and observed them for a moment in wonder, pleasantly surprised to see that not only had they not killed one another, but apparently were comfortable enough in each other's presence to fall asleep. That was a luxury he did not share, but that made it all the more important that they did. 

Rey looked so small, too young against the dark wall of chest she was pressed against. Ren’s arm nearly engulfed her, with a protective nature that had somehow managed to transcend the subconscious. He kept her safe, even when he wasn’t awake to do so. It was a little absurd, really.

The memory of Ren’s admission to what his visions had once seen returned, unwanted, to haunt Hux’s mind. He saw a very clear cut fate between the two of them, laid out in the curl of her hand around Ren’s chest, and the lack of space between their tightly knit bodies. This was what Ren must have seen, in his vision.

It only made sense, then, that Hux’s presence in her life was confusing the man. Hux, who’d held her when she needed it so many times. Hux, who felt her falling asleep in his arms, and carried her back to her bed that night.

Ren had seen all of this with him in Hux’s place, once. Hux was vaguely surprised he hadn’t already killed him for ruining that possibility.

But fate had a way of setting itself right, in the end.

He breathed in a sharp, bracing sigh, and held his hands behind his back. The sound of it had Rey’s eyes fluttering open, and he should have known he’d stood by and watched them for too long to be safe. He pressed his finger to his lips, bidding her to ignore him and fall back asleep. She refused, as stubborn as ever; and instead of closing her eyes again, she uncurled her hand from Ren’s chest, and held it out for him.

He stared at her outstretched hand for a moment, and his mind attempted to follow every path that direction would take to it’s final end.

In the end, he took it, but refused to let her pull him towards them. When she tried, he let go and shook his head. As tempting as the offer was, he knew he would never be able to sleep unless he was alone. He had the choice to spend the last few hours before the rally curled up against them both, or to actually go and get some sleep.

He chose sleep, because interrupting the two of them with his presence now was sure to garner Ren’s wrath in the morning, and facing the ‘troopers with injury was the last thing he needed.

She closed her eyes again, and he marked the frown that tugged her lips down with amusement. Petulant child, she wanted it all. It was not enough to have tamed the beast into submission. She’d gone too long without affection to be denied it as often as possible, now.

With careful, quiet steps, he left the two of them to sleep for as long as they could, before the new day could come and change them all. 

But when he closed the door behind him and felt a unique ache in his chest, he realized that day had come and gone for him. Too late, he told himself, to find a new path now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah wowww my sleep schedule was hilarious this past week, I would sleep for three hours in the middle of the day, wake up at 4pm, go to bed at 8, wake up at 1, go to sleep at 9am, wake up at 2... like there was no logic to it. NONE. I think I have it under control again, I just hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon because what a hellish week that was. XD
> 
> ANYWAY TL;DR SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER. I promised a Kylo hug and I think I delivered. Also angst and very slow plot moving. Have a great weekend you guys! I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS THEY ARE SO OVERWHELMING AND INSPIRING T_T THANK YOU!!


	22. Chapter 22

An abrasive knock jolted them both awake, startled enough to send their heartbeats racing. Rey’s head lifted in confusion, but when she met the equally dazed eyes of the man she’d been sleeping on, they both seemed to reel backwards from surprise. She had more room to move, and managed to tumble onto her back as she moved away from him.

“Sorry.” She whispered, feeling the sticky taste of sleep in her mouth. Her right hand felt numb and tingly as though it’d been slept on, or some foreign weight had held it down. She shook the feel of it out and yawned - had they actually gotten a full night’s sleep? She felt like she was still exhausted.

Kylo hadn’t moved after backing away from her, and in the darkness of his quarters, she couldn’t really see his face. His chest was still rising with quickened breaths, and his heart had yet to stop racing from how quickly they’d woken up.

His arm burned where she’d once lain, inexplicably sensitive. He clenched his fist, over and over, in the hopes of wearing the feeling out.

Rey moved further down to the bottom of the bed, and then she dropped, tilting bonelessly until she was lying on her side against the edge of it. For a moment he thought she was just going back to sleep, until she groaned up at him unhappily. “What time is it?”

He had no idea.

When the lights turned on a moment later, and the General walked into the room with a tray of smoking hot caf and small biscuits, she found her answer; it was time to get up, and start the day.

She grabbed the edge of Kylo’s bedsheet, wrapped it around herself, and burrowed down until she was nothing but a tiny, groaning lump on the bed. Typically, Rey was a morning person, but not this time. 

This was a day she did not _want_ to begin.

“Charming.” General Hux purred out, bringing a cup over to Kylo and handing it to him by the handle. “And I even let you both sleep in. Serves me right for thinking anything is ever enough for the two of you.”

“ _I’m_ fine.” Kylo snapped out, the bitter sharpness in his voice betraying him. The caf in his hand was heavily creamed, with four sugars; his preference. He didn’t remember ever informing the General of that, but he couldn’t imagine it was top secret information around the base. He wouldn’t be surprised if the General knew exactly how _everyone_ liked their caf.

“You have half an hour to get freshened up before we’re scheduled out on the main platform. Mitaka’s address is scheduled to be broadcast to the entirety of the First Order; including those on other bases. They’ll be receiving us, instead.”

Rey unfurled from her blanket and blinked wide-awake eyes at Hux, but it was Kylo who spoke first. “And what, exactly, are we going to tell them?”

“Not we. You will be doing your best to look like you can kill people through holovids. And _you_ ,” He added, handing Rey the last cup. “-will remain in this room until this whole matter is sorted out.”

He could see the exact moment Rey was rearing up to protest, and when her lips parted to get her complaint out, he used the opportunity and dropped a biscuit on her tongue.

It was soft and buttery, and it melted the moment it touched, effectively distracting her with the taste of it.

“What are you going to say, then?” Kylo amended, nursing his drink with a sneer.

“We’ve worked something out between the three of us - Phasma, Mitaka, and myself - that will hopefully turn the tide of loyalty in our favor. Of course, that means I’m about to attempt to turn the entirety of the First Order against our venerable Supreme Leader, your master. If you have any objections to this, speak up now.”

Hux brought his caf to his lips, sipping it smugly. If he’d really thought Kylo would object, they wouldn’t have gotten this far together. So when Kylo shook his head, Hux did not look surprised, or even pleased. This was simply the next logical step in the path he’d carved.

Collecting on a fallen knight.

“He’s made his intentions clear. I’m not his, anymore.”

And oh, how Hux longed to claim that Kylo was _his_ , now. The words almost floated to the surface of his mind, and he carefully locked them back up where no Force user could pluck them from his thoughts. “You shouldn’t have been anyone’s, let alone _his_ , to begin with. But it’s better late than never, mm?”

He was being careful, and by the look on Kylo’s expression, it was the right choice. Something about the way the man was looking at his own image mirrored hazily in his caf, as though finally proud to glare into his own eyes for once, seemed promising.

“He won’t be overturned that easily.”

“You call any of this _easy_?” Hux scoffed, putting his cup down and adjusting his tight collar. “I feel vaguely insulted.”

He didn’t. When Hux stood, Rey began to sit up, and the protests were barely on the tip of her tongue when he pressed a finger to his lips.

“You are a Resistance spy, as far as anyone on this ship knows. Today is the day the entire First Order must see us as strong, loyal leadership, if they are going to continue to follow our command. You must find the patience to wait until after we are triumphant in this transfer of power, before integrating your delicate role as mediator. Can you do that for me, Rey?”

His finger left her lips, and joined his thumb in brushing the line of her jaw to gently cup her chin. 

“You can be patient, can’t you?”

She wanted to object, but there was no denying how bad it would look if Hux tried to turn the First Order against Snoke with a former Resistance member at his side. She sat back on her haunches with a pout, leaving his hand empty.

“Good girl.” Hux murmured, in a voice so gentle it had her staring down at her cup of caf if only to keep from looking at him. 

“And _now_ you only have twenty minutes.” Hux warned Kylo, as he sat there in silence, watching Hux lull Rey into compliance with his soft words and gentle touches. The reminder set him in motion, lurching up out of the bed to put the caf down and head for the refresher. He disappeared into it, leaving Hux to sit back down in front of Rey and enjoy their morning caf in comfortable silence.

Or so he thought.

“You found us, last night.” She barely mouthed over the rim of her cup. “Didn’t you? That was real, wasn’t it?”

He briefly considered letting her assume she was dreaming of his presence, before deciding against the lie. “Just for a moment, but yes. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

She looked like she wanted to say something very badly, and the expression worried at him just enough to continue to speak before she could admit something she couldn’t take back.

“It’s a relief to see that the two of you managed to find some sort of peace around each other. After all, the three of us are going to be working together more often than not - but especially you two. I’ve worried over that, at times. Seeing that you’re comfortable in his presence alleviates that worry extensively.”

She bit her lower lip, swallowing whatever words she’d been about to say. Instead, she latched on to his train of thought. “That might be overstating it a bit. I don’t remember falling asleep. But you’re right - it’s easier to tolerate his presence, now.”

Hux rose a single eyebrow, and tried not to smile. “Just tolerate?” He questioned, bringing the cup to his lips to hide the amusement threatening its way onto his expression.

She caught the implication. He expected disgust, or anger. Instead she gave him utter confusion, and something about the way her eyes were trained on his cup made him nervous. She was one of the few people who had that ability, among other things.

Then he realized why he felt that thrill of anxiety. Whatever she’d thought to say a few moments ago, despite being derailed, was looping around for another attempt. He’d failed to stifle the curiosity that gnawed at her, and his mind scrambled for some kind of diversion to keep her from straying too far.

He wished Ren would return from the shower, already. That would have managed to keep her from asking the questions that were already forming on her lips.

“Why didn’t you stay?”

His cup was still pressed on his lips when she asked it, but he’d stopped drinking long ago.

Instinct warned him to treat it all with the vague nonchalance of someone who had no idea what she was implying. It was always safer, that way. Smarter. She would never have known any better.

He put down the cup, folded his hands in front of him, and looked down at the digits clasped against one another. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded foreign to even himself. The sound of honesty wasn’t as charming and charismatic as his typical conversational voice.

“I don’t sleep with others.” He found he didn’t mind admitting this, though his eyes remained on his hands. “It’s not comfortable. If I mean to sleep, I do it alone. The comfort you found in one another’s arms is unique and I cannot share it.”

There. In the absence of denial, he’d admitted as much as he could. That he would have taken her hand, and curled up on the bed beside them, if he thought sleep would ever have come. That he would have allowed the warmth and comfort they provided each other in a cold, cruel world to be his own, as well. He needn’t say as much, to admit it. All he’d had to do was tell the truth about why he’d declined her.

But the truth came at a heavy cost, and his shoulders sagged with the weight of its toll.

“I’m serious when I say that it’s a relief you are more comfortable around him, now. It’s important to me, you see. That you don’t feel alone.”

Because for all of the gentle touches, the comforting hugs and pats on the head, the dance lessons and the laughter and the kisses against the back of her hand - for all of this, he still knew that there was nothing substantial he had to give that would permanently ground her. She needed to feel the stability of a force beyond the superficial, reminding her that this was where she belonged.

Ren’s bond was that force. He would ground her.

He waited for some sort of confirmation that she understood, but the words never came. Instead, he heard the hushed shift of fabric and the muffled creak of Ren’s bed when she crawled off of it. His line of view was obstructed by smaller hands trying to wrap around his own clenched ones, and dark fingers attempting to pry them apart with the deft skill of a scavenger, searching for the weak points in order to slide and separate and take them for her own. She had his hands at her mercy, holding them both like they were hers to claim, and suddenly her head was ducking under to try and meet his eyes.

She looked almost comical, perched awkwardly below him with her neck arched up. He lifted his gaze to put her out of her misery, and she followed with a thankful smile.

“I already knew that.” She told him, which made no sense in the context of the silence they’d just shared. He couldn’t remember the last thing he’d said before she’d stolen his hands and his gaze and his breath. So he shook his head, pursing his lips in confusion.

“I knew it was important to you. To make sure I didn’t feel alone. That’s what you’ve been doing, this whole time. Even though it’s not really your thing, you keep stepping out of your comfort zone to make me feel like I can do this, I can survive here as long as I have someone making me smile. And you know what? You did it. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m going to try my hardest even though I’m galaxies away from some of the people who care about me, because you keep reminding me that they’re not all so very far away. You did that, General.”

That was his goal, from the moment he’d laid eyes on her, but hearing her confirm that she was comforted by his efforts took his breath away. He didn’t know why. It simply meant more to be affirmed so effortlessly. 

His lips tilted in a crooked smile, and he briefly closed his eyes as he nodded his head in silent thanks.

“It’s okay if you can’t sleep around other people. It’s not really proper anyway, last night was a fluke. There’s no way I’m getting caught like that again.”

Hux recalled, however briefly, how many times Rey had already been caught falling asleep around them. His thoughts lingered on the night she’d curled up into his arm, and he’d carried her back to her bedroom. She was promising herself that she was never going to fall asleep in the same vicinity as either man again, but some part of him knew that promise was a lie. She was too easily comforted by the warmth of a trusted body beside her, and the gentle hands of someone who thought she was worth protecting.

She’d probably fall asleep around them many more times, in the future. He did not make mention of it.

“Was it really so bad?” Hux asked her, his grin turning sly with amusement. “Is he uncomfortable?”

“Absolutely.” She lifted one of her hands and continued to clench it. “I almost lost a hand because I think he was leaning on it!” 

He chuckled as he reached out to capture the clenching hand, turning it palm upwards and inspecting it for phantom damage with an expert press of his fingertips. His thumb rubbed along the palm from the meat of it to the edges of her fingers, following along the lines running across her skin. “I should have known.” Hux muttered, so absorbed in the act of massaging her hand that he’d failed to notice Rey’s chest fall still, or her skin flush with color. “He’s not much more than a walking wall. You’d be better off sleeping in your own bed, after all.”

His fingers stilled when he finally flickered a brief glance upward, and then returned a second time to linger on her reddening features. His hand flinched away, leaving her palm empty and exposed in front of him.

“Ah.” His voice was mottled; even he could hear the catch in his throat. “Sorry.”

There was a beat before her chest rose and fell again, sucking in a needy breath. “For what?”

That was a very good question.

A throat cleared behind him, and his back went rigid. Rey did not seem to react to Ren’s return, other than to pinch her nose up and frown. She knew his return signalled their departure, but she lingered where she was, with one hand wrapped around his and the other resting palm up against his knee.

“It’s time.” Ren told him, quiet and strangely reverent. Hux released Rey’s hand by pulling away, and reached out to help her up while simultaneously standing. He patted the sides of her arms, and gave her a knowing smile.

“And so it is.” He breathed out in a soft laugh, turning to take his greatcoat off of the chair it was hanging on and wrap it around his shoulders. He turned to her, and she watched the slow transition from the man who held her hands to the General who commanded the First Order. He was all hard lines and crisp glares, by the time he was done, and she realized, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps with a little too much relief, that their return to the ship hadn’t really changed him back into that man at all. He was just an extremely good actor.

“You will remain in these quarters until Ren or myself come to fetch you. This is an order, Rey.”

She bit her lower lip, and nodded without a word. He could tell she was trying not to smile.

He had half a mind to be cross with her for refusing to take him seriously now that she looked at him with a gaze powerful enough to penetrate his defenses. He thought he could manage to be angry with her later about it, if he survived the day.

With a sharp nod, he swiveled and left the room, confident that Ren would follow. He heard the telltale thumps of a man stomping too hard on each step behind him, and then beside him, until black clouded his vision when he turned to look Ren’s way.

“Mitaka and I will speak. You gauge the crowd before us. If it comes down to a rebellion, then this plan will not work, and you have a new order to follow.”

Ren’s steps slowed, barely keeping up with the General as he listened in silence.

“My ship has been refueled and restocked. Return to the room, get the girl, and get off this ship. I assume your little magic tricks can manage to deal with whatever any fighting forces throw at you, so please do me a favor and don’t be a total disappointment.”

Ren’s hand clamped down on the General’s arm, halting his quick steps and swiveling him around to face him fully. Hux glared down at the arm, and the crumpled wrinkles his hands were causing on his sleeve, forcing a hissed out _‘How dare-’_ to escape his mouth before Ren could even say a word.

“I thought you said this would work. What’s all this?”

“Contingency plans, you moron.” Hux was still reaching up to try and pry Ren’s iron grip off of his arm, even as he tried to explain. “This _will_ work. In the case that it doesn’t, which is slim at best, I will be assassinated on that platform and it is your duty to - “

“You will _not_.” Ren ignored the clawing hands trying to pull him off, his grip only tightening at the mention of an assassination. If Hux dared to look up at his eyes, he would have seen how wide, how feral they’d become. But he refused - perhaps because there was a part of him that simply knew Ren would over-react this way.

“No one’s going to hurt you.” Ren’s words sounded like they were already coated in the blood of someone who dared try, but Hux continued to ignore the man’s descent into villainy as he finally found a grip on the fingers and pried them off, one by one.

“That is the optimal scenario, I admit. I’m merely prepared for every option. Unlike you, Ren, I think ahead. Fully. And I’m not _opposed_ to you foiling any supposed assassination attempt, but should it ever come down to saving me, or getting her out of here, you will choose her. You _will._ ” His eyes finally lifted to meet Ren’s, and his blood chilled when he saw just how violent that gaze had become. 

Hux lifted his chin, and met the face of death with his own determination, regardless of how his chest constricted in fear. “Is that clear?”

“You said you’d help me.” 

It was a whisper, too quiet for Hux to hear, and he assumed Ren was simply being petulant again.

“What was that?” Hux snapped back, tired of the time wasted on this conversation, in this hallway, with this man. Tired of all of it.

Ren glared up at him for one brief moment, and Hux read every flash of hurt and betrayal in his eyes. Ren had caught that particular thought, as unfortunate as it was, and it was enough to quiet whatever flames had been fueling his actions, until he was left cold and empty once more.

Hux exhaled, feeling the sting of regret clench his heart in a way that he just knew the man in front of him could feel. So he said nothing, and turned back to walking towards the lift, visibly shaken by the conversation.

Or more accurately, shaken by what was being left unsaid, as always.

Ren followed him in silence, turning in to stand beside him in the lift. When the doors slid shut in front of them, Hux felt the world-shattering brush of long fingers twitching beside his hand, searching until they’d caught on his own. Out of instinct his head started to turn, but he only twitched an inch before he caught himself and kept his eyes straight ahead.

“Is there something you mean to do with that hand, Ren?” Hux asked, half-way between bewildered and amused. He could feel Ren’s sudden withdrawal, the moment he’d questioned the action, and he was careful not to allow himself to feel regret.

“You don’t mind when Rey does it.” Ren breathed out, in near tantrum levels of petulance.

Could Hux really be so surprised that Ren had just begun to realize his needs and Rey’s weren’t as different as he’d once thought? Despite this being somehow completely rational, he was. He couldn’t reason the nightmarish Knight of Ren as someone who might, even now, simply need a hand to hold.

And he’d been given so many clues, that he felt hollow with his own failure at having never noticed it. The moment Ren had gripped him in his embrace and used his control, he should have known. He should have suspected something.

He did, a voice in the back of his head informed him. It was simply too dangerous to admit that he wanted to be the one to offer it, too.

With an over-exaggerated sigh of exasperation, Hux reached out to grasp the now clenched fist beside him, unraveling Ren’s hand just enough to intertwine their fingers. The lift ride was a safe place, and long enough to give them what few moments they dared. He brought Ren’s hand up to his chest, and patted his other hand around it until it was safe, and secure, in the cup of both Hux’s hands.

“No one’s going to hurt you.” Ren repeated, though his voice was less feral this time, and much more resolved.

“Fine. _Fine._ No one’s going to hurt me. _Ren the all powerful_ is going to take on the entire First Order army, should they come for my head. I believe you. Will you relax, now?”

“I could.” Ren muttered, the childishness back in his deep, dark voice. The lift was nearing their destination, so Hux released Ren’s hand and placed it back against his side. “I would.”

It was foolish for Hux to believe the first. It felt terrifying for him to believe the second. But this was what he’d wanted, this entire time, he reminded himself. The most powerful Force users in the galaxy, sworn to protect him. He should have been thrilled.

When the lift doors opened and he began the long walk through the ranks of Stormtroopers stationed on the platform, all he felt was sick to his stomach.

It helped, surprisingly, to school his face back into it’s typical scowl. Being vaguely nauseous was working in his favor, even if he felt like he was crumbling from the inside out. His gait was confident, and the Knight beside him had returned to being a wraith of anger and disgust, his fists now tightly clenched as if they were constantly ready to crush someone’s throat.

They walked through the ranks of the ‘troopers who resided on the Finalizer, down an exceedingly long distance until they finally reached the platform. Mitaka was already waiting, fidgeting with his hat. Behind him, like a chrome statue, stood a fully armed Phasma.

It seemed like he wasn’t the only one preparing contingency plans that day.

They’d barely climbed up the stairs to the platform before someone was informing General Mitaka that the broadcast was going live in one minute. The masses before them were only one ship’s worth of crew; but the entirety of the First Order would see this transmission. Every single one would know.

“Are you ready, General?” Mitaka asked, despite the fact that he himself looked about ready to throw up. Hux found relief in Mitaka’s unease, and patted the other General’s shoulder while lifting up a half-hearted smile.

“None of us are ready for this. But we’ll do it, just the same.”

He could see the sigh lift Mitaka’s shoulders, and the pale man’s face broke out in a nervous smile.

“Good luck, sir.” He offered.

“And to you.” Hux replied, letting him go to take the forefront of the platform. He was the commanding officer - it was his duty to begin.

Mitaka wasn’t prepared to change history, that day. Hux thought he never would be. But just as he’d told the man, he’d do it just the same.

One way or another.

A call pierced the air, mechanical and sharp, as squad leaders called for attention and were responded to with the echoing cracks of thousands of men in plastoid shells turning rigid attention to the platform. It was all the signal they would receive, but Mitaka still looked back at the General as if to wait for some sort of further confirmation that it was time to speak. He received it in a sharp, understated nod.

His part was so simple, yet he stuttered through it regardless. The entirety of the First Order was unaware that any changes had even taken place - save for those on the Finalizer that were privy to General Mitaka’s current promotion. To the rest, this would seem like nothing more than an introduction before the only man who held the rights to speak to an entire nation of soldiers would take his place in the spotlight.

General Mitaka fumbled as he tried to remember the exact words Hux had laid out for him, the night before. The confidence he had for the infrastructure that remained standing even after their catastrophic loss. His acquiescence to the judgement of General Hux. The call for attention, urgent and somewhat agitated, to a new adjustment.

And that was all he’d been given, simple and vague, before he was meant to turn back to Hux. When the General realized Mitaka was not turning, he felt the ice of anxiety run through his veins.

“This isn’t going to be easy to hear.” Mitaka started, and Hux chanced a single, dangerous glance at Ren beside him. Ren had no idea this wasn’t in the plan until he caught the look in Hux’s eyes, and turned them to narrow dangerously at Mitaka.

Was this a betrayal? It would be perfectly timed, if so - but Hux found himself devoid of the necessary faith involved in believing that Mitaka could be so clever.

“But please, if I can ask for anything, it’s that you heed everything you’re about to hear. Our future depends on it.”

He wasn’t clever enough to stage his own betrayal, but Hux still found himself surprised to find that Mitaka was boldly speaking from his heart at a time when he’d been so wracked with nervous energy already. It took more courage than a coup itself, to expose his true feelings so publically. Hux idly wondered what that felt like.

It was just a passing thought.

Beside him, he felt Ren turn rigid and cold. Something had changed, with Mitaka’s words. Something had cracked, and Hux knew exactly why that was affecting the man beside him.

Mitaka had just exposed himself as a traitor to Snoke, and there was no way the Supreme Leader hadn’t seen this message hidden in his words. He may have known this was the plan all along, but it was Mitaka’s heartfelt plea that stirred the Supreme Leader into action - and Ren could feel it, from the moment it began.

They were running out of time.

General Hux took the main platform, after General Mitaka stepped off of it. It rose at his step, lifting him several feet upward before it stopped.

He had so much to say. And so little time left to say it. Any moment, he could simply keel over, dead. Ren promised he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him, but did that offer really extend to Snoke? Hux doubted he alone had the power.

Despite how long he’d worked on his speech the night before, it was time for some last minute revisions.

He absolutely hated that.

“Today.” His crisp voice traveled, artificially augmented from the moment he’d been raised. The word was punctuated in the silence that followed it, left to drift off and disappear into its own echoes. “You will hear no stirring speeches of propaganda. You will not be forced to endure the synthetic pull of loyalty that your training has forced upon you. This will be a day unlike any we have ever experienced. Unlike any we have ever been _free_ to express. Today is the first day that this nation will come together as one, not to fight our enemies, but to mourn. And to seek the truth behind our tragedy.”

They were words the First Order had never heard in their entire lives. Stormtroopers were not given the freedom to mourn; not now, and not since before the Empire. Their deaths were not meant to be thought of as losses, but as commodities, and the reconditioning program had done well to train these men and women to think of themselves as weapons, instead of people.

Or so he’d once thought, before the deserter; before seeing a squadron of them ready to fire on him out of boiled over revenge.

He’d long since accepted the failures of the reconditioning program. This was the first step to repairing the damage that his father’s legacy had left behind.

“This - is an unprecedented moment in our history, and one I am fully prepared to realize. All of you, the entirety of the First Order, deserve the chance to mourn our tremendous loss. And you deserve to know the truth about _why this day has come at all._ ”

His voice had begun to raise, out of sheer terrorizing anger. It was here, at this critical point, that the calmness fell away and gave rise to something too ferocious to be ignored. He screamed with the passion of a man who’s lost everything; because he has, and so have they.

Their agony, their pain, threaded convincingly through his voice.

“Our might has been on the cusp of victory for some time, and yet - here we are, crippled by an unknown factor, and bleeding from a wound that will not heal. Our brave brothers and sisters have died - not for the First Order, but for one _man_ , whose ultimate goals have never once paralleled our own. Together, we have struck down our greatest enemy in a single stroke, and yet, while the ashes of the fallen Republic still burned, we were _betrayed_ by the hubris of the Supreme Leader. The selfish, singular whims of a madman have led our great power to ruin, and I will _not_ let the First Order continue to burn blindly at his feet.”

He felt it, now. The hushed shifting of discord, coming from men who’d been trained since birth to hide their emotions. He knew what he was saying was the most treacherous blasphemy known to the First Order, and the dangerous thrill of it had him soaring with light-headedness. Everything in their training must have been screaming to shoot him down where he stood.

But he was still alive. Still breathing. Still talking. As far as he was concerned, this hesitance was as good as a victory.

“Today, I stand before you, but I will not command you to follow me into this new era. I will not demand your blind faith any longer. Now, I ask you, members of the First Order, to remember those we have lost, and assure that their lives were _not spent in vain._ No longer will we look to the unknown for our path. We were created to bring justice and peace to this galaxy, not to entertain the whims of a leader who has _lied_ to us from the very beginning, who uses our great strength as nothing more than a powerful distraction. I will not stand to let the memory of the fallen be disrespected _any longer_. Our brothers and sisters have given their lives for the glory of the First Order. I stand before you, and I ask you, help me assure that glory remains, and we will conquer this galaxy together, as one. Join me in restoring the First Order to it’s rightful path, and know that _all_ who fall in our march will live on in our victory, forever!”

The sound of the silence following his final words stung, ringing in his ears painfully. There was no collected yell, no perfectly choreographed call of agreement from masses of men whose minds were only partially their own.

Just silence.

A deep, mourning silence.

And then a blaster shot.

He wished he hadn’t flinched, but the truth was that he’d only half expected it. Whether or not Kylo Ren thought he was powerful enough to protect him from assassination really didn’t matter, when it came to that moment. Hux knew that an attempt was just as bad as a success, when it came down to it. So his face pinched when he heard the sound, in an instinctive, angry flinch.

But the blaster shot wasn’t aimed at him, nor was it alone.

Within seconds, every single weapon was being discharged into the air, firing repeatedly until there was a thick fog of smoke beginning to choke the platform and everything just above it. Accompanying the firing was a belated, but no less chilling bellow of thousands upon thousands of men and women screaming at the top of their lungs - not cheering, exactly, but expressing every pent up emotion all at once in a terrifying wail that spoke of mourning and determination in equal parts. There was so much in all of them that ached to be set free, and although General Hux had been confident in his speech, he’d never really counted on just how desperately they had needed to hear it.

He inferred, with no small measure of satisfaction, that he’d underestimated just how ineffective his father’s reconditioning program really was, and how easily that would now work in his favor.

He would lead, not by force, but by loyalty - a severely underestimated tactic, in his opinion. Despite their tremendous losses, and sudden change in leadership - Hux wagered that the First Order had just become twice as dangerous of a galactic power than it had ever been, before.

And it was his.

All of it.

The platform lowered as he lifted his blaster from its sheath under his greatcoat, and pointed it up, firing it indiscriminately in order to join in the thunderous memorial, sealing himself as their herald into this new rebirth.

He imagined each shot sinking deep into the heart of the decrepit body of their former Supreme Leader, and bit back a grin as he replaced his blaster at his side and filed through the ranks of still firing ‘troopers, with Ren and Mitaka at either side of him. Captain Phasma was close behind, but she’d given them a wide berth - because she’d joined in on the firing early on, and hadn’t stopped even as she walked. General Hux could hear her powerful voice even now, roaring with pride behind them.

He’d never heard the Captain exhibit that much emotion in his life.

It was _exhilarating_.

None of them spoke until they had left the main platform, and the sound of gunfire was a distant, muffled rumble. He could feel it still, under his boots. Even now, they could not be contained.

“Not that I’m complaining, but all that work last night - what happened?” Mitaka sounded breathless, vibrating with a mixture of fear and excitement. “I could have sworn you had so much more written.”

Hux flickered his gaze to Ren for a moment, before daring to answer. “Snoke happened. Your introduction spurred him into action. We had far less time than we’d hoped for, but.” He waved his hands idly across his body as silent indication that he was still alive. “How long until we should expect a visit from our benevolent Supreme Leader, Commander Ren?”

Ren looked distant, his brows furrowed in dark confusion. “He was almost here. Seconds away from docking, I’d guess. And then the shooting started - I’m not sure what happened - his ship never docked. He isn’t coming - “

Hux’s breath left him in a shuddered exhale at Ren’s choppy, confused details. He alone understood exactly what had occurred. That Snoke had attempted to board before the speech was over - and failed. The ‘troopers reactions were enough to stave off any immediate assassination attempts. Now, killing him would have only made him a martyr to the cause.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and willed himself to _breathe._

“Captain.” He barely managed. “Oversee preparations for the reconditioning changes with the General. Implement them immediately. I want these soldiers to know we’re not just blowing hot air at them.”

Phasma straightened, nodding her head firmly in agreement. “Sir.” She answered, turning to leave immediately with Mitaka on her tail. The man still hardly looked like a General - but he’d have to learn to find the strength for the role, and soon.

Hux couldn’t be bothered to spare a thought for it, now. He was barely able to contain the flush of satisfaction that he chased like a high, stuttering his breaths to staccatos as he stormed into the lift. He swiveled and faced the black cloth of a Knight - _his Knight, now_ \- and stared at Ren’s back as the doors hissed shut and the lift jolted with movement back up towards the quarters.

He stood there for at least a handful of seconds, glaring hotly at the black wall in front of him, before he shoved Ren out of the way and slammed the meat of his palm against the emergency stop. It all boiled over; his flush of victory, his brush with impending death, the fact that he’d all but _run Supreme Leader Snoke off_. The sound of blasters firing still echoed in his head like fireworks, bursting repeatedly inside of him until the smoke of it choked his throat and he couldn’t breathe until he was allowed to release, himself.

He rounded on the other man in the elevator, and saw it all reflected in his eyes. Ren had never felt anything like what Hux was forcing on him now, and it flushed his skin attractively in splotches along his cheeks. Victory looked damn good on him.

Hux grabbed each of those cheeks in his hands, pressing down so hard they turned the skin underneath them white, and his nails dug lightly as he forced Ren down against him, until their lips clashed hard and overheated skin burned against his lips. It was rough and felt more like fighting than kissing, because he took what he wanted and refused to give anything back. His teeth snapped out against the meat of Ren’s lower lip and he tugged, pulling it out until he heard an angry growl and pressed his lips against the tender skin to kiss the pain away.

He arched his head just enough to look up at Ren’s flushed, flustered face, and smirked in absolute triumph.

“I think I rather deserved that.” Hux informed Ren smugly, as his hands fell away from those reddened cheeks.

He really should have expected the hard snap of Ren’s fingers around his wrists, binding him from moving more than an inch away from where his hands had been. He should have, but he hadn’t - and all the smug satisfaction drained from his face as the mirror of his own emotions broke. All he saw in Ren’s face now was a very dark, feral hunger. These were no longer the haunted reflections of his own emotions. He’d inspired something very different in Ren, and he watched that inspiration turn into desire.

Not quite his intention, but not necessarily unwanted.

Ren’s movements were unnaturally quick, as was to be expected from a Force user. He slammed Hux into the opposite side of the lift, and pinned Hux’s wrists up over his head. The General had been riding a wave of superiority and control a moment ago, and Ren had managed to tear down every inch of it in one swift move. It elicited a sneer that expired mere seconds from its birth, as Ren descended on him and stole more than just a kiss from his lips. 

He briefly noted how soft and wide Ren’s lips were, as they forced his own to part and accept a demanding, exploring tongue. Then he noted nothing at all, as the world whited out in pleasure and the sound of distant, helpless moans. 

Ren was already grinding his body lewdly against Hux’s slender form like an unhinged animal by the time the emergency stop was remotely switched off, and the lift stuttered back to life under their feet. Hux took advantage of the element of surprise, and shoved Ren off of him. He dropped his arms and rubbed the sore redness on his wrists, as he stood there and desperately tried to catch his breath. His eyes were blown wide with desire, glaring angrily at the heavily breathing man across from him. He dared not say a word now, knowing full well Ren would come for him, just for the chance to steal any sound from his lips.

The lift bounced as it arrived on their level, and the doors hissed open behind Hux. He swiveled, exiting just a little too quickly to look anything but desperate.

“Send my regards to our guest, and let her know the good news while you’re at it, won’t you Commander?” Hux called out, refusing to so much as turn as he folded his hands behind his back and walked away.

The sound of Ren’s voice made his heart stutter, and he cursed internally when he felt it - but then he caught wind of what the man was _saying_ , and suddenly it was all worth it.

“As you wish, Admiral.”

Hux paused his step.

He’d just addressed the entirety of the First Order - not just the crew of the Finalizer, who stood in front of him. Ships across the galaxy, listening to his every word. There was no confirmation yet if all of these ships had responded in the same positive manner as the Finalizer’s crew, but if they had, then Ren was not wrong. He’d inadvertently just acquired an entire fleet. That made him an Admiral.

The flush of victory was back, and he turned his head to peer at Ren from over his shoulder with narrowed eyes and a devious grin.

He liked the sound of that.

Without a word, he continued on to his own quarters, flush and aroused and utterly _triumphant._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was another long wait for this one, but that is because I have found my actual weakness. Writing speeches is my kryptonite. I am never, NEVER, writing another speech in a fanfic again FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE. I LITERALLY HAD EVERYTHING BUT THE SPEECH WRITTEN LIKE DAYS AGO. And I kept trying to write the speech and hux was like no, everything is wrong and you are terrible and should give up on this forever
> 
> I did not listen to him but it took me a while before I could finally get it right, or at least I hope I did. Hux speeches are apparently very important to me.
> 
> ANYWAY. Sorry for the delay but this chapter is huge and important and I think it's hopefully worth the wait. In the meantime I have more bad news, I'm leaving in two days for a trip to Canada (Anime North!) and I'll be gone for a week. So the next chapter is going to probably have a similar wait time as this one. I hope it's not that bad, but after I'm back I can get back to multiple chapters per week and will feel much better about everything.
> 
> AND NOW FOR SOME FANART. Because I was blessed recently with a piece of art by [starshine-galaxy](http://starshine-galaxy.tumblr.com/) who shares my utter love for all things reyux and decided she wanted to draw Rey and Hux dancing from Chapter 17. [SO SHE DID AND IT IS AMAZING AND LOOK AT THEIR EXPRESSIONS LOOOOK.](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/144711806063/starshine-galaxy-and-several-missteps-stubbed) She NAILED their expressions so perfectly, and also her art is gorgeous and I am in love. THANK YOU STARSHINE. ;;
> 
> And thank YOU for reading and commenting and just generally making me feel like there are people enjoying this story, it makes me so happy to share something with all of you!! HAVE A GREAT END OF MAY!


	23. Chapter 23

When sleep finally came, he knew there was some surface tension spread over his consciousness that could not be broken, but he was still remarkably aware of himself even while he dreamt, and could feel the soft give of the bed underneath his seated body. He was aware of everything, even of how impossible it was to rouse himself from his unconscious state. Something held him there, just under the surface, where he could see the other side but never touch it.

Kylo turned his head. On his left, Rey was asleep against the curl of his arm, just as she had been the night before. Despite what his eyes told him, he recalled with vivid clarity that she’d been given her own quarters that night. He knew she wasn’t really there beside him; and yet, he felt her warmth and the soft, tender shift of her lithe body. It was more real than a dream should be. 

On his right, he found Hux resting against his other shoulder, and the sight disoriented him. He’d never been allowed to observe the man this close, nor had he ever seen him asleep. A foreign peace was settled on his face that simply did not exist in real life, and he wondered how his imagination was creating the image of it when he had no memory to compare it to. Despite the disorientation, there were features there that he _had_ experienced, and he took advantage of the privacy of his own dreams to explore them now, where no one would know. His eyes followed the sharp lines of Hux’s hollowed out cheeks, all the way to the high bones lifting his features into something unnaturally alluring. There was an elegance to the man’s face that Hux couldn’t possibly have control over, but Kylo still knew that Hux prided himself in every other level of control. The perfect smoothness of his combed back hair. The tight rigidness of his collar, still buttoned up to his neck even as he slept. His clothes were unhindered and unwrinkled by the curved press of his body against Kylo’s, as only dreams could allow them to be. 

He was so beautiful, Kylo admitted to himself. And not a hair out of place, even in his sleep.

His gloved fingers reached up and brushed down the line of Hux’s cheekbones, resting finally on the thin lips that demanded his entire focus in that one, narrow moment.

Hux had kissed him. He remembered that, even here, in his dream. It wasn’t love, or even affection, but he’d kissed him, nonetheless.

Kylo’s tongue slipped out from between his teeth thoughtlessly, wetting his suddenly dry lips before his teeth pulled his lower lip between them.

No one had ever kissed him like that before. It felt more important than his first kiss, and far more memorable than his last. He knew it wasn’t wrong to want to be kissed like that, but he could feel a warning in the air between him and the sleeping man against his shoulder, like a blaring red light that demanded he _Do Not Touch. Off Limits_ , it said. This one was too important.

It would have been easier if the fate of the galaxy did not hinge on this one breathtaking man. Then, Kylo thought, it would be safe to kiss him. To use him. To take what he wanted without issue.

He pulled his head back from the intoxicating image of his thumb grazing Hux’s sleeping lips, and pressed his head hard against the wall behind him.

He’d already seen the future, he reminded himself. He knew where he stood, and what waited for him. He’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. So long, in fact, that he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to know he wouldn’t always be alone. The visions had only gotten clearer as time passed, and even though he hadn’t had one in months he could remember the exact moment Rey’s face first appeared in his mind. 

He’d been there to witness the anger furrow her brow once, the day she’d loomed over him and considered ending his life on Starkiller. But he’d _already_ seen that face, filled with rage and hate, so many times before that day. 

Her destiny had always resided thickly in the darkness, even further than his, but standing by his side nonetheless. She was his destiny, and the Dark side was hers. He’d been sure of it for so long, now.

Even if he could not possibly reconcile that knowledge with the face pressed against his body, burying herself in a knot and hoarding his warmth for her own. The sweetness, the Light, that literally pulsed from her was so strong it burned his skin and left him marked everywhere she touched.

She was supposed to lose that Light. He was meant to watch it dim as his hands wrapped around her, pulling her down into the abyss he’d long since drowned himself in. She was supposed to be the reason he would no longer be alone. His reward, for accepting the path dictated to him by the Supreme Leader himself. A promise that said path was leading him where he wanted to be, no matter how painful each step was.

But his visions had always shown her kneeling at _Snoke’s_ feet, not his. Now, there was no Snoke to turn her. 

Kylo waited for the crushing pain of loneliness to set in at that thought. If Rey remained firmly fixed in the Light, then everything he’d worked for truly was lost. The betrayal of Snoke’s intentions had been one thing - but this was another, entirely.

And yet.

That same blaring light began to hover around her face, pulsing in bursts of red that colored her angelic features.

_Do Not Touch._

_Off Limits._

When the ache did not come, he searched for it, and found only relief. The selfless nature of his emotions disgusted him; but all he wanted, all he cared about now, was that Rey wouldn’t have to follow him down into the darkness anymore.

She wouldn’t be his. He could accept that, until he couldn’t. But by then, he hoped it wouldn’t matter.

It felt strange, not knowing the path that lay ahead for him. His skin felt raw and exposed, tingling uncomfortably at the encroaching presence of both untouchable people beside him. He was giving up too much, too fast, and it felt like his skin was being flayed away with the slow acceptance of it.

But they both looked so happy, asleep and untouched.

It wasn’t a very hard to burden to bear.

* * *

A chime at the door signalled an arrival, though Hux couldn’t imagine who thought it was necessary to bother him this early in the morning. He’d ordered the tailor specifically to arrive early enough to be left to their privacy, yet he should have known that it was impossible to keep anything to himself when he’d purposefully surrounded himself with Force users that could worm their way into his private thoughts whenever they pleased. Rey was not the type to do so, but he did not doubt she possessed the ability. That left only one option, and that option stomped through the sliding doors of his private quarters before he’d actually given the go ahead for him to enter.

It was too early to be aggravated with the man, so for once, he let the absurd lack of manners pass over him without complaint.

“I take it the speech went over well.” Ren’s voice was rough and thick with exhaustion, which would have made sense even if it wasn’t as absurdly early as it was.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Hux responded smugly as he was being measured for his new uniform, all at once casual and calm despite the fact that he was only half dressed in front of Ren. His arms were spread out at either side of him as his tailor continued to measure every inch of his body and valiantly ignored the intrusion. 

He wasn’t wrong; Hux had already received the reports indicating how many Generals were pledging their ships to his cause, and some had even arrived from out of hyperspace to return to the fleet from their distant staging points. The spread had been necessary, in their infancy. Now that they had established their power, the First Order required a more central might.

The fleet that continued to grow with each passing hour would be a daunting sight to any who dared come near the wide swath of space that was now littered with Star Destroyers.

“I looked out a damn window.” Ren snapped out, easily caught in his own lie. Hux knew exactly how Ren knew information that had yet to be shared with him, though there was no doubt the physical sight of the Star Destroyer fleet had struck up enough of a buzz on the control deck for him to have overheard some of it. If anything, the excitement of the crew was probably the exact reason Ren was awake at this early of an hour.

Hux wondered if the man had ever managed any sleep that night at all.

“Hardly.” Ren replied, causing the tension in Hux’s back to force him rigid. He _hated_ when his thoughts were responded to. Ren ignored the reaction, slumping down into a lounge chair and lolling his head back against the cushioned edge. “It’s not the first time. It won’t be the last.”

But it wasn’t his own thoughts that had kept Ren up now, and Hux could tell by the constant shift of his body, reacting to phantoms that were needling at him constantly. The ship was on high alert and frothed up into a frenzy. Hux had inspired his men - and that inspiration was an emotion so thick, so overwhelming, that it left Ren aching for a single moment of peace. 

“And Rey? Did you keep her up as well?”

Ren’s tired eyes narrowed to slits at the implication. “She’s been assigned her own room. _She_ managed to sleep - and sleeps still.” His tense expression had softened into something distant, as he checked on her. For a weak, jealous moment, Hux wondered what that must feel like.

To be able to reach out, and just _feel_ another.

Or more specifically, her.

“I can get a sleeping agent prescribed for you, if this problem persists. I think it’s wise to keep you fully alert, at a time like this.”

The tailor had already gotten the measurements he needed, and he’d handed Hux back his shirt, which was almost immediately buttoned up to the neck. Hux stepped off of the small pedestal he’d been on as he was being measured, and held the door open for the man after thanking him for his service. He thought it prudent to keep conversation to a minimum, until he’d made sure the tailor was out of earshot.

“Was this always a problem?” He murmured, his voice twisted in transformation from the crisp, cold snap of an officer to the kinder words of a caring friend. “You can’t seriously have been suffering through this every day while you did your job.”

“You’d be surprised how little your Stormtroopers allowed themselves to feel, before this renovation you’ve begun.” Ren admitted, bringing his hands to his temple. “This was never a problem, before.”

It was Hux’s fault, then. No matter, he reminded himself. They’d already planned to work on control; this simply moved their timetable up a little bit.

To now, specifically.

He stepped behind Ren and placed a hand on his shoulder. “This is as good a time as ever to try and figure things out. We are, after all, both awake at an obscene hour with no hope of sleeping the rest of the morning away. I can’t think of a better use of this time.”

“Can’t you?” Ren rumbled out, lolling his head back in response to the weight of Hux’s hand on the thick cloth covering his shoulder. Hux’s fingers tightened for the briefest second, before a soft breath of a snort left him and he forced himself to relax.

“Cute.” Hux scoffed. “But no. You’ll need better concentration than that if you’re going to find some peace in that messy jumble you call a mind. Unless,”

The sentence faded away into nothing, as Hux was unwilling to finish the thought. It was a viable option, though he was loathe to admit it. He assumed Ren would need lessons in control and focus - and not once had he ever considered the idea that distraction could bring him more fruitful peace from his debilitating issue. It was the less likely option, but still a possible solution to be considered at some point.

And he knew - without even searching for it - that in the quiet of his unfinished thought he’d been caught with a mind that wandered loudly enough for a nosy Force user to hear every word.

“Perhaps some other time.” He spoke aloud now, reaching up to push Ren’s head upright again roughly, and replacing the hands that had once been at Ren’s temples with his own insistent probes. “I’d still wager your issue is control. Even I doubt I’m fully prepared to see you at a total loss of it, at this point.”

He felt, more than heard, the strange rumble that was vibrating in Ren’s chest. It was absurd, and almost inhuman, which struck him with its insensibility as much as it empowered him. Here was this creature, this harbinger of death, practically purring under the touch of Hux’s hand. It was a heady, intoxicating feeling.

The vibrating stopped.

“Let’s start here.” Hux’s hands lifted off of Ren’s head, slowly enough to hide the sudden anxiety that swelled under his ribs. “You’re awake because the Stormtroopers have been emoting too strongly for your tastes. Am I correct?”

He moved around to sit on the pedestal he’d been standing on when he’d been measured. As he faced Ren, he felt a sudden sense of dread pit down in his stomach, and settle there as heavy as a rock. He could see that Ren was having a difficult time looking straight at him, and the answer to his question was not coming as quickly as he’d hoped. So he was wrong, then. There was something more - something obvious, that even Hux knew he’d have to face, eventually.

This was a little sooner than he’d hoped.

“No.” Ren said. “You know that’s not the only reason I can’t sleep.”

Feigning innocence felt childish, and pointless. Hux watched with a stern eye as Ren’s lower lip disappeared between his teeth, and fought against the urge to do something about it. “Enlighten me.” He asked, knowing full well he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“You kissed me.”

Because it was a very obvious answer, and he had no good response for it once it had been spoken.

“And?” Hux’s eyebrows lifted, daring Ren to interpret his actions with more intent than he was willing to admit to.

Instead, he was served a reminder of Ren’s temper, which he actually hadn’t experienced in a shocking amount of time. The man lurched up onto his feet so violently it knocked the chair out from under him, toppling it onto it’s side with a loud crash. Hux could feel the swell of rage boiling over the man almost as if he had Force sensitivity of his own, catching hints of just how angry that one word had managed to make Ren. 

“Not everything is a game, _General_.” Ren reminded him in a sickening, feral growl. It was clear how angry Hux’s nonchalance made him by the use of his previous rank, as if Ren alone had the power to demote him. It was almost cute.

Almost.

“No?” Hux hummed out, standing up to face the snarling expression in front of him. “And it’s Admiral, now. You know that.” He batted a finger against Ren’s lips twice; a strangely fond admonishment. “Not everything is a game. But this is. And you should know me by now, Ren.” His fingers curled under the man’s chin, tugging Ren’s head up until he had to look down that long nose to see Hux’s smirking face. “I _always_ play to win.”

Ren snapped his face away from Hux’s hold just a little too late to hide the hesitance, and attempted to loom with his imposing presence in a desperate counter-attack to Hux’s power play. There was little he could do but stand his ground, and express his extreme displeasure in the curling sneer of his turned down lips.

“Did you enjoy it?” Hux asked, his nonchalance continuing despite the danger. “I’d say it was rather rushed, myself. I suppose that’s my fault, instigating something so inappropriate in public. You’ll forgive me, won’t you? I was a bit flush with victory.”

The tense silence that followed Hux’s easily spoken words managed to set him on edge. His casual nature was not rubbing off on Ren as he’d hoped it would.

“Was that all it was?” Ren’s voice was too soft, too penetrating. “Victory?”

The apathy in Hux’s expression cracked with a frown before he answered, too quick to think.

“Is that all you want it to be?”

He felt the dangerous tread of ground that neither of them felt safe on, and perhaps he should have been more careful with his words, but there was no taking them back, now. 

He waited for something. Anything. Angered curses followed quickly by denial. The disgust and scathing, sarcastic wit. Or, even less likely, acceptance. He could feel the decisive moment cresting over like the white foam of a wave, and he stood ready to let it crash over him, whatever the outcome may be.

Ren’s silence left him dry and unsatisfied, because there was nothing but conflict in the man’s eyes. He didn’t know _what_ he wanted - or more likely, what he was allowed to want, anymore.

“You’re a bit of a mess.” Hux answered for him, watching the confusion that had made Ren look too young suddenly dissolve in place of a much more familiar disdain. “Perhaps the topic needs tabling until you’ve figured yourself out, first. Though, sate my curiosity - have the emotions of the Stormtroopers hindered you at all during this conversation?”

Ren’s face was so emotive, it almost hurt to watch it change once more. His expression smoothed out in awe, and then his brow crumpled. He’d been caught by surprise at the answer - which, without having to say a word, Hux knew would be an unexpected _no_.

“So distraction does work, then.” Hux surmised, trying not to enjoy the revelation too much. “Interesting. Shall we continue?”

His body turned to the side and gestured for Ren to pick up the knocked over seat and return to it, and he rose both eyebrows in astonishment as his gesture was immediately respected. Ren brushed past him, picked up his seat, and dropped down onto it with a slump.

Hux tried not to enjoy how good it felt to acquire Ren’s obedience, and completely, utterly failed to hide that satisfaction from the Force user beside him. If Ren had any problems with the flush of pleasure coursing through the Admiral, he made no notion of it. He just turned a patient head up, tilting it to one side like a curious animal.

The _bastard_ , Hux thought to himself. _Now he’s doing this on purpose._ He felt compelled to convince himself that this was the truth, that Ren was manipulating Hux based on the easily readable reactions he was getting, and not simply - he cringed to think of the word - _being cute._

"I assume you've already tried meditating, since that would seem the easiest solution." 

There was a tart twang of annoyance that sharpened Hux's voice, and it tugged a smile up on the corner of Ren's lips to know exactly why he was suddenly so frustrated. 

"But what about blocking, that little trick you shared with Rey early on? How does that work, exactly?"

The ghosting smile disappeared on Ren’s lips, and he bent in to rest his arms on his knees, as if to take the conversation more seriously. “That blocks our bond. It’s different, it stems directly from the Force. With others, it isn’t necessarily their Force I am feeling, but their emotions.”

Hux shook his head in disbelief. “Yes, but your amplification is due to your Force abilities, is it not? Doesn’t that mean that if you learn to block _yourself_ from others, their emotions won’t bleed into you?”

It sounded so simple when Hux tried to explain it, but Ren had no way of describing how much more intricate the complexities of it really was. He wasn’t necessarily _wrong_ , it was just far more difficult than simple words made it seem.

The doubt was so easily readable on Ren’s face, that Hux needed no clarification to know he was already trying to talk himself out of it. “Whether or not you think you can do this thing is irrelevant. The question remains; have you tried, and has there been any measure of success worth speaking of?”

Ren’s eyes flashed dangerously, and a sneer exposed his teeth for a moment. “I’ve tried _everything_. What you’re describing is impossible. I can’t control this power the way I control the Force - it’s like trying to control your heart from beating - “

“You _can_ control that, with enough practice.” Hux pointed out, setting off another snarl of annoyance from the man in front of him.

“ - or the way your blood runs through your veins - “

“Again, you only think these things are impossible because you underestimate yourself. You can control _anything_ with enough determination, Ren. That’s the point I’m trying to impress upon you. Difficult, and impossible, are two very different things. One might have once thought it impossible to turn the entirety of the First Order against Leader Snoke in one day. And yet here we are.”

He couldn’t help it. His eyes shone with a fierce pride when using his own triumph as an example, and when they met Ren’s, he expected to see more of the annoyance that rolled off the man in waves.

Instead, he’d caught on to something that wouldn’t let go, and realized Ren looked transfixed, as if Hux had netted him up and captured him with nothing but a look. He didn’t want to like the way it felt to hold Ren’s gaze so intently, but he did, oh. He absolutely did. He wanted the Knight to stare at him just so, for all of eternity.

He rose and fell in a deep sigh, and something soft breezed through his expression, allowing Ren the chance to escape the intensity and breathe again. He almost felt bad for the poor man; everything must have felt so much more acute and vivid, within him. He cringed at how much an over-exposure of emotion must truly hurt; and Ren nodded an agreement with a wrinkled brow, in silent reply to the thought. 

No wonder he’d lashed out so terribly often.

“Come on, then.” Hux’s voice had hushed to gentler tones, as he leaned in close enough to force Ren to back away. “You will try. Again, and again, you will try, and you will fail, and you will try again. Because I said so. I will not let you give up so easily. You will keep at it, until I am sure there’s no point. Do you accept these terms?”

Hux’s eyes were momentarily distracted by the bob of Ren’s throat, as he swallowed hard before making an attempt to respond. When he did, the sound of his voice was that familiar gruff of emotion that vibrated in low tones, barely making it past his lips.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Hux huffed out in a short, exaggerated sigh. “Start now, with the easiest step. Find Rey. She’s still asleep, mm? But even in dreams we exhibit some residual emotion; tune in to her, and find it, then we’ll work from there. After all, you’re practiced in blocking her bond out. Now I want you to block yourself from her completely. Can you try that?”

He felt like he was talking to a wall. The moment he’d spoken Rey’s name, Ren had become distracted enough to lose focus on the conversation, with eyes that flickered back and forth wildly in confusion, and Hux was sure he’d missed all of the directions he’d tried to apply. He could have attempted to snap Ren’s attention back to him, but instead he waited, tense and disappointed, for Ren to catch his gaze again and realize what he’d done.

That moment did not come quite the way Hux expected, though Ren’s eyes did return to his. Where he’d expected guilt, Hux only saw fear. Cold, gripping fear.

He realized, a moment too late, that Ren had not been distracted by Rey’s presence at all.

“What?” The sound of his own voice felt foreign in Hux’s ears as he whispered shakily.

“She’s _gone_.” The impact of Ren’s desperate words had Hux leaning away, as the breath escaped his lungs. Ren was already standing, barrelling through the door like a beast, and Hux could hear the distant fading of hard stomps on the corridor floor as Ren rushed towards Rey’s quarters.

When Hux could breathe again, all he managed in the quiet room he’d been left alone in, was a soft, defeated, 

_“Oh.”_

* * *

In those first few moments of waking up, when the world was safe and nothing mattered, Rey reached for her blankets to wrap around her shivering form, and her grasp came up empty. She curled inward, rubbing her hands against the goosebumps on her arms, until the bright light of the room she was lying in finally began to burn through her eyelids and force her to pinch them tighter shut. When she could think again, the first thought that bubbled up into her mind was simple. _Turn off the light._

Then, with each passing moment, things that seemed out of place finally began to trouble her.

There was no one in her room who should have been able to turn on the light. Hux, perhaps? He wouldn’t have woken her up this way. Her blanket was gone, leaving her cold on whatever hard surface had replaced her bed.

Her bed was gone.

That was the final straw, and her body tensed to prepare herself as she opened her eyes. There was no one there to fight, but she was without question no longer in her quarters. If memory served her right, she was in the cargo hold of a small, old Mandalorian freighter. 

But they weren’t moving.

When she moved to stand up, she heard the shift of movement from the cockpit, and froze. Her mind reached out to whoever was preparing for take-off, and she felt nothing. It was a curious feeling, now that she knew exactly what she was looking for. It wasn’t as if she felt an empty cockpit, but neither could she feel _life_ within it. It felt like whatever was in there was sucking the very Force out from around it, like a tiny black hole.

It terrified her, and she stumbled back as far as she could from the cockpit until she was flat against the back wall of the cargo hold.

In her mind, she reached for the bond, desperate to follow it to it’s end. When she tried, it only led forward, sucked up into that black hole that waited for her in the cockpit. Instantly she pulled away, disgusted by the feel of it.

_Kylo._ She begged, throwing his name out in a desperate plea. She felt the force of the thought the moment it hit whatever wall was keeping her prisoner more effectively than the metal of this cargo hold ever could. He couldn’t hear her, now.

No one could.

_Not exactly true._

The sound of that voice made her stomach twist, and she bent forward, slapping her hand over her mouth to fight off the urge to vomit. It wasn’t just a voice, but a feeling that sunk its claws into her bones and tried to claim her, just by speaking.

She breathed hard through her nose, and tried to quell her stomach as the engines began to rumble underneath her. She snapped her head to one side and looked through a sliver of a viewport, not nearly enough to escape through even if she thought for one moment she could. She was still in one of the many hangars of the Finalizer, an exact duplicate of the one they’d landed in - but the difference was obvious immediately in the way the entire hangar was unnaturally empty, with not a single officer or Stormtrooper in sight.

She wondered how long the ship had been here, waiting.

_Long enough._

Behind her, the black void in the Force grew as something neared her. She could hear the shift of cloth as someone walked into the cargo hold with her, but she couldn’t turn to look. She wasn’t frozen; though she wouldn’t put the power to do so past whoever was behind her. She simply _couldn’t look._

So instead, she watched through the slit of viewport as the ship lurched off of the ground, twisted itself upright, and took off into space.

“If it’s any consolation,” The voice behind her drawled out, his every word held just a moment too long to feel comfortable. “You’ll see them again soon enough.”

“Why are you doing this?” She forced her voice to stop shaking long enough to spit out the words, but her breath caught again when the glass of the viewport reflected a hazy image of who - what? - was behind her. “What do you want with me?”

“Hmm.” The grumble of his voice sounded like it was coming through his throat instead of his mouth, with a thick, wet shudder. “Believe it or not, I simply wish to set things right.”

She did not believe it. She kept pressing on, with her back still turned to him. “You don’t really think they’ll give you the First Order back just to save me, do you?” There was no doubt in her mind who the man behind her was, at this point. She didn’t need to see him, to understand.

His chuckle set her teeth on edge.

“You still think it’s about them, don’t you.” Snoke whispered, coming close enough to make her whole body cringe at the proximity of his cold, withering body. “I did not go through all of this trouble for them, my child.”

But that made no sense. Kylo was the one he’d groomed from childhood. Kylo was the one whose life had been manipulated. All just to use him, for that stupid deadly artifact - 

And the First Order, an entire army dedicating to bring the galaxy under this one man’s heel, despite the mountains of his own men dying for the cause - 

She turned around in a slow whirl, finally ready to look up at the monster that was smiling down at her as he listened to her thoughts come together. Piece by piece, she was starting to see things differently, but her sense of disbelief remained too strong to allow any of it to make sense.

But she knew now that he’d seen everything. He’d seen it all, from the inevitable bond between her and Kylo, to the slow acceptance she’d come to form around a man who didn’t deserve to be forgiven - and even this, perhaps. Had he even seen Hux’s betrayal in whatever grand scale plans his visions had allowed him to form?

His smile twitched, and she’d never felt a surge of hope so painful as the one that jammed itself directly up into her heart in that moment. Because he hadn’t seen Hux coming. _He hadn’t._

She felt like she was losing her mind, because she could have kissed Hux in that moment, if he’d been there in front of her.

“No matter.” Snoke assured her, his slight smile returning. “That’s why I’ve come, after all. To set things right.”

He turned to slide away, but even his assurances couldn’t quell the vibrating hope that now lived deep in Rey’s bosom, practically bursting her with excitement. She knew there was no real reason to feel like Hux or Kylo could save her, in that moment - but where there was uncertainty, there was _hope_. And she couldn’t help herself.

She hoped.

“Enjoy it, while it lasts.” Snoke murmured out, his words coming slow and thick with amusement. “But I _will_ return you to your destiny, regardless.”

He disappeared back into the cockpit with the pilot, leaving Rey to slink down against the wall and breathe in short, ragged gasps of air.

He spoke of destiny, as if he could control it.

But if there was one thing she knew she could count on, it was that Hux would always find a way to be the one in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first of all I have to say thank you so much for your patience while I was away at the con! It was super fun but SO exhausting and it took me several days to get my head back in order before I could finally get to writing again. But now I have and I hope it doesn't disappoint, because it means so much to me that you guys are still reading and excited about this.
> 
> That being said, thank you so much to RACHEL, JACKIE, AND AQUA, who happened to be HUGE helpers in me getting this chapter out - Rachel kept me writing and Jackie and Aqua kept me from making a HUGE MISTAKE, TRUST ME GUYS I AM SO RELIEVED THAT I HAVE PEOPLE TO BOUNCE IDEAS OFF OF NOW JESUS CHRIST. @_@ 
> 
> I'm going to try my hardest to never make you guys wait a long time again, bear with me, the next few chapters are gonna be hard to write but I WON'T GIVE UP LALALALA HUX SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP SO I WON'T
> 
> I love you guys like, honestly, SO MUCH, it's so much fun to be a part of this community and get to share my muses with you as well as read all your wonderful work too. VIVA LA REYLUX.


	24. Chapter 24

If there was one sound virtually programmed into a Stormtrooper’s natural survival instinct, it was the sound of Kylo Ren having a temper tantrum. 

This was the reason that the halls were mysteriously clear as he stormed through them, heading straight for the control room. This was also the reason why the control room itself had far less personnel manning it in that moment than it had approximately three minutes ago, when a petty officer had come running in to deliver the warning, and any unnecessary personnel had taken that as their cue to leave. 

His screams echoed the halls, punctuated with periods of growling and silence that never lasted for very long before another scream tore through him. His lightsaber was lit from the moment he’d left the room, and behind him, Hux watched with growing frustration as he left a trail of fire on the walls, markers of his rage that would be difficult to have fixed later on.

When they finally arrived, the essential personnel that remained in their seats seemed to hunker down to avoid being noticed, which was pointless in the case of a Force user.

_“OUT.”_ Ren bellowed, roaring the comment so violently it all but spat out of him like some frothing beast. Most of the officers had the immediate response of rising from their stations and abandoning them quickly, but two security officers dared to flicker their tense, warning gazes at Admiral Hux while remaining seated in their positions. Leaving their post constituted a huge breach in safety protocol - if anyone broke their way onto the ship while they were gone, there would be no one there to notice.

Hux waved them off with a sharp, angry gesture, because someone already _had_ broken onto their ship, and their presence at their stations had done absolutely nothing to prevent it.

They stood from their stations and filed out, keeping their eyes on Ren as if they expected him to lunge at them while their backs were turned.

This was not an entirely unprovoked fear.

Once the control room had been emptied, Ren buried his lightsaber into the head of a panel, until it disappeared to the hilt and began to spark a liquid fire within. He pulled it out a moment later, and as he stared grimly at his destruction, the sparks of lightning that flew in jagged arcs from the melting control panel seemed to bring him some sort of sick, twisted moments of peace.

His lightsaber rose, aiming for another thick panel, and Hux’s hand snapped up to wrap around his wrist and hold it in the air.

“I _need_ that one.” The Admiral hissed out, his patience finally at its end when it came to allowing Ren to vent his frustrations on the machinery. “Stop this. You’ve gone far enough. Turn that thing off, and hand it to me this instant.”

Ren hadn’t fought the tight grip holding his arm up until Hux dared to ask him to hand over the lightsaber. That request had his dark, bloodshot eyes widening in shock, before he pulled his arm away and shoved Hux back against the panel he so desperately wanted to protect.

“Like hell am I giving you anything.” Ren seethed out through clenched teeth, even as his finger triggered the button on his lightsaber and switched it off in his hand. “Let alone this.”

But, at the very least, the request had been so unexpected that it had kicked Ren out of his blind rage, and brought him back to something resembling human for a moment. Hux would accept that as a minor victory, at best.

“Then put it away. I don’t care. But if you think to destroy another panel with another one of your tantrums, do me a favor and _go to your room_ for it. I am going to check the security footage to see where Rey’s gone, and I need to do that here, on _intact panels._ So for the sake of Rey, either you keep that thing in your pants where it belongs, or _get off my bridge._ ”

Just the sound of Rey’s name made Ren flinch as if he’d been struck. His head turned to the side, refusing to look at Hux while the pain rolled through him, forcing his breath to come in hard, shallow huffs. 

Hux moved past him and took a seat at the security station, calling up the footage of the private quarters hallway and inputting a command to rewind until there was movement. 

Three times, the footage stopped for movement. The first two were other officers walking harmlessly down the hall. It was the third one that gave them a clear indication of where Rey had gone.

“How?” It was hard to get the word out, and Hux realized his voice was tightening the longer he watched the footage, but the word was repeating in his head like a chant that only got louder as he watched the unbelievable sight of Snoke strolling out of Rey’s room with her beside him. She just followed him of her own volition, without restraint, as if she knew what she was doing. 

Snoke paused, just before the feed would have lost the sight of them, and Hux felt his heart clench and stop. Behind him, Ren was growling impatiently to rewind further, to find the moment Snoke had entered her room in the first place, but Hux was transfixed on their paused forms, still and unmoving as though the feed itself had frozen.

Then, Ren went silent, and Hux knew he was sharing that same nauseous hesitance, even as Ren leaned in behind him and narrowed his glare at the two wavering grey forms.

Snoke’s head turned, just as Hux had expected it would, and that familiar scarred face tilted up to look directly into the camera. It was a moment from the past, a moment where Hux and Ren had been oblivious to the breach, but the Supreme Leader had known that their eyes would find their way to the recording, and to him.

He knew, just as he knew everything.

His face was so distorted by distance and the electric lines of security footage, but Hux thought he could see right into that man’s eyes, and watch the very moment his lips turned up in a smile. 

Rey did not move, until Snoke lurched back into his stride, and she followed seamlessly.

Then they were gone, and Hux sucked in the first breath he’d managed in minutes. It burned all the way down to his lungs, but his entire body felt like it was on fire at that point, and he couldn’t quite tell the difference.

He felt a strange, sickening comfort in the sound of Ren mirroring his pained breaths, and the feel of his chest rising and falling against Hux’s back. There was no reason to allow himself the comfort of another person panicking against him, but he clung to it with a sense of desperation that made his eyes flutter shut.

If the world was crumbling around them, as it all too often did, at least this time he wouldn’t have to deal with it alone.

“Follow them.” Ren’s voice cracked, turning high pitched with anguish. Hux’s hands responded before he could even think, switching the security feeds to the next hallway, and the next. They watched from the lift monitor as Rey, dead-eyed and unresponsive, stood like a statue next to the man who controlled her. Even worse, they could see that the two were walking halls that shouldn’t have been empty at that time of day. There was nothing, not one thing, that hadn’t been under Snoke’s control that morning.

Except them, perhaps; though when he thought about how effortlessly distracted he’d been, Hux wasn’t entirely sure that was true, either.

The entire hangar they stepped into was empty - which was _utterly absurd._ Hux was already opening up databanks to check what officers were supposed to be on duty in that specific hangar, while Ren continued to stare, unblinking, at the view of the ship Snoke and Rey entered. He was memorizing every single detail of that ship, down to as many nicks and scratches as the security footage gave him the chance to see.

The footage was sped through due to lack of movement. The ship just sat there for almost an hour. They’d been there for _almost an hour_ , right under their noses the entire time.

There was something unnerving boiling within Hux, and Ren could feel the painful heat of it as it rolled and grew with passing time, but externally there was no expression of what tore at him from the inside. He was laser focused on finding out who’d been compromised to allow this mistake to happen, and his fingers were flying against the console as he brought up list after list.

“Hux.” Ren whispered, his stomach clenching painfully from whatever dark pit was growing within the Admiral.

“Hux.” He repeated, when the first request for attention was completely ignored, just as the second would be. If anything, he felt the tension burying deeper inside, until he was clenching his own stomach at the feel of it.

There, in Hux’s eyes, he could see something sparking to life. Something dangerous, and cold, and merciless. Something that Ren was surprised to realize he actually feared.

_”HUX.”_ Ren screamed, desperate to make the pain burning in the pit of his stomach stop. 

Hux’s fists slammed into the console, hard enough to cause sparks of his own, and the image in front of him flickered dangerously before returning. He finally swiveled his head to lay that cold gaze on Ren, bearing it down until Ren felt like he was being torn apart from the inside.

“You.” Hux seethed out, with a hatred Ren had not often heard come from that once cool, collected voice. “You said he’d left. You said he’d turned tail and run. You were _sure_ of it.”

The pit of heat burning through his stomach was his own, now. “I was. I _am._ He must have come back in cloaked after-”

“ _No_ , Ren. Our records indicate Snoke landed his ship during the assembly, when there was nothing but a droid left in charge. When I summoned an entire ship to listen to me give a _damn speech_ about bringing that man to heel, he was already on this ship, waiting to take her. And _you_ assured me he’d never arrived. Explain yourself.”

Hux’s eyes had never held this level of absolute, chilling hatred when they looked at Ren before. He could understand why; from all angles, Ren suddenly looked like a traitor. It dug a searing pain straight into him, like a knife had been slipped between his ribs and Hux was holding the handle. 

He felt overwhelmingly betrayed, but it was a pale shadow of the kind of betrayal he could feel echoing at him from the Admiral, who saw nothing but a former loyal apprentice of his enemy, in front of him now.

Not the man he’d kissed in the heat of glory.

Not the man who’d offered to take on the galaxy just to protect him.

Not the man who’d mistakenly ached for something he never should have allowed himself to want.

And the worst part of it all was - if the records were right, then it _was_ his fault Rey had been taken. He’d missed something, somewhere down the line. 

“Snoke’s command shuttle was never on this ship.” Ren began his explanation with that, despite how off-putting as it felt to try and prove his innocence at all. “That ship,” He sneered out, jabbing the screen with one finger, “- is not the ship I felt hurtling towards us. I know his pilot like the back of my hand - and that man was on the command shuttle, when it traveled up here - and most _definitely turned back._ ”

Hux looked unconvinced. Ren couldn’t say he was surprised.

“You felt the pilot.” Hux’s voice was clipped tight, holding back everything that Ren could already feel boiling over inside. “But what about _Snoke._ ”

A single second of hesitation passed, where Ren’s eyes flickered away and told Hux everything he needed - and in that second, Hux’s anger finally released, twisting his face with ugly, distorted rage.

“You don’t - _feel_ \- Snoke.” Ren tried to explain, staring down at his open, gloved hands. “Not unless he wants you to. It’s hard to explain.”

_”Try me.”_ Hux seethed out through closed teeth.

“He’s like an absence.” Ren huffed out, exasperated before he’d even begun. “Despite being skilled in the Force, if I could explain it all away by saying he _doesn’t exist_ in it, I would. But it’s more complicated than that - and it was such a - “

His breath caught. In his flustered attempts to explain what Snoke’s presence felt like, to Hux, he’d inadvertently shared more than he’d meant to. This was the worst possible time for him to say anything even remotely positive about the Supreme Leader, but he’d caught himself a moment too late, and Hux was far too clever to miss the meaning behind his quiet words.

The Admiral finished his sentence for him after a long, thoughtful pause - it was all it took for him to understand.

“A relief.”

Ren winced, his expression furrowing with thick lines that cast his features back into the darkness.

“It must have meant the world, to have a mentor whose emotions did not torment you.” Hux continued, his voice no less angry, but his expression smoothed out into exhaustion. He pressed his hands to the sides of his head, and rested his elbows against the console for a moment. The last thing he wanted to feel was sympathy for Ren. Not now. Perhaps not ever.

No. Just. Just not now.

“So you felt his pilot, and assumed he was on board that ship.” Hux finished it all, letting his hands slide down his face so he could sigh into them. As if it was waiting for the cue, the ship on the monitor Ren had been watching finally revved up its engines, and began to take off. Both men felt a sudden urge skittering through their veins, to run for the hangar and try to stop that phantom ship from leaving. Neither gave in to that pointless, useless urge.

She was long gone by now.

It should have been too difficult to see the flicker of eyes peering out from a thin viewport as the ship turned right side up and prepared to take off, but Ren wouldn’t have been able to miss the sight of her if she’d been miles away. He pressed his hand against the monitor, running his thumb along the shaking sliver of viewport, where she looked out as if she could see them.

But unlike Snoke, Ren knew that was just a heart-wrenching coincidence.

The ship exited the hangar, and soundlessly entered hyperspace moments later. Within a tick, Stormtroopers began to return to the hangar, marching through as though nothing out of the ordinary had been keeping them at bay until now.

It had been a flawless execution. He’d expect nothing less from the Supreme Leader.

“But why?” Hux’s voice shattered, leaking emotions he’d never allowed himself to express before. “Why take her? Is he going to hold her hostage until I relinquish the First Order to him?”

If Ren didn’t know any better, he’d assume that was hope in Hux’s voice when he offered the option. He wondered, not for the first time, if Hux would have been prepared to give up on his grandiose plans just to protect the girl.

It didn’t matter. That wasn’t why this was happening.

“He wants to turn her, and we stole that chance from him.” Ren admitted in a sigh. “She was supposed to be one of us. His right hand.”

“I thought _you_ were supposed to be his right hand.” Was that alarm he heard in Hux’s voice? Ren finally felt strong enough to look the Admiral dead in the eye, and caught no sign of the cold callousness from earlier. There was genuine worry there, coupled with a healthy dose of shock. “Didn’t you say you’d seen yourself with her? How exactly does that factor into this equation?”

“I was not supposed to be an apprentice any longer. Remember? My training should have been - “

But then he realized what his _completed training_ had actually been, and understanding finally clicked into place. All he’d ever seen in his visions was Rey; her fighting spirit, her gentle eyes, and her kneeling in front of Snoke. Joining them. Joining _Snoke_.

Where had he been, in those visions?

“ - complete.” Ren finished, his voice having lowered to a heavy, angered growl.

“Honestly, the more I learn about this man, the more I’m reminded of the wasteful nature of the Empire.” Hux stood as he spoke, and the fire was still evident in his voice, but at least now Ren thought he could catch a hint of that old, dry wit tempering him. “If it’s not blowing up planets before they’ve got what they need, it’s destroying perfectly good Force sensitives just because something betters come along. What’s the sense in it? What’s the sense in any of it?”

He was walking past Ren when a gloved hand slid out, wrapping around Hux’s arm and pulling him back. Ren held Hux at his side, and though Hux struggled to pull his arm away, Ren’s grip remained firm and solid to keep him from leaving.

“We don’t have time for this.” Hux reminded him, his arm jerking one last time before finally succumbing to the pull that made him turn back to the man holding him hostage, and facing him with exasperation. What he found when Ren looked up at him tore at the shreds of what was left inside of him, until Hux felt something that he could have almost considered guilt.

Ren blamed himself. For all of this. And rightly so, Hux thought, trying to dissuade the ache of empathy from forcing its way past the cage of his ribs. He had to believe this was all Ren’s fault, no matter how much he wanted to assure the man otherwise.

Because who else would he have left to blame, except for himself? Him, and his damn ego, confident that she would be safe in that room while he flounced off to go claim power.

Ren’s eyes begged him for a forgiveness he didn’t have room to offer, and he struggled to fight the urge to give in, to crawl down into Ren’s lap and wrap his arms around the man while whispering promises of forgiveness and comfort. 

Those damn soulful eyes asked for so much of him. He knew he would always manage to disappoint them.

“Shhh.” Hux whispered out, curling his fingers along the length of Ren’s jaw until he could brush all of that unruly hair behind those ridiculous ears of his. “We will get her back.”

“We need to find out where she _is_ , first.” Ren’s scratchy voice huffed up against Hux’s hand, pressing back against it as it ran down against his cheek. “There’s no way of tracking that ship, is there?”

Hux fell silent, his eyes drifting away from the curve of Ren’s lips to stare distantly at nothing. His attention focused slowly on all the paths, every option available to him concerning the whereabouts of that ship and Rey herself. He silently cursed himself for not placing a tracker on her First Order clothing the way he had with the clothes she’d worn on that base. There was no time, never any time to do everything. He’d already begun to feel things slipping through his fingers even as he tightened them for better control. But now, Rey was one of those things, and his fists unclenched at his sides in some vain hope that he could figure out a way to catch her before it was too late.

“How does he plan to turn her?” Hux asked, disgusted with himself for having waited this long to ask. Perhaps he simply didn’t want to think about it. Perhaps the question had already been answered, when he looked into the hollow, pained eyes of Snoke’s last apprentice.

In the ticks of silence that followed, Hux flinched as he watched that answer unfold in every nuanced change of Ren’s expression. His full lips shivered, refusing to speak words that were there on his tongue. His eyes fell away and searched for something, anything else but Hux to look at. His brow twitched, furrowing in tiny increments each time a thought passed through his mind. There were answers in everything the man did, and Hux was learning the language as he interpreted every move.

“So it’s to be torture, then.” Hux breathed out, his nose twitching with checked rage when Ren winced at the word. “Physical? Mental?” He thought he was giving options - but Ren simply nodded, because the answer was both.

“Pain - it works. All right?” Was that really defensiveness in Ren’s tone? Hux’s hand shied away from his cheek, but he tried to rein in the sudden urge to slap across Ren’s face. “Agony brings us closer to the Dark Side. It’s like, meditation - like a type of focus. You can’t imagine the unlimited power - the freedom - it’s exhilarating. Addicting.”

Ren’s neck rolled, and Hux took a step back, observing the change in demeanor that took the man over. He wasn’t addled with guilt when he thought about his own training. He was flush, and distracted. Ren might no longer be under Snoke’s thumb, but Hux could see that there was no force in the world that would break the man of his addiction to the power of the Dark Side. This was who he was, and who he would always be. Hux worried briefly over how easily manipulated a man with an addiction could be, if he did not remain fully satisfied.

“Do you really think Rey will share your appreciation when the time comes?” Hux reminded him, watching the flush die as Ren’s veins ran ice cold and he was brought back to the present. He shook his head. Both of them knew Rey would not embrace the call of the Dark side the way Ren once had.

“And where did the majority of this experience take place, for you?” Hux managed not to seethe it out, despite the sudden, irresponsible swell of jealousy that writhed and wriggled through his veins at the thought.

“We were just there.” Ren reminded him with a shake of his head. “He wouldn’t be that obvious. It’s the first place we would look.”

Hux was in motion before Ren had realized he’d left. He was already on another console, inputting some unseen command with the skillful fly of his fingers, and then he was storming out of the control room itself, regardless of whether Ren was following or not. After a moment of disbelieving stillness, Ren finally lurched out to follow him, pacing out a jog in order to catch up.

“You don’t really think - “

“I do, and what’s more, I think he knows that we’ll come looking for her. Rather, I think that’s the point. Let it be known that we’re about to walk into a trap, and I’m extremely unhappy about it.”

Ren’s hand was on his shoulder, slowing him enough to whirl him around and hold him still. Hux tried to fight him off from the moment he had him locked down, but Ren’s eyes pinned him harder than any hold could, and he stilled in the man’s clutched embrace.

“Then _why_ are you doing it?” Ren asked, his throaty pitch lowered with a sudden desperation for the truth. “You know your importance here and now. Why are you about to risk your life to save the girl?”

Hux remembered a moment, not so long ago, when Ren had tried to pin him down and catch him in his own web of lies and distance. He’d threatened the then General with words like love, and emotion, and attachments. All he’d received in return was a vicious reminder that the General did not deal in matters of the heart the way others might, nor would he ever.

Now, Ren had him in his arms again, trying to throttle answers out of the man, and Hux had never felt so close to helplessness as he did in that one single moment.

It was revolting.

“We need to get her back.” Hux answered, attempting (and failing) to remain flippant.

“ _Why_?” The relentless press of Ren’s question was a physical weight, tugging him down with exhaustion.

“We need her.” He assumed that Ren wouldn’t understand the scope of his answer, but there was a voice in the back of his mind; a treacherous voice that sounded just as throaty and alluring as Ren’s - that told him he was the one who didn’t understand.

“Are you in love with her?” The question had Hux’s eyes predictably rolling, desperate to get moving again. It always came down to that, with this man. It was always about some misguided notion called love. He wondered if Ren even knew what love was.

He certainly didn’t.

“No.” Hux spat out, finally shrugging his shoulders free. “Are _you_?”

He couldn’t have imagined the impact that throwing the question back in Ren’s face would cause, but when he’d done so, he caught sight of the slight step backward and the shock flustering Ren’s face. Hux couldn’t believe the absurdity of it all - he’d spent so much time wondering if Hux was falling in love, that he hadn’t dared to try and decipher whether it was he, this paragon of power, that was succumbing so sweetly to an emotion of his very own.

“No.” Ren took his time answering, but that did not change the fact that he felt sure about it. “No. But - “

Hux reached out his fingers and pressed three of them against Ren’s lips, hushing him.

“I know.” He promised Ren. He understood - more than he wished to admit. “She’s important. More important than any of that, honestly. So let’s stop dawdling and talking about all this frivolous _love_ nonsense, and go fetch our Rey back.”

There was something cemented in his choice of words, something that transcended whatever crippling emotions Ren had always attempted to understand. It was something he was much more comfortable with, and he accepted it without question if it meant he could ignore the tangle of emotion just a little bit longer.

A sense of belonging had far greater reach than love ever could. Yet, it was so much easier to let that feeling settle on him and click solidly into place. 

Hux was headed for the hangar, thankfully choosing a much smaller, quicker vessel than his command shuttle had been. This time, when he turned to walk away, Ren did not hesitate to follow.

But he did, upon second thought, suggest Hux arm himself a little better before they hurtled headfirst to spring this obvious trap.

* * *

It’s colder than she remembered it, and she can’t quite place why that disturbs her more than anything else, but it does.

The emptiness of the hallways had an echo that rung like alarm bells in her ears, and she would have appreciated the sound of anything else to break that painful silence. Even the sound of that _things_ voice; the one that had dropped her off inside the base and left her here, freezing and alone. She was locked in, but every room other than the exits had unlocked doors waiting to be opened.

She was meant to explore; she’d realized that early on. She was meant to find something important. 

Her first instincts took her back to her room, where everything she’d left behind still waited. Her old clothing was hanging in the closet, freshly laundered and never used again. She pulled it down off of the hanging, folded it carefully, and carried it under her arm. Everything else felt unnecessary, and she passed her hands along what little belongings she’d acquired during her stay until they stopped on the round, fogged up dome that still housed her little plant cutting.

It had taken root in the wet soil and flourished, until its green petals were so numerous that they pressed against the foggy glass as if they were trying to push their way out. At the very top, the head of a purple blossom was craning its neck after having reached as high as it could go. She checked the seals of the small dome, to make sure it was secure, before taking that with her, too.

Hux’s room was next, but there was nothing in it she hadn’t seen before; and just being inside of it without his permission sent chills up her spine that forced her to leave without much more than a cursory look. Kylo’s room had been the same - though his room was so sparse and boring that she hadn’t even bothered looking for anything important while inside.

She checked each and every room, hoping to find some sign of life, and dreading to find whatever it was that she’d been left here to discover.

When she arrived at the medical ward, she saw offline droids hanging from resting docks, waiting to be turned on and utilized. Her presence must have triggered some kind of motion sensor, because the lead droid shuddered and buzzed as it booted itself up, lifting its flat head with a distinctly metal screech and turning it towards her. She’d thought she would have accepted any kind of sound over the silence, until she’d heard that keen, and the voice that followed.

“Can I be of some assistance?”

No, it could not.

She left the room and the disturbing whirr of the droid, heading for the rooms that held the bacta tanks instead. When she neared them, she slowed to stop herself from getting close enough to the roll of chilling fog that was leaking unnaturally from the doorway. Still, even though it didn’t touch her, she could feel the frigid air that was causing it as it filtered under the door.

It became obvious that this was what she’d been meant to find. This was the reason the entire facility had felt too chilly for her when she’d first walked in. This was what she was looking for.

The coldest door.

The door hissed open when she walked in front of it, blasting her with a cold wind. Her boots crunched down on a soft, thin layer of snow with each step into the room that was no longer a room.

She didn’t need to go very far to see what she’d been meant to. She was witnessing herself, laying on top of Finn’s unmoving body, crying as she waited for the world around her to implode and destroy them both. She remembered that moment with perfect clarity; she didn’t need to be reminded of it.

But someone disagreed.

Behind her, a shiny pair of black boots left strong imprints in the snow as someone neared her, and stopped to consider her for a while.

She’d never once realized he was there. He was so quiet, so still. He could have blended into the scenery, if that tiny blaze of red had not lit up against his lips, like a warning beacon signalling that he’d made a decision.

His pistol rose up smoothly, barely disturbing the greatcoat around his shoulders, to point directly at the back of her head.

Hux fired, forcing her to slump against her companion and stunning her into oblivion.

The shot itself seemed to suck the light from everything around her. Even the ground turned black, just long enough to return her to the proper room she should have walked in on from that door. The snow was gone, replaced by white tile and shine, as she stood in the room with the bacta tanks.

She was alone. And then, with a tangible shudder of the Force around her, she suddenly wasn’t.

There was Finn, just as she had once seen him, floating in the bacta tank.

There were two officers flanking General Hux, whose gaze was firmly locked on the man floating in the tank, and whose face was pinched with a cold revulsion that Rey was not familiar with.

“It’s a waste of resources.” Hux’s voice sounded so different that it jolted her, setting her heart racing until it hurt. “That’s what it is.”

The officer beside him nodded gently, and continued to bury his head in the charts he’d been reading. The second officer shrugged noncommittally, and reminded General Hux that these were, “Supreme Leader’s orders, sir.”

Hux snapped at the man, chasing him backwards until he hit a console with his behind, but Rey was no longer listening to the sharp reprimands that were being spouted by the General. She was staring up at Finn, floating helpless and unconscious in that bacta tank, and she understood.

If it had been up to Hux, he’d be dead.

Everything around her that was not real slowly began to fade, leaving the empty room in its place. Finn, the liquid, the other officers and technicians all disappeared, but Rey was still left with the sight of an empty, used bacta tank - and a careful awareness of what the ploy behind that scene was.

Snoke wanted to remind her of the true nature behind Admiral Hux, without realizing that the attempt was pointless. She needed no reminder of who, and what, Hux really was. Behind those tender touches and helpful favors, she had never quite forgotten what he’d done, nor did she think she had ever let him forget it. She reminded herself of the truth every time his hand against the small of her back made her stomach twist. She reminded herself of it every time she thought she saw something more than who he’d been, in who he was. She needed no reminders of the kind of man Hux had spent his life becoming. She only cared about the kind of man he would become now, if she cared at all.

Snoke would have to try better than this. And he would. She was sure of it. But for now, she let herself have this one, small victory.

She thought, perhaps, Hux’s cleverness was starting to rub off on her. She knew she should feel angry. Hurt. Betrayed. Instead, she was already working out the mechanics behind this first attempt at manipulation, and what Snoke was hoping for by doing it.

Her lips twitched in a tiny smile, before she wiped it away.

She half-expected Snoke to be behind her, when she turned to walk out of the room. Instead, the silence had returned, and she was forced to keep looking for whatever remained. Despite how ineffective the visions had been in riling up her anger, she knew her newfound rational nature could only last her so long. 

This was Snoke’s first attempt at torture, and Rey knew without hesitation that it would not be his last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler: One vision is true and one is a lie. (Just wanted to clear that up in case there are some clever people out there who will have noticed a discrepency.)
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, I hope you enjoy the chapter! I mean, as much as a situation like this can be enjoyed. I wanna thank my girls [AquaWolfGirl](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaWolfGirl/pseuds/AquaWolfGirl) and [UndergroundValentine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/UndergroundValentine/pseuds/UndergroundValentine)for helping me with this one, they are truly blessings and I'm really enjoying having a support system helping me every day as I write, bouncing ideas off one another, and just generally being brilliant. GO check out both their AO3 accounts, you will NOT be disappointed!
> 
> NOW I HAVE GOODIES TO SHARE!! I have been so blessed this week and I do NOT deserve this love, but FUCK IF I WON'T SING PRAISES FROM THE ROOFTOPS ABOUT IT! [Aicosu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Aicosu/pseuds/Aicosu), the two most adorable people who exist, managed to do a reading of two scenes of Breaking Point, LIKE FOR REAL THOUGH THEY READ IT OUT LOUD, AS HUX AND REY. SYLAR'S HUX IS LITERALLY WHAT I HEAR IN MY HEAD WHEN I WRITE. So [CHECK THIS OUT!!!!](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/145699837168/i-have-maybe-never-been-so-honored-in-my-life-as-i) I promise you will NOT be disappointed!
> 
> NEXT, Sheila from Aicosu ALSO made me my VERY FIRST AESTHETIC. HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE? Check out this GORGEOUS [Breaking Point Aesthetic](http://ladysaint.tumblr.com/post/145741116135/breaking-point-by-alania-fanfiction-aesthetics), she has scenes from so many chapters, it's the most beautiful thing. I cried when I saw it. But I also cried when they read BP out loud. I cry a lot.
> 
> I'm a crybaby.
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR STICKING AROUND AND READING/COMMENTING!!! More to come soon! I LOVE YOU!


	25. Chapter 25

At least an hour of breaking into the control panels and rewiring every single connection in the hopes of opening the blast doors had left Rey with the very disheartening conclusion that whatever had her locked in the medical base did not actually involve any sort of mechanical function. In fact, it was very likely some kind of Force related issue, but when she reached out to try and find the edges of whatever was holding those locks in place, she found a similar emptiness to the discomforting feeling of being around Snoke, and decided she didn’t really want to explore that option, anymore.

There was a substantial amount of the base that she’d yet to have ever seen, despite her time there before they’d abandoned it. This was as good a chance as any to get to know the place, since she had nothing left to do but wander the halls and wait for some kind of end. The hallway to her left turned a quick corner around to the hangar, where she’d watched Finn escape with both Kylo Ren and Hux by her side in some sort of strange, other-worldly supportiveness.

That particular memory felt more like a dream than anything that she’d seen here on the base. She tried to remember exactly how she’d found herself in that position; comfortable against General Hux’s arm, leaning into the warmth of an awkwardly looming Kylo, and just - existing, the three of them. 

It was impossible to forget the truth the world had in store for them - but there were moments, such as that one, where it was easy to let that truth remain numb in their thoughts, and simply exist. Those were the moments she couldn’t quite remember now. They slipped through her fingers when she tried to grasp on to them, plagued by someone else’s efforts to assure her none of that was real.

She turned right, away from the hangar, and explored a section of the base meant for military personnel only. This was territory she’d never seen. She should have expected the daunting sight of the stores of weaponry waiting in pristine lines on racks that seemed to go on forever - but expectation did not soften the blow.

This was a _medical_ base, wasn’t it? She looked into the room and saw an arsenal fit to arm men to the teeth, enough for an entire army.

But this was only an insignificant portion of a greater machine. She’d once held out a fierce hope that the Resistance had a chance to win freedom for the galaxy.

That, she figured, was a hope she was reluctantly preparing to give up on.

She made it through the first ten racks of Stormtrooper weapons, before deciding there was no point in her presence here. She turned to leave the room, casually snagging one of the rifles on her fingers as her hands brushed against the racks on her way out.

It couldn’t hurt.

Before the door to the arsenal could hiss open, the ground underneath her feet began to shudder. It wasn’t loud enough to be an explosion, or violent enough to be a ground tremor. If she had to guess, someone was landing in the hangar nearby, and she could feel it from here.

She carefully put down her clothing and the plant, then lifted the Stormtrooper rifle, switched off the safety, and heard the weapon prime itself for discharge. It was aimed directly at the door in front of her, and she felt a keen sense of victory when she realized she wasn’t shaking, and her grip was steady.

If it was Snoke, she was willing to give killing him a shot.

She heard loud thumps against the metal grating of the hallway, as someone ran down it. They were coming closer, storming towards her door with a pace that signalled some sort of desperation. Definitely not Snoke, then - but that did not rule out danger. She hefted the rifle higher, aimed where she thought a typical man’s head might be, and waited.

Only when the footsteps slowed, did her hand finally begin to shake.

She almost pressed the discharge trigger when the door hissed open, startled by the sudden sight of the most unexpected face she could have imagined in front of her. Her eyes rounded wide and her jaw dropped in shock.

_”FINN?!”_ She screamed, lowering the rifle the moment she realized who he was. How could he be here? How had he even gotten inside? And what was he _thinking_? After all she’d gone through to get him out, to get him safe - 

It took her a few seconds to realize that there was more to worry about than his presence on the base, when he stumbled in and practically fell against her. The rifle fell out of her hands in order to catch him, and the door closed behind him as she fell to her knees from the weight of his body in her arms.

“Rey.” He whined out, trying to push himself up and failing to do more than get on his own knees. “What happened?”

His words made no sense to her. She pulled Poe’s jacket off of his shoulders to check for wounds, but it didn’t take long to see that there was only one. It was on his side, and it didn’t look like it was bleeding, but she’d recognize the burn of it anywhere. He’d been skewered by a lightsaber; not fatal, but still enough to cripple him.

“Who did this to you?” Rey begged of him, gently turning him in order to lay him down on the ground. “Was it Snoke? Hold on. I can get you something - “ She was suddenly so thankful to be in a medical base, but he wouldn’t let go of her arm when she tried to rise up and head to get supplies. His grip was terrifyingly strong, bruising her skin underneath his insistent fingertips. He wasn’t letting her go anywhere.

“What _happened_?” He repeated, glaring up at her with wild eyes. She dropped back down to her knees and stared at him, shaking her head in confusion.

“With what?”

Finn swallowed, and tried to explain. “You said - you were here to keep them in line. You were gonna stop them, Rey. What the hell happened? How’d they know - you said they weren’t gonna track that ship - “

His words were stuttering from the pain of his wound, but she was starting to get the drift of what he was trying to explain. Immediately, her mind raced with every possibility that could refute the idea of being betrayed. She didn’t know the details, she needed more information. Finn was delirious from pain, he might not be thinking clearly. 

Only, she felt something in the pit of her stomach remind her of what the most probable answer truly was.

“Finn, who did this to you?” She asked again, her voice quieter this time. He stared up at her with narrowed eyes, and an expression of betrayal that looked so unfamiliar on his face it began to distort his features.

“You know _damn well_ who did it. They got the whole base, Rey. General Organa, Poe, you name it, all gone. I told you, didn’t I? Nobody knew the First Order like I did. Nobody understands just how ruthless they can be.”

His hand slammed down on the ground and his eyes closed in defeat.

“Not that it matters, now. There’s nobody left to fight them anymore. That’s it. The First Order’s won. _He_ won.”

“Finn.” She was shaking in earnest now. Her hands clung to his collar, trying to get him to open his eyes again. “Who was it?”

His eyes did open, but they looked at her like she was crazy. His hand, which had instinctively pressed against his side wound, lifted to expose it and wave a sharp gesture at it. He assumed there was no one else she knew that could have done something like that.

But there was. And even if there hadn’t been, she needed to hear the name to accept it.

Finn did not give her that closure, but he came close enough.

“He killed his own dad, Rey. You really surprised he killed his own mother, too?”

Her body curved inward, as if she’d been physically punched in the gut. Her hands fell away from him and lifted to cover her face, burning with regret. This wasn’t about what Kylo Ren had done, anymore. Could she even be surprised? Finn was right. He’d always been right, but here and now she knew his words meant more than he was willing to say out loud. 

Kylo Ren had always been a killer. But she was the one who’d trusted him, this time. Her reward was the end of the Resistance, and that meant every single death caused from the day she’d said yes to those two men were on her shoulders, from then on.

She’d trusted them.

And somewhere, deep down, where she was betraying even herself - she felt like she still trusted them.

Her thoughts veered suddenly, reminding her of everything Kylo Ren had done to try and convince her that he _could_ be trusted. He had to have always known how impossible that task was, but he’d tried. He’d tried, and sometimes she could have convinced herself that he’d succeeded, but then his temper forced her to pull the leash back, and it felt like starting from square one again.

He’d tried. Even after Finn was gone - leading them to the Resistance and leaving no further need for her, Kylo tried. His arms had extended in an offering, there on his bed. He had nothing to gain from comforting her. Nothing more for her to tell him in the quiet of his bedroom, curled against his arm. He’d gotten nothing out of her.

Except, maybe, a friend.

She still felt his fingers pulling the hairband out of her hair, and whispering a reassurance that she’d already made a difference. Tears pricked her eyes, desperate to hold on to that memory, and the pride his words had filled her with. That was why she couldn’t let this go so easily. That was why everything that made sense - everything that _should_ have been obvious, wasn’t.

And that was why she started to notice the holes in Finn’s story.

Finn was trying to get up of his own volition, even as she continued to kneel on the ground with her head in her hands. She pulled them away to look up at him, and felt the betrayal in his eyes worse than any guilt over his injury. He hadn’t said a word after she’d crumbled, but he didn’t have to. His expression said enough.

He was blaming her for everything. Finn. He was her best friend, but he’d watched his life burning at the end of Kylo Ren’s blade, until all he had left was her now, and he was looking at her like he’d wished she’d been there to die, too.

That felt excruciatingly _wrong._

“Finn?” She leaned back on her haunches and looked up at him. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, but she made no move to wipe them away. She just looked at him, her eyes squinting hard as if there was some way to be sure she was seeing what was actually there in front of her, instead of another mind trick.

“I gotta get to the med bay. You said there was bacta?”

She ignored his sudden change in demeanor. “How did you get away?” She asked, her eyes flickering from the wound to his face, over and over. Kylo Ren had inflicted that wound. And yet here Finn was, alive and moving, having escaped a complete massacre.

Instead of staying to keep his friends alive.

“Poe told me to take his X-Wing, right before - why’re you even asking about something like that? Come on, Rey, I need-”

“You can’t fly an X-Wing.” She reminded him, calm enough to sound like she wasn’t trying to accuse him of anything. Despite the tone, he reached down and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her up to her feet. There was a desperation in his movements that indicated something was wrong.

“I figured it out, okay? Maybe I used the Force.” He breathed out a sharp huff of exasperation and rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t like I was good at it. I just needed an out and I took it. Are you saying I should have stayed and died with everyone else? Is that it? You want me to get back in that ship and wait for him to finish me off? Is that it?” He shook her, his face a little too close to hers for comfort. “Is that what you want, Rey? That why you sent me back in the first place?”

“Let go of me.” She warned, struggling to get her arm out of his hold. He had no intentions of letting go, and after ignoring her demand for several seconds she used her free arm to slam the thick of her palm directly up into his nose, all but breaking it with the force of her hit. He screamed, finally letting her go as he covered the gushing appendage with one hand.

“OW. _WHAT_?” His high pitched yelp was muffled by the blood running down his throat, but he still glared at her despite covering the nose to try and stifle the bleeding. “ARE YOU CRAZY? Rey, you HIT me!”

“How did you get away, Finn?”

“I’m bleeding, do you see this? I think you broke my nose-”

She hadn’t, and she knew because she knew exactly how hard she should have hit him to do it. Still, he wouldn’t get near her now, and that was for the best.

“How. Did you get. Away.”

“I RAN.” He screamed back at her, his words spitting with anger and blood. “OKAY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I RAN. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?”

It wasn’t. The doubt in her eyes remained, and he threw his free hand up in the air, bellowing out a groan of frustration.

“Why is this so hard for you to believe? After what I did to get away from the First Order, you think I wouldn’t run when they come back for me? I’m sorry if this _disappoints_ you, Rey, but I’m not ready to die just yet.”

She shook her head, and took another step back. If there had been terror in her eyes for what she’d been looking at before, it was gone now. The only emotion that lived in her expression, as she stared at her best friend and the blood running down his arm from his face, was a lonely, crushing sadness.

“It’s not you I don’t believe, Finn.” She whispered, picking up the weapon she’d discarded on the floor and sliding it back into her hands. “But whoever is doing this to me must be hoping I’ve already convinced myself against the one thing that makes none of this possible.”

She primed the weapon, and it slowly rose up to point at Finn’s head.

“Kylo Ren wouldn’t have left survivors.”

She didn’t need to fire. When she admitted the truth, Finn’s nose stopped bleeding, and the hand he’d been holding up to try and stop her from shooting fell to his side. His face, a terrible mix of dark skin and bright red blood, seemed to relax before his lips broke into a toothy smile.

“So much cleverness. I can see why the General liked you. You are - surprising.”

She kept the rifle trained firmly on his head. “And why’s that? Were you hoping for someone a little more malleable to torture? Then I’m happy to be a _disappointment._ ”

Finn’s eyes widened, and he shook his head slowly. “Oh, no. Not at all, child. You’re..” His words had long, pregnant pauses, filled with a heaviness she felt on her shoulders like an unwanted blanket. “ - Quite the opposite. I want _everything_ for you.. but only when you _deserve_ it. So far, you’ve exceeded my expectations. Consider this - your first test - _successfully passed_.”

She could hear footsteps coming from the hallway past the doorway again. This time they were staccato, and there was more than one set; she wondered if she was just being tested again. She ignored it.

“Whatever you’re doing, it’s not going to work.” She informed him, the rifle raising an inch as if threatening to finally end this. Finn didn’t look like being shot would change anything, but he raised his hands nonetheless.

“It already has.” He promised her, his voice thickening into something that sounded much more like the man who’d brought her here.

The pounding footsteps were almost at the door.

“It already has.”

The door did not open. Instead, it whined with a painful screech, and then curled into itself in jagged lines and angles until it was crushed right off of its hinges and launched back out of the way. She was holding her rifle up to the chest level of both men, but if anything was going to betray her intentions most in that moment it would be the overwhelming relief that flooded her face at the sight of them.

She would worry about the implications of her reaction later. Later, when she wasn’t being plagued by visions of her best friend turning on her for betraying the Resistance. Later, when she wasn’t simply grateful that this meant people hadn’t been killed due to her misplaced trust. 

Later, when she wasn’t dropping her weapon and hurtling towards them, slamming her face into the first chest she could and shaking with sobs that wracked her entire body. 

She was engulfed, until the light around her was snuffed out by the pressure of two men surrounding her from both sides. She couldn’t hear or see anything, anymore; but that was preferable to what she’d just been forced to witness. So she took the dark as a salve, and buried herself in it.

She was safe now, their unyielding arms said. The nightmare was over.

They were wrong, of course. She was sure this particular nightmare had only just begun. Still, she deserved a few stolen moments of peace, where she could pretend everything was going to be all right. She found those moments buried in the embrace of two of the most terrible men in the universe.

As only she was in the uncanny and unique position to do.

They were speaking, but she’d buried herself so deep in Kylo’s robes that she couldn’t hear much more than a muted mumble until she turned her head and let sound return to her. It wasn’t much; just her name, murmured once or twice, trying to get her attention. Eventually they gave up, and just held her.

And that was enough.

* * *

The hangar housed a single, tiny transport vehicle with its hangar bay door still wide open as if the two of them hadn’t bothered to even consider closing it when they’d rushed out during landing. Rey felt an angry flush of guilt when she recognized that she’d expected to see an X-Wing in that hangar, only to realize how silly that was. She paused, hanging back alone as both men continued walking forward from her side. The transport reminded her of where she was going, and in that moment, she finally understood Snoke’s last words.

_It already has_ , Snoke had assured her. Bringing her here had done something after all. She felt the pull of hesitation, and realized how long it had been since she’d considered returning to the Resistance and abandoning this entire, far-fetched idea.

Her eyes flickered from one man, to the other. They’d held her. Comforted her. _Saved_ her.

They were murderers.

And they wanted her to join them.

Snoke had returned to her the roots of doubt that Kylo and Hux had worked so hard to eradicate. She wondered if they’d gotten in too deep, this time - or if knowing that this was all a manipulation would give her the stubborn strength she needed to tear them out again.

She wondered if she even wanted to tear them out again.

No matter how unreal Finn’s reaction had been, the entire scenario had been too easy to believe at first.

Hux was the first to turn, after realizing that Rey had stayed behind. His heels clipped as he swiveled sharply around, and clacked with each step towards her, until he stopped just short of pressing himself against her. He bent his head down, and gave her a worried glance. She was clutching the bundle of items she’d brought with her, holding them so tightly her fingers were starting to turn white.

She couldn’t meet his eyes.

After a few long seconds passed, Hux let out a long sigh and ran his hand across his face, scratching the bare stubble against his cheek. Two days without shaving was two days too long for him, and he took his frustrations out on the fuzz against his cheek, scratching his nails up and down until his skin felt raw under his fingertips.

He didn’t know what to say to make it all better - Rey could tell that he was trying to think of something, because he _always_ thought of something, and the fact that he was coming up empty had him tearing himself apart at the seams with irritation. She could hear the sound of his nails getting more violent against his skin, and she reached up to grab the hand against his face, and yank it down between them. She still couldn’t look at him, but she wasn’t so far gone that she was going to let him hurt himself for it.

Her fingers remembered the feel of his, and intertwined in between them without her permission, like muscle memory.

“We’ll find him.” Hux finally found the words he was looking for, even if they were still scratchy from a sore throat, and only came at the behest of her hand wrapped in his. “I promise you. This won’t ever happen again.”

His free hand cupped her cheek, turning it up to look at him, but when her eyes came close enough to meeting his, they closed with a pinch. She nodded her head despite the cringe in her features, and Hux swallowed hard and rolled his eyes in a feeble attempt to keep himself from cracking. He tugged her hand so she didn’t have to worry about looking at him, anymore, pulling her to fall against his chest. With a shudder, she adjusted her bundle and curled into the arm that wrapped around her back.

His fingers were against her neck when he shifted to walk her back down to the transport, leading her blindly step by step until they stopped in front of Ren, standing in the open maw of the vehicle. With a glance at the woman in his arms, and another at Hux himself, Ren drew his brows down in anger, and seriously considered disembarking to go find Snoke himself.

Despite his lack of empathy, Hux caught sight of the revenge Ren was suddenly ravenous for as it sparked deep in his eyes. The Admiral shook his head once in a near imperceptible movement.

“Let’s go home.” He offered instead, gently reminding the other man that Rey would need them both, this time.

Ren took the hint.

“We missed you terribly, I’ll have you know.” Hux murmured into Rey’s hair, ushering her inside as the Knight unfolded his hands and followed behind them, now that the hangar doors were closing. “Well, _I_ missed you. It wasn’t even a day, and I already have mountains of paperwork to file on ship repair.”

He heard the faint, but distinct snort of a laugh against his chest, and his lips twitched with pride at having managed to elicit even that from her. “I can’t afford to let you out of my sight ever again. He’ll destroy my flagship for sure.”

“Keep talking about me like I’m not right in front of you,” Ren growled, his teeth baring momentarily. “And I’ll destroy it _anyway_.”

“You _see_?” Hux sighed out, setting Rey down in her own seat and fastening her safety restraints for her so that she never had to let go of her plant. He tugged her restraints playfully, and gave her a knowing smirk. “He’s an absolute boor. Never leave me alone with him again. Promise?”

Her careful, delicate smile shattered at the question, and he knew she wasn’t ready to joke about staying with them forever, just yet.

“Or at least promise me you’ll find a suitable tamer for him should you ever find a better place to be.”

“ _Hux._ ” Ren snapped out, warning the Admiral that his humor was going too far. He spared a quick smile before leaving Rey and sliding into the pilot’s seat, immediately priming the ship for take-off.

“We could always acquire ourselves a clicker for obedience training. See if he responds to that.”

Hux felt the back of his seat lurch forward, slammed by the Force until he nearly hit his head on the control panel. He should have expected that.

With one glance back to catch the sight of Rey rubbing at her cheeks and burying her laughter in her hands, Hux huffed one final _’brute’_ under his breath, before lurching the ship forward and leaving the base, hopefully for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *THROWS PETALS AND CONFETTI IN THE SHAPE OF TINY LITTLE SNOKE HEADS*
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Sheila, pls love me again.
> 
> You guys have no idea how jazzed I was to see that so many of you are still here, chugging away at this with me, it means the world to me. Thank you for everything, guys. FULL STEAM AHEAD NO STOPS UNTIL SOMETHING ELSE TERRIBLE HAPPENS GO GO GO
> 
> ps Mitaka for president


	26. Chapter 26

The trip back to the Finalizer was largely spent in silence. Kylo had tried, just once, to reach out into Rey’s mind for a glimpse at what she’d experienced, but the moment she felt his presence the walls came up with smooth efficiency, and her answer was clear.

She wasn’t ready.

Hux wrapped his greatcoat around her shoulders the moment he’d unstrapped her safety harness and eased her off of the ship, but not even the heat of the thick, oversized coat could quell the chill that had buried itself cleverly under all her layers, whispering reminders of how much blood was on his hands and how many people had cried out in terror, while he smugly wore that very same coat on his own shoulders.

Eventually the body heat cooled away underneath, but she couldn’t find it in herself to pull the coat off of her and hand it back to him. Instead, she wrapped it even tighter, aching for a safety lost in its folds, and yet stubbornly refusing to reach for the familiar safety waiting in the arms of either man the way she had when they’d found her.

The coat was not enough. The coat would have to do.

Arriving at the Finalizer again left them all at a loss for where to put her. Her own quarters were off limits, but that was the only thing the three of them would agree upon. Their arguments continued in the closest quarters, which happened to be Kylo’s. But as far as he was concerned, the argument was over.

“She stays here.”

The loss of Rey had rattled him thoroughly enough to change his normal precedents about overnight visitors. Now, he never wanted her to leave his side. And by the shake in his voice, Rey realized she wasn’t the only one traumatized by her abduction. It was almost as if he could feel the constant pull of fear that now guided every one of her actions, keeping her eyes flickering around her in constant wariness.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” She huffed up at him from under the greatcoat, despite the ball of dread in her gut that chanted _yes, yes, I do, please, never leave me alone again_. She knew her mind was well protected from him now, but the way his hands fisted as he tried to ignore her made her wonder.

“I’ll be fine in another room.” She lied, this time more convincingly. She refused to let fear dictate her actions.

But she was still ignored.

“Absolutely not.” Hux clipped out, though his response was solely to Kylo. “You don’t even have a place for her to sleep.”

“She’s already stayed here once before. She’d be safe here. What alternative is there?”

“My room has the greatest level of security. Also, it’s fit for human beings, unlike this cave dwelling you reside in. She’d have her own bed, and-”

“Under no conditions am I letting her stay in your quarters alone.”

“She wouldn’t _be_ alone.” Hux’s smile showed a little too much teeth. “She would be with me.”

Very suddenly, Rey realized that neither of them were going to take her opinion into account. They were locked in their own stubborn world, fighting over which one of them had more right to keep her safe. They spoke about her as if she wasn’t even there - as if she was some beloved toy to be fought over and claimed.

She was almost thankful for the rage that their unacceptable behavior was creating within her, because it burned away all traces of fear until there was only one thought left in her mind. She needed to get away from _them_.

The door hissed shut before either man even realized she’d left, and the heat fueling their argument died in their throats. 

“Where is she going?” Hux asked, turning to the force user as the question escaped in an exhausted breath. If Kylo wasn’t already so focused on following her, he would have told the Admiral to go figure it out, himself.

But Rey’s presence was on the forefront of his mind, now. Kylo stood there, tense and still, and followed her every step.

“She’s looking for another room.” He sighed out in defeat, finally crumbling down into a heap on the edge of his bed. “She’s very angry.”

“At Snoke?” Hux asked.

“At _us._ ”

“I’m surprised she’s letting you read her mind then,” Hux’s voice lowered with contrition, as he slid down to sit on the bench in the middle of the room. As long as Kylo kept his mind on the girl, he felt most confident staying in the Commander’s presence.

“She’s not.” Kylo was curling inward as he spoke, his voice crushing Hux with the sound of its audible heartache. Kylo’s arm wrapped around his chest. “I can feel her.”

“Ah.” The Admiral sighed out. He’d almost mercifully forgotten about that. “How angry is she?”

Kylo’s face tensed around the edges, his deep frown giving Hux the only answer he needed.

“That angry, hm?” Hux exhaled, pressing his face into his hands. “We were being rather brutish. This is the last thing she needed, after what she’s been through.”

“She wouldn’t tell me what happened.” Kylo admitted, the tension in his expression only increasing. The statement gripped Hux with anxiety, letting the weight of the words silence him for a few moments. He hoped, desperately, that her reluctance to discuss the events on the medical base with Kylo were due to his less than friendly nature. The alternative was unthinkable.

“Has her search produced any results yet?”

Kylo’s face twitched, catching a hint of something unexpected, and the slow sneer curling his lips had Hux straightening his back in preparation to move. “Not exactly.” Kylo growled, flickering his gaze up at him. 

When he did not elaborate, Hux rolled his eyes and stood. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Was she in danger, or was she simply failing to find a room? He was in no mood for cryptic answers, when it came to Rey’s safety - but when Kylo finally answered, Hux could hear an unexpected hint of jealousy already coloring the question.

“How well do you trust General Mitaka?”

Hux tried, very hard, to suppress a laugh.

* * *

Testing out every single door to find one that was open failed almost as soon as she’d started, because the occupant behind the second locked door she’d tested responded almost instantly, calling out a constant string of _‘Coming!’s_ that grew more audible as he rushed to answer the door. She didn’t know who any of these officers could have expected to be at their door like this, but they were coming nonetheless, and she felt frozen out of sheer politeness to explain herself instead of running away.

The door jostled opened no more than an inch, and a wide, fearful pair of eyes rested on Rey through it. His brow was already furrowing so deeply it left lines creasing the skin, as he took in the sight of her. When he’d seen what he needed to, General Mitaka opened the door fully, standing there in full uniform covered by a violently orange apron that nearly exploded fringes of ruffles on every edge. On it’s face said _‘Not until I’ve had my caf’_ in loopy handwriting, along with a grumpy faced cup of smoking hot caf that sat just under the words. In one hand, Mitaka was holding a spatula up awkwardly.

She couldn’t stop staring at that bright orange apron.

“Hello?” His timid voice called out to her, as he bent his head to try and catch her attention. “Is there something I can help you with Lieutenant?”

She shook, startled by the title. It took far too many seconds for her to remember that she was still wearing Lieutenant Farrah’s uniform and Hux’s greatcoat, and Mitaka had no idea who she was otherwise. Her fingers ghosted against the bars across her chest indicating her rank, and her expression twisted with regret.

“No. Sorry. I was just looking for an empty room.”

Mitaka’s eyes had focused on her fingers touching the rank bars, and the lines on the cuff of one of the greatcoat’s sleeves. He pinched his brow together in thought. “We’re assigned our rooms by Personnel, typically.” He told her, holding the door open a little wider. “Unless you’re a very special guest.”

It hadn’t taken him long to figure it out. The spatula waved her inside, but she stayed at the door’s edge, hesitant and wary.

“Oh, come on in. You know they’ll be storming over any minute, anyway. At least have some breakfast first.”

Mitaka might have figured out who she was, but he couldn’t have known that he’d just made his offer nearly impossible to refuse. She could smell the wafting aroma of something sweet from here, and she’d taken a step forward before realizing it. 

“I don’t want to intrude.” She finally managed to say, focusing on his face now instead of that eye searing apron. The newly appointed General had a tiny, trembling smile, and sad eyes. He seemed to lack almost all of the cold demeanor she was used to dealing with when speaking with an officer of the First Order - though she had to admit, that number was pathetically low.

Still, he just looked so - she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Not harmless, exactly. But something close.

“Not at all. You can imagine we don’t really get guests, and I always make too much. Have you ever had a blintz?”

Her head reared back at the word, before shaking it.

“A crêpe then?” 

She shook her head again, and he let out a shudder. “Let’s see if we can fix that before the Admiral and Commander come to collect you. Do you think I’ll get demoted for feeding you?”

He pressed a button to close the door behind her and she spun, staring at how quickly it had all happened. There was a surrealness to her position, as if perhaps something within her didn’t truly want to admit a First Order officer could be as gentle and normal as this man was.

“I wouldn’t let them do that.” She promised, earning the quickest little smile she’d ever seen come and go off of someone’s face. 

“Too kind. The Admiral’s told me all about you, of course - during our initial briefing when he arrived. Come, here, sit here please, I’ll finish cooking.” He’d all but guided her to the kitchenette of his quarters - quarters that looked too fancy for a man like him, nor did he look like he was at home in them. His move to a General’s quarters was a new thing, and she wondered if the boxes on the corner of the sitting room were because he’d only just gotten there, or he was still waiting to be told to go back to his real room again.

“Rey, is - is that right?” He barely managed out, as he poured a slippery liquid into a pan and immediately began to shift it around. She nodded - not quite ready to try and have a real conversation, yet. Mitaka managed well enough for both of them. “My name is Lieu- ah, General Mitaka. Really, I’ve been wanting to make your acquaintance. You’ve made such a stir.” He chuckled nervously, scraping the spatula under the thin crêpe and pulling it off of the pan to flip it over. “Not that that’s a bad thing, of course. No, probably not.”

He didn’t sound sure about a single thing he’d said - including his own name, which sounded foreign on his own tongue. His accent was near exact to the posh accent of Hux’s voice, but it lacked the self-assurance and smooth, almost musical ease. It was just clean, quiet, and careful. It put her at ease, despite how tense he seemed.

“That’s all right.” She finally interjected, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of whatever he was making. “It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s called me a troublemaker. It won’t be the last.”

“Ha!” His tiny laugh barked out high pitched, and it almost made her laugh just to hear it. “Well. Well, all right. Troublemaker. Good trouble though, I assure you. We’re doing good things, now. Better things.”

He set the next crêpe to cooking, as he slid the first onto a plate.

“Now. Tell me, troublemaker. Fruit or cheese?”

“What?” She turned up her lip in confusion at the question.

“Do you want your first crêpe filled with fruit, or cheese? See, the little canisters here - I have some blueberries, strawberries, and then there’s the cheese, it’s very creamy, that’s my favorite.”

She’d leaned in the moment he opened the canisters of filling, and pulled back on the sudden urge to stick her fingers in them all and taste them.

“Can’t I have both?” She asked, innocence clouding over any intent. Mitaka laughed, waving a finger at her as if she’d just said something cheeky. 

“Troublemaker.” He chuckled out, spreading cheese on the crêpe with a knife. “Which fruit, then?”

She pointed towards the strawberries, and he obliged. She heard a soft hum vibrating from his lips when he spread the strawberries on top of the crêpe and folded it up carefully, using a swipe of the knife under the lip to seal it.

“My mother taught me how to make these. It’s easier than most other breakfast foods. Hard to get them wrong when they’re so thin. At least, I can hope.”

After a light dusting of powdered sugar topped the confection, the plate was slid in front of her, along with a knife and fork. He returned to cooking the crêpes, giving her a moment of something like privacy to eat without his prying eyes. She eyed the fork and knife for a moment, and sincerely contemplated trying to eat with them.

In the end, she picked the crêpe up and held it with both hands, biting down on one end so hard the cheese fell from the back to blob down into the plate, and she was suddenly grateful he’d been thoughtful enough to look away while she ate.

“If I may ask,” His quiet voice broke the silence that only her noisy chewing was interrupting. “Why were you looking for a room? I was under the impression you had one already. Is it not to your liking?”

She swallowed, and the crêpe was placed back down on her plate. It was clear by the way she stared at it that the question had made her lose her appetite.

“The Commander and the General don’t believe I’m safe there, anymore.” The spite was too audible, and she winced with regret. There was no telling if being this honest around Mitaka was safe, yet. She looked up to see him paused from spreading cheese on his own crêpe.

He continued a moment later, as if her words hadn’t frozen him.

“The Admiral.” He chirped out, his voice impressively hiding what she thought must have been fear in his eyes. “Admiral Hux has his own fleet, now.” He explained, when he registered the confusion in Rey’s expression. “The title is well deserved.”

There was something close to hero worship in Mitaka’s voice whenever he spoke of the Admiral, and Rey was only starting to catch notice of it. She fell silent, letting the thought process as she ate her breakfast with her hands and kept her eyes locked on the unusual man. She sensed something desperate to thrive in him, but it wasn’t Force sensitivity; there was nothing there but the natural hum of the Force drifting within him, an unconscious thrum that all living things possessed, but few could actually control. Neither was it power, or any sense of desire. She felt like Mitaka lived just outside the boundaries of the power spectrums that were colliding, in a plane where his own actions were justified by a sense of loyalty, and purpose. He belonged in the First Order because that was where he’d been raised, and something in him struggled to always make someone proud.

She wondered if he ever thought about the cause of the First Order at all, or how many died under his loyalties. But when she looked at his face, and the pale tremble of his lips, she guessed that he thought about it far more than he’d ever like to admit.

Maybe Mitaka wasn’t so blind, after all.

Rey glanced around the room, taking in the stark bare walls and the untouched bed. Nothing of Mitaka spoke to the room, just yet; save for one thing, sitting crooked on the small end table beside the bed. Other than his clothes, he’d unpacked one single item - a holoframe. The blue lit image hovering just above the projector was hard to see from her angle, but she could tell it was an image of two children. 

“General?” Rey breathed out, putting down the remains of her crêpe and licking her fingers. “Do you have children?”

She bit her lip and tried not to laugh when Mitaka sputtered at the simple question with an embarrassment that should have been better suited to the query of ‘are you a virgin’, but she fought down the amusement as he tried to pull himself together.

“No, oh no, not me, no - I don’t even - I mean I’m not - ahaha, no, no children. Why? I’m sorry. I mean. Why did you want to know? Not that you can’t ask me anything, I just mean-”

Rey reached out all the way over the counter and put her hand over his lips, stopping him before he gave himself a heart attack. He stared, wide and cross-eyed, at the hand over his mouth.

“I did _not_ mean to trouble you with such a personal question. I just noticed the picture on your bedside. Honestly, you don’t need to humor my curiosity.”

She was hesitant to pull the hand away, in case he was still rambling, but when she did she found him pleasantly silent. It took him several seconds before his mind seemed to restart, and his eyelids fluttered as he processed his thoughts properly again.

“The picture?” He turned, shutting off the stove as he spared a very hesitant, almost shy glance at the bedside. “Ah, that. Of course. No, no, I - really it’s fine. I don’t mind sharing.”

Rey felt a sharp, unexpected surge of compassion that came from hearing words she didn’t think anyone on this ship would ever truly say - and mean. This man had a private life, just like everyone else - but he was so willing to be open about it, ready to tell her everything just because she’d mentioned it.

What was he _doing_ working for the First Order?

He’d already walked over to grab the tiny holo-projector, and set it down between them as he worked on the rest of the crêpes. “That’s me, actually! The little black haired boy there. The girl on my shoulders is my best friend. Was, I suppose.” He paused, biting his lip for a moment, before shaking his head and amending himself one last time. “Is.”

Seeing Mitaka as a little boy made him too human, too real. Rey instantly regretted asking him about it. That regret did not extend far enough to stop her from asking more; because he’d shared this much with her. She refused to be rude enough to feign indifference, now.

“What happened?”

“We grew up!” He laughed out quietly, sliding another cheese and fruit filled crêpe onto Rey’s plate. “Different worlds, different lives. There was a little time between, a few stolen moments when really we shouldn’t have.” He licked his thumb before pressing a finger on the holo-projector, and the image flickered from two children to the face of a teenaged Mitaka, with his head ducked shyly against the shoulder of a girl with a soft, tender face. They both looked so painfully shy together, as if the act of cuddling and holding hands was pure scandal.

There was something desperate about the way his fingers curled around hers, and Rey recognized the sadness in his eyes instantly. No matter how much they’d tried, this was not a happy picture.

“But things got complicated. Still, she’s my best friend. Even if it didn’t work out, I’m not going to just forget about her. So I take her with me wherever I go.” His thumb pressed the image back to his childhood photo, with a frail little boy whose eyes sparkled without a single care in the world.

“Will you tell me about her?” Rey asked, before she could stop herself. Why was she forcing him to dredge up memories of whatever had planted that sadness in his eyes?

Then she saw it, and she realized why. For just a moment, that little sparkle was back, and she knew it wouldn’t hurt him to tell her.

“I’d love to. Eat! Eat, and I’ll talk.”

So she ate. And he talked. He told her every tiny, insignificant story he could remember about his best friend. 

He told her about their days spent in class together, learning how to spell and write and count. He told her about every hiding place they’d found, desperate to keep away from other children. They spent recesses together in quiet, playing simple games or reading to one another.  
He told her about the day when he had to leave, torn from the planet he’d been raised on to live as an outcast on the Outer Rim. His parents were fugitives, refusing to give up on old ideals that meant little to him at the time. He’d been so mad at his parents, then. It had taken him years to understand.

He told her about the festival on Serenno, celebrating some vague battle of the past that no one there seemed to remember the outcome of. He remembered the exact moment he saw her, dressed up simple and lovely, and he’d fallen for her before even realizing who she was.

He told Rey how he thought the girl had been too pretty to be real, and that alone had given him the courage to try and reach out to her. But the moment he’d touched her elbow to garner her attention, she’d recognized him before he’d ever said a word.

And there, his stories began to drift off, taking the sparkle with them as they faded. He prodded at his breakfast with his fork, and let out one last, soft chuckle.

“We saw each other a few times after that. But that’s it.” He hadn’t eaten more than half of the last crêpe, but it was clear that the discussion had closed his stomach up. He gave up on the meal, clattering his utensils onto the plate and picking it all up to dispose of the remains.

“I’m sorry.” Rey muttered lamely, unsure of how to respond after being given so much. “Maybe you’ll see her again, one day. It’s clear you still have feelings for her.”

Mitaka’s eyes flickered up to Rey with a careful glance, and his lips twitched as if he was trying - and failing - to smile. He took the holo-projector and carried it back to his bedstand, before returning to clear her dishes as well.

“With Kay, it’s just -it’s very complicated.” He breathed out, shaking his head. When he returned, his eyes caught on the greatcoat still wrapped around her shoulders, and his cheeks flushed an embarrassing shade of pink. “But I guess you’ll know all about complicated, now that you’re here.” 

She hadn’t expected that. Mitaka’s hospitality had her comfortably settled into a gentle lull, but his sharp eye and tiny smile reminded her that there had to be a reason he was good enough to be where he was, and that cleverness was a popular First Order trait. She wrapped the greatcoat tighter around her shoulders, shrugging away the instinct to deny that she knew what he was talking about.

“That’s a different kind of complicated, but yes. I suppose you’re right.” She slid her arms into the long sleeves of the greatcoat, and then pulled them up until her hands finally slid out of the holes. “Any suggestions?” She promised herself, belatedly, to take anything Mitaka said with a grain of salt. He was the enemy, after all.

Except that he was the closest thing to a kindred spirit she had on this ship, and he was no more an enemy to her than a scalding cup of caf could be to her tongue. He might be forced to hurt her, one day. She knew he’d never do so on purpose.

“Me?” He seemed so surprised to hear the question, knowing full well he’d done little to deserve her faith. “I’m still trying to figure out how to make the right decisions for myself. I can’t say my advice would be very helpful to you, unfortunately. But maybe.. Maybe just, keep an open mind? I don’t know if that really means anything to you, but if Admiral Hux trusts you enough to keep you so close to him, I have to believe it’s for a good reason.”

“Good for whom?” Rey muttered, reaching out for a cup as he held it out to her and silently offered to fill it with caf. “The First Order? I’m not such a big supporter. The First Order hasn’t made a good first impression on me.”

He poured her the caf, and then poured himself a cup as well. “I’m not the one to try and convince you of anything. Has Admiral Hux attempted to-”

She waved her hand quickly, silencing Mitaka with the gesture. “ _Admiral_ Hux has tried to explain things to me several times. I’m still unconvinced that any proper decisions have been made.” She swirled milk into the caf in the cup, staring at it with a troubled expression. “The only thing he has convinced me of, is that I could prevent future catastrophes from being _necessary_ , by working here. And that’s what matters. Not me believing in your cause. Or theirs.”

When she looked up from her caf, after a moment of silence, she caught a glimpse of Mitaka’s gaze, lingering fondly on her. She blinked, digesting the expression in an attempt to understand it, before he shook himself out of it and looked away. “Well.” He stuttered out, sipping nervously on his caf. “If that’s true, then I was right. He knows what he’s doing, with you. Maybe you’ll be the key to keeping _everyone_ safe.”

Rey wondered silently what he meant by that, or why Mitaka would care so thoroughly over the safety of the members of the Resistance. It made no sense, but it was welcome, nonetheless.

“I’ve never seen him speak of someone the way he spoke of you.” Mitaka mused, smiling fondly into his caf. “Not that I can blame him, now that I’ve met you. But it was a relief to hear fondness in that man’s voice. I think the crew honestly thought him a well crafted droid, from his distant demeanor to his efficiency. But some of us knew better. And then we saw him speak of your work with Kylo Ren and himself, and.. it was different. Not obvious, just - different.”

Mitaka hadn’t looked up to see Rey’s reaction as he spoke so freely of the change in his superior officer, but when he finally turned his eyes back up to her, he saw the faint remnants of a blush just starting to fade off of her cheeks, and it had him smiling into his caf as he brought it quickly back up to his lips.

A very tiny, shaky whisper left her once a few solid moments of thoughtful silence had passed.

“I wish I could trust them.” She admitted, much to Mitaka’s surprise. The fact that she was trusting _him_ with this trouble kept him from interrupting her quiet murmurs. “I don’t think they deserve it.”

Mitaka trusted his Admiral with his very life, but Hux had earned his trust, and his loyalty. He hoped that time would give him the chance to do the same, with Rey.

“Do you think you’ll be able to keep the First Order from destroying the Resistance?” Mitaka’s voice had matched her quiet, lending a soft hushed reverence to their conversation. “And vice versa?”

He watched the change as it took over every inch of Rey’s body. The slump of her shoulders straightened into something strong and defiant. She gripped her cup hard, and her expression hardened with determination. Something thrilled him about the sight of the girl who’d just whispered her insecurities to him, suddenly filling with the same kind of unseen control he was only used to seeing in his Admiral.

She didn’t need to answer him. But the words came, regardless.

“I’ll _die_ before I ever allow anyone to get hurt over this wretched war again.”

And suddenly, he was glad she’d said the words.

“Oh.” He grinned, a sloppy thing that looked odd on his face, and he put down his cup of caf to walk around his kitchenette table. When he stopped right in front of her, he rose his arms up, looking as though he wanted to hug her, but hesitant to actually touch her without permission. He kept leaning in, almost hugging her, and then pulling away with a nervous laugh.

In the end, Rey put him out of his misery, and wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug.

“I believe you.” Mitaka whispered, that unfetching grin still plastered on his face. “I believe you.”

She seized up in his arms, and then turned limp with what felt like exhaustion. He pulled away to look down at her, his eyes wide in worry. “What’s wrong?”

“You were right about them.” She muttered through a tired expression. “It was only a matter of time.”

The door to Mitaka’s quarters pinged as its security code was successfully entered, and Kylo Ren swarmed into the room too quickly to be anything but enraged. Admiral Hux was behind him, but his movements were as smooth as ever, and only his face betrayed the lack of calm.

“General.” Admiral Hux addressed the man with a curt nod of his head, and his eyes flickered in silent warning down to Mitaka’s arms. Instantly, Mitaka dropped them away from Rey, and turned to pale stone at her side.

“I appreciate you offering your hospitality to our Rey while she’s in between rooming accommodations. Your politeness is well noted.”

 _”Like hell it is.”_ Came the unmistakable growl through Ren’s bared teeth, as he rose his hand up and looked like he wanted to choke Mitaka. More specifically, it looked like he was trying, very hard, and _failing_.

“I don’t recall either of you being invited into Mitaka’s _private quarters_ this morning.” Rey’s vibrance was back, inflamed with the insult of their presence coupled by Kylo’s blatant attempt to hurt someone just for offering her a _hug._ She was the reason Ren’s force choke was failing, even if Mitaka’s hand was already itching at his neck, nervously fighting off the echo of the first time he’d suffered from it. “Nor do I recall any rule stating that offering me breakfast and comfort was a crime under our agreement. I’m not here as a prisoner, and I can assure you I will not stand for being deprived of making acquaintances while I’m here in order to make my stay more bearable. So stand down, before I _make you_.”

Ren’s narrowed glare finally twitched to meet Rey, and she could hear the creak of his gloves when his fingers relaxed their hold.

“Now. _Get out._ ”

“Ah-” Hux placed his hand on Ren’s chest, halting him from letting out another outburst of anger at the girl for ordering him around. “We only came to let you know we’ve come to our senses, and reached a compromise. The quarters directly beside Ren’s has been vacated - apparently, its owner is missing. I’ll have it prepared for you immediately, but we can take a look at it now if you like.”

Rey was not buying the polite tone of Hux’s voice, when she could hear how it strained just under its flimsy guise. He’d been just as undone by the sight of her in Mitaka’s arms as Ren was - but Hux, she now knew, was always better at hiding his true intentions.

She was simply getting better at seeing through him, and that was his fault. Keeping her around him this much was starting to take its toll on his carefully constructed masks. Right now, she saw that this was just a ploy to get her out of Mitaka’s rooms, and out of his arms. Luckily for Hux, Rey did not play petty games for petty reasons; else she would have stayed just to stoke that fire and see if he’d break character.

She turned back to Mitaka, and smiled with embarrassment. “Breakfast was delicious, General.” She felt Hux moving from one foot to another behind her, his boots creaking noisily with the effort, and tried not to roll her eyes. “I hope we get to speak again soon. I appreciate the advice, even if it is becoming more and more difficult to find the patience to take it to heart.”

Mitaka hadn’t stopped flushing since he’d dropped his arms, and Rey felt the sting of guilt for putting him in such a position just by being around her. If Kylo and Hux continued to alienate the people around her this way, they would find her more unwilling to keep her end of the bargain than they’d ever imagined.

She turned back to Kylo and Hux. One was glowering, sulking almost childishly at his reprimand. The other was nervously tugging on his gloves, fixing invisible imperfections in a painful attempt to look bored.

At least she wasn’t scared of them, when they were like this. She was too annoyed to be scared.

“Get out.” She muttered, taking them both by the arm and turning them around to shuffle them out the door. “Show me this room, already.”

“General.” Hux managed a haphazard farewell to Mitaka as he was pushed out, and received a cracked _“Admiral!”_ back in response. Once they were out the door, Mitaka dared to sneak over, to watch them walking down the hall together, arm in arm; even if Rey did manage a shove to get Kylo to stop slouching, once in a while.

Mitaka bit the tip of his tongue between his teeth.

“Your complications aren’t so different after all, I think.” He whispered, before disappearing into his quarters and letting his door hiss shut.

* * *

“Whose room was this, that disappeared?” Rey asked, standing in the middle of another sparse, dark colored room. It was similar in size and accommodations to Kylo’s, but at least there was no shrine to a burnt relic in the middle. That was an improvement.

“One of Ren’s associates.” Hux began.

“Auvas Ren.” Kylo completed the thought, his voice husky with disgruntlement. “I’ve lost touch with all six of the Knights of Ren since Starkiller fell. There was no reason for them to have been on the planet when it was destroyed, but I can no longer feel them in the Force - it’s more than likely they’re dead.”

They were trying to put her in a dead person’s room.

“Um,” She hummed out, backing out of the room slowly. “Isn’t there any other alternative?” She could still taste fruit on her tongue, and would later on blame that troublemaking taste for the words she blurted out next. “I could stay with Mitaka.”

Both men turned around, and an absolute miracle occurred before her very eyes. Kylo Ren and Admiral Hux spoke in tandem, and in perfect agreement.

_”No.”_

The fleeting dream of having crêpes every morning was sucked away from her faster than being spaced out an open airlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you not aware of my current obsession, Mitaka's childhood crush is, in fact, our beloved little bun wearing Resistance fighter, [Kaydel Ko Connix.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CX0UlCaWkAAcTCQ.png:large)
> 
> So writing's been really hard for me lately. Thanks to Juulna I have a little more insight into where this story's going, but I wanna apologize in advance if my updates are slow, I've never done a longfic before so this is an effort in patience for me too! But I really love you guys and thank you so much for supporting me and hope you continue to enjoy this as it goes along.
> 
> ALSO SORRY FOR THE COMPLETE LACK OF REYLUX WOW THIS CHAPTER IS SO MITAKA BASED IT'S HILARIOUS. But that's it for him for now. Rey just needed a friend. 
> 
> And for those of you who read the works of my darlings Aqua and Jackie, why yes, the triumvirate of breakfast in fics is complete. WE ARE ONE.
> 
> THANKS FOR READING!!


	27. Chapter 27

In the end, Rey decided to take the missing Knight’s room. Everything personal (which was hardly anything at all) had been removed first, leaving the dark quarters even more bare than it had been when they’d first shown her it. The closet was now empty, the refresher was fully sanitized and stripped, and the bed had all new linens on it. They were a soft sort of blue, and the contrast of that gentle color hurt to look at in the midst of all the black that surrounded it.

She’d placed her plant on the flat table beside the bed, and that was enough to consider the room hers.

“It’s growing past the means of the pot.” Hux pointed out to her, when he came to visit her in her new accommodations. “You’ll need somewhere better to plant it.”

They were on a Star Destroyer, and the look on her face silently judged him for making the suggestion that there was anywhere on the ship she could plant a living thing. His lips twitched, holding back a smile, until he reached out to take her chin between his thumb and forefinger and hold it up towards him.

“ _And_ you’ll need a proper introduction to the amenities the Finalizer has to offer, if only to give me the chance to wipe that disbelief off your face. I look forward to the chance at surprising you just a little more, before you know all of my secrets and I’m no longer of interest.”

“Don’t worry.” Rey chirped up at him with sarcasm she could taste on her tongue. Her face shifted, pulling her out of his hold. “I doubt I’ll ever fully understand everything about you, Admiral. You’ll be keeping me endlessly guessing.”

She caught the flash in his eyes, betraying an interest in her words that she found herself unsurprised at. She guessed that the sound of his new rank was the most likely reason for that sudden intake of breath hissing between his lips, and not because she’d suggested that her time in his company had no limit. In truth, however, it was a combination of the two that had silenced Hux to stillness in her presence. The moment lasted longer than she felt comfortable with, and when she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, he caught the thread of conversation back up instantly.

“Your time with General Mitaka has you well informed, I see. I feel cheated. I’d hoped to tell you the good news myself.” 

Was she imagining things, or was Admiral Hux actually trying to pout at her?

“If you were hoping to surprise me, walking in dressed like this was _probably_ not a wise move.” She pointed out, reaching around and holding his cape out to one side. There was nothing subtle about Hux’s new uniform, and she knew better than to take his disappointment to heart. He was nothing but proud of what he’d accomplished, and there was no better statement of that pride than the tall stiffness of both of his new collars, one from his jacket and a higher one laying against his neck from the long, elegant cape sitting on his shoulders. She had trouble taking the cape seriously, at first. She was still tempted to reach for it and flap it around when he dared turn anywhere near her, but the way it flowed like rippling water behind him when he walked had finally won her over. 

She wondered how much of the entire ensemble was standard issue for a First Order Admiral, and how much of it was Hux’s personal hand guiding the design as it was being crafted. She had to believe the cape was his idea. She had to. She’d never known anyone in her entire life who thought they could pull off a cape, before she’d met Hux.

“You had no reason to believe this wasn’t my typical outfit prior to this new regime.” He reminded her, sliding her hand off of his cape with careful fingers. He’d just meant to keep her curious touch away; but instead, without realizing it, his fingers remained loosely caged around hers to keep her hand at bay. “I had every intention of surprising you. General Mitaka has stolen this little joy from me. Allow me to escort you on a tour of the Finalizer, before anyone else dares steal that, too.”

Rey’s eyes rolled to emphasize just how little she was actually worried about his lost intentions. There was no real plea in his voice, no actual dejection present. She wondered just how hard he was fighting not to smile when he spoke of his stolen pride.

But she was too pragmatic not to accept his offer. She needed to know everything about the ship she would tentatively call home for as long as she worked there. She knew Hux was clever enough to keep her away from some of the more safely restricted sections of the ship, but she was prepared to learn as much from what he _didn’t_ show her as she would from what he did.

She squeezed his hand, and the action, as thoughtless and innocent as it was, startled them both into realizing that their fingers had remained intertwined for too long without an adequate reason to explain the act away. It took a moment of awkward fumbling to untangle the fingers, most of which had managed to wind around each other so thoroughly that it felt like pulling apart puzzle pieces and leaving frayed edges. 

Rey snapped her hand back the moment it was free, and rubbed the thumb of her other hand against her palm to try and worm the feeling of him out of her skin. He watched it happen, his eyes focused and flinty, before he forced his expression back to its neutral state.

“Are you free now?” He asked. She hadn’t verbally accepted his offer, but he’d always known she would say yes. He held his gloved hand out to her, the same one that she’d just pulled away from. He caught the exact second her thumb froze against her palm as she stared at it, and wondered at the thoughts that must have been running through her mind in the moments before she put her hand back in his.

He was careful, this time. Their fingers never locked, and he picked up the hand she offered to wrap it carefully around the crook of his elbow.

She still never needed to say the words.

Escorting her out of the room was as far as they’d get, since the dark trunk of Kylo’s imposing form was leaning patiently against the wall beside her open door, waiting for them to find him. He looked so casual, or at least attempting to make an effort of it. It reminded Rey instantly of the brusque, careless apology he’d thrown at her before disappearing into his quarters the morning they’d pulled her away from Mitaka.

It hadn’t been prompted. That, and only that, had forced her to take his feeble attempt seriously. Now, he was trying too hard to act like he didn’t actually care where she went, or what she was doing.

It would have been cute, if the root of his behavior hadn’t ignited her with such anger.

“Good morning, Ren.” Hux offered casually, as if he couldn’t sense the tension between the two. “I was just about to take Rey for her first tour of the facilities. Would you care to join us?”

Rey swiveled a side glance at Hux, looking for any signs that this had all been a cleverly planned ruse to get her to talk to Kylo again. He, of course, gave her absolutely nothing she could use in order to read the situation properly. It was predictable and infuriating.

Kylo nodded in a single sharp motion, and pushed off of the wall to insert himself comfortably on her other side. She could feel his heat brushing against her shoulder, and just his presence managed to hum with an energy that made the fine hairs of her arm stand on end. The feeling was nothing new to her, but she’d never wanted to ignore it quite as much as she did in that moment.

The walk down the hallways of the Finalizer made their time at the base seem like they’d been in a bunker. Rey tried to keep count of the doors they passed as they walked the halls towards some sort of crossroads, but by the forty-fifth door she began to lose count. She knew this meant that finding her way back alone would be improbable, and perhaps that was the point of putting her there in the first place.

She side-glanced at each of the men beside her, one by one, to see if either of them looked smug after all that walking. Ren’s face was as impassive as ever, and Hux was even more difficult since she realized he _always_ looked smug. The only noticeable difference was the quiet, which left her deep in her own thoughts instead of the more familiar bubble of Hux’s elegant conversational skills. It took her a moment to realize that the silence could have been uncomfortable and awkward; instead, there was a very satisfying peace settling between the men, as if they’d come to some kind of accord behind her back. She felt the calm settling around her shoulders, almost unbearably soothing against her nerves. 

It was an apology, she realized with a start. They were _behaving_ as a form of apology. As some kind of wordless offering, an effort that said all at once how they could be better at respecting her boundaries, if she gave them another chance. Neither of them would ever say those words out loud - and she never really expected it, even if she would have liked to hear it. But this was within their power; this show of - not submission, exactly, but humility. Malleability. 

She took it to heart, with the reminder that she only had to like them enough to work with them. Their efforts were enough for that.

“At the end of this hall here,” Hux cut through the silence with his smooth voice, gesturing helpfully towards the curved arc ahead of them and startling Rey back to attention. “Is the same exit you’ll find at the end of every hall. There is convergence to this point, aptly named the Crossroads. If you ever find yourself lost, just keep walking, and eventually you will loop around to find yourself here. The lifts are located at the end of the conveyer belt ahead, and most of them take you to all public domain floors, where you will find - alas - even more modes of transportation to lose yourself in. Watch your step here, my dear-”

He’d been explaining the entire time they walked into what felt like a transportation center, filled with the whirring buzz of moving parts that made it difficult to hear normal conversation. Rey should have been listening, but he’d all but dragged her to the conveyer belt while she gawked openly at the enormity of the structure around her.

She knew the ship was big; she’d traveled the hollowed out remains of Star Destroyers frequently in the past - but to see it all in motion, all those giant parts come to life to create what felt like a mechanical heartbeat, moving in synthetic breath, had her effortlessly captivated. Kylo had already walked past her to stand at the edge of the conveyer belt, waiting for them to join him. Hux was still beside her, having fallen silent once he’d noticed that she was distracted. When her eyes found him, she could tell he was enjoying her open awe, and she pursed her lips as she took his outstretched hand.

The Finalizer wasn’t his design, as Starkiller had been; but Hux was still proud of its every feature, as if it had all been his doing in the first place.

“Careful.” He warned again, as he led her onto the moving belt with him. She felt the vibration of Kylo’s heavy footfalls behind her, and turned around to look up at his imposing form. The moment her eyes tried to meet his, he shifted his gaze away.

Was this how it was going to be, from now on? The thought sickened her, but the realization that this _should_ have been preferable to her was what really started to worry her.

“Now that you’re showing me all of this, does this mean you wouldn’t mind me exploring on my own?” Rey’s question was aimed at Hux, but her eyes were still on Kylo, almost daring him to react to the request. She saw it in the stiffness of his limbs, but to his credit he kept his anger in check. So she slid her gaze to the Admiral, and saw more of a reaction on his face than she could have expected.

It wasn’t anger, exactly. It was - a furrowed brow, a tender frown. It was worry, or frustration, or something impossible to name when it was coming from him of all people.

Now Hux wouldn’t look at her, but he responded just the same.

“You’re free to roam the Finalizer as much as you wish. You’re not a prisoner here. You will be given an official title, rank, and security clearance as befitting your role as diplomat to the Resistance.”

“For.” Rey interrupted him, forcing his piercing gaze up to her again. “For the Resistance.”

Hux took a breath, sucked it in, and held it as he considered his words very carefully. When he finally spoke, his words came slow and punctuated. He wanted to be clear with her, but at the same time he feared spooking her too soon.

“You don’t _work_ for them, Rey. You’ll be on our salary. Live here, on our ship. Attend our meetings. This entire premise of diplomacy is our idea, you and I. The Resistance does not want to negotiate with us - your job will be to convince them otherwise. Which means you’re working for us. Do you understand that, Rey?”

He hadn’t spooked her, but he saw that familiar flare of stubbornness burning in her eyes, and steeled himself by focusing on how much he loved that look; even when it was directed at him.

“I’m not a member of the First Order.” Rey demanded, as if she’d just decided that stipulation to their agreement now, and prepared herself to fight for it.

Luckily, she wouldn’t have to. 

“No, you are a neutral party.” Hux assured her, releasing a long breath as he did so. “We’re simply hiring you on as a consultant. I’m well aware that this does not mean you’ve suddenly come to terms with all the methods that the First Order employs to achieve our goals. It does mean you’re being enlisted to help us resolve our differences. But make no mistake - _we_ are asking you to do this.”

He reached up and settled one gloved hand on her shoulder, brushing it downward one inch before it settled. His head leaned in, to capture her eyes in his focused gaze, and forced her to register the breathy significance of his words. “ _I_ , am asking you to do this. Is that clear?”

Rey wondered if he had even the slightest idea just how much he managed to affect her, when he got that close, and his voice smoothed out until she could feel it just under her skin. Without trying, he could have likely convinced her to agree to anything, in that one quiet second. It was over as quickly as it had come, and she nodded, blinking away the dizziness until she felt like herself again.

Behind her, she felt Kylo shift, and turned her head quickly to catch his reaction before he could wipe away any trace of emotion from his expression. She caught his eyes, and his lips twitched in a barely visible shudder, as though he wanted to smile but couldn’t quite remember how it was done.

Instead, he reached up and set his gloved hand over her other, unoccupied shoulder.

“If anyone can.” He muttered, the gruff sound of negativity still coating his low voice. “It would be you.”

Rey wondered if he was trying to insult her, with that forced annoyance in his tone; but if he was, then he’d failed miserably. All he’d done was expose a deep, raw nerve within him; humming to life with the pure, undiluted faith that she could feel burning it’s way through their bond. If there was any doubt as to whether he believed in her, that painful and almost embarrassing thread of hope did its best to push that doubt away.

She drove back the instinctual urge to shy away from both of them. In truth, it felt really good to be believed in that much. She wanted this feeling. She wanted it to last.

When she smiled up at Kylo, he turned away, and she knew he was fighting harder against the feel of hope than she ever would. Maybe he wasn’t used to believing in anyone but himself - or believing at all, for that matter. Or maybe he’d believed in something undeserving one too many times, and refused to make the same mistakes again.

She wanted to know. The thought hit her, surprising but untroubling regardless. She wanted to know why Kylo had betrayed and abandoned his family for the First Order. She wanted to know where he’d gotten the idea that killing his father would free him. She wanted to know why he still had room in his heart to believe in a little stray from Jakku after she’d slashed a scar across his face and lost him an entire arm.

Rey wanted to know everything.

And she guessed, now that she was here, that she just might have the chance to find out.

“Now, may I steal your attention back to the present?” Hux asked, his tone returning to its light, crisp airiness. “These stops are all automated, which means you need to pay attention when you’re riding. On the left, coming up, is a partial Med bay for the command decks, which is where we are right now. It lacks some specific equipment as it’s meant just for higher command and is therefore smaller. Nevertheless, it should suit you fine if you ever get an injury - or if Ren gets particularly brutal in some training session.”

Rey didn’t need to look back at Ren to know his fists were tightening up in anger; she could hear the leather creaking behind her just fine.

“You need a full medical examination, but you can do that on your own time. Nothing out of the ordinary, just bloodwork and the like. I’d prefer you get that out of the way as soon as possible. The end of this line leaves you just above the first set of barracks - which take up most of the lower bulk of the ship, along with everything else. We’re exiting here in order to take the lifts down.”

Rey thought the command deck crossroads had been impressive, but after a trip down what felt like a hundred flights of barrack floors at a dizzying speed, the lift opened to expose her to an even more impressive, yawning expanse. The long distance stretched out for what felt like miles, and she couldn’t even see the end of it. She imagined just how many floors of barracks were now pressing down above her head, and how many people filled that absurd number of bunks.

Then her mind wandered to the thought of how that number, as unbelievable as it was, must be a pittance compared to how many had lived on Starkiller base when it was destroyed. And lastly, her mind fought to compare that number to the greater sum that must have been the death toll of the Hosnian System, in a dizzying reminder of the unthinkable loss this war had already taken for its toll.

Her head swam for a moment, her eyes closed, and a hand rested on the small of her back to steady her as she stumbled roughly forward. She was being held up, her weight constantly shifting in need of the support Kylo’s touch and frame were giving her.

“What is it?” Hux asked, the alarm in his voice almost painful.

“Too many people.” Kylo answered for her, though she knew that his words meant something completely different to Hux than their real meaning hid. 

He was right.

Too many people.

And it was her job to make sure that never, ever happened again.

“Shall we cut the tour short then? I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.” Hux’s hands were there to support her now, until the warmth of two men surrounding her with hesitant embraces began to seep comfortably into her bones. She steeled herself using that comfort, sucking in a deep breath through her nose and shaking her head.

“I’m fine.” She promised them, but her words did nothing to ease either man. “Let’s continue.”

She wasn’t fine. And Kylo knew why. When her eyes finally opened again, they lifted to his, and she saw too much behind the shallow mask of worry in his expression. She saw guilt, and hate, and desperation. She saw a tiny spark of hope, and a man who was very adamantly trying to snuff it out.

Despite his best efforts, Rey saw it there, stubborn and pure. 

It was likely his best feature.

“If you’re sure.” Hux murmured, releasing his hold on her and wrapping her hand back around his arm once more. Kylo refused to release her until they exited the hallway and entered a series of what looked like cafeterias, except that there were so many of them lined up one against the other, all the way across the ship until she couldn’t see them anymore.

She wondered how the First Order managed to feed as many mouths as they employed.

“The galley is staffed 24 hours a day, since our soldiers work on shifts, so there is always a hefty group of customers around at any point in time.”

“Where does all the food come from?” Rey asked, her stomach grumbling painfully. She hadn’t eaten in far too long, and her body had already begun to get used to the idea of normal, timely meals.

“Most of it is shipped, but we have sustained growth here, one floor below the recreation decks. Those are directly below us; they house training sims, a briefing complex, and recreational activities. In fact, the growth tanks were the last stop on our tour, one I’d hoped to get to show you. Come.”

There was a tiny part of her that felt relief once they entered another lift and escaped the masses of Stormtroopers that were filling those benches, with their helmets off and their individual faces exposed. It had been easier to shoot and kill them when she imagined they were all just automatons, and not real people. 

As the door to the lift closed, one Stormtrooper lifted her head and stared directly at Rey, peering with a curiosity that chilled Rey down to her soul.

When the lift bypassed the recreation and training floor, Rey almost asked Hux to stop so she could look around. She held her tongue, deciding at the last minute that she’d rather wander through their training courses without supervision, in case there was anything she could get her own hands into. They left the lift on the greenhouse floor instead, and a gust of warm, wet air had Rey’s skin sticky with sweat within minutes. She couldn’t care less about the feeling; she couldn’t even think about her previous plans to sneak back into the training floor once she entered the greenhouse, and started walking through the mile long floors of closed off greenery. There were fruit trees of every shape and size, all growing in their own little pens, like absurd, gigantic versions of the little glass dome Hux had given her the day he’d found her plant. 

She slipped her hand away from Hux’s arm, and her footsteps quickened as she lost herself in all the lush, organized greenery.

“Well.” Hux murmured, stopping beside Kylo as they let the girl wander on her own. “I think we’ve lost her.”

“She’s not used to this much life.” Kylo explained even as his eyes remained firmly focused on her dwindling form. “It pulses from everything around us. It’s intoxicating. She’s going to want to be in here for a very long time.”

Hux lifted his gaze up to look at Ren, and the expression of satisfaction he’d been wearing slowly began to drift away. “Ah.” Hux breathed out quietly. “Something to do with the Force, I take it.”

The tight catch in Hux’s voice managed to tear Ren away from watching Rey, and he turned his head fully towards the Admiral. He took a few seconds just to stare, as he caught the slight hints of jealousy barely breaking off of Hux’s firmly controlled emotions. He reached out, brushing his hands across the hair just above Hux’s ear.

“I don’t need your pity, Ren.” Hux muttered out under his breath, though he made no move to stop the man from brushing careful fingers against the fine hairs of his bare neck.

“It’s not pity, and you know it.” Something sharp cut through every word Kylo spoke, demanding they be taken seriously. The effort succeeded, though it would have been difficult for anyone but Kylo to know just how much. Hux’s head leaned imperceptibly into his hand. Kylo felt a sharp, needy pang of hunger making his heart race, and knew the feeling wasn’t his own. 

“This entire situation has gotten wildly out of control.” Hux breathed out, his voice cracked with something quietly desperate. “For all of us.”

Kylo leaned in and set his forehead against the side of Hux’s head, whispering his agreement into the Admiral’s ear with a long sigh. “You’re right.” He admitted, closing his eyes. “But I was never very good at control.”

Before Hux could gather his senses, Kylo’s eyes opened and he pulled away. He was looking far down the aisle, where the slightest stir of brown and grey indicated that Rey was finally coming back to them, her arms filled with color. She’d picked food, but she hadn’t eaten any of them because she recognized none. When she reached them both, she held her arms up and stared imploringly up at the Admiral. “Are these safe to eat?” She asked, whining in desperation.

Hux blinked the glaze out of his eyes and checked her bounty, nodding his approval. “Safe, but you won’t like some of them. These aren’t meant to be eaten raw,” He pointed out as he held up an oval yellow fruit. “But they’re all safe. We could have gotten you something upstairs if you were that hungry, Rey.” He reminded her, walking forward to a specific section of the greenhouse with her and her filled arms in tow. 

Kylo plucked a Manta pear out from her arms and almost made her drop the entire bounty in protest, angry that she couldn’t eat as easily. 

“This is what I wanted to show you, before we head back.” Hux announced, as they arrived at a large, closed off section. He opened the door to let her inside, blasting her with an unexpected flow of cold air. The room was many, many degrees cooler than the rest of the greenhouse, and she set all of her fruit down on the ground to free her arms enough to wrap around herself. She picked out one of the same pears Kylo had taken, and when she bit into it, she knew why he’d stolen one. 

The sound she made was nearly obscene, and Kylo almost dropped his half-eaten pear in response.

The glassed up area itself was one of the few that had nothing growing in it, just a giant square of untouched dirt waiting to be planted. She chewed on the pear and peered down into the empty soil with a dubious glare.

“You wanted to show me dirt?” She snickered, oblivious to the implication of the empty, cold greenhouse. Before she realized he was behind her, Hux had already unlatched his cape from around his shoulders, and was wrapping it around her huddled form. His arms remained there where he settled them, holding her gently from behind.

“I’m showing you _your_ dirt.” He amended, evoking a startled jolt from the girl in his arms. “This is your greenhouse. For the plant you brought aboard my ship, and anything else you feel like growing. I had it cleared out and prepared for you last night.”

Suddenly, even the dirt itself looked different to her. She imagined all the different things that could potentially burst out from it. Trees. Bushes. Flowers. Vines. Long, stringy tendrils of plants with big leaves and colorful little berries on them. She imagined them all, and her fingers twitched to get started immediately.

Instead, they reached down, dropping the pear and digging her hands deep into the soil just to feel its potential.

Hux immediately regretted giving her his cape.

“I take that to mean you like it?” He sniffed out, trying not to express his discomfort as he imagined her hands clinging to his cape.

“Like it?” Her words came out like laughter, bubbling out too fast to catch. “I LOVE it!” She was already turning around, her arms reaching out for him, but his hands were quicker than hers. They caught her by the wrists, holding her just seconds from draping around his body, and he gave her a quick smirk.

“Hold that thought.” Hux begged, bending down to press his nose against hers. “Thank you hugs come after you wash your hands. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Her hands sunk down to her sides, and she grinned up at him, nose to nose, and crossed her eyes. “Thank you, Hux.”

Every second that passed this close to her made it harder to pull away. Eventually, when he did, it felt like ripping off adhesive, but he managed. He unlatched his cape from around her shoulders, and returned it to his own. When he turned, Kylo was in mid-bite, using the fruit in a vain attempt to keep from smiling. From what Hux could see, that attempt was an utter failure.

“Oh, shut up.” Hux barked out at him, leaving the glass dome to head back outside. Kylo snorted into his pear, enjoying the moment for as long as he could until the feel of Rey’s hands wiping dirt off on his cowl ruined it all.

“ _Hey._ ” He snapped out at her, as she bent down to gather all that she’d scavenged from the greenhouse. When she stood up again, she gave him the cheekiest grin he’d ever seen from her, and he almost threw his pear at her head in reply.

She left the dome unscathed, but not entirely unchanged. In truth, that fate had managed to elude them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy so hey. So yeah that was the longest wait to get a chapter out that I ever managed. I would apologize a million times but most of you know that I had a hell of a month with the kidney stone and surprise LA trip to AX and then things just got really.. blocked. But I barged through that writing block and forced a bunch of my good friends to yell at me tonight until I finished this and LO AND BEHOLD.
> 
> So hanyway, no more waiting this long for chapters unless emergencies pop up again, which they don't often do.
> 
> On the plus side I feel really rested up in terms of writing so hopefully that translates well to story telling. So to any of you who are reading this, who are still with me even when I peaced out for a minute there, I just wanna say you mean the world to me, I really don't deserve you, but man am I glad you're still here.
> 
> THANKS GUYS!
> 
> In less crappy news I'm seeing some progress here. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'm fooling myself. 50 chapters of UST or bust.
> 
> (Not really.)
> 
> (I think.)
> 
> (PS I LOVE SHEILA AND BRITA THAT IS ALL CARRY ON)


	28. Chapter 28

Inside the glass dome, the air is different. Rey noticed it the first time she was brought there, but she was too distracted to worry about it then. She noticed it again now, as her heavily gloved fingers pushed deep into the soil of one of the square pods to make a safe spot for her plant. It wasn’t hard to figure out why; the air was being piped in from filtered grates on the tiled floor, and it tasted stale and synthetic to her. The air cycle of this dome was self-perpetuating, cycling back through enriching filters until it was breathable again. There was no connection to the air outside, save for what little escaped when she opened the glass door and pushed away the plastic curtain. As she molded her hands into the ground and relished the feel of soft earth moving under the pressure of her hands, she slowly began to realize why the precaution had been taken - it was the same reason her entire body was covered in a skin tight protective suit, impervious to organic matter. The same reason her small hands were swimming in thick gloves that looked comically oversized.

Her pretty little plant was deadly, and though there was no proof that it released any airborne toxins, the Admiral was being extra cautious of such a dangerous life form on his ship. He’d given Rey so much, by allowing her this little piece of the Finalizer that she could call her very own. But his gift, the world she now possessed, was securely locked away in a glass dome and separated from everything around it.

Her hands stilled as she dropped the plant into the hole she’d carved out for it, just to give herself a chance to process that.

The bulbs of tiny flowers that craned upward from the plant seemed wilted, and dry. She knew it wouldn’t have survived much longer in that cramped space, and transplanting it here was its only hope.

But for how long?

It might grow indefinitely, now that the harsh climate of its past was no longer a factor. Now that the plant had the room, the resources, and no predators left to tear it apart, how long would it be until her little dome was filled with nothing but poison again?

Rey laughed; and it felt good to laugh in that sealed, solid space, where no one could hear it. She laughed again, and felt the oppression of her voice being muffled by the lack of space. She laughed, because she was being over-dramatic and she knew it. It was easy enough to trim a plant and keep it manageable. All her whims managed to do was to conjure up the thought of a giant monstrous weed, suitable for nothing more than perhaps climbing up, and out.

It would make a nice children’s story, she thought.

After the plant was securely planted and watered, Rey realized she had nothing left to plant in her pods yet. She knew she could always pluck a cored fruit off of the plants in the main tanks, but she wanted her small piece of the ship to grow things that meant something to her. They would have to wait until she found something special before her garden really took flight.

She pulled off her gloves and placed them in the sanitation sink, before walking out of her dome and heading back to the storage room that held her clothes in order to change.

The plant had been her first priority; but now that it was taken care of, Rey had the chance to explore the parts of the ship that had already caught her interest.

The training areas were her first stop, after a short lift ride carried her down into the bowels of the ship. There were training arenas filled with helmeted troopers performing drills and practicing on one another, but these held no interest for Rey, so she moved quickly and quietly past each of the glass observation windows that bore down on them all. Even when she kept her eyes averted, she could hear the grunts and cries of soldiers preparing for battle; and the longer she could hear them, the more agitated she became. They were a very poignant reminder of what those soldiers were training for, and how skilled they were at their job.

By the time she reached the end of the platform, she could barely stop herself from slamming into the door before it could hiss open, and she realized she’d started to jog unintentionally. Her hands pressed against the door to stop herself, and then stumbled past it when it opened up in front of her.

These training rooms were quieter, filled the the buzzing of electricity and machinery at work. She felt instantly relieved, breathing in a deep sigh while the sound of technology buried itself down into her to fortify her strength. This was the area she’d been looking for, the one that had sparked her curiosity from the moment she’d first laid eyes on it.

Aerial skirmish simulations. TIE fighter simulations. Capsules swerving and swinging with unseen pilots working inside of them to achieve whatever objectives they were given. These were nothing like the single screen display she’d rigged in her AT-AT, with nothing but a joystick and a control panel to work her hands on. These were 360 degree simulators that promised more than just the visual experience. They tested quick thinking, dangerous circumstances, immersive sensory input, and constant distraction.

She wanted in one. Very, very badly.

Sliding from glass panel to panel, she searched in the hopes of finding an unused cockpit, but she realized quickly that these sessions were probably timed and scheduled on strict, enforced timetables. If she’d wanted in one, it might have been in her best interests just to ask Hux to-

No. She stopped as soon as his name drifted into her thoughts, and stared down with unseeing eyes as she worked to convince herself to stop relying on him. He spoiled her rotten, and she was beginning to suspect that he wanted something in return from her, eventually. Her best guess led her to believe he was hoping for personal bias during negotiation, which she already knew she was in danger of giving.

He’d been her enemy, once. Even if she tried to convince herself that he still was, she’d come to terms with how pathetically that would now fail. She wanted to trust those men too much, but they hadn’t earned that trust yet.

And she was long past frightening herself with the idea that she wanted to trust them at all.

Her thoughts were so far from her current location that she failed to hear very quiet footsteps clopping down the platform, stopping behind her, and falling silent. She failed to see the reflection of a man over her shoulder in the glass, with his head tilted as he watched her pressing both hands against it. When he spoke, his proximity came as a genuine surprise, forcing a broken scream out of her.

She turned around, and rubbed her hand against her beating heart as she stared up into General Mitaka’s wide eyed face.

“I am _so sorry_.” Mitaka’s pleading voice instantly soothed her, and simultaneously welled guilt up deep within her. He had flinched when she whirled on him, and now he looked like he was trying to curl up into himself and disappear. Everything about the man screamed gentle; a stark contrast to the men in white, clashing against one another in the training arenas.

“Don’t be.” Rey assured him. “You just startled me, that’s all. I wasn’t really paying attention and - well. It’s all right.” She could tell her words weren’t comforting him much. ““I’m honestly grateful to see you. Please believe that.”

He seemed to retain a meager amount of satisfaction from her sincerity, enough to return the stiffness to his back and the wavering smile to his lips. “Why would you be grateful to see me?”

It was a good question, and Rey should have expected it after being so emphatic about her gratitude, but she couldn’t very well explain to him that she needed the company of someone other than Hux or Kylo or the hundreds of Stormtroopers behind them. She knew there was an insult in those words that only Mitaka would hurt from, no matter how well intentioned it might have been from her.

He _wanted_ to be on par with these people. She knew there was no part of him that would have appreciated the distinction. So she stumbled, and awkwardly made something up.

“I’m curious about the simulator.” Even if her delivery was awkward, it was actually true. “But I take it they’re booked for use all day. Do you know where I can sign up for some time with one?”

Hesitation flickered across his face. Rey had no clearance yet - and if she turned out to be a traitor after all this time, Mitaka’s help would have gotten her vital information on the First Orders training programs. He’d be fired for sure - right out of an airlock.

“You don’t need to sign up, ah, I can get you some time, but would you mind terribly if I request clearance from the Admiral first? It isn’t that I don’t trust you, please don’t think that!” He flustered, suddenly embarrassed enough to flush red against his pale cheeks. “I just want to make every effort to be clear with him about - about - you know. _You._ ”

Without meaning to, just the inflection of the word _you_ made both of them burst out with snickers that fed into one other until they were purposefully trying to suppress their amusement in order to continue.

“I don’t mind. Go on. And, um, Mitaka?”

He’d already half turned before the sound of his name stopped him.

“Thank you.”

He turned back towards her, his nose crinkled with confusion. “For this? This is nothing. I’m a General now.” He leaned in and whispered with a hand beside his mouth, as if this was a secret that the walls could not be privy to. “They don’t give me enough to do around here, anyway. You’re doing me a favor.”

He turned to leave her alone, barely making it out of earshot before his datapad was on and he was calling Admiral Hux on it. She turned back to watching the simulator shimmy and flip, suddenly anxious to have her own go at it. Her attention shifted to the way the pod was tilting, and she imagined all kinds of scenarios that would require the maneuvers they were performing. Suddenly, and without warning, she realized that the simulations were all likely programmed to fight Resistance ships. She’d be tasked with shooting down X-Wings like flies.

Her impatience to test out the simulator began to bleed away, leaving an emptiness and a knot in her stomach.

“Rey?” Mitaka was still a few feet away, clearly trying to get her attention without startling her the way he had the first time. She turned to look at him, and paled at the cheerful smile on his face. “The Admiral has cleared me to give you full use of the facilities. I offered to put us in one of the SF Ties so that I could keep an eye on you but - “ His smile turned sheepish. “My concern was unwarranted. You can go it alone. I’ve been given some specialized options for the simulation, if you’re interested? Admiral Hux seemed wary about the procedure without modifications. I can load them up for you in Pod MK-200, if you want a go at it right now?”

She didn’t argue over modifications. The last thing on her mind was the possibility that Hux had anything to hide. Now, she was offered exactly what she’d wanted, only moments after realizing just how problematic that desire could be. She’d put Mitaka through the trouble of getting clearance, and now Hux knew she was here, too.

She could walk away. Just tell Mitaka that she’d do it some other time, and never call on him for the chance again. It would be easy, and no one would ever have to know why.

She was nodding her head before her brain had completely decided to stick with it, and only once she was climbing into the small, round, wingless cockpit of the flight simulator did her excitement finally rise up in her once more.

The First Order model TIE fighter had several smaller changes to the control panel, and she acquainted herself with every flip and switch while Mitaka disappeared into a control room to load up her modified program. Her small form fit too loosely in the straps meant for a fully armored individual, so she adjusted the seat as high and close as it could go before reaching for an old helmet whose visors were attached to the sim structure. She plopped it on her head and it came to life, giving her a tinted view of the controls around her along with a dozen new specs and details to help her along the way.

She could even see her own heartbeat after a moment, flashing on the tiniest corner of the visors screen.

Mitaka returned to the open pod, and peeked his head in to tell her that her program was loaded. When he saw the girl sitting there, her slender form wearing a helmet far too big for her shoulders, a choked laugh escaped him instead.

She turned around and quirked her head, which just made the helmet bobble comically and had Mitaka in stitches.

“What?” Her voice wasn’t modified by the helmet, but it was muffled and echoed within, so she pulled it off to stare at him. “What?” She repeated, but the only response she got was him flailing as he sobered himself up. 

“Nothing, sorry. The sim’s up, it’s ready when you are, just - ah - “ She’d put the helmet back on, and he grinned at the back of her turned head, trying his best not to laugh again. “Start it up at your leisure.” His hands were on the cockpit door, sealing the tiny space shut before the sight of her could set him off again. 

She waited a few seconds before pressing her hands against the control panel and bringing it all to life, then went through the step by step checklist process the simulation ran her through. It took quite a few minutes before it even let her try to take off, but once the little pod lifted up and started shaking underneath her, she forgot her worries completely.

And when her mission parameters began to scroll through the visor screen, along with visuals on her targets, she realized that she had nothing to worry about. Without a single word of caution, Hux had anticipated her problems with the simulator. Rey was targeting rogue pirate ships and vulture droids while dodging explosives in a mine field, leaving her free to immerse herself in the virtual exercise without an attack of guilt. He knew she’d see Finn in one of those ships.

He was always one step ahead.

No, she decided as she finished off a particularly thrilling barrel roll. He wasn’t just one step ahead. He cared.

It was easy to convince herself in that adrenaline fueled moment of joy that the men who watched over her so carefully on this ship were doing so because they cared about her well being. It was easy to believe that she had friends, here. Not enemies. Not colleagues. Friends. Even Mitaka, with his hesitant smiles and nervous laughter. Even here, in the midst of all this preparation for war. She could find people who cared about her here, too. It wasn’t that improbable after all.

At least, not while she was flying.

The simulation lasted an entire hour, and by the end of it Rey’s hair had shaken it’s lowest bun out and stuck to her face around the edges. She pulled the helmet off and climbed out of the cockpit, whooping with delight.

“That was _fantastic!_ ” She called out to Mitaka the moment the door to the simulation room opened to reveal him there. “Have you ever tried one of these?”

He nodded, reaching up to help her climb out of the pod and settle back on hard ground. “Basic piloting skills are standard issue training. I watched your performance. You’re quite good behind the stick, I must say. I’d hire you in a heartbeat if it were up to me.”

Even if she didn’t like the idea of working for the First Order, it felt _so_ good to hear that praise and know that she was good enough to warrant a job like that.

“Well it’s not up to you.” She chided, poking him in the side. “But I wouldn’t mind a few more turns in there every so often, if you can manage it.”

“I’m sure I can.” Mitaka promised her, as they exited the sim room together. The sounds of sparring returned, but she was relieved to notice that they didn’t bother her quite as much anymore. Mitaka stopped her once or twice, just to point out the facilities available should she ever want to train, and even named some of the officers in charge of running them as they passed. 

He sounded so proud.

“Have you eaten?” He asked her, as he called down for the lift. “I’m off to the galley to put in a few personal requests, the staff are more favorable when you come down in person. I’d be happy for some company. If - you’re not otherwise occupied, that is.”

“I haven’t, and I’d like that.” In truth, the cafeteria levels were the ones she’d dreaded exploring the most; and her meals had been delivered without request for what little time she’d been here. Choosing to eat while surrounded by that many Stormtroopers and First Order officers would have made her lose her appetite, if she’d attempted it alone; but with Mitaka there, it felt nice to be able to take control of her own meals again. At least now, she’d get to choose for herself.

When they arrived, however, she became quickly acclimated with the lesser quality of food offered in mass quantity. Hux’s clever choices for her meals hadn’t been wild guesses - he always seemed to know her just a little too well.

She picked up a bowl of what looked like red soup, congealed over at the top from sitting out too long. She stared at it for a moment, and wondered just when exactly she’d found the time to become picky over food. She felt spoiled, and immediately put the soup on her tray with fresh determination. A few pieces of bread followed, and she headed straight for the fruit selection when she realized someone other than General Mitaka was quietly following her.

The General was locked in a friendly conversation with one of the galley staff, and in those few moments Rey had managed to catch the attention of a stranger. She picked up a peach and placed it on her tray, while her eyes carefully flickered to the side to get a look at them. It was a helmeted Stormtrooper, which tensed all of her muscles until they felt like tight coils ready to spring.

She moved on to another section, and after a beat, the Stormtrooper followed. She turned around and returned to the fruits section, leaving them standing there in confusion for a moment, before they put their tray down beside her and tapped her on the shoulder.

It was enough to set her off, whirling her around in a defensive stance that rattled her tray and spilled some of her soup off the edges. Both of the Stormtrooper’s hands were up in the air instantly, which was the only thing that saved him from getting knocked to the ground. 

“Sorry!” The trooper cried out, while simultaneously Rey barked out an order for him to tell her what he wanted. His hands moved to his helmet, pulling it off of his head as though it were some universal sign of peace.

It wasn’t. Not for her, anyway.

“I saw you when you came in.” He admitted, his light brown skin burning red around the cheeks with embarrassment. “With General Mitaka. But you’re wearing off-duty fatigues, and no rank indicator, and I was curious. I mean we were. See, over there.” Rey straightened up as he pointed out a table not too far from where they stood, filled with a handful of Stormtroopers eating their meal together. Two of them waved, but the rest seemed embarrassed to have been pointed out.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. You can come sit with us, if you like.”

She’d never been invited to a group like that, and it soured her stomach to think that the first time someone thought her interesting enough to pull into their gathering had to be with Stormtroopers. They looked friendly, harmless, and each one of their faces were different. Each one of their expressions exposed their unique reactions. Curiosity. Interest. Shyness. Hesitance. Excitement. 

The soup would have to go to waste. She’d completely lost her appetite.

“Ah Rey, thought I’d lost you.” Mitaka sounded just slightly more formal when he spoke in the midst of his soldiers, and she could hear the echo of crispness in his fervent attempts to sound just as powerful as Hux always did. She turned to shake her head, but his eyes were on the Stormtrooper, who had already snapped to attention in the presence of his superior.

“At ease.” Mitaka assured the man, before setting his hand on Rey’s elbow. “Did you want me to get that tray for you?” He asked, nodding towards the spilled soup and now soggy bread. She shook her head, and opened her mouth to explain that she was no longer hungry, when she realized the Stormtrooper who’d tried to reach out to her was already gone. Mitaka’s attentions had scared him off, and she caught sight of him just in time to see him sit back down beside his colleagues, and earn a round of ribbing, pats, and laughter.

He met her eyes, and offered her one last, sheepish smile before returning to his meal. 

It was a smile that reminded her, with a crippling heartache, of Finn. She imagined him sitting beside those other men and women, clad in white plastisteel, smiling brilliantly-

 _”Finn!”_ She cried out, garnering quite a few startled looks around her as she turned back to Mitaka. “No time to eat. I’ve got to get back up and speak to Hux. I can’t believe I’d almost forgotten - I told him I’d contact him as soon as I was on the ship!”

She was rambling, and Mitaka had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but he flawlessly managed not to let his ignorance give him away. “Of course, of course. I believe he’s in his rooms - at least that’s where he was when I spoke to him last. Do you need me to - “ He was preparing to offer to help show her the way back, but Rey had already started to leave, breaking into a run right after waving his offer off.

“I’ll be fine! Thank you Mitaka!” She cried out as she disappeared back towards the lifts.

Mitaka’s face flushed heavily with embarrassment at the informality of her farewell, and he grumbled out a half-hearted _carry on_ under his breath before swiveling on his heel and heading out of the cafeteria.

\---

The promise might have slipped by Rey in the short time she’d been on the Finalizer, but it had never left the back of Hux’s thoughts. She’d gone straight to the control deck once she’d learned of his current whereabouts, and he recognized it in the fierce look burning in her eyes. Before she said a word, he knew why she was here.

He’d been prepared for this moment. All the details were in place, waiting for her to come barging in and call him out. She stopped a foot from him when he pressed a finger to her parting lips, stopping the inhale of breath and keeping her demands silent.

“I know.” He clipped out, leading her into an office off of the deck for privacy. It wasn’t exactly empty; there were two officers working quietly at their own consoles, but it was a great deal more secure than the large open space where the Finalizer’s sizable crew worked together to pilot the ship.

Rey swiveled around once they were inside, intent on getting a word out. That word was his name. “Hux-”

The door hissed open once more, with Kylo lumbering through it quietly. He already looked to be in a foul temper, which Rey could feel rolling off of him like dry heat. She clamped her mouth shut again, and followed him with her eyes until he took a spot on the other side of the room, folded his arms, and rested back on the edge of a console. He was several feet away from them, without having said a word.

But his eyes were on her, strangely expectant.

“This console’s frequency is being scrambled every fifth of a second by Lieutenant Chase and Lieutenant Farrah.” Hux informed her, breaking her gaze with Kylo. “It’s as safe for them as it is for us. And right now, it’s all yours.”

He gestured to the seat in front of the communications console, and she stared at it for a few long seconds before breaking out into a brilliant grin. She threw herself at him, her head slamming into the stiff fabric of his jacket before the rest of her managed to worm its way around him. She’d hit hard enough to bend him, hunched over until she all but disappeared into the swish of his cloak.

He was less hesitant about returning the favor, this time; but she was too quick to appreciate the way his arms were rising, reaching for her waist to pull her closer. She was out of his embrace before she’d ever felt it, sliding into the seat and inputting the security code to send out her signal. Hux straightened before anyone could notice, setting his hand on the back of her chair and the other behind his back. His entire body exuded professionalism. The noisy snort of air that escaped Kylo reminded Hux that not everyone was that easy to convince.

“How long do you think it’ll take before they respond?” Rey asked him, turning her hopeful eyes back up to him. He was loathe to disappoint an expression so pure.

“Patience.” He told her instead, moving his hand from the back of the chair to her shoulder. “Do you even know what you’ll be saying, yet?”

His question startled her with the realization that no, she actually had _no_ idea what she was going to say, beyond the very basics. She hadn’t thought past _hi_. And there was so, so much more she needed to speak to them about than just a _hi_.

Her eyes fell, and then snapped back up to meet his. “Will you be here the whole time?” She asked.

Hux couldn’t tell if that was hope or dread in her shaky voice, and immediately prepared for the latter. “Only if you want me to be. If you desire some privacy-”

“No.” Her interruption was a little too quick to be anything but desperation. She pulled back, but it was too late; Hux could tell there was a nervous energy building within her. “No.” She repeated, patting the hand on her shoulder and turning back to the empty, beeping screen.

He leaned in, and whispered quietly in her ear. “You don’t need to say or do anything. This isn’t the last time you’ll get to speak to them.” One side of his lips turned up as he turned to face her, offering her a strangely comforting smile. “Just relax.”

And she did. For all of three seconds. Then the screen blared with light as a visual connection was established, and her entire body froze up with tension. Why was she still so nervous about this? Hux’s words should have been enough to relieve her of her anxiety and allow her to enjoy this moment. She should have smiled more when Finn’s face filled the screen, sitting inches too close as if he was trying to climb his way through it. She should have laughed when she saw another man’s hands pulling him back into his seat with a hard thump, and smile at her as if he’d known her his entire life.

She should have let go of Hux’s hand, instead of gripping it tighter on her shoulder. At least he’d had the common sense to straighten up before the link was established, leaving him visible as nothing but a stark white background in the monitor on the other side.

“Finn!” She cried out, her voice shaky but eager. She pressed her hand against the screen, her fingers splayed out against where his expression transformed from confusion to relief. Behind him was the man who’d pulled him back from the monitor, and an older woman she’d never seen before. There was a pull, a feeling as if she should know her, and a simultaneous push coming from the connection that hung taut between her and Kylo. She flickered her gaze at him and knew, without asking, who she was - and why Kylo was refusing to come near the monitor, despite being there for the call.

Rey’s heart dropped like a stone.

“Are you alright? Did they hurt you?” Finn was still talking, babbling questions quicker than she had the focus to answer them. She tried to close herself off to everything but the faces on the screen, all of them peering at her with varying degrees of worry. To someone else, it might have felt frustrating. 

But to Rey, so unused to seeing people care about her well-being, it was a welcome sight. She relished in their concern, but not enough to keep from relieving it. “I’m fine, Finn. More than fine. I’m very well taken care of. I told you, you had nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, right.” Finn snorted out, his eyes rolling over-dramatically. “No big deal, just kidnapped by the First Order-”

“Not kidnapped-”

“-taken to their ship-”

“Finn-”

“And forced to say things like _oh, I’m well taken care of, they even feed me Finn! And sometimes I get to go for walks! I’m so lucky!_ ” The last he’d said in a high-pitched voice, with a terrible rendition of Rey’s accent attempting to be replicated in his tone. 

She interrupted him one final time by yelling, at the top of her lungs. “FINN.”

When dead air met her, she could see in his expression that he was still not convinced of her enduring free will. His brow was furrowed deeply, and his eyes kept flickering from her, to the hand on her shoulder, and back again. When she twitched her head towards the hand in response, it disappeared, and Finn folded his arms as if he’d heroically won an argument.

“Rey, I’m General Leia Organa of the Resistance.” Finn’s silence had given the older woman a chance to jump in and speak. “Finn here has told me all about you. We owe you a great deal, and we’d _like_ to help you any way we can. _Is_ there anything we can help with?”

Her offer was a little more subtle than Finn’s open outrage, but Rey knew that even General Organa was trying to get her to admit she was being held captive. She bit her bottom lip, and smiled.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, General Organa.” Just the sound of that name falling from her lips had a spike of agony sizzling through the bond with the man across the room, forcing her to wince before the smile returned. “I can promise you, I’m not being held against my own will. If I requested it, I would be given a ship to return to Neutral territory just the same way Finn was, when they let _him_ go.” Her last sentence was more of a biting remark towards Finn’s behavior than an explanation of something she knew General Organa had already likely been briefed on. She punctuated it with one last scathing look at her friend, before returning her attentions to the General. “I’m here for diplomatic reasons. Peaceful ones, if you can believe it.”

“I can’t.” General Organa deadpanned beautifully, with a dry wit that startled Rey into a brighter, genuine smile. 

“Well,” Rey continued, trying not to laugh through her words. “I hope that in the coming days I can change your mind about that. All I care about right now is an end to the slaughter. There’s been enough death for one war; don’t you think?”

With a handful of words, Rey had silenced General Organa and her skepticism. The older woman was mulling it over, but Rey knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Still, if she could convince the General to work with her, perhaps a solution would eventually-

“Where is my son?”

Rey’s heart thudded painfully, hammering in quick time that echoed the pain of another.

“I’m sorry?” Rey tried to feign obliviousness. By the look on General Organa’s face, she failed. Spectacularly. She was so terrible at lies.

“Is he in the room with you? I’d like to speak with him.”

There was little sense in hiding the truth of the matter; both Rey and Hux turned to look up at Kylo, who’d gone rigid as a board, but otherwise refused to express his emotions. These were emotions Rey was already receiving, as they rolled over her in agonizing waves that didn’t seem to wane.

He shook his head, just once. No.

“I don’t think that’s going to be possible, General Organa. Besides, I’m here because it would be better if the negotiations went through someone who isn’t in the First Order. To keep things civil.”

“Civil. Right.” Rey didn’t mean to like the way General Organa’s voice had a rugged, snappy undertone. There was nothing overbearing or high-handed about the way she spoke. There was history in her voice, and Rey heard the sadness just as well as she heard the joy. “I’m not asking for him to be a part of the negotiations. I’m asking to _talk_ to him.”

Rey hadn’t foreseen this situation, and she looked up at Hux for guidance. The Admiral put his hand on her shoulder again, and then bent in to expose himself on the screen.

“Greetings, General Organa. Forgive this interruption. My name is Admiral A. Hux of the First Order-”

“I know who you are.” General Organa cut him off with a sharp wave of her hand.

“Right.” Hux huffed out tightly, disgruntled by the impertinence. “Then you’ll understand when I tell you that Commander Ren is not available, nor does he wish to be a part of these proceedings. This offer for negotiations is an olive branch being extended to you by myself, and Rey here, alone. The Commander’s relationship with your majesty,” Rey heard the sneer in Hux’s voice, and wanted to elbow him in the stomach for it. “Really has nothing to do with these proceedings.”

“These _proceedings_ end here if you don’t produce my son on this screen, right now.” General Organa was putting down an ultimatum within minutes of discussion, and Rey’s blood chilled at just how ruthless and commanding the woman could be. She’d always thought Hux was going to be the difficult one when they sat down to negotiate; but in the span of this short conversation, she was proved entirely wrong.

“I should remind you, General, that you’re hinging an entire galaxy’s future and the possible peace these deliberations could bring, on your own familial drama. I would say I’m surprised, but given the Skywalker’s ancestral history-”

 _”Hux.”_ Kylo’s voice boomed out from across the room, filled with an ill-tempered loathing that stood just shy of outrage. His roar was loud enough to silence the conversation - and loud enough to be heard by the trio on the screen. Before the outcry stopped her, Leia’s fingers had looked ready to disconnect the signal with an anger that caught Rey by surprise. It wasn’t that General Organa didn’t seem the type to get angry that surprised her, however; it was the way her eyes tightened around the edges, and her lips pursed full as they shivered with the threat of shouting.

 _Oh_ , Rey mused to herself. _So that’s where he gets it from._

But Kylo’s voice had changed something in General Organa’s tight position. The sound of it seemed to have punctured something vital in the woman, forcing her to back up a step. 

Rey bit her lower lip when she realized that this was the first time Leia had heard her son’s voice in a very long time. Did he even sound the same? Was he a man, when he left? Would she even recognize her own son now?

 _What a silly question_ , Rey scolded herself. _A mother would always know._

Her hands drifted back to press her fingers against the curve of her hairbuns thoughtlessly as the silence waned on.

“General Organa?” The third person, a man Rey hadn’t been introduced to yet, laid a hand on Leia and tried to turn her towards him. “You all right?”

General Organa’s eyes seemed keen on searching Rey for something that she was sure wasn’t there, before they returned to Admiral Hux and searched there too.

“General Organa?” The man repeated, gently tugging on the woman’s arm. 

Leia turned to give him a gentle nod, before brushing him away. When she returned to the screen, her expression had calmed back into that wry, but tired woman from the beginning. “Rey, figure out details for an initial meeting, and get them back to Finn. He’ll report directly to me. And stay in constant contact, is that clear? I want to know you’re always there until we’ve got something sorted out.”

And just like that, plans were in motion.

“Yes, General.” Rey promised, smiling hopefully at the older woman. She was rewarded with a sad, heartbreaking frown.

“Be safe.”

Leia moved away from the comm system after issuing those final words, and Rey wondered idly if they were really only meant for her, or if Leia was inadvertently trying to reach out to someone else who could hear her, too.

Finn and the other man were left alone with her, and Hux straightened and walked away from the screen. She watched him walk towards Kylo for a moment, before turning back to Finn with a sheepish smile.

“Not as easy as it looked.” She told him, clear sarcasm audible in her voice. Then she breathed out a sigh, and her expression transformed with fondness. “Stars, it’s good to see you again Finn.”

The console’s screen was monotone, devoid of any color; Rey would never catch the flush of dark red coloring his cheeks. He turned, looking for a distraction, and realized the other man was still beside him, waiting patiently.

“Oh. Damn! Rey, I forgot - this is Poe, he’s the guy who got me on Jakku, the pilot. BB-8’s his. He’s alive!”

“Took you long enough, buddy.” Poe teased him, before giving Rey a charming smile. “Poe Dameron. I’ve heard _a lot_ about you, Rey. It’s real nice to finally put a face to all those compliments. At least now I know this guy wasn’t exaggerating.”

She didn’t quite hear the rest of their conversation, because Finn managed to knock the console when he tackled Poe to the ground, and their muffled shouts and laughter were unintelligible.

Besides, Rey’s attention had already been stolen; by the hiss of the door, and the stomp of familiar boots as Kylo rushed out of the room, followed by a flash of white. Hux turned to give her one last look, but the tense expression on his face betrayed just how badly that conversation between them had just gone.

If there was one thing Rey had gleaned from the day’s events, it was that her new priorities towards Kylo had taken a severe shift upward that day. She’d hesitated long enough.

She was going to get Kylo Ren to open up to her about everything, even if it killed her.

And it probably would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have guessed, this chapter took a little longer (but not nearly as much as last time) because I was working on that Reylux Fic Exchange fic with my favorite girl Aicosu! But I still managed to sneak this in here and there and then I was like, hey, I should wait a bit and post this later so there isn't a flood of too many reylux things to read at once, and then I waited like 4 hours and was reminded that I have the patience of a puppy with the promise of a treat. SO THAT WENT RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW AND HERE WE ARE!
> 
> Lots of important shit happens in this chapter. Not sexy shit though. I would apologize but lbr anyone who's still reading this waiting for the smut has long since passed on to the abyss and is floating there cursing my name.
> 
> SO INSTEAD I WILL BLESS YOU FANTASTICAL READERS WITH SOME FUCKING AMAZING ART!
> 
> Firsst off, I commissioned this a while back, and holy shit was it worth the wait. Here's [Rey and Hux dancing](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/148015855763/whats-this-one-called-rey-asked-as-the-music) by [Winterofherdiscontent](http://winterofherdiscontent.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. I mean. What the good god, so gorgeous. I knew she was going to take these characters to the next level but my GOD. So enjoy that!
> 
> And secondly, an unbelievably kind person, [thedarkside-and-thelight](http://thedarkside-and-thelight.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, seems to have SNEAKILY COMMISSIONED ART OF MY FIC AS A GIFT. HOW DARE!!! I was really frantic when I first saw it, and even looking at it just now brings me close to tears. I'm so happy to get to share with you all this beautiful image done by the AMAZING [auroralynne](http://auroralynne.tumblr.com/) on tumblr - so please enjoy [Kylo, Rey and Hux: Return to the Finalizer](http://thedarkside-and-thelight.tumblr.com/post/148314073491/this-is-a-commission-done-by-the-wonderful)
> 
> Whew. This has been such a big day, not just for me, but for the Reylux fam in general. After you've finished reading this, make sure you check out the brand new [2016 Reylux Fic Exchange](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/2016%20Reylux%20Fic%20Exchange) fics that were just posted up today, there are six of them (soon to be seven!) and they range from hot smut to unbelievable plot, something for everyone. I LOVE MY FAM AND I LOVE YOU ALL FOR STICKING WITH ME! Thank you guys so much for everything, I don't deserve you!


	29. Chapter 29

She’d already hesitated too long.

The past few days felt like years to Rey, but even when she stretched them out in her thoughts and tried to piece together some sort of timeline, it all sears together in a rush of non-stop motion. She’d had exactly two chances at peaceful moments with her own thoughts, and neither of them had been spared to focus on Kylo. 

Now the plan to enter into peaceful negotiations was underway, and everything that had happened on that planetside base felt like a distant memory. Her training; that dinner; the snow; and Kylo’s uninvited warmth, spreading against her side in an awkward attempt to comfort her during Finn’s departure. She’d been scared that he would change, that day. Now, she was scared of how little she knew of the man she was dealing with in the first place. 

She didn’t know Kylo Ren. Not really. A few stolen moments of uncharacteristic gentleness would never explain away a veritable lifetime of transgression. It would have been easy to dismiss it all if she hadn’t conscripted herself into long term service by his side. Even then, it would have been simpler if he’d shown an inkling of the monster that she’d come to expect. Instead, he retracted all of his claws and kept his teeth carefully hidden behind a mask that wasn’t going to be as easy to break as his first one.

But she’s stubborn. And patient. And it’s finally time to chip away until she finds whatever it is that actually drives him.

So she’s steeled herself. And out of nowhere, she just - asks.

Unsurprisingly, his first response to being asked about his past is a heavy silence, followed by the stomp of departing feet.

“Kylo,” She demanded, hurrying to try and catch up to him. “Kylo, wait.”

Her thoughts betrayed every question on her mind at once, and Kylo had no intention of waiting for that.

She’d seen him less and less after that. A shadow ducking behind corners or a slammed door closed right before hers opens. It doesn’t take long until she gets the hint.

And it hurts.

When she finally asked to see Hux, it was only because she’d grown tired of chasing around a man that acted like a child wearing a monster’s hide. Her pleas came as no surprise to the Admiral, nor did her sudden, direct confrontation when she arrived.

“Why is he _like_ this?” All he’d had to do was open the door, and she’d stepped in uninvited, dropped to sit down on the ground nearby, and set her head in her hands. Hux was caught with his hand on the still-open door, staring over his shoulder at his guest.

After a beat, the door closed and he let the feeling of familiarity settle on his shoulders as comfortably as his cape. It’d been a dangerous choice, once. To become this complacent around her, to find the endearment in every action that otherwise should have disturbed him.

That particular fear had been compartmentalized not so long ago, set in its own cabinet and neatly locked away. Now, when she overstepped her bounds his mind no longer raced to search for some rationalization. This was simply Rey. 

And around her, he was simply Hux.

How morbidly cathartic.

“You’ll have to be more specific, dear.” Hux pointed out, picking the chaise lounge across from her to sit on and settling in. “There are a great many things wrong with Kylo Ren, and I can’t read minds the way you can. What has he done to rouse your ire this time?” 

Before she could answer, he raised his hand up and patted the seat next to him. “You don’t need to sit on the ground in my quarters. I hope you know that.”

Despite his offer, Rey did nothing more than shift herself closer, until her legs were folded up right in front of him, where she could face him while she ranted. “I like it here.” She replied, brushing the offer away with a callous air. She was too focused to worry about etiquette, now. “He was a chore to be around before, but now he’s hiding from me. He’s actually _hiding_ from me, because he knows I want to ask him about his past and he’s just so - so - “ She let out a loud cry of frustration that morphed into a growl. There wasn’t a word foul enough in her vocabulary for Kylo, yet.

“You can’t be surprised.” Hux drawled out, lighting a cigarette from the pack sitting on the corner table beside his lounge and breathing in a deep drag. “Has he ever given you cause to think he _wants_ to discuss his past with you? Surely you’re aware by now that there are some very awkward ties to the Resistance he’d like to forget about - _not_ to discuss at length, or relive through sharing.” 

“Was he ever _in_ the Resistance?” Rey doesn’t deny that Hux is right - she shouldn’t have ever expected anything less from Kylo Ren than total avoidance. Still, stubborn as she was, she refused to admit her mistake and prodded the man in front of her instead, desperate for answers. 

Hux set his cigarette down in a dish and leaned in, settling his arms against his knees. His hands clasped, inches away from her face, and he gave her a slight, careful smile. “That’s _classified_.” He informed her, the humor in his voice evident. If she was going to try and pry information out of him, he wanted her to know the risks he was taking for her. 

When she looked up at him, she saw the warning in his eyes, filtered through the cold, nearly colorless pupils that never managed warmth if they weren’t set on her. When he looked at her like that, it struck her just how young Hux could actually look. This job, this war - all of it was an unflattering countenance on him, but she hadn’t spared a chance to notice until now, in the absence of it.

Still, she got the message.

“Please.” Rey murmured, her voice scratchy and thick. “I need to understand.”

It should have been Ren himself telling her all of this, Hux thought. But it _was_ important. 

Hux had warned the man that he’d placed many hurdles in front of him in order to gain Rey’s trust, and this was a particularly bad one to be failing so miserably at.

Rey clamped down around Hux’s balled up hands, and he chuckled at her impatience.

“Stop fretting. You knew I’d tell you, regardless.” He turned his hands around, and suddenly hers were lost, hidden within his grasp. “In truth, the Resistance didn’t even exist yet. Ren’s indoctrination into the First Order was not so very far from when General Organa began to officially rally her troops. I’m sure there were quieter gatherings before then, but the Resistance as a public, known entity is only a few years old, at best.”

She’d come looking for answers about Kylo, but suddenly Hux had diverted her interests to the Resistance itself, enthralling her with every new detail. “I thought - I suppose in my head, the Resistance was just always there. So what did General Organa do before she formed it? What did Kylo do?” She couldn’t stop herself once she’d begun to ask questions, interrupting Hux from answering one by asking yet another. “How old is he? I can’t believe I don’t even know that.”

“According to personnel, 29.” Hux chose to answer the latter, because it was easiest. The look of surprise on Rey’s face was a gift. “Did you think him younger, or older?”

“It’s hard to say.” Rey breathed out, but the shake of her head made it clear that it wasn’t hard at all. “No, definitely younger. I mean, sometimes - sometimes he has this expression and I wonder if he’s ever really grown up at all. But when he had his mask on, it was different. He was - “

“Ageless.” Hux offered, all too intimate with the very purposeful effect of Ren’s outfit. “I’m aware.” He pulled one hand away, and plucked the cigarette back up from its dish. He sucked in a long, calming drag of his cigarette when images of his past altercations with the masked Knight of Ren flipped through his memories unbidden. “I suppose that was the point.” He admitted, his words tumbling out in a breathy exhale of smoke. “To imbue a sense of immortality. He couldn’t very well have anyone thinking he was susceptible to something as human and mundane as death, after all.”

His lips quirked in a very slight smile. “Or something as common as a cold. Would you have ever taken him seriously again? Just one sniffle, and all of his careful construction crumbles.”

Even as he spoke, Rey was beginning to realize that this was exactly why she’d begun to view Kylo Ren as an entity separate from the creature that had hunted her in the forest, and killed his father in cold blood. But they _were_ the same person. She tried to force herself to remember that; to mash the two together to create one complete paradox, inescapable and inexplicable.

Hux could see, deep in the faraway look of her eyes, that Rey was trying to work it all out on her own. It would have been easy to let her come to her own conclusions. Easy, but dangerous.

So instead, he fed her more of what she so desperately craved. “He entered the First Order’s personnel files six years ago. There’s no record of whether he’d been working privately with Snoke before that, but he must have.” 

He’d managed to capture Rey’s attention back to the present, and she pulled her hands away from the ball they’d been in, against his knee. She shuffled to rest her side on the chaise lounge, facing the pristine black of Hux’s pant leg. She was curled up by him, as if ready to listen to a bedtime story.

His hand itched to rest on the murky brown top of her head, and nearly settled there before thinking better of it.

“And before that?” She pried, her eyes no longer on him.

“Ren’s former life outside of the First Order has no place in our records. As an officer, I have not been made privy to it.” It sounded so clinical, so final, and Hux waited for the inevitable turn of her head. He expected it. He’d almost hoped she’d be clever enough to press on.

She turned her head up, and his prideful heart soared at the mischievous doubt on her face.

“But you know, anyway.”

His lips twisted, helpless to the smugness in his veins. “But I know, anyway.” He repeated, meeting her eyes. “Are you absolutely sure you wouldn’t rather hear this from Ren himself? He may warm up to you, one day. Miracles do happen.”

Whether or not Hux had a point seemed irrelevant to her. Rey wanted answers. Now.

She shook her head, settled closer, and rested her head on the chaise. Now, there was no denying her expression. She was preparing to listen to his storytelling with rapt, childlike attention.

It would not do to disappoint.

“General Organa and her lover weren’t together often. This actually _was_ public knowledge - I’ve dipped into what can only be considered research in the loosest of terms, dating back years before Ren had even been born. Tabloids, you see. Gossip. Drivel. They were more interested in General Organa’s love life - or lack of one, as the case was - than her political policies. She was a Senator at the time, and created her fair share of controversy. But all these trash holos ever spoke of was how lonely she seemed. How infrequently her lover - and later, her child’s father - was ever around. I can only imagine how little that endeared Han Solo to his son.”

Hearing Han’s name made Rey’s breath hitch. It wasn’t a surprise - she knew who Hux had been talking about. But the name - she hadn’t heard his name spoken out loud since the day Kylo had plucked it from her head. It hurt, like an old wound tearing open somewhere inside. She kept that pain selfishly, letting it burn her until it would leave a scar that could remind her later of what she’d lost.

But Han was _his father_. And Kylo had _killed him_. Rey felt the faint memory of that dream again, whispering traitorous revelations to her. Whispering of how much _he’d_ lost by doing it.

“Rey?” Hux asked, his head tilted curiously. “You seem distracted. Shall we stop there?”

Her answer was a swift shake of her head, and she shifted, as if she could straighten up in order to listen better. “No, I want more. Tell me everything.”

He knew he couldn’t do that; not for lack of want, but because even he did not know the more private details of Ren’s personal life. Research had only given him a glimpse; not nearly enough to garner any true answers.

“As far as I’m aware, being a Senator was a full time position. I concluded, therefore, that Ren was neglected. By his absentee father, and his occupied mother. As he was an only child, whatever his childhood consisted of, he dealt with it alone.”

A missing father. A busy mother. A lonely childhood. Whatever Rey had hoped to glean from Hux’s research, this sudden empathy for Kylo Ren’s life was not it. She didn’t want to feel this pity. This understanding. She didn’t want this connection just as much as she didn’t want their bond.

She closed her eyes, imagined marks scratched crudely on metal walls, and briefly - just for a moment - wondered if those marks had been scratched out anywhere else.  
“What was your childhood like, Hux?” She asked, opening her eyes up to look at him. His expression went frigid with surprise. 

“I thought we were discussing Kylo Ren.” He evaded the question smoothly, but by the looks of it she wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. He should have known this line of questioning would eventually lead around towards him, but he’d convinced himself that Rey was only interested in getting to know Ren better.

His heart pulsed with a faint, unfamiliar pain. It was always smart to assume the worst.

“All right.” His voice had gained a strain to it, gravelly and coarse. He cleared it away, and gave in to the urge that had been plaguing him since she’d sat by his side. He set his hand carefully on the top of her head, and brushed down the length until his fingers were stopped from moving further by her top bun. This gesture continued as she returned her head to the chaise lounge, and waited for him to speak.

“I’m afraid there’s nothing scandalous enough for tabloid gossip in my childhood.” He admitted, breathing in a quick gulp of smoke from the cigarette in his other hand. “I was born to a soon to be exiled Commandant of the Imperial Forces and his wife. While planetside, I went to classes. Once we were ousted, I trained with my brother in rudimentary battle scenarios on board whatever starship we were living in at the time, and then I was shipped off to Academy. By the time I graduated, the First Order had just begun to make its presence known. I progressed. I excelled. And eventually - “

“You had a brother?” It had taken her a moment to let that sink in, and it amused Hux that of all the things he’d said, she’d latched on to that one. He nodded, immediately inciting another question before he could continue. “What was his name?”

He paused on the question, hesitant to let that particular name fall from his lips. It had been too long.

“Brendol Jr. Hux.”

The name itself felt like a ghost chilling the air around him, forcing the hairs on his neck to stand on end.

Rey shifted under his hand, and he focused all of his attentions on her as a welcome distraction until the look in her eyes warned him that it wasn’t welcome at all. He saw a curiosity there that he’d instigated. Her lower lip disappeared, worried between her teeth as she struggled to find the right words.

She wasn’t quite done with him yet.

“Would it be - I mean, do you mind if I ask - if Hux is your family name, then what’s - “

Ah.

It could have been worse.

“My name.” He regarded her carefully, and considered his options. He could refuse the question, and let her curiosity stew until she turned to find someone else who would appease her. He could be honest, and give her everything - exposing himself in raw and unfamiliar ways that he knew he was not prepared for.

Or. 

A compromise.

“My name,” He began, breathing in a deep sigh as if telling her this was a chore. “Is Alexander. Not common knowledge, I warn you. I’d rather you didn’t call me that in public. Not even Ren is aware of it - unless he’s managed to pluck it from my mind at some point.”

And even if he had, Alexander would not have been the name he’d stolen, regardless. Hux did not often think of - or even use - his middle name. But he would speak even less of his first.

“Who knows it, then?” Rey sounded breathless, like the thrill of a secret was all she’d ever wanted. For a single moment, Hux felt a soft pang of guilt.

“General Mitaka, Captain Phasma, and,” He paused, delaying the completion of his sentence by taking another swift drag of his cigarette. When he blew it out, his lips lifted to one side in an affectionate smirk. “Now, you. That’s all.”

It appeased her. He could almost imagine it coming off of her in waves, and in the smile she wielded like a weapon, large and goofy and striking to the very core of him. He rose an eyebrow, and put his cigarette between his lips for an excuse to block the sight of her temporarily.

“How can I get him to talk to me?” He couldn’t see Rey when she asked this; he moved his hand away to focus on the already dwindling smile. “Like you do. I just want to talk. It helps.”

“Helps - what?” He’d almost said _whom_. It sounded bitter on his tongue, like he was questioning her actions. He’d corrected himself before it had a chance to surface. When he scanned her features, he caught no hint that she’d noticed.

“It helps me not want to abandon this mission, for one. I’d like it better if I was here with - you know.”

Hux’s breath stuttered. He let it resolve itself before answering. “I do not know.”

She flickered a frustrated expression up at him, before shrugging. “With friends. People I actually _want_ to be around.”

She was a singular presence in his life, taking him through turns he’d very effectively avoided until now. A chuckle escaped him before he could stifle it, and he could see the hurt pass her soft features before it all drained into a stubborn pout.

“Do you consider me your friend, Rey?” He asked, laying his hand back on the top of her head.   
She pinched her nose up in concentration, and let out a long, frustrated sigh.

“I’d like to.”

He’d never heard a more promising admittance in his entire life, and for once, he didn’t try to tamp down the quickening of his heartbeat or the excitement of something as preposterous as having her as a friend.

When he responded, just a few seconds later, his voice sounded quite pleased. Perhaps even a little smug.

“You may.”

She rolled her eyes up at him, in her best attempt to look annoyed - but everything about her transformed the moment he’d accepted her friendship. Her gaze brightened, her lips twisted up giddily, and he could have sworn that her very skin could almost _glow_ with her joy. But that, he surmised, was probably just his imagination getting the best of him.

“Thanks for the _permission_.” She taunted him, scrambling up to her feet in a move that had him jolting with surprise. She used his knee to push herself up, and then stood in front of him.

“Does that signal the end of our rendezvous?” Hux asked her, careful to pull the regret out of his voice before he spoke.

She nodded, lighting up in a smile. “I’m going to try again. With Kylo. Only now I don’t need him to tell me about his past anymore. I just need him to tell me about who he is now. That’s what matters, right?”

Despite his hesitation at her departure, he had to admit that she had a much better chance of connecting to Kylo if she wasn’t torturing him through his memories of the past. This was an improvement - and her chances of success were better for it.

“Always the clever girl.” Hux answered, standing to walk her out of his quarters properly. “You will keep me informed on your progress, won’t you? I’m starting to get rather fond of these little talks.”

“That’s what friends do.” Rey pointed out, already at the door before she turned around and beamed at him. “They talk.”

She didn’t wait for his response. She was already leaving, with that spring in her step that could only spell disaster for Kylo Ren. Hux watched her leave, and when she turned and waved her fingers from afar, he found himself doing the same.

A voice that wasn’t his own, just an echo of a memory of a phantom long gone, whispered to him of a job well done. Rey’s friendship was an elusive prize, and he’d won it, just as he’d always planned.

He ignored the voice, and all of the pride he’d once fought so desperately to hear in its deep baritone trill, and closed his door.

* * *

When she found Kylo, he was already shutting his door behind him, and she held her hand out to stop the door from locking, just an inch before it closed. She felt his sudden push back, and put both of her hands on the edge of the doorway, where he could see them.

“Close this door and you cut off my fingers.” She warned him. It worked fast enough to make him give up his press on the door, but she still couldn’t get it open. Instead, she inched herself into the slivered crevice of open doorway, sneaking through it with less difficulty than he’d hoped for. Once she was in the room, his hands dropped, and the door at her side slammed shut.

Kylo’s pointer finger rose up to jut an inch from her nose. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He hissed out, answering her questions before they’d even begun.

Rey kept her face neutral, and shrugged. “Talk about what?” She asked, masking her voice with innocence. He looked unimpressed by her charade, but let his hand fall.

_”Everything.”_ There was no denying that she’d been practically bursting with questions for the last few days, but when he searched for them now, he came up deceptively empty. She wasn’t blocking him out, but she _was_ being very careful. 

It didn’t matter. He remembered them all, and there was no way he was going to open up to her about his past like she wanted. He’d rather she stay at a distance, than ever let that happen.

“I came here to ask you to spar. You haven’t taught me anything new since we’ve gotten here, and I’d rather not get lazy about it.”

It was such an innocuous request. But beneath the surface, she’d already gotten a taste of how desperately he wanted to teach her. If she was using this knowledge to her benefit now, it was a sinister, dirty trick.

He tried very hard not to feel impressed.

His fingers stretched, and his lightsaber shot into his hand. He walked as he clipped it, heading for the door.

“It’s about damn time.”

* * *

Rey kept her thoughts, and her intentions, close and tight. He hadn’t managed a read on her even after they’d ignited their weapons in the cargo bay, and begun to swing in loose, lazy arcs. It all began so tentatively, like they were testing one another. That hesitance wouldn’t last very long.

Kylo’s saber was bent in too close, pushing her back until she was arched to keep away from it. She could feel the intensity come off of him in waves; as angry as his expression was, he’d wanted this more than anything. He wanted to feel her strength war against his own, and see her teeth grit in determination. He was _enjoying_ this.

That made it the perfect time to strike.

“So who taught you how to fight?” She growled out, watching his every reaction. Recognition glittered in his eyes, followed by a fleeting moment of haunted memory.

He swung his lightsaber dangerously, knocking her back with his weight before flipping it around and backing away. When she found her footing, his saber was pointed directly at her face.

“Is that why you brought me here? Just to needle answers out of me after all? Is that all this is?”

He sounded insulted. Betrayed. _Hurt._ His voice had pitched high, and his eyes glared at her in disgust. She tried to push down the guilt his expression was twisting up within her.

“You want me to trust you enough to teach me.” Rey shot back. “If you think for one second you deserve that trust right now, you’re mad. You’ve got to earn that trust. And that starts with letting me in!”

He heard the echo of Hux’s voice, warning him. He’d already been told once, that he had to earn Rey’s trust. But if that meant opening up about his past - 

He switched his lightsaber off, and ran a gloved hand through his hair until he could tug on his locks, burning his scalp with the temporary pain.

This time, Rey was patient. He growled, and huffed, and stalked around as he warred with himself over this, and she stood by, waiting for him. When he finally spoke again, she could recognize the conflict in his voice. She’d heard it before. Just once, in a dream.

“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.” 

“I know exactly what I’m asking you. Nothing more than what I’d give back.”

She powered her lightsaber down, and let it drop to the ground. When she took a step towards him, he automatically took a step back.

“You don’t want to tell me about your past? Fine. But you can’t expect me to trust you unless you tell me who you really are. Right now, Kylo. Who do you say you are, now? What is it you really want?”

Somehow, these questions were both easier, and more difficult for him to answer. 

“And what if I told you, Rey, that there _was_ no answer to that question, anymore?” When he spoke, Rey chanced another step forward, and this time he did not move away. “You make it sound _so easy_. Your motives are always so damn pure. You have no idea of the power of the Dark Side.”

Just the sound of those words, and the way he said them, had her chilled to the bone. He saw it, and his lips twisted into something mocking a grin.

“I’m urged down a path that’s already ended. I know Snoke was using me. I _always_ knew, deep down. That doesn’t change where I must go. What I must do. There’s no turning back from this.”

He looked down at his weapon, and his expression grew cold. Hard. “ _That_ is who I am, Rey. I belong to the Dark Side. The only difference your presence makes,” His cold eyes flickered up to her through hooded lashes. “Is that I can keep you from making that same mistake before it’s too late.”

The admission felt like a cold slap to Rey’s face. “Are you saying you thought I would fall to the Dark Side? You think I would _ever_ -”

He was on her before she could finish speaking, pressing both of his hands against the sides of her head and stilling her until she was frozen in shock. His eyes closed, pinched, and then she felt it coming over her in waves. He was showing her something - something she didn’t want to see.

It was just flashes. Images. Scraps.

It was enough.

Her hands lifted to tear him away as she stumbled back, recoiling from everything he was showing her. His eyes opened, and his hands fell to his sides helplessly.

“What _was_ that?” She asked, but she already knew.

Blood on her hands, a throne at her side, a withered hand pressed cold against hers.

A mask, as terrifying and unwanted as the one Kylo had once worn, resting easily on her own face. And against her waist, wrapped around her possessively like a vice - gloved hands -

“A path.” Kylo whispered. His hands balled up into fists. “Not yours. Not anymore.”

She’d come looking for answers, but not these. _Not_ these. She didn’t want these. She would never - could never - 

She turned and ran out of the cargo bay, stumbling with every other step, and leaving her lightsaber discarded on the ground thoughtlessly.

Kylo did not follow. Could not follow. He trembled, desperate to run away himself, without anything tangible to run away from. Instead, he slowly disentangled himself from her terror, and plucked her lightsaber up off of the floor. Holding it in his hands felt like a betrayal, and he clipped it to his belt too quickly as if it was scalding his skin through his gloves.

When he finally left the cargo bay, he knew there was a chance she’d leave them, now.

And the possibility didn’t scare him, for once.

* * *

_It wasn’t her dream. Rey knew this, because she’d never been in a city before, and this was most definitely a city. Buildings screamed upwards, high enough to burst past the bubbly cotton clouds and look like they were hovering in mid-air. She was transfixed, sitting on the windowsill and staring at the view._

_If she fell, she’d fall for days. Would there be anything left of her by the time she reached the ground?_

_She leaned further, and felt the wind whip at her dangerously, tugging at her clothes and hair. She felt like giving in to its pull._

_This wasn’t her dream._

_“Get away from that window, Ben.” A voice snapped out, as a woman called to the boy on the windowsill - and oh, but she was beautiful in such a strong, effortless kind of way, and Rey wished she’d been her mother._

_No, she didn’t wish that at all, a voice deep inside her promised. Rey begged to differ._

_“Put your robes on. Your uncle will be here any minute.”_

_“I’m not going.” The little boy said. Rey could hear the words as if they were coming from her mouth, but they were not. “You can’t make me. You can’t.”_

_Senator Organa had been pressing down wrinkles in the outfit she’d laid out for the boy when his words stilled her hands, and she straightened up in order to look at him. Both of her hands went to settle on her hips, regarding him impatiently for a few long seconds, before she finally walked to stand by the windowsill._

_Rey could feel the heat of her against her side. Leia settled one hand on her son’s knee, and Rey wanted to set her hand on top of that hand. It was such a simple gesture._

_“I thought you wanted to go. Wasn’t this your idea? Running off to be a Jedi because being a politician was - how did you put it - murderously boring?”_

_Ben hadn’t looked at his mother until that moment, but when he did, Leia seemed to shift at the sight of the haunted look in his eyes._

_He’d thought his uncle could have helped him. He thought training could help him where his mother and father couldn’t. He thought -_

_“I changed my mind. I’m staying.”_

_There was no one who could help him, anymore._

_“He’s come all this way, Ben.” Leia scolded. “Just for you. You can’t do that to your Uncle. Give him a chance, at least. If it’s not for you, you can come back once I’ve returned from the conference. Just - “_

_Ben’s eyes widened, before they narrowed to slits. This wasn’t about what he wanted. This was about her, after all. Her carefully laid plans, all set out like the robes on his bed. How dare he disturb them._

_He could feel her impatience leaking out of her in waves, leaving him feeling unwelcome, undesirable. He sensed the snap of her tight emotions curl up within him, frustrated and angry at her own son’s hesitance. This wasn’t the first time he’d changed his mind about the Jedi, and now she’d found her breaking point, leaving her just desperate enough to want the boy out, out, out -_

_“LEAVE ME ALONE.”_

_The outburst silenced his mother, but he could see the threat of discipline bubbling up from her lips, threatening to snap right back at him. Her temper is where he’d gotten it, after all._

_Something he would never understand had her swallowing that temper for the first time, and giving him exactly what he wanted. It wasn’t emotion, or else he’d have felt it. This time, whatever made Leia move was based on unfeeling, calculated thought._

_Leia swiveled and walked out of his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts. With his despair. And most of all, with his aching regret._

_It was far, far too late for her to hear him when he buried his head into his hands and whispered an apology. When he whispered where no one else could hear him - (but Rey heard him, now) -_

_“Don’t let me go.”_

Rey woke up heaving, unable to catch her breath. She clutched her chest as she sat up and tried to find some focus of calm, but when she grasped for her own center, it changed nothing. She was still crippled, gasping with pain that wasn’t her own. 

She felt his anguish. And for as terrible as it felt, she was reminded of how it paled in comparison to the way Kylo - Ben - could feel his mother’s heart.

She’d holed herself up in her quarters after her confrontation with Kylo earlier, struggling with everything she’d seen in the dark silence of her locked room. She’d refused to come out for any reason, and fell asleep curled into herself, locked in struggle with her own thoughts.

Now, though, she ripped the covers off of her legs and stormed out of the room, heading straight for Kylo’s. She considered knocking on the door, and even managed to lift her fist when she heard the click of the opening door. He knew she was there. He’d probably seen her coming from the moment she’d decided.

She pushed the door open and then closed it behind her once she’d entered. The room was in complete darkness, but she knew where everything was. She padded to the bed, where she could see the bare silhouette of the man sitting up, with his arms curled around his bent legs. He was staring out a window that no longer existed, and she wondered briefly if he wished he’d just jumped.

“Kylo.” She whispered into the darkness, and she heard him shift like a wraith disturbed.

“Kylo?” She called out again, edging closer. When her knees hit the bed, she set her weight down against it, and heard the creak betray her.

“Don’t.” He whispered back, his voice hoarse with emotion. He’d been crying. She couldn’t really be surprised.

“I see it.” She admitted, refusing to give up that easily. “When you dream. So don’t tell me you don’t want me here right now.”

His head snapped forward, and she could almost see the glitter of fear in unshed tears that reflected whatever miniscule light there was in his room. He was glaring at her, but that didn’t stop her from sitting on the bed beside him, just like she had the first day he’d brought her here.

She settled in and fell silent, until she felt him relax beside her, and he turned back to stare out of the window in his memory.

They stayed that way for several long, quiet minutes, until the feel of her support against him and the set of his warmth against her managed to slow down the flustered beating of their hearts.

“You shouldn’t have seen that.” He broke their silence with a curt, brusque grunt of speech. It made her twist her head up to look at him, but all she could see was the back of his head.

“Then we’re even.” She told him. It was a response that tugged his attention down to her fully, and she was struck by how conflicting the imposing form of his body was against the softness of his fractured features. He was a boy in a man’s body. She’d already discovered this earlier, but it surprised her no less when she saw it for herself.

It took him a few seconds to realize what she meant. When he did, he let out a soft exhale of breath. A guilty chuckle, perhaps. Whatever it was, the heat of it blew at her skin and made her eyelids flutter.

“Do you still feel it?” She asked, with a voice so meek it sounded breakable. If he’d had any intention of lying to her, it was that voice, and the plea within it, that stopped him. 

He wanted her to trust him.

“Yes.” Gruff and quiet, he admitted his greatest weakness to the girl in one word, and felt the most exhilarating rush of relief he’d ever experienced come crashing through him. For a moment, he wondered if it was her relief he’d felt.

But it wasn’t.

He’d wanted to tell her for so long.

“Oh.” She breathed out, with the weight of the galaxy hanging heavy in that one single word. 

Silence followed. Long beats of silence, where he listened to the hitched sound of her breathing as she slowly processed what an entire lifetime of feeling the emotions of every living person around him could do.

He wondered if she realized that he could also feel every swivel of regret, guilt, horror, and sympathy she was whisking through there beside him, as they sat in the silence.

When it stopped, he felt something else.

The bed creaked, and her small body left his side. He closed his eyes; he didn’t want to watch her walk out on him this time. He couldn’t, not when all it would do was remind him of his mother doing the same. He kept his eyes shut tight, until they snapped open wide at the feel of Rey’s arms pushing his legs out of the way and wrapping herself around his waist. She pressed her side against his chest, and curled up until she was all there, lost in the immensity of him. He could feel her cheek on his thudding heartbeat, and for a while, he just let her hug him. His thoughts had shorted out, broken by this impossibility that was Rey’s comforting, supportive hug.

Then something else broke. He felt it crack down the middle, deep down inside where only his emotions could reach.

He wrapped around her in quick, desperate moves, enveloping her until she was gone, buried completely within his embrace.

He cried, and she could feel him shake with the force of it. It was silent, save for the anguish in his voice when he whispered the only thing he could think to admit to her in that moment.

“I thought you might leave.”

Rey couldn’t tell if he’d meant today, or just in general. But it didn’t matter; the answer was the same.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

The force of his lament shook her even harder, and he curled up even tighter, until she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. She was trapped there, warm and suffocating, but she never spoke a word of complaint. This was what he needed, after all.

Which was why he hadn’t needed to ask, but asked anyway, in the safety of the suffocating darkness.

“Don’t let me go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could sit here and try to explain all the different reasons it took me this long to post but I feel guilty enough as it is, so with that I'll just say, I'm sorry it took this long, and I'm really happy you're still reading if you are. Thank you for sticking with it. :)
> 
> That being said, this next month coming up I have NOTHING planned in my life. Let's hope that means faster updates (I think it will!)
> 
> So since it's been so long, if anything doesn't make sense to you or you just want to ask me something, please please feel free! If it's here or on tumblr, either way I think I'd really love to answer questions about this fic just to keep the ideas flowing. I'm pretty malleable and I super love other people's thoughts on what's going on.
> 
> AND NOW FOR THE BEST PART. Art for the fic! I commissioned a lovely piece by Emegustart on tumblr, for Chapter 12's "Peace in our time" drunk / afterdinner scene. You can check that out [here!](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/149643820493/scene-from-chapter-12-of-breaking-point-rey)
> 
> AND THEN. I GOT GIFTED ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL PIECE. I owe my heart and soul to the sweetheart [Vikinginbavaria](http://vikinginbavaria.tumblr.com/post/148936320197) on tumblr for stunning art of Chapter 21's scene, where Rey and Kylo are sleeping together and Rey asks Hux to join him, which he doesn't. Honestly whenever someone like this darn fic enough to do something like that, I wish I could explain to you how much it affects me. My heart goes absolutely wild and I start tearing up. Thank you so much, sweetie. I love you guys. Honestly.
> 
> OKAY, enjoy this chapter, and if you can, let me know you're still here despite my awful, terrible little absence. I need a good kick in the pants.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY CHAPTER 30!! *BLOWS CONFETTI OUT OF THE TOP OF HER HEAD AND DEFLATES*

Waking up felt too difficult, as if every part of her body had turned to liquid and simply wanted to seep down into the steady, warm press of the firm mattress underneath her. Rey’s face crinkled as she slogged through the levels of consciousness, tugging herself through the molasses thick exhaustion that kept trying to pull her back under. She yawned, and buried her face deep into her pillow over and over, trying to rub against it to wake herself up.

A steady rumble of content vibrated underneath her face, warning her a little too late that it wasn’t a pillow she was rubbing her face against, but the soft give of a surprisingly firm chest, covered under layers of thick black cloth.

It wasn’t her fault that Kylo had chosen to be this comfortable. Still, her head tilted to stop burying herself into him, and one squinted eye slit open to look up.

To his credit, he’d tolerated her unusually affectionate gesture with patience, stone faced and immobile in order to keep her from being startled by her current placement.

She was pinned, curled up like a tamed pet on top of him. He’d fallen at some point during the night, curling around her until she heard the quiet listing shudder of his breath slowing as he fell asleep. She could have climbed out of his arms and saved herself the trouble of dealing with limbs that buzzed with tingles from being awkwardly placed, but his exhaustion had drained her just as heavily as it had himself. She’d fallen asleep before she could think too hard on the best way to get out of his arms.

Only one of his arms rested around her now; the flesh and blood one, wrapped loose around the curve of her waist. She couldn’t recall exactly how she’d gone from being wrapped up beside him to using him like a giant pillowbed, but as soon as she stretched out her limbs she’d lost whatever careful balance had kept her there, and slid back down to his side.

She blinked, staring up at her new view. Kylo’s skin had the telltale sign of long since dried tears etched faintly down his cheeks, but he wasn’t crying, now. He was just staring back at her, his lip twisted to one side in slight amusement.

Her nose crinkled when she registered that smile, which only made his lips lift more.

“Good morning.” His voice was gruff, as though he hadn’t been awake long himself.

“You’re a very uncomfortable bed.” Rey informed him, stretching her fingers out to try and get feeling back into them. “Too lumpy and hard.”

His lips twisted down, the amusement forgotten. “I didn’t _ask_ you to sleep on top of me. If anyone should be complaining, it’s me. You’ve got too many sharp edges to be using someone as a bed.”

She rubbed her elbow thoughtfully, and considered using one of those edges to jut into his stomach.

And yet, the warmth of curled up bodies coupled with the lingering pull of just barely waking up, kept them both from disentangling themselves in a rush. After all, she’d been there for a reason.

Her expression smoothed out as she remembered the details of the night before, and worry began to creep back into her heart. Her hand still tingled when she lifted it up and brushed all of the sweat-sticky hair away from his eyes, until it settled back behind his ear.

“You all right?”

Even if his eyelids did flutter when her fingers brushed against his skin, she could tell by the set of his jaw and the narrowed slit of his glare that he was not appreciative of her pity.

“Don’t be absurd.” He growled, huffing out a sharp sigh a moment later. It didn’t answer her question, nor did he plan to, despite the tremble of her lips threatening to push the issue further. He watched for the moment when she decided, unexpectedly, to simply let it drop.

He couldn’t exactly figure out why, but he was no less grateful for it.

“I should probably head back to my quarters then.” She grumbled out, rubbing her face repeatedly with her hand. “I don’t even know what time it is. I’m already hungry.”

He said nothing to convince her otherwise, so she pushed up until she could sit, and felt the loose drop of his arm around her waist. It fell like a dead weight, resting useless on her legs instead. 

“Your hair’s a mess.” Kylo growled up at her, and she could hear the twist of his lips returning in those words. She glared down at him for a moment, even as he shifted to a more comfortable position on his side, where he could get a better look at her.

“Charming.” She responded, smashing his face away with her hand before reaching up to fix the loose, falling buns that had tangled overnight. She pulled them out, one by one, and wrapped the ties around her wrist while she worked on replacing them.

“Talking helps, you know.” She murmured, her eyes carefully turned away as she wrapped her first bun up. “Despite how much you _love_ holding it all in. You don’t need to carry every burden on your own. At least, not anymore.”

If she’d spared him a glance, she would have found her words only mildly ignored, in place of the look of open wonder on his expression as he watched her hair fall back in waves. He remembered the first time he’d seen it all fall down against her neck, when he’d done her hair on the shuttle.

Seeing it now felt different. It was the same hair, the same girl, the same untouchable situation. There was no logical explanation for it.

He kept his hands to himself.

“You seem well versed on sharing, for someone who’s spent most of her life alone.” He pointed out, ignorant of the impoliteness in his words. She swiveled down to glare at him with her arms still in the air, finishing off the last bun, and he saw his mistake in her expression far too late to rectify it.

She dropped her hands, done with her hair. “Remind me not to do you any favors, anymore. You’re the most ungrateful, coarse, ill-mannered-”

He pushed himself to a seated position and pressed his palm hard down on her mouth, stifling her words until they were nothing but outraged muffled shouts. He waited until those, too, silenced, before saying anything.

He wanted to apologize. The words were on the tip of his tongue, and even she could see him struggling to speak them, with open, parted lips.

His mouth shut, and he dropped his hand, his eyes, his heart.

“I’m trying really hard, Kylo.” Rey spoke, tilting her head to try and catch his eyes again. “All I ask is that perhaps, you can try, too.”

He did look up at her then, desperate to tell her that he’d been trying harder than he’d ever thought possible, but those words also died in his throat.

“You’re right, you know. I’ve been alone all my life. That doesn’t mean I need to be alone, now. Even in this unfamiliar place, surrounded by people I really ought to dislike, very much.”

Her last few words let a chuckle escape, but his expression remained cold, unamused. The chuckle in her voice died out in place of an awkward cough. 

“Right. So.”

Even her awkward segue from trying to get him to open up seemed to leave him unaffected. Rey shifted from unsure, to annoyed, and pushed his face down again. This time, his hand caught at her wrist, and pulled her hard until she crumpled into his arm. Her startled face slammed into his shoulder, but when she realized what he was doing, she softened just enough to wrap her arm around as much of his back as she could.

Even if he couldn’t tell her in words, his hug told her everything she needed to know.

She pulled away again, after a few heavy minutes and the realization that Kylo wasn’t necessarily interested in letting her go. When she moved, his arm dropped, and she got up from the bed.

Her stomach growled. It was definitely morning.

“We can make the training a daily routine again, if you like.” She told him, tugging on her sleep clothes until she felt less apprehensive about walking out the ten steps it took from his quarters, to hers. “I’d appreciate it.”

She was already at his door when she heard it, faint and gruff and a touch desperate, but genuine all the same.

“Thank you.”

She looked back at him, startled, before the impact of his gratitude made her break out into a smile.

“Anytime.”

Then she was gone, and the smell of pastries hit her before she could even make it to her door. It _was_ the morning shift, after all - and she knew exactly where the smell of it was coming from. This time, she didn’t hesitate to head down to Mitaka’s for breakfast. After all she’d gone through the night before, she thought she rather deserved it.

* * *

“You look good.”

She’d been chatting with Finn for almost an hour, even though she’d lost track of the time. Their conversation had been so light and pointless, until she heard the change in his voice when he said those words, and heard the worry blatantly evident in them.

“Really?” She tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

“Not that you didn’t look good before. Like, uh, healthier. Happy. You know. That kind of thing.”

He was backtracking, but she let him off the hook, sliding back into the ease of normal conversation. “Thanks. I told you they feed me, up here. We had some kind of giant crab last night. I think I can still taste it, it was so good.”

For a split second, Rey wondered if the pinch of Finn’s nose was due to jealousy over the food, or something else. She didn’t pry, and he never had a chance to offer the answer up. Poe slid down in a chair beside him, intruding uninvited into their private call and reaching up to shift the tiny camera they were using until she could see both of them equally.

“Careful, Rey. You’re going to make him want to rejoin the First Order - all we’ve got is three square meals, meats and veggies, real boring stuff.” Poe gave her a wink, and leaned his elbow on Finn’s shoulder while strictly ignoring the fervent glare Finn was giving him. “He was right though. You do look good. Maybe space agrees with you. I know I always feel better up there, too.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief, thankfully latching on to his less troublesome reasoning for her upbeat spirit. “Thanks.” She offered back, pressing a hand against warm, tinting cheeks. “I would have thought the opposite, but you could be right.”

“I usually am.” Poe said, leaning closer to the camera to get a better look at her. “Did you do something new to your hair? I like it.”

This was Finn’s boiling point, and he finally broke the well-ignored glare to punch Poe in the arm that still rested against him. “Are you being for real right now?” He grumbled from the side of his mouth, as if somehow Rey wouldn’t pick up on his outrage. 

She did. And she ignored it.

“The only thing different about my hair right now is that I haven’t done anything to muss it since my shower. Otherwise, you’re just imagining things.” She had a tease to her voice, light and playful, and she could tell by the way he cocked his head back and laughed that he appreciated it. Her eyes flickered to Finn, to make sure he wasn’t being genuinely offended by their conversation. If anything, his puffed up cheeks and tightly wrapped together arms seemed to soothe her worries.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Finn asked Poe in a voice dripping with over-exaggerated sarcasm. Rey could see the mischief blooming in Poe’s expression right before he turned back to Finn, and leaned in to give the man his full attention.

“Nah, Finn, I mean, sure - you _did_ get a lot more time to get to know her than I did, so for the sake of fairness I guess maybe some alone time might be in order, but - “

“Poe, enough.” Rey said, in a sharp, chastising tone. Finn’s face was turning shades she could even catch through the blurry holo, and she knew he didn’t deserve to be teased this much. “We were just talking about the first scheduled rendezvous, weren’t we Finn?”

They hadn’t, but should have been. She used that duty to pull Finn back from whatever rock he wished he was buried under.

“Yeah, I guess.” Finn reluctantly agreed, shifting his shoulder slightly in a weak attempt to shove Poe off. It failed. His eyes rolled slowly back to Rey, focusing with intensity as he leaned in. “How do we know this won’t be a trap? Not that - _you’re_ planning a trap, of course, but if they’re lying to you about their intentions, you know we’ll be in a tough spot here. What kind of leverage can we bring to the table?”

“I’m probably your biggest leverage right now, seeing as I can read minds.” Rey reminded him gently. She was sure General Organa did not share this particular fear with Finn, knowing the ways of the Force as she did. “Take me hostage until negotiations are over. Keep me at your side of things, under armed guard, and - “

“Rey.” Finn interrupted her, his face blanking before tightening with concern. “You know I can’t do that. Won’t let anyone else do that. Try again.”

With Finn setting such high moral standards for what the Resistance would, and wouldn’t do for safety, finding a way that agreed with everyone was going to be more difficult than Rey had anticipated. She pinched her nose up and tried again.

“The Admiral has already stated you can keep your ships in orbit during the entirety of the meeting. We’re already doing it on a neutral planet, and we’ve limited it to just those of us involved in the conversation. What more could General Organa want?”

“We could do it on a Republic planet, for one - “

“That isn’t fair at all, Finn. You have to play _fair_.”

“Play? _Play?_ This isn’t a game, Rey. You got that, right? You’re not putting Dejarik pieces on a board. These are real people’s lives you’re putting at stake here.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Rey’s voice had reached a high trill, barely managing to keep her rage in check. “Do you think this hasn’t been weighing on me non-stop since we last spoke? That the Resistance is taking on an offer with potentially crippling consequences? Do you have any idea, any idea at all, how it feels to have that much weight on your shoulders?”

Finn looked shaken, but unconvinced. “Then why do it at all? Come home, come back to us, we’ll win this war the old fashioned way-”

“And see you put yourself in danger every time you go out on a mission? Watch thousands of people die in battle, without ever having tried another way? How is that any better than this? How is _war_ a better choice than _peace_?”

She could tell that Finn was too stubborn to be fully convinced, but he’d gone silent, nonetheless. Poe took advantage of his silence and pressed his hand on Finn’s shoulder, squeezing it.

“All right, all right. You’ve made your point, Rey. We’re just looking for a little more wiggle room before we dive into this blind.” He paused, biting his lip as he struggled to think of any options. “You said General Hux-”

“Admiral Hux.”

Poe waved his hand brusquely. “Whatever. He doesn’t mind us keeping our ships in the air, right? Does that mean he’s going to be extending himself the same comfort?”

Rey hadn’t thought to ask, but she sat back in her chair and let her common sense answer for her. “I assume so. It’s only fair.”

“Fair or not, he _is_ the one extending the olive branch. Maybe you talk to the guy, see if he’s still feeling charitable enough to keep his ships out of it. In return, we’ll keep the skies relatively clear too. Just one squadron - mine. One on the ground, four in the air. Think it’ll work for him?”

When she thought about the ordeal distantly, logic dictated that this deal would put the First Order at a disadvantage. But the longer she spoke to Finn and Poe, the easier it was to play favorites. She tucked that revelation away for later, when she knew she’d have to be more impartial than this.

“I’ll ask him. I can’t speak for him, but I might be able to convince him.”

Poe gave her a sly wink. “That’s my girl.”

_”Poe.”_

Poe lifted his hand off of Finn’s shoulder to raise them both up innocently. “Our girl.”

The words hit Rey heavy, like a hammerfall directly into her heart. She was supposed to be on their side, that throb of pain told her. On that base, right now. By their side, arm in arm, fighting the very Order she was now technically working for, however diplomatically.

She did not feel like their girl. She thought of the man who’d slept in her arms the night before, and the hand that had rested on her head before that. She belonged to no one, but whatever pull she felt towards protecting those previously undeserving men, tugged stronger at her than whatever she felt as she looked at the familiar faces on the screen. 

She wondered if, in another life, with another choice-

“Rey?”

She sucked in a breath, caught unaware of the distant look that had taken her over as her mind wandered. When she snapped back to attend to them, both Finn and Poe were looking at her with equal measures of curiosity.

At least she could be certain of one thing; whatever could have been wasn’t necessarily that far behind her. Finn and Poe were still a part of her lives, and they still cared for her just as she cared for them. She’d only spoken to Poe twice, and yet she was confident that he felt the same way she did.

Maybe she wasn’t their girl, as he’d put it; but she’d still fight to keep them all safe.

“Sorry.” She breathed out in a chuckle. “I’m here. Let’s get these plans out of the way, so you can tell me more about life in the Resistance.”

* * *

He was waiting for the sound of hard beating bootfalls. All Hux received instead were quiet, padded footsteps closing in on him, and that alone told him something was wrong.

He turned around and tilted his head up at the morose expression on Kylo’s face, as readable as ever. He was on the main bridge of the Finalizer, overseeing a transfer of shipments in order to fund one of the few arms dealers that were still heavily trading with them after the news of Snoke’s deposition. It was an important transfer, with several dropships on standby in case something went wrong. When Kylo joined him, the exchange had all but been completed without incident.

Strange, he thought. He’d expected an ambush this time. It felt disconcerting to be proven wrong.

Kylo stood beside him, keeping his purposefully angry expression on his features as he gazed out of the viewport just as Hux did. His posture was terrible, as usual; a fact that allowed Hux to spare a lingering look at him in distaste as he took it in. At times, he wanted to reach up and force Ren’s head up, but he wouldn’t dare touch the man in public.

“What is it, Commander?” He spoke with the inflection of impatience that he was known for, as though merely speaking the words had already put him off schedule. “Do you have news?”

He did, but there was no way he was going to speak of it here, in front of the crew. He hadn’t necessarily considered just how delicate and inappropriate the conversation would be, when he’d entered the control bridge.

“I do.” Ren muttered, low and throaty as if desperately trying to emulate the vocoder of his mask. “But it’s - classified.”

That choice of words had Hux clearing his throat to choke down a laugh, and he inclined his head slightly to the left.

“I leave you in charge of the transfer.” He barked out to Officer Unamo, whose eyes never left the screen that had been monitoring it. “Send word if even the slightest issue arises.”

Unamo called out a sharp ‘sir’ in response, but never faltered in her constant vigil over every life sign and all ship activity nearby.

Hux turned on his heel to march off of the bridge, and heard the stomp of Kylo Ren’s boots behind him once more.

When he entered his private quarters with Ren in tow, he closed the door behind him and stretched out his neck to one side, letting the stoic rigidness of authority bleed away in stages. It still sat heavy on him, bearing down on the shoulders that held each side of his cape with pride. Now, in private, he simply let the feel of its weight into his bones, until he had to move to his desk to sit down.

“Proceed.” Hux muttered, immediately pulling out a cigarette from his desk drawer. He’d managed to tap it, light it, and take an entire drag in silence, as Ren watched him carefully through the haze of smoke he left behind.

“You’re wearing yourself out again.” Ren warned, hedging on his own topic in lieu of the tightness in Hux’s features. In return for his concern, he received a blow of smoke in his direction, tickling his nose until it burned.

“We didn’t come here to discuss me. We came here for you.” Hux reminded him, gesturing for him to come closer. Ren obeyed, moving to stand tall in front of the seated Admiral. He was a wall of black, and his expression echoed the same burdened sorrow that his outfit did.

Hux let his eyes wander for a few long, appreciative seconds, before he turned his seat away.

“I’ll make you a deal.” He offered, straightening up in his seat. “You tell me what you wanted to discuss, and if you’re so desperately worried about my well-being that it’s holding your tongue, then you might as well put yourself to good use and rub my shoulders while you talk.” 

Hux half-expected Ren to grab the chair and swivel him back around angrily, and very little of him ever expected the man to actually acquiesce to his suggestion.

But he did neither. Instead, Ren’s grip wrapped around Hux’s neck, until his fingers were burying hard enough to leave bruises on the skin. This was no massage. His hands tightened, shaking as though he was desperately fighting off the urge to snap the neck in his grasp, or bear down until Hux could no longer breathe. Hux could feel exactly how easy it would be to kill him, and end all of this before it had ever really begun.

"It _would_ be easy." Ren was extracting his thoughts without permission again, and Hux could hear the pleasure of knowing that he'd finally struck fear into the Admiral. "Like snapping a twig."

"And no one would even be surprised." Hux's scathing remark drove purposefully into the man behind him, freezing the shaking press of Ren's hands at the insult. He was right, of course. Killing Hux would have been attributed to Kylo Ren's impulsive violent streak. No one would be surprised at his inability to control himself.

Like a child, breaking all of his toys out of anger.

He was tired of building on to that moniker.

As Ren went quiet, determined to give his actions careful thought, Hux fought the urge to turn his head, just to watch it all through the glass window Ren's expressiveness afforded him. Even without seeing, Hux could feel the mood shift around him, to a lighter tone that spoke volumes to the conclusions being formed.

When gloved hands slid too slowly up the curve of his shoulders to settle just under his hairline, Hux slowly allowed himself to relax.

"Well." He cleared the gravel from his throat, and let out a deep sigh. "If you're not here to kill me, you might as well tell me what you came to say now." Ren's hands were still on his neck, unmoving and tight, but no longer dangerous.

“I told her.” Ren said, never afraid to blurt things out without preamble. Despite having no specifics on the who or what of the sentence, Hux knew exactly what the man meant. He closed his eyes, put the cigarette down on an ashtray nearby, and let himself sink into Ren’s hands. After all, he was going to need it.

“It’s about damn time.” Hux breathed out, tilting his head to one side. He could feel the fine hairs of his hairline rise up to meet Ren’s leather covered fingertips. “How did she take it?”

“She slept with me.”

Ren was able to feel every muscle in Hux’s neck turn to frigid stone, and his fingers stilled when he realized why.

“Don’t be coarse.” He chastised Hux, who thought he had every right to think what he had, and felt quite belligerent about being told otherwise. “I mean she stayed with me through the night. Held me. Nothing more.”

Despite being better informed about the previous night’s events, Hux’s shoulder muscles seemed no less unyielding. “Progress, then. She’ll be tolerating you almost as much as I do in no time.”

Ren’s fingers tightened around the edges of Hux’s neck, suddenly reminding Hux more of a threat than a massage. Before he could say as much, the hands slid down the length of his chest, as Ren bent down to rest his chin on Hux’s shoulder. His eyes were straight ahead, but his quiet voice managed to slide straight through Hux to the core when he spoke.

“You’ve never tolerated me a day in your entire life.”

Hux chuckled, and reached up until his arm was wrapped around Ren’s head, and his hand could pat the black curls he found there.

“Fair enough. You are profoundly intolerable. I must be going mad to let you this close.”

He wanted his cigarette back. He itched for it with an embarrassing desire, until the fingers that would have reached for it buried themselves in black hair instead.

“Hux.” Ren’s voice was a whisper, but he might as well have screamed it directly into Hux’s ear.

“Mm?”

“Tell me what to do.”

The Admiral finally turned his head, staring incredulously at the man bent around him, with a body too large and lanky to be in such an awkward position. Ren was still staring straight ahead, with a look of pure flustered disorientation.

“About what?” Hux asked him, having lowered his voice to a matching whisper.

“About her.”

Ren had all but wrapped himself around him, laid his hands flat against Hux’s chest until he could have felt the solid thud of a quickening heartbeat, and he was asking - what? For _dating tips_?

“I - “

It hurt him. It thrilled him. He wanted to puppet Ren through the mastery of romancing this powerful Force user until she was all but theirs for good. 

And yet.

“I’m not sure.”

Ren turned to him then, wildly staring with dark, disbelieving eyes.

“You’ve never been unsure about anything for as long as I’ve known you.” Ren told him, with a hint of disbelief that had Hux smirking with pride.

“I can assure you, the two of you have taken that particular point of pride out from under me several times since I’ve had the pleasure of your company. This moment, for example, ranks among my highest when it comes to being utterly, inexplicably at a loss.”

Hux could feel Ren become more aware of himself in stages, from the way his hands tightened against Hux’s white top, to the sudden stillness of his breath as he held it. Now he was the unsure one, questioning whether his newfound comfort with intimacy was not shared, or reciprocated.

“You don’t want this.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of fact.

“That’s not quite right. You see, what I _want_ is similar to this, but not exactly this. If I had to make an assumption, I would say this is what she did for you last night. Support, encouragement, comfort. She gathered that this was what you needed, and she was there for you. As noble as that is, I am not you, Ren. And despite how easy it would be to trade intimacies like shipment crates, there is no universal answer for everyone.”

Ren pulled his hands away, and Hux turned his chair around to face him as he straightened up. He could see by the look on Ren’s face that he’d just confused the man more than he’d already been when he entered. Instead of helping him figure out how to deal with Rey, Hux had managed to make him feel like he was floundering on both fronts.

“What _do_ you want, then?” Ren asked him, curling his hands into fists. “With me.”

Finally, _finally_ , he could take up his cigarette again. It had burned down near to the filter, but he managed a long drag regardless. “Would you really like to know what it is I want from you, Ren?” Hux asked, unable to decide if the race of his heart was due to excitement, or forewarning.

Too soon, it said. He’s not ready.

“Yes.” Came the shaky, growled reply.

“Sit.” The command came, flippant and unfeeling. Hux pointed at the spot on the ground, in front of his crossed feet. “There.”

As expected, Ren did not move.

“That’s what you want.” The vitriol in Ren’s voice felt like it could burn through Hux’s skin if he spoke too close. “Me. At your feet. Like a _dog._ ”

Hux left his question unanswered, choosing instead to let the silence worm its way through Ren’s psyche until he was chomping at the bit. The last hints of smoke lifted in swirls from the small stump of cigarette, before he pulled out yet another one and used the burning embers of the old one to light the end of it. “I can’t say that I disapprove of the comparison, but that isn’t actually what I want.” He buried the finished cigarette in the ashtray, and leaned forward until he had to crane his head to look up at Ren’s looming form. “But if you’re so desperate for answers, I would suggest a little more unquestioned compliance. More than anything, I’m not keen to sharing without some measure of trust. Therefore, you have two choices in front of you right now. Do as you’re told, or get the hell out of my office and let me get back to work.”

The thick tension in the air felt familiar, reminding him of a time before his interests had become tangled irreparably between the nightmare in front of him, and the other, a girl who’d managed to slip-slide her way into his thoughts, even now. He remembered a time when all that mattered was the race to victory, and the glory of a job well done. A time when Snoke’s favor was his only real (if impermanent) goal.

He’d stood in front of the mask, then. Ren hadn’t managed to retain his chilling impression after he’d lost his mask, but in that moment Hux realized this was as close as he’d come. He sensed true hate coming from the man. Vicious, deadly hate.

Too soon, his own thoughts reminded him. He’d chosen his timing poorly.

Just as he’d prepared to dismiss the entire charade, he heard the creak of leather and the swish of cloth. Ren was moving, albeit in achingly slow increments, until his body was rested on one knee, with both hands pressed firm against his other knee. He stilled, and Hux could finally see that boyish face for what it was, flushed deep and heavily with unchecked rage.

He wondered if Ren was angrier at him for making him kneel, or at himself for wanting so desperately to comply.

When it was clear he wouldn’t move further than that, Hux let out a long, exasperated sigh. It shuddered, betraying his approval under the guise of annoyance. “I suppose this is as good as I’m going to get.” And silently, he relished that last little thread of defiance thrown in his face, of a man never truly willing to give everything away.

Not that he’d ever tell Ren that he’d enjoyed it.

Their eyes met, and the cold steel of Hux’s eyes tempered against Ren’s burning heat. He leaned in, and his hands wrapped around Ren’s face until the anger bled out, replaced by confusion.

“I wanted you here. Where I can look at you, and see every twitch and flush. Are you ready to listen, now? Or is there still fight left in you?”

There was an argument lighting up in Ren’s eyes. Despite asking for it, it was near laughable to ever hope for something as foolish as peace in that man’s heart. Hux was toying with him, just to see how far he would go.

When his lips tightened shut in silence, Ren proved that he was ready to go surprisingly far. He simply nodded in Hux’s hands and waited.

Terrible distractions began to tug at Hux’s thoughts when he registered that compliance. Terrible, heated distractions. He frowned - now was not the time.

“This is what I desire most.” Hux whispered, pulling Ren’s head closer until their foreheads touched. “I want to take you apart, piece by piece, stripped down to the very essence of you until I can see exactly what makes you tick. I want you bare, laid out until there’s nothing left to hide, and then I want to label and compartmentalize every section of you until I know you better than you know yourself. That’s how I want to know you, Ren. This isn’t some silly game of submissive and master. This is about so much more than that.”

All the anger had left Ren by now, but so had every other emotion, until all that was left was a blank slate that Hux felt inclined to mold. His fingers brushed up the length of his cheekbones, and then tightened around his hold until he could feel every breath the man took. He felt bare, himself, for all that he’d spoken of baring Ren to his whim. “I don’t feel this way about many things, and for people; even less. You should feel honored.”

The word _honored_ sounded much more like it was meant to be _scared_.

“What about Rey?”

The sound of her name stung at Hux, as though he knew Ren wouldn’t allow more than a few moments to pass before thinking of her again. The Admiral sucked in a deep breath, and felt the sting lessen when he realized he was no better. “Yes.” He admitted, in a soft chuckle. “Her, too.”

He waited for a reaction that would never come; and slowly learned to accept that as the seconds ticked by, and Ren remained still and pliable in his hands. When he looked up at those dark eyes again, they were clear. Unburdened. Hux found this strange.

“And what is it that you want, Kylo Ren?” He asked, forcing the emotions to come flooding back into Ren’s face. “Do you even know?”

He guessed the answer was no, but found himself pleasantly surprised to be proven wrong again when it came. It was quiet, and shaky, and he knew Ren was having difficulty expressing himself. The Knight had never been eloquent with his words. 

“To be worth-” His voice stalled, and then died. It wasn’t even a proper sentence, and Hux could imagine the countless unfinished words dangling off the end of it, but Ren shuddered to a stop once he’d admitted what he thought was his deepest secret.

But in truth, Hux had known that about him for a long, long time.

“It’s not an easy thing.” Hux reminded him. “To prove yourself worthwhile. Will the journey there discourage you?”

He knew the answer was going to be yes, over and over again. Ren shook his head no, but there was no strength behind the move. His faith in himself was minimal, at best.

“Will you help me?” 

Hux’s lips pursed tight until they all but disappeared. “I’ve already promised as much, though I’ve begun to suspect I alone will no longer be enough. Have you given up hope on me so quickly?” Instantly, Hux saw the response bloom wildly in front of him, and a shock of regret sizzled through his veins. 

Ren was moving, closing in on Hux even as he tilted backwards in an instinctive move to get away. “No.” He strangled out, capturing Hux’s face in his own hands until the Admiral couldn’t pull away any further. “No.” He repeated, his voice hushing to a whisper now that he’d closed in. “I believe you. Hux, I believe you.”

His last word had barely escaped before his lips smashed desperately against Hux’s, twisting until he felt the satisfying press of heat against him. He took, and took, barely coherent to the whims of the Admiral as he forced the man’s mouth to part and give in.

Their conversation had been dangerous, unsteady ground Hux that had been treading warily on until that moment. But this; the warm, wet demand of lips against his, a punishing tongue forcing its way into him, a possessive set of hands holding his head and refusing to let him move; this, he knew. This, he understood. This was a response he could return without hesitation. And he did, with fervent vigor. His hands slid to roam a clothed chest with insistent fingertips, searching for a way under the robes to the overheated skin that lay beneath. He dug until his nails were scratching down, as though he could simply tear it away to find what he wanted.

The last thought he had was of how sloppy and amateur Ren’s frantic kisses were, before it was all ripped away from him in a rush. He was left with his hands perched in the air, red, swollen lips, and a swimming head full of questions.

Ren stood up straight and turned Hux’s seat carefully until it was positioned properly facing his desk. 

“Of all the things I did not expect from you, Ren.” Hux growled as he turned his head back up to glare at the stoic man behind him. “I shouldn’t have been surprised to find you an insolent, insufferable cocktea-”

A very quiet knock on the door of Hux’s office silenced him before he could finish berating the man behind him. Ren’s lips tilted up just slightly at the sound.

“We have a guest.” He pointed out helpfully, sounding more amused than Hux had ever heard the normally foul tempered man manage before.

“Come in.” Hux called out, slitting his eyes in a murderous glare before turning away from Ren. Without hesitation, his expression transformed to boredom mixed with the lightest tinge of surprise the moment Rey entered.

“Sorry to interrupt you, Admiral.” She breathed out, all in a rush. “But I have news! And I knew you’d - “

She finally noticed Kylo Ren standing there like a protective statue, with a half-smile on his face that had her staring. Her head tilted slightly to one side.

“Kylo?” She asked. “Are you - all right?”

His mood deflated, and his much more familiar glare returned. “Of course I am.” He sighed out, clearly annoyed that being in a good mood was cause for alarm. She picked up on his frustration quickly enough, and gave him a sharp nod before she moved up to sit, cross legged, right on Hux’s desk.

Now it was Hux’s turn to deflate, wondering when, exactly, this had become acceptable behavior.

“I’m glad you’re here, actually. It saves me a trip. Negotiations are over, so long as you agree to their terms. We’ve got our first meeting.” She was beaming from pride, and the fact that she’d disrespected his desk with her rear end seemed just a little less disconcerting to him.

“Well done.” Hux commended her, leaning in to rest his head against the back of his hands. “I’m prepared to listen to their demands. Tell me everything.”

He felt Ren shift behind him until he came into view, sitting against the side edge of Hux’s desk (surely even Force users had better respect for property than this?) to listen in. Rey seemed to take it as a good sign that Ren wasn’t storming out the moment she began speaking of the members of the Resistance, and their offered plans for rendezvous. In fact, Hux would have gone as far as to say that each time Rey’s eyes flickered to meet Ren’s, the pride in her expression and in her voice were no longer just for her own efforts, anymore. 

Hux gave Ren one single, knowing glance. _There_ , his eyes told the man. _One step closer to your genuine desire._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my darling [Serene](http://nuttypeachpirate.tumblr.com/) for beta reading this chapter because WHOO NELLY DID I NEED IT! And a huge, HUGE THANK YOU to my darling [Pepsi](https://persimonne.tumblr.com) who has BLESSED ME YET AGAIN with a gorgeous, unbelievable glimpse into a moment from the last chapter, [Kylo crying in Rey's arms](https://persimonne.tumblr.com/post/149843809587/breaking-point-ch-29-by-the-wonderful). I mean. COME ON. HOW FUCKING GORGEOUS AND HEART BREAKING IS THIS?!?!? ~~also kylo's robot arm's peeking out there mmmm~~
> 
> Honestly I love this community so much and I love how we're basically all just a huge group of people who keep throwing things back and forth at each other in the hopes that we can make each other smile. 
> 
> So I hope this chapter made YOU smile, my sweethearts. Thank you for everything!


	31. Chapter 31

Rey did not enjoy the connection her mind created when she looked up at the towering, pressing heft of the plant she’d been growing in her glass containment unit. It hadn’t been given long to flourish, but she’d expected it to expose itself as a weed eventually - and sure enough, when she came to see its progress, the lack of predators had given it enough time to bloom unreasonably large. Long, thorned tendrils were pressing against the glass, immobile and yet somehow giving off the impression that they were pushing and bearing down to break it. 

Rey’s plant had grown quite out of control, and her lips turned down when she thought of just how efficient a metaphor this was to the state of her affairs in that moment.

She donned her hazard suit and grabbed a comically giant set of sheers, determined as ever to get at least _one_ of the things in her life back where it belonged.

When she was done, the floor had two inches worth of refuse on the ground around her feet, digging into the suit with each step. She dropped the sheers without care of where they fell, and they instantly disappeared into the mess of plant debris she’d pruned away. What she was left with was small, leafless, and bare. It looked obscene in its starkness, shivering despite the lack of wind as though a plant could somehow have shame. She’d left nothing but its first few vines, and a single, drooping purple blossom.

“Sorry.” She huffed out, catching her breath from the exertion of her work. “But you gave me no choice. It’s either this, or I send you back home to that wretched cold. Or I kill you.” She laughed at the absurdity of speaking to the plant as though it had sentience. “But I’d rather not give up on you _that_ easily.”

She heard a slow tapping at the glass behind her, and turned to see through her visor the distorted vision of Kylo staring down at her. It was difficult to tell the nuances of his facial expression, but from what she could see, he was frustrated and bewildered.

 _That makes two of us._ The thought burned through her mind bitterly, before she could force herself to push it away.

She stripped off the hazard suit in the sliver of containment between the inside of the glass dome and Kylo, waiting impatiently outside of it. As she did so, she brushed briefly against his thoughts, digging for answers she knew she had no right to uncover. If he’d felt her (and she knew he must have) he gave no indication of it; his mind was impenetrable, regardless. She felt more blocked off from him than ever.

Standing in front of him once she was sanitized did nothing to soothe the feeling, as she stared up at him with pleading eyes and found neutrality in return.

“You’re leaving in an hour.” Kylo informed her, with a voice that matched the flatness of his expression. The reminder gave her an answer as to why he’d schooled himself so thoroughly before finding her, but that did nothing to assuage the anxiety bubbling up from the moment she’d seen him. 

Then she let his words settle, and something clicked.

“Me?” She bit the word out hastily. What she received back was nothing more than a raised brow, and a tilting head. He said nothing, forcing her to continue. “Am I to be meeting them alone, then?”

“Of course not.” Kylo scoffed, turning with an unnecessary flourish to walk away from her with the assumption that she would follow. When she didn’t, he could feel the lack of her against his side, and he’d barely made it a few steps before he paused to wait for her.

Hope was coming off of her in waves. He felt he’d been made solely to dash it.

“You’ll be accompanied by Admiral Hux and a small unit of Stormtroopers. It will be perfectly safe.”

He’d never even turned to look at her to say it. And she knew, now, that no amount of blocking could shield him from the way her heart clattered with disappointment.

“But not you.” Rey clarified unnecessarily. It forced him to turn his head over his shoulder, barely able to look at her through downcast eyes.

“Not me.” He answered, in a slow, exhausted sigh. “You know I can’t, Rey.”

“I know you won’t.” She stormed up the few steps to find his side, reaching down to unfurl his tightly clenched fist and slide her fingers between the spaces. He felt the warmth instantly through the leather, and closed his eyes as she continued to speak. “But this is about more than the past, Kylo. If this was the life you wanted to live, regardless of how many people you had to hurt to get to it, then it’s pointless to hide from those people now. But if this isn’t what you really wanted, then all the more reason to - “

His hand clenched hard around hers, before he ripped it away. He knew that if he kept his fingers intertwined with hers, he’d hurt her. He clenched his fist again, until his own hands burned with pain.

“I _left_ them - “ The mask of neutrality had broken, but even as his voice wavered with emotion, his expression only darkened. “I left _her_ for Snoke. His path was the life I’d chosen to lead. Snoke. I killed for _Snoke._ And to what end, Rey? Look at where my path lies, now.”

The grip of his own fist wasn’t enough pain, and he roared as he swiveled his arm to slam his hand against the wall, burying it into the unforgiving plane of metal to leave a fist shaped indent. 

Rey’s steps had stumbled her back, away from his reaction out of sheer instinct.

“I belong here. Obviously. There’s no point in discussing this further. I’m staying on this ship, you’re doing your job, and that woman is never to see my face again.”

“That _woman_ is your mother, Kylo.” The bite in Rey’s voice had reached a phenomenally bitter level. “And she’s not given up on you. Whether or not you want to see her is irrelevant. She wants to see _you_. _Despite_ all you’ve done, _your_ mother still wants to see you.”

Kylo’s eyes flashed with guilt, but it was quickly replaced with anger. He surged forward, towering over her inches away until his proximity stole her breath. “Don’t you dare make this about you, Rey. This isn’t about you.”

Her jaw dropped as his accusation hit, and she reached up to punch him straight in the stomach. He felt the pain grip at him, despite feeling physically prepared for such an assault. Her punch had his stomach muscles aching with discomfort.

“How _DARE_ you assume such nonsense. You have no right to speak to me that way. I don’t need to be an orphan to see how selfish you’re being right now, and bull-headed, and - and I’ve had enough of it. If you can’t face your mother just because you’re too ashamed to deal with the consequences of your own life decisions, then I’m _GLAD_ you’re not coming with me.”

It wasn’t the punch that had his body trembling, crippled with agony, now.

He wished that he could believe her when she spoke such cruel words to him. He wished he couldn’t feel how her heart broke to say it.

“I’m _glad._ ” She repeated, her trembling voice echoing that break. “Then I won’t have to look at you anymore. It’ll be my _pleasure_.”

It hadn’t taken long for him to tear at the tenuous fabric of their friendship with one merciless swipe of his rage. He’d been told to work for her trust, her affection. Instead, he’d insulted her and forced her back from what little progress they’d made.

She’d gone quiet, half-expecting him to throw her words back in her face. When she registered the guilt in his expression, she recoiled.

She wasn’t done being angry with him, yet.

It was stupid, thoughtless of him really, to snap his arms out and gather her into them. She was enraged, and therefore didn’t want to be there, trapped in his determined embrace. She thrashed and tried to pull his arms off of her, but when she realized he was speaking in hushed whispers, she had to stop to hear him.

“I didn’t mean to.” He whispered, half of his sentence too quiet to be heard. “Dumb. Thoughtless. Ignorant. Forgive me.”

She did not want to forgive him. She wanted to punch him until he cried, and then walk away and then refuse to speak to him. For weeks, perhaps.

Days, maybe.

Hours, at least.

She clung to the last vestiges of anger as they tried to slip away, and kept them as close as she could, stubbornly refusing to let them go.

“I float, now. In a half-life.” His whispers remained too quiet, forcing her to strain in order to hear them. “I have no direction. Snoke revealed himself as a liar. I’ve spent my entire life with that man’s voice in my head, and now - now I hear nothing but myself. My voice, quietly recounting all of my failures and betrayals one by one in a list, starting over as soon as it completes.”

Her body sagged in his arms, until he was all that kept her on her feet. 

“I would turn to the Knights if I could.” He admitted, his arms shaking as they refused to let her go. “But they, too, have abandoned me. I have - nothing, Rey. I will not face her with nothing.”

Rey knew nothing about the Knights save for that one single scrap of a vision, where she’d seen them all behind him in the rain. Her curiosity soared, clawing at her chest desperately in an effort to force her to ask, but this wasn’t the time for it, and she knew that.

She pressed her forehead against his chest, and he shuddered.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He pleaded, his voice still whisper-soft and silken with regret. “Please. Forget everything I said.”

“I won’t.” She admitted, feeling the buckle of his head when she denied him. “Because you won’t forget anything I’ve said, either. You know we don’t work like that.”

Despite the lurch of his bent over body, she could feel the faint, vibrating chuckle. 

“I know what it feels like.” She’d hesitated to speak again, but when she did, it all came out in a rush. “To be this lost. You think you don’t have a purpose. You can’t see yourself in the future anymore.”

His head lifted, turning those unfairly soulful eyes directly at her. She was too close to him, and it disoriented her.

“You survived.” It was a statement, but the question in it was implied. _How_?

She thought back to the wall of marks, etched up and down the metal of her AT-AT. Each of them indicated another day where she’d triumphed over the nothing of her life. Not just another day waiting.

Another day _living_.

“I counted the days.” She admitted. “One by one, on the wall. Thousands of them. Still there, as they always will be, I imagine. Each one of them reminded me that I lived, that day. I wasn’t living for a different day than that one. Just that day. I just had to survive that one day.”

The concept eluded him. She could see it in the curl of his lip, the crinkle of that impressive nose of his. He couldn’t imagine living life from day to day, without purpose. Without resolution.

She shrugged, and brushed the matted hair from his forehead. “It worked, didn’t it?” She reminded him, indicating with a flourish of her hand that she was still alive. 

“You lived for the day your parents returned.” He reminded her, his arms immediately tightening around her as if he was frightened the truth would scare her away. “I know this. I’ve felt it.”

He was right to tighten his hold around her. When she frowned, she immediately squirmed to pull away. “That was hope, Kylo. That’s different.”

“How?”

“It just _is_.” She muttered, her squirms taking on more strength. “Will you let go of me?”

He knew she would only anger further if he pressed the issue, so instead he dropped it, but remained firmly attached. “No.” He told her, with a frank honesty that almost had her accepting it.

Almost.

“You’ll have to let go of me sometime.” She pointed out snarkily, pulling her arms out from underneath where he’d pinned them so she could fold them up between them and give herself room. “Or have you changed your mind about coming planetside with me?”

She saw the briefest falter as pain flickered in his eyes, but it was washed out as quickly as it had come. Instead, he smiled a crooked, disarming smile, and she instantly, painfully realized where she’d seen it before.

“Absolutely not. I’ll just hold you until then.”

Exasperation won out over the gnawing ache of surprise that smile had pitted in her, and the tiny, anxious flutter she couldn’t quite recognize. “Don’t be ridiculous, Kylo.” She sighed out. “I have to pack. I need a shower. I must do a million other things before I leave and I’m not doing _any_ of them in your arms.”

“Fine.” He growled out, releasing her only long enough to swivel his hands under her knees and knock her balance off until she fell into his waiting arms. “Then just until you’re back in your quarters. By then I’m sure I’ll be sick of you.”

She screamed as she was lifted into his arms, howled even through his words, and struggled to make every step more difficult for him until the doors to the gardens hissed open. Once they had, she stilled to a lump in his hold, and folded her arms up stubbornly in front of her once more.

“You’re a brute.” She informed him with a pout.

“Not the first time I’ve heard that.” He retorted, recalling at least four separate occasions when Admiral Hux himself had said almost exactly the same thing. “It won’t be the last.”

“Why did I ever begin to enjoy the grating presence of your company, Kylo Ren?” She asked, more to herself than to him. Still, that same smile and the heft of his arms preceded his answer.

“When you figure out the answer to that one, you must promise to share it. I’m _dying_ to know.”

Rey didn’t know whether she was ready to accept the changes that were sinking their teeth slowly into Kylo Ren, even if they _were_ all positive ones. The sense of humor, the outright mischief, and most of all his sudden comfortability with manhandling her simply because she’d gone and done something as simple and inconsequential as comfort him in his sleep. She was fighting against selfish pride, that her influence had started slivering cracks into what must have once been an impenetrable shell of obstinance. She didn’t want to feel good about that. It felt disrespectful to so many others who’d tried, both alive and dead.

She didn’t want to feel painful, clenching surges of hope clutching at her heart every so often, whenever his bootfalls thumped gentler than usual on the durasteel floor.

But there was a lot of hope to be had, and she was never very good at ignoring the best in people.

She stopped struggling, and reached out to grab one of his ears instead, pulling them hard until he pulled away to try and get her off. He’d reached her quarters by then, and happily dropped her back on her feet with a rough shove in order to get her away from his ears. One gloved hand reached up to rub the offended appendage, with a boyish scowl that marred his features.

“There.” He barked out. “Now go get ready. You’ve wasted enough time.”

She watched him rub his ear far longer than it needed, and the scowl on his expression never quite went away. Rey wondered at how much he seemed to hate that particular assault, and stored that information away for later use. In case he thought to try and carry her off anywhere again.

Next time she’d go straight for the ears.

“And you?” She piped up at him, leaning up on her toes hopefully. It finally stopped him from rubbing his ear, using his hand instead to hit the controls for her door.

 _”Still no.”_ He assured her, but there was so much less pain in his voice, this time. Even if it was the same answer, it still felt like a victory.

Still, she pouted, and turned on her heel to rush into her quarters and away from him as quickly as possible.

Kylo felt her departure physically, like walking away had just ripped a bandage off of an open wound.

“At least,” He added suddenly, stopping her in her tracks. “Not this time.”

She was right, and even he started to realize it in the smile that bloomed on her face right before she shut the door. That had been a victory for her, after all.

* * *

It didn’t take her long to prepare for the trip. Rey had nothing to consider her own, including the clothing that Admiral Hux had sent to her quarters on a near weekly schedule. At the very least, he’d gotten her two sets that did not sport the First Order logo on its arm, this time. The spare outfit, and the remaining underclothes and toiletries she thought she would need for an overnight stay, were all folded up neatly in a small satchel that slung over her shoulder.

On top of it all, the lightsaber rested.

There was nothing left for her to do now but wait.

She sat down on the edge of her bed, sunk into its soft plush, and tapped her fingers nervously against her knees. Her eyes rested on the door, as though Hux was only minutes away from stepping through it to collect her.

He wasn’t.

Nearly an hour later, after she’d given up on sitting and flopped back onto her bed to stare at the ceiling, the door finally chimed to indicate someone had arrived. She leapt to her feet and grabbed her bag, hurrying to the door with a rush of adrenaline pumping through her veins. She felt a heady mix of conflicted emotions when it came to this trip, but it all boiled down to her desperation to move forward. They were finally going to _do something_. She was going to see her friends, and they were going to change the world together.

All of them.

Still, even as she opened the door and breathed out shakily through her nervous smile, she knew all of this would feel wrong without _him_. That shadow of a thought, one that she was sure would stick with her until she returned, was sure to spoil what should have otherwise been an exciting, relatively positive trip.

“Rey.” Hux greeted her by name, reaching out an upturned hand automatically. “You’re ready. I’m glad.” His eyes flickered down her form, before returning to her face. She waited for some kind of reaction, and found him impassive. “White looks good on you.” He offered, though she wondered if he’d simply chosen the color as an unspoken show of solidarity by his side. “I requested a second outfit, did it arrive as well?”

Rey patted the bag by her side, and he nodded. He seemed to want to say more, but when she put her hand in his, he let whatever was on his hesitant tongue slide. He plucked her hand up and wrapped it under his arm, leading her away to the shuttle that waited for them both.

“I take it all efforts to change Ren’s mind have failed miserably.” He whispered, curling his fingers around hers. Rey’s eyes rolled in exasperation as she nodded, earning a comforting pat against her hand. “I had similar luck. Try not to judge him too harshly. His situation is rather complicated.”

He’d murdered his own father, the General’s husband. Rey didn’t see it as complicated at all, but very, very simple. Leia deserved to speak to him, face to face. All in all, Kylo’s reaction was unbearably selfish.

And yet, every time she reached out to him, she caught a faint echo of the agony the man felt in the pit of his stomach whenever he merely thought of his own mother. Even that tiny whisper of pain felt crippling. He dealt with that guilt on a near daily basis. Perhaps he wasn’t ready to face his mother, _just_ yet. 

But soon. The words _not this time_ had sparked just a little hope for the future. She vowed to make sure to keep him true to his word, in any way possible; it was the least she could do for a family that had lost so much already.

Still, even if she’d known he wasn’t coming with them, Rey had naturally assumed he would see them off at the shuttle. When they arrived, there was no sign of him, nor could she even feel the faint thrum of his pain vibrating through their bond anymore. He’d closed himself off so completely that it jarred her, leaving her with an acute sense of loss.

“Hm.” Hux hummed beside her as his eyes roamed the bay with feigned disinterest. “I had thought..”

“Me, too.” Rey interjected in a disappointed whisper, pursing her lips into a frown. “But he’s nowhere nearby. Locked himself up both physically and mentally.”

She guiltily enjoyed the crack of disappointment Hux allowed his expression to expose. At least she wasn’t alone in this. 

“A bit childish.” Hux jeered, turning back down to her with a smirk. “Wouldn’t you say?”

She grinned up at him, and her arm squeezed affectionately around his. “I _would_ say that. Kylo Ren is being a big, stubborn baby.”

She almost felt something - a twinge, gone as soon as she’d caught it. Good - she hoped he _had_ heard her.

No, a quieter voice reminded her. No, she didn’t.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Hux reminded her, tugging on her chin with his forefinger and thumb as he led her through the two Stormtroopers that stood guard on either side of the shuttle’s open back. “But I am dismayed by his absence, nonetheless.”

Rey’s grin only managed to widen at the admission, and Hux’s hand left her chin to press down against her lips, closing them. “Stop gloating. You’re just as bad as him sometimes.”

She took far too dramatic of offense, gasping loud and theatrically. He ignored the spectacle, as well as the sound of hard boots hitting the grate behind them as they were escorted into the shuttle by the two guards.

Hux settled her down into the co-pilot’s seat, and unhooked his cape before flourishing it off of his shoulders and settling it around the pilot’s chair. He didn’t bother to strap her in this time, because there was no rush - so she sat there unstrapped, and turned her head around to peer at the two walls of white behind their chairs.

“Did we really need them?” She asked, frowning unhappily at what amounted to two rigid statues of First Order symbolism. Neither soldier moved at first, until she spoke again. “No offense to either of you, I’m sure you’re very good troopers, but this is a peace mission.”

The Stormtrooper nearest her turned his helmet towards her for a moment, as if considering whether her comment had given him enough leeway to speak. The other remained still, rigid and fierce in his duty. Rey looked up at the mask that had tilted towards her, waiting for something - anything, really - but it was Hux who spoke instead.

“Indulge me.” He murmured, waving a hand idly. “I only brought one for each of us. A little extra security never hurt anyone.”

She knew exactly how much of a lie that really was, and her narrowing eyes never left that tilted helmet.

Underneath the armor, the Stormtrooper fidgeted, before finally raising one hand and waving in a quick, non-committal manner. It seemed a strange gesture for someone who was supposed to retain a sense of conformity, and it perked her curiosity. She parted her lips to ask him his name, but Hux’s hand reached out to tap on her seat buckle, reminding her to strap herself in before he took off. He’d already begun warming the engines, and if she wasn’t mistaken, he’d picked up on her curiosity.

And, to no one’s surprise, he did not approve.

She turned back around to buckle herself in, sparing one last glance over her shoulder once she was done. “What about them? They don’t have straps.”

As if on cue, both men reached up to their side and gripped a heavy leather loop, holding on tight as their only security against a crash. Rey’s eyes flickered from the strap, to the trooper, back and forth, before she let out a gust of air and shook her head.

“Ridiculous.” She muttered, settling back into her seat. “One of them at least could sit down in Kylo’s-” She bit her lip, amending herself far too late. “The extra seat.”

“It is a point of fact,” Hux murmured, far too pleased with the feel of the engines roaring underneath him to be upset at Rey’s interest. “That the armor is more comfortable when standing, than seated. You should try it sometime.”

What a strange thing to say. She remembered how big the helmet had fit over her head, and scoffed. “And you know this from personal experience?”

“Of course.” Hux finally tore his eyes from the stars to give her a gentle smirk. “I wouldn’t put my men in gear I have not personally tested for all factors. Strength, mobility, and yes, even comfort. When have you ever known me to do anything lackluster?”

Something about the idea of Hux in a Stormtrooper suit made Rey sink back into her seat and curl into herself with blank confusion. She couldn’t quite picture it, but what she did manage to imagine seemed so wrong, so out of place.

She didn’t like it.

“We’re fine, Miss Rey.” The tinny vocoder did little to hide the voice behind the mask, which suddenly struck her as familiar and had her swiveling back around at the sound of it. She couldn’t recall Hux saying her name while the Stormtrooper was present, but it couldn’t exactly be private information. Still - 

“Do I know you?” Rey asked, and the question startled Hux into full attention. Why would there ever be a reason for Rey to _know_ any of the Stormtroopers, he wondered? The clanky nod of the Stormtrooper’s helmet made matters worse, but he pulled himself away from the scene to focus on the stars - and the reflection of them both in the viewport.

“We met in the caf. Just for a second.” He sounded embarrassed to admit it, as if he was sure she would never remember the brief clash. Fortunately, she remembered it all too well - and unfortunately, she was just as embarrassed about her behavior as he was about bringing it up.

“Right. No, I remember. I didn’t catch your name though.”

“BN-450.” The sound of it felt too crisp, like he was reporting for duty instead of introducing himself. Her expression pinched with distaste at the numbers, and she started to turn back around in her seat.

“All right.” She murmured. “But I still think you’d be safer sitting down.”

Briefly, as if she couldn’t help herself, she heard a single thought zip through BN-450’s mind too loudly, and sunk down into her seat. He wasn’t used to anyone caring about his safety, and he appreciated it just a little too intensely. 

“So.” Hux’s voice startled her, and she jumped before focusing on him. He gave off the impression of loose, steady comfort, but she could see just how white his fingers were against the ship controls. He’d listened to the entire affair with no visible interest, but Rey was getting used to his tiny, almost unseen tells.

She gave him a wary smile.

“You’re making friends with my men, are you?” His voice, carefully light and trained with amusement, betrayed nothing of his true intentions. Only his fingers were telling Rey the true story behind his question. 

“Actually, BN-450 is the only Stormtrooper that’s ever spoken to me directly. I don’t know if I’d consider that ‘making friends’. Is there a problem, Admiral?”

Her smile turned just a little too sharp for his tastes.

“Of course not. I’m surprised, that’s all. Pleasantly surprised in fact. News of your attempts to reach out to members of the First Order are, strictly speaking, _remarkable._ I encourage it.”

“Do you?” She needled, leaning in to get a better look at him. He only smiled, reaching his fingers out in an automatic instinct to brush his hand against her cheek. He pulled away before the hand reached her, suddenly aware of the troopers at attention behind him. Instead, he lifted his hand back up, and patted her head.

“I do.” He assured her, in a voice that sounded far more genuine than his previous one. She believed him, if only in part - and now that she had nothing to tease him with, she had to return to the truth of the matter - that she was struggling to see Stormtroopers as individuals, and not a mass army of destruction.

Even with the casual, almost friendly face behind the mask of BN-450, she felt a distancing, a dissonance that wouldn’t quite allow it yet.

The shuttle ride fell quiet, then, broken only by the droning hum of the ship that protected them from the dark around them, and the soft, steady intake of her own breath.

It was twelve hours to their destination. It was going to be a long, tense ride.

* * *

Once hunger had claimed Rey’s full attention, she tugged the straps off of her and stood up to move about the shuttle. She pulled herself up tight when she slipped between the two troopers, who were both intimidatingly tall compared to her. Neither of them paid her any heed, as far as she knew - they were twin pillars, and she treated them as such as she passed through and headed for the small, cold panel that held what little perishables they had on board. The trip should have left them with no need for fresh food, and she would have been fine with portion packs to sate the hunger that scratched at her from the inside - but this was Hux’s shuttle, and she shouldn’t have been surprised to see fresh fruit waiting for her inside the small, single panel conservator.

Peaches. _Her favorite._

She pulled one out and closed the panel, climbing on top of a flat, round table nearby and sitting on it. Eating gave her the time to think, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing - the first train of thought her mind wandered towards was inspired by the flash of white plastisteel she could see from her seated position, peeking out around the corner. They hadn’t moved, not even to see where she’d gone.

He’d spoken to her. BN-450 had tried, two times now, to reach out to her, and she’d treated him unfairly. She couldn’t see past that armor, and the weapon in his hands. She couldn’t see past his duty, to glimpse at his intentions.

As she nursed the peach messily, the guilt of how she spoke to those men - and how she thought of them, settled in like a heavy, unwelcome weight.

“BN-450.” She called out, watching him jolt as his designation was called. “Come here for a moment, please.”

The Stormtrooper let go of the handle he was holding, and noisily walked the small distance until he was standing in front of her table. His weapon was secure on his side, and his posture was stiff, almost robotic. She could see the reflection of herself in the shine of his perfectly polished visor, and wiped the peach off of her chin with the back of her hand.

This was very, very difficult.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered out, following the words with an immediate frown. “I wasn’t very friendly, back at the caf - and now - and I have my reasons, but - ”

His helmet tilted to the side in an almost comical level of confusion, and she shrugged as her words fell short. “You deserve better. At least, everyone deserves a chance to prove who they are. I never gave you that chance. So, I’m sorry.”

She felt a twinge, a moment of distant weakness from the man who’d refused to come with them. Kylo was too tied up with her to hide everything, so she was pleasantly surprised when she caught glimpses of emotion slipping out at his most desperate points. Now, it was anger and regret she felt, and let out a soft hum of laughter.

It served him right, she thought. If he was regretting his absence now, it meant he wouldn’t hesitate to come with them the next time. She smiled, a distant and fond little thing. It was almost too easy to forget that the Stormtrooper in front of her was still watching her, trying to figure out what to say next.

“Bean.” He whispered, leaning in just slightly in a conspiratorial maneuver. Rey snapped out of her reverie to look back up at the Stormtrooper, eyes widening with confusion. 

“Excuse me?”

He looked over his shoulder, before repeating himself. “Bean. That’s my name. I mean, I thought - you might want to know - “ But instantly he was second-guessing himself, and he straightened back up to full form, rigid as ever. “Nevermind.”

But it was too late for that, now. She grinned lopsidedly, and breathed out a laugh, then immediately felt guilty for it. “Is that a customary name, where you’re from?” 

His subsequent laughter soothed her worries. “I couldn’t tell you. That’s what my team named me. I tower over them, you see. Like - a beanpole.” 

She wondered if he was blushing, underneath that helmet. He sounded like he was, but there was no way to be sure. She bit her tongue before outright admitting that it was cruel to name someone after their outstanding differences like a taunt, stopping herself just in time. There were unspoken social rules to the life these men and women led. She knew none of them, and had the common sense to keep herself from criticizing their choices.

So instead, she held her hand out, as she would anyone who’d just given her their name. “It’s nice to meet you, Bean. I’m Rey.”

He breathed out a short huff of a chuckle, and took the offered hand. “I know that.”

She was shaking a Stormtrooper’s hand. The worn leather and cold grip of large hands sent a chill up her spine, and when she pulled away she rubbed her fingers against each other out of sheer instinct. She could feel some sort of fine powder lifted from them. She didn’t want to know what it was.

“Would you like a peach?” She asked him, wiping her hand on her shirt before reaching for another one. Bean stiffened at the offer, before shaking his head.

“I shouldn’t.”

The quiet, but ever tangible presence of their pilot, his commanding officer, kept Bean from making such an easy mistake. Rey frowned, and held the peach she’d taken out for him in front of her. She should have let it slide, and put the peach back. She knew that.

She did.

“Hey, Hux?” She called out, a little louder than necessary.

“Mm?” Hux’s voice was crisp, clear, and not a single decibel higher than necessary. She figured he’d been listening, the entire time, so the request couldn’t have come as a surprise.

“May I give BN-450 a peach?” She asked, laying what she _hoped_ was some sort of charm on. In her own head, she thought she sounded absolutely ridiculous. She was sure Hux felt the same.

He let the question stew and simmer tensely in the air for a few seconds as he considered his options, before turning his head just enough for her to see his face. He looked well practiced in disinterest. “Of course. They do eat, you know.”

She grinned up at Bean, who’d already begun to tug at the securing for his helmet and pull it off of his head. His hair was plastered back by a thin black hood, which he immediately pulled off. He looked like he’d been overheating in that thing.

Comfort, Hux had said. Rey pursed her lips and kept back her criticism.

“Thank you, Miss Rey.” Bean said, taking the peach in his dusty glove and bobbing it once into the air before bringing it to his lips to eat. 

“What about you?” She called out to the other Stormtrooper. “Do you want one?”

Instead of the kind of surprising friendliness she’d already come to expect from Bean, this Stormtrooper gave her a much colder reception. He shook his helmet no, and kept his attention straight ahead. The perfect soldier, Rey thought.

That was what she’d expected of Stormtroopers.

She climbed off of the table and returned to her seat, carefully avoiding the other Stormtrooper as she slid in to the cockpit and strapped herself in. She leaned towards Hux, who seemed only mildly less thrilled to be flying again - and grinned.

“ _He_ regrets not coming. I can feel it.” She whispered to Hux, keeping names out of the conversation for privacy’s sake. “Do you think it’ll make a difference for next time?”

Hux smiled leisurely into the reflection of the viewport, and gave her a curt, but pleased nod. “I do believe it will, if you play your cards right. I’ve found it’s rather difficult to say no to you when you set your heart on something, my dear.”

Bean returned to his post, finishing up half of his peach before he held what remained out to his partner as an offering. The Stormtrooper beside him turned to look at Bean’s hand for a long moment, before reaching up and knocking it cruelly away. It clattered back into the ship, and Bean, properly chastised for his indiscretion, fumbled to slam his helmet back on his head. Rey watched out of the corner of her eye as he stiffened, and returned himself to stoic, inhuman silence.

So much for a friendly breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while! That's mostly because chapters like this, the ones that don't have exciting moments or huge plot or sexy sextastic moments, take me longer because I hate every second of em. But it needed to be written, despite how unimportant it might feel, soooo thanks for sticking with me and I'll be jumping on that next chapter quicker because I'm excited to get to LEIAAAAAAAAA
> 
> In the meantime, it's art time! My bae [Aicosu](http://aicosu.tumblr.com/) drew a scene from two chapters ago, where [Hux and Rey have a nice, important chat](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/150848812778/so-there-i-was-just-minding-my-own-business-in) and little things about his past come into light. She just dumped that on me when I wasn't looking and I was like OH, OH, WELL YOU CAN JUST END MY LIFE NOW THANK YOU. It's gorgeous and she's gorgeous and I love it soooo. ;;
> 
> And then. THEN. An angelic and hard-working user by the name of [jennity-blogs](http://jennity-blogs.tumblr.com/post/150850311316/jennity-blogs-jennity-blogs-so-ive-gone) came out of nowhere and SUCKER PUNCHED ME AND LUCY AND A BUNCH OF OTHER FIC WRITERS by doing some AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING PODFICS!! So if you've been wanting to catch up on your reading lately but don't have the time to sit down and read? Come and choose from the MULTITUDE of Jennity's podfics, all of them EPIC works by amazing writers, but also Breaking Point is there too, and just I can't okay, I just can't with her. I mean look at all she's done. HOW EVEN?!
> 
> So there's your goodies for today! Lastly I want to give a holler to all of you who are looking for somewhere to chat about Reylux or Kylux or Reylo or just ships and fics in general, our Reylux chat is public on discord and we'd love to have you!! It's real easy to join, you just need Discord. Come and join us, we'd love to have you! Instructions on how to join our chat can be found in [this post I made!](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/151080831133/reylux-chat-call-to-arms) We're a family and even if the SW fandom is starting to quiet down a little, we're still raring to go.
> 
> I'M GONNA SEE NINJA SEX PARTY NEXT MONDAY!! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FIC BUT I HAD TO SHARE!!! OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU


	32. Chapter 32

Rey woke up, startled by a hand shaking her shoulder. She rubbed sleep out of her eyes and sat up straight in the passenger seat, tracing the indents against her shoulder and collarbone where the straps had pressed into her skin. Hux’s hand was still there, just barely touching her now.

“You dozed off.” He informed her, as if it wasn’t already obvious. He pulled back to return to the controls, and his chin nudged upward to urge her attention forward. “I thought it prudent to wake you up before we disengage light speed and exit hyperspace. Pity. You looked peaceful.”

Rey imagined how awkwardly she must have been slumped against the straps of her seat, possibly drooling, definitely snoring, and gave Hux a dubious glance. At least peaceful wasn’t actually a compliment, otherwise she would have called him out on it.

“I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep. I was watching the patterns in hyperspace pass us by, and then suddenly you were shaking me awake. I feel like I’ve cheated my way through the - trip.”

Her voice stuttered when they dropped out of light speed, and her sentence finished lamely from distraction. This wasn’t her first time witnessing a lush, fruitful planet from above; but that failed to dull the thrill and longing it wrought from her. She sat rigid and straight in her seat, falling silent just to focus all of her attention on the view.

The planet; impersonally named T-459x as it hadn’t been colonized and officially named yet; looked like a very ripe, green fruit. It was spotted with grey clouds and bumpy, imperfect. The closer they got to it, the more that description began to fit the bill. It was messy, untamed, rough and unsafe looking. Most of all, it looked - wet. All those grey clouds were constant, off and on showers that kept the planet from ever truly drying out.

She loved it instantly, despite the distaste on Hux’s expression when she finally tore her eyes away to check on him.

“Rain.” He deadpanned, glaring at the storm beating against the viewport. “I confess I’ve had quite enough of it to last one lifetime. Let’s make this quick.”

She wasn’t used to his voice taking on that particular tone when speaking to her, but she was far too interested in hearing more about Hux’s rain to find offense. “Did you grow up with a lot of rain?” She asked, even as she scrambled out of her seat to follow his heavy march out of the cockpit. She could hear the thud of Stormtrooper boots behind them, dutifully following along. “You can’t have been in the rain recently. Would it still bother you that much?”

As the ship clanked open, Hux pulled his jacket collar higher, as if the air itself offended him. “Yes.” He answered, holding the crook of his arm out for her. “It is a feeling not easily forgotten.”

She slipped her hand under his elbow thoughtlessly, and lifted her head to inhale the scent of rain and greenery flush in the air. She could feel the humidity sticking to her skin, and it almost made her feel like they were walking through a cloud of water. Her hair stuck to her face and her clothing sagged with moisture; and she loved every minute of it. Simultaneously, she felt Hux’s sour tones over the weather and took notice that he’d left his cape inside of the cockpit. It made her smile, to know that there would always be something in this world that Hux and his grand designs could not completely control.

Until he designed a weather machine, at least. She slumped a little at how plausible of an idea that actually was.

The buildings ahead of them looked weathered and hastily built; she wondered if they were even buildings at all, or if they were simply sturdy square camps that the Resistance had put together for their meeting. When they arrived at the doorway, she reached out to touch the walls and found them as solid and thick as they should be. Not temporary, then. Just buildings, perhaps old enough to have lost whatever shine they once had, that were now being repurposed for secret rendezvous. 

Once her hand brushed on the worn stone, the feeling of hastiness fled. There was something purposeful to every mismatched block and cut, after all; hidden from the naked eye, but just under the surface, where it mattered. There was something special about this place, even if it didn’t exactly look like it.

She snuck a glance at the man beside her, and found him unimpressed. If Hux felt nothing for the buildings they strode into, then whatever she caught under her fingertips had to be Force related, and this wasn’t as neutral of a meeting place as she’d been led to believe.

_Kylo should have come._ She found herself musing, not for the first time - but for very different reasons, now. He would have appreciated this place, at the very least. 

An emissary of the Resistance was headed towards them, down a long, window-lit hallway. It was a woman, not much older than herself, and every feature of her face struck Rey as both gentle, and familiar. 

“Welcome.” There was distaste in her quiet voice, which almost made Rey burst out laughing to hear it. It was like a small, domesticated pet growling in warning. There was nothing truly threatening about it, and all Rey wanted to do was know her the better for it. “General Organa’s in the meeting room, she’s expecting you. Please follow me.”

She turned away without waiting for an answer, but Hux cleared his throat to catch her attention and force her to swivel around. She stared up at him, a little too wide eyed to keep up the petulant façade. 

“Not even a hello, Kaydel?” The Admiral’s smooth voice sounded amused, startling Rey once more. She didn’t recognize the name, but the woman’s face was pulling such nearly painful recognition from her that it only took a few more seconds before she matched up those war-hardened features with the gentle teenaged girl who’d been holding Mitaka’s hand and leaning against him in the old holo-projector image in Mitaka’s quarters. She sucked in an audible breath as the connection clicked, and she stared open-mouthed for a long, awkward stretch of seconds while the girl shifted uncomfortably under Hux’s overconfident lean.

This was Mitaka’s - his childhood friend, his _best_ friend, working for the Resistance. And Hux knew her. Hux _knew_ her.

A small shudder of fear for the girl skittered up Rey’s spine, and she shut her mouth closed before someone thought to ask her about it.

“Don’t.” Kaydel warned, her little voice trembling as she rose a finger and pointed it right at Hux’s smiling face. “You might be here to play peacekeeper with the Resistance, and that’s all well and good, but don’t think that extends to us. This is my job. I’m to bring you to the General, and then to your rooms. That is it, Xander. No games.”

Hux had the gall to look affronted, even surprised. He sucked in a dramatic inhale and turned to look at Rey, who’d schooled her features to near perfection until she narrowed her eyes at his display. “Games? Rey, she thinks this is a game to us. Frankly, I’m offended for the entire galaxy.”

Rey rolled her eyes and unhooked her arm from his to hold her hand out to Kaydel. “It’s nice to meet you, Kaydel.” She offered, genuinely - and a little overexcitedly - pleased at this coincidence.

The girl stared at her for a moment, trying to decide if it was best to just lump her in with Hux or if she deserved her own judgement. After a few long, tense seconds, she finally reached her hand out and shook Rey’s. “Rey.” She murmured, gnawing at her lip. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I hope all of it is true.”

That was Finn’s doing, she guessed. She flushed and looked away, trying not to think about all the ways her friend had been talking her up to any ear in the Resistance who might listen.

“Kaydel, my dear, whatever you’ve heard about her is likely far undervalued.” Hux’s voice had a dishonesty that was starting to tug at Rey, bothering her so much it kept her from taking his arm back. “But I promise, you will not be disappointed.”

Kaydel refused to look at Hux again. Her eyes remained on Rey, pleading, but curious. Rey wanted to shout at the top of her lungs, _I know Dopheld! He still has your picture!_ but something about the heavy coated sharpness she kept catching whenever Hux spoke to the girl had her holding her tongue. There was more to the situation than mere acquaintances - more that Rey still had yet to learn.

“Follow me.” Kaydel was still speaking to Rey this time, when she turned around and headed off to lead them to the meeting room again. Hux crooked his arm out for Rey once more, and she looked at it for a moment, before a frown shifted over her features. She barely shook her head, and followed Kaydel down the hall.

Hux was left for a moment with his arm still crooked, and all of the satisfaction draining from him until the arm fell. Perhaps he’d handled that a bit more poorly than usual, but Rey’s reaction had come as a surprise to him the way few things did anymore. This was a lesson to be learned, another careful annotation filed away in the logs of his mind to be put to good use later.

He stepped quickly forward with long strides to catch up to the two women, and the Stormtrooper who hadn’t followed Rey kept that pace with ease.

The meeting room felt as strange and crumbly as the rest of the building looked, with stone chairs and stone tables, and absolutely no technology whatsoever. Kaydel slid open the doors with her own hands, and then stepped aside to let Hux and Rey enter. She wanted to shut the door right on the Stormtroopers, but each seemed particularly well attached to their escort, which never gave her the chance.

She closed the door behind them all, and moved to the far end of the room. Rey had trouble pulling her eyes away from the girl, just to catch every feature that might have changed since the last time Mitaka had seen her. She wanted to tell him - well, everything, really. How she wore her hair, now. How her expression seemed to have lost the ability to truly smile. How gentle she still was, despite all she’d seen.

Rey’s heart hurt just to think of how long it had been since they’d seen each other.

General Organa stood the moment the door had opened, but she hadn’t managed to pull Rey’s attention to her until she cleared her throat. Rey snapped to attention, turning red with embarrassment when she realized that not only General Organa, but Hux himself and half the table was staring at her. She grimaced and moved inward, holding her hand out for the General to take.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, General-oh!”

The woman had taken Rey’s hand, and slowly, but firmly, pulled the girl into her arms for a warm and startlingly affectionate hug. She said nothing, she simply held her, and in the warmth of that hold Rey knew she was already attached. She felt a great swell of pity and sorrow filling her heart until she was sure it would burst. She held back the tears that were already pricking at her eyes, but it was so hard not to want to bury herself in this woman and forget that she wasn’t her own mother, for just one heartbreaking minute.

The moment was over too soon, and Rey was pulled away, held at arm’s length so that Leia could view her properly. Critical eyes scanned every one of Rey’s features, looking for something - signs of abuse, perhaps. Coersion. Manipulation. All she found in those wet hazel-brown eyes instead was a lonely girl who wanted nothing more than to make things right.

And that was good enough for her.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” General Organa said, barely holding back her emotion-choked laughter. “I’ve heard so much about you. About - what happened.”

In her words, Rey knew this was something different from what Kaydel had mentioned. She knew that Finn had told General Organa more than some vague compliments; it was unsaid, but the memory of Han, and what little time Rey had captured together with her husband had made an impact on them both. Now, Rey did not hold back the tears.

_That’s too bad._

She could still hear it, as if he was right there, in the room. 

_Chewie kinda likes you._

“Rey?”

She hadn’t even given notice to who the other people at the table were, until that voice ran through her like a bolt of lightning, and she was already walking towards him before she’d fully turned around. “FINN!” She yelped, all but collapsing into his large, waiting arms. She hopped up and he caught her, holding her an inch off the ground in a hug so tight it kept her from breathing. He was laughing against her hair, and her tears hadn’t quite stopped, so they simply kept sliding down her face when he held her. She hadn’t realized until that moment just how much she’d missed him. How much she’d missed _this_.

He finally put her down on her feet, but swiveled her in his arms instead of choosing to let her go. “Sorry, General.” Finn breathed out sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to steal her away like that.”

General Organa just waved her hand in understanding, but her eyes were flickering back to Admiral Hux with repeated interest. He’d been standing at attention, waiting for the opportune time to greet her, but now that she was free to accept that greeting she found him distracted, and ill at ease. His eyes couldn’t pull away from Rey and Finn as easily as an uninterested man should.

She’d caught that, almost instantly. But it was the length of time in which it took him to realize he was being watched, that really caught her by surprise.

“General Organa, it is an absolute pleasure.” Admiral Hux leaned in to take her hand, bringing it up near his lips and kissing the air just above it. Nearby, Finn was introducing Rey to Poe, and the rest of the Resistance leaders that had come to the meeting. Hux was finally focused on the General, but she saw distraction in his eyes, and let out a hum of interest.

“I wouldn’t really call our meeting a pleasure, Admiral Hux.” Leia admitted, her expression twisting with wry amusement. “After all, we’ve done a lot of damage to one another. You don’t have to be so cordial. I prefer my antagonists to be blunt and honest with me.”

“General.” Hux breathed out, his voice lowering with near inappropriate interest. “You paint me as a villain too soon. At least let me attempt to murder you in your sleep, first.”

Despite the way the officer to Leia’s left tensed up at the seductively offered death threat, Leia simply burst out laughing. “That’s more like it.” She chuckled out, slipping her hand away from the Admiral and turning to face the group. “Now we can get started. But first - Rey?”

Rey was in mid-conversation with Poe, half-entranced by the account of his last X-Wing flight, when her name caught her attention. She looked at the General in confusion, until the rise of Leia’s brows and tilt of her chin reminded her that she had forgotten something.

“Oh.” Rey breathed out, swiveling her sack around to open it. “Right!”

When her hand wrapped around her lightsaber, she had Hux’s full attention once more.

“I made an agreement.” She explained, catching Hux’s eye and the narrowed look in his eyes. She’d forgotten to speak of it, since she felt she was the only one giving anything up to make this work. But in his expression, which was becoming more clear the closer she got to him and the General, the more she was now realizing that Hux did _not_ appreciate surprises. “They needed something as collateral.”

The room had gone painfully silent, broken only by the shifting whine of plastisteel armor as a Stormtrooper shifted.

Rey hesitated once she stood beside Hux, questioning herself even as she held the lightsaber in her hands and looked up at him. Surely he didn’t care if she handed it over to the Resistance, did he? They wouldn’t have some strange advantage over them with just one old lightsaber.

She couldn’t read his eyes. She tried, desperately, to reach out beyond his gaze and find some kind of reassurance that her sacrifice was a smart one. She found nothing from him but a solid, hurtful wall.

He moved aside, and let her pass.

With a deep, shaky breath, she moved her hand and held out the lightsaber to Leia, but her grip on it tightened almost instantly and her expression drained of color. It was a direct response to the rage flowing through her, and the piercing yell that flooded her mind from the moment she’d moved her hand.

_**THAT’S** NOT **YOURS** TO GIVE._

She felt dizzy, and her free hand slammed down on the table to keep herself from collapsing right there where she stood. Hux’s arms snapped out to catch her, holding her captive while the force of Kylo’s overwhelming fury possessed her every muscle. The lightsaber dropped from her grip, rolling off of the table until it fell to the ground. 

She could hear Finn screaming her name, but it sounded too distant and far away to be real. Besides, the only thing she could focus on was the pain that _he_ felt, the utter betrayal running through their bond rampant, crippling her until she was boneless in Hux’s arms.

“General.” Hux’s voice sounded unsteady, but still full of determination. “Perhaps we can begin these proceedings tomorrow. The trip seems to have been rather taxing on Rey here, and I’d very much like to give her the time to rest and recuperate before we begin negotiations.”

Finn was at her side now, but Rey seemed limp and unresponsive. “No.” He demanded. “She needs the med-bay. Give her here.”

Hux did not seem inclined to listen to the man who’d once been his subordinate, and the expression on his face gave Finn every indication of just how he felt about that demand. “Rest assured, she’s not ill. I’m aware of what troubles her, so you’ll just have to trust me. She needs time. To rest.”

“How the hell would YOU know what’s good for her, huh? Talking about trust? Trusting YOU? Are you out of your mind? I trust you about as far as I can throw you, so you give me Rey or I’m taking her-”

“Finn.”

General Organa’s voice cut through the sudden frenzy of Finn’s rampage, startling him into silence. When he saw her face, and the near imperceptible shake of her head, he let out a string of sounds that could have been words if he wasn’t so unbelievably frustrated. At best, they were garbled sounds of disbelief that finally ended in the end of his thought process, which was a half-screamed; “Taking _his_ side now?”

Poe clapped one hand over Finn’s shoulder, as much of a warning as it was a comfort. “Take it easy, champ.” He murmured, pulling Finn back a step. “General Organa’s got this under control.”

Finn did not look like he believed that for a single second, especially when the General returned to Hux and told him, with nothing more than a tight frown, “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow.” Hux agreed, quickly, before leaning down to whisk Rey off of her feet. “I look forward to meeting all of you formally then.” He addressed this to the entire table, even as he held Rey cradled in his arms. Bean moved out of the way and cleared his throat, barely managing to get out the first syllables of an offer to take the girl if the Admiral wished, before Hux was already shoving his way through the two Stormtroopers and storming out the door.

“Kaydel.” General Organa called out, without looking at the girl. Kaydel rushed to the woman’s side, and Leia nudged her chin towards the departing forms of the First Order. “Show them to their rooms, please. And have the kitchen send them a meal and some water for Rey.” In a quieter voice, weathered with exhaustion, Leia sighed out. “I think they’re going to need it.”

* * *

After Hux settled Rey down on the chaise lounge in the first room Kaydel had shown them, he stood in front of her and watched her stuttered breathing. She was conscious, but something told him that she didn’t want to be. She hadn’t been ready for the emotions that had taken her, in that meeting room - and when she opened her eyes to slits and looked up at him, he felt the urge to comfort her so devastatingly within him, that he almost gave in and fell to collect her once more.

But he did not give in.

Because she wasn’t the one who needed comforting.

“BN-450.” He called out, refusing to turn to the Stormtrooper as he stood forward. “Guard the door from the outside, please. Make sure no one enters.”

“Sir.” Bean agreed, taking one step and tapping the second Stormtrooper to get him to follow. Hux heard the clap of plastisteel and turned his head up to look at them.

“Just you, BN-450.”

A quirked helmet signalled Bean’s confusion, but he was too well trained to question his superior’s motives. He nodded and saluted, before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

This left the second trooper in the room with them, shaking so visibly Hux could hear the armor plates clanking against one another. He sighed, and left Rey’s side to stand face to face with the trooper, holding his hands behind his back. His cold, glittering eyes stared fiercely up into the visor of the faceless helmet, waiting for the inevitable surrender.

The silence settled heavily on the two of them, before that helmet finally dropped just slightly in defeat.

When Hux finally reached up to unlatch and remove the helmet, the face inside was already scarred with lines of tears, both fresh and drying, along the edges of his ruined face.

“How did you know?” Kylo whispered, his voice cracking painfully.

“You think these men are faceless, nameless, to me.” Hux’s voice was so soft, it sent shivers down Kylo’s spine. “But I know them. I know them, Ren. And I know you.”

The helmet was dropped, and Hux’s hands were in his hair, on his face, pulling him down until he cracked and let out a broken, muffled scream against the gold trim on Hux’s shoulder. This was everything Hux did not want, everything he’d striven so hard to avoid, and yet he refused to let go of the man as the years of frustration and denial poured off of him in waves, reaching its boiling point the moment he had to watch that lightsaber handed away to his mother. He only grabbed harder, wrapping his arms around hard plates of armor that felt so wrong in such a firm embrace. Ren quieted down sooner than he should have, and Hux knew he was trying, desperately, to temper the flood and push all of his emotions back down under the surface again.

The sound of Rey sitting up was ignored, but her gasp when she realized who’d been under the helmet could not be. Kylo lifted his head and glared, driving guilt straight through her heart until she slumped back against the chair.

“Don’t.” Hux whispered, despite having never moved an inch to witness the interaction or let Kylo go.

Kylo’s dark eyes flickered when his anger faltered, reading the implication - the warning - the _reminder_ in that one, gentle word.

“This isn’t her fault.”

He wanted to rail against the very idea of it. Of _course_ this was her fault. She’d taken the saber from him, but he’d let her keep it because he _wanted_ her to have it. He wanted it in her hands, if it was never supposed to return to his. He’d only wanted Rey - but instead, she was handing it off like it meant nothing, like it meant _nothing_ -

“You’re getting angry, again.”

“Of **COURSE** I’m getting angry!” Kylo screamed out, pushing Hux away so hard it forced the man to stumble back against the side of the chaise. “That lightsaber belonged to _me_.”

“Technically,” Hux said, adjusting his jacket carefully as if he wanted it to be clear that he was unaffected at being so haphazardly thrown aside. “It belonged to your family. If it’s to be considered a family heirloom, your mother has higher claim to it than you would.”

“Lightsabers aren’t heirlooms.” Kylo hissed out, beginning the lengthy, restless back and forth pacing that Hux guessed would last him the rest of the night. “They choose their owner.”

“And that one in particular chose Rey,” Hux pointed out lightly. “Did it not?”

Though his words did not stop Kylo’s pacing, Hux received a scathing look in reply. “Then she should have _kept it_.”

Rey, now fully recovered from the initial shock of Kylo’s heartbreak, was starting to stand up and wobbled. “This meeting was important-”

“Rey. Don’t.” Hux reached out and sat her back down, settling her on the couch and propping her head up on the pillows. “Speak to him if you must, but stay seated. I’d rather not have you nursing an injury in addition to all we have to deal with right now.”

Despite being seated, Rey looked adamant about defending her case. “They needed proof that I was serious. And they wanted something important in case things went south. And - honestly, Leia just really wants it. It’s all she’s got left to remind her of her brother - “

“HA.” Kylo’s loud scoff interrupted Rey, and she fell silent, slumping down into the pillows. As much as she wanted to argue her way out of this, he’d exhausted her with his own emotive explosion, and she couldn’t fight the memory of that anguish away. It still lingered in her fingertips, on the edges of her heart where she felt his heartbeat just one shudder past hers. She’d hurt him. Irrevocably, perhaps. She didn’t want to fight with him, anymore.

“You told me you weren’t coming.” She whispered, her brow furrowing as she finally took in the disconcerting sight of Kylo’s head jutting out of the body of a Stormtrooper.

“I wasn’t _planning_ on it.” He muttered back at her, still razor sharp on all of his edges. “But someone stubborn and cruel and _stubborn all over again_ kept trying to remind me that we’d lost you once, already. I wasn’t - I wouldn’t - I will not allow my absence to be responsible for losing you again.”

Of all the reasons for Kylo to coerce his way onto their mission as a Stormtrooper, the only one Rey hadn’t been expecting in that moment was to keep her safe.

The guilt tore into her with sharp, unforgiving claws.

 

Kylo’s expression twisted and fell, bowing inward just slightly, and she knew he was feeling that, too.

“I’d say I wish I wasn’t here to see all of that, but I don’t honestly know if I’d be more angry at you for doing so without my knowledge, than I am of witnessing it with my own eyes. I can’t even begin to imagine it.”

And when she tried to think of it, she found that neither could she. 

Kylo’s rage was subsiding, but that did nothing to assuage the melancholy that was taking control of him, sliding him down to the floor with a clank until he sat there in a mess of armor and limbs. Rey got up from the couch, despite the warning glance from Hux beside her, and took gentle, quiet steps until she stood in front of Kylo.

She got down on her knees, and very carefully, with ample time for him to push her away, crawled up until she was sitting in a ball against him, with her side pressed hard against his chest. He did nothing, at first, and she was just grateful that he wasn’t pushing her away. When she heard the click of plastisteel she stiffened, expecting that inevitable push.

He wrapped his awkward, armored arms around her, and she turned her face to press against the flat white hardness of his chest.

When she searched his feelings now, she could still feel it all simmering there under the surface. He was frustrated, and angry, and helpless; and he was trying, more than anything, to keep it all from lashing out at her again. She could feel that, above it all. He was _trying_.

“You’re never going to learn without a lightsaber of your own, now.” Kylo whispered into her hair, and she almost believed that he actually cared about that over his own gripping loss, for one brief second. She laughed, a hollow sound that Kylo could hear ringing false, and turned her head up to look at him.

“I hated sparring with you, anyway.” She admitted. He could feel how true those words were, how the trauma of their time together had turned her sour to lightsabers in general. Kylo wondered if that was part of the reason she’d agreed to the deal, in the first place.

It started his anger up all over again, until he felt Hux pressing his leg against his own side, vying for his attention.

“Can we all get off the floor, please?” Hux asked, in a resigned sigh. “It’s a little too uncivilized for me.”

They took their time standing again, but once they were up, Rey cried out in surprise as she found herself crushed between the uncomfortable plates of armor and Hux’s rigid, tense chest. Kylo had grabbed for the man, pulling him up until Rey was almost lost between them.

“You’re just upset we weren’t all over you.” Kylo taunted, earning a muffled, but no less obvious, snort from the woman between them. Still, she couldn’t believe that Kylo had managed to joke at a time like this. Despite how little she could breathe between them, she sucked in the first relieved inhale of air she’d taken since she’d handed over the lightsaber. Perhaps there was hope for forgiveness, after all.

“Wrong.” Hux pushed at Kylo, trying to release himself. It was a half-hearted effort, but he did not give up the attempt until he froze in horror at the slow, careful feel of Rey’s arms sliding around his waist.

Too much, this was too much, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

“I can assure the both of you, this is not what I had in mind.”

Neither of them argued with him, even though they seemed reluctant to let him go. Because, if they were going to be honest with themselves, none of this had ever been what any of them had in mind, either.

It just was.

* * *

As she watched on, Leia almost wished she hadn’t had the foresight to install security cameras in the guest quarters when she’d chosen this old temple as the site for their meeting. She leaned back on her chair, pressed a shaking hand to her lips, and watched in near horror as the entire scene unfolded to its anti-climactic (but no less frightening) conclusion. Whomever Finn thought Rey was or had been when he’d known her, he must have been sorely mistaken. True, the girl was indeed special; Han had seen that almost instantly, and Leia could feel it even now.

Special, but an awful, awful judge of character. And from what she could see, sorely lacking in any sense of self-preservation.

Leia let out a deep sigh. She could feel her age so deep in her bones, just from looking at the sight of her son - her grown son - and a murderer lest she ever forget - hugging that girl.

Hugging her until she all but disappeared.

“Rey,” She muttered, her low voice hoarse with concern. “Just what have you gotten yourself into?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gold stars to everyone who figured out that was Kylo, though it was quite a few of you so it's clear I am not the master of intrigue here x) 
> 
> OKAY SO just a heads up! This is my last chapter update until November - because I'm going to be both on vacation and also partying with some friends for the rest of this month, and also because I'm going to need a nice big break before I dive headfirst into November. That's because I'll be participating in NANOWRIMO this year as always - but this year instead of writing a new novel I'm going to be using my nano wordcount goal to write more Breaking Point. So YAY LOTS OF STUFF IN NOVEMBER! So yes, I will be taking a break to prepare my poor hands and brain and also just really busy this month! Hopefully this chapter will tide you over until then. 
> 
> In the meantime, hit me up on tumblr if you want okay??? You can ask me questions about BP I'll answer everything, or you can just send me nonsense too I really don't care, I just love you guys and love saying hi :D
> 
> And hey if you're a writer or wanna be, there's an AWESOME exchange sign-up going on right now, check out the [Reylux Tropesgiving here!](http://purple-satan-fic.tumblr.com/post/151439210843/reylux-tropesgiving-exchange-2016)
> 
> And if you're also doing Nanowrimo PLEASE leave your Nanowrimo.org username in the comments so I can add you!! I LOVE ADDING PEOPLE ON THERE!
> 
> Hope you guys have an AMAZING HALLOWEEN!!!! BEST TIME OF THE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's just welcome back fluff

The awkwardness of waking up in Kylo’s arms was beginning to lose its effect, the more it happened. This time, when Rey came to her senses the next morning, it was a little easier for her half-conscious mind to process that she was effectively trapped in the too-warm embrace of his familiar arms, still so thick and long that they almost felt like they could loop around her twice if he tried hard enough. It was still shocking enough to pump adrenaline through her veins at the realization of losing her freedom of movement, but her mind began to catch up quicker, now. She remembered why she was curled up in a ball, burrowed into the black of a Stormtroopers stretchy bodysuit. She remembered enough bits and pieces of the night before; the argument, the hug, the subsequent second argument, the third, and then came the quiet whispers that were clawed out stubbornly between bouts of consciousness, as he carried her exhausted form to her bed and laid her there in an effort to make her stop talking. Her hands had clutched, needy and demanding, refusing to let go.

And so, he did not let go.

Now, awake and aware, she uncurled her body within the confines of his embrace and stretched out the kinks in her neck. The bed had been comfortable and wide enough to accommodate them, but she hadn’t taken much space in her wound up little ball. Now her legs unfurled, until her knees no longer pressed against his stomach and her toes could feel the sliding sheen of the fabric covering his legs. Her fingers unlatched from their vice grip on his chest, and her arms straightened as best as they could, with the outer one flopping against the dip of his waist.

She wondered, for a moment, if this was normal for people who’d grown close in trust and bonding. She wished she’d had more experience with the matter, or any experience with people at all. She’d never felt an awkwardness from him when he woke up to find them tangled together, but a very quiet warning voice in the back of Rey’s head reminded her that Kylo Ren likely had little experience with friendship and affectionate behavior, either.

Not for the first time, her mind drifted to his parents, and her brow furrowed with an aching frustration. She’d gotten only one bare glimpse into the life of Ben Solo, and she still remembered the pain aching from that lonely little boy. But now, far from those memories and still groggy with sleep, it was so difficult to comprehend what could have happened to force Ben Solo to turn him down a path as dark and deep as Kylo Ren’s. There were pieces missing; pieces she feared she’d never actually get a chance to find, because they weren’t hers to look for.

She looked up at the man who so readily held her, arms locked in an embrace that spoke of protectiveness and fear, and decided to use this moment to her advantage. He wasn’t waking up, which meant she could look at him; really _look_ at him; in a last-ditch effort to figure out what she was missing. 

She scooted up a few inches, and settled her head on the pillow beside him. Her movement had his face pinching, and she sucked in a breath to hold until she was sure it hadn’t been enough to wake him. Once time had ticked on, she breathed out in relief and watched the tips of his hair flutter in response to her breath. It served to distract her, but she didn’t focus on it. After all, there was so much else there to catch her eye.

The first thing Rey realized when she finally gave herself permission to search Kylo’s face was that he had an equal amount of odd, awkward features to balance out the ones that were objectively attractive. She knew that his hair was not a typical feature, and couldn’t even recall ever meeting someone with hair that shiny or voluminous; save for his mother, and even then Kylo still managed better. She’d spent a lifetime with her own hair, feeling the thin, wafty strands fall through her fingertips lifelessly. Whatever Kylo did to fight the pull of gravity against his hair was probably purposeful, and crafted. So there was one thing she could glean from his appearance; he cared about it.

Her eyes lingered too long as she stared; he cared about it a _lot_.

But there were other things to notice, like the handful of tiny black moles that peppered his face in inexplicably random formations. They weren’t freckles, like the ones that smattered evenly across the bridge of Hux’s face. They weren’t sunspots like the ones that darkened and matted her skin when she’d failed to cover herself properly. They were something else entirely, permanent and brutal, darker against the skin than anything she was used to seeing. She wanted to reach out and touch one, but she knew that would definitely wake him up.

Her fingers clenched automatically in response to that frivolous urge.

Kylo’s nose was prominent. It was a statement, a demand to be noticed in a sea of other, equally noticeable features. It looked too hard and angled to be unattractive, and Rey filed that under the list of features that she considered to be objectively handsome. They were not handsome to her, she told herself. It was just an assessment, in some vain attempt to glean all she could about him as she slept.

His lips, though. She was mature enough to admit that even she would have found those attractive, if she were the type to look for that sort of thing. They were too thick to be real, too plump to be ignored. They weren’t perfect, like Hux’s even lines. They were as asymmetrical as the rest of him, and just as demanding of attention.

She frowned, and gnawed hard on her own lower lip as if somehow she could force it to be thicker by pulling alone.

She couldn’t see his ears from the curtain of his hair, but she already knew they were just as big and demanding as his nose was. Her frown disappeared in place of a grin as she thought of just how imperfect Kylo Ren actually was, and how much better that made him as a whole. Did he spend his childhood worrying about his own looks? Was it as important then, as she guessed it was now? As easy as it might have been to try and place blame on egotistical shame, she doubted that had anything to do with his turn to the Dark side.

But it did make her bite back a smile, to think of Ben Solo picking out that horrifying mask just because he didn’t like the way he looked. She only found it funny in its impossibility, creating a caricature in her imagination of the man fussing in front of a mirror.

Her little experiment was devolving into irrational nonsense too quickly. She forced the smile off her face, and searched his features as a whole once more, determined to figure out more about him.

In the end, Rey concluded that Kylo Ren was the most unique creature she’d ever met in her entire life, and she was sure that there never was, nor would there ever be, another being like him in the universe ever again.

A great, comical sense of relief washed through her, and this time she _did_ laugh, helplessly shaking in his arms.

“What, may I ask, is so funny?”

The voice did not come from the somehow still sleeping man that held her, but from across the room instead. She tried to turn her head, but couldn’t see him until she gave up and shifted her entire body around until her back was pressed against Kylo’s chest. She felt the arms around her fuss and tighten, but otherwise Kylo showed no signs of waking.

Now, at least, she could see Hux. He was laying on the long couch, with his hands behind his head. His body looked rigid, but somehow still comfortable; as if _rigid_ was the only way a man like Hux could ever manage to sleep in. 

Despite having spoken to her, his eyes were staring very firmly at the ceiling. “Other than how your current position of diplomat has been demoted to that of ‘official cuddle plush’. Is that what’s got you giggling over there?”

The hazy, hypnotic peace that had clung to her thoughts while she’d examined Kylo’s sleeping form was stolen away from her like a yanked off blanket, and she was surprised to feel parts of her reaching desperately to try and get it back again. “It’s nothing.” She insisted, bitterness tinging her tongue. 

The sound of her voice had his brows raising enough to turn his head and stare at her, curious. “Is that so?” He replied, in clear disbelief. “Come now, there shouldn’t be secrets between us. Tell me.”

Hux did not want secrets between them; but Rey cleverly understood that to mean that he wanted to know all of her secrets, and keep his safely locked away. Her lips twisted in a smirk, and she closed her eyes to hide them from his prying gaze. “It’s silly.” She told him, brushing it off. “Don’t worry about it.”

She could hear the exact moment he’d pushed himself up off of the couch, and knew her insistence was just making him more curious.

Good. 

“Rey.” His crisp voice demanded that she open her eyes to look at him with just one single word - just her name, spoken so clearly it felt like a siren’s call. She opened her eyes again and found him sitting on the couch, with his hands folded in front of him and his elbows resting on his knees. He was leaned forward, feline and intent. And he was smiling.

He knew exactly what she was doing.

He always knew.

“I’ll tell you.” She acquiesced, but not without a price. “Come over here.”

“That is quite obviously a trap.” He pointed out, always several steps ahead of her.

She looked insulted, or at least she hoped she did. “What am I going to trap you with? Look at me. I’m already the one that’s trapped. I’m trying to let him sleep, that’s all.”

“Has anyone ever informed you that you’re a terrible liar?” Hux chirped out, far too amused with her little game to actually be wary. He stood regardless, and his long legs took him to the bedside in three simple strides, pressing his shins against the mattress. 

“Yeah.” She whispered up at him. “You. A lot.” She crooked her finger, beckoning him to lean in closer.

He let out an unimpressed snort of air at her boldness, but leaned in regardless. He didn’t even care to hear whatever it was that had made her laugh, anymore. He followed her relatively harmless orders because he itched to see just how far she would take her little ruse, and whether she understood just how dangerous it really was.

But deep down, in places within him that he dare not tread, he already knew that she didn’t.

“HA!” She exclaimed, snaking her arms out from under Kylo’s embrace and grabbing Hux by the elbows. She tugged him down and barely missed knocking his head into hers as he tumbled, awkwardly, down onto the sliver of bed remaining. His knees stopped him from falling on top of her, but once she gave up on pulling him he eventually slid down to lay on his side in front of her.

The weight of him, and the sound of her voice, had startled Kylo awake. His head rose up to stare at the both of them with glazed eyes, before his eyelids drooped down to flutter closed, and his head thunked back against the pillow. The night before had exhausted him, and he wasn’t ready to face the world just yet.

Even if it was a world where, despite the odds, he was laying curled up in bed with both Rey, and Hux.

He’d deal with that later.

“Was I not clear about my thoughts concerning sleeping with others, my dear?” Hux’s velvet tones whispered against Rey’s face, inches away due to sheer necessity. His eyes darted to her parted lips, where her tongue had snuck between her teeth and caught there in a devious grin.

“We’re not sleeping.” Rey pointed out, and she had him there.

“Quite right.” He admitted, his voice softening even further. The blanket that Rey had so desperately tried to find again was now falling like a spell over the lot of them, muffling the sound of reality until it was muted against his ears, like the silent ambience after a fresh snowfall. It was easy to forget, here. Easy to fall.

Here, he could accept that the innocence shining through her bright eyes was not a coy temptation, but a brilliant, pure joy that Hux typically refused to believe existed. He could accept that this impossible thing resided in an impossible girl, and only there. If she had to be so very different from the rest of the world, then he found he didn’t mind believing in things that had no right to exist as long as they only existed in her.

He’d gone quiet, and she’d noticed. His eyes hadn’t focused on her in some time, but when they did again, he found her searching all the features of his face.

She was looking for something. He wondered what.

She stopped as soon as he’d zoned in on her again, and gave her a smile that he hoped she would forget, or never search for again. It was an impossible smile for impossible things, and it only belonged here, under their invisible blankets of snow where no one but the three of them could see.

He watched her eyes memorize the smile, and it dropped as quickly as it had come, because he should have known she would never forget such a thing. Stubborn, stubborn girl.

“Wake him.” He whispered, nudging his chin towards Kylo. “We need time to prepare for the meeting, which is in an hour.”

Rey hesitated. Hux knew she was stalling, refusing to push off the peace she’d found in whatever small world they’d just conjured up together like children. She wanted to stay curled up between them, giggling and smiling and searching, and despite the aching pull that Hux felt just under his ribs to do the same, he forced himself to shrug the muted feeling away. 

“Hux.”

And just like that it was back, pulling him under by the sound of his name whispered off of hopeful lips. There was power in her breath, power he almost feared when he realized just how weak he had become to its whims.

“Do you think, someday, in the future-”

Hux sucked in a sharp breath, and felt the full sobering power of what could come from her words bring him back to reality.

“I think that you should wake the beast before I have to do it.” He interrupted her before she could say whatever the peace within her had begun to evoke, and sat back up off of the bed. “I’m far more worried about the immediate present than I am about any possible futures, and if we miss this meeting, we’ll have come here for nothing. So.” He leaned over and prodded Kylo with the meat of his hand. “Wake him.”

But the man he was prodding was already awake, with eyes that saw too much peering up at him critically. Hux realized that the clutch of fear and _want_ in his heart was being echoed effortlessly within Kylo; the strength of it was possibly enough to have fully woken him. He stood up off of the bed, collected himself until every emotion Rey had elicited from him was stamped out of existence, and gave Kylo a thin smile.

“You both have an hour before we’re expected. Make good use of it.” He warned, returning to the couch he’d slept on and stretching his long body out against it. He looked far more relaxed and languid than he had when Rey had first seen him.

She suspected that was on purpose.

“This is becoming a habit.” Kylo’s voice was in her ear, low and gravelly and powerful enough to make her suck in a sharp breath. He was doing that on purpose, but it was no less effective at causing little electric tingles to crawl under her skin. She turned her head to stare at him, narrow eyed with suspicion. He blinked innocently, and the faintest quirk of his cheek lifted one side of his lip. “It’s not a complaint. Just an observation.”

“There are a lot of things I hate about you, Kylo Ren.” Rey muttered, her lips pursing down in a pout. “But you’re very warm, and very comfortable, and I _like_ being close to people I care about. As long as they don’t make me feel uncomfortable about it, at least.” She turned herself around again so she could face him, and poked him square in the shoulder. “So if you’re not complaining about this, I suggest you stop whispering in my ear like that. I’ll be perfectly comfortable sleeping on the floor otherwise.”

“But not happy.” He answered, almost too quickly. She hated how easily he could feel her emotions. How the warmth of a strong, familiar pair of arms made her feel safe. Wanted. Cared for.

“No.” She huffed out sharply. “Not happy. But still.” The poking hand balled into a fist and she punched him softly against the same shoulder. “Don’t tease.”

He opened his mouth to say something, something dangerously close to an admission, something that wanted to assure her that nothing he ever did was a tease, if he meant it - and his lips shut almost as quickly, keeping those thoughts very firmly to himself.

“We should get ready.” She sighed out, still hesitant to leave her comfort zone. “Hux is right.”

“I don’t like that phrase.” Kylo said, wrapping his arms up tighter. On the other side of the room, where he could very much hear them, Hux let out a sharp chuckle. “An hour is a long time. We’ll be fine.”

Rey compared the man trying to convince her to stay in bed with him to the man who’d spent a night screaming directly into her face, and tried to resolve the dissonance between the two. Now, Kylo seemed calm, affectionate, caring even. And yet she hadn’t really given him a reason to treat her differently.

Except sleep. Was sleep really enough to let him forgive her for what she’d done? She found that hard to believe.

Despite how much she feared re-igniting his anger towards her, she edged herself closer. “You’re in a better mood than I expected.”

Sure enough, the words reminded him of the night before, and she saw the moment of recollection pass over his expression in darkening features. She expected him to pull away, or release her from his hold. He did neither, surprising her with his continued affection and freely given warmth.

Despite that, his words were flatter. “Well, I _was_.”

Rey’s expression turned wry and unimpressed. “So nothing’s changed? You’re still not going to forgive me for handing over your lightsaber?”

Without meaning to, Rey had used just the right words to settle those last strings of frustration vibrating against Kylo’s heart. She’d called it _his_ lightsaber. Not hers, not Luke’s, and certainly not Leia’s. Just his.

He reached down to cup her cheek in his hand, and the sound of her inhale made him smile.

“Your lightsaber.” He finally admitted, in a voice much quieter than she’d ever heard from him. He’d spent all night trying to convince her that it belonged to him, when in the end he’d always known the truth. “It belongs to you. I think you’re a fool for giving it away, but I think you’re a fool for many things. This is your mistake to make, now.”

It felt bittersweet, winning an argument she had already given up on. She thought she should have felt pride over being right, but she almost wished she’d been wrong. Then, at least, she would have been forced to ask for it back.

He was right. She really was a fool. And to lie in this bed, still locked in an embrace too affectionate to be ignored, felt like just more proof of that foolishness.

She turned to bury her head in the planes of his chest, and distanced herself from the unfamiliar welling emotion that had just begun to surface within, where no new emotions belonged. It felt similar to fear, but not the kind of fear that warned her the way it should have. It was that same fear she felt a second before she jumped off of a climbed edge, trusting in nothing but a rope to keep her from tumbling down to her death. It was the kind of fear she felt when she reached the bottom, and saw old, withered signs of those whose ropes had failed them. The kind of fear that reminded her she would be there, one day.

But not today.

“Are you - you know.” Her hands grabbed at the fabric on his chest again as the thought repeated like a chant in her head. _Not today._ “Going to the meeting as the ‘trooper? Or.”

She let the question die there. Saying Leia’s name out loud felt like rubbing salt in a wound.

“I wasn’t going to the meeting.” Kylo told her, shifting when she moved to arch her head back up and stare at him. “There’s no point now. I’m here to protect you - staying here is close enough.”

He was leaving his true reasoning behind, but she picked up on it easily. “Do you think anyone figured out it was you?” She still couldn’t say the name. She almost had, that time, but he knew what she meant regardless. 

“She knew.” He told her. “She always knows.”

“How?”

Kylo’s eyes flickered to meet Rey’s, feeding her answers in the silence through the murky toil in his gaze. Leia would always be able to sense when her son was near, just as she’d sensed when her son had killed her husband, far away.

She was force sensitive, too.

Though Leia had attempted to demand Kylo’s presence during the meeting, this new understanding of the situation still managed to fill Rey with a chilling sense of dread. “Will she expose you if you go? Is that what you’re worried about? Maybe if you come as yourself - “

“That would be even worse. For her _and_ for me. If I still had my mask, that would be something, but.” He faltered, and Rey was just proud of him for even considering it. As useless as it was, the fact that he didn’t simply brush off her idea without struggle meant the world to her. 

But he _was_ struggling. “It doesn’t matter what she said. That woman - all those people - they don’t want me there. They’re searching for ghosts.”

Rey heard an echo in the back of her mind, a memory of a scream on a bridge so far and gone that it sounded like a whisper.

“Ben.” She spoke it aloud, and her eyes caught the barest flicker of a wince pulling his expression back. “They want Ben.” 

He nodded.

Rey wanted to indulge in the frustration of the conundrum. Ben Solo was right there, laying beside her, arms tight and demanding around her curled up form. He _was_ , because it was a name, just a _name_ , and names only held as much power as you allowed them to. He was struggling with his loss of self, because he’d turned away from a life that he’d compartmentalized and labeled under the name ‘Ben’, then tucked away to be forgotten as much as possible.

But life didn’t work that way. He couldn’t simply erase his past just because he’d carved out a new, terrifying future. 

He was both Ben Solo, _and_ Kylo Ren. She wanted to be angry at him for not realizing this, but when she tried to gather the energy to do so, she simply felt drained.

“You control who you are, Kylo.” She reminded him, her eyes fluttering closed with an exhaustion that had nothing to do with sleep. “Not your name. Not your past. Just you.”

He fell silent for a moment, and she wondered if he thought she’d fallen asleep again. Just before she moved to remind him of the time, she felt a ticklish proximity against her cheek, refusing to bear down enough to press. It was so close that it brushed against the fine hairs against her skin, setting her nerves tingling with life. It was at least a handful of breathless seconds later before he finally pressed down, and she realized his lips had been doing that.

It was the most hesitant kiss she could have ever imagined, and she wondered what she’d done to deserve it.

“He would have liked you.” Kylo breathed out, from where his lips still brushed against her skin. “Stubborn, clever, strong.” Her skin was turning red and warm under his lips, but it had nothing to do with his proximity. These were compliments she sorely desired, but never expected from him.

“And annoying.” He finished.

She finally exhaled in a burst of laughter, and buried her face in his chest.

“So, so annoying.”

He was just proving her point further, the longer he tried to convince her that Ben Solo would have liked her for all these reasons. It was clear, by the way his lips tilted into the smirk she was starting to get used to, that these were the reasons he liked her, too. 

“But who’s to say I would have liked him?” She muffled into his chest. “Maybe he’d have rubbed me the wrong way. He was probably full of himself, over-confident, and moody, and reckless, and temperamental, and - “

His hand wrapped around her mouth, covering it so completely that his fingers were able to curve around her cheek. She let out a muffled cry of indignation, and glared up at him angrily.

“I get it.” Kylo grumbled. “He’s me. You’ve made your damn point, and now you’re overdoing it. I forgot to mention that about you, now that I think of it. You always manage to go a step too far.”

She couldn’t argue with that. She always managed to push him to the edge of a cliff, and then nudged that one last push over it. She fell quiet, but proved his point by sticking her tongue out to lick the palm of his hand. It should have disgusted him, but the way her eyes crinkled in mischief as she did it managed to distract him just enough to forget that she was being a brat.

Because even then, she managed to make him feel something on his own. Not her emotions, and not someone else’s, but something strong enough from his own heart to overpower the feedback from others.

It was worth a slimy palm to feel something that powerful.

“You’re disgusting.” He told her, with the thick affection of words that sounded more like a confession. She laughed against his palm, and shoved his hand away with both of her own. “Hurry up and get ready for the meeting before our Admiral bursts a capillary from impatience.”

“I haven’t even said anything.” Hux chirped out from his pseudo-relaxed position on the couch.

“I can _feel_ you from here. Impatient.” Kylo replied, finally unlocking his arms to release Rey and let her unfurl into a much needed stretch. He kept his eyes firmly on the Admiral, if only to keep away from the urge to watch her. She ruined his attempts when she sat up and moved back into his line of sight, tugging on his arm for attention.

“You should still come. Even if it’s just as the Stormtrooper.” She stood before he could argue it, silencing him with a lazily placed hand against his lips. “Just think about it.”

She left, heading for the refresher and leaving him stewing with exasperation on the bed.

If he attended the meeting, it would have to be in the armored suit. His true presence would do nothing but upset the already tenuous balance of the meeting, and nothing would get accomplished through the chaos and confusion. But if he went at all, and the General decided to expose him for who he truly was, that would be even _more_ chaotic.

Would she do that? Would she risk everything - this attempt at peace and an end to the most ravaging war in the galaxy’s history - just to get her son back?

His fists closed tightly in frustration. Yes, he told himself. She probably would.

Stubborn, stubborn woman. Almost as stubborn as -

“That was quick.” Hux called out, sitting up as Rey exited the refresher fully dressed and groomed. The second outfit he’d acquired for her was possibly the first dress the woman had ever worn, even if it was fit and efficiently simple. It was white, cut from the same cloth of his cape if Kylo guessed right; and it fell to her knees in a modest, flowy cut. There was not much to the design of it, fit for form rather than function, but her strong features filled it with lean, noticeable muscle and gentle curves. It didn’t need to be flashy to look beautiful on her.

As far as both men were concerned, she’d managed that all on her own.

“I was wondering why you hadn’t worn that the first day, but I find myself grateful that you chose to save it. After all, yesterday was a bit of a waste, wasn’t it.” Hux had already stood, stepping elegantly over to her and offering her his elbow. “You’ll find that being pleasing to the eye lends an ease to discussions of politics and debate. Any edge you can work in your favor is worthwhile.”

Rey leveled him with a withering look. “It’s a dress, not a magic spell.” She told him with a roll of her eyes, curling her hands up over her arms self-consciously. “They don’t care what we look like, just that we stop shooting at them.”

Both Hux, and Kylo, went very, very still. Rey felt the sudden tension in the air between them, and she turned to look at one, then the other, before her arms fell and she sighed.

“What.” She grumbled, almost angrily. “We _are_ going to stop shooting at them. Aren’t we?”

“Of course.” Hux whispered, clearing the sudden gravel out of his throat. He reached for her hand, and wrapped it under his elbow. “That’s why we’re here.”

We.

She’d said it over, and over, as if it made perfect sense to her. As if there was nothing unfamiliar or incorrect about grouping herself in with the First Order, and the two men she currently kept company with. As though becoming their diplomat had taken on another level of intimacy, to the point where she’d begun to think of the world as us, and them.

But they were the _us_ , now. No longer _them_.

Neither man pointed this out to her, for fear of frightening her to the possibility that her position at their side could hold long term potential, instead of what had previously been considered a more temporary situation. 

End the war. Find agreeable terms of long-standing peace. And then leave. Free to go wherever she liked. That had always been the plan.

Until the ease of _we_ charged both men with a small dose of dangerous, thrilling hope - and more importantly, a shared realization. They did not want this to end.

Hux aimed a sharp side glance at the man on the bed, and they shared a short, but meaningful look.

“You have ten minutes.” Hux muttered under his breath.

“Fine.” Kylo responded, crawling out of the bed and heading to the refresher.

Rey turned her head to stare at his departing form, and then gawked up at Hux with an open mouth and wide eyes. “Wait.” She breathed out. “Wait, wait, wait. _What_? How did you just - “ Her hands left his arm to wave wildly at the closed door of the ‘fresher, unable to articulate just exactly what she’d seen. “He just - no argument, just off he went, simply because _you_ said so?”

Her voice had pitched high and screechy at the end in disbelief, but Hux paid no mind. He reached for her hand back, and felt the stubborn tug of her trying to pull away again until he brought it to his lips instead of his elbow. When he kissed the back of it, she paused to narrow her eyes suspiciously at the gesture.

“My dear.” He murmured against the skin of the back of her hand. “You know how persuasive I can be.”

She knew he was dodging the question. Hux was persuasive, but he hadn’t done anything _to_ persuade Kylo in that moment, and whatever she’d missed between the two men was being kept tightly behind pursed lips. She slipped her hand away from his and reached out with two fingers, clamping his nose and squeezing it tightly.

“Careful, Hux.” She warned, even as he pinched with indignation at her childish touch. “You’re a better liar than that.”

That was true, he had to admit. He was.

Kylo did not need ten minutes to hook most of the Stormtrooper armor back onto his body. Everything but the helmet was in place when he exited the ‘fresher, leaving him covered head to toe in white armor once more.

He was quick to notice something that he suspected had been Hux’s plan all along, if he’d truly known from the beginning that Kylo was planning to sneak aboard their ship as a Stormtrooper. With Rey’s dress completing the look, the three of them were once more a trio of stark white, exhibiting uniformity where none had purposefully existed. He gave the Admiral a calculating look, and caught the discreet pleasure in Hux’s eyes. 

He’d definitely planned for this.

“Will _you_ share with me the reason why you’ve suddenly changed your mind?” Rey asked Kylo, laying her hands against the loose cinch of her dress waist. He leveled a flat look at her, and reached for the helmet, slamming it down on his head as a response. She’d get nothing from him, either.

Exasperated, Rey threw her hands up and headed for the door, followed by each man in turn. She opened it to find the back of a Stormtrooper uniform, guarding the door vigilantly. 

Bean.

Rey whirled around to glare at Hux, who had the decency to raise his eyebrows in surprise. “Tell me you sent Bean to his quarters last night.” She demanded, folding her arms up tight with accusation written across her features.

“BN-450 is well trained in overnight surveillance. All my men are. You underestimate his stamina.”

Rey’s furious glare did not abate, even if she was assuaged in the knowledge that this might have been a typical day of work for Bean. That still didn’t make her feel any better about falling asleep before making sure he was taken care of, and she sought to rectify that immediately.

She turned back to the ‘trooper, and pointed down the hall. “Bean, go to bed. That’s an order.”

The ‘trooper jolted, startled by the firmness of her demand. He’d already taken a step back before his head finally turned to confirm the order with the Admiral, who nodded his head with a near imperceptive movement. Bean saluted crisply, and with a respectful “As you command”, he marched down the hall towards the quarters that had been reserved for himself and the other ‘trooper last night.

It sent a shiver down her spine to see Bean so rigid and obedient. Not once had he questioned the fact that the other Stormtrooper had slept in the same room as Rey and Hux. Nor did it even occur to him to note that Hux, himself, slept in her room.

But she wondered if those particular bits of information would get back to the troops, once Bean was back on base with those he considered his friends. She made a mental note to talk to him on the trip back, once this was all over. Just in case.

“I suppose that means we’re down one Stormtrooper.” Hux pointed out helpfully. “It’s a good thing we’re not down two.”

The ‘trooper behind the two of them said nothing as he escorted Hux and Rey back down the hall, towards the temple’s meeting room once more. He wasn’t happy to admit that Hux was right, and his presence was more necessary than he’d initially thought. He wanted to stew in that unhappiness, and let it well him up until he was too full of it to feel anything else - especially once they neared where he knew his mother waited.

Instead, he felt emotions ebbing out from Rey, hard to place until he realized the call of it was _longing_ , and he pinpointed the cause. She was tightening her arms around herself, locked in inadequacy and hesitance over what she was about to do and how she would go about it. And in that moment, Rey wanted nothing more than to turn around and go back to that bedroom, climb back in her warm bed and curl back up into his arms.

She craved comfort, he reminded himself with a sharp, angry stab. It wasn’t his arms specifically that she wanted. Rey was a creature of comfort, and he’d become a willing servant to her needs. But it could have been anyone she trusted, he told himself. It wasn’t about him. It was never really about him.

But when she cocked her head just enough over her shoulder to peer at him, and he saw the tender, shy look in her side glance, he allowed himself to believe - just for a moment - that perhaps it could be a little bit about him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See told you, it's just fluff 
> 
> but lbr it's about damn time - and I'll be honest this chapter was so self-indulgent like I just sat down after this long ass vacation and I was like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and then this happened
> 
> Nanowrimo in full swing, I'm a little behind but that's because I started 5 days late which I usually do anyway, and I'm already halfway to catching up. Let's keep this show going! Actual fucking plot coming next chapter! Not just me indulging in my favorite threesome starting to crawl all over each other while simultaneously ignoring actual feelings!! Yay!!! Wait-
> 
> If you're curious, [here is Rey's dress from this chapter](http://images.lastcall.com/ca/3/product_assets/T/C/6/4/W/LCTC64W_mu.jpg). Thanks to my girl Sassy for helping me pick it out!
> 
> I MISSED YALL AND I MISSED THIS!
> 
> edit: ao3 did some weird crap with double spacing, I just went back and hand-fixed it all but if I missed any I'm sorry kdfjfsdkljds


	34. Chapter 34

Nothing about the meeting room had changed since the day before. Even the placement of those attending managed to remain the same, with Finn sitting closest to the empty seats waiting for Rey and Hux. When the doors hissed open, the attendees stood in nervous attention, and Rey paused in her step when she noticed it. The tension felt thicker than she remembered it; even though the edge of excitement had long past. No one was glad to see them anymore; it was all doubt and hesitance, now.

She walked in regardless, followed by the Admiral and the Stormtrooper behind her. They took their places at the table, while Kylo remained against the wall behind them like a vigilant, armed statue. Even then, no one seemed interested in sitting down.

Rey flickered her eyes at Leia - sure enough, the General was watching the Stormtrooper like a hawk.

“You seem to be missing someone.” Leia murmured carefully, waving a vague hand at the ‘trooper behind them.

“He wasn’t feeling well.” Rey offered as an explanation. “So I sent him back to bed.”

She’d caught Leia’s attention with that kind of explanation, earning herself a wry smirk and a knowing gaze. Leia’s eyes glittered with a mischief that melted the years right off of her, and Rey could see the woman from Kylo’s dreams in that smile. She returned the gesture, but only for a moment. 

For Leia, it was enough.

“How thoughtful. Was the First Order always that _thoughtful_ , Finn?” Almost everyone else’s attention turned sharply to the ex-Stormtrooper when Leia asked the question, except for the General herself. Her eyes were still flickering between Rey, and the ‘trooper behind her. She wasn’t being particularly subtle about her interest.

“ _Actually_ ,” Finn sounded reluctant to admit the truth, and his hand reached up to rub the back of his neck as he tried to find a way to get around it. “Health was top priority. If we ever got sick - didn’t really happen much, but if it did - we were sent to quarantine care and bedrest until it passed.” He sounded like he hated that he couldn’t fault the First Order for bad conduct in this, too. “Captain’s orders.”

“We have an excellent health program, General Organa.” Hux helpfully chimed in, keeping as much of the smugness out of his voice as he could. “We’ll be happy to share the details with you if you’re looking to upgrade your facilities here for better workplace productivity. I’m sure we have much to offer one another, when the time comes.”

He’d failed. The smugness was practically dripping from his voice.  
“Why don’t we all sit down?” Rey chimed in, desperate to get Hux to stop goading the General into ending the peace talks before they even began. She felt the murmur of agreement in the room, and pushed her seat out to get in it. Beside her, Finn reached out to tug on her hand, capturing her attention while they both sat down, and she leaned in to listen.

“How’re _you_ doing?” He asked, keeping his voice quiet despite the lack of sound in the room to hide his words. “After yesterday?”

She’d almost, blissfully, forgotten about practically passing out at the meeting the day before. Her movement to sit slowed, as though it could stall her away from answering the question. She was fine, of course - but Finn wasn’t going to accept that without an explanation.

What, then?

She nodded, unsurprised to see his eyes widen in a silent request for more information than that, and gave him a soft, hopefully genuine smile. “I think it was something I ate. I threw up when I got back to my room, and then I was feeling fine. It was probably just some bad fruit on the ride here.” She was a horrible liar - even she knew this - but she hoped that mentioning something as uncomfortable as vomiting would turn him off from pressing the conversation further.

And she was right. He winced, and then patted her back a little too hard. “That’s rough, buddy.” He admitted, leaning back in his chair. He was more than done with the conversation - and Rey was free to let out a short sigh of relief. When she turned her head to her other side, she found a pair of cold, hard eyes staring intensely at her, filled with entirely too much interest. Hux looked - she couldn’t quite place it, because she’d never seen it before. Proud? Devious? What, exactly was she looking at, swirling openly in his gaze?

It disappeared in a blink, and he reached out to pat her hand fondly as if to assure her he’d never let her know.

“I’m ready to hear your case, Hux.” General Organa interrupted the quiet moment with a sharp impatience, nearly stealing Rey’s breath away with surprise. The Admiral turned to Leia, smiling as though the continued disrespect of not using his official rank didn’t bother him in the slightest. She returned a mirror of his smile, and waved her fingers at him. “I’ve been looking forward to hearing this.”

Rey bit her lip, and her brow furrowed with frustration. She thought she’d been the one who was supposed to figure out a solution for the both of them - but she was no politician, and no war expert either. Still, she’d been trying her hardest to find a way for everyone to be happy.

She hadn’t yet _succeeded_ .. but she’d been _trying_ , damn it.

“I had rather been hoping this would be a mutual transaction, General.” Hux admitted, his lower lip twitching in what was probably meant to be a frown, if he cared enough to express it. “I have many ideas, of course - as does Rey - but I thought you’d be bringing just as much to the table as we would. Was I mistaken in my assumption that you want peace as much as we do?”

Leia didn’t hide her reaction - she openly scoffed at the idea of the First Order wanting peace. “Oh no, believe me, I’ve got ideas - but you’re not going to like a single one of them. If that’s what you’re hoping for, we’ve got a real problem.” She flickered her eyes at Rey for a moment, critical as they stared her down. “Rey’s got something, you said? Maybe we should start with that.”

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Rey began to panic almost immediately. This was what she’d thought she’d be doing here, but for a moment she’d been allowed to grasp onto the relief of Hux taking over, only to be thrown back in without warning. Now she was twice as nervous as she had been, and all eyes were on her. She had to find all that courage she’d been working up for the last few days, and put it to good use.

She felt Finn’s hand wrap around hers again, squeezing hard. She stared at the contrast of her own hand against his and smiled, instantly comforted by his presence. He believed in her. They believed in her. She could do this.

She could do this.

“There’s bound to be a million steps to making a formal peace, but I suppose when I thought about it, I tried to focus on what the first few steps would need to be. So, a treaty, perhaps? Something signed, official, public. I think the biggest problem right now is that not everyone in the galaxy is on the same page concerning who’s right, who’s wrong, or more importantly, who’s in charge. It’s kind of all amuck, isn’t it?” She thought back to her time on Jakku, and how little the lives of scavengers were affected by - or were even aware of - the war. “With the New Republic gone, there isn’t any clearly defined system in place to govern - systems are being left to their own devices, and I imagine a lot of that is rather chaotic right now. I think, a public gesture might help tie things together. For those systems who were used to knowing who to turn to - both Republic and First Order controlled - and probably feel a little lost right now. Is that - am I wrong?”

Her gaze turned immediately to Hux, staring up at him with eyes entrenched in open trust. As she’d spoken, she’d focused on his familiar presence at her side, and his quiet energy settled around her. For a few moments, it almost felt like he was the only person she was talking to - and it had made the words flow so much easier, until she questioned herself. When her eyes settled on him, and her expression furrowed as she waited for his judgement, Hux sucked in a very small breath, and held it.

He had thoughts on the matter. Oh, he had thoughts, and he wanted to lay them all out for her to pick at and put together in ways only a scavenger could. But for a moment too long, he held his breath and just reveled in her trusting gaze.

The hand that had been holding Rey’s on her other side unnoticeably released it, and slid away.

“A treaty means we have to agree on something before we can go public with it.” General Organa interrupted the silence with her own response, with a tightness in her voice that forcefully pulled Hux’s attention away. “What, exactly, do you propose we agree to?”

“Why, a ceasefire, of course.” Hux offered easily. His eyes were on Leia now, intent and confident and strong. Even so, Rey felt strangely involved, as though his attention had never quite fully strayed away from her. It left her feeling important. “The First Order agrees to cease all military attacks on any civilian or New Republic based targets, and vice versa.”

“What about the systems under your regime?” Leia quickly countered, as if the question had been waiting at the tip of her tongue to be thrown in Hux’s face. “You’re not going to release them?”

“I assumed we were discussing our first steps, General.” Hux chuckled out. “Not every subsequent step after. This initial treaty should be a ceasefire. Settle the dust, give the galaxy time to recover, and then hash out the details.”

“You call the freedom of countless lives just mere _details_ to be hashed out at your leisure?” The conversation had turned sour in the blink of an eye. Leia’s voice had already begun to raise, practically yelling at Hux despite the calm and collected manner he retained in the face of her outburst. “A ceasefire’s only going to benefit you if you’re still out there trying to gather worlds under your power and build up your forces. If you think it’s going to be that easy, which I _know_ you don’t, then you’ve got a lot of nerve wasting my time here.”

“General Organa, please, that’s not at all what we’re doing. I promise you!”

“We?”

It was Poe’s voice - one she wasn’t used to hearing - that caught Rey by surprise with the gentle prod. She turned to look at him, confused by the term for a handful of seconds before the weight of what he was saying settled on her shoulders. How was she supposed to be an impartial player in this meeting if she was already subconsciously referring to herself as someone aligned with the First Order? It was just one simple word, but it put the entire balance of the discussion in danger. She slunk down against the back of her chair, struck silent by Poe’s observation.

“She meant she’s not here to help the First Order out.” Finn shakily supplied, desperate to help Rey just as much as he was desperate to believe in her. His hand was back around hers again, but this time, she did not squeeze back.

Leia, she noticed, looked more devastated than she expected. This should have been a triumph for the General; finding chinks in Rey’s already weak attempts to bring the two sides together. Instead, she looked as though Poe’s word had somehow lumped _her_ in with Rey, too.

It made no sense.

“This is getting us nowhere. Unless you’ve got something else to offer, Admiral Hux - “ The use of his official title startled Hux away from the troubled gaze he’d settled on Rey. “ - Then I think it might be time to escort you back to your ship and end this charade.”

Hux was not done. Not nearly. “If you’ll allow it, might I have a word in private? Just the two of us.”

The Stormtrooper behind him shifted slightly in place.

“As enticing as the offer is,” Leia chuckled out, laying it on too thick to be an accident. “I think you’re barking up the wrong tree, here. Whatever you have to say to me in private isn’t going to change my mind - you’ll find I’m much more stubborn than all my colleagues, here.”

“I believe that.” Hux countered tightly. “But I wish to speak of things leaning towards a more personal nature than a galactic war. If that’s all right.”

Leia regarded him for a long, agonizing moment, before nodding in agreement. He assumed that she had some inkling as to what he wished to discuss, but was pleased to see so little persuasion would be in order, regardless.

He stood, and Rey immediately followed. When he turned to her, he gave her a questioning look, before she slumped back down in her chair. “Sorry.” She muttered, still stewing with her own frustrations. “I wasn’t listening. Are we leaving?”

Her lips pursed tightly around the word we, this time, and Finn’s hand tightened just as much.

“Not just yet. The General and I will be speaking in private first. I trust you wouldn’t mind waiting here with your friends until I return?” His icy gaze flickered up to meet the suspicion in Finn’s, before they returned to Rey and melted to tenderness immediately. Rey had already turned to Finn, tugging on his hand before nodding.

“Yeah. Finn owes me some proper introductions.”

The matching glare Finn had been sporting broke at that, and he smiled down at her sheepishly. 

“Excellent.” Hux’s voice was sharp, punctuating each syllable with a little too much force to be natural. He moved to Leia’s side, holding his hand out politely to help her up. “Lead the way, my lady.”

Leia looked highly unimpressed with his display, and slid one last glance at the Stormtrooper standing at attention against the wall, before leading Hux out of the room.

“That was a whole bucket of awkward, right there.” Poe breathed out, relaxing against the table as he shifted his seat closer to Finn until the former Stormtrooper was forced to slide closer to Rey as well. Poe leaned in and gave Rey a wide, carefree grin, resting his chin on his arms. “So, I hear you want to be properly introduced to me?”

“For crying out loud Poe, right off the bat?” Finn put his hand on Poe’s face, playfully pushing him away. Despite how frustrated Finn was trying to sound, Rey could tell there was less agitation there than there had been the first time Poe had attempted to flirt with her, over the holo. Something had changed for the better, and for that she was glad. 

At least _something_ was going right, around here.

“That could have gone a hell of a lot better.” Poe admitted, around the edges of Finn’s hand. “But at least nobody killed each other. So that’s a plus, right?”

Rey hadn’t said a word since Hux had left, but it was only then, as both men turned to her for her input, that she’d felt like she even had to. She could have been perfectly happy staying silent, watching them drive each other mad.

They looked as though they clearly felt otherwise.

“Do you agree with General Organa? Do you all believe the First Order is just using this peace - and me - as a ploy to get more power?”

Finn and Poe shared a long, dubious look.

“It’s not that we don’t believe _you_ , Rey.” Finn began, with Poe interrupting him so easily it felt as though they’d practiced it.

“We know your intentions are good.”

“We’re behind you on this, all the way.”

“But we’ve seen what they can do, what they’re capable of.” Poe’s hand reached out as far as it could go, to wrap over the one Finn had clasped of Rey’s. “They killed so, so many people. They tortured people, Rey. They tortured me. That’s not the kind of gang I tend to put my faith in when it comes to making honest decisions.”

Rey’s hand slid away from both of them, and wrapped around herself. She realized, a little belatedly, that none of the Resistance knew what Kylo had attempted to do to get the map out of her head, when she’d first been captured. She wondered if that was what Poe meant by torture - but she got the feeling that it wasn’t.

There was something a little more broken, a little more haunted in his eyes. She tried to make sense of it.

“I know what kind of people they are.” Rey assured him, leaning in to lower her voice. The others in the room - who hadn’t even had a chance to enter into the conversation before General Organa had shut down the meeting - looked as though they were leaning in as subtly as possible, in order to listen. “But that’s why I’m there. Don’t you see that? As long as I’m involved, no one else is going to die. And there won’t be any more of this - “ Her hands waved in agitation. “ - Superweapon nonsense. I have his word.”

“His?”

“General Hux.” Finn rolled his eyes so hard it was comical.

“Admiral.” Rey corrected. Her voice was sharp. She could tell that Finn had noticed.

“You’re asking a lot of us to put all our faith on the word of that guy, unless that word is _fire_.” Poe had a habit of saying exactly what was on his mind, without a filter or concern. Rey was beginning to learn that about him, and she couldn’t decide if she liked this characteristic of his or not.

“You can’t control them, Rey.” Finn’s voice was much more serious, and much more concerned. “You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” She muttered through a frown. She didn’t want to control them. She wanted - the thought came unbidden before she could censor herself, but she was glad she hadn’t said any of it out loud.

She wanted to believe in them. She wanted to, so very desperately.

Without thinking, her head tilted an inch in the direction of the Stormtrooper before she stopped herself from turning all the way. She couldn’t even look at him, right now. It was torture.

_Since when do we need to look at one another to say a word?_ His voice felt like a balm to her nerves, quietly growling in the back of her mind. It was enough, to know he was there.

Just like always.

“But I can control what happens while I’m around. I’ve told them both as much. If you don’t believe me, just ask them. Ask them what I promised if they so much as hint about another massacre, or plans for a new superweapon. I can guarantee you it won’t be pretty.”

Her threats would have had a little more weight, if she’d kept her lightsaber, she thought. (He thought? She couldn’t quite decipher if that thought had come from her own mind, or snuck in through his. He was just devious enough to get one last jab in before truly dropping the matter.)

“Remind me not to get on your bad side.” Poe chided, his wide grin returning to his charming face. She grinned back at him, and nodded sharply in agreement.

“Yeah, well,” Finn breathed out, neatly positioning himself in the way of that grin. “General Organa’s still not going to let this happen unless she feels really secure about this. And I can’t blame her. Hux is a slimy, underhanded sneak.”

“ _Hux_ ,” Rey hissed out, strong enough to jar Finn out of the sullen mood he’d put himself in by speaking of his former superior. She sounded like she was about to yell at him for his insults, but she stopped herself before any such reprimand came out. 

“.. is much nicer than you would believe.”

“Nice?” Finn choked out. “ _Nice_?! He led the Stormtrooper program, Rey. Do you wanna talk about how _nice_ reconditioning is with me, right now?”

She’d almost forgotten that Finn had no idea of the changes made since Starkillers destruction, but she still felt a pang of guilt for reminding him of what traumas he’d likely gone through during his time there. She returned her hand to his, and squeezed it gently. “They’ve removed reconditioning. I thought - you should know that. The program’s received an entire overhaul since Snoke’s ousting. Hux oversaw the entire thing. It’s - things are better, now.”

Finn scoffed at her.

“Not perfect,” She admitted. “But. Better. Maybe you could talk to Bean about it?”

“Bean?” Poe chuckled, amused by the name.

“The other Stormtrooper that came with us. He’s sleeping now, but when he wakes up.. Finn, you should. You should! This could help. If you knew everything that’s changing from within the First Order, maybe you could help General Organa understand that they’re not trying to dupe her. It’s real, Finn. This offer - it’s real.”

As much as Finn wanted to ignore her, or disprove her, or rail against the very idea that the First Order were anything but cold-blooded killers and liars - hearing Rey speak with such fervent faith about the possibility that something critical had changed within the system he’d lived in for his entire life made him ache with a bitter regret. If only things had been different _before_ , then maybe..

“Buddy?” Poe whispered, laying his other hand on Finn’s shoulder. Finn turned his head to meet Poe in the eyes, where that haunting sense of loss was echoed in his deep brown orbs, and he let out a long, shaky sigh.

“I’m not promising anything.” Finn muttered. “But I’ll talk to him.”

Rey gasped, and he lifted a finger to stop her from getting too excited. His eyes were wide with warning. “I’ll _talk_ to him. That’s _it_. Don’t get your hopes up. I can tell when someone’s been reconditioned to say something, Rey. If this is another lie, that’s it. There’s nothing the First Order can say or do to make me believe a single word they say, after that.”

She thought back on all of her interactions with Bean, trying to distinguish if there was something he was doing, or saying, that could have been considered forced, or manipulated. In truth, Bean was one of the most genuine people she’d met on the Finalizer so far. He was just.. Nice.

Loyal, but nice.

She nodded her head, agreeing to his terms with gusto.

“Now, do I get that proper introduction, or not?” Poe asked, holding his arms out for a hug. Without a beat to waste, Rey stood up off of her chair and walked over, launching herself right into his arms.

“Unbelievable.” Finn muttered under his breath. “Doesn’t even save your life, not once, but twice, and he gets your first hug now that you’re here. Unbelievable!”

Rey laughed at the pouting man behind her, and pulled away from Poe just long enough to wrap one of her arms around Finn’s shoulders and tug, hard, until he’d all but slammed into the hug with them. She could hear muttering from the other side of the table, where two men seemed intent on discussing the matters they’d just eavesdropped on without being heard, and chose to ignore them quite easily in place of paying attention to how good it felt to just hug her friends, without a single care in the world.

She realized, with a start, that she could feel the growing feedback loop between her own joy, and the echo of what Kylo was feeling coming off of her. She started laughing, almost uncontrollably, and after a moment of surprise (and concern) the two men in her arms began to accompany her. She wondered if the others in the room would think she’d gone mad, and then she realized - she really, really couldn’t find it in her to care.

It felt good to laugh again. To really, really laugh. Disaster could wait another hour; for now, she reveled in the freedom of laughter.

And quietly hoped that Kylo could, too.

* * *

The balcony was just as worn and minimalistic as the rest of the building; as if it, too, had been carved directly out from a mountainside, fit just well enough to be considered functional before being abandoned. 

At least the furniture was less casual, and therefore most likely brought in far after the original purpose of their location had been cast aside in favor of abandonment. Hux led the General to one such seat, pulling it out cordially and waiting for her to take it before sliding her closer to the small, round table in front of her.

When he took his seat, he lounged against the high chair back and cast his eyes to the lush, but monotonous view. “Quite an interesting choice for our first meeting, General. I can see why this planet has remained off of both of our radars until now. Nothing here of interest, as far as the eye can see. I’d ask how you found it, but that would just be more small talk, and from the way you’re looking at me, you don’t seem entirely interested in talking to me any more than you have to.”

He’d slid his eyes to regard her while he’d been speaking, and caught the tight, unhappy frown on her face. It had him turning to face her fully, leaning his elbows against the table, and pressing hands together to give him something to lean his chin on. 

“You’d be right about that.” Leia chuckled out mirthlessly. “Say what you brought me here to say, Hux. We’ve got better places to be.”

He continued to stare at her, with his head resting on his hands, and his lip quirked up to one side in amusement. “Just like him.” He muttered, in a voice so unlike him it even startled Leia. “I see a lot of him in you. Or I suppose I should say, I see a lot of you in him. That furrowed brow. That particular expression. That’s where I see it. Are you mad at me, General Leia? For bringing you here, for giving you hope? Is that why you’ve treated me so brusquely during our time together? Or are you simply unable to see past the smouldering wreckage of our past in order to believe there’s a chance for our future?”

“I stood there helplessly as you killed _billions_ in the blink of an eye. Good people. Innocent people.” Leia had leaned in to interrupt him, until they were only inches away. Hux did not flinch; he preferred it this way. He preferred to see that familiar rage billow up in her eyes. He thought he had some rather unique experience in quelling it. Or - in this case - stoking it.

“You did.” He nodded, just slightly. “And you know I fully believe that act was necessary for the betterment of the Galaxy. The New Republic was a _disease_ , General. There was a time when you, too, believed something similar. Tell me, honestly. What exactly had triggered the creation of the Resistance in the first place? Your cobbled together vigilante group that worked in secret, from both us and the New Republic. If there was nothing wrong with your government, why spend so long in hiding? Why exist at all?”

He watched a fire light in her eyes, and not all of it was hate anymore. “Bureaucracy is not a poison, it’s an obstacle. Obstacles can be overcome - peacefully. You don’t need to _blow them away._ ”

Hux took in her words for a bold second, and licked his lips. “Were your efforts to overcome these obstacles doing well, before we came and villainously mucked it all up for you? If you truly believed the New Republic was salvageable, you never would have left it to become a war-monger.”

“I AM NOT-” Leia stood, brought to her feet by sheer uncontrollable fury. He watched her go, and watched her stop herself just as quickly, and drop back down in the chair in front of him.

Kylo had his mother’s temper, too.

“A war-monger would enjoy seeing these people give up their lives for the cause. I’m tired, Hux. I’m as tired of all of this as anyone here. But I’m not so tired that I’m just going to blindly hand over the keys to the galaxy to you just because you promise a pretty tomorrow. I need something solid from you. Something I can count on - even if it’s just a better reason than you want peace, too.”

Hux watched the exhaustion slowly settle into her shoulders, and darken her eyes. She _was_ tired, and if he _had_ been plotting some grand plan to force the Resistance’s hand, this would have been a perfect time to take advantage of it.

He almost wished that was the case.

His back straightened, as his arms left the table. “I’d thought that was what I was doing with Rey, when I first decided to enact this plan with her. Isn’t she enough for you to count on?”

The topic direction had Leia’s eyes turning critical, and Hux felt a pang of something he almost believed was regret when she turned those eyes so sharply towards him. “I’ve got a better question. At what point did she become something for _you_ to count on?” Now she was leaning in, just as he’d been. He remained rigid and straight in his seat. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. About Rey. About - your intentions concerning her.”

Leia’s phrasing sounded comically like parental concern, which almost made Hux chuckle. Then he realized that she _was_ a parent of someone involved, and the humor bled quietly from the entire conversation.

“If you’re worried about her safety, I can guarantee she’s in no danger. The entire ship is under strict orders to - “

“Not her safety.”

This time, it was Hux who sought to maneuver himself around a barrier, and Leia - whose stark honesty was leaving him uncomfortable - that barrelled through it regardless.

He reached down into the pocket of his pants, pulled a thin metal container out, and flipped it open. Eight untouched cigarettes lay in a row inside, along with a packet of matches. He paused, and rose his eyebrows at her, asking silently if she would take issue with his smoking. She waved her hand non-committally, and a cigarette was lit and between his lips in mere seconds.

He held the metal container out to her in silent offer, and she rolled her eyes before shaking her head. He took that as a no, and closed it with a snap before putting it away.

The entire thing had taken no more than a minute, but once he had the cigarette in his mouth and the smoke filling his lungs, he let the silence linger longer than it needed to. After all, she was beginning to ask far more dangerous questions.

Finally, he broke the silence with a sigh. “You’ll have to be more specific, then. Are you asking if I’m hoping she’ll join the First Order?”

“I’m asking if you care about her. And I’m done playing these little games, so mind your answer. I can have the boys take her off this planet and back to safety in seconds, if I think you’re lying to me. That girl doesn’t deserve to be manipulated, Hux. She’s been through enough.”

When Leia laid down the threat to take Rey, Hux’s rigid posture transformed, lurching forward with both hands gripped hard against the sides of the seat. It was a movement that surprised only himself. “Don’t dare to lecture me on what Rey’s gone through. She isn’t going anywhere unless it’s _her_ choice. You don’t get to decide for her, General. But if war truly is your ultimate goal, go on then. Take her.” The cigarette was brought up shakily to his lips, and his next words came out in an angry billow of smoke. “See exactly where your careless actions during this peace meeting will lead you and your men.”

It wasn’t an answer, really. But when Leia leaned back and gave him a half-cocked smile, Hux realized it was more than he’d meant to give her, but at least it would be enough.

“If you betray us. If you so much as kill a single Resistance fighter. You must know she’ll never forgive you.”

Was Leia really banking on the belief that Hux’s affections for the girl would be enough to keep him legitimate? He almost didn’t believe it. He thought the General was smarter than this.

No matter. He would take it.

“I know.” He admitted, dropping back hard onto his chair wearily. “She’s almost as stubborn as your boy. And that is saying something.”

A hard, heavy quiet fell over the moment, broken only by the soft exhales of Hux’s smoky breaths.

He watched Leia’s expression transform through stages of anguish and melancholy, before finally landing on bittersweet concern. He wondered how, exactly, one woman could feel that much, for so many years of a long, long life, and still have the strength to lead a rebellion.

“How is he?” She asked, breaking the silence with her whisper.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Hux countered, raising an eyebrow. She considered it, and the anguish looked like it was ready to tear her apart. In the end, she shook her head no, and asked another question instead.

“Does he care about her, too?”

Hux felt a fissure of shock run through him at the question. There was no reason for Leia to be wondering about Kylo’s feelings for Rey, because she’d never once seen them together. Rey had destroyed Kylo’s dark future, his pride, and almost killed him. Why would she ask such a thing?

Either Leia’s strength in the force was stronger than even Kylo was aware of, or -

“Hah.” Hux huffed out his next exhale of smoke in a sharp laugh, tinged with embarrassment. He should have known not to trust a location he hadn’t arrived at, first. “More than he’s ready to admit. In some ways, he’s an impressive, terrifying monster. In others, he’s still a child. I’ve rather had my fill of dealing with him, at this point. If he’d come here, I’d leave him behind and force you to take him back again. You’d be doing me a favor.”

He spoke as if he didn’t know that she was well aware of Kylo’s ruse, but in his smile and the lightness of his eyes there was no real attempt at deceit. They were both well aware of the truth, even if they refused to speak of it.

“You’re that willing to get rid of him, Admiral?” Leia’s voice had taken on a smooth, almost playful tone. “And here I thought he was a key asset to your collection.”

She had him there, but he refused to admit it. He waved his cigarette bearing hand airily, and continued to deny his intentions. “He does more harm than good. My ship’s can’t handle another one of his tantrums. Take him, by all means.”

Leia chuckled, and Hux saw the faintest hint of color tinting her cheeks. Despite how frivolous the conversation really was, he guessed that she was enjoying the idea of taking her son back, no matter the consequences.

He was vaguely startled at Leia’s innate ability for compassion, and forgiveness, but he made no show of it.

“I’m still unconvinced that we’re really on the same side, Hux.” Leia admitted through her pursed, charming little smile. Hux paused for a moment, observing it. Enjoying it.

“If only there was some other way I could convince you that I’m worth a chance.” He murmured, leaning in to hold his hand out. “Not that I blame you. I just wish there was some way you could read my mind, and see my intent.”

She looked at his open hand, and cocked a brow at it. “I’m no mind reader. You’re fresh out of luck.”

Hux refused to pull his open hand away. Instead, his fingers curved, beckoning her to take it. Hesitantly, she put her hand in his, and he held it lightly against his palm. “Would throwing your son in a pod and hurling him off through space to your new base coordinates be enough to persuade you?”

She laughed, then, and it was an honest, throaty thing. “If you tried to throw that boy in a pod, you’re the only one getting hurled through space. Sorry, son. No disrespect to you.”

Hux grinned, toothy and serene. “None taken. A shame, though.” He looked down at the hand he was holding, pale porcelain and marred with age, and used his other hand to carefully pat the top of it gently. “An honest shame.”

The sounds of hurried footsteps coming down the hallway just outside of their balcony had Hux standing, guessing that his companions had started something troublesome in his absence that would require their attention. He heard the distant rumblings of something on the other side of the building, and hoped quietly that Kylo hadn’t been discovered. “I suppose I’ll have to try harder at giving you a reason to trust us before we can get this partnership off of the ground. That is, unless you tell me now that I shouldn’t bother.”

Leia regarded him with a long, penetrating look. She flickered a glance at the outfit he’d chosen to wear, and frowned. A poor choice, in her opinion. These were the emulations of men from her past that could never, ever be trusted.

But at least it wasn’t black.

“I’m not saying I trust you. Or that I ever can trust you.” She began, standing up to prepare to lead him out. “But I can say with all honesty that I’d like to.”

That was as good of an answer as Hux could hope for, for the time being. He nodded his head in a formal nod, right before two men crossed the barrier leading into the balcony, shuffled quickly behind the Admiral, and pulled his arms hard until they folded behind his back.

“General Hux, you are under arrest by the authority of the New Republic for the crimes of genocide, willful endangerment of civilians, intent to start a war, and unprovoked attack on an unarmed, neutral planet, among other crimes.”

“Get your hands _off_ of me.” Hux sneered, ignoring the insult of incorrect rank usage as he attempted to violently tug away from their vice-like grip. His cigarette dropped carelessly to the ground, and he narrowed his eyes at Leia, accusations ready to drip off the end of his tongue, when her flustered face gave him enough pause to realize that she might not have planned this all along. 

Well, it certainly _felt_ like a trap. The question was, whose?

“Who ordered this arrest?” Leia asked, keeping her voice as calm as was humanly possible despite the growing dread visible in her features. Her question forced the two Resistance soldiers to pause, sparing a glance between them before answering. “Admiral Statura, General. Once the Star Destroyers dropped into orbit, he ordered the three ambassadors from the First Order to be arrested at once. They’re going to be within firing distance any minute, and he wants hostages.”

Leia’s eyes met Hux’s, whose colorless gaze went flat, and tense. He caught her look and shook his head, just once. “Not mine.” He informed her, confident that she’d understand what he meant.

The men did not let him go despite his words, but Leia moved quickly to round the group. “Let the Admiral go. That’s an order. Where are the other two? Have they been successfully detained?”

Both men seemed reluctant to follow General Organa’s orders. “We don’t know - we were just sent here to arrest the Gene-”

“ _Admiral._ ” Even Leia was getting sick of it. “And I’ve just cancelled that order. I suggest you get your hands off of our guest, before I really start to lose my temper.”

Their hands rose into the air, releasing Hux with a jolt and leaving their hands up in surrender. “Yes, General.” “Of course, General.” Their tunes had changed significantly to that of submission - and maybe a tiny bit of fear.

Hux rubbed at his arms, and cast a long, appreciative glance at General Organa. He was starting to like her more than he’d ever imagined was possible.

“Find the others. Get them released and have them sent to the monitoring station. I’ll meet you there.” She ordered, sending the men off without another word. She whirled on Hux, who froze in place at the look of determination in her expression. “If they’re not your Star Destroyers.” She muttered.

“That would mean they are Snoke’s.” He finished, nodding sharply. “I did warn you about his continued presence in the briefing I sent you. I wouldn’t have suspected he’d show up here, however.” His eyes tightened around the edges as he thought of who else was on the planet with them. “I suspect his intentions are more sinister than a simple razing of a near-empty planet. We should find my companions immediately.”

He could tell, just from looking at her, that Leia sensed the growing dread welling up inside of him. This was no trap, not for him, and not for the Resistance. This was something less grandiose, but no less crippling.

She said nothing, and whirled in place to leave the balcony and head rapidly towards the small, temporary control room her men had been using to short range monitor their surroundings. Hux was close at her heels every step of the way.

Whatever Snoke was planning, Hux knew, with all certainty, it had very little to do with him, or the Resistance, and everything to do with the two Force sensitive individuals he’d foolishly left alone. He trusted Kylo enough to keep Rey safe at hand, as long as he was still with her. And he _would_ still be with her, if he had any decent common sense left in him.

He turned his head, saw the white shine of armor barrelling full steam ahead towards him, and put his hands up to cover his face in dawning dismay as the truth of the matter hit him. There was only one definite in his entire, exhausting, troublesome life left to feel sure about.

Kylo Ren was an absolute imbecile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um
> 
> I have nothing interesting to say this time aaaa!!!
> 
> This chapter was hard because lbr the past few days were really hard on all of us. But here you go, another nano-fueled update, and an important one to boot. I hope you enjoy it and I also hope you stay safe, all of you. 
> 
> Come send me asks on tumblr if you want, I love talking!!


	35. Chapter 35

_”Where is she?”_

Admiral Hux rather thought he would be the one saying those words first. When the Stormtrooper practically collided with him and grabbed him by the shoulders to yell the question through a muffling helmet, he was proven wrong. His eyes widened for a split second as ice shocked through his veins, before he smacked the hands away and grabbed the armor in front of him.

“I should be asking _you_ that.” He hissed out, spitting vitriol with every word. “You were supposed to stay with her. _Explain yourself._ ”

For a moment, the helmet tilted to look up at General Leia’s retreating form, but he answered before his pause could give Hux a reason to further enrage. “You were being arrested. We sensed it. _Both_ of us. She was - with those two - she practically demanded I come save - .. you _were_ being arrested, weren’t you?”

Rey had sent Kylo away to try and save Hux, with no regard for her own personal safety. That left the traitor and the pilot at fault for her current lack of whereabouts, especially if Kylo was asking him where she was. There was only one reason why the man wouldn’t already _know_.

“General.” They could hardly hear the voices from the control room they stood outside of, but Hux had fallen silent just long enough for them to catch wind of a technician calling Leia over. “There’s movement in the docking bay. One of the X-Wing’s is being powered up. It’s Dameron’s.”

Hux felt his stomach sink with nausea. His eyes had lost their focus when he heard the technician talking, but they focused flinty and hard as they met the black visor of the helmet in front of him.

“Go.” He whispered through clenched teeth. There was no pause between the purse of his lips as he completed the comment, and the swivel of the Stormtrooper, hurtling back towards the docking bay. Hux entered the command room, just in time to get Leia’s attention again.

“How many Destroyers?”

“Three, all of them Imperial-class. I thought you’d already fully upgraded.” She chuckled out darkly. “Snoke’s just giving up all of your dirty little secrets.”

Hux offered her a thin-lipped smile. “They were mostly droid manned. Easier to take control of during an insurrection. Although technically I suppose I was the insurrection, wasn’t I? No matter. He was a fool to bring them here.” Hux’s smile turned into a wicked, curling grin. “He’s hardly a match for me, now.”

Leia watched his expression turn into something akin to enjoyment, and he knew that she was staring at him with a smug, _I told you so_ expression. In the end, she still believed him nothing more than a war-monger. 

His grin fell.

“Have they set a target?”

“The planet.” She informed him, even though the smugness never left her face. “They’re positioning themselves for a razing strike, but they haven’t fired yet. There’s been one attack - an explosion, 50 kilometers from our position. It was ground fire, no word yet on the cause. As far as we know, they don’t know our exact coordinates - they look like they’re planning on burning every inch down and hoping they don’t miss.”

Whatever it was, Hux was sure it was most certainly a distraction. He tried not to think about how Snoke’s forces might have been fed the information on their location, or what the distraction was for. Instead, he tapped furiously into a holo-pad, sending off orders to every ship within light-speed distance. He hadn’t been allowed a single Destroyer to orbit the planet, and he regretted accepting that particular compromise, now. Still, three of his ships were already on their way, all of them Resurgent-class and armed to the teeth.

They simply had to hold out, until then.

“You say they haven’t fired, yet?” Hux murmured, his mind whirling with possibilities and dangers. “But they’re in formation.”

The technician swiped his screen to the left, until it shimmered a larger holo-screen to life and blared the view of Snoke’s forces. In the distance, a fleet of Imperial-class Star Destroyers were consistently churning out countless numbers of TIE fighters, all of whom were barricading the planet with their sheer numbers until the view of space itself was being blocked out of all its stars. It was an impressive show of force - the likes of which Leia herself had never seen when it came to numbers - and she glanced up at the man beside her, wary about handing him any measure of control over the safety of her crew.

“This is ridiculous.” She sighed out. “The Resistance isn’t even based here. There’s literally twelve of us on this planet. What is he trying to prove?”

“Nothing.” Hux assured her, swiping the view of the sky off to the left and expanding the security camera feed for the docking bay. Sure enough, there was an X-Wing powering up, and a flustered pilot standing on the wing, behind the cockpit, trying to force his way inside.

“He’s just trying to cut off all the heads of the hydra at once.” But even as he said it, Hux’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. If that really _was_ Snoke’s plan, why hadn’t he fired yet?

He’d have Hux, Kylo Ren, and every leader of the Resistance dead in one well placed shot. But his troops - as numerous as they were - were just sitting there.

“We’ve contacted the nearby fleet. They’re ten minutes away, General.”

Hux’s head snapped to glare, wide eyed, down at Leia. She nodded to her technician, and then caught Hux’s glare and furrowed her brow with confusion. “What?”

“Please. Tell me you haven’t called the remnants of the New Republic fleet here to be annihilated.” He sounded like he was reprimanding a child. By the way Leia sneered back at him, she took great offense.

“You think I’m going to let you take care of all of this? Do I look like a damsel in distress to you?”

Hux bit his lip to keep from snapping a testy reply concerning her past right back in her face.

“If what’s left of the New Republic fleet arrives to try and engage with this magnitude of _First Order_ ships - and by some miracle does _not_ get utterly eradicated - you do realize how this will look concerning the legitimacy of our possible peace treaty, do you not?”

“I don’t give a damn what this looks like to anyone. I’m doing everything I can to get my people out of here safely. You worry about doing the same.”

Hux couldn’t believe it, but he had to admit that Leia Organa did not have the same impatient, stubborn temper that her son possessed. She _exceeded_ it. He’d never thought he’d miss trying to deal with Kylo Ren, until he’d had to work side by side against the man’s mother.

He was left with very little options. Now, it was just a race against time - and he refused to accept defeat. 

The first few Star Destroyers under his command broke free of hyperspace mere seconds later, and he identified them quickly before sending off gruff commands to each ship to bear down on the barrier of TIE fighters covering the planet’s atmosphere. It was a slow process, and each hole punctured was just filled again with a new squadron of suicide TIE fighters. He knew Snoke’s forces would have to be depleted eventually, but there was no time to wait for that. He needed something faster.

“Six minutes.”

Hux growled under his breath, turning to attempt another call for reason in the woman. “You’re sending those men to their deaths for an unnecessary show of force. The moment they arrive they will fire on _my_ forces and I will be forced to engage out of self-defense. Tell them to turn back.”

Leia hadn’t expected that kind of an argument from him, and she held her tongue to keep from giving him another scathing reply. Still, she remained silent, and gave no further order.

More of his own Star Destroyers had heeded his call. Ten. Twenty, now. The gaps were getting wider.

His eyes remained on the General.

“I can take care of this. Without the help of the New Republic. This isn’t a fight you need to win.” His voice had softened, quieter and more thoughtful. He reached out, and placed a light touch against her sleeve. She jolted away from it, and searched for answers in his uncomfortably earnest eyes.

“Three minutes. General. The X-Wing is beginning it’s take-off sequence.”

Both Leia, and Hux, turned all of their attentions to the grainy feed showing the rolling black X-Wing as it moved down the dock. The Stormtrooper burst through a doorway, hurled his helmet off of his head, and leapt with unnatural power onto the wing of the ship.

“You want to see him again.” Hux whispered, barely audible.

“Two minutes. I’m receiving word from the fleet, they’re asking for a report before they drop out of hyper space.”

Leia’s eyes were fixated on that swath of black hair, hiding a face she desperately wanted to see.

“Peace is the only chance you’ll ever have for that.” Hux’s gaze slid back to look at her, demanding her attention. “Call them off, General.”

The stars were blotted out by Star Destroyers instead of TIE fighters, now. If Leia tried to count them all, she’d have lost track. She couldn’t even tell which ones were Snoke’s, anymore. For all she knew, they’d long gone.

This was just a taste of Hux’s forces. The planet was fully surrounded by his power, safe and protected and unharmed.

“General?”

The room had gone very, very silent.

“Admiral Celos is requesting-”

“Rescind the request for assistance.” General Organa bit out, whirling around in place to point at the technician. “All of it. Tell them it was a false alarm. Weapons malfunction. I honestly don’t care what excuse you use, but get them to turn back around. They’re not needed, here.”

“General?”

“You heard me. That’s an order.”

Hux’s ships were still continuing to burden the sky.

With a flick of his finger, he sent off the command to cease any more arrivals, but those he’d already received were ordered to stay in place, locked in perfect formation, floating in deep orbit around the planet like a giant ring system. The TIE fighters had been so thoroughly disposed of, that the debris falling from orbit were nothing more than falling stars perpetually burning up in the sky.

Leia whirled around to search the feed of the docking bay again, but the X-Wing was stalled on the runway, empty and abandoned.

“Where did they go?” She asked, pulling Hux’s attention to it, as well. The sight of the X-Wing was a relief, but not enough to bring his guard down.

“I couldn’t tell you.” He bit out, frustrated by the momentary distraction. “Let’s go find out, shall we?”

* * *

Kylo had witnessed, experienced, and sometimes created the worst terrors imaginable. Despite all of that, the terror of _absence_ felt in the threads of his bond with Rey was unquestionably the worst feeling he’d ever experienced, and it was his own terror to feel. No one else’s, just his, dwelling deep in the pit of his heart and reminding him that he’d failed, again, _again, and again_. He ran like a man possessed, his gun forgotten somewhere along the way and his armor clanking so hard against itself that it pinched and pulled on his skin in its creases. He followed the weaker pull of another mind, that of the ex-Stormtrooper desperately trying to figure out sequences on a control board to shut the X-Wing down remotely. The panic in Finn’s mind was increasing, and Kylo felt it tick upward like a timer, warning him of how little time he had left. He screeched through a turn and slammed through a doorway, suddenly exposed to the tail end of a rotating X-Wing. Finn was screaming at the controls as if that could convince them to work for him, and Poe was gripping the edges of his X-Wing’s cockpit glass and trying, desperately, not to slip off of it completely.

Kylo wouldn’t be able to recall what happened next. There were seconds he lost, between his lurch of movement towards the X-Wing and his sudden arrival on the cockpit. He Force-pushed Poe to safety on the ground and slammed his fists into what had to be thick, laser-proof transparisteel, stubborn against his supernatural strength. Again and again he bashed, leaving spider webs against the breaking barrier and sparks of electricity from his hand with every punch. If he’d had his lightsaber - but there was no time to think of that now, as the viewport shattered and fell in showers all over Rey’s hair and shoulders.

She didn’t even flinch. He reached in and snapped her seatbelt with a flick, tearing it apart with the hissing mess of his mechanical hand, until she was free and being pulled up to safety.

She fought, suddenly. The woman hadn’t so much as blinked in reaction until she was being pulled away from where she was meant to be, and then she came to life and struggled with every fiber of her, scratching her limbs against the jagged edges of the glass.

Kylo whispered a soft, unheard word against her hair, and brushed his hand across her vision. She went limp in his arms, allowing him to pick her up safely and pull away from the X-Wing. Without a pilot, it listed, slowly rolling to a stop and humming uselessly with power.

“What HAPPENED?” Finn screamed up at them, before the sight of who was under that Stormtrooper armor froze him in mid-step and kept him locked with surprise. Poe surpassed him easily, storming over to try and check on Rey. 

“Is she all right?”

Kylo refused to answer them, shouldering his way past Poe in an effort to leave without further inquiry.

“HEY.” Poe yelled out, grabbing the Stormtrooper’s shoulder. Kylo swiveled at the impudent grab, glaring with unhinged anger at Poe - or through Poe - there was no real way to tell.

Poe threw his hands up in the air when he got a look at those eyes, and the violent promises within. There was something terrifyingly familiar about the sense of silent rage seeping off of the man, but Poe couldn’t quite place it. “Relax, buddy, I just want to know if she’s okay.”

“Poe.” Finn whispered through clenched teeth, but it got no response.

“ _Is_ she okay?” Poe repeated, his face scrunching up in suspicion. Poe still had no idea why Rey had just tried to hijack his X-Wing, or how the ‘trooper had just punched his way through that glass, but the dangerous sparks coming off of the obvious mechanical arm around Rey’s waist gave Poe some inkling of an idea.

“Poe.” Finn hissed out, harder. Poe finally turned to look at him, eyes narrowing with annoyance. He held his hands up, waiting for Finn to explain himself, and missed the moment Kylo turned around again and walked out of the docking bay with Rey in his arms.

_”What?”_ Poe hissed out in response. 

Finn waited, giving the Stormtrooper just enough time to leave, before letting out a breath and moving up to Poe’s side. “That - was Kylo Ren.”

Poe looked about ready to deny the possibility, but the words never left his mouth. It made too much sense, even if it made no sense at all, and it chilled him to the bone to know that he was that close - that _forceful_ \- with the man who’d nearly killed him to get the information he needed.

His hand wrapped around the gun at his holster out of sheer instinct.

“And we’re just gonna let him _have her_ this time? Or are we gonna do something about it?”

Finn’s lips tightened as he struggled with the choice, before he finally shook his head. “This is what she wants. She’s - “ He almost gagged, - “She’s safe with him.”

“That man almost killed you. He tried to kill me. He _did_ kill an entire village of innocent people right in front of us. You _remember_ all that, right? I’m not just dreaming this entire thing up?”

Finn flinched as he thought of the night he’d let his friend’s life drain away in his arms, and he remembered it all too well.

“Things are different, now.” He finally concluded, with great difficulty. “Don’t try to ask me why, ‘cause I got nothing. But things are different.”

Finn’s eyes refused to break away from Poe’s searching gaze. He let the man dig deep, looking for exactly what could have changed Finn’s mind about a man who’d done unforgivable things. He looked, and he saw no forgiveness in Finn’s heart. He saw no sympathy, no love lost. All he saw was a sad, painful yielding. A respect for Rey’s decision, and a small, underwhelming spark of hope that there was always a chance for those who’d picked the wrong side, and done the wrong thing.

Finn saw a little of himself in Kylo Ren, Poe realized.

He shouldn’t.

“Let’s go find General Organa.” Poe muttered, putting both of his hands on Finn’s shoulders and patting him gently. Finn’s hands shot up to keep them from moving, and Poe paused to furrow his eyebrows in confusion at the gesture. “What’s wrong?”

It was too quick for Poe to prepare for, but he never opposed to being hugged, and especially not when it came from Finn. The ex-Stormtrooper had yanked him forward, slamming hard into him in a vicious, almost desperate hug. When Poe regained his senses, he wrapped his arms around Finn’s middle and returned the favor with a gentle supporting stroke against Finn’s back.

“Hey. _Hey._ It’s all right, buddy.” Poe murmured, but his words did not loosen the grip Finn had on him. He waited for Finn to speak, and when it came, it was in a tight, painful whisper.

“You believed in me.” Finn’s voice was scratchy, hoarse with emotion. He’d never forgotten the way Poe had taken his word without ever doubting that he, a Stormtrooper, really did just want out. He had no reason. No proof to verify his claim. It could have all been a trick, but Poe had followed along blindly.

“I never got a chance to thank you for that.” Finn huffed out in a shaky exhale. “For saving me.” In his mind, he left off the words he couldn’t bear to say out loud. _In more ways than one._

“Yeah, that was pretty reckless of me.” Poe whispered against Finn’s shoulder, chuckling with amusement. “Good thing you were worth it.”

Finn pulled away and grinned sheepishly, unable to bear looking Poe in the eye now as he nudged the man’s shoulder with a fist. His skin had gone dark and flushed with embarrassment, and Poe put a hand against one cheek to feel the heat that flooded there. It stayed too long, hiding the slow ease of Finn’s grin on his face as it faded.

Poe sensed the confusion from Finn far too late, and laughed breathlessly as he patted the cheek and pushed his face away. “Done feeling sorry for yourself? Let’s go do our jobs.”

“ _Hey._ ” Finn sprung back from the awkward, heart fluttering feeling that had settled in him and fell back easily into annoyance. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I genuinely appreciated that, you know. Remind me not to thank _you_ ever again.”

Poe wrapped his arm easily around Finn’s shoulders and led him out of the docking bay. “Hey, Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember to thank me a _lot_ from now on.”

“ _Man_ ,” Finn drawled, shoving a laughing Poe off of his shoulders and through the door.

* * *

When Rey woke up, it was to pitch black darkness. She couldn’t see anything, but she could feel that she was balled up, confined tightly against something hard and warm. She was rocking back and forth, against her own will. Any sound she heard was muffled, but she could have sworn she was catching a whisper. She craned her neck, aching to hear it better.

The rocking stopped, and light broke hard in segments against her eyes, blinding her from being able to see for a few seconds. She blinked and squinted until she could decipher that the dark prison she’d been captured in was Kylo’s entire body, curled up around her on the floor. His Stormtrooper armor was gone, leaving him in nothing but the black bodysuit and white gloves. Her movement had stilled him, and forced him to uncurl enough to check on her.

He said nothing. He just watched her, mute and hesitant as if trying to figure her out. When the seconds wore by and he still refused to explain himself, she reached up and put her hand on his jawline, touching his skin with delicate fingers.

The touch had him exhaling a held back sigh, relaxing his entire body until it no longer felt like rigid stone against hers.

A loud popping right behind her jolted her in surprise, and she turned her head to discover that the cause was Kylo’s malfunctioning mechanical hand, hissing and sparking with damage. Her eyes grew wide.

“What happened to your hand?” She asked, in a voice soft enough to make Kylo’s head spin. He rested his forehead down on the back of her skull, and breathed a single laugh through his lips before responding.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Rey scoffed stubbornly. “Get me a toolkit. I’m not familiar with this technology but it can’t be that terribly different than a droid.” She was focusing too hard on what little of the situation she _could_ control, and successfully ignoring all that she couldn’t. But finally, when she tried to turn her head to look at him and only managed an inch before she stopped from disturbing his position, it was beginning to sink in.

“Why are we on the floor?” She whispered. “Where’s your armor? Where’s - where’s Finn? And Poe and Hux - “

She sucked in a gasp when she remembered the last thing she could. This time, she let his head fall as she swiveled around to look at him. “Hux! Did you get to him? Is he all right?”

Kylo’s eyes were too big, too wet to mean anything good. The more she looked at him, studying the emotion in his expression and letting her imagination run wild, the further her dread would pool in the well of her stomach. She grit her teeth and pleaded silently up at him for answers, but there was no preparing for what she’d received instead.

“I am never,” Kylo whispered, putting his real hand on her chin and pulling her up to meet him. “Ever,” His forehead touched hers and her eyes went fuzzy, unable to focus on any one part of his face. “Ever letting you out of my sight again.”

She felt his words, whispered so quietly they were more impactful as breath against her own lips than they were as sounds. She’d stopped breathing, but she didn’t know why. This was foreign, frightening territory for her. She’d never seen Kylo this manic before, and it scared her more than it should have. She knew her own rising anxiety would only make whatever was affecting him in that moment a thousand times worse.

“Kylo.” She mouthed out, unable to catch her breath long enough to speak it. His grip against her chin tightened, hard enough to bruise.

“I’m sorry.” He shuddered out, trembling. “I’m sorry. I won’t - let this happen again. I’m sorry.”

She reached up to pull his hand away from her chin, rubbing the skin he’d been gripping with her fingertips. Something had happened - something terrible, and yet here they were, both of them, safe. Just them.

Just them.

“Please.” She begged, pressing harder against his forehead. “Tell me everyone else is safe.”

Kylo’s eyes closed, and he huffed out a ragged laugh of disbelief. “Still so determined to be selfless.” He cursed under his breath and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him until he could feel her cheek pressed against his neck. Here, where he didn’t have to look into her eyes, but still knew she was safe, he could find some semblance of sanity. 

He’d lost so much of it to her already.

“Everyone is fine.” He muttered into her hair, and felt her entire body sag against him in relief. “There was an attack by Snoke, but we outmatch him easily. It was just a ploy. A distraction.”

She turned rigid in his arms again, and pushed herself away. The words were already falling from her lips, but based on context alone, Rey suspected she already knew the answer. 

“A distraction for what.”

Kylo met her eyes again, and she could see the exact moment when his despair began to get the better of him. His hand was trembling against her, and he lurched forward to press his lips firmly against her forehead. His kiss was wet, and persistent, and she realized with a start that it made her feel so much better.

If he could just do that, over and over again, Rey thought that any problem would feel solvable in time.

“I won’t let him have you.” He promised with those wet lips against her forehead, wrapping his arms around her once more until she was crushed into the little ball he’d been protecting her in before. “I promise.”

She should be worried. She should be terrified. Snoke had made another play to take her, and she couldn’t even remember any of it this time. Her life was no longer in her own hands, and she knew that she could lose to Snoke at any moment, in the blink of an eye.

Kylo kissed her forehead again, and left his lips there for far longer than made sense, until even the threat of Snoke seemed distant, and petty, and resolvable. Everything would be fine, if they could just stay here, like this, for a little while longer. She was sure of it.

She felt his heartbeat slowing, and knew that he was enjoying the benefits of the peace he could bring her, too.

“I’m all right now.” She told him. “Aren’t I? If everyone else is, too, then you need to let me see to your hand.” She thought about reaching for it, but never actually moved. Too comfortable. “What broke it?”

“An X-Wing.”

That shook her out of the daze she’d been wrapped in, and she pulled back to stare at him, eyes blown wide with shock. “You were _hit_. In the _hand_. By an _X-Wing_!?”

“Technically,” He growled out, biting his lip with amusement. “I hit the X-Wing. You were in it. I had to get you out.”

She felt all the comfort bleed out of her in slow stages, as though the blood in her veins was being siphoned away and replaced with something cold, and sluggish. She didn’t remember that. She didn’t remember _anything_ about what had happened.

“I’m never going to be safe again,” She hushed out in a shudder. “Am I?” 

A flash of panic passed through Kylo’s expression and she knew there was no way for him to secure her safety without taking terrible, drastic measures.

“Yes you will.” He promised her, bending in to bury his face into her hair. “I won’t rest until you are. I told you. I promise.”

She didn’t want to doubt his fervent promises, but she saw no way that he could keep them, and her pragmatic nature was too strong to be permanently dissuaded by the feel of his lips against her forehead.

She had to find some way to keep Snoke out. To save herself.

There were very few things Rey considered as her own, in her life - but her mind, her body, her very sense of self would always top that list. No one was allowed to steal that away from her. Not Snoke, not the First Order, not the Resistance, not any single person or giant entity. Not ever. It enraged her, to know that this creature sought to take this one, most important thing from her. It was unforgivable. And she wouldn’t give up until she found a way to stop him.

“We’ll practice.” Kylo was plucking her thoughts out like holofilms, but where Rey was filling with determination, he was still trapped in self-loathing. “There are more advanced methods of blocking. And detection of his presence to warn you, that’s most important. You have to be able to sense the absence before he gains any power.”

It all sounded fine, but Kylo was still locked in a state of near-panic, which gave Rey little hope for his efforts. Still, she took heart in what he had to offer, and nodded fervently.

“We’ll work non-stop. Until you feel secure, I will not falter.”

She would never feel secure again.

“I know, Kylo.” She lied, offering him a weak, shoddy facsimile of her smile. “Now, can we take care of your hand?”

She was still fussing with his own needs, predictably selfless and stubborn throughout. He snorted his next breath out and uncurled himself from around her, just in time to hear the doors hiss open and watch a veritable parade of worried people walk in. He’d taken her to the meeting room, when he’d stolen her away, and hadn’t moved much more than to take off his armor and form his own physical protective shell.

Now, the room filled again, with the General and the Admiral at its lead. Hux was down on his knees in a heartbeat, pants be damned as he skidded to take hold of Rey and check her thoroughly for injury. She said nothing, just sat limp as he searched, and Kylo did the same when the Admiral’s nimble hands turned to him and grabbed his sparking hand. Hux glared at the damage, unnecessarily angry to see the fingers frozen in a tight fisted curl. 

He looked up at Kylo, met his eyes, and tried harder than ever to keep a hold of that anger as he berated him. “Do you know how expensive this is?” He muttered, his voice breaking just once in the middle and shuddering within the inhale. “Will I ever be free of your damage costs?”

Rey had never once heard emotion in Hux’s voice when he didn’t want it there. He was wide eyed, glaring up at Kylo so intently she could feel the tension as it built between them. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t even annoyed. Hux was genuinely, overwhelmingly grateful. And for some reason, this scared Rey more than ever.

Because there could only be one reason for such an emotional outburst from the Admiral - so small and difficult to catch if it were anyone else but him. 

But it was him. This was Hux, whose lips trembled as he bore down on the man that had saved Rey and looked as though he wanted nothing more than to curl up in the crook of Kylo’s other arm and remain there for good. She wondered if that was exactly what he would have done, had Leia and the boys not been in the room at that very moment. 

Instead, Hux placed one gentle, trembling hand on Kylo’s shoulder, and hoped it was enough.

“The threat has been neutralized.” Hux assured them, in a crisp voice that attempted to regain what little composure he could scrape back up from the floor. “We’re out of danger, for now. Though I think it best we return to base before Snoke concocts another plan for this undeserving planet. Wouldn’t you agree, General Organa?”

Hux’s careful reminder that Kylo’s mother was standing mere feet away from the man had every muscle in Kylo’s body tensing with anxiety. Rey felt it all tighten beneath her, turning the planes she rested on hard and unyielding. She, and Hux, both turned to look up at the General and found genuine heartbreak evident in her expression. Her hands both rested over her mouth, covering it. And her eyes, unsurprisingly, were locked on the sight of her fully grown son.

Was she cataloguing everything that had changed? Did she think his hair looked different? Did she wonder over the scar Rey had slashed across his face? Rey wanted to know, desperately curious of how a mother would react to seeing her son after so long; but she knew that Leia would feel any intrusion, and kept her curiosity at bay. 

But oh, the things she imagined were going through Leia’s head. She wondered what was most important. Would she be happy he was healthy? Would she be dismayed at his hard appearance? Did she want to hug him, right now?

Would she ever want to hug him again?

Rey wanted to know what would be most important to a parent. She wanted to butt in on the heavy, charged silence and blurt out the question.

Her brow furrowed deeply, and she turned away to bury her head back in Kylo’s shoulder.

“Not really.” Leia’s coarse, gravelly voice uttered. She sounded tense - like she was fighting something back. “He’s not stupid enough to come back that quickly. You could - stay. A little while longer.”

Kylo had yet to move, but as Hux responded to Leia’s offer with a breathy chuckle, he finally tilted his head just enough to be facing her general direction. Still, his eyes stayed on the ground. “We’re leaving.”

If the emotional state of a heart was a physical thing, Rey would have sworn she’d just heard Leia’s shattering on the ground.

“Ben.”

Now, his eyes lifted to meet her. Now, his glare fell full force on his mother, wide and manic and violent. His lips parted, but the scream died in his throat. Two hands had gripped him, on either side of his body. Two separate people were holding him, keeping him still.

He shut his mouth and breathed angry breaths through his flared nostrils, until they, too, began to calm down.

“We have yet more work to be done together.” Hux spoke for them once more, the priceless delegate of their broken threesome. “We do, don’t we?”

He did not clarify who, or what he was talking about. Hux’s eyes just leveled on Leia, waiting for her to tear away from her son in order to see his patient expectations. She’d been largely pessimistic, before Snoke’s attack had forged them into an unlikely alliance. He waited to see if the advent of a common enemy had changed those opinions. When she finally dared to look at him, she nodded.

“Your choice, next time.” She admitted. “If Snoke knew we were here, chances are I have a spy problem to root out. Just don’t get cocky about it.”

Hux’s smile was thin, but pleased. He remained silent - because there was no way he was going to promise such a thing.

“Yeah, I’m real glad we’re friends and all,” Poe piped up suddenly, startling even Rey to lift her head and look at him. “But I’d still like some clarification on why Kylo Ren was in a Stormtrooper suit cracking holes in my X-Wing.”

Hux had already begun to stand, dusting his knees off carefully until he was satisfied with the result. He held his hand down for Rey to take it, and pulled her up to her feet. “Some questions are best left unanswered, boy.”

_”Boy?”_ Poe was already moving forward when Finn set his hand firm against his chest, keeping him in place. There was no love lost for Hux, but getting into a fight with him now was probably the worst possible timing he could imagine.

Still tempting, though.

Kylo was next to stand, setting an arm firm around Rey’s waist from behind and using her as a shoddy, too-short shield between him and his mother. General Organa sighed at the obvious avoidance, and lifted her arms up to offer Rey a farewell hug, instead. The girl slipped out of Kylo’s possessive hold by dipping down through it, and launched herself into Leia’s arms before he had any further say in the matter.

“I’m glad to have met you. I want to see much more of you in the future, even if it does come at the hands of all this dirty business.”

Rey grinned, her smile breaching the foul mood of the two men behind General Organa as they witnessed it. “I promise,” Rey whispered, a fierce determination burning through every word.

Leia closed her eyes, smiling as the ferocity of the young woman in her arms warmed the very air around her. She bent in, placing her lips against Rey’s ear, and breathed out an almost unheard request.

“Take care of him.”

Before Rey could react, Leia untangled her from her arms and turned her around, sending her back to her two companions. This forced Rey to look up at Kylo directly, and wonder if she was really the right kind of person to be asked for something as daunting and nigh-impossible as that.

He collected her instantly, and quirked his brow in a silent question as he read the confusion on her face. She shook her head and forced the thought down deep, where he couldn’t possibly find it.

That question was best left secret, for her to reflect on and puzzle out on her own.

* * *

Leaving was a comically drawn out affair. Rey couldn’t tear herself away from Poe and Finn, alternating between giving them hugs and promising them she’d be back soon. Every time Kylo was sure she’d finally said her last farewell, one of them would chime in with some distracting comment that had them all roused in discussion again. Hux had already given up on waiting for her, and headed into his ship with Bean to begin launch preparations. 

But Kylo waited, re-clad in his Stormtrooper armor sans helmet, and looming at the edge of the ramp like a long, impatient shadow. 

“And remember,” Rey pointed right at Finn’s face. “You promised you’d talk to Bean. I’m bringing him back the next time I’m here, and I won’t forget.”

Finn’s hands were up in the air, feigning innocence. “Never thought you would.”

She grinned, flinging herself at him for another hard hug around his neck. It was longer, but the moment she pulled away from it she turned to run for the ramp, tearing herself away from them quickly like ripping off a bandage. It was the only way she could find the courage, the strength to get back in that ship.

She stopped at the ramp, and turned, waving both hands in farewell.

She was going to miss them. She already missed them. It ached, like a hole collapsing where her heart should be. Her hands fell to her sides, and the bright smile on her face faded.

Gently, fingers slid against the back of hers, until they slid around to caress the palm as it wrapped around her hand. Kylo’s comfort was awkward, but sincere; and she knew that his heart was feeling the loss of a friendship that wasn’t his to feel. She turned up to look at him, and her suspicions were confirmed by the flash of hurt in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand, and tugged it up towards the ramp as she went inside.

Bean was standing at his post just behind her seat in the cockpit when she entered, but as soon as the ship closed behind them, he began to back away. The shocking news that his fellow ‘trooper was actually Kylo Ren had already been broken when he’d first arrived at the ship to see it, and after a plethora of barely accepted apologies, he’d made it his new goal to keep his distance. As Rey took her seat in the cockpit, Bean edged his way as far from his post as possible, moving to stand in the rear quarters so he was completely out of sight.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the peach. The _peach_. He’d offered Kylo Ren a _peach._

The cockpit was left to the three of them, giving Rey a sudden sense of deja vu that reminded her of the first time she’d flown with the two men. She strapped herself in and turned her head to peer back at Kylo from over the top of her seat, where he stood behind her in his armor. She remembered the feeling of dread that hadn’t quite spoiled that moment, back when they’d escaped together. She’d been scared, then.

She was terrified, now.

He caught her eye and dropped his hand to the top of her head, brushing his fingers against the side of her temple and the loose strands of her hair. She turned back around to rest her head against the seat cushion, and closed her eyes helplessly.

She’d never have guessed Kylo Ren would ever be the one comforting her in times of jeopardy. But there he was; and furthermore, he was very, very good at it.

She sank into the cushions, and felt the muscles of her shoulders slowly relax. Their take-off was so smooth, and silent, that she hadn’t even noticed they were in hyperspace until the sound of Hux’s voice caught her by surprise.

“I meant to thank you properly.” There was a heavy scratch to the sound of it, where something emotional was clawing its way out and he struggled to keep it under control. “For saving her.”

“Yes?” She heard the low vibrations of Kylo’s voice behind her, but his hands never stopped stroking her hair.

The emotion was gone from Hux’s voice when he responded to the goad, and the tight sharpness she’d grown familiar with had returned. “Well. Thank you.”

“That’s really all I get?”

Rey bit her lip, but her eyes stayed closed, and she stayed very still. She was almost as comforted by the sound of Kylo trying to frustrate Hux as she was with the feel of hands against her hair, so she settled in, waiting for the inevitable barbed return.

She heard a click instead. A shuffle of cloth. Movement beside her. No words. Just sounds.

And a muffled, surprised inhale.

Her eyes finally opened, and she turned, curious to see what had happened. When it registered in her mind that Hux had Kylo’s shirt fisted in his hands and Kylo’s lips pressed flat against his own, Rey’s mind shorted out.

Hux was kissing him. Really, _really_ kissing him. And she was just sitting there, watching, with Kylo’s hand frozen against her head.

Hux’s lips parted and his tongue slid between the plush of Kylo’s lips, forcing his way in. It seemed almost unrealistically obscene, and for a split second, Rey feared this was another one of Snoke’s tricks.

Then Hux pulled away, flush and out of breath and terribly proud of himself, with his eyes still closed and a pleased little smile parting his reddened lips. He dipped back in, and caught Kylo’s lower lip between his teeth, tugging it away before he breathed out any words. _”Thank_ you.”

“Uh.”

She had no idea what was going on, or how long whatever this was might have _been_ going on, but she most certainly felt as though she shouldn’t have been there to witness it. The sound of her voice seemed to travel straight up Hux’s spine, turning him rigid as though she’d electrified him into stillness. She wondered at his reaction - could he really be that surprised? Did he think she had been sleeping? Her skin flushed with embarrassment, feeling much like a child caught out of bed.

It was only a moment before Hux collected himself, and released Kylo’s shirt from his hold. He took a step back, sucked in a tightly drawn breath, and then turned bold eyes down to regard Rey curiously.

“What?” Hux muttered, straightening his jacket and returning to his seat. “I said I was grateful.”

He slid his hands into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, haphazardly lighting it and shoving it between his lips as quickly as he possibly could. Rey was still staring straight at him, and Kylo hadn’t recovered from his _thank you_ to be of any help. 

So Hux looked her in the eye again, ignoring the painful beating of his too-fast heartbeat, and rose both of his eyebrows as he breathed out a gust of smoke.

“You wouldn’t happen to have done anything deserving of my gratitude lately, have you Rey?”

It was the perfect weapon. His question made Rey stop staring and blush a deep, flushed red, as she squirmed back into her seat and let out a long string of awkwardly high-pitched giggles. She wasn’t going to press the issue, now.

At least, for a little while.

Hux took one long, shaky drag, but just as he exhaled the cigarette was ripped out of his hands and stolen by the man in the Stormtrooper suit still recovering from being kissed behind him. Kylo breathed in too hard, took his first drag of the cigarette, and - predictably - began an entirely unattractive set of coughing fits, one after the other.

His failure had both Rey and Hux bursting with laughter, and it reminded Rey of the first time she attempted to try a cigarette. Hux’s cigarette, in fact.

Hux certainly seemed to have an alarming knack for exposing her - and maybe Kylo - to fresh new experiences in their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy! Still going strong with nano fuel. I'm going to be taking a small break after this to write a reylux exchange fic for tropesgiving, so the next update is going to come a few days later than my current november standard (I think so far it's been a chapter every 3-4 days? I dunno for sure but there'll be a little bit more of a break after this one!)
> 
> Don't worry though, we're still running full steam ahead. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it feels pretty heavy and got a lot of shit going on. COUGHSTORMPILOTCOUGH 
> 
> And, you know, Hux making his move I guess. WHATEVER NO BIG DEAL NOT LIKE WE've WAITED 35 CHAPTERS OR ANYTHING-
> 
> to those of you still reading and commenting, thank you SO, SO MUCH. Churning this stuff out especially during nano is a real struggle and just seeing that you guys are still enjoying whatever the hell I've got going on here is so inspiring and makes me feel so good. I really love sharing this story with you guys. It means so much to me.
> 
> GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE ELSE DOING NANO, AND MAKE SURE YOU SEE FANTASTIC BEASTS THIS WEEKEND, I WILL BE!!! WOOOOOOOOOO HUFFLEPUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need like 50 goddamn naps

“You _kissed_ him.”

This had been going on for the last few minutes, to no avail.

“Tell me of what importance it is to discuss that fact, and perhaps you’ll get more out of me than you already have.” Hux breathed out, working on his fifth cigarette since their trip began. He’d lit them up in a row, using one to light the next, and his fifth was beginning to near its grisly end when Rey had started prodding him anew with her curiosity. Even his blatant attempts to offer her the same favor did not seem to sway her, anymore.

Kylo had already left the cockpit, choosing to stand with Bean and his awkward apologies rather than listen to Rey needle Hux for explanations.

This left Hux alone to deal with Rey’s indomitable curiosity, of which he had so far only managed to fuel with thin-lipped tightness. 

“My _sanity_ , for one.” She shot back at him. “I have to live with the two of you, in close quarters and with almost no reprieve, for an undetermined period of time. What’s more, after today’s little stunt by Snoke you can be sure Kylo’s even more adamant about keeping me around. Which means if you two are - you know.”

He rose an eyebrow.

“ _You know._ ” She repeated, blushing heavily as she glared at him. “I won’t say it. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t fool me for a minute.”

He wanted to beg to differ on that last point, but kept his mouth sharply shut.

“If I truly believed you were asking because you were worried that any carnal relations with Kylo Ren would disturb your sense of comfort, I would relinquish this argument and give you all I know. However, since I _don’t_ believe that, and I _do_ believe you’re just a nosy little troublemaker, I suggest you let it go. I don’t plan on discussing it with you.”

Rey went silent, for a moment. If he didn’t know any better, he might have thought she was considering leaving the topic alone.

He knew better.

“Do you like him?”

Hux’s body betrayed him in ways his finely schooled expression never could, as the color ran high on his immobile cheeks. He stared out of the viewport, focusing too intensely on the constant drone of blue flashing past them from deep within hyperspace.

“Don’t be absurd.”

Rey sounded far too pleased when she shifted closer, turning her legs in his direction despite the awkwardness of sitting all over the middle console of controls. “You _do_ like him. Admit it. Oh, please do. I won’t be petty. I promise!”

Hux’s hand leaned over to wrap around Rey’s legs, lifting them off of the console and gently swiveling them back into her seat. He did so without looking, straightening up once he was sure she wasn’t about to accidentally overload an engine. “You’re charming in your naivete, my sweet girl.” He murmured, his lips threatening to lift in a smile. “There are so many different forms of attraction in this world. If you took all of the ones that you could imagine, none of them would fit the purposes of this conversation. So no, I do not _like_ him. In fact, there are times when I’m sure I _hate_ him.” He finally turned to look at her, twisting his expression in wry amusement. “If I even had the capacity to _like_ someone, in any form of the word, the honor of that would arguably go to you.”

Rey hadn’t quite lost the blush she’d been kissed with earlier, but meeting her gaze and telling her such bold statements brought all the color back into her face, until she covered her cheeks with her hands and willed the warmth away.

“You’re just trying to get me to stop asking again.” She accused, tearing her eyes away and frowning. “It won’t work. I want to know what’s going on between you two. I would - appreciate a straight answer.”

She was trying, however badly, to find his favor again. Politeness went a long way with Hux, and she knew that more than anyone. His weakness was her gentle will, not her stubbornness. It was a weakness he was happily exploiting when it came to working with the Resistance, but found himself affected by, now.

His smile disappeared.

“Nothing has happened.” Hux answered, hedging his words carefully. “This is not to say there was not due cause for attraction. A war is just not the best breeding ground for emotional entanglement, you see. The reason why I give you nothing is because there is nothing to give, save for what you’ve seen. And for the record, no. I do not _like_ him.”

He’d gotten so far without lying, until the very end. Giving her his honest answer had left him feeling too exposed, and he couldn’t help himself. After all, even he believed there was no love lost between himself and the Commander. Only lust.

“You’re a very good liar.” Rey’s voice had gone soft, but in that softness she wielded a power that was cutting straight to his very core. “But I think not this time.”

He fell silent, glaring hatefully out at the hazy reflection of his own face in the viewport glass. He argued that Rey simply did not know him as well as she thought she did. That she did not understand him. That she had no idea who she was dealing with. These arguments were kept in his own mind, where they could help him most.

He jolted with surprise at the feel of soft fingers brushing too lightly against the top of his hand. She was reaching for it, winding her grasp around his fingers until she captured it in her smaller grip, and pulled it towards her. Their hands hung in the space between the two, over consoles blinking red and blue hues against their skin.

“Well, for the record,” She told him, breaking the silence with what sounded like a trembling amusement. “ _I_ like you.”

He turned his hard gaze to meet hers, both eyebrows raising in expectation. He would not let her get away with that, after what she’d just put him through. “You _like_ me, do you?” He needled, throwing her childish phrasings back in her face with an unattractive relish. He expected frustration in return, at the very least.

Instead, she bit her lower lip between her teeth, and he sorely regretted ever making the joke. It flooded him, turning his blood cold and pounding his head with warning. He’d been _joking_. Of course she didn’t-

“I don’t know what that feels like.” She whispered out, clenching the hold she’d captured his hand with. “So it’s hard to say. It’s hard to say how I feel about anything, anymore.”

Rey had never been more vulnerable than she was in that one crystalline moment of clarity, where the exploration of emotions that did not come naturally to her could have been exploited with gentle, caressing ease. He could bond her to him, with a gentle touch and a comforting word. He could have convinced her of anything he wanted, in that moment. She was ripe, waiting to be harvested.

He recoiled with disgust, bringing his cigarette to his lips and taking a shaky drag before pulling his other hand up to his lips and taking hers with it. He pressed a sharp kiss against the back of her palm, and then let it drop again. When he did, his fingers released her, fully expecting her to do the same. Instead, she hung them there, still clinging. With aching hesitance, he curled his fingers back up around her hand again, one at a time.

“You’re young.” He assured her. “You’ll soon find that none of us are entirely sure what we’re feeling at any one time, no matter how capable or experienced we are. As terrifying as that truth may be, take heart in knowing you’re not alone.”

It was the closest he could manage to admitting that he, a man of great lascivious history, had no practical understanding of the concept behind attraction based on emotion, instead of desire.

He found himself in unfamiliar territory. It disoriented him, put him off to it. He wanted nothing more than to dissect every infuriating thrill and pain and yearning, to understand it until he’d mastered it’s every form and function. He needed to understand it, just as she needed to understand herself.

He needed a teacher.

He snuffed his cigarette on the tiny ashtray peeking out from the side of his console, then relinquished her hand and set it back against her knee, patting it before nudging his chin in the direction of the back end. “Get me the oaf. The very least I can do for you is have a proper discussion with him concerning how to best not disturb you with any further licentiousness in or near your presence. I promise nothing.” His lips tightened to hold back the smile when Rey’s cheeks darkened again. “But I will do my best.”

She crawled out of the seat, pausing just beside him and hesitating before wrapping her arms around his neck from behind. She hugged him, careful not to jostle him too much as she did so, and muttered something stubbornly against his cheek. “I do like you, you know. Very much in fact. I just don’t know if I - “

Now that his hands were free, he could reach up and press one against her mouth, stifling her awkward confession. He let his hand stay there, pinning her down with a knowing gaze, before finally releasing her mouth and patting her cheek instead.

“You would do well to let me kiss you and get it over with.” He told her.

She shook her head, and crunched up her nose with regret. “That didn’t work out so well for me the last time I tried it.”

He knew the event to which she was referring to, but made no mention of it. The gentle trill of jealousy over Finn’s kiss was almost non-existent, now. “How sensibly prudent of you, Rey. I could almost say I was proud.”

He was, but only a little. In truth, he was mostly just disappointed.

He nudged his head in Kylo’s direction. “Go.” He ordered, moving very little as she slid her arms away. 

He was left with a spare few moments of privacy, and in the silence he found himself more contemplative than ever. He’d become very fond of the girl; this he thought he could admit to himself safely. He was protective over her to a fault, and there were even times when he found himself making decisions that had no ulterior motive other than simply making sure she was happy. Those were the strangest, most unique moments of all.

It was better to admit his faults now, and accept their place in his world, than to continue to ignore them and find excuses for his behavior. He cared for the girl, as much as he had the ability to care for anyone. The revelation would have disgusted him, not so long ago. Now, he’d sought to find a place for these emotions, devoted solely to a single solitary outlier, and could easily settle them there to be handled at the appropriate time and place.

Except that she was not an outlier, and these emotions were not solely dedicated to her. In fact, if he’d really sought to be sincere with himself, the issue of feeling more than safe desire had arisen first with Ren, lying prone in a pool of his own blood cooling against the snow. He knew that to be the first moment where he’d diverged from what had otherwise been a very successful operating strategy. 

He’d been ordered to save Ren. He understood the importance of the Force user in the grand scheme of the First Order. There were good, solid reasons why it had felt so significant to get Ren on that shuttle and patched up as quickly as possible. But only now could he acknowledge that there was another, unacceptable reason urging him forward. 

It was simply this; Ren did not deserve to die.

He thought Ren deserved a lot of things, but he’d already decided that was not one of them.

So he’d cared for the well being of a man whose existence had brought ruin and defeat to everything Hux had once held in such high regard, and yet there he was, standing in the snow, saving his life.

Kylo slid into the passengers seat and reached back immediately, tugging on a crank until the seat accommodated his long, bulky form. The sound of it jarred Hux out of his contemplation, and he furrowed his brows as he regarded the man in the Stormtrooper suit beside him. He felt nothing of the normal, healthy urges to which his body desired when Kylo was around. He stared at the man and felt a sense of companionship, of belonging.

He supposed Rey’s innocent phrasing was a more efficient indicator of the unwelcome longing that made him settle his hand on Kylo’s knee, and let it remain there, like an anchor. Admitting she was right was easier than the alternative. Despite how crude and infantile it sounded, he thought he did, in fact, _like_ Kylo Ren.

And wasn’t that just a shame?

Kylo could see that Hux was struggling with something, so he held back the inevitable barb sure to fall from his lips, and placed his large hand on top of the one set on his knee. This was a difficult time for them all, but Hux knew that the troubles brewing within Kylo Ren were only compounded by the conflict stirring within himself, and that of the girl out of sight. Kylo felt everything, and everyone, simultaneously.

Perhaps that was why he was so much better at admitting when he’d become emotionally engaged with another person. Hux refused to feel his _own_ emotions; he couldn’t bear to imagine the idea of feeling those of others around him, as well.

“I had the most fascinating conversation with our sweet Rey, just a moment ago.” Hux finally rumbled out, his voice sounding obscenely scratchy to his own ears. “Would you like to hear about it?”

Kylo did not answer immediately. Hux saw a clear, readable conflict in his eyes; he was warring between truth, and politeness. In the end, truth won.

“I heard the whole thing.” He admitted, leaving Hux to wonder if he’d actually just heard it, or _felt_ it as well. He preferred the former to the latter, but refused to put himself in a position of that much exposure in order to answer.

“Scoundrel.” Hux tutted at him playfully. “Then you know it’s in her best interests to keep any future engagements between us to a minimum while in her vicinity. She’s in no state of mind to be confused by our whims.”

Kylo’s fingers slid just underneath the ones resting on his knee, slowly pulling them up to intertwine with his own. When Hux met his eyes, there was a dark, brooding mischief there. This was the Ren he’d been used to. 

“But I _like_ your whims.” He growled out, more animal than human in his voice.

“Be that as it may, the last time you gave in to your whims concerning me, she almost left. And I wasn’t even _with_ you that time. Our first priority must be to keeping her comfortable.”

The conflict was back in Kylo’s eyes, but this time Hux couldn’t read the reasons within. He settled for patience, waiting until Kylo shared with him what part of the mandate bothered him most.

“What about what you promised me.” The answer finally came, unexpected and unclear. Hux had to think for a moment before remembering exactly what he’d promised Kylo - and how much this trouble with Rey could actually hinder following through on it. 

He’d promised to teach the man control. Over his Force empathy, and over himself. His plans for doing so involved a great, great deal of the exact problematic activity that could potentially disturb Rey. And yet, he so very much longed to get started on Kylo’s training.

“I intend to honor that promise.” Hux whispered, keeping his gaze firm and unrelenting. “In full, to completion. The situation with Rey requires finesse, however. And time. When it comes to this particular issue, I believe time is the one resource we have in abundance.”

Unfortunately, this was not the issue that currently plagued their lives with the greatest sense of urgency.

“You have plans to continue your training. Correct?” Hux murmured, his mind slowly splitting its attentions to the matter of Snoke. “Does that include a greater hold on her sense of blocking?”

“It can be.” Kylo admitted, though his voice held a note of unhappiness that made no sense to Hux. “I have to focus on teaching her to be aware of the void Snoke leaves in the Force. Even I’m not a master at the technique, but it’s more important than ever to give her a chance at protecting herself.”

Hux’s distracted gaze settled on the hands against Kylo’s knee, and he nodded slowly. “That is priority. Her skills with blocking should be exercised as well. If she can block you, she stands a better chance at blocking out Snoke.”

Kylo’s expression crumbled. When he didn’t reply, Hux flickered his attention back up to stare at him, unnerved by the lack of agreement. 

“What if.” Kylo whispered. “I don’t _want_ her blocking us out.”

Kylo’s tendencies towards impatience and selfishness were no surprise to Hux, but he felt a surge of anger strike through him at this new level of greed.

“You seek to goad her into a level of intimacy she is not ready for.” Hux warned through clenched teeth. “You’ve barely won her trust. Exposing her to uncontained lust would merely scare her away.”

Kylo’s hand snaked out from where Hux had been holding it, leaving Hux’s palm pressed hard against his knee again. “You don’t know what she’s ready for.” He challenged, though there was no sense of confidence in his pouting voice.

“No.” Hux admitted. “But I think you do. And I think you know this is not it.”

Hux liked being right, most of the time. In fact, there was barely a time when he did not enjoy it. Just this once, however, he privately wished that he wasn’t.

“The only concern we should be focused on now is keeping her safe on a more permanent basis.” Hux muttered, pulling away to sit back on his seat and frown with contemplation. “This little game of Snoke’s has left me jarred. He knew he stood no chance in that battle. Everything that man does has a purpose, and I intend to find out what that purpose truly was.”

“He wants Rey.” Kylo told him, watching him with confusion.

“That is his end game. These catch and release tactics aren’t a proper function of his inevitable acquirement. He’s poking holes and searching for something; all the while, his meager attempts to reacquire the girl and create dissonance between the First Order and the Resistance are nothing more than distractions, keeping us from digging deeper.”

Hux was missing something and that _enraged_ him. 

“Maybe he’s hoping your men turn on you.” Kylo offered. His words did not change Hux’s expression, but at least his suggestion was not carelessly brushed away.

“He’s tried that before.” Hux admitted. “In admittedly smaller numbers. Still, dissonance remains prevalent even within the ranks of the Finalizer. Some of our officers and ‘troopers still hold me responsible for the failure of Starkiller. Their anger is a potential resource for him to tap in to, should he find the right moment. But why would he stage a _victory_ for our side if he wanted to sow the seeds of..”

His voice trailed off as an idea began to form. He slid his fingers across a blank console, until it flickered to life at his touch. His elegant manipulation of the holographic panel sped by faster than Kylo’s eyes could catch up, until he had a long list of ship names blinking across his screen, scrolling by slower in order to read each one.

“Subtle,” Hux whispered, without any context that Kylo could comprehend. “But crude. There must be more than just this.”

“What _is it._ ” Kylo finally seethed out, impatiently leaning forward.

“General Mitaka’s report suggests 51 Star Destroyers answered the beacon call when I sent the signal out. Only 45 managed to arrive on time, leaving six of them to alter their travel coordinates and return to their stationed quadrant.”

“And?” Kylo urged him on.

Hux lifted his brows and looked at him. “ _Eight_ ships, not six, reported back to Alpha Seven quadrant. Unsurprisingly, those ships are no longer responding to Mitaka’s hails. We can assume they’re under Snoke’s authority, now.”

Hux should have been angry. Instead, Kylo watched him lean back on his chair, stare up at the overhead console with a deeply furrowed brow, and tap out a steady rhythm against the metal of his armrest as he lost himself in thought.

“It’s - such a near insignificant win. I refuse to believe Snoke’s gone and done this just to chip away at the extensive navy he himself helped build. Still, those ships pose a security risk. They have the most recent communications from our fleet, including intel on locations, shipments, and contacts.” His fingers began to move again, entrancing Kylo with their speed.

“We can track them. Can’t we? Use them to hunt Snoke down.”

Hux’s fingers stilled in mid-stroke. He pursed his lips tightly, and his movement began again. “You’re not ready to face him. That would be walking directly into a trap and you know it.”

“Like hell I’m not.” Kylo barked back soundly. “Every minute he still lives is another minute Rey’s in danger. Track the Destroyers. I’m finishing this now.”

Hux’s hand lifted from the console to his face, pressing two fingers against the bridge of his nose to try and quell the rising headache that began pulsing from behind his eyes. “Should you face the man now, she’ll inevitably follow - with or without your permission.” Hux added the last quickly, before Kylo could dispute it. “Your best strategy is to teach her, and strengthen your own skills, just as you said. Leaving her alone while you gallivant off in search of a fight just leaves her susceptible to a stealthier attack. So do us all a favor, and focus.”

“And what do you plan to do in the meantime?” Kylo sounded like he was challenging the man, and Hux felt ready for the challenge, despite how much he _loathed_ the plans he was laying out ahead of him.

“I plan on tightening our security breaches, scrambling our ships and shipyards, and preparing for a bit of poking myself.” He sighed out, sending off the final order through his holo-projector before shutting it down. His hands returned to the controls of the ship, switching several different functions before pulling them slowly out of hyperspace.

Dark space yawned out ahead of them, dotted only by the sight of a cluster of planets. There was no sight of the Finalizer, or any other First Order ship in their vicinity.

It caught Kylo’s attention, and he leaned forward to stare out of the viewport in distress.

“Where are we?” He asked, unable to identify the planets by sight alone.

“Nowhere of any concern to you.” Hux answered, unbuckling himself and standing up from his seat. He was already on the move when he threw his words casually over his shoulder. “I just need to pick something up.” 

A hand shot out to grab him by the wrist, pulling Hux back before he’d gotten too far. Kylo glared up at him, stewing in a heavy mix of frustration, self-loathing, and disappointment. “I don’t like secrets.”

Hux blinked down at the hold on his wrist, then back up at Kylo with an air of mild irritation. “Then you’ve got quite the uphill battle ahead of you, if you think to gain more out of me than just a quick fuck. Good luck with that.”

He tugged his arm away, but Kylo refused to let it go. Instead, he pulled Hux forward until he stood in the cockpit once more, rigid and impatient next to Kylo’s seated side. The Admiral waited, glaring eye to eye with the dark look he was receiving from below, and refused to flinch.

The magnetic swirls of gloom twisting in those brown eyes cleared into something sharper, and more troublesome. He absolutely hated when Kylo turned introspective; it always meant more trouble for him.

“Why are you always trying to help me with her.” Kylo muttered, earning himself a roll of Hux’s eyes. “I know you want her. I’ve _seen_ it. I don’t get your game. It’s just another damn secret with you. One of a billion.”

Hux thought turmoil was strangely attractive on that dissonant featured face, especially when Kylo tugged at the inside of his cheek with his teeth. When his wrist was finally released, he lifted his hand up and patted that cheek, brimming with fondness he wasn’t aware he could muster. “It’s true.” Hux’s lips hardly moved as the words shuddered out. He drifted until he was seated side-saddle on the meat of Kylo’s thighs, using him like a comfortable chair. “I’ve never been very good at sharing. You have every right to be suspicious. After all, I’ve managed leaps and bounds ahead of you in terms of attracting her.”

Kylo’s growl resonated so firmly it vibrated against the back of Hux’s legs and the side of his arm. That, too, was a uniquely attractive feature.

He wrapped an arm loosely around Kylo’s shoulder, and his fingers buried themselves comfortably into the tangles of black hair. The touch was like petting a familiar, demeaning and subservient, but it turned Kylo’s growls into a different sort of pleasant vibration nonetheless.

“Common goals bring together unlikely allies.” Hux explained, with a distant, unfocused gaze. “She doesn’t want me. Nor you. But when it’s us, she finds reasons to stay. That’s all that matters to me, to be quite honest. That she _stays_.”

Despite his explanation, Hux could tell by the tension in Kylo’s body that the man was still uneasy and grim. Even the stroke of Hux’s fingers against his scalp could not soothe away the feelings that were surfacing after too much time buried away. 

“She would have been mine without you.” Kylo assured him, his words flung out with edges in a snappy, clenched retort.

A laugh bubbled out from Hux’s throat and he instantly regretted it, but only a little bit. “Ah, yes. Your supposed destiny, ripped out from underneath you. She would turn to the Dark Side, you would be Snoke’s right hand and she his left. Quite likely you would then have been tasked with killing me, to keep my potential from surfacing. And how did all of that work out for you, Kylo? How is your future looking now?”

Kylo reached up to pull Hux’s hand out of his hair, gripping it too hard as he tugged the man away. “You mock me.” He hissed in warning, tensing even further.

It felt twisted, to cheat and abuse his newfound powers against the man underneath him, but he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to those angrily pursed lips anyway, defusing what was most certainly a bomb ready to explode. “Only because I’m pleased that you did _not_ get everything you thought you wanted. My question stands - compare the scenarios, and inform me when you’ve made a rational decision on whether or not you regret the choices that have led you to this point. You still have time to turn back that clock.”

He saw the crack of what he assumed was terror flash through Kylo’s eyes, and suddenly both flesh and broken mechanical hands were around his waist until he was utterly consumed by the kind of full body embrace that left him struggling for air. He heard a whisper, thick and full of certainty, breathed against his ear.

“Never.” Kylo promised, fervent enough to force a smug smile to tug helplessly against Hux’s lips.

“Good.” Hux hissed out. “Now let me go. This is ridiculous. You, are ridiculous.”

Kylo took his time before disentangling himself from the man, and a chuckle vibrated from deep within his chest as he watched Hux fuss with every detail of his jacket and hair, smoothing it all down to perfection with annoyance. 

“Remember when I told you these wild delights you were ready to feast in were far more dangerous than the shoddy, childish concept of love?” Hux muttered, refusing to look Kylo in the eye as he fussed with his collar and adjusted it unnecessarily.

Kylo nodded.

“Well congratulations.” Hux lifted himself up from Kylo’s lap, flattened out his trousers methodically with both hands, and then reached up suddenly to grab Kylo’s face in one hand, pressing his fingers almost painfully into both of his cheeks. He gripped that face and tugged it upward. Now, he looked into Kylo’s eyes again. He tried to look annoyed. And failed.

“You’ve doomed us both.”

Hux leaned in, planting an almost angry kiss against those pouty lips. When he was done assaulting Kylo with his violent affection, he dropped his face and turned, storming away from the cockpit to disappear behind its walls.

He’d left Kylo frozen, shaken to stillness with confusion and a sense of eerie concern over what could be worse than love, when it came to Hux. Armed with only a taste of just how deep that dark well could go, he shuddered with uneasy anticipation and turned his thoughts to focus on the matter at hand; preparing himself and Rey to deal with Snoke.

Immediately, he threw himself into meditation. Perhaps he wasn’t ready to face Snoke and end all this now, but he was more determined than ever to get there. If not for himself, or for Rey, then for the man whose kiss promised something far more frightening than love if only they could survive this obstacle together.

* * *

It only took a few steps to slide through the narrow corner and join Rey and Bean in the cargo hold. They were seated on crates, facing one another, and Bean’s helmet was off. Once he heard the Admiral’s footsteps still behind him, Bean grabbed the abandoned helmet and slammed it on his head automatically, saluting a little too formally from where he sat on the crate. Hux would have appreciated the attempt at respect, if he wasn’t already so occupied with his own thoughts.

Despite his best attempts to readjust himself to formality, Hux looked flush faced and overwhelmed. Rey was reading too deeply into it, by the way her expression was slowly lifting into a smug, knowing smile.

This was going to get old, fast.

“At ease.” Hux told the Stormtrooper when Bean lurched up to his feet after his salute was fully ignored. He brushed the man aside with a wave of his hand, and then turned on his heel, dropping down beside Rey to share the crate she was sitting on. She was jostled by his sudden presence, and shifted to accommodate him against her.

He pressed his hands against his lips, hunching forward, and lost himself in his own thoughts.

Both Rey and Bean looked thoroughly at a loss for how to react to his presence, or whether they should even say a word. Bean’s eyes caught Rey’s, silently gesturing as he mouthed out _should I leave_ at her. She shook her head, and rested a hand lightly against Hux’s back.

“It went that well, did it?” Rey whispered, chiding him in the hopes of lightening the mood. It worked, but only to a point. He met her gaze with a side glance and breathed out a single chuckle, before blowing out a long, drawn out sigh.

“We have a chance of plans.” Hux told her, startling her by speaking of it with Bean still in his presence. She was already assuming he was talking about their previous _problem_ , and that conversation felt too intimate for Bean’s ears. 

Hux relieved her almost instantly by dismissing that assumption with his explanation. “We won’t be returning to the Finalizer for a bit longer. I have something I need to pick up in this system - we’re already here, orbiting the planet. I wanted to explain that to you, before we landed.”

He lifted his head up to Bean. “You’ll be accompanying me in-land when we touch down. Once we’ve established a safe zone, you will return to escort the Commander and Rey to the designated location. Is that clear?”

Bean was already barking out a confident _yes, sir_ when Rey spoke, their voices clashing in mayhem. “You’re going off without us? And it’s potentially unsafe? Are you barking mad?” Rey’s voice was raising too quickly, but it was rolling off of Hux as though her anger was harmless. She could tell it had no effect - and that only made her angrier.

Still, he continued. “I know this place like the back of my hand. I’m not in any danger.”

“Then let us come with you.” Rey pleaded, as insistent as he’d expected her to be.

“No.” There was a finality to his command, as though she was one of his officers, and expected her to respect his decision. He stood up, and put a hand on her head. “You have much to work on with Kylo. Now might be a good time to get started on that.”

She knocked the hand off of her head and stood, attempting to get on her toes to face him as close as she could. Despite her height, she still managed to cut an imposing figure; though it paled in the face of a man as used to authority as Hux. “I’d really love to see you try to stop us from coming.” She huffed out, unamused laughter hidden in every sharp word. 

She had a point. There was no way he could stop two powerful Force users from following him down into the thick of the jungle-covered planet. He simply hoped they would find it in them to understand.

So he brought his finger against her lips, holding it against the plush give and pressing down to feel their softness. “I don’t want to try and stop you. I want you to trust that when I say no, it’s for a good reason. This is a personal matter. If you will not respect my command, then accept my _request_. Don’t follow me. Not until I’m ready. Is that clear?”

His voice mesmerized her, twining her up in the pull and demand of it, leaving her mouth parting as it all settled on her shoulders, heavy. There was no other answer. Not when he asked like that. Not when he spoke with his eyes and pleaded until she finally understood just how important this was to him. 

She nodded, lips still parted against his finger.

He looked as if he wanted to smile, but had no strength left for it. Instead, he fluttered his eyelashes and rose a slow arching brow. “I need you to keep him here.” He added, as if staying behind wasn’t hard enough. Whatever spell he’d cast suddenly burst like a bubble, and she pinched her face in dismay. “He’s not as understanding as you. I won’t even attempt to get through to him.”

“It won’t be easy.” She said, as if he didn’t already know.

“With him, nothing is.” He reminded her, dropping his hand from her lips and turning back to the Stormtrooper that had pointedly turned his head away from what must have been an uncomfortably intimate scene. When his eyes fell on Bean, the veil of command returned to him in an instant.

“We’ll be landing in ten minutes. Gather what you need and be ready.”

Bean straightened and saluted with a fist against his chest, barking out a solid _sir_ before ducking away from the two of them quickly. Once he’d disappeared, Hux’s shoulders sagged just a bit, and he finally managed to give Rey the smile she deserved from him.

“And just what were the two of you talking about all this time, before I came in?” He asked, pressing a hand gently against the curve of her hip. She brightened with near-torturous levels of mischief, and bit the tip of her tongue between her teeth as she grinned.

“None of your business, that’s what.” She told him, earning a jab against the meat of her hip. 

“He’s one of my men. Everything he does is my business.” Hux countered, deftly avoiding any signs of jealousy by focusing on Bean’s privacy instead. 

“Sure. _That’s_ why you asked.” It seemed as though she wasn’t falling for his obvious ambiguity, leaving him to wonder just how he was going to get away with caring for the girl when she was all too obvious of his less than altruistic intentions. It was a difficult minefield to maneuver through, when her sharp eyes had turned towards him as if always expecting him to go too far.

She was more trouble than he was prepared for. Yet not more trouble than she was worth.

His hand led her out of the cargo hold, maneuvering their way single file until they returned to the cockpit. Bean was still out of sight making preparations when Hux returned to his seat, and Rey stopped in front of Kylo, who was meditating calmly in hers. She looked from him, to Hux, bit her lower lip in thought, and then shrugged as though whatever decision she’d come to was not really worth fussing over. 

Hux didn’t see the moment she’d crawled into the space on the seat that Kylo’s long, folded up legs had left empty, or curled herself up tightly so she could sit comfortably in such a small, cramped position. Hux was only aware of it when he heard the sound of indignation that came from Kylo, when he was torn from meditation by the weight of her against him. She was such a clever little thing, wrapped up so easily in the chasm his long legs left behind, but it still left Kylo with the girl sharing his seat in close quarters, and the look on his face when he realized it was utterly priceless to Hux.

He wished he’d had some sort of recording device to snap that moment into immortality.

“What do you think you’re _doing_?” Kylo asked, his voice hitched up at least an octave above it’s normal pitch. Something akin to a muffled snort escaped Hux, but he cleared his throat to hide it.

“I’m sitting?” Rey informed him, reaching for the buckle of the belt. It strained almost obscenely when she tried to stretch it out over the both of them, and when the buckle refused to meet its home, she eventually gave up. “You were in my seat, and there’s nowhere else to sit.”

“But you’re.” Kylo refused to finish the sentence, instead using his hand to wave wildly at the curve of her body pressed against his. She watched his hand flail and her brow furrowed, trying desperately to understand why this was such a hard thing for him to process.

“I woke up, earlier today, curled up in your entire body.” She muttered, a growing trepidation threading through her voice. “Why is this - is this a bad thing?”

Hux rolled his eyes; he could have slapped Kylo for his reaction, right now. He was going to insult her, at this rate. It wouldn’t take long before she read too hard into it. He almost felt like counting down, waiting for the moment she decided that casual, comfortable proximity to Kylo Ren was somehow a crime.

_Three, two, and-_

She leapt out of the chair and attempted to climb onto the console in front of them to get away from him, suddenly horrified.

_And there it went._

“Rey, please refrain from sitting on my console, you’ll accidentally engage the self-destruct.” Hux’s voice was practically musical as he warned her of her current precarious position. She let out a squeak, crawling off of the console and back into the seat in a vain attempt to keep as much of her body _not_ touching Kylo as possible.

Much too late, he’d realized his mistake, and wound his arms around the girl, pulling her back against him. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” He growled out, turning her rigid with the unhappy sound of his voice. “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. Would you _please_ kriffing relax, your knees are digging into me and you are still as sharp and knobby as ever.”

Rey did not relax for some time, but she did shift to sit with her back facing him, so as not to bruise his body any further with her wild, sharp movements. She folded her hands tight in front of her, curled up unhappily, and pouted in silence for a solid five minutes of sulking.

They were already landing by the time she’d begun to relax, unfurling herself until her head was resting on Kylo’s chest. He took the gesture to mean he was at least partially forgiven, but leaned in to grumble one last _sorry_ into the curve of her ear, earning him the last remaining dregs of forgiveness to lock her safely in his arms.

Hux’s landing was as elegant as everything else he did, and when they touched down he let out a small sound of satisfaction, and began to power down the ship in stages.

“He still won’t tell me why we’re here.” Kylo grunted out. “Did he tell you?”

Rey froze for a moment, hesitating as she tried to think up the best answer to that question. Kylo would know if she lied, but she knew she had to convince him that they needed to stay.

“I know it’s important to him.” Rey hedged, which was the truth, but no real answer. “And I know it’ll give us some time to work on my blocking while he’s gone.”

Hux’s hand stilled against a switch for just one moment, before he returned to powering down and unbuckled himself from the seat.

“What do you mean, _while he’s gone._ ” Kylo murmured carefully. Despite the way he was trying to control his reaction, Rey could already feel anger shuddering up from deep within him, ready to explode.

She pressed back harder, willing her own weight to keep him at bay.

“He’s going in first, with Bean. Then we’re meeting him there. He needs some privacy.”

There, she thought. How could he refuse?

_“No.”_

Oh. That’s how.

Hux was bowing out of the cockpit, plucking his cape off of the back of his seat and attaching it to his shoulders. She had to admit, if he was leaving with his cape on, she couldn’t imagine he was walking into _too_ much danger. There were safer outfits to hide or run for your life in than long, flowing capes.

Kylo suddenly heaved, attempting to get up off of the seat and simply follow Hux wherever he was planning to go. Rey railed against the movement, pushing back until he could feel her straining with the attempt and stopped fighting her simply to keep from hurting her. His eyes were narrowed and filled with contempt, staring at Hux’s back, but they turned to her and softened just slightly.

“Get off me, Rey.” He demanded, with no trace of that softness in his voice.

“I think I’ll stay right here, thank you.” She said, pushing her hands against his shoulders in a vain effort to get him to settle back on the chair. “Hux is allowed to have private things, too. He’s taking Bean, and he knows this planet. He promised he was in no danger. I trust him.”

With those words, Rey had Kylo’s full attention.

“Do you.” He muttered, settling back on the seat as the full force of her words hit him. She trusted Hux. He doubted that the man deserved a treasure that priceless, when he was walking away from them with no explanation of where, or why. She trusted Hux, and Kylo was slowly beginning to question _why_. 

“Yes.” She wasn’t hesitating, anymore. If he wanted to question her choices, she looked ready to fight for them. 

He liked her best when she was ready to fight.

“And you want me to trust him, too, don’t you.” Kylo chuckled out darkly, shaking his head in disbelief. Rey startled that shake into stillness with her answer.

“No.” She told him. “I want you to trust me.”

And in that moment, Kylo wondered if being around Hux was starting to rub off on Rey just a little too much to bear. Her endearing eyes held a challenge, and deeper within them he saw the confidence that she would win this battle, despite the odds. As if somewhere, in that innocent, brash little body, the girl knew she already had him wrapped around her little finger.

Every part of him wanted to fight against that unacceptable, crippling truth. He was opposed to being _controlled_ , in any way.

Her lips flickered, as though strings attached to the corners had shuddered just slightly, and that tiny, hopeful movement crumbled his walls of opposition as though they were made of sand.

“We keep in constant contact with him.” Kylo’s words were as good as surrender, and that twitch on her lips grew to a full smile, forcing him to wince when he saw it. “Blocking can wait. We turn our focus to monitoring him from here.”

“Kylo.” Rey warned, her lips pursing in a way that distracted him from breathing. “His _privacy._ ”

He hated the girl in his arms in equal measures to his endearment of her.

 _“We’ll monitor Bean, then._ He hissed the words out from between clenched teeth, nearly growling as the last threads of his patience began to fray. “I will not leave him out there alone.”

Rey lifted her eyes to consider, and then nodded. If anything, the answer pleased her; Bean’s safety was just as much her concern as Hux’s, after all. “Deal. You keep an eye out for Bean. I’ll work on my blocking - and on your arm. And we leave Hux alone.”

Hux returned, with Bean fully armed at his side, and reached over to flip the switch that activated the docking doors. “Such lovely words to return to. Thank you, my dear.”

Kylo’s eyes were flinty as they stared up at him, but the effect was weathered by the girl wrapped up in his arms, grinning ferociously with victory. “Don’t make us wait too long. I’m already itching to get outside.”

“When are you not?” Hux asked her, leaning in to fondly bump the underside of her chin with his crooked finger. “Be good while I’m gone.”

“When am I not?” She parroted back at him, earning a sharp laugh from Hux’s departing back and a groan from Kylo as he disentangled himself and lifted her up to her feet. She hurried for the ramp and clambered down to watch Hux leave, shuffling purposefully towards the thick of the jungle with Bean at his back. He’d barely made it off the ship before Rey called out to him, picking her way through the grass to catch up with him. She hesitated as she stood in front of him, scratching the side of her arm as she struggled silently inside of her own mind. He watched on in puzzlement, until she turned towards Bean.

“Turn around a second.” She told him, firmly enough to have convinced the ‘trooper to turn his back on the two without a single moment of hesitation. Hux rose both of his eyebrows, mildly impressed by the display.

His eyebrows remained risen when she pushed up on her tiptoes and pressed a hasty kiss to the junction of his cheek and the corner of his lips, as though she’d meant to kiss them and changed her mind at the last second. She dropped and folded her arms in front of him, instantly withdrawing with embarrassment and stubbornness.

“For luck.” She piped up at him, frowning.

He watched her struggle for a few long, satisfying seconds, before bowing his head in thanks. “I feel luckier already.”

He slid past her with a hand on her shoulder, walking away until his lingering touch finally escaped and she was left standing alone. She watched him until she couldn’t see him anymore, and then trudged back to the ship’s ramp, looking anywhere but the tall body leaning against the leg of the ramp’s lifting device. His arms were folded lazily, his foot was resting back against the metal behind him, and she didn’t need to look at his face to know he was sporting the smuggest of smiles.

She walked right past him without a word, and just when she thought she was safe from being teased, he piped up behind her.

“You know.”

She groaned.

“It’s going to be hard keeping track of them all the time. I could sure use some luck, too.”

“Nice try.” She called out shakily, reaching behind her to grab his broken mechanical arm without looking and dragging him roughly inside to get to work on it.

* * *

Hux hadn’t been lying. The trip to what he’d called the safe zone hadn’t been dangerous at all. Bean’s gun had been trained on the trees, keeping an eye out for hazardous wildlife as they slogged through the wet terrain. It had taken an hour before they were even within a distance to see signs of sentient life, though even that was scarce and primitive. From a distance, Bean could see that the jungle was cleared ahead of them, with little smatterings of encampments made up of straw covered huts. Hux seemed to analyze the view ahead of them, searching for something. Eventually, he sighed and pulled out an almost archaic looking communicator; Bean had never seen the likes of it before, and knew it couldn’t have the power to work on long-range communications. 

It sputtered to life and a hazy blue holo-image appeared just above it, cutting out every few seconds. It was difficult to see from where Bean was standing, but he knew that the Admiral would not permit him to get a closer look. So he squinted, trying his best to get a better view of the face that was forming in the projection, smiling up at Hux brilliantly.

Except, what he saw made no real sense at all. There were some obvious differences that were throwing Bean off, but the longer he looked at the man in the projection, the longer he started to suspect the truth.

“Ar-” Hux lifted a finger, hushing the shaky voice before he could get a word out. The man looking up at him smiled sheepishly, batting at his lips with the flat of his hand.

“Sorry, sorry. Xander. You’re back! Are you close by? Oh, you must be. You’re here to see me!”

“Location coordinates, please.” Hux answered the friendly voice as if he was speaking to a computer.

The man frowned, pursing his lips out comically. “Still so grumpy. I don’t know if I really want to see you now. You haven’t even said hello to me yet. You’re so rude!”

Bean watched the weight on Hux’s shoulders sag, as he let out a long, exhausted sigh, and closed his eyes. His hand reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose for a moment, before he let out a quiet, weakened murmur.

“Hello, Brendol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!
> 
> Stay safe, stay full, and stay strong with that much family around you because godddd is that stressful.
> 
> SO UH this chapter was actually done two days ago, but because of nano I decided I wanted to keep writing instead of edit so it was just sitting there waiting. Also fun fact: this is the LONGEST CHAPTER OF BP SO FAR! 
> 
> The good news is that means the next chapter's already halfway done. The bad news is that means I might not post until December 1st or something, because I am *barely* making my nano quota right now but I'm determined to get it done and so I might just keep writing until the end. But more good news! That's only five days away! SO WOO!
> 
> I also have a new story for you for the tropesgiving exchange all done and ready, and THAT goes up December 2nd, I hope you like it (And all the amazing works that are going to be posted by the reylux fam that day!!)
> 
> Concerning this chapter: Really just feels and emotions and working things out, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it because the next chapter is STRAIGHT UP PLOT AND I AM NOT HAVING AS MUCH FUN WITH THAT LOLLL
> 
> To those of you who've stuck around this long: You're damn heroes, I want you to know that I appreciate you guys so much. It's been such a long, fruitless road, and whenever I see a name in the comments section that I've seen before I just feel so lucky that you guys still think what I'm doing is worth a little of your time. YOU are what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. You, my friends, and just having a place to share things like this with others. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!! Happy gobble and a good nap to you!


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Bean was no shined up fresh new Stormtrooper. He’d seen plenty of field experience to consider himself well acquainted with the variety of sentient creatures this galaxy had to offer. He did not need to see them all to have seen enough - therefore, being exposed to a new race was no issue for him. He’d seen gentle giants perform acts of heroism just as frequently as he’d watched the tiniest, furriest of creatures swarm and tear through living prey like tissue paper. The only lesson he’d learned that applied to every situation he’d come across was simple; never let your guard down. 

As they walked through the trees that stirred, chittering with life from all sides, he held fast to that lesson and walked backwards, aiming his blaster wildly at any sound he heard. The man that led him did not seem nearly as preoccupied with their safety, but Bean knew that was _his_ job, and he took it very seriously. He alone would be held responsible if the Admiral was attacked.

“‘Trooper.” Hux hissed, as Bean’s weapon swung wildly and nearly caught the cuff of the Admiral’s head. “Put your weapon away. We’re not in any danger.”

“But _sir_ ,” Bean interjected, paranoia rising his voice to a higher pitch. Hux paused in his step, but did not turn to face Bean. Instead, he reached over his shoulder, pushed Bean’s blaster down, and returned to stomping unhappily through the dense foliage. Bean kept his blaster where it had been lowered, and rushed to catch up to the Admiral. His place was not to question. His place was to protect.

He repeated the mantra, over and over, trying to remind himself of that in a way he’d never really had to do before. It had been months - no, more than that, a year perhaps? - since his last reconditioning. He’d been scheduled just after the coup, but now, things were different.

And he could feel it in every small, indignant push of will he was now burdened to bear. He’d questioned his superiors far too many times already. He had to buckle down and trust Hux’s well-informed decisions, now.

The trees shuddered and his fingers itched to throw respect to the wind almost immediately when he caught the hint of claws slipping back into the foliage, out of his sight.

He kept his blaster down, but he refused to let his guard down, no matter what his Admiral assured him.

It was a near treasonous thought.

The brush opened into a clearing, exposing one of the small villages they’d been tracking down. The huts were primitive, but there was something unsettling about their placement and sturdiness. He thought a hut made of straw would be lopsided and easy to bowl over with a hand. These looked perfectly symmetrical and thick.

They passed the doorway of one, and Bean could hear that same excited trill from within. Whatever had been in the trees lived here, he estimated. That made them marginally less threatening, but not nearly enough to soothe his anxiety. 

As they picked their way through the village, whatever lived within remained carefully hidden away in their huts, as though waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Hux continued down a long clearing between rows of these habitats, headed for a larger structure made of hardened clay instead. The entranceway was narrow and too low to walk through without crouching, but Hux slipped through anyway, leaving Bean bewildered as to whether he should enter himself or guard the doorway. Before he could ask, Hux’s voice called out from within for him.

“Stay there.”

The command was a relief to hear, and Bean straightened up with his blaster pointed forwards, ready to defeat anything that attempted to enter while his Admiral was inside.

Unbeknownst to him and his pride, he looked a little silly holding his weapon up to nothing.

He could still hear Hux’s voice within the structure, speaking quietly to someone else. He must have received the answer he was looking for, because he commanded Bean loudly from inside a moment later.

“This section is clear. Retrieve the Commander and Rey.”

Bean’s sharp _sir_ of agreement was barked out, and the ‘trooper began a thudding run in the opposite direction from where they’d come, easily retracing their steps back to the shuttle. Hux waited just long enough to hear the dull thud of bootfalls fade away, before turning back to the man in front of him.

“They seem well trained, better than the last time. They were crawling all over me, then.”

“They’re not _trained._ ” A second voice whined out breathlessly in an accent that was startlingly similar to Hux’s, save for the gentler inflections and constant breathy laugh. “They’re not pets, Xander, they’re just as sentient as you or me. You might as well say I’m well trained, too.”

Hux’s face lifted in a wry smile, and the wiry young man let out a long, dramatic groan.

“Now stop teasing me. To what do I owe this _supreme_ honor? I haven’t seen you in years.” There was an obvious inflection on the word supreme, but Hux refused to acknowledge the joke, considering all that had changed since he’d seen Brendol last.

“Has it really been that long?”

Brendol’s expression twitched, and the black aperture under his long lashes adjusted with an unnatural, mechanical sound. He was working the numbers out in his head. “Fourteen years, six months, twelve days, two hours, six minutes, and twenty-seven seconds ago.” He blinked, and his smile returned in full. “Honestly, I thought you were dead. Not that I’m surprised to see you alive, of course. You always were a scrapper.”

Hux searched the accommodations around him with a slow gaze as Brendol drawled on. He took in the crudely carved out walls, the giant, humming generators that powered whatever was running in the building, and the scarcity of decor other than the power console laid out in front of the giant, segmented monitors. Brendol cleared his throat, demanding the attention back to him, and Hux obliged with a stern, clipped reply. “What.”

“What are you doing back here? Don’t leave me in suspense.”

“I need your help.”

Brendol’s thin, cracked lips gave a shudder, then turned down into a frown. “But I thought we agreed that’s no longer an option.”

“No,” Hux muttered, surging forward to stand toe to toe with the man. This close, he could see the synthetic, mechanical eyes Brendol had long ago been implanted with, as his pupils swirled and narrowed to a pinpoint of focused glaring. He’d never been unnerved by the lack of life inside of those hollow pupils, as others had been. He saw them for what they were, just as his father had - a tactical advantage. “We agreed that you would remain retired, and officially off of the First Order’s radar, until such time as needed. That was the exact agreement you settled with father, and that same agreement applies now that I am in charge.”

A soft, hitched laugh escaped Brendol. “In _charge?_ Nobody’s in charge of that place anymore. Not Dad, certainly not you, and not the long line of disposable officers that will probably follow in your place the moment that horrible Force user decides you’re no longer of any use to him.”

Brendol’s shaky words brought a vicious smile to Hux’s face, and that was enough to startle him. He backed up a step, and his eyes narrowed before the pupils dilated in slow recognition of what that smugness meant.

“What did you _do_?”

There was no question, for Brendol. Whatever that smile meant, it was unquestionably Hux’s doing.

An alarm triggered, quiet but insistent on the console. Brendol was reluctant to pull away from the conversation, so he kept his eyes firmly on Hux while he reached down to turn the long range sensors on. There were two foreign red dots blinking on the screen as they advanced, and one green dot just ahead of them. He’d already registered the Stormtrooper Hux had arrived with as a friendly target, to avoid unnecessary alarm.

“Are those your friends?” Brendol asked, filled with open curiosity. 

Hux’s nose crinkled for a split second at the question. He was loathe to claim them as his _friends_ , but that made them no less his to claim.

“Yes.” He muttered unhappily, pulling out a cigarette to light it with shaky fingers. 

Brendol noticed.

“It’s not like you to work with others.” Brendol chuckled out through a too-wide grin, catching the freeze of Hux’s hand just before the cigarette touched his lips. He was enjoying this far, far too much. “Anything I should know before they get here?”

Hux breathed in a long, ragged drag, and let it linger too long in his lungs to feel the burn of it just barely tip over from pleasure to pain. 

“Yes.” He breathed out in a tortured cloud of smoke. “Everything has changed.”

* * *

The walk down to the safe zone was long, but Rey felt a constant tug of relief whenever she realized just how safe it really was here. She could feel a hundred little creatures, all of whom expressed nothing but childish curiosity as they watched her from the trees, and wondered if they would ever come out to say hello. When she searched deeper, she found a well of anger from a distant, far away location, but nothing about it struck fear into her. It was a feral kind of anger, like that of an animal - and it was far away enough to not be a pressing concern.

“You’re doing well.” Kylo murmured, his eyes half-lidded as he watched her stretch her senses and search. He could feel her traversing the ley lines of the Force, following each path until they landed on something that sparked with life and then cataloguing all those around it until she had a sensible idea of what she was looking at. It was a difficult challenge, but no one had ever told Rey what her limits were or what would be easy and difficult. She had no standards to uphold, or self-made boundaries that kept her from surpassing her potential. She was fresh, new and untested, which made her potential unlimited.

Kylo licked his lips, and turned to stare pointedly at the Stormtrooper’s back. 

“It feels very organic.” Rey breathed out, distracted by her continued searching. “Just following them all one after the other. Like blood flowing in a vein. Do they feel me too, when I do this?”

“Not unless they were searching for it. There isn’t a lot of Force sensitivity in planets like this; I doubt any of them realize it.”

Rey lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers, wading through with weak, vague movements. She was no longer just searching the Force, but moving the connections she found like bent strings, trying to see past them to others.

“And Hux?” She asked, when she found his conscious there and carefully slipped away. “Will he feel me if I touch him?”

Kylo had to consider the question for a moment, before nodding in answer. “From my experience, he is always aware of everything around him, including any wayward Force sensitives. It’s been an irritant from the moment I’ve met him. Not once have I been able to fully crack through his shell.”

Rey’s eyes blinked back into focus, and she grinned up at Kylo impishly. “You’re not supposed to crack Hux, Kylo.” She chided, her lips pursed to hide a smile. “You could just _ask_ him about himself if you’re really that curious.”

Kylo kept his eyes firmly on the Stormtrooper. “I am not curious.”

He waited for Rey’s answer, but instead he felt the soft weight of her power trying to nestle itself stealthily into his mind to decipher the truth from him, and shut her off with a gentle sweep of his palm.

“You’re more than curious enough for the three of us.”

She liked that. She was the curious one of the three of them. Hux was the sharp one, Kylo was the strong one, and she was - curious. She took that label to her heart with pride.

“You’re much more than just curious, Rey.” Kylo muttered under his breath, forcing a gasp out of her as he read her thoughts without permission. She fisted her hand and playfully punched his side, just under his ribs. He ignored the punch, despite the sting, and continued his thought in an effort to earn her forgiveness.

“You’re sharp, and strong, and honest, and good.” He pointed out, counting the compliments off on his gloved fingers. “You’d get along just fine without us. We’re the ones who seem to struggle most without you.”

Rey couldn’t decide how to respond to words so kind coming from a man so coarse, so she fell silent as she withdrew from the Force and turned inward, searching desperately for some kind of proper answer.

In the end, despite how struck she was with his vulnerability and sentiment, she couldn’t find a way to properly thank him because she didn’t quite believe his words were true. Instead, when she boiled her thoughts down to the clearest distillation, all she could think about was how wrong he was about one thing. 

“I do not _want_ to get along fine without you.” She practically scolded him with the words, and a sudden anger injecting them with strength. “I’ve been alone practically all of my life. I’m not keen to returning to it.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

Rey lifted a hand, keeping the man from backtracking further. “Then don’t talk to me about how great I could be on my own. I don’t need you or anyone telling me that. I survived just fine on my own. What I want right now, is to _live_.”

Her feet shuffled faster, carrying her past Kylo’s side until she was all but speed walking to overtake Bean. The Stormtrooper jolted at the sight of her, and then hurried to keep up, determined to keep her safe.

Kylo slowed down, and let the words sink in. He didn’t know what it meant to live. He’d been surviving a day at a time, confident that each decision was the right one. Each step was one step closer to his goals. He survived.

He found it difficult to imagine what the difference was between surviving, and living. It was a distinction that required a mind like Rey’s to discover, and understand.

He lurched forward again, long strides carrying him closer to the two before they could get very far ahead.

It had taken quite some time before they’d come across the village, and the huts that Bean was leading them towards. The two seemed only mildly curious at their surroundings, though Rey looked ready to crawl into a hut every time she heard a soft chitter echo out from it. Kylo’s hand rested firmly at the small of her back to keep her from breaking away, and dropped the moment Bean stopped in front of the clay building.

“Admiral Hux is inside. Watch your head.” His warning was specifically for Rey, as he put his hand between her and the clay when she began to duck inside. She stopped and grinned up at him, before disappearing fully within.

Kylo received no such warning, but that may have been because the look Bean was getting from the Commander had all the markings of threat within it. Smartly, Bean remained silent and guarded the door like a statue.

Kylo bent uncomfortably and made his way into the structure. He was completely out of sight before Bean finally felt safe enough to let out an audible sigh of relief.

Inside, Hux had found something resembling a chair, and was seated in front of another man, one whose features were familiar enough to catch their attention instantly. Rey kept walking towards them even as Kylo stopped, instantly cautious and wary of what he was looking at. His eyes narrowed, flinty as he glared, openly, at Brendol.

All he received in return was a warm, shy smile.

“I trust you have questions.” Hux murmured, taking Rey’s hand as she reached him. She nodded silently, shifting her focus between the two men. With every flicker of attention she tossed his way, the younger man seemed to brighten just a little more. She could feel a skittish and nervous energy constantly thrumming through him, building as the tension wore on. Suddenly his expression broke out into a grin so easy, so charismatic, that it made her wonder what Hux would look like if he'd ever allowed himself to smile that way, and her eyes widened with wonder at the mental image.

“You’ll recall that I’ve mentioned having a brother. Rey, this is Brendol Hux Jr.” 

Brendol reached out to take Rey’s hand, specifically the one Hux had been holding, and shook it amicably. “It is such a pleasure to make your acquaintance. To make anyone’s acquaintance, honestly.” He drawled out excitedly, in a voice so genuinely similar to Hux’s that it sent a chill trilling up her spine.

“Rey is our liaison between the First Order and the Resistance. We’re working on forming a ceasefire, perhaps even an alliance should everything fall into place accordingly.”

Brendol’s expression brought new features to light on his face, and suddenly Rey could see all the differences between him and his brother. Their eyes were completely different colors for one; dark, swirling shades of black hidden beneath pale lashes for Brendol, unlike the cold grey that glimmered like crystal in Hux’s eyes. Brendol looked tired, if the bags under his eyes were any indication. He was thinner, and his long hair flopped limp and wiry around his features, clearly unwashed and uncared for. On his gaunt, undernourished face, every feature was similar but still unique enough to be considered an entirely different person. His crooked nose, his imperfect jawline, the slight overbite; Rey suddenly noticed them all.

He was not nearly Hux. But the family resemblance was astounding. 

Their hair was that same startling shade of sunlight orange, and something about the intensity of his gaze felt unique to their bloodline. Still, he held himself with a nervousness that Hux would never have allowed himself, and Rey wondered if Hux’s stern character was a product of his position of command, or if he and his brother really did not share similarities in the way of temper.

“Behind me is Commander Kylo Ren, former protege to Supreme Leader Snoke, and now my - “

Hux had no title for Kylo. He almost choked when the word came unbidden, bubbling up from somewhere in his subconscious that had no right to exist. His lip curled as he said it, through clenched teeth and a heavy, overbearing sag.

“ - partner.”

Hux was uncomfortable with _all_ possible interpretations of that word.

Brendol said nothing, but his smile turned wicked, and deliciously smug.

Not so different from Hux after all, Rey realized.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Brendol.” Rey found the words to greet him back, finally. She grinned, embarrassed at how long it had taken given that she’d just been inclined to stare. “I never thought I’d get to meet someone from the Admiral’s family.”

“The Admiral.” Brendol breathed out, one eyebrow raising as he regarded Hux for a moment. Rey’s hand was released, but Brendol’s eyes dropped back down to give her a long, piercing look. “Were you terribly interested in meeting some of the Admiral’s family in the future? I wonder why that is.”

“That’s quite enough.” Hux warned, pulling Rey back a step away from his brother. “You’re to gather what you need and board my vessel before the suns set today. Is that clear?”

There was a dead, weighted silence between the two as Hux waited for a reply and Brendol tilted his head back and forth in consideration. Rey watched the two, her eyes flickering back and forth between them as she waited for someone to break. Eventually Brendol smiled as he lifted his shoulders in a shrug.

“No.”

“No?” Hux seethed out, taking a step forward. “That was an _order, Captain_. You don’t have the authority to refuse me. You don’t have the _right_.”

“Hux.” Rey whispered, aghast at the sudden tone he’d taken with his own brother. All she’d had to say was his name, and Hux could feel the pull of regret suddenly tugging him back, forcing him to reevaluate how he was handling the situation. She reached out and slid a hand around his elbow, and he allowed it. It grounded him just enough to take the last drag of a long since forgotten cigarette, and regard Brendol’s sudden cowering at his tone. He could have convinced the boy to jump off a bridge into lava, in that moment. He knew this, and he’d been poised to exploit it.

It felt unfamiliar, to second guess a move like this.

When Hux felt the urge to speak again, his lips parted and then closed the moment he felt another body against his other side, just behind him. Through his peripherals he could see what was undoubtedly Kylo, looming just as impressively in a Stormtrooper’s suit as he would have in his normal garb. If he’d bothered to turn and look at the man, he would find somewhat of a possessive sense of begrudgement expressed restlessly on that face, focused on the young man in front of him. Kylo was not so surprised at Hux’s short temper, or the bark of command in his voice. Despite that, Hux felt inclined to handle his brother with a little more finesse, before he gave in to the urge to knock the man over the side of the head with his blaster and have Kylo _drag_ him back to the ship.

“Brendol was once a member of the First Order, Rey.” Hux hummed out, his voice too-tight as he reached out to pat her curled hand. “He was a vital part of our infiltration division.” He bit his lip to keep the curl of disgust from his voice. 

“Why did you quit?” Rey asked. 

Her gentle inquisitiveness was beginning to win Brendol over, and it was obvious in his soft expression and the way he crept closer. “I don’t particularly like being on the wrong side of things, especially when I’m the one holding the gun.” He admitted, earning a stern glare from his brother. “Not to say I have any right to decide who’s right and wrong here, but from where I stood, nothing good came from fighting.”

“He was once a loyal, critical member of our fleet.” Hux interjected sourly.

“I was a spy.” Brendol chuckled out, his lips widening as if admitting it was a release. “A good one, mind.” He amended, his eyes now firmly on Rey. He looked like the kind of man itching to tell a story, and Rey looked like the only one interested in hearing it. He leaned in, pressing his elbows against his knees. “Five years directly under our father’s command. He pulled me out of the Academy before I’d even graduated. Necessity, he’d said. But, I knew it was just pride.” Brendol’s cheeks flushed unevenly. “He had.. very big plans for me. Threw me into service as soon as Xander had qualified for his first station. Waiting until I was grown just wasn’t an option. That man was six feet of pure pride and arrogance, and when he wasn’t proud, he was cruel.”

Hux’s hand clenched all the tighter around Rey’s fingers, and when she tore her eyes from Brendol to look up at him, she could see the careful layers of forced calm beginning to wear thin.

“I don’t understand.” Rey breathed out, pulling Hux’s hand closer until she could hold it between her own hand and her chest. “Hux is older, isn’t he? Why were you the one your father imposed his pride upon, when he had him?”

Brendol’s lifeless eyes met Hux’s, but the strange pity in his smile was unwanted, and Hux huffed an annoyed breath through his nose before looking away.

“That’s - a little complicated.” Rey did not look like she wanted to back down on her question, but Brendol had already begun to regret mentioning it. He rubbed the back of his neck, and gave her a withdrawn shrug. “Regardless, that’s just how it was with us. I wasn’t terribly strong, or fierce, but our father had a lot of high hopes for me regardless. My success was his success.”

He paused, and his expression twitched with distress. "Then, I lost my eyes, during a.. particularly ruthless interrogation. Everything went a little bit sideways in our family after that.”

Rey snapped her head back to lean in, staring far more carefully at Brendol’s eyes. Instead of the pure blackness she thought she’d seen, she realized there was a lot more there, subtle but definitely mechanical. He contracted the pupils to give her a show, and her eyes widened innocently with interest.

“They were an expensive commission, to be sure. Father was nearly fired for it! But they helped keep me in service. For a while, anyway. Using them tends to muddle with my brain a bit.” He chuckled through a weak cringe. “Or a lot. Can’t really remember, anymore.”

Something about the way he kept summing up pieces of the story had Rey wondering if he’d shared more than he’d meant to. She cringed, reaching up to pat his shoulder sympathetically.   
“Well, then I’m glad you got out while you still could.”

“Aw, but look at her.” Brendol chuckled out, earnestly endeared by her expression. “You seem too sweet to be tied up with this one, Rey. How did he ever manage to find an angel like you?”

Hux leaned in slowly, setting his elbows onto his knees in the same position his brother had taken. This placed him inches away from his brother’s face, seething with an unchecked fury. This was the limit to Hux’s patience. 

“There you are.” Brendol whispered out, greeting an old friend.

“Brendol, Hux says he needs your help. If that’s true, then we all need your help.” Rey had tried to play the sympathetic mediator role once more, but their years of competition, struggle, and failure were all waiting to be unleashed again, now that Hux faced his brother after all these years. Her sympathy would do nothing to change his mind.

So instead, she tried a tougher approach.

“The Admiral brought Snoke down from power, _and_ he’s all but eliminated the reconditioning program. The men who follow him now are doing so because they believe in this cause, not because their brains have been turned to mush.”

Hux’s brow furrowed. He didn’t recall telling her that much detail about the previous reconditioning programs effects on Stormtroopers, but he refrained from stopping her now that she was on a roll.

“They deserve a chance to be safe too. If we don’t stop this war, everything’s just going to repeat itself. I don’t know how much you are aware of, here in your safe little corner of the galaxy - but the First Order destroyed an entire system. Unfathomable numbers of lives were lost, because of Snoke.”

Hux met Kylo’s eyes for a moment, but refused to interrupt her there, either.

“And the Resistance retaliated just as fiercely. They blew up that superweapon without regard to who was on it - and that cost us uncountable losses, as well. Those were people who died on that thing too. Families. Children. Neither side is innocent in this war and I just want it all to stop!”

Now, catching the faint shudder of her body, Hux finally reached out with one arm and wrapped it around her waist to support her. She shivered at the touch, but eventually leaned in to it just enough to stop shaking.

“I don’t want to be working for the First Order, but this is where I can do the most good. This is where I belong because it’s the right thing to do. If Hux says you can help stop this war, and you say no to him without even trying, then you’re a coward.” 

The word came out so sharp, so violent, it felt like a slap to the face. Brendol recoiled from its power, and then let her rage sink into his bones. She was determined, but naive. To hear it made him think of the power of reconditioning, and he wondered if Hux had put her under just to have a voice this fervent deliver this speech.

But he could see her free will, shining vibrantly in her eyes. These were the words of innocence, but they were strong. And they were hers.

“You say that like it’s a simple thing, but it’s _not._ ” Brendol’s voice pitched high as he pleaded with her. “I want to help, I really do - but you don’t know what you’re asking of me.” His fingers grasped at the edges of one side of his hair, tugging on it like a nervous tick. His face twisted and cringed as he fought with himself over the idea, trying to find the courage necessary to overcome whatever waking nightmares were keeping him from saying yes. 

“You said you’re trying to make an alliance. Is that really true? Why would you need me if you’re not trying to hurt someone?”

“ _Hurt_ someone?” Rey cried out, her voice overlaid with the sound of Hux’s warning hiss.

“The only obstacle left in our way is Snoke.” Hux barked out, his voice sharper than ever. “He’s our target, and he’s already begun his play on regaining his control over the First Order. If I thought I could destroy him without your help, I wouldn’t be here. You know that.”

Rey opened her mouth to interject. It felt urgent to find out exactly what Brendol meant by hurting someone - but when she was reminded of who, exactly, they were after, she shut her mouth into a pressed line. She would demand to know what Brendol was being tasked with, once he’d agreed to come back to the First Order with his brother. But until then, she was temporarily sated with the thought that the only person Hux wanted to hurt now, was Snoke.

If anyone deserved it, it was Snoke. She simply didn’t like not knowing what _it_ was.

“And what happens after?” Brendol sighed out. Rey could see his shoulders sagging in defeat. “Am I sent back here? Am I free?”

“Of course you’re free.” Rey piped up, answering a question she knew she wasn’t being asked. She gave Hux a warning glare, but he did not look unsettled.

“You were always free, Brendol.” Hux reminded him, waving a hand brusquely around them. “You chose this place. If this is where you want to be, then so be it. Help us crush Snoke, and then be on your way.”

Brendol let out a long, shaky breath. His eyes closed, and the room fell quiet as they allowed him time to consider. When his eyes opened again, they fell on Rey, and he was smiling. “You should let her talk more often, Xander. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. People will listen to her.”

Rey puffed up slightly, her expression twisting with disgust. “Nobody _lets_ me talk. I talk whenever I want to talk. And right now, I’m talking to you, so stop wasting our time and take this matter seriously.”

As Hux slid back to recline on his chair, Kylo bent to one side and coughed, clearing his throat to hide the sudden urge to laugh that was threatening to bubble up inside of him. Hux had no such desire to hide his reaction, however; he leaned back and folded his arms in front of him, nodding gently in agreement to Rey’s quiet outburst. Brendol deserved her snark, after all - his tone had been a little too condescending.

Rey had rendered Hux’s ire unnecessary. He couldn’t help but be pleased at this turn of events.

“I take it your little job for me isn’t going to require physical infiltration. I think my face is a little too familiar for that to work anymore.”

Rey sucked in a breath and bit the bottom of her lip, hiding the flush of delight that ran through her veins. He was considering it.

“Data-mining, interrogation and long-range technical infiltration only. If I wanted a spy, I have plenty. I’m here to put your eyes to good use.”

“I suppose it’s only fair. All his hard work turning me into more machine than man ended up hurting a lot of people. Maybe it’s about time I balance that out with some good.”

Rey was the only one to react, but her brilliant smile was enough of a response for all three, and Brendol took a good look at the trio in front of him. They made such a mismatched set, the scowling brute and the grinning girl flanking his brother. He couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

“Do I at least get to pilot?”

Even Rey’s smile had to fade, because she knew just how much of a sore spot that kind of a request was. Surprisingly, Brendol saw his brother’s lips turn up instead.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Get your things together. We leave before sundown.”

Brendol launched himself suddenly from his seat and Rey watched in awe, a little surprised at just how thin the man really was.

“Say, Rey! Have you ever met a Lahsbee?”

“No.” Hux warned, but it was too late. Based on the expression that pinched Rey’s face, the damage had been done.

“What’s a Lahsbee?”

“No.” Hux repeated. He was summarily ignored.

“You must have passed by hundreds of them coming here. They don’t like strangers, so they keep to themselves. Would you like to meet one? They’re harmless.”

Hux turned to Kylo, breathing out an exasperated sigh. “Am I invisible? Do you hear me saying no? I hear me saying no.”

Unfortunately for Hux, Kylo knew exactly what Lahsbee were; and he knew that there was no practical reason why Rey couldn’t meet them. This meant that Hux was outnumbered, three to one.

He set his hand on Hux’s shoulder, and patted it hard twice. This was a fight the Admiral would not win, but he was clever about picking his battles. He wouldn’t push the issue, but neither would he be happy about it.

Still, Kylo leaned in to whisper carefully into Hux’s ear after Brendol began to lead Rey back outside. “I’ll still knock him out for you if that’s easier.” He promised, slipping away to exit the building without another word. Hux was left alone, warring between stubborn annoyance and satisfaction at the image of him dragging Brendol through the brush and swamp by the leg.

He liked that image very much.

By the time he’d crouched down to get outside, Rey had already been introduced to a gaggle of the small, furry little creatures. She was overwhelmed by their constant foreign chatter and their small, reaching hands.

The Lahsbee were a vaguely feline race, though their sentience was unquestionable. They were dressed in plain, rough clothing, and the tallest one barely reached Kylo Ren’s knee in height. Most of them cleverly stayed away from the dark Knight of Ren, sensing that he was not interested in getting to know them.

The smallest, so young she toddled precariously with each step, was the only one who seemed determined to sit at Kylo’s feet and vy for his impossible attention.

Rey sunk down to her knees and the Lahsbee closed in on her, reaching out to touch her hair and her skin and pluck at her clothes. They were attempting to communicate fervently with her, but she had no idea what any of them were saying. She simply nodded and smiled, laughing when one of them accidentally tickled her. Every so often, one of them would dare to come close enough to hug her, and she happily obliged.

Within minutes, she was all but covered in the small creatures, barely visible under the crowd of them that had piled up to get a glimpse.

“This was an awful idea.” Hux scoffed out, keeping his eye on what little of Rey he could still see and trying to ignore the sight of a tiny Lahsbee attempting to crawl up Kylo Ren’s unmoving leg. “They’ll become over-exerted. You’ll force a transition on them prematurely.”

Rey peeked her head up from where two Lahsbee were combing out and braiding her hair. “What happens when they transition?” She asked.

“These little devils turn into big, scary monsters. Don’t you, dear?” Brendol crooned at a Lahsbee in his arms, eliciting a string of laughs from the creature. “You see, these are all children. When they grow up, they really _grow up_. Their adult forms are unstable, violent brutes. They need to be kept separate from the younglings. So I’ve been watching over some of them until they transition. I call these my flock.”

“The Lahsbee do not _need_ you watching over them. They’ve been genetically independent from their adult counterparts for thousands of years. You just _like_ them.” Hux was quick to stifle the sympathy Brendol was earning for his little project, before he tried to convince Rey that he was needed there instead.

“They’re just children?” Rey murmured, looking at the pile of creatures laying on top of her with new eyes. Brendol smiled up at his brother, and Hux sincerely considered taking Kylo up on his offer.

“The oldest is Kcheept, she’s due to enter adulthood any day now.” He pointed at one of the larger Lahsbee, who hadn’t bothered running to greet Rey. She stayed very safely, very _carefully_ at the edge of her hut.

“But as much as I don’t like to admit it, Hux is right. They know how to take care of themselves. They wouldn’t be so abundant if they didn’t.” Brendol pulled the Lahsbee down from his arms, and let it scamper away to jump on top of the giant pile. “They’re used to me, though. I wager at least a couple of the older ones are going to transition early from stress when I leave. Kcheept, certainly, at the very least.”

Rey looked like she was hearing the worst news of all. “That’s dreadful,” She said, clutching one of the creatures a little closer. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”

“There’s nothing to be done.” Brendol reached out, holding out both of his hands for her to take. When she did, he pulled her out of the growing pile, tumbling Lahsbee into one another as they scurried to fill the space she’d left behind. “This is what they are. How it’s always been. We’re all victims of our nature, in the end.”

Kylo had finally decided to react to the Lahsbee against him, by leaning down and plucking the tiny thing off of his leg. He held it up at arm’s length by its belt, and Brendol laughed at the comical sight.

“Some of us moreso than others.”

Rey took notice of what he was laughing at, and moved to stand in front of Kylo, pushing his arm at its crook until it bent enough for tiny paws to reach for his shoulder. Once it latched on there was no helping it; the Lahsbee curled itself around Kylo’s neck and shoulder, nestling there until it was comfortable.

Kylo rolled his eyes and turned them down to Rey, throwing her an exasperated look.

“Was that really necessary?” He asked, his voice vibrating with a grumble that seemed to please the little creature against his neck.

“She likes you.” Rey replied, reaching out to pet its head with gentle strokes. “It’s not the worst thing in the world.”

Kylo watched Rey, instead of the creature she was fondly petting with affection. He felt it warming against the crook of his neck, and he was reminded suddenly of that secret, fulfilling peace he found on the rare nights when Rey accidentally fell asleep in his arms. He could tolerate the presence of the Lahsbee, if it meant he could submerge himself within even just the echo of that memory for a little while longer.

She was right. It was not the worst thing, after all.

* * *

It took too long to get Brendol to focus on gathering his belongings, and even longer trying to tear him away from the Lahsbee. They seemed to each want to say goodbye individually, but that would have taken days, at the very least, and the suns had already dipped far past the horizon by the time he’d finally started boarding the ship. To his credit, Hux had found patience the likes of which Rey had never seen before, though she’d attempted to help as much as possible with distraction. She’d even showed him the work she’d completed on Kylo’s arm, proud of the mismatched wiring and crude patchwork mechanics. It wasn’t pretty, and he’d still need to get it replaced when they returned, but it was responding again and the sparks had stopped. With what little she’d had to work with, she was quite proud.

He’d made sure to let her know that he felt the same.

The ramp began to close even as Brendol stood on it, forcing him to walk faster until he was all but standing in a much too crowded cockpit. Rey and Hux were already in their seats, and Kylo took his place standing right behind Rey. Brendol hadn’t even been given a chance to take control of the ship, be it for a joke, or not.

“This is an Admiral’s ship?” He scoffed out instead, eyeing the closed quarters critically. “You think a fleet as big as the First Order could have afforded to give you something a little better.”

Hux sucked in a long inhale through his nose, and let it out through his mouth. He sought to find some semblance of peace, despite his brother’s attempts to rile him up again.

“I think it’s a wonderful ship.” Rey piped up, peeking out from the side of her chair. “It’s saved my life three times now. There’s no better ship in the galaxy.”

Brendol frowned down at her, finally feeling the first tingles of frustration over the girl for consistently finding just the right thing to say to keep his brother from tipping over the edge and losing his temper. This had been his favorite pastime, after all. She was beginning to spoil his hopes of ever making it happen.

When he turned to look at the man beside him, he found Kylo glaring at him with murderous contempt. He had already assumed Kylo was loyal to his brother, but that felt a little unnecessary.

And unsettling. More than a little unsettling.

“I did mention Kylo Ren’s strength in the Force earlier, didn’t I?” Hux had been watching his brother’s paling reaction to the look Kylo was giving him, and found himself in much better spirits when he casually spoke over his shoulder. “You remember that includes reading minds, don’t you? Of course you do.”

Brendol had known that, in fact. At this moment in particular, however, he’d forgotten the distant correlation between his knowledge of the Force, and Snoke’s old apprentice. This explained Kylo’s expression perfectly, as well as the unsettling feeling that his life was currently in danger.

He tore his attention away, but he was painfully aware that Kylo continued to glare at him regardless for the entire rest of the trip home.

Brendol had to give credit to Hux’s new companions for one thing, at the very least. They were both unsettlingly _persistent._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So check this out. Because this chapter was like, A THING, and it has such a backstory all on its own. 
> 
> So the first draft of this chapter was written DURING NANO. It was part of my nanowrimo win but as soon as November was over I really hated what I'd written. It felt so wrong. So I scrapped it and re-wrote the entire chapter all over again. It was completely different. BRENDOL was completely different. And after a few days I realized I DIDN'T LIKE THAT ONE EITHER. So I had to leave for a trip to Disney, and then I got sick, and then late December rolled around and I was sitting on drafts of a chapter I didn't feel I'd written yet - so sure enough when I got over my sickness, I re-wrote the entire chapter. A third time.
> 
> So that was fun.
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait, everybody! Brendol's important and I really had to make sure I got him just right. I hope you enjoy it, and hey, I updated for Christmas. It's my gift to you! 
> 
> Thank you so much to [brittlelimbs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittlelimbs/pseuds/brittlelimbs) and [satan-in-purple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_satan/pseuds/Satan%20In%20Purple) for betaing this for me, (as in, all three versions) they are a VERY BIG DEAL TO ME and I owe them EVERYTHING!
> 
> Before I head off for that one last sleep 'til Christmas let me share this ABSOLUTELY STUNNING PIECE OF ARTWORK I managed to commission from nemling, I feel really blessed! Here is the [Kylo punches an X-Wing scene](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/154489731958/kylo-had-witnessed-experienced-and-sometimes) from Chapter 35. It seemed like a fan favorite (it was my favorite, too.)
> 
> Guys, I hope you are having a REALLY good holiday, and if you're not, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you, and I'm wishing the best for you - even if the best means time passing quicker so you can get back to where you're comfortable!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading this, I adore you. <3

There were several moments on the trip back to the Finalizer where Rey let her curiosity override her common sense, and another question would bubble out of her before she could stop herself. Brendol seemed too eager to latch on to these moments, desperate to share as many embarrassing anecdotes about Hux as he could in the hopes that he would finally get under Hux’s skin. Rey knew exactly what he was doing. She would withdraw each time, returning the cockpit to awkward silence until another aching curiosity had her asking another question.

At one point she heard a quiet moan of frustration escape Hux, just after asking his brother if he’d had any friends when he was a child. This might have been the last straw, and she instantly regretted it when she saw the look on his face.

“You know.” Hux sighed out, keeping his eyes on the dead space ahead. “I’ve been quite forthcoming when you’ve asked me questions about my own life. If you’re this interested, you could consider tabling these inquiries until you can ask _me_ them. _Alone._ ”

Rey slunk into her seat, successfully admonished. When silence fell over the group once more, she could tell that Hux was finally starting to settle in and relax.

“Well? _Did_ he?” Kylo hadn’t spoken once during the trip, but his husky voice destroyed any chance of peace for Hux with an unexpected prod towards his brother.

Hux groaned up into the air, and Rey slapped her hands against her mouth, to stifle an unbecoming snort.

* * *

The return to the Finalizer felt rushed as Hux bustled his brother away from the two of them, tugging him off by the arm without a word. This left Rey and Kylo alone to return to their rooms together, falling into an awkward silence along the way. When Kylo stopped in front of Rey’s door with her, he pulled the helmet off of his head and fidgeted with it between his hands.

“Training.” Kylo said, as he stared down at his helmet. “Tomorrow. We’ll start then.”

Rey thought that he was trying to make it sound like a command, but there was an insecurity in his voice that wasn’t typical of him, which made it sound more like a request.

“All right.” She said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nodded stiffly. She waited for him to turn and storm off to his own quarters, but he was hesitating, and it made her nervous to watch. After a few tense moments, he nodded again, and finally turned to leave.

The sight of his back tugged at her, as if he’d snagged on something and tried to take it with him.

“Kylo?” She didn’t know why she was calling out his name, but when he turned around, she let that tug lead her forward to stand in front of him. There was nothing left to say to him until tomorrow, but her mind kept returning to the memory of waking up to him in the morning, and it made her jittery with emotion.

A simple answer came to her in time, and she reached out to hug him around the middle right before his impatience could question her. She squeezed the hard, lumpy middle of his Stormtrooper suit, nestled her cheek against the jagged angles of his chestpiece, and then pulled away before he could do anything about it.

“Okay.” She said. It came out in a breath of relief, and she turned to head back to her room right after.

Kylo stood frozen in the hallway for the better part of a minute, even after she’d disappeared, as he tried to identify just what had happened - and more importantly, why.

He failed to come up with a reasonable answer, and stormed into his quarters to tear off his Stormtrooper suit piece by piece, leaving it shredded in his haste and confusion.

* * *

That evening, Rey was determined to find out where Brendol had been assigned. She’d guessed correctly when she assumed it would be in the Engineering bay, but that was as far as she got. From then on, it was just her aimlessly wandering the halls, searching for some miraculous clue as to where he could be hiding. The clues did come; in the form of panel lights, flickering whenever she looked directly at them. It took several tests before she accepted that they were most certainly reacting to her glance. Once, she turned in a full circle, just to confirm it, and sure enough they followed her movements, blinking in and out like firebugs. When she inevitably followed their lead, they took her down path after path, through yawning hallways and sharp corners, until they stopped in front of one unassuming door. That door hissed open without her touching it, and there she found exactly who she was looking for.

Brendol was staring at a blank screen. It spanned the length of the entire wall, and Rey could tell by the powerful hum that it was on - but the screen itself was nothing but a black, featureless void. He was staring straight at it, as he sat on the console chair with his legs folded into himself, and his arms wrapped tight around them.

“Hello there, Rey!” He greeted her jovially, despite never actually turning to see who it was behind him. She should have felt more surprise to hear her name, but Brendol had surprised her enough to last a lifetime. So she sat down in a smaller chair beside him, and watched his curled up, unimposing form stare unblinking at the black screen. The synthetic pupils of his red rimmed eyes contracted and expanded rapidly, and she knew that meant he was doing something. But what?

“..What are you looking at?” Rey finally asked him, turning her head to scan the screen as well. 

Brendol laughed at the question. “My job, unfortunately. A lot of boring security sweeps. There’s a subtlety to it that’s really lost on a computer system. That’s why I’m here, I guess. Xander doesn’t want to leave his chances to just machines. He trusts me more than them.”

When it was clear she still didn’t understand, he nudged his chin at the top left corner of the screen. Her eyes followed, and the solid black shifted. It was hardly noticeable at first; but then something other than black began to show up, as Brendol continued to zoom, and zoom, and zoom.

“The screen I _was_ looking at had transmission feeds from every room, in every First Order ship, all over the galaxy.” As soon as he’d said it, she swiveled her head to openly gawk at him in disbelief. “But what you’re seeing now, is every transmission feed on this ship.” 

It still looked mostly like a black mass, but she could almost make out the sight of tiny, barely visible dots of color. She still couldn’t see a single detail.

“What are you saying?” Rey whispered in disbelief. “That you can see all of that? Or any of it?”

“All of it.” He repeated with a nod. “And interpret it. There are several rogue ships in the Beta sector of the Unknown, uncharted regions of the galaxy. I’ve still got them on monitor, as well. And the ones that joined our fleet after that last battle.”

Rey fell silent for quite some time, before finally cracking out one word. _”How?!”_

His eyebrows lifted with surprise. “How? How can I monitor this many feeds at once? Or how can I see them when they’re so small? Or how can I interpret any of the data I’m currently receiving and make any kind of decision based on it at all? You’ll have to be more specific.”

Rey took a moment, before throwing her hands up in the air and shrugging in exasperation. “All of it! All of those things you’ve said and more, Brendol! How can you possibly fit all of this in your head and not go mad?”

The screen went black again - not black, she corrected herself silently, but simply zoomed out too far for her to see anything. They were still all there, every tiny little feed in a sea of who knew how many, and Brendol was able to watch them all at once.

He smiled.

“I’ll spare you the details, but the gist of it is that this,” He tapped his temple with one finger. “Well, it’s more machine than man in here. And I’m connected to the system locally, which means I have the core power and system memory of the Finalizer itself. The information I process gets fed directly into the mainframe, and then returns to my processor as readable data. So I wouldn’t say I technically _see_ everything in these feeds. My eyes are only involved after I’ve processed the information and search for something specific that looks suspicious.”

This was the _simple_ explanation? Rey gave him a calculated look. “If you’re using the Finalizer’s systems to analyze all of this data, why send it back into your head at all? Why not let the database handle the load?”

“That’s an excellent question!” Brendol chuckled out. He sounded proud of her, which in turn made her feel like she’d done something worth feeling proud of. She couldn’t tell exactly what that was, but it left her feeling warm and content.

But he still hadn’t actually answered.

“I appreciate how curious you are, Rey. I’ll explain to you why this process works, if you tell me something in return. Where did you find that stunning specimen of a Calaver plant? The one in the hydroponic tube?” He nudged his chin in the direction of the screen, but she - of course - could see nothing. Still, she knew what plant he referred to. She only owned one plant, after all.

“I found it on a walk when they were keeping me on a base near Snoke. I’ve no idea what the name of the planet was, but it was a medical base. And Snoke was nearby, at least for a little while. Why?”

“Oh, it’s quite rare.” Brendol said this with such excitement, that it infused Rey with that same pride she’d felt from his words before. It felt so easy to please Brendol. To make him excited. And she loved that. “And quite lethal,” He continued. “But I’d guess you already figured that part out, since it’s here and you’re alive! There’s much about that plant I would love to tell you. You’d be surprised what it can do!”

Rey leaned in, thrilled to hear more about the topic - and effectively forgetting her original question. Unsurprisingly, Brendol was quick to change the subject back to it as soon as he had her on the hook.

“Your personal care for it is leaps and bounds more effective than a programmed droid might be. Much like that, this information is best handled by the most effective computer still known to the galaxy - the human mind. I’ll give you an example.” He lifted his hand, pointing to the left edge of the screen. “Look there. Sensors indicate high stress levels in Sector 7 of this very ship. Stormtroopers body temperature, movements, voice control, they’re all being measured carefully at all times - and this particular room coming up on the screen has triggered a warning. If left to the system, those Stormtroopers would be brought in for interrogation. It would be a waste of our resources, and terrorize the overall morale of the ship to boot. This is - to my great surprise - something my brother is now desperate to avoid.”

His lips lifted in a smile reminiscent of his brother, a devious little thing that played on the edges. “I wonder why that is?”

The screen had zoomed in just enough to show an infrared heat sensory grid overlaying the feed, with the clear outlines of a groups of Stormtroopers giving off far more heat than looked normal. They were hunched over something, which looked highly suspicious, and Rey’s hackles began to rise just at the thought of it. Brendol blinked, and the camera turned to a normal view, revealing the hunched over men to be playing a rather overzealous game of Dejarik on a shoddy handheld portable player. She wondered at where they might have found it, until she started to really think about what Brendol was saying. These men would have been reprimanded for being - well - human, for the first time in their lives. They were allowed to feel, to get angry or happy or sad, and no computer was going to be able to tell the difference between an anxious Dejarik player and a nervous spy.

He tapped his temple again. This time, when he sounded proud, Rey knew it was pride in his own abilities. “But I can tell the difference. The system sends me over seven hundred warnings per second, which isn’t really a lot when you think about it. I interpret them, and return the findings as I see fit. Like I said when you first walked in; Xander trusts me a little more than a computer with the lives of his crew. Ah, and here’s the other side of that coin now.”

The screen she’d been watching disappeared, and another began to slowly emerge from the massive web of information. In this one, the infrared looked just as suspicious, but she waited for Brendol to show her what they were really doing.

When he did, her gasp of surprise made Brendol chuckle.

“Saboteurs in the Retribution. From what it looks like, they’re attempting to de-encrypt our security feeds. Shut me out, not that they know it’s a person they’re working against. Don’t worry, they won’t get very far.”

Without actually moving, it was clear Brendol had done something. Both Stormtroopers shook as though they’d been hit by a bolt of electricity, and dropped to the ground.

“Xander will want to talk to those men, once we get them back to the ship.” Brendol told her, as she watched droids drag their bodies off to an escape hatch, and sent them spiralling back to the Finalizer.

“Have you caught many like them?” Rey asked, her voice wavering. Those men looked like they were dead. Brendol spoke as if they weren’t, but..

“Quite a few. Especially in the ships nearest those that we know Snoke has under his control. He’s just.. It’s so strange! He’s just trying to be a nuisance! Snoke would never have a reason to just poke and prod at us like this.. it gets nothing done. It’s as if he just wants to remind us, over and over, that he still exists. What good does that do anyone? Who really needs that kind of a reminder?”

Rey had gone pale beside him, and he only turned to look at her when he heard her take a half step back. His eyes focused on her for a moment, and his brow furrowed at the sickly look on her face.

“Rey? Are you all right?”

She nodded, even though she didn’t look all right at all. She simply answered, with a voice that had a razor sharp edge he never would have expected from her.

“He doesn’t want me to forget he’s still out there. As if I ever could.” But the more she thought of it, the more she wanted to take away even that small victory from Snoke. If that was what he was after, in this waiting game - terrorizing her little by little, with pinpricks, then she was going to learn how to at least _act_ like they didn’t matter at all.

Her eyes narrowed, before her face smoothed out. Brendol was still staring at her, gape jawed and worried. She gave him a half-hearted smile.

“Can you show me a friend of mine?” She asked, pointing at the screen. Brendol nodded, but waited in silence for her to give him the Stormtroopers ID number before turning back to the screen to search for him. Within seconds, Bean’s bunk zoomed forward on the giant screen, and the image switched from normal, to infrared instantly. 

“Huh.” Brendol huffed out, perplexed by what he saw. Bean’s outline was barely visible as he sat hunched in a ball on his bunk. He was still there, still alive, still breathing - but his heart was slow, almost as if he was asleep. And he was cold, as if he hadn’t moved for a very long time. “That’s strange. Either that man is drugged, or - “

“He’s sad.”

Rey cut Brendol off, and he heard the heartbreak in her voice. His own eyes widened. The Stormtrooper was sad. Just.. sad.

Things really _had_ changed around here.

He cleared his throat, and turned infrared off so that she could see him in normal light. Sure enough, the man was staring distantly at the wall in front of him, curled up and lost in his thoughts. Sad, Brendol thought again. What could he have to be sad about?

“Brendol,” Rey whispered after a few moments of simply watching her friend and sharing in his sorrow. “You said all this information goes in and out of the synthetic parts of your brain. Would it be terribly rude of me to ask where all of the parts that make you, _you_ , go?” She turned to give him a sheepish smile. “After all, you’re terribly interesting. Do you still have all of your memories?”

Brendol turned his eyes back to the once-more black screen. “Yes and no. After the interrogation incident, I didn’t just lose my eyes. There wasn’t much of me left, but my father managed to salvage everything he could and transfer it to a database. This database.” He held up a tiny, colorful little chip that was attached to a chain around his neck. “This is my life, or as much of it as we could piece together. I keep it here, so it doesn’t get in the way when I’m working - or if I’m hacked, I won’t lose it.”

He let the chip fall, and his fingers brushed against the sharp features of his face. There’s a scar there, across the length of his eyes. It was barely noticeable until he touched it. “Xander tried. Bless him, he tried so hard to keep them off of me, but.” He stilled, falling silent to his thoughts for a moment. Rey thought it best to leave him to it, and even considered leaving right before he startled her with a sudden bout of energy. He gasped with excitement.

“Would you like to see some?” He asked, holding up the chip again. “Of me and Xander? As children?”

He could already tell by the rounded look of interest in her eyes that the answer was a hard yes. She nodded, and he giggled as he slipped the chip into the data reader in front of him, and wiped the screen clean with a wave of his hand.

It took a moment for the computer to read that much data, but when he blinked, he called up a specific memory, and it began to play like a holomovie file right there on the screen. It was seen from the eyes of someone (something?) around a child’s height, zipping around to follow the boys as they ran across a field.

Hux looked long legged and gangly, tearing down the wet brown meadows faster than his chubby legged little brother could ever hope to catch up to. 

He tried, though. His face is red with exertion as he toddled after his big brother, determined to keep running no matter how many times his legs gave out and dumped him into the grass, leaving his knees skinned and brown with dirt and dead grass. The recorder was most interested in Brendol’s whereabouts, though it did keep turning to check on Hux every so often and make sure it hadn’t lost him.

When Rey saw Hux as a child, her heart felt like it was clawing up out of her throat. Without meaning to, she kept inching closer and closer to the screen, her eyes following his movements anytime the image swiveled to find him again. There was no laughter, no carefree smile on his face as he ran, and Rey wondered if he was simply born that way. Then, she realized he was running towards a destination, and her heart simply stopped.

A gentle looking woman stood at the very top of a hill, her meager clothes snapping in what looked like a cold wind. She bent down to crouch, as Hux came closer. He slowed, and stopped just before making it to her. He never touched her, and neither did she reach out for him. They just met each others eyes - the same eyes, Rey noticed - and stared at each other the way Hux sometimes looked at Rey when he was still trying to figure her out.

Or maybe he thought he already had her figured out, and this look, this expression she’d thought was inquisitive intellect, was actually something else.

Little Brendol caught up to his brother, slamming his red face against the knee of the woman and wrapping his arms around her leg. She cracked a tiny, forced smile, and patted Brendol’s head.

“That’s his mother.” Brendol’s adult voice pulled Rey out of the reverie she’d been lost in while watching the recording. She’d almost forgotten it wasn’t real; she swore she’d felt the wet heat of the weather against her skin as she stood on that hill with them, watching the moment in reverent silence.

But she wasn’t. She was here, with Brendol, trapped in the cold, synthetic tasting air circulating through the Finalizer. 

She turned to look back at him, as he smiled fondly at the woman on the screen.

“Not my mother, of course. But his. She was so much kinder than my mother, though. She always had a sweetie in her pockets, but I think she meant to try and give them to Xander every time she saw us and I always managed to squirrel it out of her first. He was never one for sweets, anyway. Or affection. Has he changed much, in that respect?”

The question was heavy with implication, and Rey turned away before Brendol could see the growing blush on her face.

“If that’s you there, then this isn’t your memory. Who’s taking the recording?” Rey asked, quickly changing the subject.

He let it happen, even though the amusement in his voice told her he was already making up his own answer in his head.

“It’s a nanny droid. I got one starting when I was two, and I fell into a well. Father said he thought Xander had pushed me in, and didn’t trust me alone with him anymore. So, I got a nanny droid. And it came in more handy than he realized, since it has every recorded memory of my life from then until I was twelve.” He leaned in, grinning mischievously, and whispered. “I broke it in a fit of pre-pubescent rage. I hated that damn thing, always watching me. After all, _I_ trusted Xander. And I was right to. He sacrificed everything to try and save me. Put himself between me and the vibroblade, it nearly killed him. Father was a proud, pompous idiot for not realizing how good Xander really was. My brother had to work three times as hard just to try and satisfy that gorilla of a man.”

Rey was still staring at Hux’s mother. She was so beautiful, but there was a sadness in her face that did not translate to her son. It was as if he was refusing her emotion, even at such a young age.

Hux’s mother.

“Where was your mother?” Rey asked.

The screen went blank, and a different memory flickered into view. It looked like some sort of extravagant get together, with women wearing more jewelry than Rey had ever seen in her life. Just one of those jewels would have fed her on Jakku for an entire lifetime.

And there, at the center, was the most extravagant woman of all.

“Madame Hux. My mother.” Brendol sighed out with regret. “Ostentatious doesn’t even cut it.”

Rey could hardly look at the woman. She looked more statue than human, staring down at her guests as they chattered around, but not with her. She felt untouchable, like something to be admired from afar. And she was gorgeous, certainly, but cold. So cold, it made Rey shiver.

Brendol snorted at her reaction. “Exactly.”

The view swiveled, as it was never meant to focus on Brendol’s mother, and it landed on the boy standing against the wall, with Hux at his side. Hux was taller now, almost a teenager. He was still thin, but something about the strength in his face had filled out, hardened, and matured. He looked a little more like the man Rey knew now.

They were both rigid against the wall, also pretending to be statues with respect to those who came to greet them and shake their little hands. Hux had the manners of a proper gentleman down flat, but little Brendol looked shaky and unsure with every movement. He reached down and scratched at his ankle with one hand, and Hux turned to hiss at him to stop. Brendol dropped his hand immediately and arched his back almost comically straight in response.

Rey giggled. She knew, if she’d known them as children, she would have been much more fond of Brendol than of his brother. She imagined that had a lot to do with upbringing and mitigating circumstances, but none of that would have affected her decision as a child.

The boys weren’t allowed to move from their designated spot during the party, so Brendol found no point to watching this scene any longer. He switched again, to something more private, in the room he shared with his older brother. Brendol was lying in bed, his body turned towards the bed beside his. In it, Hux was reading a book quietly, and ignoring the stares of his brother.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Xander?” Brendol’s high pitched voice piped out. Hux looked up at him, and then looked at the door quickly, his cold eyes scolding as he checked for privacy.

“I told you not to call me that when that _thing_ is recording you.” Hux hissed out, turning a page in his book with more vehemence than he probably meant to.

Brendol winced, and curled up tighter. “Sorry Armie, I didn’t mean to.”

Rey perked both eyebrows.

_Armie?_

Hux turned his eyes back to his brother again. “And what kind of question is that? You know what I’ll be when I’m grown. The same thing you will. We train for it even now.”

Brendol groaned, turning to lie down on his back. “I don’t want to be an officer. I don’t want to fight in no wars, Armie. I want to be an engineer. Like, I want to be able to make things like Essie.” 

The screen blacked out for a moment as little Brendol grabbed hold of the droid that was recording, which made it beep loudly in distress. He turned it upside down and started poking at its functions, and Rey had to look away as the screen shook wildly. She gave Brendol a wry grin, and he shrugged his shoulders in innocence, but his smile betrayed his amusement at his younger self’s antics.

“Then you’ll be an officer of engineering.” Hux huffed out, already impatient with his brother.

“I don’t want to _be_ a - “ Brendol let out a long huff of frustration, and let the droid go. “Okay. So what kind of officer do _you_ want to be, when you grow up? Officer of No Fun Having?”

Hux was in the middle of turning a page in his book, and his hand stilled on it at the insult. He gave his brother a withering look. “Officer of Shooting Little Brothers Out of Airlocks, perhaps.”

Brendol grinned - he loved when his brother actually played along. “Officer of Boring Stuff!” He offered.

“Officer of Putting You to Sleep With a Pillow.”

“Officer of I Dare You To Try!”

“That one doesn’t even make sense, Brendol.”

“Only ‘cause I know you won’t do it!”

But he was wrong. And to Rey’s surprise, Hux slowly folded his book up, put it at his side, and threw himself over into Brendol’s bed to try and smother him with a pillow. Brendol screeched in both terror and delight, as they tussled together, eventually just degrading their fight into smacking one another with pillows until the room had feathers dusting it. Even Hux had cracked, laughing like a child for the first time Rey had seen in these recordings. And when he smiled, her heart soared.

It was beautiful.

Someone had come into the room to check on the boys and instantly berated them for ruining their pillows. Rey could see that Hux was getting the brunt of the blame for it. She easily guessed this was the norm, in this family. She expected the boy to wither, and return to the impassive quiet he’d been a moment before.

But just before Brendol stopped the playback, she caught a glimpse of something glimmering mischievously in Hux’s eyes as he looked at his brother, and the hint of that small, but powerful little smile.

The screen went blank, and Rey was left with so much to process. She leaned back on her heels, and took a deep breath.

Witnessing Hux as a child was deeply, thoroughly affecting her opinion of him as a man now.

“I told you.” Brendol murmured out, his voice quiet but still shaky with pride. “Father was an idiot. He had nothing to worry about.”

Rey suspected that Brendol’s love for his brother was deeper than any love she’d ever been privy to, or been able to witness before. A startling thought shook her free of the warmth these nostalgic memories had wrapped her in, and she blinked several times as the thought took root.

“Brendol,” She whispered. “If these are recordings, and not your real memories, how can you be so sure that your father didn’t manipulate any of them to his advantage when he gave them back to you? Is there any way to be sure?”

Brendol’s lips parted to respond, but when no sound came out of them, Rey instantly regretted ever bringing it up.

He closed his mouth and his eyes flickered, as he searched for some proof that these were unedited files, and not something his father might have carefully put together or at least altered in some way. He searched for gaps, for moments that seemed dissonant to others, but in the end there was no way he could be sure..

His lower lip shook.

Rey was at his feet in seconds, reaching out to take his hands in her own. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was stupid of me. Of course they’re your memories. All of them. They’re so beautiful, and of course they’re all yours. What do I know about this kind of thing? I’m no one. I’m just some girl from a desert planet with no memories of her own family to speak of. But you, you have them.”

She reached up while still holding his hand, and took the chip out of the data reader, cradling it carefully inside of his hand. “They’re yours, and they’re beautiful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise, Brendol. Not even me.”

Her words were emphatic enough to pierce through the heart of him, and he looked down at her, focused with such intensity that she almost felt uncomfortable. He smiled in a jagged way that made her think he would be weeping if he could, and brought both of her hands up to his lips to kiss their knuckles.

“You know, I think you’re just about the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” He admitted, his voice cracked with emotion. He wanted to give her something as a gift, and after a moment of thought, he knew exactly what he could do for her.

“Can I show you something?”

Rey blinked at the sudden change in subject.

“On the screen. Turn around, I want to show you something. You’ll like it, I promise!”

She didn’t respond, she just turned around where she sat, there on the ground at his feet. She settled in and folded her feet underneath her, watching as he pulled up footage of something neither ship related nor nostalgic. In fact, it was clear that the footage was recorded by inferior cameras, but they still had infrared technology attached. She saw two figures, one much taller than the other. They were in an area of massive organic activity - trees, she realized. An entire forest.

The smaller figure moved up to the taller one, and as it did so, both figures began to fluctuate in color. Oranges, then reds, as heat bloomed from within.

Brendol turned off the infrared, and there she was, leaning up to kiss the corner of Hux’s lips.

“Brendol, don’t-” Rey turned away to chastise him for the breach of privacy, but he held his finger to his lips, and then twisted it to indicate she should turn around again. It wasn’t her or Hux’s obvious reactions to one another that he was really trying to show her. The footage continued, and Brendol turned the infrared back on as the camera panned to follow her.

There was something - barely there - a very large outline - 

That was where Kylo had been standing. She remembered it. But according to the infrared, she was still lit up as red as a rose, and he was barely registering. Even as she came closer, he seemed to cool, and calm, in her presence.

She bit her lip as she realized that she actually felt a little insulted, before she realized that this was Kylo Ren they were looking at. As far as anyone was concerned, he was _always angry_. 

Except.

“He started to settle in there around the fifteen minute mark, when you kissed Xander on the cheek. Isn’t that interesting? What about that kind of thing would make a man feel calmer, I wonder? Especially when it’s clear how much he cares for you.”

Rey turned her head back to level Brendol with a dangerous look, and he held his hands out.

“I’m just saying. It’s really rather intriguing! You’d think it would be the other way around - it’s something to think about.”

She didn’t want to think about it. But there was no stopping that, now. Now, it was all she _could_ think about.

“This.. is a _highly_ restricted area.” A voice behind them said. It startled Rey enough to make her jump, but Brendol did not seem phased. His eyes remained trained on Rey even as she craned her head around him to see Hux standing rigid at the doorway. The look on his face made her wince with regret.

“No one but myself and Brendol should be authorized to open this doorway.” He continued, as if he was speaking to one of his officers, and not his own brother and Rey. “How did you get past the security measures unscathed?”

“I let her in.” Brendol answered for her quickly, his voice lilting with a songlike quality. “I was lonely. And she’s harmless. Rey, you can come visit me anytime you like!”

“She most certainly can not.” Hux snapped back at his brother. His voice softened minutely when he turned narrowed eyes at Rey. “Rey, may I have a word with my brother alone, please?”

“Hux, I’m-”

She couldn’t even get her apology out. His gloved hand rose flat in front of her, silencing her with a gesture. At least, for a second. She stared at the glove with a mixture of guilt and rebellion, and chose rebellion in the heat of the moment. 

“ _Excuse_ me. I have the right to speak.”

Hux leveled her with a look, and she glared right back at it, refusing to back down. It was one of the things he rather liked about her, but at that very moment it was nothing but irritating. “So you refuse to grant my request for privacy with my brother in this matter?”

“I don’t refuse anything. I just wanted to say I was sorry! Then you had to go and treat me like I’m a naughty child. So maybe I’m not so sorry, anymore. And leaving Brendol alone like this is completely unacceptable. If he wants me here, I’ll visit him anytime I like. If that bothers you, well then, you can just.. lock me up in a detention cell for all I care!”

That had his attention. His eyes widened as the crisp facade of authority crashed around him, and he reached out one hand to plead with her. “Rey, I meant no disrespect.”

“Well you managed it nonetheless!”

She ignored his outstretched hand, and stormed out of the room, livid. He watched her go with an expression of stricken grief, before schooling his expression enough to turn around and face his brother again.

“I suppose you find all of this hilarious, do you?”

Brendol gave him a thick lipped pout. “Rey’s upset. Nothing about that is hilarious. I don’t get you, Xander. How could you talk to her like she’s one of your men? From the way you talked about her, I really thought you were in love with her.”

Hux’s eyebrows shot up high, and he scoffed at the notion. “Don’t be absurd. I’m not in love with anyone. And don’t try to get away from what’s really wrong here - why did you let unauthorized personnel into your office? What if she was a shapeshifter posing as Rey? What if she’d been wired?”

“I have ways to check both those things, Xand-”

“What if Snoke takes control of her again?”

His brother went quiet, all the excuses in the world falling apart at the reveal that Snoke had been in Rey’s mind. He paled, and hoped he’d misheard. “Again?”

“Twice now, since he’s been made aware of her. She could have killed you, Brendol. And never known she was doing it.”

Brendol turned back to the screen, and watched Rey storming away from his room, still enraged at how Hux had treated her. He knew, despite how much he wanted to keep Rey close and keep her company, that there was a security risk. And if he ignored it, he was putting her in as much danger as he was putting himself - and the fate of the ship. The entirety of the First Order.

He let out a tiny, pitiful little whine.

“I’m glad you finally see things my way.” Hux said, turning to walk away. “Once we’ve eliminated Snoke and all traitors to the First Order, she’ll be safe. That’s why you’re here, Brendol. To help expedite her safety.”

“I’m here to help you win a war of sabotage, Xander.”

Hux turned at the door, and gave his brother a tight smile. “A war that ensures her safety. If that isn’t enough incentive, I don’t know what is.”

Behind Brendol, the screen was still frozen in place at the infrared footage of Rey kissing Hux in the forest. The tight smile on Hux’s face faltered, as it captured his attention, and he recognized it for what it was. He went silent, taking it in for a moment.

“Does she know?” Brendol’s soft voice penetrated through his silent reverie. “How you feel.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to feel, Brendol? Is this about your notions of love again?” Hux sounded unhinged, as if the answer was a very clear no, and it drove him mad to think of it.

“She deserves to know, Xander.” Brendol continued, refusing to answer Hux’s question. “If she deserves anything, it’s to know how you feel.” His eyes turned to focus on that more difficult body, the calm presence of Kylo Ren. “And what you’re both doing to him.”

It took a moment for Hux to realize what Brendol was talking about. He slowly stepped back into the room, once his eyes focused on Kylo’s outline, and he stared at it with a sharp, almost tactical gaze.

“What does he have to do with this?” Hux asked. Brendol thought he should have heard jealousy in his voice, but instead there was a rather dangerous edge of curiosity. His brother legitimately wanted to know what his effect on Kylo Ren was.

The situation became immensely more interesting.

“Wouldn’t you think he’d be jealous, seeing her kiss you like that? Instead, his heart rate dropped, and his temperature cooled. It calmed him, Xander. She calms him. And seeing her with you calmed him. What kind of man finds peace in that?”

Hux was transfixed on the sight. Not because Kylo was content at the sight of him kissing Rey, but because Kylo was _not_ mirroring the emotions of the two nearest him. They lit up the screen with unresolved infatuation and embarrassment, but Kylo was in a world of his own, collected and content.

And wasn’t that interesting.

He twirled on his heel and stormed out of the room, without so much as a goodbye to his brother or any explanation of what he was thinking. Brendol let out a soft _ah-_ of surprise as his brother disappeared, and then slumped in his chair. Alone, again.

But at least this time, he knew his work was for a very good cause. He dove back into it headfirst, searching for anything that could help them keep Rey safe, once and for all.

He’d only known her a few days, but he already knew she was worth sacrificing for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( Please check out this wonderful new art by Elithien on tumblr of the Stormtrooper threesome hug: http://i.imgur.com/dVIGKbT.jpg )
> 
> So, eight months. Would that I could give you a solid excuse of where I went but the truth is I didn't go anywhere. I just.. didn't feel like I was a writer anymore. And it's taken me this long to fight that self sabotaging mindset, and I'm gonna be honest I haven't actually won that fight yet. I'm guessing a lot of you know this feel, especially nowadays since it's been so very long since the first movie. And a lot of people are relying on the next movie to re-infuse them with inspiration again but the truth is I had really hoped to finish this story before that came out, because it might make it feel pointless. And I still do want to try to do that, or at least.. get really close. 
> 
> Either way, I'm sorry to anyone, old or new reader, who got to the last chapter and was just like NOT ANOTHER DEAD END. I'm not abandoning this story, I just need to remember how to write again.
> 
> That being said, if this chapter feels weird, I wouldn't be surprised. Gotta clean out those cobwebs and all. And I do already have next chapter planned, and I'm excited to write it. 
> 
> I wanna thank everyone who kept commenting and asking me whether I was coming back, I know that sounds weird but as I've said before I really thrive on people going PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP and stuff like that. Even the ones that scream NOOOO help me remember that someone would still like to see this finished other than myself. And that's always nice to know.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me. This was a ridiculous hiatus and if you're still here, you mean a lot to me and I want you to know that. See you next chapter!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So technically the next chapter is already written because this was all going to be one giant chapter. But I decided I was going to split it into two smaller chapters, and keep the actual E rated smut in its own chapter. This way, not only can people skip smut if they're not comfortable with it, but also people know exactly where to look when they just want smut. I'M A READER TOO YOU GUYS, I GOT YOU.
> 
> Anyway, apologies for the chapter being shorter than usual, like I said this is only part 1. Part 2 will be posted very soon since it's already written.
> 
> And thank you guys so much for still supporting me. It means the world to me that you're here for this.

Kylo Ren was a strong, clever, and wicked individual. But if there was one thing Admiral Hux thought the man could work on, it was his stealth. 

He could hear the clomp of those boots coming from approximately two hallways down, not even remotely close to his destination and yet already so recognizable. Hux estimated it would take at least fifteen, possibly twenty seconds before those long strides of his got him anywhere near this door, so he measured those seconds with his own actions just to keep his calm.

One; he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Two, three, four; he packed them, turning the box around to pat the bottom with the flat of his palm a few times. Five, six; He popped open the top of the box, slid one cigarette out of its sheath, and closed it again.

Seven; he couldn’t find his matches. Where the bloody hell were his matches?

Eight through fourteen were spent searching his body and desk for a spare book of matches, which he eventually found in a drawer. As absurd as it was, he felt like he was running out of time. His heartbeat raced; Kylo’s footsteps had gotten obscenely loud, so much so that Hux couldn’t tell if he was imagining the quickening pace or if Kylo really was moving faster.

Fifteen; He lit a match, and brought it to his lips. Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen - that first, blissful inhale. He stopped counting then; nothing else mattered but this. Kylo Ren did not exist. Nothing existed but the slow burn in his lungs, penetrating his blood stream until he felt that sweet release.

The door slid open just as Hux was sitting askew on the edge of his desk, one boot cocked up to rest flat on its surface as the other leg hung down over its edge. His arm was leaning against his upward bent knee, and the lingering drift of smoke rose up off the lit cigarette in that hand. The smoke from his last inhale curled around his lips as it escaped, disappearing in a thin stream of breath.

He was a vision. And he knew it.

Kylo’s dark outfit blotted out the doorway, as he stood there and watched in silence. Hux’s careful eyes turned his way, and he snorted at how still the man was. After all that trotting like some thoroughbred horse, Kylo looked like he couldn’t move. 

Hux turned his eyes back to look at the end of his cigarette. It slowly burned away in his fingers; a waste. Every second wasted a little more.

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Hux piped up, almost amicably. “You certainly took your time.”

“Training.” Kylo was finally able to speak, even if it was only in choppy, unfinished sentences. “With Rey. Needed - to train.”

Hux nodded his head a few times in sage agreement. “Admirable reasoning. That must always be our top priority. Did it go well?”

Judging by the way Kylo had noisily stormed straight to his office, he guessed not.

“No.” Kylo confirmed, finally stepping up enough to let the door close behind him. He stopped when he heard it seal, and kept his distance. “Well. Yes and no.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. It was his only indication that Kylo should continue. As he waited for whatever explanation was forthcoming, he slid off of the desk and stood, moving to the wall of his office. With the press of a button, the wall slid open, allowing him to pull out a very expensive looking glass bottle of liquor and a pair of glasses. Kylo still hadn’t said a word yet, so he set the glasses down on his desk, and poured a sliver of the honey brown liquid into each of them. The glass topper was placed gently back on the bottle, and Hux picked up one of the glasses in his cigarette hand, while the other held up the second glass to Kylo.

The silent man shook his head, and Hux shrugged apathetically before putting it down. After another beat of silence as Hux drank a sip of his glass, he let out a long, impatient sigh.

“I tire of having to prompt you. Stop waiting for me to pull it out of you and just tell me what happened, already.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about the girl.” Kylo hadn’t reverted to calling Rey ‘the girl’ in so long, but at least he hadn’t pulled out that dreadful _‘the scavenger’_ he used to love demeaning her with when he first spoke of her. 

Still, Hux didn’t like the tone, and he swirled the brown liquid in his glass thoughtfully. “I know damn well what you came here for. And I’m telling you, talk to me about what happened with _Rey_ , or I’ll politely request you exit my quarters this instant.”

There was no politeness in his request.

Kylo grunted with frustration, his lip sneering as if he was ready to fight his way past Hux’s little demand. He lurched closer, and Hux’s entire body went rigid. It was a series of subtle movements, but the curves of his body returned to hardened edges and suddenly Kylo was no longer _welcome_ near him anymore.

And he felt it. Kylo felt that change so severely, it actually stopped him in his tracks. His fists tightened so hard that Hux could hear the leather creaking, but he made no move to defy the Admiral.

For that was what he was, in that moment. The Admiral.

“What. Happened.” Hux ordered, through clenched teeth.

“Nothing. We fought. What would you expect of me? Of her? We’re on opposing ends, everything she believes is a lie and she can’t seem to let me forget the things I _did_ before we began this sham of a venture. The moment either of our tempers rise we say things we can’t take back. You wouldn’t even understand that kind of thing, would you.”

“What kind of thing?” Hux sighed out. “Having emotions? You wound me.”

He did not sound wounded.

“The instability.” Kylo corrected, giving Hux a withering glance. “You, in your little ice palace of a mind keeping you cool under stress. You don’t know what it feels like to burn.”

Hux rose his eyebrows, but said nothing against the words. He disagreed with them, but Kylo didn’t need to know that. He rather liked the idea that Kylo thought he was always under control. He wondered how long that would last, especially after they - 

Best not to think about that, now. No time for cold feet.

“I’m glad to hear that you recognize you’re likely just as much at fault for this as she might be. Whatever happened between the two of you, I’d wager it’s easily fixed with a heartfelt apology. And perhaps some anger management.” He couldn’t help himself; a little smile crept up on his lips as he considered the idea of telling Rey to take anger management lessons with Kylo. He’d probably get slapped in the face.

And would that really be so awful?

His mind was certainly still focused on the baser sins of humanity, to have thought that just then. Good to know Kylo hadn’t already turned him off before ever even touching him.

Kylo saw that smile, but there was no room for amusement in his heart. Still, it was enough to release him from the grip that kept him at bay, away from Hux’s ice cold exterior. He walked forward then, and dropped down to his knees in front of the Admiral. Hux’s eyes shot up in surprise, but Kylo wasn’t attempting anything untoward. He just pressed his forehead against Hux’s knees, and sighed.

“It was more than just a fight, Hux.” Kylo whispered, after a few moments of silence. The admittance struck through Hux like a blade, and his lips parted open.

“More?” He asked, his voice never wavering. That crisp accent refused to show weakness. But he didn’t, as he pressed his free hand against the top of Kylo’s head, and watched his pale fingers disappear into all that black. “How much more?”

He could feel Kylo pushing harder, like a cat begging for more pets. “Fighting with her, being so close to her, it.. confused me. It has me thinking things that I know she doesn’t want me to think. And it frustrates me, and I lash out, and - “

Hux’s hand tightened in the waves of Kylo’s hair so hard it hurt.

“This is the problem with you mind-readers.” Hux said, interrupting the long string of babbling Kylo had lost himself in. “You can never have any _secrets._ Let me guess. She got wind of your attraction for her, and reacted badly. Is that the true problem? Not your anger, but your lust?”

Kylo rose up to his feet so quickly that it snapped Hux’s hand out of his hair and had him leaning back on the desk in surprise. His hands gripped the edge of the desk as Kylo loomed over him, suddenly filled with maniacal purpose.

“Not _lust._ This isn’t about wanting her body, Hux. This isn’t as simple as sex.”

“Sex isn’t simple.” Hux pointed out. Despite that, he could see by the look in Kylo’s eyes that the man was right; if it was just lust, perhaps it would be easier to deal with. But Kylo felt things that were much more complicated and difficult to maneuver around than lust. These were the things Hux shied away from, whenever they were aimed in his direction. Rey might have been doing the same.

“I want her, Hux.” Kylo admitted, surprising even himself with this sudden bubble of honesty that was forcing the words out without thought. And it didn’t stop there. He brushed the knuckles of his large hand across the pale expanse of Hux’s cheek, and his entire body softened in content. “And I don’t deserve to want her. I’m not a fool. I know where I stand, what doors have long since closed for me by my own hand. But I want her, just the same. Just like I want you.”

“I thought this wasn’t about lust.” Hux said it before he could stop himself, before he could realize that he didn’t want to hear confirmation of what Kylo was admitting. The light was aiming in his direction again, and he couldn’t scrounge up the common sense to shy away this time. So when he saw it, that little smile on Kylo’s face that spoke more than words ever could, he felt the light searing him, past his skin until he knew there would be irreparable damage. This was what Rey had fought so hard to avoid, he guessed.

And he should have been fighting, too.

“But I know it’s wrong.” Kylo’s words felt like a slap back into reality. For a moment, Hux had been lost in whatever that dangerous feeling had been. But Kylo was talking about _Rey_ , now, not him, and it sobered him enough to pull back from the depths of dangerous territory. “I know she’ll never want that. And I know I have to find peace with that, I do, but when we’re sparring everything gets too heated. It’s so much more difficult, then.”

There was something in Kylo’s eyes that certainly _looked_ like lust, if Hux was any judge of it. “Have you ever watched her _fight_ , Hux? She’s incomparable. Every time I see it, I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind. She’s perfect.”

Well, she was that.

“And I need to train her. We both know that. She knows that. But now she wants nothing to do with me and I can’t really even blame her.”

“But.. you blamed her in the heat of the moment, didn’t you Kylo.” Hux reached up to move Kylo’s hand away from his face, and let it rest back down against his side. “That’s why you’re here, ranting to me about both of you being hot headed fools. Because you blamed her for the way _you_ feel, as if somehow it was her fault.”

Kylo looked Hux in the eyes, filled with shame, and then immediately looked away. There was no fighting what Hux had deciphered so cleverly from the situation. Kylo could still hear Rey’s voices ringing in his ears, forcing shame down his throat in hot, painful swallows.

He’d blamed her for just looking at him. For giving him hope that someday, if he didn’t give up, if he found some way to make it all up to her..

But all she’d done was look at him. And he blamed her for it.

He blamed her for being strong enough to stand the sight of him and not cringe in disgust.

His face pinched as heat flooded just under his skin, and his eyes burned with the threat of tears.

“My original assessment stands. Not only do I think you need to sincerely apologize, _now_ I believe she absolutely deserves it. Just.” Hux’s lip twitched, as he tried not to smirk. “Don’t do it while you’re training.”

Kylo finally looked him in the eyes again, his expression so utterly heartbreaking that it almost stirred Hux’s heart. “What is it you really want from me, when it comes to her? I don’t understand you. I don’t understand any of this.”

“You’re not meant to understand me, Kylo.” Hux noted, his lips pursed with amusement. “I like it that way.”

He thought he’d gotten away with that answer, but Kylo looked unmoved. He just kept talking, as if Hux hadn’t tried to dissuade him. “At first, I thought you wanted me to woo her. Then I was sure you just wanted her for yourself. Now it always feels like you’re just trying to keep us from killing each other and you - I mean - you want.. You do _want_ me, right?”

Did he really just ask that?

Hux couldn’t believe the insecurity in Kylo’s voice, even now. At what point would this man ever finally believe someone could desire him? Was it really that difficult, considering his strength, his power, his allure, and that damn ridiculous hair, taunting Hux even now as it curled in perfect layers just over Kylo’s eye and begged to be brushed away -

He hated Kylo for making him even think about this.

“Yes, you oaf. I was sure I made that point clear.”

Hux could not believe that he was watching Kylo visibly sigh with relief, as if he was honestly unsure of it. As if he hadn’t come into these quarters, knowing full well what he was here for. Now he started to wonder if perhaps he’d made a grievous error, in choosing Kylo as his next bedmate. This was going to bring him nothing but trouble. 

“Then what do you want when it concerns me and her?” Kylo asked. Hux could not believe he’d caught a hint of a whine in his voice. He was dealing with a grown man, not a child.

“For starters, I want to not be asked such an asinine question.” He hissed out, rubbing the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “In addition, have you ever considered that I don’t _want_ anything concerning two people that are not myself, and their relations with one another? Does everything have to be some sort of machination when it comes to my actions?”

Kylo did not pause a single beat to answer. “Yes.”

The fingers on the bridge of Hux’s nose stilled, and then his eyes flickered open, narrow as they glared up at the man. He looked ready to fight that comment, but Kylo wasn’t actually _wrong_ , so he used his silence to fight for him.

“I know you want something, Hux. I just can’t figure out what it is.”

That was a blessing, at least. Hux dropped his hand, and his cold glare faded. “If there is one thing I want most from you, Kylo Ren, other than perhaps your mouth too full of my cock to speak such nonsense as this, it would be the knowledge that you have _no_ idea what I actually want at any given time. That’s a great comfort to me, and I will cherish it for as long as it may last.”

Without realizing it, Hux had said exactly the right thing to divert Kylo’s attentions sharply away from these brutish attempts to try and figure him out. Hux caught the way his pupils dilated, and he’d stopped breathing. He almost felt bad for how easy it was to set Kylo off.

Almost.

“Tonight, at some point that isn’t the immediate future, you will find her.” Hux’s voice had taken on a silky, seductive tone. It wasn’t really fair to Kylo, but Hux took comfort in knowing that no one ever expected him to play fair. Kylo knew exactly the kind of man he was getting involved with. 

He leaned in when he spoke, his fingers reaching up to tug at the hem of Kylo’s high collar. As if he was trying to fix it. As if he was trying to make the man look presentable, when all he wanted to do was debauch every inch of him. “And you will apologize to her, because she deserves to know that she was not, and will never be, in the wrong for her response to being around you. And you will make sure that you _mean_ it.” His fingers tightened, making the collar tighten, too. “And most of all, you will refrain from attempting to make _excuses_ for your behavior. You will be there to apologize, not alleviate your own guilt.”

Kylo was listening, enraptured. Hux could have told him to kill himself in that moment, and Kylo might have done it gleefully, just to please the Admiral.

Kriff, that realization aroused him.

“And then, you will train her. The next day. And the next. And you will learn to _control_ that mouth of yours, or I will _Muzzle. It._ ”

He didn’t know if he was making these demands to keep Kylo in line, or to get himself off. Both goals were being accomplished.

“Are we clear, Commander?”

Using his rank like a weapon was the last straw. Kylo leaned in, his entire body pressing up hard against the Admiral until the edge of the desk was digging so hard against Hux’s back that it hurt. Kylo’s hands covered Hux’s, which had once more gripped at the desk edge for support. He was pinned. But still in control.

“Yes, Admiral.” Kylo’s husky, lust-laced voice breathed out against Hux’s cheek. “As you command.”

“There, now.” Hux managed to squirm one of his hands free, and used it to pat Kylo’s face gently as a reward. “You can be good, after all.”

“I didn’t come here to be _good._ ” Kylo reminded him, as if he ever could have forgotten. Hux rolled his eyes at the obvious tease, and made no move to give in to Kylo’s overbearing seduction. His eyes flickered down, to where his still lit cigarette had fallen to the ground. It was starting to burn the carpet, and that was unacceptable. No amount of sexual overture would make him ignore that.

“That’s almost painfully obvious. I should warn you, I might not demand your complete and utter surrender today, but take care to enjoy that singularity while you can. The next time you find me, we _will_ begin our training. And you _will_ be good for me.”

That got Kylo’s attention. His brows lifted high, and he eased up just enough to give Hux the room to push him off and bend down for the cigarette. He plucked it off of the floor and set it in an ashtray, then he put his hands on the desk again and lifted himself up enough to sit properly on it. When he looked at Kylo, he could still see those rusty gears churning inside of his head. He opened his mouth to warn the man not to hurt himself, but closed it before the words came. For once, he thought it best to hold his sharp tongue.

“Why not today?” Kylo asked, his face painted with a mixture of emotions so strong it felt to Hux like he was looking directly at a bright light. Hux winced and chose to look at his ruined carpet, instead.

“Frankly, I don’t have the patience for it. After all we’ve been through, all we’re fighting against, I’d say we’re about due for a vacation from the burdens of our current predicaments.”

Kylo stared flatly until Hux finally looked up again, and he could see that he was going to have to try and be a little more blunt in order to get through. Hux was a craftsman when it came to fine tools, but Kylo was the kind of man who needed a hammer to crack him open.

Hux sighed.

When his hand reached out to yank Kylo forward, he inwardly thrilled at the actual sound of surprise that escaped the man’s lips. It was too easy to get a reaction out of him, which was frankly what Hux liked best about the barbaric oaf.

“Kylo.” He growled out, gripping the dark hair until he could hold the man’s head level with his own. He tugged, perhaps a little too hard, until Kylo’s head was arched back just a touch. “For once, just bloody once, can’t it just be about sex?”

The recognition in Kylo’s eyes glittered in a way that Hux almost wanted to admit was attractive.

“It’s never going to just-” Kylo was already arguing it before Hux could stop him, but his pale hands slapped down on Kylo’s mouth all the same, muffling the words before he could finish the sentence.

“Just. Once.” He breathed out shakily, no longer growling. He wouldn’t say he was pleading with the man, because he would _never_ stoop to such a level, but if Kylo didn’t acquiesce to his demands this one time, he thought he might actually try to kill him there in his office. 

“Just once, Kylo.” He repeated, slowly dropping his hands. When he did, his eyes caught on the curves and fullness of Kylo’s lips, and there they held, just staring. Maybe hoping. (No, never that.)

His hand lifted to cup Kylo’s chin, and his thumb brushed roughly across the plush, dark skin of those lips. He warped Kylo’s frown with his firm press, just hard enough to be uncomfortable. And when he finished, Kylo’s lower lip was redder than it had been. He’d plumped it with his callous touch.

His eyes lifted back up to finally meet Kylo’s again. And he waited for all those gears to grind to their conclusion, once more.

He could have sworn he heard the swell of triumphant music when Kylo finally, _finally_ reacted, bending forward again to settle in the space between Hux’s legs until he hit the edge of the desk himself. He thought he’d won, without issue, until Kylo had to open his mouth again and remind him that this man would _never_ make anything easy for him.

“It can be about - “ Hux held his breath, as Kylo paused to pick up and kiss the meat of his palm before finishing his thought. “About making you feel good. About making _us_ feel good.”

It was teetering just on the edge of dangerous, because of how thick Kylo’s voice was when he promised Hux pleasure. He had no real ability to separate the emotion from his desire. This was as close as it got, and Hux mulled the compromise over for a few long, frustrating seconds.

He gripped Kylo by the collar and pulled, leaning back as his legs wrapped to hook around Kylo’s hips, and he let out a ragged breath as he acquiesced. 

“I’ll _take it_.”

Kylo crashed into him then, crude and inexperienced and full of unchecked desire. Hux felt the vibrating ache of teeth crashing against one another before Kylo pressed both of his hands against Hux’s cheeks and held his head exactly where he wanted, kissing him too deeply without even working up to it. Hux’s garbled gasp of surprise was muffled so thoroughly by Kylo’s tongue that even he couldn’t tell if it had been meant as some sort of protest or a needy moan. His body certainly tried to tell him the latter was the case, as he bucked up against Kylo, desperate for even the slightest friction. 

He kissed like he fought, wild and full of anger. It was a disappointment in one sense. In another, a thrilling promise - that he would fuck just as madly, too. 

Hux pulled away, rubbing his red, bruised lips with his fingertips as he glared up at the man leaning over him. Kylo looked almost comically uncomfortable, like he was seconds away from climbing up on that desk with him. He thought he might have laughed, had Kylo not set a hand down on his chest and _shoved_ him until his back was flat against his own desk. He stared up at the ceiling and contemplated his life choices. Was this really where he wanted to be?

He felt Kylo’s hands unbuckle at his pants belt, and thought, yes. This is _exactly_ where I want to be. And for the first time in what felt like forever, he was simply going to enjoy himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ding. Ovens preheated. (ty inforapenny) 
> 
> Next chapter: Literally 100% actual banging I promise.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is. Chapter 40. I remember once I told my friend Rachel that I bet this story wouldn't let me get to smut until Chapter 50, but hey, at least it's a nice number. Plus, I'm sure it'll take ten more chapters until the actual event we're all here for comes along...
> 
> ...
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> (As stated last chapter, this one is pure smut. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. It's skippable if you don't like that sort of thing!)

It started off with an unexpected kiss searing his skin. Kylo had shucked all the prim and perfect layers of Hux’s undershirts up from where they had been neatly tucked into his pants to get to him. His uniform jacket was still perfectly buttoned and belted around him, and Kylo was adamantly ignoring it in favor of doing what was minimally necessary to free Admiral Hux from his trousers. But when they fell to his knees, Kylo’s head disappeared under the lip of his jacket completely. Hux thought the man was destined to put those wide lips straight on his cock, but he hadn’t. He’d done nothing more than kiss Hux, just above his groin, at the tight convex bend that separated what little paunch of stomach there was from his lower body. He kissed Hux there, at the bend where a tiny trail of ginger hairs traversed downward, and Hux felt that kiss burn straight to the core of him. It was unexpected. It was unsatisfying. It was dangerously close to adoration.

Kylo re-emerged from beneath the lip of Hux’s jacket, leaving him wholly unsatisfied and tense in every muscle. He _did_ climb up on the desk, then; slow, like a predator. Hux could easily imagine the muscles underneath moving with each slow push, until the great shadow of a man loomed fully above him. Hux sneered, already unhappy at how easily Kylo had ignored his cock.

“Patience.” Kylo whispered, in an attempt to soothe him. Hux’s eyes widened with recognition at what he’d done, before narrowing thin in rage.

“We’ve discussed this, Ren. If you’ve come here just to incapacitate me enough to read my mind, I want you off of me this instant. I won’t have it. Not for you, not for her, not for anyone.”

Kylo did not seem interested in leaving, though Hux did catch a hint of guilt cross his face. Big, gloved hands reached down to unbuckle at Hux’s jacket belt and undo the fasteners, one by one. “I wasn’t reading your mind.” He muttered, his thick pout coloring his voice with regret. “I felt your impatience. I know what you want, Admiral. I don’t need to read minds to feel it coming off of you. I never have.”

Hux realized, with a surprising mix of relief and horror, that Kylo wasn’t lying, and there wasn’t going to be any point in acting disinterested. Kylo must have felt how hungry Hux had been for his body since.. since..

How long had he known? That day in the elevator, surely. But, before then? He’d thought himself so impenetrable, so impossible to read. He’d watched Kylo walk away after throwing him that box of cigarettes, and forced himself not to think too hard on the sway of that cocky asshole’s walk.

But all this time, he’d been protecting the wrong thing. His thoughts had always been safer than the natural, instinctive response his body had whenever Kylo Ren had been too close. Or, for that matter, when Rey had kissed him-

No, not then. Kylo had been calm, then. He hadn’t felt a thing.

A very interesting observation, for another time.

Now, there was no room for thinking. And as far as Kylo was concerned, no point in hiding just how badly he did, in fact, want this. His careful facade felt powerless, in the face of this new knowledge. This scared him. And it freed him, too.

His fingers reached up as Kylo was undressing him, and they clutched, with a strangely possessive gentleness, at Kylo’s neck. It stilled the man, leaving Hux’s clothing alone as he was pulled down closer. There was no rush, no reason for the moment to turn heated and flustering. Hux’s eyes were locked on Kylo’s, reflecting a rare understanding for the first time. 

He wasn’t hiding anymore.

Kylo’s breath stopped. He stared, wide eyed, at the man underneath him. Hux’s gaze kept flickering over every feature, examining them with a sincere lack of judgement. He kissed none of the features in front of him, but he imagined doing so, just to feel Kylo’s response. To kiss those eyes closed, until his eyelashes fluttered long and black against his cheeks. To kiss that impressive nose and watch it flinch. To press kisses lazily against his cheeks until Kylo was as red as a beet.

Kylo would have enjoyed all that far too much, Hux thought. Best not to give him too much hope.

He leaned in and took Kylo’s lips instead, capturing them in something softer than either of them were used to. Kylo tried to respond with passion, but Hux’s hand went from his neck to his chest, warning him with a push to calm down. 

And just when he thought Kylo could never find peace, he felt all those muscles locked away behind layers of cloth finally relax against him. So his hand fell away to let Kylo take what he wanted.

Kylo’s kisses were softer, now, but those lips were no less demanding. Hux felt engulfed every time Kylo took him, and he hated the loss of control. Kisses were, by no means, his favorite act of intimacy. So his hands wandered up to find the fasteners on Kylo’s tunic, and plucked them open with no delicacy. One of them snapped right off at his fingertips, and he could hear it when it clattered on the ground. He waited for some kind of sharp reprimand, some growled insult.

Kylo’s mouth never let up. He didn’t even give pause.

He wanted this just as badly as Hux did.

Of course he did. Hux already knew that. There was no reason to feel the thrill of delight running through him, in that moment. No reason for his fingers to shake as they pushed aside Kylo’s tunic, revealing bare skin that begged to be touched. Kylo’s chest rumbled with pleasure when he felt Hux’s hands on him, and Hux could feel the vibration on his fingertips. He pressed along the edges of each muscle, finding where they started and ended and melted into one another. He’d thought that perhaps Kylo’s outfit had given him more thickness, much as his did - but once his hands were on Kylo’s waist, he realized there was nothing small or false about him. Kylo was built like a wall, with little to no dip in his waist.

Hux became extremely self conscious of his own body, which had a very pronounced dip just above the pelvic bone. Kylo had already begun exploring it, pressing his large hands down on his waist until it made him feel even smaller than usual. It made Hux hesitate, suddenly enraged at the gall of this man to be this well built. What right did he have, when his power came from some mystical, ridiculous force within?

Kylo’s fingers wrapped tight around Hux’s waist, manhandling him so easily it lifted him up off the table. And he groaned, thick and desperate into Hux’s lips. There was something hungry and possessive about the way Kylo couldn’t stop gripping at him, which forced Hux to admit that Kylo was enjoying the feel of his body, too.

Perhaps it wasn’t so awful, then. Just this once, he would let Kylo take the thrill of manhandling the Admiral and bending him to his will.

Just this once.

And maybe not entirely to his will.

All his careful machinations shorted out of his mind when Kylo’s hand finally slipped down to wrap those thick fingers around his cock, instead of his waist. Hux thrived on being able to think his way through situations. He couldn’t think, anymore.

He thrust up into Kylo’s hand, begging to fuck it. His cock throbbed needily, and Kylo complied, keeping his hand firm and taut as Hux jackknifed up at his own pace. It was good, but not good enough. Still, when Kylo’s thumb brushed up against the head, he found it wet and dripping, already swollen with sensitivity. 

Suddenly, Hux found his words. It was a moment of lucidity, and it wouldn’t last long.

“The next time I see you, I’ll have you on your knees for me. I’ll wring every noise out of you until there’s nothing left, and then, _only then_ , will I fuck you. So if you’ve ever hoped to one day know what it’s like to be inside of me, Ren, I suggest you make good use of this chance in front of you quickly. It will not come again.”

He’d huffed every word out, but Kylo could still hear the determination in his wrecked voice. He meant every word he’d said, and Kylo knew it. He knew that Hux wanted to be fucked, hard and unforgiving, on his office desk. He also knew that Hux would not want to give Kylo this much power over him, ever again.

He was more than willing to take this opportunity.

Hux’s body was arched over his desk so far it looked delicate, like some kind of artistic movement. Kylo brushed exploratory fingers up his stomach and chest, temporarily lost in awe of just how beautiful the man really was. Every inch of him felt like a work of art, and he bent down to lay kisses on it in worship. This was exactly what Hux was always afraid of, when he let Kylo loose to be himself.

He didn’t argue, this time. His hand reached up to lose itself in Kylo’s hair, and gently hold his head as he watched the man pay tribute to every inch of his body like he was otherworldy. And this, too, felt like a sort of power. One he might just be interested in getting used to, now and again.

Eventually, Kylo’s kisses reached Hux’s neck, and they turned vicious there. He felt the swell of his blood rising to the surface in bruises beneath Kylo’s teeth and tongue, and hissed with both pleasure and pain. It was nothing but a distraction from Kylo’s sudden intrusive finger, fumbling at the puckered hole of Hux’s ass. 

Hux reached out quickly to grab the wrist of that hand, and stop him before he actually plunged in.

“Brute.” Hux said it as if it was a loving nickname, and not an insult. “Get the lube. I need to be able to walk out of this office tonight.”

Kylo looked like a scolded child, and it almost made Hux want to laugh. “I don’t know - where?” He asked, his impressive pout returning. It made Hux roll his eyes to see it, and he gave in to that urge he always had to reach out and just tug on that lower lip.

Kriff, it was just as plush as it looked.

“Second drawer on the right.” Hux said, nodding his head in the direction of the other side of his desk. He expected Kylo to heave off of him to get it. Or better yet, to climb over him, giving Hux a chance to tease the bulge currently trying to break its way out of Kylo’s trousers. But he was wrong, on both counts. Instead, Kylo furrowed his brow and twitched his fingers, calling upon the Force to open up the drawer for him and float the lube into his waiting hand.

When he faced Hux again, he found the Admiral staring at him with such deadpan exhaustion that he almost thought he was about to be kicked out of the room.

“Really.”

Kylo winced at the sound of exasperation in Hux’s voice. He lowered himself further, until his bare chest could feel Hux’s skin against his, and sighed.

“I didn’t want to leave you.”

The exasperation in Hux’s face transformed instantly into cautious indignation, as he tensed underneath Kylo. Alarm bells were ringing in his head, demanding he push the man off, turn him away, kick him out. His heart sped up wildly, and Kylo could feel it against his chest.

Turn him away, every shred of common sense within Hux demanded.

Kylo waited for him to do it.

He didn’t.

When Kylo’s lips were on him again, they pressed against everything but his lips this time. They tasted his jawline, and the taut skin of his neck. They were sliding across a shoulder when Hux heard the cap of the bottle open. They licked at his collarbone when Kylo’s wet middle finger slid with determination into his firmly restricted asshole.

“Ah-” Hux cried out when Kylo forced his way inside, the pain of it stinging him as he clenched around that thick digit. Kylo stilled, feeling the way Hux’s body spasmed as it tried desperately to adjust. He wondered how he was ever supposed to fit inside of something this tight and clenched. (Though it didn’t surprise him to find Hux’s ass was so used to being this constricted.) So he waited, hoping for some sign - physical or otherwise - to let him continue.

“What are you waiting for, you _imbecile._ ” Hux hissed out through clenched teeth and a pained expression. “I didn’t tell you to plug me with one finger and be done with it. _Move._ ”

Good enough.

Kylo was cautious, much to Hux’s dismay. He fucked up into Hux and not once did he seem interested in releasing his own clothed erection, choosing instead to stare with open mouthed awe at the sight of Hux’s lithe body wriggling and writhing on that desk at the mercy of his fingers. Nothing could have aroused him more than this sight, and he might have worried that he would come while clothed and untouched if it wasn’t for Hux’s constant string of insults always knocking his arousal down a peg. In a way, they were helping.

In another way, he wanted to wring that pretty little throat with his free hand until it couldn’t make another sound.

He slipped a second finger in to stretch the tight hole further instead, reveling in the sound of Hux crying sharply up into the air. A third finger entered far too soon, and he felt a pang of guilt when Hux bent forward and gripped at his shoulders while a string of curses fell from his lips. He stilled then, to give Hux time to adjust. Only now, did he finally reach for the snaps of his trousers, tugging them open with quick, impatient jerks. His pants fell to the floor with a slide, and he yanked his boxers off like an impatient teen undressing for a wank. He was free, and somehow it felt worse to bob open and uncovered in front of Hux’s body. The trousers gave him a sense of captivity that he surprisingly missed..

He settled his erection against the one jutting up into the air, still beading with impatience. With a harsh jerk upward, he rubbed his cock against Hux’s, and the sound of sheer unregulated pleasure that escaped Hux made him smile.

“I like it when you’re loud.” Kylo admitted, canting his hips to stroke his cock against Hux’s over and over.

“And I like it when you’re silent.” Hux replied, but he sounded so desperate and needy that the insult came out weak. He reached up and grabbed Kylo again, pulling him up flush against his body. He wanted to feel their cocks trapped between them, frotting unevenly in motions that quickened as the seconds passed. Hux thought he might very well come right there, trapped against Kylo’s body, but the moment the thought entered his head he was abandoned.

Kylo had stood up again, holding his cock in one hand as he positioned it against Hux’s stretched hole. It still didn’t feel like it would be enough, but Kylo was long past caring. He stroked the head of his cock up and down Hux’s slit, between the pale cheeks of an ass that had no right to look that good. Still, it wasn’t enough. He wanted to see it.

“Turn around.” He demanded, command suddenly entering his voice.

Hux rose his head a little, breathing unevenly as he tried to use his elbows for support. “Fuck off.” He offered as reply, a breathy chuckle chasing his words.

Kylo did not ask again. His hands were on Hux’s waist a moment later, picking him up as if he weighed nothing and flipping him around until his stomach was on the desk. His grips were brusque and demanding; and he wasn’t done manipulating Hux’s body for his own satisfaction. He pulled Hux’s legs down over the edge of the desk, and kicked them apart just enough to let him see that hole stretch.

It took a few moments for Hux to realize just what had transpired, and a few minutes for him to come to terms with how much he’d enjoyed it.

He felt the head of Kylo’s cock butt up against him again, and then the slow, inevitably painful pressure as he was forced open, inch by inch, with nothing to be done but breathe and take it. The discomfort remained with every push, until finally, gloriously, Kylo Ren had sheathed himself fully inside and Hux felt the adrenaline fueled pleasure of being so deliciously full. It was everything he’d been craving, for far too long. A sigh of relief escaped him, and he felt his body relax. Kylo’s hand pressed against the small of his back, arching it further until the bliss of being full was replaced by the sharp pleasure of being stimulated at just the right angle. He couldn’t think, again. All he knew was this was everything he needed, in that moment. Kylo slid out of him and he moaned, lewd and frankly embarrassing, but he wasn’t in the right mind to care. He arched up for more, and Kylo gave him exactly what his body begged for, fucking him full over and over again. The cock was too big to fail at brushing its swollen head fully against his prostate repeatedly, until he’d dug his nails into the wood grain of his desk and scratched marks down into it.

It was far too late to lament over just how frightfully big Kylo actually was, when his full length was already assaulting Hux’s ass with every thrust. It felt obscene, just how wide he was being stretched to accommodate it. His body slammed against the desk over and over, rubbing his trapped cock against the smooth shine of a polished wood surface. Neither man was in any state to speak, so the room echoed nothing but the simultaneous grunts of pleasure as they rutted against one another like mating beasts. This was the filthy, emotionless debauchery Hux had once hoped for. It was mindless, thoughtless, and soared him quickly to the edge of his first orgasm of the night. He’d thought this would be everything he’d wanted, and nothing more. (Now, he knew it would not be enough.)

He came, untouched and embarrassingly fast, between the edge of the desk and his own body. It splattered ropes of white across the dark mahogany, staining its perfect surface and dripping down onto the ground. This didn’t stop Kylo’s assault, still bucking into Hux’s ass while his hands spread those cheeks apart just to watch him be consumed, over and over. He bent in and bit down hard on one cheek, leaving it red with his mark like a freshly bitten peach. The yelp he received in response drove him into a frenzy, and he only quickened his pace. But when he heard it, the words he’d thought he would never hear in his lifetime, he actually slowed to a stop.

“Kylo,” Hux begged. _”Please..”_

It felt like a slap to the face. Hux never begged. Hux _should_ never beg. He slipped out of the man and wrapped his hands around him again, turning Hux back until they were facing one another, and held him close. He sat Hux on the very edge of the desk, right where he could slip himself back inside, but stilled once he was there.

He gripped the limp, boneless man in his arms, cradling him until they were flush once more. Hux’s legs lifted to wrap around Kylo’s pelvis, and one arm wrapped loosely around his neck.

“What.” Kylo whispered, his voice suddenly desperate. “What is it, Hux. What do you want from me. Anything. _Anything._ ”

Despite having already come against the desk, Hux was fully erect. He rested his head against Kylo’s shoulder, and sighed when he remembered just how fruitless it would be to try and scale back on his desire. He met Kylo’s eyes, peering up at him through ginger lashes, and stole Kylo’s breath with a single look.

“Touch me.” He whispered. “Don’t make me come alone again.”

The vulnerability in Hux’s voice traveled straight into Kylo’s heart, embedded itself there like broken glass, and left its permanent mark.

“All right.” Kylo promised, his hushed voice still quiet as he shifted their bodies just enough to give him room to slide his hand between them. “All right, Hux. I’ve got you. I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

He bucked up into the man, slow but deep enough to make his body sing, and stroked Hux’s cock in time with his thrusts. Without realizing it, this position was less deep than having Hux bent over the desk for him, yet he was cresting towards his climax faster than he ever had before. Hux had begged for him. He’d begged to feel him, and needed him more than Kylo had ever been needed before. Nothing was more arousing than this.

And then he realized, belatedly, that Hux had called him Kylo. Not once. Not twice. But multiple times that night. And it hadn’t even surprised him, because by the way it fell off his tongue so easily, Hux was starting to get used to it.

His balls tightened in warning, and he clenched his teeth as he hissed out Hux’s name. The man in his arms groaned, and he felt the sticky wetness of Hux’s second orgasm spasming through him, splattering against Kylo’s stroking hand and both of their stomachs. It was the final straw, and even as he lifted his hand to lick the taste of Hux off of it, he was already climaxing hard enough to lift his whole body up onto his toes and make him scream like a wild animal.

Hux held on with one arm, his body shifting like liquid as it moved in tandem with Kylo’s all-consuming orgasm. After what seemed like eternity, they melted back down onto the desk. Kylo finally collapsed, having emptied himself fully, completely, deep within Hux. 

It was an awkward, uncomfortable position they were in. Hux’s body was bent backwards, and Kylo was stifling as he laid his weight on top of him, burying his face in Hux’s chest. His wide lips breathed in ragged gulps of air, and kissed at whatever skin he was pressed against, just desperate to express some of the emotion welling within him.

Hux thought he should probably tell him to leave, now. There was no room for intimacy, for hushed promises whispered in the afterglow, and gentle touches that promised fidelity and adoration. He knew how dangerous the moments directly after sex could be, especially for a man like Kylo. A man who’d just experienced the carnally heightened emotions of both himself, and Hux, all at once. 

He heard the most pathetic whimper escape Kylo’s lips, and his hands buried themselves in that lovely black hair again, as he silently promised himself that he would kick him out. Soon. 

But a few more moments together couldn’t hurt.

\----

She refused to think too hard on it. It was perfectly safe, that way; she’d once read that being aroused was a natural phenomenon, and even though she herself had never been interested in such things, that didn’t mean that her biological needs couldn’t occasionally surprise her. She’d kept her mind stoically clear through it all, refusing to think about anything, or any _one_.

Because deep down, where she refused to delve, Rey knew exactly why she’d gone from reading a ship technicians manual about TIE Fighter engines, to sliding two fingers into herself until she was crying out with pleasure. She knew why she was currently lying there with her pants around her ankles, loose limbed and satisfied, and strangely emotional about it.

But if she just didn’t think about it, she wouldn’t have to acknowledge the situation. After all, she had no _proof_ that it was them-

She shut her eyes harder, admonishing herself. That counted as thinking about it, and she refused. It was just a natural, unrelated event.

Now if she could just successfully convince herself of that, she would be fine. Everything would be just..

Fine.

Rey was such a terrible liar. Even to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	41. Chapter 41

He didn’t know why he’d thought to look anywhere but the training room for Rey, the next morning. He’d simply assumed that after their fight, it was the last place she’d be. So when he’d searched for her and found her presence there, fully focused on physical exertion, it took him a few seconds to accept it. When he stormed into the room and she only responded with a stiffening of the shoulders before returning to her forms, he couldn’t believe it.

He thought she’d make finding her difficult. Only then did he realize that finding her was not supposed to be the hard part. And he should have known Rey was done with running from her problems.

He should have known a lot of things about her by now, and he found himself constantly in the wrong lately. He wondered if it was he, instead, who should be doing the running away this time around.

Hux’s demands rang in his ears so loud it stung. No running away for him, either.

He stepped forward, and the sound of his footsteps had her stiffening again. So he stopped, and waited for her to acknowledge his presence. She would give him no such pleasure, and quite a few minutes passed before he finally gave in and spoke to her back.

“Rey.”

She did not flinch, this time.

“I need to tell you - that I’m sorry.”

Her training blade stabbed into the air one finally time, before it slowly came back down to her side. With her back still facing him, she finally spoke. “You _need_?”

Why did that sound like an accusation to him?

She turned around, and when she looked at him he could see every ounce of the anger he’d faced the day before, as if no time had passed at all. This wasn’t the calm, forgiving girl who’d held him when he cried. This wasn’t the face of joy, or hope, that he’d seen from her so many times. He felt as if he’d lost something very precious to him, and it struck a sharp slice of fear into his heart.

“Why exactly should I care about what you _need_?”

And with every passing second, he became more desperate to get it back.

He moved to a bench press and sat down, just to keep from looming over her as he spoke. “You shouldn’t. You’re right. It doesn’t matter what I need. But you deserve better than the unacceptable behavior I displayed yesterday morning, and since I can’t go back in time and stop myself from being such a.. such a..”

“Halfwit?” She politely offered, and he fell silent as the insult hit home. He nodded, taking it like a fair punch to the gut. “Imbecile?” She continued, and each insult hurt just a little less. Somehow, he didn’t mind Rey driving him down into the dirt with her heel; if it meant she would smile again when it was all said and done.

“Jackass?” His head tilted up in surprise, a little stunned at her foul mouth. When he met her eyes, he could tell that throwing insults at him had started to make her feel a little better, but as soon as his eyes caught that mood she turned away to hide it from his sight.

“Yes.” He agreed. “All those things, and more.”

“And _why_ are you all these things and more?” She asked, the bite of hate back in her voice all of a sudden. “Do you even know why you’re apologizing? Or is this just Hux sending you back in here, tail between your legs, to try and mend our relationship and keep me in good spirits?”

He was glad she’d turned away from him. He knew his face was painted with surprise. She’d called it exactly as it had happened within seconds of starting the conversation, and he felt his temper threatening to rise the longer he thought about it. She trusted _Hux_ to know what to do, when it came to handling Ren.

But he didn’t _want_ to be handled. And he didn’t want to be so predictable, either. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to storm out of the room and forget he’d even tried - and it angered him even more to realize just _how predictable_ that response would be. She wouldn’t even stop him - she was probably banking on him leaving her alone.

Well, not this time.

“I tried to blame you for how I felt. For how I _feel_. And it’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you, and being angry at you because of it was wrong. It was stupid, and childish, and _wrong_. I know this, now. I’m not promising you that I’ll be perfect, or I won’t hurt you again, but I can promise that I’ll _try_.”

It all sounded so familiar to her. Familiar, and unsatisfactory. She turned her head to look at him, and her lips turned down into a frown.

“You have to do better than that, Kylo. A lot better.”

He rose up off of the bench and moved to lumber towards her. His posture was bent, with head and shoulders hunched in a submissive position. It made her eyes widen, staring at him with an unexplainable fear. 

“The only thing I am sure of anymore in this life is that I am willing to try _whatever_ it is you need me to do in order to be worth your forgiveness, and your trust. I wish I knew all of the answers. I wish I knew exactly what to do, what to fight, what to push in order to get there. But I don’t. Hux doesn’t. And it’s not your responsibility to figure out how to fix me, either.” He finally looked up at her, and when he met her eyes, he hated the fear he saw in them. He hated the fear he _felt_ coming off of her, because he couldn’t imagine why she was still so scared of him. 

If she didn’t know by now that he would die before ever hurting her again, he was sure she’d never know.

So he backed away a step, and straightened his posture out.

“But I _am_ sorry for the things I said yesterday. Not because Hux told me to, but because it’s true. I’m sorry.”

Rey let his apology in, allowing it time to resonate within her as if to test it for legitimacy. But in truth, she already knew. 

And none of this was what really scared her. None of this was the cause of that bubble of anxiety filling her empty stomach, tightening it until she felt nauseous. And she couldn’t even talk to him about it.

Not now. Not after all of this. Not when he was finally starting to realize that his actions had consequences.

She let out a shuddering breath, and shook her head once in a firm nod.

“I accept your apology. If only because there are more important things to deal with together, and even this kind of problem isn’t enough to make me forget about Snoke.”

Snoke. Kylo straightened to a rigid stance, and realized that Rey was a great deal better at prioritizing than he’d given her credit. His eyes looked away for a moment, before his head rolled slightly and he gave her a similar nod. “We can talk about this again some other time, if it helps. But you’re right - we need to focus. Blocking first, then physical training. Get into meditative position.”

Her lower lip jutted out stubbornly when his voice took on that authoritarian tone, but this time she did not fight back. It was her idea to get to work, after all - and so she sat, legs folded under her, closed her eyes, and tried to clear her mind.

That was easier said than done, on a day like today.

Normally, she’d expect him to start snapping at her by now. She was taking too long centering herself, he’d say. There was no time to dawdle when any moment now, Snoke could-

“If you’re just going to have conversations with me in your head, I might as _well_ be reprimanding you.” He hissed out, unabashed over reading her mind when that was the very task she was preparing to practice avoiding. Her eyes snapped open and she glared, with a pinch to her nose that Kylo wished he didn’t find so utterly charming. He looked away again, with a roll of his eyes.

“I’m not rushing you today. If it takes all day to get you focused, then so be it. It’s my fault you’re all wound up, so it would be foolish to try and blame you for it.” Still looking away, he let out a soft snort. “And despite how foolish I’ve clearly been recently, I think I’ll try being patient, today.”

He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell she was still looking at him. Was she glaring? Perhaps. Whatever it was, it wasn’t meditating. He closed his eyes, and pinched just above the bridge of his nose.

“That patience can only go so far, Rey..” He growled out, quietly waiting for her to get back on track.

When he looked again, her eyes were closed, and he could feel her Force signature finding its balance and focus. So he stilled in order to give her the silence and peace necessary. After that, it didn’t take long.

“I’m ready.” She said, her voice soft and yet so full of power. It was untapped, and still only in its potential stages, but that did not stop it from sending shivers down Kylo’s spine. She could be so strong, so powerful.. 

But now wasn’t the time to think about that.

Instead, he rose his fingers and with a little effort he dove into Rey’s mind. She wasn’t fighting back, yet. This was what he’d come to expect; she was always curious before she was stubborn, always letting him in first to test what it felt like to be intruded upon before tearing and thrashing in order to kick him out.

She’d told him that she hoped to get better at catching Snoke before he could enthrall her. Kylo did not argue, but it was clear he had little hope that anything but pure, constant mind blocking would succeed.

As always, the first thing he found in her mind was what she’d used to center herself every time. An island, on a world almost entirely covered by turbulent seas. She was there, as always, climbing an infinite number of steps. Never arriving anywhere, just climbing.

The climb was what gave her focus. It gave her purpose, even if she never knew why.

She’d felt him in her mind, this entire time. He was there, climbing with her, just behind. She could almost feel his hand on her elbow, barely grazing the skin with a touch as tender as the intrusion within her mind. He always started out gentle, and she always let him stay for a while.

This time, he found himself hurtling out of her mind and her thoughts so quickly it stung, leaving him with a throbbing headache. He turned wincing eyes to look at her, and found her smiling smugly, even though her eyes were still shut. He felt that surge of mischievous intent rising within him, and reminded himself that this was no time to fool around. She needed to learn how to stop much stronger things than him and his gentle prodding.

“Ready.” She told him, as if he needed permission to continue.

Each time he surged forward, he did so with more forceful intent. And so far, she’d managed to extract him every time, leaving him with a mild ache and a little more hope. But he knew this wasn’t enough. Rey had not yet mastered blocking, as she needed to do for Snoke. All she had under her belt was the ability to kick someone out, once they were in.

It would be too late, by then.

“We’re going to start moving faster.” He warned her. “You’re trying to hone your reflexes. Build that wall _before_ I’ve gotten into your head. Before I have the chance to control it.”

Her eyes opened then, first one, then another. “You’ve never tried controlling my mind before, though.” She said, as if she had been waiting for it. “When am I going to start learning how to fight that?”

Kylo’s face paled, turning ashen white with hesitation. “You don’t want me controlling you, Rey. Not ever.”

Meditation stance was abandoned as she moved forward, staring at him wildly. “Why not?! That’s what we’re here for! The entire point of this exercise is to learn how to keep Snoke from taking control of me again - if you’re not going to teach me how to fight that, then what’s the point of all of this?! How am I supposed to learn! You _promised!_ ”

Her voice had taken on a higher pitch at the end, desperation sneaking into the tone. What she didn’t understand was how dangerous mind control was; and she would never know how scared Kylo felt to take her freedom away from her. 

Just one more thing she would never forgive him for, he wagered.

He reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, holding it taut above her head. Immediately, she fought against his grip, thrashing to try and get away. He ignored the beating of her other hand, he simply stood still, staring down at her with a sharp gaze and waiting for her to _get it_.

It took so, so very long for her to realize he was trying to show her just how much she hated this. And if she hated this..

Rey’s face transformed from the rage to familiar frustration. She stopped fighting his hold, but she still hadn’t _given up_.

“What little we have working together is tenuous, right now.” Kylo said, in a voice so smooth it actually sent a visible chill through her. He was trying to be gentle, but his voice was too deep and it still managed to dig itself under her skin. “You can agree to that much. And yet I don’t want this to end. But trust me, Rey. If you let me take control of your mind, this - whatever it is between us - it will only get worse.”

“And then what?” She spat out, her arm jolting to try and fight for her freedom again even as he said it.

He let her arm go, and his hand moved instead to flatten itself against her cheek. Funny, he thought. This, she didn’t fight against.

“And then you’ll hate me.”

He spoke as if it was a fact. Rey wanted to argue that, too, but.

She sagged into the touch against her cheek, exhaustion flooding her as she considered the ramifications of what he was warning her about. Her eyes closed, and she took the time to think, to search for an answer where he found none.

“I need to trust you more.” She said. He felt the breath of her words against the meat of his palm.

“I know.”

Her eyes opened, to find him unmoved, and startlingly patient. “How can I learn to trust you, after everything that’s happened?” 

She didn’t need to say it, or even think it, to remind Kylo of exactly what specific thing she was talking about. _Han_. He could feel the hollow, jagged wound inside of him tearing open, reminding him that he had done the unforgivable. There was no honest hope of forgiveness from her, and he would never, not for a single moment, forgive himself.

He needed to earn her trust without that forgiveness, somehow. He needed to spend his entire life earning that trust.

But first. “Do you even _want_ to trust me?” His hand curled, cradling the soft cheek that had pressed back against him. When he asked her that, everything about her expression changed. The hesitation melted away, burned off in the wake of bright, searing hope. Finally, he’d asked her a question she knew she could answer. It was as if she latched on to this one single thing and placed every hope on the truth of it. Before she’d even said the word, he could see the answer shining brightly in her eyes. 

And it scared him. (As so many things about her did.)

“ _Yes!_ ” It came quick and loud, barked up at him. She was on her toes suddenly, grabbing _his_ head in her hands just so she could pull him down and look him straight in the eye. This was so important to her, so vital. To know this one thing for certain, and to rely on this being enough. “I want to trust you _so much_. That’s the only thing I know for sure anymore, Kylo. And I don’t even know if it has anything to do with you, or this war, or Hux, or even Snoke. All I know is that this is what _I_ want.”

His heart stuttered painfully. Too much, this was too much, it was filling the hollow within and easing his jagged edges in ways he couldn’t accept. He couldn’t feel himself anymore; the disdain, the self-loathing, all of his anger and rage and hatred was being snuffed out as she drowned him in that bright, all-encompassing hope. His face pinched, as the pain of losing himself to something _better_ nailed home.

He wished he could just _be_ Rey, in that moment. He wished Kylo Ren did not exist.

Her hands retreated from his face. When he remained in the same position she’d pulled him into, it was clear that something was wrong. She took a step back to look at his pained expression, and her hands lifted up to press against her lips as it dawned on her.

Too much, he’d always told her. It hurt to feel too much.

She schooled her emotions, dialing back until she could find the peace she’d collected in meditation, and when she let out a cleansing breath, she could hear the soft whimper that accompanied his loss. He was emptying, left without the overwhelming emotions that Rey had given him. When it was done, she heard him exhale, and returned to standing toe to toe in front of him. Her hands pressed on his arms, holding him firm in her grip.

“I’ll be all right.” He practically growled out, as though he knew exactly why she was suddenly being so familiar with him. “I don’t need your pity.”

Her grip tightened. He could feel her nails digging into his skin.

“You think this is pity?” She huffed out, indignant. “I’m worried about my lessons for the day. You can’t get off this easily.”

It took a few seconds before her answer reached him, and his pained face smoothed out. Then it pinched again, because he was laughing. It came in slow huffs of amusement at first, but it grew with each passing second, until it took him in a fit and he breathed out genuine, if breathy laughter. Her hands could feel him vibrating as he shook with it, and she relaxed her grip as she tried to keep her face straight. She succeeded, but only just barely; and there was no point, as he’d already caught that glint of mischief glittering in her eyes.

He breathed out a long, exhausted sigh as the laughter ebbed, and reached out a hand to run long fingers against the messy curve of her hair. Little broken hairs stood up no matter how many times he smoothed it, just as stubborn as she was.

His hand stopped at the back of her neck, and the mischievous glint in her eyes was gone.

“You need to learn to trust me.” It wasn’t a statement of fact, or a demand. Kylo was saying it as if to remind himself that their goals teetered on this one impossible deed. His expression grew dark with contemplation, as he considered it. There was no surefire way to change the deep set distrust in Rey’s heart, but there had to be something he could do. Maybe just to start.

An idea struck him. It felt foolish. _He_ felt foolish for even considering it.

“Gather your things.” He commanded, his hand slowly falling away. Every finger seemed to linger on her skin as it fell, driven to touch her just a little longer. Now she was the one whose skin was rising in goosebumps. “I want to show you something.”

* * *

It didn’t take long to arrive at what looked like a giant, empty training room to Rey. She was casing the room as Kylo worked quietly on a wall panel, programming something detailed while she had a look around. There wasn’t much to look at, really; the walls were a dingy white, clean and smooth. There were large loops hanging off hooks all over the walls, too high for anyone to ever reach without some sort of assistance. A few columns jutted up into the air, punctuating the otherwise empty landscape.

What made this room so much better to train in, than their previous one? At least that one had been stocked with weapons and exercise equipment. There was nothing here but her, and him.

She broke out into a run, trying to make it all the way to the opposite side of the room as quickly as she could before she tapped the wall with one hand and began the sprint back. His fingers stilled on the panel when he heard the frantic tapping of her feet coming closer, and he flickered a side glance at her when she arrived at his side. She was panting and red from exertion, but there was a smile on her face that told him she missed the feel of running. It wasn’t his intention to give her this open space for that, but when he focused on that smile, he could admit that it was a nice side effect.

“Are you going to race me?” She asked, still trying to catch her breath. His fingers returned to programming something into the panel when she asked, but he snuck several glances at her every few seconds before finally answering with a distracted shake of his head. She frowned at the response, and gave his shoulder a half-hearted shove. It would have worked better if the shoulder in question had been real, and not an unwavering hunk of metal.

He continued to work, unhindered, and left her to start yet another sprint down the long room. Her footsteps echoed in its wide, empty halls, and her arms rose out to either side as she ran, as if she could take off at any moment and fly.

What she could not have expected, despite this position, was that she actually did just that.

It wasn’t hard to tell the moment gravity stopped working for her. Her feet required the solid push of ground underneath them to move, and when one hard push had her vaulting upward and losing contact with the floor entirely, the act of running abruptly stopped working.

She let out a startled screech as she floated forward, her body pitching in whatever direction her last step had sent it towards, which was up and to the left. She was upside down before she saw Kylo again, still standing on the ground, unaffected.

But the more she looked, the more she realized that wasn’t quite right.

It was his hair that tipped her off. It was thick and longer than she’d realized, billowing around him like a halo. She wanted to laugh, except it didn’t even look as ridiculous as it could have. Leave it to Kylo to look good even in zero gravity.

He pushed off, elegantly sliding through the air with a control that made her want to scream. When he found her, he reached out to stop her forward motion, and stilled her until she floated upside down just in front of him. Her face was set grim with frustration as she stared at him, face to face.

“How are you doing that?” 

He rose an eyebrow, giving her an incredulous look. Did she really need to ask?

No. She didn’t. It had just taken her a minute to realize that the Force did not abide by the laws of gravity, and she was flailing in zero gravity unnecessarily. Her body stilled, but remained upside down exactly where it was. Her feet planted in the air as she found footing where none existed, and she folded her hands as smugness took over her expression.

Kylo just smiled.

“I thought it might be helpful to try some exercises out here.” He told her, hesitating before clarifying what he meant. “Trust exercises. Will you _please_ turn yourself around? I can’t take you seriously like this.”

He’d all but assured that she was going to stay in this position for as long as she could, just by saying that.

“What kind of trust exercises?” She asked him, her smile a gash so wide it looked like a frown from his vantage point. She reached out and pressed a digit to his nose, making it wrinkle with disdain.

Maybe he’d made a mistake. Instead of training, he felt like he’d just given her a playground. And he wanted to feel more upset about that. He wanted to channel the frustration and disappointment he was sure he should feel over how frivolous and light-hearted she suddenly behaved, as she hung in mid-air upside down in front of him.

He wanted to be mad at her.

He reached out and put the palm of his hand on her face, splayed out fully to cover it, then pushed. She laughed as her body rocked backward, until she felt her legs banging against his shoulder and used him to push herself off into the air.

“Rey.” He said, his voice a careful warning. “Come back here.”

“Tell me what kind of trust exercises!” She called out, her hands reaching down towards the ground to use the Force as a propellor that lifted her even higher. She wasn’t going to make this easy on him.

Kylo let out a long, exasperated sigh. He finally moved, pushing off to float up towards her. She saw him coming and shrieked, running in place as if it could make her get away faster. Instead, she stayed exactly where she was, and he slowed to catch her around the waist from behind.

“Are you going to take this seriously, or not?” He asked her, his head tilted slightly to look at her from over her shoulder. She stopped running in place, and gave him a guilty smile.

“Sorry.”

She didn’t sound very sorry to him.

“So what kind of exercise?” The question was repeated, as she pushed away just enough to give herself space. Kylo’s hand remained gripped against the side of her hip, confident that she’d burst away the moment he let her go.

“I lead you, with your eyes closed, and you trust me not to slam you into a wall. Something like that. I didn’t think very hard about this, Rey. I just wanted to try something new.”

Her lips pursed with a suspicious expression, but before he could give up entirely and head back down she put her hand on top of the one he pressed against her hip. “Anything’s worth a try, isn’t it?” She reassured, using his arm to pull herself back in. When she was close enough, she held her arms out in front of her, and her body went still. Her eyes closed, and he could feel more than see just how calm she really was about this.

She felt safe. Alone, in this room, with him. Unable to feel the floor against her feet, or anything to hold on to.

He thought about pointing this out to her, but worried that would end the exercise too soon, and smartly kept his mouth shut.

Instead, he pulled her to him and turned her to face the same direction. He aimed her for a pillar, and prepared to send her flying. “Are you sure about this? One inch in the wrong direction, one second too late, and you’ll crash headfirst.”

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at him, eyebrows perked up with sarcasm. “Nice pep talk. I feel safer already.”

He gave her a withering look, and jutted his chin forward. She acquiesced to the silent demand and resumed position, eyes closing to wait. Then, without warning, the feel of Kylo’s hands left her waist and all the safety and peace he’d felt inside of her was torn abruptly away. There was a bubble of terror rising up inside of her, and thus inside of him.

His hands returned to her waist immediately.

“Rey, if you don’t want-”

“NO.” She barked back at him, even though her heart was still beating wildly. “It’s fine. It’s just..” She bit her lower lip. “I thought you were going to lead me with your hands. So when you let go, there’s nothing left. I felt nothing. The ground is gone, you’re gone, there’s - nothing.”

And nothing, it seemed, scared Rey far more than Kylo Ren.

He pulled her back to rest against his body, and his arms swerved around into a hug. Instantly, the bubble of terror was gone. She melted against him in relief, until it was _his_ heart, and not hers, that thrummed painfully fast. He wanted this to be enough, as he held her and floated in the air. He wanted it to be enough _so badly._

But it wasn’t.

“There is you.” He assured her, his chin resting on her shoulder. “Just because you can’t feel anything physically, doesn’t mean you are not there. Focus on yourself, in the moment. Feel the Force that makes up every part of you. It’s all there, safe and untouchable - the power of a billion stars, a trillion life forces, all of it flowing through you at any point in time, no matter where you are or what happens to you. You have the Force, Rey. You’ll never be alone.”

Her eyes opened, rounding as she let the words sink in. She turned in his arms, and his head craned back suddenly as he found himself too close for comfort. She looked up at him like he’d just given her the greatest gift known to man, and perhaps he truly had. For someone as lonely as her, being able to recognize the Force like this might have been exactly what she needed.

She smiled, and it was the greatest gift _he_ could have ever received in return.

“Are you ready to try?” He said, his voice gravelly with desire.

She nodded, and then bent up to press her lips against his cheek, just like she’d done to Hux in the forest. Only this time, it wasn’t for luck. It was out of gratitude.

She pulled away before Kylo could let out his next breath - not that it was coming anytime soon. She turned, held her arms up, closed her eyes;

And nothing happened.

After many long seconds, she opened one eye and looked back at him suspiciously. “Well?” She whispered, in a valiant attempt to act as though she wasn’t affected by the moment, the way he was.

(But he knew better.)

With his next breath, he hummed thoughtfully, and finally took her by the waist. She turned her back to him, and waited for him to let go. This time she expected it, but it was no less jarring when he did it. He felt that stab of fear in her, not yet coming to terms with the truth of the Force inside of her as easily as she’d hoped. So he waited, without moving, just behind her.

And he let her settle on her own time. Slowly. In measured steps. Until he felt her sparking within, lighting up with the Force finally emerging until it was a part of her, in every sense of the word.

He closed his eyes, and he could still see her, burning like a flame of power behind the darkness of his eyelids. She could be unstoppable.

“Ready.” Her voice sounded foreign, as if someone else had taken her place; someone with that same soft timbre and strong resolve. He held his hands out, finding his own connection with the Force as he prepared himself for what came next, and when every one of her breaths matched his, he began.

She went flying, but her body remained rigid as stone. She was hurtling straight towards the wall, with no deceleration. At the rate she was moving, impact against the wall would be as fatal as falling from a tall building, and still he didn’t slow her down. It was his trust in the Force, his connection, that allowed him to do this.

Her body careened to an inch from the wall, before it abruptly stopped. Had her body not been locked in place, the sudden stop would have caused her head to slam into the wall with the force of movement. But she was safe, flat against the wall, and completely unharmed.

Most importantly, she hadn’t flinched. She hadn’t opened her eyes, or tried to fight with her own power to free herself and stop. She’d done nothing, used like a prop for what he’d had in mind, because she trusted in him.

She’d trusted in his connection with the Force.

She opened her eyes and stared at the wall, close enough to touch it with her nose. When she turned her head to look at him, her face was alight with joy. And to his surprise, he could feel his own expression lifting, mirroring that emotion coupled with a fierce pride. It was an expression she’d never seen on him before, and she suddenly lurched forward in response to it, using the wall to push herself off and swim forward towards him.

“Kylo-” She started, too excited to wait until she’d gotten to him.

“I know.” He interrupted her, already moving forward of his own power. It didn’t stop her from trying to say it, though.

“I trusted you. I _trusted_ you!” She exclaimed it like the miracle it was, her arms extending to reach for him, until she slammed face first into his chest. She felt the vibrations in his chest as he laughed, and then she was smashed against him as strong arms pulled her closer.

“Something like that.” He muttered, which was difficult to hear through his arms and chest. She crawled out of the grip he’d gotten of her, just enough to pull up and face him. Her hair was wild and free, all those little broken hairs floating like tiny rays of light around her face. And she couldn’t stop smiling.

She couldn’t stop smiling.

“Did you feel it?” She asked him, her voice hushed to a whisper that rose the baby hairs on the back of his neck up with goosebumps. He didn’t know how to answer her, because the thrill of their brief success was being slowly, but surely overridden by the thrum of _something_ between them. It gained in strength with every second he was holding her, every breath she exhaled close enough to feel against his lips.

He’d felt her trust in the Force. _His_ Force. But now, he couldn’t think of anything but how she made him feel being this close, this breathless, this _magnetic._

Kylo could see it in her eyes, the moment she realized. Before she could call him out on it, his hands settled against her waist again and he grinned the devil’s grin.

Then he spun her, twirling her without warning until he had her squealing with delight. It was so much easier to do, without gravity. She spun like a top, grasping at him in vain efforts to stop until she finally grabbed hold of his arms and clamped down on them. The world was twisting with dizziness around her, and she swayed with that dizziness and screamed with laughter. She was infectious, wrenching laugh after unexpected laugh out of his throat every time she started cracking up all over again.

Then laughter turned to giggles, giggles turned to chuckles, and what was left when it was all over would twist the mood back where Kylo had been trying to run away from. Heaving, breathing ragged and uneven, Rey pressed her hands against the top of his chest, and tried to see through the tears of her laughter in order to understand why he’d just done what he’d done.

It was easier to understand that rather than the better question, which was why she felt so perfectly comfortable in his arms. After everything they’d argued about that day, none of this made sense. At least, not logically.

Emotionally, nothing _but_ this made sense anymore.

He couldn’t seem to catch his breath as he watched her lose herself to her thoughts, and when her eyes met his again, she could have sworn she’d seen them flicker down to her lips. He wasn’t laughing, anymore.

Neither was she.

“Do you think you’re ever going to kiss me, Kylo Ren?” She said his name less like an insult and more like a title, a reminder of who he was, despite the way her fingers were clutching a little too hopefully to his chest.

When his answer disappointed her, she knew she was in trouble.

“No.” He breathed out, with full conviction. “I won’t.”

“Why?” She asked before she could stop herself. Would she even have done so if she could?

One side of his full lower lip disappeared between his teeth as he bit down on it, and his eyes wandered away from her as he questioned himself. She’d seen this face before, quite a few times. But this time, up close and allowing herself the interest, she studied the way his uneven teeth pulled that rosey lip until it turned white around the edges. When it let go, it flushed even redder than it had been before.

And she was suddenly fascinated by it.

“I don’t want to kiss you.” He admitted, making her heart unexpectedly plummet. “That’s not how this is going to go. That’s not how I want this to happen.”

“Then,” She hesitated; maybe she should have just left it there. Maybe he was right. This was for the best. They were confusing pride and joy with something else that Rey _clearly_ did not understand, nor had she ever wanted any part of. 

Until now.

“What do you want?”

He smiled, as if he’d been waiting for her to ask. “You. Kissing me. You, choosing for yourself to do this. When it’s you, and not me I feel, that’s when-”

The Force gave her the strength to surge up a few inches, just enough to amateurly plant her trembling lips against his. She’d wondered, from the moment she’d watched him bite at it just a few minutes ago, what it would feel like to kiss him. Now, she knew.

It felt like satisfaction.

She pulled away, unaware that he hadn’t actually managed to kiss her back. When she tilted her head up enough to look at him, an embarrassing snort escaped her before she could stifle it. He looked stunned, comically frozen in an expression she knew he didn’t realize he was making. If only she had a mirror..

“You kissed me.”

She snorted again at his obvious statement. “I did.”

Many more seconds passed, before he simply repeated the words.

“You kissed me.”

She pursed her lips. This was getting a little old. “Uh. Yeah. Was that.. a mis-mmph!”

It was his turn to catch her off guard as he bent down and in, finally smothering her in soft, full, _responsive_ lips. She’d gasped into it, before the power of this one inescapable moment finally began to pull her under. His kiss felt like everything else he did; powerful and overbearing, hungry, and yet always with that edge of restraint. His kiss reminded her of the way he spoke when his words hissed out through clenched teeth, or he closed his eyes and tried to keep from exploding. 

And just beyond that restraint, she could finally feel the power and _emotion_ he kept under tight-fisted control. She sought it, eased it out with the gentle strokes of her own innate power, and let him feel everything his own heart couldn’t dare accept, as long as he was still kissing her.

She was flooded with the whole of him, stemming from nothing more than one set of lips pressed against one another, and he’d only just begun to share everything inside of himself. It was almost more than she could bear. 

Almost.

His tongue licked at the seam of her lips, tickling her with its touch. When she parted them, Kylo taught her a new lesson then and there. She didn’t think it should feel so good, to have someone else’s tongue breach your mouth; but nothing had ever felt quite that good in her _entire_ life. She gripped his shoulders suddenly in response, climbing up until she was no longer bent back. She took control, relishing the new experience and performing experiments of her own. Her tongue tasted the heat of him, and when she finally pulled away, she could have sworn the aftertaste of ash was left behind.

She realized, a little belatedly, that she’d all but climbed him like a tree. She was a foot higher than him, his head caught in her hands to keep it there while she’d all but devoured him. Now, she slid slowly down, her face turning a ruddy red with embarrassment.

Rey had never realized how much she’d been looking forward to that.

And Kylo was left with a dizziness equal to that of what he’d given Rey, after spinning her around so much. The world was turning on its heel, and he had never felt so out of place.

Or so hopelessly bewitched.

The longer he waited to speak, the redder her face was getting, until she couldn’t look him in the eye any longer. She smacked him lightly on the shoulder with one hand, and huffed. “Well, _say_ something.”

Kylo did not hesitate. “You kissed me.”

Rey groaned, feeling him bounce with silent laughter, and all of the anxiety that had begun to build up over whether or not he’d actually enjoyed it slowly started to melt away. She was in his arms, comfortable and safe, floating in the middle of nowhere; and she’d kissed him, square on the lips.

There was no denying the fact that she’d wanted to. Or that she’d enjoyed it.

That did not change much, however. Including a question that began to itch at her brain, begging to be asked despite how easily it could ruin what felt like the most important moment of her life. 

She asked it anyway.

“You kissed me back.” She pointed out, to begin with. But it was the next part that mattered. “Even though… Hux.”

She waited for some kind of shame or melancholy to pass over his stark features. Instead, the thick infatuation remained glittering in his eyes, as they stared openly, hungrily, at her lips. 

“And?”

Rey’s face pinched up in confusion at his answer. “What do you mean, _and_? Won’t he care? Don’t _you_?”

In response, Kylo bent in and his lips found hers again, parting them immediately just to have another chance to taste her. His tongue was a bit brutish, and skilled enough to pull a helpless groan out of her, but it was no answer.

It felt too good to care.

When he pulled away again, a whimper left her throat. It made him smile, just a tiny thing that she wouldn’t have noticed even if her eyes were open. Then he kissed the side of her lips one more time, and whispered promises against her tender skin.

“That doesn’t change how I feel about you. How I’ve _always_ felt about you - “ She pulled away then, trying to see his face clearly, trying to argue that point, but he won’t let her. He just continued. “ - And frankly, it won’t change how _he_ feels about _you_ , either.”

Her arguments died in her throat.

“When you kissed him, in that forest, you made him feel something I never could. Something he never _allows_ himself, because he’s an idiot. Nothing has ever made me happier than seeing your effect on him. And my feelings for you won’t change how he feels. About me, _or_ about you.”

The room felt quieter than it ever had been, when he forced her to consider what he’s said. “You don’t know that.” She whispered, turning her face into his chest. He refused to let her hide, reaching out to hold her chin in his fingers and turn her back up to look at him. There was a smile, on that scarred face. A smile filled with smug content.

Because she knew, if anyone _did_ know these things, it would be Kylo.

She’d only just started giving in to these strange, foreign feelings when it came to Kylo. Now, he was trying to make her accept her feelings for Hux, too. It was too much.

And yet, the inevitable echo of her overwhelming emotions didn’t seem to be crippling him, anymore. Distantly, she wondered if he’d noticed that. She wondered why this moment was different. And she wondered what all of this meant, going forward.

The latter took the forefront of her thoughts. So she asked him. Simply, easily, despite how terrified she was of the answer.

“So what now?”

She felt the grip of strong hands lifting her up, wrapping her around until she can rest her legs against the bend of his hip bones. Her arms fell easily around his shoulders, and she realized with startling clarity that nothing has ever felt more welcoming than when Kylo has held her in his arms. Even as he cried against her, locked in his anguish, she knew she was wanted there.

Her arms tightened, and his body responded immediately, always giving her control.

“I can’t answer that for you, sweetheart.” He whispered, his breath warm against her cheek. “That’s up to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again friend-os! I think you know I had to get this next chapter going when it was already going to be reylo-centric and that trailer dropped. (I AM SHOOK FROM IT.) It just took a little push, and Kylo pushed me with that hand. RIGHT OFF A CLIFF INTO THE HELL THAT IS FANGIRLING *SCREAMS*
> 
> So yeah, enjoy this, because things are probably going to be less fluffy coming up, but IT WAS ABOUT TIME. 
> 
> Thank you guys for still sticking around and leaving comments to let me know I'm not screaming my obsession with these characters into the void!


	42. Chapter 42

In the belly of Starkiller’s main base of operations, the emergency lights were the only things working now. It was near impossible to see through Stormtrooper helmets on the best of days, but this was true blindness. They stomped forward, relying on memory to serve them until they reached the shuttles. Two squads of perfect little soldiers, in clean formation behind their captains. A neat double line of white all in a row, running no faster or slower than usual despite the chaos and near destruction of the very planet below their feet. The fear of death did not alter their step.

Not much did.

The corridors began to fill with other squads, and the less precise running of officers and laymen who struggled to get to the escape shuttles first. He could hear the scream of TIE fighters overheard as they scattered, the last batch of defense against an already victorious enemy.

Bean felt the rumbles. He knew they were lost.

As his and BO-128’s squads veered sharply around a corner, he held up a fist to signal they stop before they could run right into an agitated General Hux. His hand signal was missed, but the sound of his footsteps pausing was not. Without a breath wasted, the squads behind him slowed to a halt and held their weapons pointed upward in respect.

“ _You._ ” Bean had only expected General Hux to storm by, but he’d stopped just as they had, and pointed directly into Bean’s helmet. “And you.” He muttered, his finger moving to jab at BO-128. “With me. The rest of you, carry on.”

He’d just asked both squad captains to abandon their squads in an emergency. And there was no question. They _would_ do as he asked. Hux was already walking, storming towards a private shuttle that was being prepared just for him. He expected that the two troopers he’d chosen were at his heel.

Instead, Bean took a split second to turn and place his hand on the soldier behind him. “BN-4500, take both of these squads and find an escape shuttle immediately.”

The order was so crisp and formal. He couldn’t spare the real emotion behind his voice, the one that wanted to tell Doubles to be safe, to find him again when this was all over, to stay in contact. He could see her face behind the mask, laugh lines wrinkling around her still young eyes, blonde hair plastered away behind a cowl. He could see through the plastisteel shell, into the bright blue of her eyes, and within them the constant reflection of her children’s faces, both of them screeching with laughter.

He had no time for emotion. General Hux was waiting.

“Yes sir.” BN-4500 muttered sharply, without a single note of affection in her voice either. It was unnecessary, at times like these. They’d trained together for years, until thoughts and unspoken emotions were always implied, and always understood.

She saluted him before leading the squads down the opposite corridor, towards the escape vehicles. He could see them already taking off. He had no idea how many were left.

He turned on his heel and began to jog quickly, catching up to BO-128 and General Hux before falling in step.

Something large and terrifying exploded behind them. He only knew because he could feel the heat of fire on his back, just before the shuttle they entered closed its hatch doors.

He did not have the luxury of looking back.

* * *

The cold weather couldn’t quite reach underneath his armor. He waited, warm and rigid and lifeless, for General Hux’s order. They were landing back on the planet that he knew to be destroying itself at that very moment, and he still could not question the General’s orders. When they touched down, Hux stormed down the ramp before it was even done dropping, and stopped when he caught sight of what looked like a black and red smudge in the snow. Precious seconds passed, where the General just stood in silence, despite the world falling apart around them. Then the order came.

“Get him inside. See to his wounds. If he dies, you die with him.”

Bean’s brain fizzled into static.

It wasn’t the threat that broke him. It was the request. As he stomped forward to the body, who for all intents and purposes looked dead to him, he found his mind scrambling wildly over any kind of medical programming he’d been allotted. He knew the basics; trauma work, tourniquets, splints, but this - this was _Kylo Ren_ on the ground in front of him, with a fair chunk of his side missing.

Bean couldn’t understand how any of his organs were still inside of his body.

Nevertheless, he hefted the Commander over his shoulder, regardless of how blood would stain his armor. There was a gunshot behind him, but it wasn’t his business who the General had just slain. Kylo Ren was his charge, now. The Commanders life was in Beans hands.

He wanted to throw up in his helmet.

As he carried Kylo Ren carefully up the ramp to place him inside, he heard the soft crunch of footsteps behind him and turned in time to see BO-128 carrying a similarly near-deceased body just behind. He couldn’t see General Hux, or whoever he’d shot in the snow behind Beau. And it didn’t matter. 

He climbed into the vehicle with Kylo Ren on his shoulder, and prepared to get to work.

* * *

The flimsy in his hand was slowly being crumpled. It had one single line on it, and even that was a miracle. He didn’t really expect an answer to his query, but someone had gone through great lengths to get it for him. There was dissent in the ranks, and no one wanted to follow by the rules anymore.

So when he asked for information on how many of the First Order civilian families who’d been living in the colonies actually escaped the explosion, he hadn’t really expected an answer, but he’d gotten one.

0.

* * *

He never saw Doubles again.

* * *

Dissonance felt as destructive as Starkillers death. He saw men and women walking the halls without their armor. With their helmets off. Unshaven, unwashed, uncaring. Something more than just the Starkiller had broken down.

The remnants of the First Order had not really survived this attack.

But Bean persevered, despite the anarchy building up in the chests of once loyal men. He persevered, because they were still here. They were alive. And that _meant_ something.

* * *

He was just one good soldier.

His perseverance would not be enough.

* * *

Bean stifled a scream when the first blaster shot went off.

When he saw Hux’s pale faced reaction, he felt a little relief that he hadn’t been alone. Then he heard the shots grow in number, and the hoots, and the hollers. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t believe what he was _feeling._ The room was roaring with pride, with _life_ , and he felt that old surge of belonging for the first time since they’d lost everything. A gloved hand slapped his armored shoulder, and from behind his helmet BO-128 was grinning like a fool as he raised his blaster up.

_Join me in restoring the First Order to it’s rightful path, and know that all who fall in our march will live on in our victory. Forever!_

He saw a flash of blue eyes. Heard innocent screeches of laughter. And he felt his own hot tears burning their path down his cheeks as Hux’s words hit home.

He ripped his helmet off of his head and rose his blaster, screaming up into the air with violent abandon as he added his cries to the call.

* * *

The changes were slow, but they had huge rippling effects. No longer did he see phantoms in the hallway, but neither did he hear the straight laced rigid stomps of an emotionless trooper. His brothers and sisters became people, in slow and unsure steps. But they were people with a purpose, and that purpose drove them farther than blind loyalty ever could.

He saw individuality finally emerge in each scarred face. The corridors echoed with real conversation, with laughter, with tears. The wounds of loss hadn’t healed yet, but _oh_ , to be allowed to _feel_ them..

Bean had thought the life of a First Order Stormtrooper was everything he’d ever wanted. Now, he knew he’d never been truly alive at all until now - and every day, when he woke up without a night of voices whispering in his ear, he found a little more about this new existence to be happy about.

* * *

Bean had never felt mortification, before this moment. It was the moment when General Mitaka’s hand took Rey’s elbow, that he realized he was trying to befriend someone far out of his league. An officer, perhaps? No, someone much more important - Mitaka was treating them like a dignitary, like some kind of treasured guest.

Bean wished the floor could simply open up and swallow him whole.

He flopped down in his table and felt shoulders and elbows rubbing at him, as his new troop chuckled and teased him.

“You sure can pick them, stud.”

“I think she was into you. You should go ask her out.”

“Yeah, at least then your death will be quick.”

Someone howled with laughter nearby, and Bean sunk his head down lower. He hadn’t even really meant anything by it all, when he asked her to join them. She just seemed so lonely. So out of place. And he knew that feeling.

He knew it really well.

But now he was probably going to be transferred to a mining colony because he’d ‘hit on’ some important First Order associate. Good. Great. Whatever, then.

A hand wrapped around his arm, pulling him softly, reminding him that no, that wasn’t good. Or Great. And it certainly wasn’t _whatever_.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” A soft voice told him, patting him on the arm in comfort. “They’re just teasing you. They only do it because you react so well.”

Bean lifted up his flushed face to narrow insulted eyes at his best friend, the only other man in the trio of troops they belonged to that was the same height as him, and frowned. He wasn’t _trying_ to be easy to rile up. He just - they just - 

BO-128 - Beau - answered that terrific pout of his with an equally wide grin, the kind of grin you couldn’t stay mad at for long even if you tried. Before Bean gave in to it, he reached out and put his hand on Beau’s face, pushing it as far away as possible.

But at least Beau was right. He really hadn’t done anything wrong. As he watched the girl hurry off towards the lifts, abandoning Mitaka so easily it was almost comical, he really hoped she thought so, too.

* * *

He shouldn’t feel _protective_ over her. He shouldn’t feel protective over anyone - he shouldn’t even really feel. But the time for duty without emotion was long past, and now that he’d been tasked with keeping the Admiral and Rey safe in privacy, Bean would not let anyone go through that door. His head was cloudy, and he couldn’t think - but she was behind this door, and that was enough.

He would do his duty. And he would do it for his own reasons, now.

* * *

“Did she have a name?”

He held his helmet out in front of him and stared down at it, willing himself to imagine that same face behind the helmet that he’d seen the day he’d lost his squad. He had no pictures, no mementos of friendship. He had nothing but his armor, the same armor they’d worn, to remind him.

“Doubles.” He told Rey, still staring at the helmet. “Her kids were headed for the academy in a couple of years, so they weren’t supposed to have names either, but of course they did. Tristan and Pathia. Hellions, terrible children really. Doubles told me that Tristan came out of the womb crying and hasn’t - hadn’t - stopped since.”

He laughed, a hollow and weak sound. All he could remember was the sound of laughing, when he thought of them. He only remembered the good parts.

“And you’re sure? None of them made it off of the planet alive?”

He put his helmet down beside him and shook his head. “We’ll never know anything for sure, when it comes to that. If those kids got away, I’d rather the First Order never finds out.”

 _Confirmed 0 Survivors_ , the report had said.

“There’s always that slim chance Doubles got to them, before it was too late. Maybe they’re living peacefully on some remote planet. I don’t know. I’ll never know.”

He could hear the echo of that massive explosion behind him, as if it was happening at that very moment. He itched to turn around, even now. He was lying. He would always know their fate.

He gave Rey a crooked, half-hearted smile. “Always hope for the best.”

Her hands felt so tiny when they wrapped themselves around his fists - (when had his hands tightened into fists?) - and she clasped them together tightly. “Did you love her?” She asked, with the intonation that made him think she was actually asking _Do Stormtroopers love?_

“As much as I could. I loved my entire squad. They meant everything to me. They were my family.”

The word hit Rey too hard, and when she slid her hands away, he looked up to find her pale and disturbed. It had been the wrong phrase to use, but he’d never really understand why.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, and he’d never believed an apology more. He heard actual, heartwrenching pain in her voice, and without another word spoken between them, he knew she could feel the gaping wound in his heart that would never, ever heal.

Hux slid down to sit beside Rey, and suddenly the emotionally charged moment was over.

* * *

_“He’s sad.”_

_Rey cut Brendol off, and he heard the heartbreak in her voice. His own eyes widened. The Stormtrooper was sad. Just.. sad._

_Things really had changed around here._

* * *

Rey had convinced him to start keeping mementos. In a vial on top of the chair by his bed was a tiny little stick bearing two shriveled, long dead berries. He’d snatched it off of one of the trees just before leaving Brendol’s old home, because the entire trip had felt important to him. It was his first memento, and it lay untouched on that chair since the day he’d put it there.

Instead, he still stared into the eyes of his Stormtrooper helmet, searching for memories that only lived there. He hadn’t left his quarters since they’d arrived, and it was only a matter of time before Beau would come check on him. So, when the door finally whooshed open, he did not stir from his curled up position on the bed. He knew who it was, and why he was there.

Beau’s scarred face peeked out from behind the helmet in Bean’s hands, tilting to one side to get a look at Bean. His short, shaved blonde hair was actually starting to grow out into tight curls against his scalp, something he’d never have allowed before. He almost looked like a different person, when Bean’s eyes shifted to fall on him.

“If you start talking to it, or telling me it talks back, we’re going to have a problem here.” Beau sighed out, reaching to take the helmet away. Bean let it go without issue, so Beau put it aside and crawled up to sit on the bed. He put one hand on Bean’s forehead, and then brushed it down the length of his wavy brown hair.

“You’ve gotta eat.” Beau was done teasing him. He could hear the worry in his best friend’s voice. “I snuck in some protein cubes if you really don’t want to be around people right now. I know they’re not your favorite but-”

“I miss them.”

Beau had three cubes in his hand, frozen in mid-movement as he lifted them up to show Bean. Slowly, they were put back down onto the chair. Instead of trying to feed his friend, he shifted again until he was able to wrap himself around Bean’s oversized form, and pulled the man’s head down against his chest.

He knew who Bean was talking about.

“We don’t know if-” Beau started, but his words fell into silence when Bean shifted to press his face fully against Beau’s chest. Deep down, they both knew.

“I know.” Beau whispered, brushing back Bean’s hair. “I miss them, too.”

He rocked Bean gently, his hand keeping a constant rhythm of stroking down his hair. When he felt the inevitable shake of sobs, he just tightened his grip, and held on.

“You’re not alone.” He promised. Because that was all he had to offer. There were no words to soothe this ache, but Beau’s emptiness mirrored his own. That, at least, was something. 

“I’ve got you.”

* * *

Beau pulled the last piece of Bean’s armor into place. He reached under the shoulderpiece and snapped the attachments in, then tugged and shook it to make sure it was fully connected. When he was satisfied that he’d finished putting his friend together, he leaned over and handed Bean his helmet.

“You sure you’re up for this?” He asked, hesitating to actually hand it over.

The question surprised Bean. Since when did it matter if he was up for a mission or not? This was their job, their reason for being here. He turned to look down into the eyes of the helmet, and Beau slowly pulled it away before he could get too introspective.

“You know she’ll let you out of it if you’re not.” Beau pointed out helpfully. And he was right, of course - Rey was the one who’d suggested he accompany General Mitaka back down to the Resistance base. He could have easily said no. For the first time since he could remember, he could have actually declined a dangerous mission.

But because it was Rey who’d suggested it, he knew there was no chance he’d turn it down. She’d told him that the trooper who’d left the Resistance and found her on Jakku needed help understanding what the Stormtrooper program was finally beginning to evolve into. Anyone could have done this for her. But she’d asked _him_.

So he snapped his helmet on and turned it until it sealed shut, then patted Beau hard on the back.

“You’ll love the Resistance.” He promised Beau, hollow amusement in his voice. “Their food is shitty, but at least we won’t have to wear our armor the whole time.”

“Speak for yourself.” Beau barked back at him, right before snapping his helmet into place. Once it was sealed, he did a final safety check on his gun, and ushered Bean out of the barracks. “I happen to _like_ wearing my armor.”

“Liar.”

Beau’s gloved fist bonked Bean right on the top of his helmeted head.

It wasn’t long before their noisy footsteps had them at the hangar, where General Mitaka and Rey were both waiting for them. She looked - well, Bean couldn’t really tell exactly what the expression on her face was trying to express. Excitement? Pride, maybe? He realized he didn’t actually know what pride looked like, having seen it so infrequently. 

She couldn’t wait for them to get to her, so she took the last few steps for them and grabbed Beau by the arm.

“You’re going to love Finn.” She said, her grin wide and blinding. “He’s still quite unsure about all of this, but if anyone can convince him that we’re headed in the right direction, it’s you.”

Bean tilted his head to one side, as Beau stuttered in confusion. He’d never officially met Rey before, but he knew who she was - and he didn’t know how to break the news to her that she didn’t know who _he_ was.

“Rey?” Bean cleared his throat, and lifted his hand to gesture to her. She froze in horror when she realized she was gripping the wrong Stormtrooper, and dropped Beau’s arm as if it had scalded her. Her cheeks flooded in embarrassment, and Beau reached out to pat her awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry. We do it all the time! Sometimes even I think I’m him.”

Beau’s attempt to soothe her didn’t seem to be working, because her high pitched laughter was coming out of frowning lips and she looked like she wanted to shrivel away. Something about the reminder that the Stormtrooper armor worked too well to mask identity was clearly striking a strong, unacceptable chord with her. Bean appreciated just how important their individuality was to her, but he didn’t want her to suffer.

He took off his helmet, and gave her a quirky smile.

“Rey, I want you to meet my best friend. Beau, this is Rey. She’s amazing.”

Beau’s helmet turned a little at the easy, breathless way Bean complimented Rey. Even Mitaka seemed to favor a little cautious attention towards the dark haired Stormtrooper. But Rey, thankfully, seemed unaware.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Beau. I hope you can one day forgive me for thinking you were Bean.”

Beau laughed, in that belly jiggling way of his, warm and heart-wrenching like only he could. Bean had never known anyone like Beau, equal parts soft and deadly, until he’d met Rey. He thought they might get along even better than he did with her, if they had a chance to get to know one another.

“I’ll do my best, miss.”

“So, you two boys are going to keep General Mitaka safe from the _big, bad Resistance_ , is that right?”

“Rey, the strength of the Resistance is _no laughing matter_.” Mitaka chimed in, his perfect posture slumping somewhat. “We have no idea if they plan on keeping their side of this agreement. For all we know, I could be flying straight into a Resistance trap.”

Rey felt prickles of defensiveness rising up to the surface, urging her to remind Mitaka of which side was more likely to betray the other - but the outburst was stifled, because she was reminded of something even better. The very private reason why Rey had suggested to Hux that he send General Mitaka, and not Phasma, to continue long term negotiations on the Resistance base.

She smiled at him over her shoulder, a slow and mischievous smile that had his back straightening once more. She stepped back to stand in front of him, and settled her hand on top of his shoulder. They looked like old friends.

“You know _exactly_ what’s waiting for you on that Resistance base, General.” She put extra emphasis on the title, calling him that with no subtle measure of sarcasm. “And it’s _not_ a trap.”

Her reminder had his face turning scarlet from the neck up, and he pulled his cap down to hide his eyes under its rim. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.” He muttered, his voice stuttering as he tried to control himself. Her smile transformed into a grin, and she squeezed his shoulder.

“Of course you don’t.”

She left the poor, flustering General alone, and returned to give Bean an awkward hug. She was getting better at hugging people in Stormtrooper armor, but only just barely so.

“Keep him safe.” She whispered, taking hold of his helmet and settling it back on his head for him. When it hissed closed, she held it there with both hands and gently bonked her forehead against it. “And you stay safe, too.”

“I thought you said there was nothing to worry about!” Bean snickered out, as he pulled away and followed Beau into the shuttle. Rey waited a few ticks before finally calling out, belatedly.

“You’ll probably trip with that helmet!”

He turned around, and pulled his gun from its holster, using it to salute her as it tapped against his head.

“Haven’t tripped once. You get used to it.”

She saluted him back, and then stepped backwards to get out of the way as the engines roared to life, and Mitaka’s shuttle unfolded its wings and sped off into space. She continued to watch, her hands folding around herself tightly, until she could see the speck of the ship disappear as they launched into hyperspace.

When she searched her feelings for anxiety, she found the only worry that still tugged at her was the possibility that Finn wouldn’t listen when Bean and Beau talked. Or worse, that tempers would cause them to fight over Finn’s betrayal of the First Order. She knew she should have gone with them, just to make sure things went over smoothly. 

“You’re needed here.” A low rumbled voice told her, from just a few feet behind. Kylo was getting better at sneaking up on her, but that might have more to do with the fact there was no point when she _didn’t_ feel him, anymore. Their bond had only strengthened with every session, despite how desperately she worked to block him out. This, she thought, was a good thing. If she could manage to block out the man who felt like he’d managed to wound himself up inside of her very soul, then Snoke shouldn’t be a problem.

She just had to keep trying. 

“Getting the Resistance to trust us is extremely important.” She reminded him, without so much as a single word of reprimand for reading her thoughts. She turned fully to walk into one waiting arm, and found her argument already starting to wilt. “It’s not like I would have stayed away long.”

He turned, with her against his chest, and walked them out of the hangar together. “Your training takes priority.”

“Over the safety of the First Order? And the Resistance? Over thousands, maybe millions of people, possibly the entire Galaxy? How do you figure?”

“Because.” He muttered, pressing his lips against the top of her head. “I said so.”

Her eye roll was impressive and over-exaggerated. “Oh. Well in _that case._ ”

“And those people will always be in danger, as long as Snoke is alive. Your training works towards a mutual goal. _Correcting that._ ”

Her argument died in her throat. Without saying it in so many words, Kylo had just admitted that she was going to help him bring down Snoke, once and for all. And maybe, if she was reading him right, he’d just admitted that he _needed_ her to do it. This was no small feat - Kylo did not easily admit that he needed anyone, or anything, when it came to eliminating Snoke. But if he was saying what she thought he was saying..

She waited for him to argue. She knew he was rooting around in her head, listening to her thoughts, feeling her sudden shock. If he hadn’t meant he needed her, he wouldn’t let her get away with thinking it for long.

He said nothing.

Her heart started beating wildly in her chest.

“If you get any more excited about this, you’re going to make me ill.” He reminded her, his face pinching in distress. She grinned up at him, breathing out a long sigh of happiness before she could even begin to try and calm herself down.

He needed her to help him take down _Snoke_.

“Rey.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry!” She giggled out, grinning like a fool. “Are we going to practice now?”

“We practiced this morning.”

She fidgeted against him, suddenly anxious. “I _know_ that, but-”

The second hallway panel beeped and suddenly the door in front of them whooshed open, putting them face to face with Admiral Hux. His hands were held behind his back and he looked almost regal, until his eyes fell on the two of them. The frigid sharpness softened.

“Ah, how fortunate. I’ve been looking for you both. Do you mind if I borrow our mutual protege for the remainder of the day, Ren? I’ve got some plans I would rather appreciate her input on.”

Kylo unwrapped his arm from around Rey, leaving her to shiver at the sudden cold against the side his body had overheated with its presence. “Of course. Admiral.” 

Rey struggled not to roll her eyes again. They were playing games, even now; toying with the formality of their titles and old names, as if they weren’t interested in each other. As if Rey couldn’t feel the friction emanating off of both of them, no longer borne from hate, but instead out of desire.

These men were _ridiculous_.

“I’ll leave you to it then. Rey,” He bent his head, his hair partially covering her face from Hux’s view as he pressed a featherlight kiss against her lips. Her eyes widened to saucers when she realized what he was doing, and how casually he was _doing it._

He pulled away, his expression never changing, and licked his lips. “Until later.”

And that was that.

He moved to walk past Hux, who _hadn’t_ managed to keep a straight face through all of that, and had to pause when Hux snatched his arm with a tight grip. The Admiral looked bewildered, and Kylo looked like he was drinking it in.

The bastard.

“And just when did we become so familiar with this poor girl, that you find yourself privy to slobbering that ridiculous face of yours all over hers?”

The words did manage to break Kylo’s deadpan, finally. But instead of being insulted, he let out a sharp, genuine little laugh. To him, Hux’s bewilderment was _marvelous_.

And worth all of the insults in the world.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Kylo threw back at him, shrugging his arm away. He turned, without waiting for a response, and walked plainly down the hallway until he was out of sight. Then, and only then, did he let out another laugh.

Which Hux could _hear_ , of course.

The Admiral turned in slow movements until he was looking at Rey again, whose face was blotched in brilliant shades of red, and whose chin was struck up high, unabashed despite it all. Hux hummed through closed lips, and settled a finger just underneath her chin. He looked as though he was inspecting Rey’s lips for damage, or infection. Then he let her chin go, and her petulant look melted into something a lot closer to a smile.

Hux had never used the word adorable in any genuine meaning, in his entire life. Sarcasm had been tasked with the word at times, but rarely even then. Now, looking down at the mixture of pride and embarrassment in Rey’s cocky little smile, he realized this was the actual definition of the word. This image, as he witnessed it, was the true meaning of _adorable._

He unsuccessfully fought back a sneer.

“It seems we have even more of importance to discuss.” He held his arm crooked out in front of her, and she slid her hand just underneath his elbow, immediately taking it. “Shall we?”

She wasn’t ready for this conversation. She didn’t know if she ever would be. But here it was, and there was no running away from it now. The last piece of an extremely convoluted puzzle felt like it was only moments away from being settled in, but she had no idea what the final image would be. She gave him a firm, confident nod anyway, and let him lead her away to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, or most of it at least, wasn't really planned to be in the story. In fact someone once asked me if we'd ever find out what Bean was talking with Rey about, in the ship - and my answer was no! But recently someone sent an anon that told me they wanted more Bean, and I am VERY EASILY SWAYED :) and to be honest exploring something unplanned was actually helpful in trying to get the cobwebs out since Nanowrimo is starting and I'm trying to get the 50k done here again. Sorry for the choppiness, but I didn't want to focus TOO HARD on any moment in the past. So, enjoy this kind of one shot set in the story, and if you aren't interested in Bean and his story then I apologize and the good news is this is the only time we'll focus on him again! Also thanks to my sweet friend Gemma who let me borrow her OC, Beau. Beau and Bean have like 15 kids in my Sims 4 game. 
> 
> I'd love to talk more about Bean if you have any questions, ask me in the comments or on tumblr! Otherwise, we'll be back on track with the story come next chapter, when Rey and Hux have themselves a chat.
> 
> LESS THAN FIVE WEEKS UNTIL TLJ YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!


	43. Chapter 43

Hux’s quarters had been furnished even better than the last time she’d seen it. There were little personal touches, things that spoke of a change in him, but they were subtle enough that not even he might have realized it. A softness to every razors edge, and a warmth that complemented the old standby of greys and blacks and whites. Rey bit at her thumbnail as she looked around, taking her time assessing every individual aspect of the room. She was in no rush to start talking; nor did she want to focus too hard on the fact that the location of this meeting had been moved from his office, to his quarters. 

_More comfortable_ , he’d said. He had a feeling this would not be the short visit he’d thought it was, when he had first come to get her. And he was right, of course. Nothing about this was going to be short, or clean, or easy.

Politics and warfare were easy, to Hux. Emotions were a messy business, one best to stay away from at all costs.

Rey breathed in and took courage in knowing he was just as much out of his depth when it came to all of this as she was. Or so she thought.

“Would you like a drink?” He asked her, the first words he’d said since they’d arrived. Her head snapped up from an intensely focused gaze on the plush carpet, and her eyes fell on him, before quickly fluttering down towards the decanter he held. It was just as fancy as she would have expected from him, and the rich amber liquid within it looked inviting. But she knew what alcohol tasted like, now. Still, the loss of inhibition that it brought might be of service to her, this one time. As long as she practiced restraint.

“Just one.” She told him. His eyebrows arched in surprise. He’d expected her to decline - well, _good._ She wanted to keep him surprised. It was such a rare event when it worked.

Without a word, he poured a second drink in a crystal glass, and then plugged up the bottle. When he walked towards her with both glasses in his hands, she felt the strangest urge to take a step back. But she stood her ground, and took the glass offered to her.

“It’s my finest bottle. I’ve found good reason to celebrate, more than once as of late. The bottle itself might be finished before this war is even over, if my luck keeps up. I’ll have to acquire a whole new one just to break open on the day you two bring down Snoke.”

The hesitance that urged her to back away from Hux’s stiff demeanor was shucked away the moment he, too, acknowledged that she was part of the ultimate solution to their greatest enemy. She grinned, a bright and giddy thing, then took a sip of the drink. She waited for the burn, the inevitable coughing as it seized her throat, but it never really came. She could still taste the burn of alcohol in it, but whatever Hux had just given her was possibly the smoothest liquid she’d ever drank. Not necessarily delicious, but _smooth_. She turned to stare at the glass in wonder, and felt his pride radiating from him like warmth.

“You like it.” He hummed out, less of a question than it should have been.

“I’ve never tasted anything like it.” She replied, the genuine surprise evident in her voice. She took another sip, and gave herself a few seconds to just let the feeling of a liquid that velvety slip down her throat. “It feels like drinking liquid silk.”

She caught the brief, fleeting hint of a grin play on his features, before he hid it behind his own glass.

“Why isn’t all alcohol like this?” She put her finger in the glass like a child, swishing it around in an attempt to figure out if it felt like silk on her skin. To her disappointment, it only felt like normal, sticky wet drink.

“Because then all alcohol would be exorbitantly expensive, and no one would have the funds to manage procuring it. This bottle cost the same amount of credits that you might need to build your own TIE fighter. It’s not for public consumption. And if you recall, the kind of alcohol that is easier to come by, tastes like ash - but it achieves the same overall purpose as this one might, without the enjoyment of drinking to accompany it.”

She had taken two more gulps as he spoke, and Hux realized the smoothness of the drink was convincing her to push past normal common sense. So when she lifted the glass again, his sharp eyes watched very carefully. She stopped, just before finishing the glass off, and her eyebrows furrowed down as she thought his words through.

“What purpose?” She asked, though her hesitance told him she already knew. His clever hands reached out just under hers, sliding between her fingers until he had hold of her glass. Then he carefully took it away, as his head tilted forward with a knowing smirk. That was the only answer she’d get, but it was enough to make her nose pinch and her lips purse. His eyes flickered down to the tiny wrinkles in those lips, and the little round rise of her nose. Her charming reaction had him fighting off a smile, so he turned back to put the glasses down by the decanter, just to give him a chance to smooth his face over again.

When he turned back to her, that pleasant and distant mask of his was firmly back in place.

He held his hand out to her, palm upward. She didn’t expect to see it, so it took her a moment too long to react. She just stared at it, wary over its intention. Her hesitance had him lowering the hand without visible reaction on his face, but she certainly reacted to that with a sudden lurch, reaching out to take the hand before it was gone completely.

Suddenly she was standing in front of him, looking up to meet his gaze, with her hand pressed in his palm, unheld. He just let it sit there, for a moment.

Slowly, each finger of Huxs hand curled individually around Reys, and held her hand without any explanation of what it meant, or why he’d done it. It was - well, it was honestly frustrating. Did he expect to handle all of this without words? Because if he did, she was not afraid to ruin that for him-

He tugged, moving towards his chaise lounge, and led her to it. There, he sat down, and gestured for her to take a seat as well. She remembered a time when she’d chosen to sit at his feet, instead, and his hands had trailed against her scalp as he shared stories of his life with her. 

Now, they sat together. And it felt important. She refused to come into this naively, despite the truth of how naive she really was. She would sit there, and talk with him, as equals.

His hand never let go of hers.

“Are you happy, Rey?” He asked, jolting her out of her own thoughts with the question. She had been psyching herself up to speak this entire time, but when he broke the silence with such an innocuous question, it threw her.

Because she couldn’t immediately answer. _Was_ she happy?

“I need-”

“That’s _not_ what I asked.” Hux stopped her before she could divert herself from the question. She’d said so little, and yet somehow she could tell that he knew every self-sacrificing word that was about to come out of her mouth. His hand squeezed hers, gently. “This isn’t about what you need. I am asking you if you’re happy. If this life, and everything we have put forth upon you, is truly what you _want_.”

What did she want?

Her lower lip disappeared between her teeth. He watched it, his eyes softening with distraction at the pull of flesh held taut. He allowed himself this, because she needed time to think. He was willing to give her all of the time in the world, if it meant a chance to watch her worry away at that lip.

“I want everything, but no one can have _everything_. That’s just not how it works. I want to be here, with you, with Kylo, with the First Order. I want to be with Finn. I want to be helping General Organa. I want everyone to work together. And I want - Snoke gone. No, not just gone. I wish he’d never even _existed._ That’s what I really want.”

“Is it?” He asked, leaning back on the chaise. “I can understand why you’d think that.”

“Think that?” Rey’s voice cracked as it rose an octave. “I _know_ that! It’s the only thing I do know!” She hated that he was questioning the one and only thing she could cling to with complete assurance. Her hand tried to tug away, but he held fast, and she hated it.

“If Snoke did not exist,” He pointed out leisurely. “Then the First Order might not have existed, either. And while I can see that as a fortunate outcome for you, it stands to reason that the forces of destiny pulling you towards certain people in your life would not have found necessity in these interactions otherwise. You might not have ever met Finn.”

Her hand stilled. That was why he’d started with Finn. But by no means was he finished.

“You would have most assuredly not met me. And it’s entirely likely you would never have met Ben Solo, either. I imagine he might have turned into some kind of ambassador himself, had he not had his unfortunate interactions with Snoke.”

Despite all of this, she shook her head. “But that’s so selfish. I would never be grateful for the horrors that monster has put this galaxy through, just for the chance to meet the people I care about. And Ben would have been better off that way, too. Snoke manipulated his weakness - why would I want that?! Just to be happy myself? That’s so cruel!”

Hux smiled.

“So you are happy.” He pointed out. She could feel the heat of the blush that creeped up her neck when she realized what he’d done. She pulled her hand away completely this time, and folded her arms up tight, refusing to answer.

Hux sat up straight and reached out to press his palm against her back, soothing her with his touch. “I am sorry. I simply needed to know for certain. You see, I take great responsibility in the fact that you remain here with us, on this side of the conflict. I gave you this option, and did everything in my power to assure you stayed. And this, just as you said, was selfish. Truth be told, I’m still not convinced that you wouldn’t have been happier as my enemy. And your happiness is of utmost importance to me.”

She didn’t unfold herself, but neither did she shrug away his hand. Her eyes fell to stare unfocused at her legs, caught in deep thought as she was.

“Why?”

She felt his hand twitch on her back.

“Why do I give your happiness such a high priority?” He asked, with the slightest hint of insult in his voice. She angled her head up to meet his eyes again, struggling with the difficulty of understanding him. He wondered if she would ever stoop so low as to simply read his mind and find the answers - and then he wondered if that technique only worked as long as the person whose mind you were reading had the answers you were looking for.

Which, when it came to Rey, he found he did not.

“I don’t know why, but I always thought - I thought you probably had all sorts of private reasons for wanting me here, and I knew you were using me. It felt good to know for sure, that I would never truly understand your motive. It almost made trusting you easier, when I knew everything you did had some hidden purpose.”

The breath left Hux, and he stilled after leaning back on the chaise. It wasn’t surprise that had just knocked the wind out of him, but the power of her honesty. It was one thing to fake belief in someone. It was another thing entirely to tell them that you’d never truly believed.

She leaned in, and took his other hand in hers. They both rested between them, firmly gripped. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I can’t be sure of that anymore. Because, when you look at me, I see - more.”

“More?” He sounded like a breathless, lovesick fool. How deplorable.

“More than you mean for me to see. More than I think you realize you’re even capable of. And when you ask me if I’m happy, it would be easy for me to shrug it off as just another step in whatever you have planned for me. And if it is, then tell me. Tell me there’s nothing more than the careful machinations of a mastermind. I won’t try to figure all your plans out. You know I won’t, I never have. I just want to know.”

She took a deep breath and realized that her throat was closing up in pain. She swallowed, hard, and let his hands go. There was no point in trying to force a quick answer out of him. She knew this was a big question.

Hux searched and searched for the right thing to say, the perfect line to answer without revealing his hand. There was no question; she spoke of more, and he had nothing to give. But now, so close to the finish line, how could he simply lay out all his reasons without the threat of losing her, once and for all?

Where was that fine line between truth and lies that he always walked so expertly, now?

“You’re speaking vaguely, and I fear I can’t give you the kind of answer you’re hoping for. Not until I understand what it is that you think you see. You ask for more, but I’ve no idea what this more could be.”

His heart seized up when he saw just how unhappy his answer made her.

One of the hands she was holding - his right hand - was lifted up, until she could press it between her cheek and her left hand. It felt cold, against her skin. The alcohol was doing its job.

“How does it make you feel when I’m happy?” She whispered, her eyes fluttering closed. “Start there.”

Feelings. Emotions. It always came down to that, with the Force users. These things were not quantifiable the way statistics were. They were not as reliable as planning was. There was a strong case to have them removed entirely, which the early Stormtrooper programs had attempted to do with varying degrees of failure -

But her skin felt as smooth as his indulgent cognac and he didn’t _want_ to fail this, he didn’t want to cut his heart out and forget how she made him feel anymore.

How she made him feel.

He let out a soft, breathy snort as he caught himself trapped in his own lies.

“If you are happy, dear Rey, then all the cruelty in the world can be forgotten, just for one moment. And if you are happy by my hand, then all of my cruelty, too, can be forgotten.”

His fingers brushed down the sides of her cheek.

“Just for a moment.”

Her eyes opened, glassy and round and completely awestruck. She hadn’t actually expected him to answer her with that much intensity. Could she even say he was being honest? She knew he would never lead her on - that was a cruelty she honestly believed he did not possess. But when she thought about it, she realized this was exactly the kind of answer she should have expected from him. It made her heart clench to know he felt that strongly about her, and simultaneously it changed nothing. It was the perfect response, and she tried _so very hard_ to stop feeling so happy about it.

She failed.

That brilliant smile across her face almost broke him, when he saw it. He tore his eyes away, and her hand snapped up, grabbing him by the chin and holding his face forward until he was forced to look at her. Her smile had dimmed, but it was no less destructive to the crumbling walls around his heart.

“So.” She said, her smile never wavering. “Hux. Are you happy?”

He chuckled at the nerve of her, and used the hand she still held at her cheek to tug, hard, until she fell flat against him. Her cheek hit his chest, and she grunted from the impact. It felt like a brutish move, entirely not his style, and suddenly reminded him of the brute that shared their mutual affections. It made him chuckle, a second time.

“I’m never happy.” He said, his pleasant tone returning. “You should know that by now, my dear.”

She tried to fight her way back up to look at him, and his hand rested against her head to keep her pressed on his heart.

“But,” He hedged, to soothe her. “I seem to be able to come close.”

It worked. He could feel her relaxing in his arms, and he settled back on the chaise just to hold her, the way he’d once wished he had the nerve to do, not so long ago. It wasn’t much of a milestone, when he thought about it. Just a hold, that was all.

His heart told him otherwise, biased and treacherous creature that it was.

“Now that you seem to have wiggled your way into the chinks of my armor, might we discuss the small matter of you and Kylo advancing in your relationship? Or was his display in the hallway simply for my benefit?”

He felt her go still as she considered the best way to handle the question, before her head turned up enough to be able to look at him. There was mischief, there. She was up to no good.

“Why? Are you jealous?”

A single brow lifted on Hux’s face. Slow, and arching. He considered just what she thought to get out of such a question, before answering.

“Oh, terribly.” He wanted to breathe a sigh of relief over the strength and light tone he managed in his voice. “Of him, of course. But this is not about me. This is about you, and the beast.”

She smacked his chest with the flat of her palm. He faked injury with a quiet groan.

“It just. It just _happened_.”

“As such things tend to do.”

“ _I_ didn’t mean to feel this way. You must know that. I don’t even really know what _this way_ is, but I’m not going to just keep lying to myself when I’m around him. Something inside of me terribly wants this, no matter how wrong or confusing that might be. And I’m not going to just ignore that.”

She hadn’t meant to insult Hux’s habit of ignoring his own wants and desires, but he felt it, nonetheless.

“I hate feeling like there’s something inherently wrong with wanting to care about someone.” She told him.

“Even if he doesn’t deserve it?”

Rey caught Hux’s eyes for just a moment, then quickly looked away. The question was loaded, and dangerous. She knew he was talking about more than just Kylo there.

“Whether or not he deserves something doesn’t change how _I_ feel. That’s his burden to bear. Not mine.”

She could feel the slender body underneath her shift as he fought with her answer. He was playing at his old games, again. Searching for every feasible move and countermove for the best possible outcome in his favor.

“There’s a chance that burden will never truly be resolved. He may die still at odds with his own actions, and their consequences. What then, does this mean for you? Will you truly be able to love, for an entire lifetime, when the objective of your desire does not find peace? When you find that love was enough for you, but never enough for him?”

Rey pushed herself up until she could look at him, her eyes narrowed with caution. She was searching him, trying to read everything except for his words, but it was so difficult to find anything in the calm, smoothed out planes of Hux’s face. He let her search, because it was futile. A few moments later, she sucked in a frustrated sigh, and just locked onto his eyes.

“I don’t know what the future holds, no matter what path I choose. Even if I leave here now, there’s no guarantee I’ll have made the right choice. So I follow my heart, Hux.”

His cold gaze drifted away from her quickly. The heart. A fragile, unfaithful thing. He hadn’t followed his heart since he was a child, when he’d outgrown such frivolous thoughts. But Rey, lost in the desert with no one to teach her otherwise, still believed in its strength. And she followed it.

Right into their arms.

His hand moved of its own accord, lifting hesitant fingers until they grazed with bare touches against her collarbone, following the line of it down to where he knew her heart to be. There he let two fingers sit, and then flattened his palm out just enough to feel her heartbeat. His eyes followed his own movements, because he refused to look up at her now. Whatever spell she’d managed that had him loosening his tight restraints on his own actions would surely break if he caught a glimpse of her eyes.

“And your heart tells you that he deserves your lips.” Hux murmured, his voice thickened with heavy implication.

“No.” She sounded so strong, when she spoke. So sure of herself. It was exactly what had drawn her to him in the first place. She was always so _strong._ “I deserve his.”

That explanation felt much easier for him to swallow. She did, after all, deserve everything. If Kylo was what she wanted, no amount of his self-pity or immature temper was enough to deny her. She deserved exactly what she wanted, just like Hux felt he did. Just because they wanted the same thing did not change that fact - nor did it cause conflict, because Hux was _more_ than happy to share.

Kylo Ren was no perfect catch. He was a giant, stunning, cargo wreck of a man. But Hux knew exactly what it was to want something he shouldn’t - and the self-assurance to know that his desire for it was enough.

He understood Rey perfectly, then. And only then, since it was never meant to last.

“And yours.” She said.

He looked up just in time to realize that his focus on her heart had left him blind to every conflict swirling in her eyes. She’d been struggling, fighting with herself that entire time, and he’d missed it all. Now, the fight was over. Rey had inched closer, until she was just above and to the side of him, focused with determination on his lips. He remembered that expression once before, when she’d _almost_ kissed him in the forest. This time, with no one there to make her hesitate, he could tell there would be no _almost_.

His mouth just barely parted in a soft inhale, and it broke her focus on his lips to meet his eyes. Her gaze filled with a thousand questions, and gut-wrenching insecurity. Perhaps she thought he didn’t want this. He didn’t want _her_. Did she expect him to push her away? To deny her what she’d just told him she wanted, in the plainest sense?

She made to move away, and his hands snaked out to grip her, fingers turned white with a too-tight grip around the meat of her arms as he held her captive, keeping her from running away this time. When he realized what he was doing, his grip loosened, but he couldn’t let her go.

He should. He _should_ have let her go.

His fingers tugged and she complied, pulling her until she fell against him again, and it was enough to embolden her. She took exactly what she wanted, eyes still open as she captured his lips and showed him what it could feel like to be soft, inside. 

He was as determined as she was to keep his gaze on her, but she won that battle as well. His eyelids fluttered shut of their own accord, as he surged with an unexpected need. He felt reckless. Unhinged. The world underneath him was crumbling at his feet again and all he could do was _this_. His lips tingled with protest when she tried to pull away, and he rushed forward to take them once more, refusing to let go.

He couldn’t let go. He didn’t want to face whatever was waiting for him, when he opened his eyes and found reality ready to slap his warm, blushing face. He chose to stay there, in the safe space between their lips, just a little bit longer.

And she happily agreed.

The longer he let this little fantasy play out, the higher the intensity of his kiss continued to climb. His tongue licked along the seam of her lips and she so sweetly parted them, she _parted them_ , letting him slide inside of that sweet little mouth until he’d explored it to completion. She’d climbed up on top of him, her hands pressed against his cheeks with a possessive hold that made him groan. There was no fighting against the meticulous way she wanted to pick him apart and find every little hidden piece of him that she desired for herself. And he didn’t even bother to try. Not now. Maybe not ever. Her fingers reached up to lose themselves in his hair and _grab_ , and _pull_ , and he _bucked_ -

Hux was pulled away from her glistening lips and took a great big gulp of air as she tugged his head back, kissing down the length of his jaw. His eyes had gone glassy, almost unseeing as they stared up at the ceiling. He sought for clarity, for any shred of thought, but every time he thought he’d found his sanity, her lips would find a new spot on his neck and he was _lost_.

It took Rey, who was still so impressively in command of herself, to finally slow to a halt. She kissed the juncture of his high collar and his neck, then rubbed her face against it and finally, _finally_ stopped assaulting him with those unquenchable lips. 

Every warning inside of his carefully constructed mental facade was blaring wildly at what had just happened. Screaming to declare, at least to himself, that this was all about sex, about wild untamed passion, and nothing more. He struggled at his loss of control. It was infuriating.

Or it would be, if he could feel anything past the beating heart roaring inside of his chest.

She was kissing him again. Just little pecks through the cloth of his high collar, so soft they felt like an apology. He wrapped his arms tight around her and pulled her back against him, turning his body so that she was trapped between him and the back of the chaise lounge.

She didn’t seem to mind.

“Wild little minx.” He growled, with a playfulness that had her eyes widening in surprise. “You seek to tame me.”

“Not tame you.” She sounded so small, piping up from the nook of his arms and the sofa. “Just be a part of you.”

He breathed in a sharp gust of air when his heart stuttered at the thought. Somehow, that sounded a thousand times worse. He pressed his chin against the top of her head, and closed his eyes.

“You will not always like what you see. That will never change, Rey. I hope you know that.”

She fell quiet as the words slid home, reminding her of their conversation from earlier. If she expected Kylo or Hux to become different people just because she wanted them, she would always find herself disappointed.

And she needed to understand that. Even she knew that.

“I will remember.” She promised, because that was all she could do. She knew there was an uphill battle ahead, for her. If she really, truly wanted this - wanted _them_ \- it wasn’t always going to be easy.

So she needed to be sure that it would be worth it.

And just like that, Hux felt the careful walls he’d spent a lifetime building up around him begin to climb back up, brick by brick. She wanted them, and she could have them - for as long as fate saw fit. But the idea of laying himself out bare and exposed just for her to realize, later on, that this wouldn’t work after all, sounded preposterous. Better to be safe, than sorry.

A tiny voice inside of him whispered scandalous truths about how easily she always fit through the cracks, and he stifled it down just as he did the rest of his emotions. This was safe. He was sure of it.

He reached out and took her hand, lifting it to his lips. He kissed the back of it, and then let it rest against his cheek again. Where he felt it belonged.

“What say you now? Could you answer me, if I asked you if you were happy?”

She lifted her head as a smile transformed her features, crinkling the corners of her eyes and the middle of her nose. The tip of her tongue just barely stuck out between her teeth, begging to be kissed. He tried not to stare too hard at it.

“There’s no question. I’m definitely happy. But I’m also terrified.”

He quirked his head to one side, and all the hair she’d mussed when she’d grabbed it flopped in an appallingly disheveled manner. “Whatever of?”

Despite speaking of fear, she couldn’t quite manage to wipe the smile off of her face. She nestled up beside him, reminding him of the jealousy he’d felt when she’d done the same to Kylo, so many times before. And the jealousy Kylo had felt, when she’d fallen asleep in Hux’s arms.

The girl had them both wound so very tightly around her pretty little fingers.

“A lot of things, actually. Explaining this to Finn, for one. And also, I can’t let my feelings for both of you get in the way of my job. I am here to save lives, and stop this war. I’m not here for either of you.” She patted the cheek she’d been holding. “But you’re a very nice benefit.”

He gasped, feigning overdramatic shock. “I feel _scandalized_.”

Her hand moved from his cheek to his mouth, covering up that silly gasp. “And I’m scared of other things. Like Snoke using me against you. Or vice versa. If he finds out about this, it’ll only put you in more danger.”

He kissed the palm against his mouth, and it moved away. “My dear, sweet Rey. I can assure you, I have already achieved the highest level of danger I could possibly be in. I daresay Snoke wants me dead even more than either of you. Our current state of affection will have no effect in this matter, be it negative or otherwise.”

She fell silent, and he bent his head in to try and catch her eyes. “Anything else?”

There was. But she suddenly looked too uncomfortable to talk about it, and Hux was nothing if not obliging. So he let it go, choosing instead to give her an escape.

“Well, if it helps, I’m burdened with fears of my own. Most predominantly, the fear that once Kylo is made aware of our little arrangement, he will never let me live this down.”

She took advantage of his offered distraction and clung to it with a smile. “Live what down?”

“Why, the fact that I actually _do_ care for you, my dear. You can’t be surprised to hear that I’ve been fighting these allegations for quite some time when it comes to him. He has been certain of my weakness to your whims this entire time. I was not so sure.”

“I’m not a weakness.” Rey pushed up just a bit, her hair cascading over one shoulder when she tilted her head. “Not yours, not his. If I was, then I wouldn’t want this anymore. So.” She paused there expectantly, eyebrows raised as she waited for him to say it.

And he did. Because she wanted him to.

“Not a weakness.” He agreed. “If anything, you are a strength. You’ve given me so much to think on in our time together, and you’ve influenced me in various ways. I think you’d even consider them _good._ So, certainly not a weakness.”

She smirked, satisfied with his answer. He pressed two fingers against the tilted lips, and felt them pucker for him. It thrilled him so easily. Just the feel of one kiss against his fingertips.

He felt weak.

“But you know our boy.” Hux reminded her, his voice hoarse with longing. He cleared it before he continued. “He lives to tease.”

Her face turned a brilliant scarlet, redder than he’d ever seen before, and he could tell she knew other ways Kylo enjoyed teasing, also. Poor, sweet girl.

“I suppose we’ll have to tell him eventually.” He murmured, sounding a little disappointed. “I doubt you’ll want to keep this our dirty little secret.”

Obviously, she did not. “I could tell him.” She offered.” Then he won’t be able to tease you. Would that help?”

“Nothing will save me from this inevitable fate, but I assure you I would suffer through a lifetime of his teasing if it meant having you.” His voice was smooth, and effective - Rey’s blush was all for him, now. He wanted to kiss those warm cheeks, but he knew it would just make her embarrassment worse. So he brushed his fingers over her lips again, tapping them as he considered other options. With a soft hum, he stopped.

“If I killed him for being too smug, would you ever forgive me?” He asked it as casually as if he’d just asked her for the time. She pursed her lips at him, one eye closing in mock suspicion.

“Never.”

“Drat.” Hux muttered, pulling his fingers away to snap them. Then he leaned in, intent on capturing her lips in a kiss, and breathed out his next words against the plush, reddened skin. “Foiled, again.”

She responded so easily, drinking him down like the ever-thirsty desert dweller she had always been, and he felt that same sense of loss as he had the first time she’d taken him. This time, the world _did_ crumble, leaving him with nothing left to stand on.

But oh, how thoroughly he enjoyed the fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHAMELESS REYUX AHOY
> 
> DON'T YA JUST LOVE NANOWRIMO MONTH
> 
> (I just got battlefront II though uh oh will I make it)
> 
> Snoke is sitting there like hey uh is anyone ever gonna get to dealing with me or what and me I'm like _new fic who dis_


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING FINALLY AM I RIGHT.

When Rey woke up that next morning, there was a message waiting for her on the dashboard by her bed. It blinked expectantly, its steady light telling her nothing more than the fact that someone wished to speak with her.

Her heart started to race just a little bit as she tried to guess who it might be. There were less anxiety inducing answers, of course; Mitaka with an update on how the negotiations were working out, or perhaps Finn just checking in to tell her he’d talked to Bean. Or maybe it was the quartermaster letting her know the parts she’d requested were finally here. 

But deep down, there was a part of her that knew (hoped? dreaded?) it was one of two people.

So when she answered the hail and the clipped accent greeted her, she assumed the answer was Hux.

“I’ve been waiting all morning for you to wake up.”

Her eyes widened just a little bit. Was this really all it took to fluster her? Her skin felt warm, and she pulled her covers up until they covered everything but her eyes, as she stared at the blinking com system. Just the idea that Hux was thinking about her did _something_ to her that she still didn’t understand.

“You were?”

“Of course! I need to speak with the three of you very urgently. Good news, I promise! I’ve already called for Kylo and Xander, they’re on their way to my room. Can you meet us there?”

All the warmth in her bled away when she realized just how ridiculous she’d been - this was Brendol, not Hux, who’d hailed her. She groaned, and pulled the covers over her head, as if that could hide her from the embarrassment.

“Rey?” He said, his voice gone quiet with worry. “Are you sick? What’s wrong?”

It took her a moment to realize that he was asking this because he could see her, plain as day, and what she was doing in that moment did look like she’d turned ill. She pulled off the covers and tried not to think too hard about how _Brendol could see everything_ before answering.

“Not sick. Just not a morning person. I’ll be there in a few minutes, I promise.”

She absolutely was a morning person, and she hated lying to Brendol, but she certainly wasn’t going to explain herself truthfully. He didn’t need to know she’d thought he was his brother. Nor did he need to know why that would get a rise out of her - 

.. unless he already knew. Which he probably did. That sunk in slowly, and made her turn her head down into the pillow to suffocate the red, heated blush.

“All right.” Brendol replied warily. “See you then.”

The blinking light dimmed and shut off, leaving Rey alone to her thoughts. 

And in the silence of her room, there was suddenly a lot to think about.

In the span of two days, she’d kissed not one, but two people. These kisses may have started as the whims of curiosity, but they’d gone far and beyond something so innocent and unproblematic. Even now, she felt the parts of herself that were irreversibly intertwined around the fates of both Kylo and Hux. She felt them tug at her heart, pulling her towards them as if her heart knew the way better than she did. 

And that wasn’t very hard. She didn’t know what she was doing, at all.

She got up out of bed and got dressed, shrugging her grey jumpsuit on and zipping it up. She ran her fingers through her hair, grabbed three hairties, and decided she could do her buns while she listened to whatever Brendol had to say. Then she rushed down the halls, hopped in the lift, and headed for the meeting.

But as she traveled on the lift, new thoughts began to nag at her. She found herself at a loss to how she would react when she saw these men. Would things be different, now? Was she supposed to kiss them hello, anytime she saw them? Was a hug customary, or some kind of affectionate glance? How would she even begin to navigate the maze of relationship status with either of them?

Her chin stuck up stubbornly when she realized just how much time she was giving to these frivolous thoughts. This was _ridiculous_. She was making mountains out of molehills, and there were far more important things to spend her time thinking about. If either of these men thought she was going to act any different around them just because she’d kissed them, well - well - she would just have to show them how things worked.

Her shoulders sagged. Her. Showing them how things worked. _What was she thinking?_

The lift doors opened, and she stomped out with noisy bootfalls, reminiscent of the way she used to hear Kylo storming through the halls. When Brendol’s command room door opened, all three men were turned looking at the door with mixed expressions. Kylo looked worried, and Hux seemed slightly bemused. But Brendol.. It was his expression that caught and held Rey’s gaze.

He sat at the console chair, fully turned in her direction, with a smile so smug that she knew instantly he was the most knowledgeable man in the room. He was smirking right at her, and that smile stopped her right in her tracks. Her face blossomed in a flustered, angry blush.

There was a quiet click as Hux unholstered his gun from the leather pouch he kept it in, under his cape. Brendol’s mechanical eyes whirred as they flickered directly to where his brother held his hand meaningfully on the top of his pistol, and immediately held his hands up.

“Lighten up, Xander! I haven’t even said a word yet!” He chuckled out, despite being in clear mortal danger.

“Let us hope that trend continues.” Hux replied, casual as ever. His hand left his side, and he turned to give Rey a small smile. 

She hadn’t actually made it inside the room yet, so he gestured with a finger, curling it inward towards himself. “Good morning, my dear. Brendol has promised me this is news of the utmost importance.”

And just like that, Hux had taken all of the pressure off of her. There was no need for awkward greetings that may or may not include affection. There was no need to worry that she was doing something wrong. She stepped in and stood beside him, glancing at Kylo across from her. When he met her eyes through his own hooded lashes, his lips tilted up in a tiny, but meaningful smile.

And that was that.

“What’s happened?” She asked, pulling away to give her attention to Brendol. Smartly, the man had turned towards his console. She could tell he was bringing up one screen in particular, by the way the monitor was slowly coming into focus.

“I’ve had an idea. And I believe it to have a 73.4 percent chance of succeeding, which is an extraordinary probability rate when considering the factors involved are almost uncountable themselves-”

“ _Get to the point._ ” Kylo growled out impatiently. It made Rey breathe a tiny sigh of relief at the sound of his gruff, sharp voice. She found it comforting to realize that not very much had actually changed, in the past few days. 

“Rude. But the point is, I have a surprisingly non-violent solution to your problem with Snoke. At least, the ultimate problem - putting him out of commission. And it’s all thanks to Rey here. She’s the one who was clever enough to bring a Force-toxic plant onto our ship.”

“A _what_?” Both Rey and Kylo asked, at the same time. Hux, to his credit, seemed unmoved; but Brendol knew better. All his brother had needed were those two words, and already there was a vicious glint of understanding in his eyes. He seemed almost _excited_.

The screen had finally zoomed in enough to take in the sight of Rey’s plant; the container that held it was nearly full to burst with its still-growing branches. She hadn’t gotten a chance to take care of it, since she’d spoken to Brendol last. It looked like she’d let it grow far too big for its container.

And now she realized that was a _very real problem._

“What exactly does that mean?” She asked, walking towards the screen with slow steps as her eyes focused wide on the plant in question.

“The Calaver is a plant I’ve never actually seen in real life before, but I’ve read about it quite extensively. It was used in an ancient poison that the original Sith culture had created, as normal weapons were no longer effective against those of their kind who wished to rebel against their ways. How it works is unknown, but I believe it seeps the very essence out of a living being. For a Force user, that essence is often what affects their ability to control the Force. For the Force-blind or for a weak creature, that tends to take their very life. After all, the Jedi believed that the Force makes up everything around us, whether we were Force-users or not. In a way, this plant proves them right! And in another way.. It’s just extremely deadly to anything that lives.”

In her memory, Rey saw a flash of the curled up creature she’d hidden behind some rocks. She’d known her plant was toxic. She’d seen it at work. What she hadn’t known was what level of toxicity it had been - or perhaps, more importantly, how _specific._

“If I had touched that thing with my hands, I would have lost my connection to the Force?” She whispered, her arms curling into herself. She could feel movement behind her, and suddenly Kylo was there, a soft wall of understanding for her to lean back on.

So she did.

“Well, that remains to be seen. You see, this is all theory based on ancient writings. There is no actual proof that this would work - and if it did, it may only just be another kind of poison, and have nothing to do with the Force at all.”

“Why does that matter?” She asked, her head falling back against Kylo’s chest. She felt a rumble, as he breathed in to speak, so she looked up at him.

“Because normal poison won’t work against Snoke. He’s too powerful for that now. Too powerful for any weapon. He’s untouchable.” He said this, but the despair in his voice was missing. He saw the merit in this idea, and he, too, was starting to feel the terrible sting of hope.

“Which means you would need to make him touchable in order to effectively disable him. And his power comes from the Force. What better way is there than to simply take that away?”

It all sounded simple enough.. but when Rey looked from one face to another, she still saw hesitancy and trepidation. She waited, but for quite some time no one spoke. Finally, she piped up.

“So what are you suggesting? We feed it to him? Slip it in his morning meal? Or just throw a piece of it at his face and hope for the best?”

Brendol grinned at her, wide and toothily, clearly enjoying her ideas. “Not that I wouldn’t love to throw things at Snoke, but the poison must be administered at its most potent level. That means a liquid, injected directly into the bloodstream somewhere where it will travel to the heart before he can stop his own blood flow and remove it from his system-”

“He can DO THAT?” Rey’s voice took on another octave as Brendol casually discussed what sounded like the impossible. He shrugged, and looked up at Kylo for confirmation.

“I can’t say.” Kylo murmured. “But Brendol is right to find the most effective option. It needs to be injected straight into his heart.”

Rey’s hand rubbed at the hard plate of bone covering her own heart, and tried not to think about the mechanics involved in such a feat. “That doesn’t sound very easy. I doubt we’ll be able to catch him in his sleep. So how do we even get close enough to do that? Won’t he feel us coming?”

Brendol went quiet. This was why he’d told them he’d found an ultimate solution, but not everything. His teeth worried at his lower lip, as his eyes turned to watch his brother think. Slowly, both Kylo and Rey turned their gazes to do the same.

Hux hadn’t even noticed that the room had gone quiet as they all waited for him to come up with a plan. He was too busy doing _exactly that._

“Getting to him will not be the issue. He wants us there,” Hux pointed out, as he began working through the problem aloud. “We can get to him. Actually getting near his body is the most difficult issue. Perhaps if we could restrain him, just for a moment or two.. it would involve some rather impressive Force work. From both of you. Ren, would something like that even be possible?”

Kylo had the most experience with Leader Snoke. He knew, more than anyone, what the extent of his powers might be. So he took his time to consider the possibility, his expression twisting in despair.

“Not alone. With Rey.. I can’t say. If we continue to train, perhaps, there’s.. a chance.”

“My calculations only extend to the poison working on Snoke, not your ability to get it into him.” Brendol pointed out, not that anyone asked. “I just wanted to point that out!”

Hux gave him a withering glance, before he continued. “If you can restrain him long enough to get to him, I can plunge the damn thing right into his heart-”

“Ah.” Brendol interrupted his brother with a sharp sound, holding a finger up. Hux turned his head, very slowly, back to look at him.

Rey had never seen anyone ruffle Hux as easily as his brother did. It was - impressive. 

“What.”

“That won’t work. You see, if your two Force users are using all of their power on restraining him, there will be nothing to stop him from entering your mind. And if he enters your mind, you might as well think you’re injecting him for all it matters - you’ll probably be laying there, drooling on the floor. So.”

“So?” Hux huffed out, frustrated at how easily Brendol had plucked his plan into pieces. “What do you suggest? A droid?”

“Droids would be too slow. You’d never get it in him in time, and you can’t account for some kind of technical failure. It’s too risky.” Brendol said all of these things, but there was a smile on his face as he said them. Rey realized it a moment later, and began to pick up on how positive Brendol seemed to act, despite giving some fairly negative news. 

“We need someone whose mind Snoke can’t touch.” She breathed out, as she began to understand why. Brendol turned to look at her, and his smile brightened.

“She’s such a clever girl. I really can’t blame you for falling for her.”

The mood in the room instantly shifted. Everything that had felt comfortable was all at once awkward, and tense. Rey could feel Kylo’s body stiffen behind her, and everything about Hux’s demeanor had turned to ice, rigid and cold.

Brendol was a brilliant man, with a powerful mind. But taking his brain apart had clearly left him without a single social skill left to work with.

“You’re suggesting you come with us to infiltrate Snoke’s current location, and administer the poison yourself.” Hux huffed out, refusing to rise to Brendol’s bait. “When I have explicitly promised I would not put you in danger any further if you came here. This is - without question - the absolute most dangerous situation you could ever ask for, Brendol. You realize that. Don’t you?”

Brendol sat back in his seat, his eyes unfocusing noisily as he considered exactly what his brother was saying. He didn’t want to go to war, anymore. He didn’t want to kill, or fight, or die. He’d taken each and every memory of his past life that included the horrors of warfare, and put them in the disk around his neck, just to keep the nightmares away.

But they still came. Vague, hard to understand - but always there. Faceless death was always there to greet him in his dreams.

His eyes zoomed back into focus, lifting to look at Hux once more.

“But I’m the only one who can do it.” He breathed out, the fear easily audible in his voice. “It doesn’t matter what I want. It has to be me. So it will.”

“We can figure out another way.” Hux sounded like he was honestly searching, wracking his brain for some way to keep his brother out of harms way. For all the hostility, the loathing, the frustration that Brendol managed to incite in him, Hux was still trying to keep him safe.

Rey looked up at Kylo, her eyes catching his in one single moment. A secret between them, one that made her smile.

Hux still loved his brother. Despite it all.

“With time, I’m sure I can-”

“It _has_ to be me.” Brendol repeated, cutting his brother off again. “And that’s that. Go spend your time thinking about how you’re getting us to him, because that’s the part that only _you_ can do.”

With astonishing speed, Hux surged forward and pointed a finger up, an inch from his brothers face. There was rage spread on his expression, a deep curl of it that lifted his upper lip and showed his teeth.

“You will not _tell me_ how to do my job. I will consider _both_ obstacles mine to overcome, and I will do so without _your_ direction in the matter. Is that _clear_?”

Brendol could have been mad at Hux’s ire. He could have been scared to see his brother so worked up. He could have been just cruel enough to try and spur him on, as he often did.

He did none of these things. He just kept his gaze focused, hard and resigned, on his brother. Then he nodded.

“Good.” Hux hissed out, his hand falling. “Is there anything else to report?”

“Nothing you don’t already know. I’m still searching for him. He’s very slippery.”

Hux backed away from his hunched position, where he’d bent in to get in his brother’s face. He smoothed his hair back into position, and then adjusted his sleeves to perfection. He was trying to put himself back together, piece by piece.

 _I like him better when he’s angry._ Kylo’s thought passed through Rey’s mind, like a gift. He’d meant for her to hear it, and she smiled when she did. She didn’t necessarily agree with him, but she had to admit it was an impressive, and _intriguing_ sight.

“Well then. You’d best get back to work. We’ll leave you to it.” Hux’s voice had become clipped, as if he was trying too hard to remain unfettered. He turned, nodding almost imperceptibly to the two Force users as he passed them, and then made for the door.

“Good luck, Rey.” Brendol called out, before Hux could escape. “You’re going to _need it_ with a man like him.”

Hux stopped short in mid-step.

 _What does he mean by that?_ Kylo slipped the question into Rey’s mind, and caught the cringe before she could hide it. He snapped his head up, his eyes narrowing at the top of Hux’s head.

“Ren. Rey. My quarters. Fifteen minutes.” Hux never turned around. He spat out the order, and then continued his dramatic storm out of the room, leaving them alone with a smug, giggly Brendol. The moment the doors closed, Kylo turned to look down at Rey, wide eyed (and heartbreakingly hopeful).

“What is going _on?_?” He asked breathlessly. In front of him, Brendol stopped giggling.

“Whoops.” He whispered. “Was that still a secret?”

Rey knew, without looking, that she’d gone through several different stages of blushing until it finally landed on anger. She turned to Brendol, and bent down to him much in the same way Hux had.

“That was _rude_ , and _uncalled for_ , and - and - I thought we were friends! Was it really worth it to ruin that, just to piss off your brother after he openly admitted he was worried about your life? Was it?!”

The giggles were gone now. Brendol looked good and contrite, going so far as to reach out and try to take Rey’s hand. She snapped it away from his grasp before he could even touch her, and he knew he’d royally fucked up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you - I shouldn’t have said anything - I just, I don’t know when to shut up. I’m sorry! Rey, really. Truly, honestly - “

She turned away before he could finish grovelling, and stormed forward, to grab a very bewildered Kylo by the hand. She pulled him away towards the door, but stopped before they left completely when Brendol called out her name in a broken voice, one last time. She took a few moments to think on it, before turning around. Still angry, she pointed and waggled a finger at him.

“I’ll think of some way you can make it up to me later. You’d better do it, or else!”

He rose both of his hands up. “I promise. I really do. I _am_ sorry.”

The final apology seemed to soothe her somewhat, but by no means did she look happy. She still had to deal with the aftermath of what Brendol had just done, and she was holding the aftermath in her hand. She nodded, and then left Brendol alone as she dragged Kylo down the hall.

“Are you going to explain to me what in the hell just happened?” Kylo growled out, a little miffed that he was being ignored even as she lugged him along.

“Yes. Of course.” She huffed out, a little out of breath. “I just wanted to do so on my own terms, not someone elses. But here we are.”

Kylo tugged on her hand, pulling her back towards him to stop her from walking away. She fell into the crook of his elbow, and then righted herself as he pressed a hand to her cheek.

“Where is _here_ , Rey? What happened?”

She could see so much in his eyes, more than she thought she could ever feel in one moment. He was so confused, so frustrated, but still there was that little glimmer of _hope_. She wanted to give in and tell him everything.

But not without Hux.

“I’ll explain everything.” She told him, turning her head to kiss his palm. “I promise. In Hux’s quarters. Is that all right?”

He wanted to argue. He wanted to know _now_ , without another second to wait. But he could see how important it was to her, and there was never any arguing that. He bit his lip, and then reluctantly nodded. After all, she’d just kissed his hand, and that left him with no desire to argue.

He brought the hand she was still holding, up to his lips, and kissed it in return before breathing his agreement into her skin. “All right.”

It would be so easy, to fall into the moment. She felt like she was slipping when she felt his lips against her skin. She wanted to get up on her tiptoes and beg him for just one kiss, as if that would give her the strength she needed to deal with the coming conversation. But as soon as her toes clenched and prepared to lift, she realized that it wouldn’t stop with just one kiss. It wouldn’t stop at all.

They’d never even make it to Hux’s quarters. And that sounded like a very pleasant escape, but an escape nonetheless.

She let out a sharp sigh, and smiled regretfully up at him. At least she could wrap her arms around him in a hug, taking heart in how it felt to be enveloped back into his arms. This, she thought, would be enough for now.

She nestled her face into the fabric of his tunic, and then pulled away, to lead him hand in hand down to Hux’s quarters.

* * *

“It was a mistake to bring him here.”

Those were the first words out of Hux’s mouth, when Rey and Kylo entered the room. For a split second, Kylo’s heart spasmed in fear that he’d meant himself. That, coupled with the feel of Hux’s consuming anxiety, froze him where he stood - but Rey squeezed his hand, pulling his attention away just long enough to find some tiny modicum of peace. She shook her head, assuring him without words that Hux wasn’t speaking about him at all; she could tell by the way Hux was pacing the room, wearing a path into his expensive rug, that his mind was focused on only one thing. His brother.

“Of course he is a valuable asset. And yes, I know what you’re both thinking -” (Neither of them had been thinking anything, at the time.) - “We would never find Snoke without him. And we would never have known about the plant. I know. I _know_ that. But this plan of his is doomed to failure, all his statistics be damned. He cannot be allowed to go up against Snoke. I forbid it.”

Hux’s voice cracked. The sound of it made Rey suck in a sharp gasp, utterly floored by how easily this concept had broken down the man they were used to, leaving him much more human than he’d ever allowed anyone to see before. She let go of Kylo’s hand, and took quick steps to intercept Hux’s pacing. He barely managed to keep from bumping into her, but she wouldn’t have cared if he did.

Seeing Hux care about his brother like this was possibly the most important discovery about the man that she’d ever experienced, so far. She reached up, and put her hands right on his cheeks. His expression tensed in suspicion, before her touch eventually managed to soothe him back down again.

She didn’t have to say a word. In the silence between them, as he searched her eyes for answers and found nothing but pride, he realized it was fruitless to fret about this predicament. It had always been fruitless. There was no point to fretting, now. If he didn’t want his brother in the line of fire, he would have to figure out some way to keep him _safe_.

And at the very least, there was a fair bit of time to come up with some kind of plan. Rey’s training, the negotiations with the Resistance, and Snoke’s whereabouts were all long term obstacles that needed to be dealt with before he had to worry about Brendol trying to be a damn hero.

All of this, he realized on his own, just by looking into her gentle eyes.

He rested his hand on top of one of hers, and patted it gently in gratitude. “All right.” He assured her. “You’re right, of course. I’m sure I can figure something out. Eventually.”

Rey smiled. She hadn’t said a single word.

His hooded eyes and his thoughts turned towards the hulking black elephant in the room. There were more pressing matters at hand, it seemed.

Like the way the man was breathing heavily, lip bitten red with impatience as he watched Rey and Hux have their little moment and tried desperately not to demand answers.

“In the meantime.” Hux sighed out dramatically. “Put the poor boy out of his misery, won’t you?” He turned away, reluctantly tearing away from Rey’s warm hands to go pour himself a drink. He had promised her he would be there for this, but by no means was he going to be the one to _do_ the damn thing. That was asking too much.

Kylo started, a single long step towards Rey, before she could even turn to him. Her chin jutted up, taking on that note of stubborn willfulness that always looked so good on her. She looked like she was preparing to rip a band-aid off, and Kylo wanted it no other way.

“I spoke with Hux yesterday. About - the things we talked about.” Hux tilted his head over his shoulder when Rey admitted that she’d spoken to Kylo about things involving him, but he did not stop pouring himself that drink. She continued, in a rush of breath. “And you were right. About both of us. So. I kissed him. And that’s - that’s that, I guess.”

Kylo was suppressing a smile. “That’s what?” He asked, failing to keep the humor out of his voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She opened her mouth to answer, and then shut it when nothing came out. Opened it again, shut it again. Because what _was_ it supposed to mean? What was any of this supposed to mean, when it came to the three of them? And why was she the one left to answer, when she had no idea herself? She turned to look at Hux, who’d finished making himself a drink and was leaning against a desk, watching her fluster. His eyebrows lifted over the edge of the glass as he took a long, long sip.

She wanted to slap them both.

“If neither of you are going to take any of this seriously then I suppose it means _nothing_ , and you can both go to hell!” She shouted out, her foot nearly stamping on the floor. Kylo’s smile finally appeared, and he grabbed her quickly before she could storm out in a huff of anger and resentment. He lifted her off of the ground until her face was at level with his, and grinned in satisfaction.

“I might not look like it, but I’m taking this very seriously. So you’ve kissed us. That doesn’t mean you’re indebted to us, Rey. I want to know what this means to you. To both of you. Because I only know what it means to me. And I can’t take your answers based solely off the way you feel. I need to hear it. I need to hear the words.”

She lifted hooded eyes up to meet his gaze through her lashes, and her expression pursed and pinched out of frustration. “I don’t know the words.” She admitted, feeling a punch to her ego for having to say that. “I’ve never felt this way, before.”

Neither had she ever had someone in her life to teach her just what it meant to love someone, or want them, or desire them - not like this. Kylo had spent a lifetime in the shadow of one of the most passionate (and dysfunctional) love stories the galaxy had ever known. 

Rey had not.

Hux was not nearly as bad, but his parents loveless marriage hadn’t helped his own understanding of romance much. The only real love he’d ever experienced came at the hands of his own brother, and his birth mother. And even then, they were fleeting moments at best. Still, he was sure he understood love, and how unimportant it truly was. And without question, he understood desire.

Rey understood neither, despite being thrown so suddenly into a situation where she felt both.

“What does this mean to you, Kylo?” She asked, curiosity winning out over shame.

Hux put down his glass on the desk, and pushed off to join them, moving to stand behind Rey while Kylo answered.

“I want to be with you.” The words sounded so simple, when he said them. Still, the inflection, the heaviness in each syllable, took her breath away. “Both of you.” Kylo said, just as she felt Hux’s hand resting on her waist, letting her know he was there. “I want to be yours. I want you, and Hux, to be mine. And I would very, very much like it if you wanted me back.”

“You know I do.” She answered almost instantly, with a petulant rush. Her cheeks flooded with color when she realized how that must have sounded, and closed her eyes as a weak chuckle escaped her.

“I don’t have to respond to that kind of foolishness, do I?” Hux asked, letting his chin rest on the curve of Rey’s shoulder, and sporting a soft smile playing dangerously on his lips. “You sound like a greeting card. This is the most unattractive I’ve ever known you to be. I’m sincerely reconsidering this entire engagement.”

Hux always knew exactly how to keep Kylo’s intensity from overwhelming Rey. She laughed, her head tilting back until she could feel him cheek to cheek. She was surrounded by them, both physically and emotionally, and she’d never felt safer or happier in her entire life. Here, trapped between them just like the day they’d both hugged her on the Resistance base, she felt like she had found something she’d been searching for her entire life.

And in the midst of her blissful content, she could feel Kylo’s peace, unable to be marred even by Hux’s sarcasm, as it settled firm and permanently down into his heart.

“Go on, Rey.” Hux murmured, all the clipped humor of his sarcasm gone from his voice. There was something quiet and important in the sound of it, now. Something almost pleading. “Tell us what it is you want from us.”

This was what they’d come for. She knew this, without asking. There was always this trepidation with both men, waiting for her to tell them they weren’t foolish for feeling the way they did. As if her words were the only things that could save them, even though she hadn’t known what the words were until now.

She rubbed her cheek against Hux, and then lifted her head to look at Kylo. He was waiting, equal parts patient and desperate for an answer.

So it was finally time to give them one.

“I know that love exists.” She whispered, her voice shaky. “But I don’t know anything about it. Despite that, I know how I feel. I know I want to be with you both, and nothing in this entire galaxy is ever going to change that. Ever.”

She could feel Kylo flooding with relief, and breathed out a chuckle over it. How could he not have known?

“I’m not sure what that entails. Physically, I mean. I don’t know - rather, if I can just ask - if perhaps you could be patient with me -”

Kylo’s lips came down on her, stifling her request so quickly it made her squeak into the kiss. She could feel Hux wrapping his arms around the both of them, in a very gentle hug. She didn’t understand why this was their reaction, when she was sure she hadn’t made her intentions clear yet, but Kylo stole her thoughts away with the plush warmth of his overpowering kiss, and she found it hard to care very much for as long as he kissed her.

He finally pulled away, and set her back down on her feet. She was trapped between two towers, both of whom saw fit to keep her in their arms. 

“You don’t have to worry.” Kylo promised, brushing her hair back behind her ears. She’d never managed to put them in buns, and for that small miracle, he was very grateful. “We have the rest of our lives. We’re in no rush.”

“The brute is right.” Hux murmured, getting a shove on the shoulder from Kylo over the nickname and ignoring it. “Don’t give it another thought. You are the companion we desire. Not just your body. All of you. And besides, we’ve certainly got more troubling things to worry about than the exact date to which you’ll be interested in ravishing us.”

“ _Hux._ ” She chirped out, her voice raising an octave as she turned her head to glare at him. He returned her glare with an innocent smile, and then leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose.

As expected, her glare instantly disappeared.

He could get used to this.

“I do have one addendum to this companionship.” Hux said, catching both of their attention. “If either of you ever refer to me in any regard as your _boyfriend_ , I am leaving you both immediately. Is this clear?”

Rey’s mouth fell open in a wide grin, toothy and wild and _so_ happy. She would have said it, if Kylo hadn’t managed it first.

“Clear. _Boyfriend._ ”

Hux’s eyes narrowed as they turned an icy stare up towards the man, his lip curling up with the threat of a sneer.

“Well then.” He growled out sharply. “This relationship lasted all of thirteen minutes. Get the hell out of my quarters.”

Rey snickered between them, shifting until she was facing Hux so she could lean up on her tiptoes and bounce, just enough to lay a kiss on his nose, just as he’d done to her.

His expression melted, down from disgust to just exhausted resignation. He thought he’d found great power in the way he could make her smile just with one kiss. Now, he realized, this power was mutually destructive.

He tried to hate it, even when his body betrayed him by shivering when Kylo’s hand slid up the side of his body and wrapped around the back of his neck. An apology, of sorts. He wanted to shrug it off and deny him. Deny both of them. He’d explicitly _said_ -

It didn’t matter. His shoulders sagged as the heavy weight of truth laid down against them, thicker than his warmest cape.

It didn’t matter what they called him, so long as they were still his. And they _were_ his, now. Just as he was utterly, irrevocably theirs.

He was doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo legit though, legit, fuck these guys. legit. It's been 44 chapters. Legit. Fuck em.
> 
> Please, please leave comments to soothe my despair at having spent two years writing a reylux ship fic and only now finally having them get together because honestly I'm getting the noose, it's time to go.
> 
> HOW ABOUT THAT BRENDOL THOUGH, EH. WHAT A DISH, WHAT A DOLL.
> 
> Oh yeah so yesterday I put all of the art that I've ever received or commissioned for Breaking Point into one folder, so if you want to stroll through memory lane and take a look at all of the amazing artwork this fic has inspired please check it out!! It's honestly just such a trip every time I realize people liked what I wrote enough to put their talents to use and create something based on it. I love all yall. Seriously.
> 
> https://imgur.com/a/uyFPg - All Breaking Point art!


	45. Chapter 45

Despite having dealt with trimming the Calaver plant in normal hazard protection suits, Rey chose to take extra cautions now that she knew what it could do. She’d had time to think as she suited up, and realized that the weird dampening feeling she always suffered through when she was in there wasn’t just some temporary toxin in the air - the plant was actually trying to reach through her protective barriers and take from her this gift she’d only just begun to learn to control. There was something truly unacceptable about that; the Force was a part of her, now and forever, and she had so little she could call her own already. She hadn’t known what it was, but she’d felt the Force guiding her throughout her entire life, before it had truly surfaced inside of her. It was perhaps the only companion that had been with her, for her entire life.

She was loathe to let it go, now.

So she doubled up on protection, eventually bumbling in looking like a stuffed animal. In her hands were her cutting tools, and behind her back was slung a container where she was meant to put clippings of the flowers that bloomed at the very tip of some stems. This, Brendol had said, was the most potent part of the flower. He made sure to point out that the leaves and stems were still deadly and needed to be treated with care, but the flower was the only part needed for the poison.

She popped open the top of the container, and then got to work.

The plant had grown sturdy and overwhelming. She began to work from the outside in, clipping through thorny barriers of vine just to get to the thicker stems beneath. Eventually, she felt like she’d become completely enveloped in the heart of the plant, and panic gripped at her heart as the heavy weight of being Force-blind settled into her bones.

Her cutters stilled. She swallowed, hard, and tried to center herself, but the stems and vines kept brushing against her body, reminding her that it had the power to steal from her if she was careless.

Before the panic could take control, she heard a tapping from the top of the glass dome. She looked up to see Kylo leaning over it’s rounded edge, his hands covered in two layers of gloves, as they caulked closed the cracks that the plant had formed in its efforts to try and break free from overgrowth. 

She could see it in his eyes and in the way his hands shook against the glass; her panic was visible in her expression, and he knew she needed his help. So he smiled, even though she was sure he felt as nauseous as she did, and kept her eyes on him.

A few seconds later, his smile faded.

“Can you not hear me?” He called out, loud enough to permeate the glass. She rose her eyebrows in confusion, and watched as he struggled with something. She heard him fine, when he spoke. But he hadn’t spoken before-

The air left her lungs in a shuddered exhale when she realized what he’d been trying to do, and how easily this plant had severed her ability to hear his thoughts. Before this could drown her with panic yet again, she hurried back to work. The quicker she was out of this prison, the better.

She’d gathered seventeen bulbous blossoms before she was done; and she’d viciously hacked away at the plant until it was no higher than a few feet, with thick branches jutting up through a mountain of mulch. It looked dead, but she knew better. This plant was hardy, tough and stubborn, and it weathered any challenge. It would grow, again and again, in the face of adversity.

And it would thrive.

She remembered the first time she’d thought about this plant in such a way. She’d been proud of it, she’d even related to it.

Now, she found the idea repulsive.

She dropped the cutters into a cache inside, and then moved to the decontamination slice. The door to the plant shut behind her, and a great whoosh of air blew away what little of the plant had attached itself to her suit. Eventually, she started to peel the first layer off, leaving it on the floor to be incinerated. Kylo was waiting for her on the other side, his hand pressed flat against the glass.

He looked like he was trying so hard not to break through the glass just to get to her. Just to _feel her again._ She understood the feeling too well.

When she left the containment unit, his arms were immediately around her, bare hands reaching out and brushing across any part of her he could touch. Her hair, her neck, her shoulders; he felt like he was searching for something, and his touches only became more frantic as he failed to find it.

“Kylo.” She whispered, trying to capture his hands and still them. _”Kylo.”_ She repeated, more forcefully.

“You still can’t hear me.” His shaky voice whispered, turning her heart to ice when she understood.

Suddenly, she was in movement. Her hand gripped at his and she pulled, yanking him out of the room entirely and moving as far away from that plant as possible. She kept shaking her head, desperate to stave off the effects of the plant as she’d always been able to do - but this time it lingered, and threatened her with the looming possibility of never letting her go.

It took the length of two hallways before she could hear it as if it was a million miles away. He was chanting her name, screaming it even though it was so quiet she could hardly sense it. With each repetition it got louder, until it all became too much and she twisted around, her hands on her head and a scream on her lips.

He stopped.

“Yes.” She huffed out, breathless. “I can hear you.”

She yelped when she was gathered up into his arms, leaving the safety of the ground in place of being crushed against his chest. He was babbling through their bond, simply because he could. He told her how he never wanted to feel like that again, that he would rather die than feel that separation choking his heart. His words began to come too fast, thoughts mixing in with one another, and she hushed him against his collarbone, trying to get him to calm down and think clearly again.

Finally, he spoke out loud.

“You’re never going in there again.” He demanded, sharp and final. “We’ll program a droid to keep it under control. I won’t - I can’t - “

She leaned her head back, her eyes thinning just slightly. It was an expression that he knew came with dangerous intentions.

“It’s my plant. If I want to take care of it myself, I can. I know how to be careful.”

A flash of anger burned in his eyes, but the desperation behind it was much brighter.

“Don’t. Don’t make this about your freedom. I couldn’t feel - it felt like you were _dead_ , Rey. I never want to feel that way again. Not for a single moment. Please.”

When she thought about how she’d felt, disconnected from Kylo, and from the Force itself, she knew that she shared that desire - she never wanted that feeling again. But she couldn’t let that fear, or any fear, control her.

She couldn’t make this decision lightly.

“I’ll _think_ about it.” She offered. “But I can’t promise. I know it would be easier to just say yes and be done with it, but there’s more to it than I can explain. I need you to try and accept that, Kylo. For me.”

She took his hand, and felt him consider pulling it away. He was on the edge of indignation, preparing to let his anger loose and storm away. His hand shook in hers, even as she intertwined their fingers.

“Please. Just try.”

She waited in silence, until the shake of his hand began to still, and his fingers tightened around hers.

“You’re asking for the impossible.” He whispered, his voice threatening to break. She smiled, and rose up to her tiptoes, just to brush her nose against the edge of his chin.

“I am.” She agreed. “Because I believe in the impossible. Especially when it comes from you.”

He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the compliment. He looked for faux innocence in her eyes, something to indicate that she was being sarcastic, or at the very least mischievous. Instead, there was nothing but hopeful pride reflecting in them. Somehow, it was not so hard to believe that she really did have faith in him achieving the impossible.

He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve that kind of faith, but he wanted it just badly enough to accept it.

He set her back down on her feet, turned her around before she could steal more of his anger away with those hopeful eyes, and gently led her forward. “I still say you could just have a droid do it. At least sometimes.”

He watched her buns bounce from behind, as she nodded in agreement. “Definitely sometimes. I’ll look into it.”

And just like that, the last of his anger was left abandoned on the hallway floor.

“Did you seal up the cracks on the glass safely?” She realized she’d never actually checked up to see if he was done, when she’d left the containment unit. Behind her, Kylo grunted in affirmation. She breathed out a sigh of relief, and tried to let go of the troubling thoughts on the nature of what she’d brought onto this ship. If it meant Snoke’s ultimate downfall, she thought the danger, and the tension it caused, just might be worth it.

* * *

Kylo’s frustration over her stubborn refusal to keep away from the plant had come with a strange, fruitful price. He’d been twice as hard on her during training, both in their physical and mental exercises. When they were done, she found they were both drenched in sweat and breathing heavily, but she’d also never felt more productive before. 

She’d managed to block him out of her mind completely, for several minutes at a time. And when they had sparred, she had him on his back twice in a row, pinned under her body with a training saber pressed against his neck.

She recalled, as she brushed her hair out after her shower, how it had been difficult not to let that particular moment stray into something less productive than just sparring. Kylo, in particular, seemed to struggle with the desire to hold her down where she sat; he’d settled for pulling her down into a kiss, instead, but there was no denying the effect she’d had on him in that moment. She was able to feel it, both through their bond and through the thin fabric of his trousers.

Productive as the day was, they had both agreed simultaneously to end their training there.

Now she was alone in her room, running a brush through her hair and lamenting its length. She needed a haircut, desperately. Her hand reached for the communications array on her console to send a message to the quartermaster for a pair of scissors, but the light beside it blinked on before she could even touch it. She was receiving a call.

Her finger tapped a single button to accept it, and a hazy blue light flooded the room as a holographic image of Finn’s head and shoulders was broadcast out from it. She dropped her hairbrush on the ground and put her hands on the console, grinning from ear to ear.

“FINN!” She squealed, leaning in to get a good look at him. He looked healthier, his face full and glowing - and he, too, needed a haircut. His hair had grown a little wild, curly and unkempt. She wondered if it was on purpose.

“Gee, I wish everybody greeted me the way you do.” Finn admitted, his own bright smile almost luminescent against the blue glow of the hologram. “Did I catch you at a good time? I got some time to kill and I missed you.”

She could hear how easily it had become for him to admit that. There was no shyness in his voice, no hesitance or embarrassment. He really did just miss her.

And she’d missed him, too.

“You caught me at the perfect time. Training’s done for the day and I was just going to take a break and try to contact Mitaka to see how things are going over there. Now you can tell me, instead. How is it?”

Finn’s face scrunched up in annoyance. “Why’re you calling Mitaka for an update and not me? I should be offended. I’m clearly the better choice. Besides, you sent him over here to do business, but we haven’t seen him more than a couple of days while he’s here.”

Finn bent in, as if whispering could protect their conversation better. “Which reminds me. What’s the deal with this guy, anyway? You sure he’s not trying to spy on us? Half the time we try to invite him to a meeting, the guy’s ‘indisposed’. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Rey sucked her lips in for a moment to keep her expression from betraying Mitaka’s trust, and then shrugged slightly. “Beats me. Maybe he’s sick? I’ll check on him. It’s not like he’s going anywhere until he gets the job done.”

Finn gave her a suspicious look. Could he tell that she was hiding something that easily? “Uh huh. Sure. And I’m sure he keeps taking Lieutenant Connix off her post because he needs a ‘note taker’. Right?”

There was no hiding the way Rey choked with a laugh, and Finn pointed his finger at her dramatically. “I _KNEW_ IT!”

“Finn, _now hold on_. Don’t go giving them any trouble. This has nothing to do with the Resistance, _or_ the First Order. Don’t cause Mitaka any problems, or Hux will find out and have him shipped back over here! Please, just let them be. I’ll talk to him - I’ll make sure he does what he’s there for.”

“You knew about this!” He accused, his hands up in the air. “The whole time!”

“About what? Mitaka and Kaydel? I only know that this truce between us is giving them a chance they never thought they’d have. This war tore them apart - don’t do it again, now that they’re finally back together.”

Finn slumped down in what Rey had to assume was a seat, though she couldn’t see it. He looked deflated, but still wary. “How do we know Kaydel isn’t a spy, then? Was she First Order? Is that how they know each other?”

“She’s not a spy.” Rey clipped out, just a little too sharply. Finn’s accusations were starting to test her patience. “She’s never been a member of the First Order. Mitaka’s choice was his own, and so was Kaydels. It’s been so long, for both of them. Can you imagine how hard that must have been? Separated for that long, with no end in sight. It sounds like torture.”

Finn glared down at the console in front of him, and then met Rey’s eyes for a long, hard moment. “Yeah.” He breathed out, too intensely for her liking. “It sure does.”

His answer shattered the little hope she’d held on to that he wasn’t still hurt by her choices. She was here, and he had to realize that she was going to _stay_ here, possibly forever. She could see that bitter understanding in his eyes, and she hadn’t even told him about her budding relationships, yet.

Would she ever?

“Finn, they’re in love.” She whispered, very quietly. It felt so important to make that distinction, to make him understand. This was not a comparison worth making.

For a long moment, she wondered if he was going to fight back. Would he try to claim he was, too? That somehow, despite how little time they’d gotten together, he still felt the same way? There was a war in his eyes, as he considered it.

Whatever side thought to fight her, lost. She saw it die off as logic took over, and he furrowed his brows in deep thought.

“Must be nice, huh.” He muttered, without an ounce of bitterness present in his voice. He truly, sincerely wondered what it must feel like. To love someone, to be loved in return. It sounded complicated, and painful, and stressful.. and nice. Really, really nice.

One side of Rey’s lips lifted in a companionable smile. She knew his wonder, all too well.

“Yeah. At least I hope it is.” She thought of the two of them, reunited after so long apart, and wondered if they’d managed to fix the gaping wound the First Order had gouged into their hearts, or if it simply wasn’t as easy as just _being together_ again.

Nothing was ever that easy, was it?

“There’s not much to tell you on the negotiations front.” Finn muttered, slowly changing the subject to something less bittersweet. “But I can tell you something Mitaka couldn’t. I talked to your friends, Bean and Beau.”

Rey’s face lit up, and her mouth parted in an open smile. “Finn! How was it? Were you nice to them? You’d better have been nice to them.”

His eyes widened and his hands lifted in the air in a pose of innocence. “Me? Why’re you worried about ME being nice! I’m the nicest guy you know!”

“Finn.”

“If anything you should be asking me if your boys were nice, coming in here with their Stormtrooper outfits, did they really need to be armed-”

“Finn.”

“We could have had a parade and they’d still be holding a gun to our heads-”

“FINN!”

He winced as she finally cut off his nervous ramble, and gave her a sheepish smile. “Of _course_ I was nice to them. I might be suspicious as hell about their intentions, but I trust you. And you sent them special.”

It was a nice sentiment, but Rey wished that Finn had been nice to them for a better reason than just his trust in her. He’d once been a Stormtrooper, just like they were. She hoped that he could see past the cast of an enemy, to the hope for an ally behind the masks.

“How are they doing now?”

Finn put his hands behind his neck, and leaned back in his chair comfortably. “General Organa has them in guest quarters, sent them new wardrobe, even gave them access to the training room. She figured they would get antsy real quick if there was nothing to do to let off some steam. One of them seems pretty thankful about it, but the other one, uh, Bean? He’s always in here looking for me. Says he wants to know more about what I do. Guy’s a pest if I’m going to be honest with you. Why’s he so nosy?”

“He’s not nosy, Finn.” Rey admonished him, with a curl of amusement in her voice. “He’s _curious._ It sounds like he wants to know what it’s like for someone on the other side. He’s lost a lot, because of the First Order. I can’t blame him if he’s thinking about defecting.”

Finn sat up straight, and bent into the comm again. Rey had to stifle her laugh at how close he got to the screen. “You think he wants in? He wants to _join_ us? For real?”

She’d never considered Bean the type to want to turncoat for the Resistance, but if he was always around Finn, it was a possibility that he was thinking about it. She shrugged, unsure of the truth. “Does that change your mind about him if he was?”

Something sparked in Finn’s eyes, and she knew the answer was yes.

“Either way, he’s the nicest - okay, _second nicest_ man I’ve ever met. I hope you give him a chance, and get to know him. You won’t be sorry you did.”

Finn had gone quiet, but he nodded a swift little nod, as he finally let her words sink in. “So what about the other one? The gym rat?”

Rey knew so little about Beau, but he’d seemed kind when she’d first met him. She shrugged again. “If he isn’t interested, at least he is staying out of your way. Have you spoken to either of them about the Stormtrooper program yet?”

He had, and the topic made that wide grin stretch his face, clenching at Rey’s heart. She really did miss him, more than she’d realized. 

“Actually, yeah. And I’m gonna be honest, it’s a little hard to swallow. You’re trying to tell me Hux, the man who fired Starkiller, has seriously unplugged the entire system as we knew it? I feel like these guys would have all rebelled and taken over by now, without something keeping them docile. You sure there isn’t something in the food?”

Rey’s expression shifted into something Finn had never seen before. It looked as if he’d insulted her, personally, and her features had gone tight and tense. Even through the fuzzy grains of the hologram, Finn could tell he’d done something wrong.

“Admiral Hux gave the First Order something a lot more powerful than blind loyalty fed through manipulation. He’s given them something they can truly believe in. He gives them _hope._ ”

Finn’s lips turned up to one side, in a mixture of disbelief and humor. “Uh, Rey. Isn’t that kind of our thing?” He tilted his head to one side. “Hope’s what kept the Resistance running, all this time. It’s like, practically General Organa’s motto. You can’t really mean to tell me-”

Her hand slammed down on the console, as she leaned in. Determination filled her face with fury, and Finn’s sarcastic responses died in his throat.

“You don’t get to put a claim on something like hope. This organization has been run by and with the wrong leadership ideals, and it’s led them to near ruin. Hux is changing that. And he’ll do so _without_ forcing a single soldier, anymore. Just you watch.”

This, too, was a side of Rey that Finn had never seen. He felt a pain in his heart as he realized that despite how much he cared about the girl, and how she would always be his best friend, he was starting to realize he really didn’t know her as well as he’d thought.

And he didn’t know whose fault that was. Maybe his. Maybe the First Orders. There was never going to be any way to tell.

He sat back in his chair again, disheartened.

“Yeah, well, these two certainly think so. Apparently General-”

“Admiral.”

“.. _Admiral_ Hux has them convinced that this is a First Order worth following. In fact, even Bean sounds proud of it. So maybe he doesn’t want to defect as badly as you thought he did.”

“I don’t know what he really wants. But I know he needs more out of this life than the tragedy he’s been given. He’s just not ready to reach out and find it. But you were, Finn.” She frowned, but she was imploring him. He could tell by the way her eyes widened with hope. “Just, maybe, be there for him. Listen to him. Be a friend.”

“A friend? Really, Rey? You sent him down here to be my friend?” He bit his tongue before he could ask her if Bean was supposed to be her replacement.

She was angry enough.

“He talks about you a lot.” Finn decided to say instead, distracting Rey with the information. He waited for her to be surprised, but instead found himself startled by just how sad the news made her.

“I told you.” She whispered, her voice echoing her breaking heart. “He doesn’t have much left. He needs help. He needs - people he can trust.”

Finn rose a single eyebrow, and wondered if Rey really thought Finn was someone Bean should be able to trust. Then his face smoothed out, because of _course_ Rey thought the best of him.

Of course she did.

He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fine. I’ll make an effort. That’s _all_ I can promise, Rey. If he gets weird on me, I’m sending him right back to you. Don’t care how lonely he is.”

She smiled at Finn, a smile that felt like more than enough reward for his generosity. It made him rub his neck as the awkward feelings he still had pent up inside of him over her rose to the surface in a dark blush. “All right, quit looking at me like that. What else do you wanna know?”

“How’s Poe?” She asked, getting another groan out of him. Of all the things to ask about at _that very moment._

“He’s, he’s uh, good. He’s good. Great. I mean, good. Just good. He’s been giving me flying lessons. I’ve almost got the hang of an X-Wing and Y-Wing, but the big shuttles are a little much for me to handle without autopilot.”

Rey waited for more, but when Finn went silent with a strange, but familiar awkwardness, she pressed him further.

“And..? What else do you guys get up to?”

He rolled his eyes, but she could see his body relaxing, falling into comfort because of the topic at hand. “Well, he took me and a couple of his pilot friends into the city once or twice, just to see the sights. It wasn’t their first time, so they spent most of it teasing me over my reactions whenever I saw something new. I mean, the other guys did. Poe didn’t. Poe never teases me about stuff like that.”

Rey’s eyebrows rose, slowly, as pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place.

“What _does_ he tease you about?” She asked, feigning innocence. 

He failed to catch on.

“Little things. Like, I still wear his jacket, I had it fixed instead of getting a new one, and he won’t stop pointing out how good it looks. What an idiot, right? And whenever BB-8 wants in on my X-Wing instead of his, he says he thinks it likes me more than him. Tells me I’d better be a good father to his son. Stuff like that.”

Rey was biting her lip, but otherwise remained straight faced despite how utterly adorable this all sounded. She nodded along, just barely. “So I guess you’d say things are good between you and him?”

Finn’s lips twitched, and a very tiny, secret smile snuck onto his lips without him knowing. That smile was the only answer Rey needed to know what was going on.

“Pretty good. He’s a good guy, Rey.”

“So you’ve said.”

Finn finally noticed something was amiss, flickering his eyes back to the hologram after having drifted his gaze off into nothing. His expression turned suspicious, and Rey tried her best to wipe any expression off her face. She was the picture of innocence - which was probably worse than being at least little amused.

“Rey..” He growled out. Her eyebrows lifted, and the humor finally reached her eyes.

“You _like_ him.”

Finn scrambled suddenly, leaping off the seat and curling himself around the hologram. He was letting out hisses as he hushed her, his finger on his lips as he stood an inch from the screen and Rey could hardly see anything but half of his face. She giggled, and he hushed her again.

“Why would you say something like that! Someone could hear you!”

“Someone like..”

“Don’t.”

“Poe..?”

“I never should have called you.” Finn grumbled out, setting off another fit of giggles from Rey in response. “Will you be serious for a second? This is real important to me here, okay? I don’t want to mess up the most important person I’ve got down here. Next thing you know, he’ll be off joining the First Order, too.”

Rey’s giggles died in her throat. She felt the clench of guilt weigh her heart down heavy, and Finn could hear it in the way her breath caught in a sharp inhale. He backed away, just enough to see her fully.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He whispered, his voice trembling with fear.

“Then how did you mean it, Finn? How else could you have possibly meant it?”

He paused, desperately clawing at any answer in his mind to try and make this less painful, but she was right. There was no other way. He felt abandoned, and he’d lashed out one too many times on her over it.

So he sat back down in the chair, put his head in his hands, and sighed.

“I’m sorry, Rey.” He grumbled into his hands. “I’ve been an idiot, and I’m sorry. I just miss you, _damn_ , I miss you every day. It’s no excuse though. This is on me.”

Rey wrapped her arms around herself, tight, and fell silent. His apology felt soothing, and necessary. But it didn’t solve the bigger problem - being so far away from her best friend.

And never, ever planning to come back.

“I miss you, too.” She said. “And I accept your apology.”

A lengthy silence fell between them, tangible in its awkwardness. She didn’t know what to say next to pull themselves up from the hole they’d dug into, and neither did he. So they sat there, waiting for something, anything-

“Are you talking to my girl Rey without me?” Poe called out, distant enough that it was difficult for Rey to hear him. “What kind of garbage is this!”

Finn’s face burned, dark enough that Rey could see it through the hologram, and despite how awful she felt about the state of their friendship, she couldn’t help but smile to see her friend so easily affected by the voice of his crush.

He didn’t even correct Poe over the ‘my girl’ comment, when the pilot jogged over and wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulders. In fact, he didn’t say anything at all. Rey guessed that he couldn’t. She wondered at just how deep his interest in Poe actually went.

“Hello, Poe.” She said, offering the pilot a single hand wiggle in greeting. “You’ll have to forgive Finn. We’re apart much too long, I think we deserve a little time alone to catch up.”

“Psshh. Nothing old Poe here can’t be around for, can it? Come on, after all that time I spend teaching this guy not to crash an X-Wing, he can’t even share a little comm time with you? That’s pretty damn selfish, I gotta say. Good thing I like him so much, or I’d be really pissed right about now.”

Finn finally reacted, turning to bump his shoulder into Poe and grumble something about quitting it. Poe leaned in to try and get a good look at Finn, who kept steadfastly avoiding his eyes.

“How are the troopers, Poe? Have you had a chance to meet them?” Rey tried, as much as she could, to get Poe’s attention off the poor man who was dying of embarrassment in his arms.

“You sent us two decent guys, Rey. Did you know Beau’s got stealth training? I tried to offer him a job, but he doesn’t seem real interested in hanging out long over here at the Resistance. Damn shame. I could have used a couple of men like that. Well trained, loyal, a decent shot, and strong as hell - just like our Finny here. Ain’t that right Finn?”

He squeezed one of Finn’s biceps, and without thinking, Finn flexed. So Poe punched the hard muscle a few times, playfully. “Look at that, Rey. What do you feed these guys over there, steroids?”

Rey lifted her arms up, flexing her own pair of biceps. She, too, was remarkably toned; though that was from a lifetime of scavenging, and not whatever the First Order made their food from. “You’ve got it. Nothing but protein, all day every day.”

He laughed, his head falling back with the strength of it. Poe had the kind of laugh that you felt in your bones, even if you weren’t laughing yourself. “Maybe we should trade recipes. I could use a little more muscle, myself. Am I right, Finny?”

Finn rolled his eyes, and in a heartbeat he had Poe’s arms pinned against his back, easily holding him in place. “Yeah, he’s right Rey. Look at this guy. He’s been trying to beat me in a spar for weeks now, and all he gets out of it is a bruised ego.”

“ _And_ a bruised ass!” Poe laughingly replied, still struggling to try and get out of his hold. “Okay, uh, you made your point Big Deal. How about you give a guy a break, you’re making me look bad in front of the lady.”

Something about the way Poe said that had Finn frowning. He let Poe go, but there was no more humor in his expression. He twisted his face up as he struggled internally with something, and then took a step to the side, putting some distance between them. There was no denying the sudden discomfort, not even for Poe, who fought so hard to remain lighthearted in the face of adversity.

Poe looked from Rey, to Finn, and back again, before deciding he’d overstepped. “Hey. I’m gonna leave you two kids alone. Be good, okay? And come visit us soon, Rey. This guy misses you something awful.” 

Finn’s discomfort turned on Poe, reaching out to shove his shoulder with one hand. “She already knows. I’ve only told her about three times since she picked up.” Still, there was something weak in the way he complained about it. Something that reeked of resignation.

Poe heard it. Rey didn’t.

The pilot gave Rey a wink and then sidestepped another shove as he backed away. She waited until she could no longer see the hazy shadow of him in the hologram, before speaking again.

“I will visit. We’ll see each other again. I promise.”

Finn ran a hand over his unruly hair, and gave her a weak shrug. “I know. You can’t blame me for complaining about it. Without you, things just feel.. weird.”

She huffed out a soft laugh. Weird was an understatement. “Yeah. I know.”

A face she didn’t know came into view in the hologram, as someone spoke in hushed tones and handed Finn a flimsi. His brow furrowed as he looked at it, before turning back up to Rey. “You should probably go talk to Mitaka now. Can I call you back later? We’ve got some strange readings coming in on the radar that General Organa thinks I should take a look at.”

“Look at you.” Rey chided, her pursed smile barely holding back her pride. “Poe’s right. You really are a Big Deal.”

“Nice.” He muttered, chuckling weakly. “See you later, Rey.”

He disconnected their call before she could tell him goodbye, most likely because he expected he’d be calling her back sooner rather than later. Still, she was left with the sense of loss, cut off from him so suddenly. It made her pause before calling Mitaka, just to try and worm that feeling out of her. 

It never really worked.

When she called Mitaka, it took him forever to pick up. She found him fully dressed in his Generals uniform, every part of his outfit perfect and pristine. She wondered if that was why it had taken him so long to answer.

“A pleasure to see you again, Rey.” He chirped out, sounding happier than she’d _ever_ heard him before. She grinned just from that alone, and gave him a sharp nod in greeting.

“The same to you, General. Things are going well, I take it?”

His face crested in joy before suddenly crashing with unhappiness. It was a whirlwind, and Rey felt disoriented by how quickly his expression could change. “Actually, no, not at all. I must admit that I have some severe misgivings about this assignment.”

Rey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He thought he’d be thrilled to be with Kaydel again. Wasn’t he?

“I take pride in your assessment of my skills, but I must say, I am _extraordinarily_ out of my league. General Organa’s sensibilities and debate skills rival that of our great Admiral himself, and I worry that I’m going to greatly disappoint the Admiral when he finds out just how little I can manage to affect here. Permission to speak freely, miss?”

Rey rose both of her eyebrows. Mitaka had never addressed her so formally before. “Of course.”

He leaned in to the hologram, put both of his hands around his mouth, and whispered conspiratorially. “She’s chewing me up and spitting me out, Rey. As much as I want to be here, I simply don’t think I’m the man for the job.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. So he _did_ want to be there. “You underestimate yourself, Mitaka. But I believe in you. Has Kaydel been helping you with the General at all?”

His expression blossomed with color, and the weariness instantly faded. “Oh, she’s been - she’s been quite helpful. Yes. Helpful.”

He looked like he was trying to hide a grin behind his smile, and Rey wanted to tell him to let it out, to praise the woman he loved as much as he wanted, to scream her name into the air and let everyone know that he was never going to let her go, ever again.

Instead, she returned his smile with one of her own, brimming with all the happiness his joy brought her. “Well I’m glad she’s _helpful_. I hate to think of you down there alone.”

Mitaka fiddled with the buttons of his collar, as his expression drifted off into the distance. “I think - once the truce has been finalized, once this war is truly over, and the Admiral is no longer in need of my services.. I think, if she’ll have me..”

Mitaka’s sweet sentiment never got the chance to be completed. The hologram froze in place, and then it blinked out of existence. She leaned in and called his name, but the console lights were all turned off, and there was no connection to the Resistance base. She tapped on the button to try and refresh the connection, but there was nothing.

A deep, terrible well of despair settled in her gut.

The console lights blinked on before she could do anything about it. She accepted the transmission, but it was audio only. Still, she could recognize Finn’s voice from anywhere.

“Rey? You getting this?”

She could hear sirens in the background.

“What’s happening?”

“Personally I just think it’s another drill, but there’s reason to believe we’re under attack from the inside. All communications have been cut down - General Organa let me send this one on her own private frequency, just to keep you informed. You haven’t heard of anything from your side about possible spies, have you?”

_Saboteurs_. Brendol had told her as much, the day he’d explained his function on their ship. Why hadn’t she thought to warn the Resistance that they’d been dealing with this kind of trouble? Why hadn’t she told _Finn_?!

Her silence told him everything he needed to hear. “Not a drill, then. Fine. It’s fine, we’ll find them and deal with them ourselves. But maybe the next time you find out something that could put us in danger - you know what, nevermind. I got no time for this. What do I need to know? Is this Snoke’s men?”

She crumpled under the weight of guilt, letting it drop her to sit down on her bed. “I don’t know. I only know one of our ships had some spies trying to mess up the communications systems. He thinks they’re trying to steal ships. So maybe..”

“Ships. Got it.” There was a muffled pause as he covered his communicator, before returning to her. “General Organa’s sending Poe to check it out. Anything else? What about your boys? Are they in any danger?”

Rey’s blood went cold when she thought of how she’d been responsible for choosing Bean and Beau, and Mitaka, to be sent down to the Resistance base. She thought they’d be safe. If they weren’t..

“I hope not. Are you?”

She heard a breathy chuckle, and Finn came up closer to the comm. “Come on, Rey. Look who you’re talking to. If anyone’s in danger, it’s-”

Rey had never heard a sound as horrifying as _half_ of an explosion over a remote communications system, followed by loud, breaking static, a split second of someone screaming, and then - silence.

She screamed Finn’s name as she surged up to the console, slamming her hands on the controls. Nothing was bringing him back, no matter how hard she tried, and soon it became too difficult to see past the tears that were welling up and blinding her. The frustration consumed her, gripping her heart in a choke hold, tightening with every passing second until it built up into an unmanageable pressure from within.

It was only a matter of time before that power reached its breaking point.

The Force lashed out visibly around her, trashing everything in her room that wasn’t bolted down. The console creaked as electronics within were crushed and shattered. The pillows of her bed exploded in showers of feathers and silk. And a fine crack, almost impossible to see in the darkness, appeared in the bend between walls like a lightning bolt. 

When the outburst was over, she was left feeling empty, but unsatisfied. She wiped the tears out of her eyes hastily, just in time to turn around when she felt Kylo coming.

The door opened a handful of seconds later, and there he stood, out of breath and wild with terror. She knew he felt everything she did, which was the worst kind of fear.

“The Resistance base.” She told him, her voice choking into a weep. “They’re being attacked, there was an explosion, Finn, _Finn_ -”

Kylo looked like he was going to collapse under the weight of her pain, but instead he surged forward and grabbed her, curling his entire body up around her. His arm was under her knees, pulling her legs up until she was balled up in his lap. She felt like he was suffocating her, trying desperately to keep her calm, and she pushed into it just to feel the ache of breathlessness. She didn’t want to feel, anymore. Not like this.

“Hux.” Kylo’s wrecked voice was speaking into his own comm, against his wrist. “The Resistance base is under attack. Send assistance immediately.”

He didn’t get an answer. He didn’t need one. He knew Hux was already working on it.

Rey pushed away suddenly, her hands planted against Kylo’s chest. Her face was streaked with tears, but her eyes were bright with a sudden overwhelming determination.

“No.” She whispered. “We have to go. _We_ have to go. You. Me. They need us.”

Kylo wanted to argue. He was desperate to soothe her, to keep her safe, to keep her from running off to try and be a hero - but she was playing dirty, and it was _working_. Because the moment her mind drifted to thoughts of his mother, his panic was no longer hers. It was his own.

So he was up, carrying her wrapped carefully in his arms, heading straight for his own personal shuttle before Hux could find out and try to knock some sense into them. She was right. They were needed. _They_ , above all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to gently nudge your attention over to the fact that this fic is not tagged with major character death, so everyone breathe a sigh of relief and don't hate me. XD
> 
> Also I'm already 3 pages into the next chapter because it flowed too easily from this one that I almost just made it all one big chapter but rest assured the next one's coming soon enough. If I don't post by Thanksgiving, I hope you all have a good one, be safe, don't let your family drive you nuts, and eat lots of good food!


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warnings: Blood and injury.

“I demand the both of you get off of that vessel _this instant._ ”

Kylo covered his wrist and gave Rey a panicked look, as the engines of his shuttle primed for departure. It hadn’t taken Hux long at all to figure out what they were up to, and as expected, he wasn’t happy with their impetuous choices.

“Snoke isn’t down there.” Rey decided talking to him was better than ignoring them, especially if they were going to salvage the charred remains of the relationship they felt they were burning through by leaving him behind. “And they need us. We’ll be fine, Hux.”

“Like hell you will. I can have that ship remotely deactivated from here should I choose, Ren. If you don’t shut down those engines and return to the control room immediately, I will have to consider it.”

Rey covered Kylo’s hand with her own wrist this time, and whispered. “Would he really do that?”

There was no question over whether Hux _could_ control a First Order ship remotely. The question was whether he would or not, and Kylo couldn’t readily respond.

She took her hand off of Kylo’s wrist. “Hux, _please._ ”

“Don’t you _dare_ -”

“Trust us. Trust in the Force.”

Kylo winced at Rey’s choice of words, just as Hux let out a long, drawn out sigh. “You _can’t_ be serious.”

_Wrong choice of words, Rey._ Kylo told her, the faintest hint of a smirk threatening to lift his troubled expression. He reached up and flicked a switch, which roared the engines to life behind them. The ship rumbled, and then smoothed out as it began to take off.

“Ren.” Hux warned, his voice ice cold.

The wings of his shuttle unfolded to their full length, and the ship began to hover.

“ _Kylo._ ”

Kylo’s hands froze on the thrust control. Hux’s voice had cracked, pleading as he called Kylo by his first name. And it worked.

For the moment.

“Rey?”

It was hard to hear, a second hand message crackling through the communicator that Kylo was using to speak with Hux. But no matter how shoddy the connection was, or how far away, Rey was still able to recognize it.

Her eyes lit up in heartbreaking delight, as she grabbed Kylo’s wrist and brought it right up to her ear to listen in.

“This is Admiral Hux. Rey is currently boarding a ship to try and rescue you. Might I assume, from this message, that you don’t need rescuing?” Admiral Hux kept his connection to Kylo open, even as he answered the call for Rey on his side. It had come through general channels, which he’d been keeping open at the control room. Just in case.

“Actually, and I’m not happy about this, but a rescue might be nice right about now. Our ships are gone. They took the fleet out. The whole damn fleet. And the city besides. It’s not looking good over here, we’re dead in the water.”

“Finn, can you hear me? Finn!” Rey was screaming right into Kylo’s communicator, in the hopes it would reach the man. “We’re coming to get you, Finn. Don’t worry. We’re on our way. Is everyone okay?”

Admiral Hux sighed at this strange three way conversation, and at the realization that nothing could have stopped them from leaving for the Resistance base, now. At least it sounded like the worst was over.. which would have been a relief, if he was the kind of man who could have ever taken that as consolation.

Which he wasn’t.

“No. We’ve got a lot of injured people here, and some that didn’t make it. How many ships are you bringing?”

“Enough.” Admiral Hux assured them, butting in with the information. “My fleet will be there to escort you off of the planet in moments.”

Rey backed up from the position she’d crouched in beside Kylo, and rested back on her seat. She hadn’t realized how quickly Hux had already managed to send enough help to get everyone out of there. If they left now.. would they even make it in time to be of any use?

“Appreciate it, Admiral. The General has some ideas of where to go from here, if you don’t mind talking more about it when we get there?”

Finn had called him Admiral. Rey couldn’t help but smile.

“Of course. Preparations are being made for emergency and secondary care. My ships should be coming out of light speed now-”

Rey could hear a familiar rumble, distorted through two lines of communication as it was. She gave Kylo a look, her eyebrows rising in surprise, only to crumble with guilt. It was clear that they weren’t needed, after all.

Hux was going to _kill them_.

With a slow rise of his arm, Kylo switched off the engines, and the ship came down on its landing gear, grinding to a halt. His eyes did not tear away from Reys, not even once. He was thinking the same exact thing.

And from the silence on Hux’s side of their communication once Finn had disconnected, they could tell they were both right. 

Dealing with the aftermath of defying Hux was going to be a nightmare.

* * *

Ships were already beginning to return from the Resistance base by the time Kylo and Rey decided to disembark from his shuttle. They’d taken their time, talking through how they were going to handle Hux’s anger, and when they left the ship they could hear the rumbles of large First Order shuttles coming out of hyperspace. Rey stopped, waiting in the hangars to see if she could be of use, and when the first shuttle hissed open, she knew she’d made the right decision.

She rushed towards the injured that began to hobble out of the shuttles, immediately grabbing a young man and hefting his arm over her shoulders for support. Stormtroopers were rushing for the shuttles to help carry the wounded out, but the inevitable reaction from those in the ships was of fear. Some of them rose weapons, aiming them shakily at the helmeted soldiers and screaming at them to back away. Rey turned, her eyes widening in dismay when she saw it happen. It felt like the world had begun to slow, sound muffling out the shouts of frightened people protecting the injured from the encroaching sea of white. She released the man she was helping and ran back into the fray. Even her legs felt like they couldn’t move fast enough, couldn’t get to them fast enough to stop what was about to happen. Her arms were held out in front of her, but her presence and her voice simply wasn’t enough to quell the growing number of irritable wounded Resistance fighters. They had a natural response to Stormtroopers, even if those Stormtroopers were only trying to help.

Hux had wisely instructed the troopers to come unarmed, but that left them at a solid disadvantage. Rey tried to get in the way of the weapons and the armor they pointed at, which was enough to spur Kylo into action. He stomped forward and laid his hands out, focusing his power. He was disabling the weaponry. She knew this, because the man whose pistol was aimed right at her chest, pressed hard on his trigger to fire, and then pulled back when nothing happened.

A very loud, very _irritated_ voice boomed out through the comm system speakers, overwhelming the entire group with its overpowering volume.

“Esteemed members of the Resistance, and civilians. This is _not_ how you greet your saviors.”

It might have been enough. Hux’s voice quailed the man who’d tried to fire directly into Rey, but not every Resistance fighter felt comfortable laying down their weapons. The sight of this hesitance disheartened Rey, until she saw General Leia marching down from the ramp of her ship and breathed out a sigh of relief.

“It pains me to say this but, the Admiral is right.” Rey could see by the cringe on her face that it _actually_ did pain her. She hoped Hux wasn’t watching, else he’d be smug about it for days. Though, that might work as a good distraction to keep him from thinking about Kylo and Rey’s rash behavior..

She felt a gnawing pain at her heart, and blinked with confusion over it. She didn’t think her idea should make her _that sad_ , but then she realized quickly that it hadn’t. _She_ wasn’t sad.

She looked up to find Kylo transfixed, staring heartbreakingly at his mother as she moved through the crowds, admonishing as frequently as she comforted. She’d gone so far as to knock a pistol out of a Resistance fighter’s hands before the ripple of her actions finally began to take effect. Like a wave across the crowd, Rey could hear blasters powering down and pistols being re-sheathed. She wanted to smile, but her nerves were too frayed to feel good about anything. After all, if Leia hadn’t been here, what would this have turned into?

A Resistance fighter had literally shot her in the chest. Her.

There was no question of where the Resistance considered her loyalties, now.

Rey reached out, and took Kylo’s hand. His gaze remained transfixed on his mother, but his fingers curled almost needily between Rey’s, gripping her hand for support.

It took some time before Leia finally made it to them, her pace slowing as she caught Kylo’s gaze. A pain unlike any Rey had ever known sizzled across the older woman’s vision, and then disappeared just as quickly as it was replaced with a sad fondness. Her expression was so vivid, so bittersweet. Rey wondered how one woman could express so many feelings so quickly.

And then she remembered the little boy at the window, who could feel every single one.

Leia’s lips twitched, but never rose into a real smile. “You need a haircut.”

Kylo’s free hand whipped up to run through his hair, tugging at it impatiently. “My hair is fine.” He muttered back, impetuous and rash and young, as if the force of four words had knocked him back ten years. He finally tore his eyes off of her to roam the crowd, his chin rising just slightly in a vain attempt to be haughty and professional. “ _You_ need to keep your soldiers better informed. I doubt the Admiral just saved the entire Resistance just to see them slaughtered on our ship.”

That threat of a smile on her face was gone. So too was the emotional turmoil that looked as though it was tearing both her, and Kylo, apart. She pursed her lips and surged forward, surprising him by the nearness of her stance. She stood toe to toe with him, her head craning painfully just to look him in the eye. It would have been comical, if it wasn’t so utterly endearing.

Leia’s hands rested on her lips. She looked like she was about to give Kylo Ren a good scolding, and even Rey knew what a bad idea that was in public like this.

“I doubt there was enough time to explain anything to anyone, from what it sounded like to me.” Rey piped in, trying to defuse the situation. “Besides, nothing bad happened.”

“ _That man_ attempted to _murder you_.” Kylo pointed out, his finger and glare directed at the Resistance fighter that had begun to slink away once he’d realized his grievous mistake. The man froze at the accusation, and dropped his gun as if it scalded him. 

Kylo sincerely considered making an example out of him. Then and there.

“It was a mistake. No harm done. See?” Rey patted her stomach, tugging on Kylo’s hand to try and pull his glare away from the man. “No one’s going to be shooting anyone now. These people need help. And we’re going to give it to them.” 

She tugged again on Kylo’s hand, harder now. He finally turned his dark, brooding eyes towards her. “Aren’t we, Kylo?”

“Kylo.” Leia huffed out, in a humorless chuckle. “Still?”

This was not going well. Not at all.

Kylo turned to look down at his mother again, his eyes narrowing thin. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he felt she still deserved, and yet there was nothing he could ever say to make up for what he’d done. So how could he honestly snap at her for her mistakes in parenting, her blindness, her dishonesty - when he’d done far, far worse?

His expression softened, and then smoothed out into impassiveness. This was no place for a conversation like this.

“Always.” He answered, quiet and confident. If Leia wanted to regain ties with her son, then her hope that there was ever going to be a way to get back the boy she’d once loved, as he was before all of this, had to die.

Along with that name. Ben Solo.

Kylo’s hand slipped away from Rey’s, and he swiveled away, turning his back on the both of them to commandeer a group of Stormtroopers and begin instructing them towards assisting other ships.

Rey watched him go, even as a shaking hand settled against her shoulder. She pressed her own hand on top of it for support.

“Well,” Leia said, bitter humor leeching out of her voice. “That could have gone better.”

“It could have gone worse.” Rey offered, turning her head to give her a weak smile. It did not take much to fall into Leia’s arms when they were offered, giving the woman a long, comforting hug. 

“He needs time.” Rey whispered, into the greying hair on the side of Leia’s head. “And privacy. After we’ve gotten everyone medical treatment, I’ll arrange it. I promise.”

“Will you?” Leia pulled back, turning knowing eyes up at Rey. Now, that teasing smile finally made its way onto her lips. “I’m glad to see he listens to someone. I’m even more glad that it ended up being you.”

Rey’s cheeks flooded with color, and she shook her head. “Not just me. But - again, that’s a conversation for later. Are you hurt? Do you need any medical assistance?”

Leia rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Not a scratch on me.” She promised, brushing Rey’s fears off and then taking her by the arm with a more serious intent. “But you need to find Finn and Poe. They’ll need your help.”

She felt her blood turn to ice, frozen and unmoving in her veins. Her heart clenched, and the world around her felt like it was slowing down. Because she couldn’t have just said Finn, could she?

Leia let her go, unphased as Rey pulled away from her without so much as a goodbye. She ran, searching through the ships for some sign of them, but every face was starting to blur together. Every ship looked alike. She saw Finn’s face in so many others, until she blinked and they focused into someone else entirely. It wasn’t until she heard her name screamed out from what felt like miles away that she could feel any sense of time passing, again.

_”REY!”_

She turned towards the call and then winced as time snapped back into place, the roar of sound and movement suddenly too much for her. She followed the screaming anyway, because he wasn’t stopping, and if he could _scream_ that meant he was _alive and safe and-_

The amount of blood on Finn’s left side made her stomach churn. He was holding his right arm as it lay dead at his side, but for some reason it was his left that looked like it had been through so much. The blood must not have been his, because he lifted his left arm and waved it wildly, regardless of how it looked. 

She surged towards him, stopping just short of jumping into his arm, and choosing to grab his face in her hands instead. She grinned through tears running down her cheeks, and pressed her forehead against his.

“You’re okay.” She whispered out through a sob. “You’re okay, you’re okay-”

“Technically, I’ve got a broken arm.” He teased out, his voice hoarse from inhaling smoke. “But yeah, okay, you got me. I’m okay.”

She slapped his good arm, and came away with a bloody hand. She held it up to him as a silent question, and his grin disappeared. His hand reached out to take hers and tug her further inside, where someone was laying on a cot with a portable respirator on his face. When she looked closer, she confirmed what she’d already suspected; it was Poe. And he was the one covered in bandages, haphazardly patched up underneath a blanket that was still soaking up a dangerous looking amount of blood.

“He’s in a bad way, Rey.” Finn pleaded. “I know he’s not the only one, there’s worse off than him, but not by much.”

“What happened?” Rey whispered, bending down to get a better look at him. His face had gone pale, and he was unconscious. Had been for some time, she suspected. Finn bent down beside her, and gestured for some people to come help pick up the shoddy flat surface they must have set Poe on at some point in the escape.

“He was headed for his X-Wing when it happened. I shouldn’t have let him go, Rey. I shouldn’t have-”

Rey pressed her hand against Finn’s mouth. “Don’t you dare. This is not your fault. It’s Snoke’s. He gets all of our anger, now. All of it.”

She stood when two Resistance fighters had managed to pick up Poe’s makeshift gurney, and signalled for their attention. “Follow me. I’ll take you directly to trauma. Hurry.”

Finn let out a strange, gurgling sound before slamming into Rey from behind, wrapping around her with one big arm in a crushing hug. She yelped from the surprise of it, and then fussed over his lack of care over his own injury before leading them out on her own. She only hoped Hux wouldn’t mind her playing favorites.

Oh, who was she kidding. Of _course_ he would mind her playing favorites. But at least she thought he would also understand. All too well.

* * *

Rey woke up hours later, with no idea of what time it was or how long she’d been asleep for. She felt the mellow ache of back pain from sleeping curled up on a chair, and stretched out her body to get the kinks out. Finn was sitting in a chair on the other side of Poe’s bed, his head pressed uncomfortably against his left shoulder while his right arm lay bent in a swing cast. But in the bed itself, Poe was awake and smiling, staring fondly at Finn’s sleeping form. He turned his head to look at her when the chair creaked, betraying her movement, and his finger lifted up to press against his lips. She kept her mouth shut as she inched closer, leaning in to check on his injuries in silence. 

He was covered from neck to toe in bacta strips, sticky and likely quite uncomfortable, but his face was flush with color and his eyes looked bright. He was going to be fine.

She grinned, desperate to wake Finn up and tell him the news.

“Let him sleep.” Poe begged in a whisper, as his gaze drifted back to Finn. “He’s been through too much today, poor guy. He needs it.”

As Poe watched Finn sleep, Rey watched Poe. She had little to no experience in the affairs of the heart, except for the most recent relationships she was still trying to work out for herself. But when she looked at Poe’s expression, locked in undeniable fondness and near-obsessive admiration for the man in the chair, she knew without a doubt what she was looking at.

She leaned in, and whispered, very softly, just for him to hear. “You should tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Poe did not miss a beat, nor did he pull away from looking at Finn just yet.

“How you feel.”

That managed to pull Poe’s attention away from Finn. He turned his head up to look at her, and a devastating little smirk lifted his features. He did not seem surprised or ashamed to know that Rey had figured things out from what little she’d seen, but neither did he look entirely convinced.

“Easier said than done, Rey. Finn’s the kind of guy who works on a one track mind. When he first came to the Resistance, that track was focused on saving you. Now that you’re off saving yourself, Finn’s poured his heart and soul into bringing down the First Order. This whole truce thing has him tenser than a guy like him deserves to be. He doesn’t need more to worry about.”

“He’s already worried about you.” Rey pointed out, nudging her head in Finn’s direction. “He’s never left your side. Not once.”

“Neither have you.” Poe pointed out smugly.

“I wasn’t there for you when you first got hurt. He was. He could have left you to go find me, but he stayed by your side every second. Something tells me you wouldn’t be adding to his worries at all.”

Poe did not look convinced, but neither did he look upset to be talking about it. If anything, he looked like discussing the topic was a relief - and Rey wondered if he’d had anyone he could trust to share these secrets with, back on base.

“I’d have taken your advice, if this was back when we first met. Things were different, then. I liked him, I mean who wouldn’t - but it wasn’t so serious.” That smug smile finally began to fade, as he turned back to watch Finn again. “I think I would have been fine if he’d told me he wasn’t into guys, back then. I would have gotten over it. I’ve always bounced back fast.”

Rey’s lips parted as she breathed in, quietly entranced by the intensity of Poe’s voice when he spoke of Finn. “And now?” She whispered.

Poe went quiet for a few long seconds, letting them stretch out before him in peaceful silence before he spoke again.

“I like watching him sleep. He doesn’t look peaceful like this, when he’s awake. It’s nice.”

It wasn’t an answer, if anything it sounded like he was trying to distract from the topic. But Rey knew better. So she waited, patiently, for the inevitable answer. And when it came, she smiled.

“Think I’m in love with him, Rey.” Poe’s voice had gone soft as a whisper, nothing more than the exhale of breath. “He’s the strongest, funniest, gentlest, kindest living person in this entire galaxy, and fate just dropped him into my lap and said here, take good care of this. And I’m trying. I really am. So maybe I’ll tell him, one day. But not until he’s found some peace in his life again.”

Rey reached out to brush back the matted hair on Poe’s forehead, with no reaction save for the gentlest flutter of his eyelashes. He still watched Finn, ever vigilant. She wanted him to be honest with Finn, because she knew that there was no one in the galaxy she’d rather see Finn with. 

“You’re really giving him the wrong idea about what _you_ want when you flirt so terribly with me, you know.” Rey pointed out, her own smug smirk playing on her lips. She watched Poe’s tired face transform with amusement, and then he rubbed a hand over his features in embarrassment.

“You got me. I get kind of stupid, around him, trying to act casual and uninvested. It’s a bad idea, huh.”

“Terrible.” She giggled out, just loud enough to get Finn stirring from his sleep. They both froze, watching him stretch out his limbs and then groan when his arm complained, too bound up to stretch. His eyes blinked sluggishly open, just to focus on the sight of Rey leaning over Poe’s bed, watching him wake up.

His sleepy mind really did not want to try and parse whatever the hell he was looking at, so he just closed his eyes again, and slumped into his chair.

A split second later, it all caught up to him - and all that mattered was that Poe was awake. He surged to life, scrambling out of the chair and rushing to bend in to get a good look at him. His hands pulled up the blankets just as Rey did, and then searched every inch of his face for signs of health.

“Hey, buddy.” Poe’s scratchy voice whispered out. “That’s two I owe you, huh?”

Finn met Poe’s eyes, squinting as he fought to understand what the pilot meant, but it didn’t take long. He shook his head in disagreement. “You saved me, on Starkiller. Just as much as I saved you.”

This, above all moments, was the one that felt important enough to signal Rey’s departure. She slunk away very slowly, her exit nearly missed by the two men locked in each others gaze, and her heart jumped into her throat when she heard Poe’s yell once she’d reached the door.

“Thanks, Rey.” He called out, forcing even Finn to look up and notice she was slipping away. She winced, and brushed the sentiment off with a wave.

“It’s nothing. Get better soon. We’re not done with you, yet.” She slipped them both a quick smile, and then slid through a crack in the door. She had so much of her own life to take care of, and she wanted nothing more than to leave them alone in that moment.

But Finn had other ideas.

“Rey.” He whispered out harshly, as he slipped through the door as well and caught up to her. “Hold on. Where are you going?”

This was a delicate question, and she really wished she’d possessed even a fraction of Hux’s ability to use words to his advantage. 

“I have to go make sure everyone else is all right.” She hedged, keeping it as vague as possible. It worked about as well as she could have expected, since Finn always did have a way of seeing right through her.

“You don’t mean the Resistance, do you.” Finn asked her, flat out. 

She pursed her lips as the spark of anger threatened to light a fuse within her. She turned on her heel and faced him, giving him a rough, but thorough hug around his waist. “You’re not going anywhere. Neither am I. I’ll come visit you two soon, but right now, Poe needs you. And every second you’re out here arguing with me over what I’m doing with my life, you’re leaving him alone.”

His eyes widened at her accusations and the implications beneath them. He turned to look at the door, and she pulled away. When she saw where his eyes were trained, she reached around his waist and turned him, pushing him towards the door.

“You promise you’ll come back?” Finn asked, even as he was allowing himself to be manhandled back into Poe’s room.

She stopped once they reached the door, and then pushed it open for him with a smile. “I _promise._ ”

It was enough to get him to get back inside, and when the door closed in front of her, she let out a sharp sigh of relief.

Then she headed quickly back to her quarters.

* * *

She found him waiting inside, even though his quarters were only one room away. He sat on her bed, his hands toying with one of her pillows, and once more she was struck with the sudden sense of vulnerability and _youth_ that was emanating from him now that his mother was on board this ship. She’d never seen this side of him before, and it was jarring. It frightened her to think that Kylo had never truly given himself a chance to age out of the temperament afforded a younger boy. She hoped this was not the case.

When she sat down on the bed in front of him, he handed her the pillow he’d been toying with, and turned soulful eyes up to her. She couldn’t exactly tell if he’d been crying, but the red rim of his eyes told her that it didn’t matter; he was suffering, all the same.

She held both of her arms out, and Kylo slowly crawled into them. His weight knocked her down until her back hit the bed, and she was engulfed in his still presence. Her arms wrapped around him as best as they could, until he took hold of her waist and rolled himself to the side to release her from his smothering weight.

“That bad, huh?” She whispered against the shell of his ear. He didn’t respond, he just shifted against her until it felt like his body was made to shelter her, every curve fitting perfectly against her body. He wasn’t hurting, in that moment. He was stealing from her, both in physical comfort and in the peace of mind she brought with her. He sapped the warmth from her skin, and gave back in triplicate. She shifted just enough to pull her face away and breathe, then faced him.

“You haven’t talked to her yet, have you?” She asked. He shook his head just once in answer.

“Not without you.”

Rey swallowed hard, and tried so desperately to contain the surge of contentment she felt. Being needed just felt _so good_ , even if it wasn’t really the healthiest choice Kylo could make.

She kissed his forehead, and then his nose, and his lips chased hers until he could steal a kiss from there, too. Before he could steal another, she pulled away to ask yet another troubling question.

“And Hux?”

She expected him to admit that he wouldn’t go without her there, either, but Kylo surprised her with a very different answer.

“He’s still angry.” He admitted, though his expression dropped into something akin to shyness. “I didn’t want him to take it out on you. So I talked to him.”

Rey’s eyes widened to saucers. This was a new development. “And?”

Kylo focused very intently on a pattern in the blanket. “I’ve already said. He’s still angry. Just - less.”

“Less angry?”

Kylo paused a moment, and then nodded. He was still very focused on that blanket.

The suspicion had a slow start. At first, Rey was pleased to hear Kylo had managed to talk Hux down from what was sure to have been a terrible chastising, and possibly an entire breakup. But the way Kylo seemed determined not to look in her eyes had her wondering exactly how Kylo had managed this miraculous feat.

“Kylo?” She murmured, taking him by the chin and forcing his face back to her. “Look at me.”

He looked at her. For a single second. And then back to the blanket again.

Rey gasped. “You _didn’t_.”

The reaction was enough to pull Kylo out of his evasion, and he met her eyes again. “I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t as if I went there thinking I would seduce the anger out of him. I sincerely just wanted him to get all of his yelling out on me before you woke up. It just. _Happened._ ”

Somehow, that actually did make Rey feel a lot better. Somewhere in her heart she found the idea of Kylo purposefully bedding Hux as a response to his anger quite distasteful. But it wasn’t hard for her to believe that in their mutual rage, tempers risen to new heights as they threw insults at one another, that fiery passion had turned into something else.

And she was also relieved she’d been asleep for it.

She kissed his lips one more time, and then rested her forehead against his. “You two are unbelievable.” She whispered, trying not to sound affectionate. “I can’t leave you alone for a minute.”

Something about Rey’s choice of wording had Kylo pulling her closer, his hands grasping her just a little tighter, just a little harder. “Then don’t.”

It reminded her of the first night Kylo had cried in her arms, after she’d shared his painful childhood memories in a nightmare. The way he held her didn’t remind her of the nightmare, but of the way he’d clung to her that night, whispering, pleading for her not to leave. This was no more than a weak echo of that desperation, but it reminded her of it, nonetheless.

“Oh no, I’m quite glad I left you both alone after all. If you’d gone and gotten all hot and bothered over yelling at each other while I was around, things would have gone much differently I wager.”

She felt the way his cheeks were lifting in a smile. “How differently?” He whispered, intentionally seductive.

She punched him square in the bicep. “You’re the worst.”

After a breathy chuckle, Kylo fell silent against her, and the warmth of his body coupled with just how well he fit with her made each passing second turn fuzzy around the edges. It was easy to forget they had things to do, in moments like these.

Just not quite easy enough.

“So who first?” Rey asked, leaning in to press a kiss against his neck to soothe him. “Hux, or your mother?”

Kylo opened his mouth, and then realized what he was about to say and shook his head in laughter. It was a reaction Rey hadn’t even remotely been expecting, so she stared up at him wildly and waited for some sort of explanation.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this.” He admitted, his voice still shaking in a chuckle. “But Hux is the easier choice. Let’s go see him, first.”

Rey wanted to laugh at the absurdity of that sentence, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not when Kylo was clearly trying to push away from his mother, yet again. She was so close, but he still wasn’t ready.

Would he ever be?

She gave in and nodded, moving to disengage herself from him in order to get going. When his arms tightened around her body, she gave him a warning look, and in return received the most attractive, plush pout.

“He can wait another five minutes.” He bargained.

It felt so easy to give in to that. Hux would be just as angry in five minutes as he would be now; nothing would change, Kylo was right about that. The truth was a lot more complicated, however.

Her fingers lifted to brush across that pout, pulling his lower lip out slightly with their touch until it bounced back when she released it. “Can I tell you something?” She murmured, catching the way his eyes sharpened with sudden interest. “It’s hard to explain. Forgive me - I don’t have Hux’s way with words. But when I’m with you, I don’t feel time anymore. If it’s passing, I’m not aware of it. So if we don’t go now..”

Kylo’s expression turned dark, as desire flooded his gaze. “We won’t go at all.” He finished, understanding all too well what Rey was trying to tell him. It was so easy to get lost in her eyes, her touch, her kiss. There, nothing else mattered.

She nodded, a shy movement that almost didn’t seem real. “Let’s go see Hux.” She whispered, leaving the rest of the thought unspoken. _Before it’s too late._

Kylo released her from his clamped down hold, and even helped her up off of the bed before getting up himself. He took her hand, and brought it up to his face to kiss it with a fierce, wet press of his lips.

“So he really doesn’t want to get rid of us after all of that?” Rey asked, as she tugged him out the door.”

“Oh, he does.” Kylo murmured. “But I think he wants to keep us, even more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this I actually felt really unhappy with it, so I decided to just keep going and wrote the next chapter as well. Which I thought was good. Then I came back to this and edited and I guess I'm okay with it? I'm just more looking forward to what's coming next I suppose. 
> 
> That being said, any suggestions on how long I should wait before posting the next chapter? I've never had two chapters at once before so I have no idea what might be a good time between them. Maybe Tuesday? Give me your thoughts!
> 
> I'm 10k away from finishing Nano which means 1, maybe 2 more chapters (besides the next one) will happen before November is over if I can make it. They won't all be posted in November of course. So there will be posts all the way up to near TLJ, at which point I will take an early Christmas break AS WILL WE ALL AM I RIGHT AAAAAAA
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! STILL! I can't believe you guys are still with me!! THANK YOU!! T_T


	47. Chapter 47

“You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

Hux’s voice was so cold it nearly broke Rey’s heart. She’d walked in to Huxs quarters before Kylo, but refused to let go of his hand. Hux was facing away from the door as if he’d known they were coming, staring neutrally at the view of the stars outside of his clear wall enclosure. His arms were folded and he could see their reflection through the glass, but he refused to even look at them there.

“I am saddled with the entirety of the Resistance now residing on my ship - using _my_ resources - filling _my_ medical bays - and you have the gall to come in here after the stunt you tried to pull. As if I am not busy enough.”

“Hux-”

His hand lifted sharply, silencing her before she could say another word. Then it dropped, and he waited a few seconds before bothering to continue.

“I presume you are here to discuss matters pertaining to our current arrangement. And I am here to tell you that there are more _important_ matters to attend to. Contrary to what you might think, my mind is not at constant attention over your companionships. I am the leader of an entire regime, Rey. I am the last hope the First Order has of retaining any positive mark on this galaxy at all. I am also the last hope your precious Resistance has of _surviving_. Our petty squabbles over who upset whom can _wait._ ”

A low, dangerous growl purred out from behind her. “Hux.”

The sound of Kylo’s angry voice finally made Hux turn, only to look at him with a vaguely surprised expression. His eyebrows rose, startled. “Have I given you the wrong idea, then? Do not misunderstand our previous moments together. Despite what I may have demanded of you before, forgiveness is not something to be achieved while on your knees.”

Rey felt the surge of Kylo’s body as he moved to attack, and shifted herself to block him. She held a hand out to both men, though she was nowhere near Hux and it was therefore just a gesture. “Stop it. Both of you! You’re being ridiculous, and I’ve had enough of it.”

Kylo rose both eyebrows at her. He clearly did not think _he_ was being ridiculous. She held a finger up to keep him still, and then moved away to walk towards Hux.

Rey’s encroachment had Hux turning swiftly back around to the glass. It didn’t stop Rey from walking up to stand in front of him, grabbing his face with both of her hands, and pulling it down to look at him. His expression retained perfect impassiveness, but his eyes, as cold as they were, exposed his hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Rey said. “We worried you, because it was dangerous, and I can’t even promise it wouldn’t happen again. We’re not meant to sit on the sidelines, Hux. And neither were you. But I never wanted to hurt you, and I know that you’re scared.”

“How _dare_ -”

She pressed her fingers to his lips. “You’re scared that we’re going to go off and do something dangerous and you’ll lose us both, after spending a lifetime keeping people out so you wouldn’t have to feel loss, ever again. It’s why you don’t want Brendol on this mission, and it’s why you’re trying to brush us off, now. And I’m sorry, Hux. Because you’re a liar. And because you’re always going to care about whether or not we’re in danger, no matter how much you try not to. Just like we’ll always care about you. No amount of insults or lies or distance is ever going to change that. Not ever.”

Her finger dropped from his lips. His eyes had turned wild, enraged at how easily Rey had dug her nails deep into him and gotten to the very heart of it all. He was enraged at her for assuming he couldn’t just brush the two of them aside and focus on his work, the way he always had before he’d fallen in love with them.

Most of all, he was enraged because she was absolutely, irrevocably right. About everything.

And that made him _wrong_. But worse than that, it made him soft. It made him vulnerable. It made him theirs.

He struggled to swallow down the emotions that threatened to well up within him, but not once did he ever pull away from her eyes. This, at least, he knew he could handle.

“You can’t honestly be asking me to watch you fly off into danger, time and again, with no input on the matter.”

“No.” She agreed. “You’re right. And that’s our fault. I was just scared for Finn, and Kylo for his mother, and we didn’t think - I _am_ sorry for that, Hux. I wish we’d had time to talk to you, first.”

“What did you possibly think you could accomplish on your own, without my men and ships behind you?” Huxs voice cracked; the sound of emotion spurred Kylo into movement, finally coming to join them. He leaned in behind Hux, and rested his head against the man’s shoulder. 

It was a good question, one that neither Rey nor Kylo actually had the answer to. Just one more reason why they should have talked to Hux, first.

“I don’t know why you’re both getting so familiar with me,” Hux sniffed out, trying to present an air of indifference and failing miserably. “I don’t recall saying I forgive either of you.”

Rey leaned up, on her toes, just enough to press her lips against Huxs chin. He huffed out, barely containing the breath of _ridiculous_ from falling off his lips. “Please forgive us? Or at least tell us what we can do to earn your forgiveness?”

“Speak for yourself.” Kylo muttered. “I already-”

“ _Not_ like that.” Rey growled out, her nose pinching as she glared at Kylo for even bringing it up.

“I cannot imagine a single thing you could possibly do to earn my forgiveness.” Hux told them, ignoring Kylo’s crudeness entirely. His answer made Rey frown, but he was quick to rectify it with both a kiss, and a continuation of his answer. “But perhaps if you kept trying, I’ll tell you how I feel in a couple of years.”

She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect answer than that.

“We’re making him soft, Rey.” Kylo chided, earning himself a scoff from the Admiral. Rey let the comment slide, because she found that no matter how much he fought it, she liked Hux best when he was softer. She just rested her head on his chest, and fell quiet in another long, sweet moment of timelessness.

Eventually, be it a minute or an hour later, Huxs arms finally, _finally_ slid to wrap loose around her waist, and take hold of her. She smiled against his chest, and let time slip away. A moment like this refused to be rushed.

* * *

Admiral Hux had given General Organa one of the most plush, extravagant rooms his ship had to offer - next to his own, of course. It was nearly blinding with opulence, and it was no wonder that she’d turned it down the moment she’d seen it and opted for a standard room on the officers deck, instead. When they finally found her, she had only just returned from meeting after meeting with several of her high officers. She thought she’d finally be able to rest for a moment.

She’d gotten around ten minutes, before the door chimed with a visitor. She could feel _him_ through the wall, thrumming like a beacon of emotion, and knew the truth in that old saying; there is no rest for the weary. 

Her clothes were dirty, stained with soot and debris and blood, and she hadn’t even gotten a chance to change yet. She grabbed a small towel from the bathroom and wiped her face clean, then lamented at the state of her disarray.

This was not how she wanted to greet her son.

The door chimed a second time, and she grunted as she dropped the towel and walked to open it. “I’m coming.” She muttered under her breath, pressing a button on the wall to unlock and slide the door up and open. She wasn’t surprised to see Rey standing by Kylo’s side, in that doorway. She was a _little_ surprised to see Hux there, on his other side. She’d thought that perhaps this was going to be more of a family affair, and not some show of power.

Then she noticed that the Admiral had dressed down for this particular meeting, and wondered if she’d been right in the first place, after all.

“Come on in.” She said, getting out of the doorway. “I would like to say you’ve got good timing, but that’d be a lie. I haven’t even changed yet. Is there any chance this could wait a minute?”

“Take your time, General.” Hux offered, slipping inside first. “We’re in no rush.”

Kylo’s expression pinched, looking just a little put out that Hux was answering before he could. He would have given his mother the chance to change as well, but _he_ wanted to be the one to say it.. so when he entered behind, his shoulder bumped just enough into Hux’s to shove him out of the way of his mother’s view. The Admiral stumbled in his step, then swiveled to glare at Kylo, affronted by his behavior. With an unnecessary tug at his tunic and collar to straighten himself out, he turned away from them to take a seat.

“Go.” Kylo muttered sourly. “I’ll be here.”

His words had none of the pleasantries of Hux’s offer, or the warmth of Rey’s smile. And yet.

And yet Leia’s heart broke in two from the power of that one phrase, uttered to her by her only son. After all they’d been through, and all they’d lost, those words meant the world to her.

_I’ll be here._

Before the bittersweet pain could manifest itself on her face, she nodded swiftly and turned to leave the room. What she didn’t know - what she _had never known_ was just how pointless hiding her emotions from him really was.

Rey saw every ounce of Leia’s agony, as she let it out in the privacy of her bedroom. She saw it all, mirrored on Kylo’s expressive face.

His mother was crying. And so, Kylo cried, too.

Hux lifted up from the seat he’d brusquely taken, and pulled Kylo back with a hard tug to one arm. Kylo crumpled backwards, easily manhandled into Hux’s waiting arms. Behind him, the slight warmth of Rey’s body crushed against him, gathering them both up in a hug that she could barely manage with her arms. They smothered him between the two of them, until the echoes of Leia’s pain began to ebb, slowly, and fade away.

Soon he felt nothing, save for the sweet and solid comfort of being in their arms.

So this was peace, he told himself. 

None of them said another word. They just held him, their own comfort and calm drowning out everything else inside of him. He leeched it all until it felt like his own to have, and then closed his eyes and relaxed against Hux’s shoulder.

The door to Leia’s room opened, and Kylo felt Rey untangle herself from him first. Hux was more hesitant, choosing instead to move to the side and keep Kylo hefted up against half of his body. When his grey eyes met General Leia, there wasn’t an ounce of regret or shame in them. 

He, like Rey, wasn’t there for Leia. He was there for Kylo.

Kylo lifted his head up to examine his mother’s features. She’d gotten so much older, so quickly. It was there in the stress around her eyes, the loss of weight in her small frame, the grey along the sides of her hair. She’d never been a carefree individual, but Kylo had seen his mother laugh many times as a child. Now, it looked as though she hadn’t laughed in years.

His fault. His, and-

No. Just his.

Leia’s eyes were rimmed with red from having just cried, but her face was freshly washed and showed no other signs of turmoil. Her clothing was First Order issue, which would have set Hux to laughing if the moment wasn’t so somber. She moved to look straight up at her son, and it was clear she was studying all of his changed features, as well. The hardness of his jawline, the pronounced nose, the stubble on his cheek. Her fingers twitched, threatening to rise up and feel it, but she banished the thought before it took hold.

She wasn’t ready, yet.

And that scar, jagged and uneven across his entire face. That, more than anything, helped her distinguish the difference between the boy she’d raised, and the man in front of her. And there _was_ a difference.

She just couldn’t tell what to use to discern the difference between the man who’d killed her husband, and the man who’d helped save the entire Resistance, including herself. She wished there was a scar, just for that.

No, the last thing Ben needed was more scars.

She smirked up at him, small and sad, and he worked to meet her eyes. His throat bobbed with a hard swallow, as his throat closed up. He didn’t know what to say to her, now that she was here.

So she talked, instead.

“Is someone going to fill me in on exactly what’s going on here?” She asked, her voice still threaded with a vein of humor as she gestured with a finger towards both Rey, and Hux. It was Rey who was best equipped to try and handle that one, so she stepped forward and gave Leia an apologetic smile.

“We’re together. That’s - obviously there’s more to it than that, but that’s probably a topic better handled later. We just came to support Kylo.”

“I didn’t realize he needed this much support.”

She really didn’t. Hux and Rey shared a look behind Kylo’s back, and Leia caught the strange tension those words had caused. There was something under the skin that she hadn’t been filled in on yet, and had nothing to do with Kylo’s choice of bedfellows. Something that she suddenly realized she very much needed to know.

“Sit.” She commanded of the three of them. Surprisingly, they all complied without complaint, lined up in a row on a couch barely fitting all three of them.

Leia grabbed a chair from the other side of the room, turned it around, and straddled it. Her arms folded up on the edge of the chair, and rested there as she peered at each one of them in turn with a critical eye. Rey and Hux simply looked like they were waiting patiently for something. Kylo, however, was struggling.

Which meant he was the one who needed to talk.

“I’m ready to hear whatever you’ve got to say to me.” Leia told him, keeping her voice as calm as she could. “I’m listening.”

She was listening. For the first time, Kylo truly believed that. But was he ready to tell her everything? Or was this just going to collapse into another failed attempt?

Rey’s hand slid underneath his, curling her fingers through mechanical digits until he could feel her tight grip. He chanced a side glance at her quickly, and found her expression bubbling to the brim with hope. Pride, even. She believed in him. She didn’t doubt him, this time.

It hurt. It scalded, to feel that much hope pouring into him, endlessly flowing. Keeping him full. Keeping Leia’s pain _out_.

He could do this.

Turning back to his mother, he let out a sharp sigh and began. “I take it you understand the scope of the Supreme Leaders hand in my upbringing. Or at least enough of it to realize that he was always there. In fact, it was his specialty to be there when you and - Han - were _not._ ”

To her credit, Leia did not flinch. She nodded in understanding. “Not until after Luke had gone missing, did I come to really understand it. But yes. Too little, too late, I know.” She waved her hand as if to dismiss the accusation she herself had made on her own negligence. “But I never stopped believing in you. There’s always been good inside you, waiting to find its way out. I knew it. Han knew it.”

Kylo flinched at the name.

“And Rey seems to have figured it out, too.” She gave Rey a passing smile, before focusing back on her son. “Listen. I’m not going to ask you for forgiveness, though Force knows I want it. Not because you don’t deserve my apology, but because if I have to apologize, you do, too. And I think we’re past apologies by now, Ben.”

His lip lifted in a sneer at the name, and he pulled his eyes away from her gaze.

“What I _want_ is my son back. I don’t want to fix the past. I just want a fighting chance for the future. Is that even possible?”

It was the easiest thing she could have asked from him, and it still tore him clear in half to even consider it. She wanted to be in his life - that’s all she was asking, no more and no less. And it was all he could have offered, considering what he’d done to destroy their past. His, and hers, both.

“The boy you knew is gone.” Kylo warned, a threatening growl vibrating in his voice. “If you’re asking for him back, I have nothing to give you.”

Leia let those words resonate within her, shifting every emotion until she felt the heartache burn her best intentions to ash. He was right, of course. Her son, the precious, perfect boy she’d held in her arms until he’d fallen asleep, had died long before Han had. All she had left, all she could hope for, was the man standing in front of her.

Would it be enough?

“Then what?” She asked, her throat scratchy with bittersweet pain. 

He met her eyes again, and Leia was startled to see what looked like an unfamiliar glimmer of hope. She couldn’t have known yet that it was Rey’s emotions reflecting through his eyes, but she’d never seen her son look at her that way before. It jarred her.

He reached out, releasing Rey’s hand to take his mothers. Leia looked down to stare at it in wonder, turning the hand around. She hadn’t realized, until that moment, that underneath Kylo’s black glove hid a hand not unlike her brothers. Cold and hard and metal. The Skywalker legacy had taken its pound of flesh from out of her son, too. 

“Accept me.” He pleaded, forcing her eyes back to his. Her heart nearly burst, and for once, her emotions did not cripple Kylo. Rey and Hux had seen to that, easily. Kylo was able to speak to his mother despite the well of turmoil tearing her apart. “I am what’s left of Ben Solo.”

He paused, and his voice shook when he continued. “If you want me, _as I am_..”

Leia surged up out of her chair and it clattered to the floor as she leapt towards Kylo, slamming hard into him in order to give him a great big hug. He hadn’t been expecting any reaction out of her, let alone something so fervent and physical. His back dropped against the couch as he leaned back and caught her, his arms locking up in fear. How was he supposed to handle something like this? She felt so small, so much frailer than she’d been when he was younger. He felt like he’d break her if he hugged too hard.

So she did the hugging for them both, and he let her rest against his chest for as long as she wanted. Eventually, his paralysis faded, and his arms managed to find a middle ground between hugging her and keeping her from falling off of the couch.

Over his mother’s head, he caught glimpses of both his companions expressions, and gave them each a warning glance. If either of them made light of the moment later on, he was not going to be happy about it.

It wasn’t long before the mother within Leia gave way to the General that had kept her hidden all this time, and she stood back up off of her son. She thought it was fair, allowing herself that one vulnerable moment, after all this time. She had earned that much, at least.

“Right.” She huffed out, reaching up to fix her hair. “I guess you have your answer. But if you think for one moment I’m going to call you _Kylo Ren_ -”

“Mother.” She went silent the moment she heard him say that word. It brought back so many memories that it had her knees buckling, and she moved swiftly to pick up the chair she’d knocked over just to have a place to sit. After letting out a shaky breath, she turned her head up to him again.

Kylo had given her the time to regroup. Because he was sure she would need it.

“There’s more.”

Leia’s eyebrows furrowed tightly in suspicion. That made no sense to her. Had he done something else, something so wicked it could ruin what little they’d just put back together? She was already racing through possibilities in her mind, when she realized guilt was not present in his expression.

Just sorrow.

“Luke never told you what was wrong with me.”

Rey reached out and squeezed his hand again. When he looked at her, she shook her head.

“What was.. troubling me.” He amended, when it was clear Rey wasn’t going to let him continue thinking he was broken, anymore.

“And neither did I. Because if I’d told you, it would mean admitting that I knew how you felt about me. How you _always_ felt about me.”

Leia’s expression hadn’t changed. She still looked suspicious, and confused. “I loved you.” She told him, in a demanding tone. “I’ve always loved you.”

Kylo couldn’t quite meet her eyes.

“Snoke once told me it was called Force Empathy. This power.. he said it made me unique. That no one could ever lie to me, because I could feel every emotion within. And in that, he was right. I felt _everything_. Even fleeting thoughts. Moments of frustration, of exhaustion, of anger.”

Rey remembered the dream, the way Leia’s thoughts had fallen ever so briefly to wanting him _out, out, out-_

Never truly wanting her son gone. But those brief moments of frustration built into something a young, impressionable boy was unprepared to hear. And unqualified to understand.

“I would _feel_ you.” He growled, his eyes distant as his memory started to steal his attention. “Every time he left. Every time we fought. Every time you cried in your room because you thought I would have been enough to keep him with you longer, but instead you were left with the fate of the New Republic weighing on your shoulders _and_ a troubled Force sensitive child tearing at your last nerves. And I knew. I knew there were times when you regretted everything. You regretted him. And if you regretted him, then you regretted _me_.”

His eyes flickered back to his mother and sharpened, when he heard her sharp inhale of breath. His gaze followed her hands, reaching out towards him, just asking for his own. He hesitated, before offering the one that Rey did not hold.

Leia squeezed it hard, and he stared, focusing on how tiny her hand looked against his own. It was easier to focus on that, than on what they were talking about.

“I _never_ regretted you. Not even when you left us. I don’t think I really regretted him either, although at the time I sure as hell felt like I did. Ben, how could you have felt all these things, and never once told me? How did you not go crazy?”

His tormented eyes lifted up to hers. He didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to admit that his only source of sanity, of comfort, of _belonging_ , had been..

“Snoke.”

She breathed it out, recognition hitting her before he even had to say it. He nodded.

“That bastard had you in even more ways than I knew about.” Leia growled, her hand clutching his angrily. She turned her head sharply towards Hux, catching him by surprise. “Is he dead yet?”

A startling chuckle escaped Hux before he could control himself. Immediately after it left him, he cleared his throat, and glared in challenge to the group as if to dare them to mention it. “Sadly, no. We are working very hard to make that happen as quickly as possible, but he is about as easy to find as - well. Skywalker.”

“ _Not_ that they’re looking for him anymore.” Rey chimed in quickly, to alleviate what she thought would be a tense situation. Surprisingly, Leia did not look interested in taking the bait. She smiled, her eyes remaining on Hux for a little longer. It was as if she’d found something more interesting in him than she’d expected, and she was latching on to it.

It had his back straightening into a haughty pose.

“Speaking of, I guess now’s a good enough time to tell you the truth about that, since we’re in the mood for sharing.” Leia’s voice scratched out humorously. Suddenly, she had everyone’s attention. So she leaned back, let go of Kylo’s hand, and folded her hands in front of her. 

“Directly after your visit, R2D2 came back online.” She turned to Rey to quickly explain. “He’s Luke’s droid. He’s been offline ever since Luke disappeared. And he had exactly what we needed to find him.”

Rey lifted her hands to cover her lips, breathing in a sharp inhale. Kylo, however, looked neither surprised nor interested. If anything, he’d withdrawn back to the crueler demeanor he was well known for, feigning almost annoyed disinterest.

“You found him.” Rey breathed out, a smile breaking across her face. 

Leia shook her hand in front of her from side to side. “Mm, sort of. We know where he is. We’ve been in contact. But he’s not coming back.”

Kylo snorted.

“Why?!” Rey nearly shouted, leaning in. She sounded genuinely offended. “Doesn’t he realize how much good he could do? The lives he could save?”

Leia looked about as comfortable discussing this as Kylo was, by this point. “My brother is.. he’s been through enough. If he wants to live out the rest of his days being a selfish brat in the middle of nowhere, then I guess - that’s his choice to make.” She could see just how frustrated Rey was becoming, and relented in her discomfort. She reached out to press a hand on Rey’s knee. “Besides. I think he’s saved the entire galaxy more than all of us combined and then some. Even I have to admit that asking so much of him again is a little selfish. And don’t get me wrong - I tried. _Hard._ ”

“No one tells Luke Skywalker what to do.” Kylo growled out, his disinterest exposed for the lie that it was in the angry shake of his voice.

“Did you tell him about..” Rey let the sentence trail off, unable to put into words just what Leia could have possibly told Luke about the Resistance and the First Order joining forces after all he’d fought against. It seemed an impossible task.

“He knows.” Leia said, simply. Her eyes lifted to look up at Kylo briefly, before returning to Rey. “All of it.”

“It’s no _wonder_ he refuses you.” Kylo hissed out, his temper starting to get the best of him. It seemed his patience had been saved only for his mother. And now that patience had run out.

“He refused me before I’d even said hello.” Leia shot back in irritation. “That was how he greeted me. Crotchety old man. Rebuking me for my attempts. _’You think that I came to the most unfindable place in the galaxy for no reason at all?’_ I would have slapped him, if I’d been on that planet when he’d said it.”

Rey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could Luke Skywalker, the legendary hero of the entire galaxy, turn away his own sister like that? Had he gone mad? Or was there something she just didn’t know?

She turned to look up at Kylo, but he had no answers for her. He simply looked smug, as if he’d known all along how Luke would react when he was found. Perhaps that was why he’d been the one searching so hard for him, all this time.

Rey learned something new, in that moment. The Skywalker family - the lot of them, really - were the most stubborn, temperamental group of people she’d ever met in her entire life.

“Family issues aside,” Hux said, his voice clearing for attention. “Skywalkers assistance is unnecessary. If he refuses to join us, it changes nothing of our plans. What matters now is finding, and eliminating Snoke. Wouldn’t you agree, General Organa?”

Leia’s lips pursed as the last of her frustration over her brothers defiance washed over her, and then she nodded in agreement. “Couldn’t agree more. Once everyone is out of medical, we’ll assist whatever plot you’ve got going if you need us. I’ve been meeting with my Generals to find a suitable world on which to settle back down and recover. If you’ve got any good ideas, now’s the time to speak up.”

Hux gave her a patronizing smile. “My dear General Organa. I thought you’d _never_ ask. Since before you arrived, I’ve secured information on seven possibilities and had them all thoroughly vetted. You’ll find my choices satisfactory, but there is an alternative.”

Leia’s eyes narrowed. Even Rey felt that sounded a little.. Suspicious.

“And that is?”

“My armada can house more men than we have by far. We’re spread thin, which means we have room. Room for you, that is. _All_ of you.”

Kylo’s head twisted to stare at Hux. This was the first he’d heard of this plan - not that he should have been surprised to find that Hux was keeping secrets yet again.

Leia sat back in her chair and let his words sink in, turning just a little pale at the offer. “You want us to join the First Order.” She accused in a breathy, almost impressed voice.

Hux shook his head, his smile curling up tight on the sides. “Absolutely not. I’m offering you shelter, a base of operations, and full use of the technology and services a fully operational battleship can offer. I am not suggesting you fall under my jurisdiction of service. You will be no more conscripted to me than Rey is. She has, under no condition, ever been charged with a task or duty as a member of the First Order. All she has done has been of her own accord - and will continue to be so. That, General Organa, is what I offer.”

It all sounded so innocent. There was not a single person in that room who did not think there was a catch.

“I’ll bring it up with my command.” Leia said, her words coming slow and careful. “But you should probably send that list of planets. Something tells me the offer isn’t going to go over as well as you’d hope.”

Hux gave her a single, cordial nod. “Consider it done. Anything to help.”

Rey bit her lip, hard. 

“Have you discovered the culprit for this heinous attack on your base yet? If you are in need of any investigative or interrogation services..”

Leia waved Hux’s offer away. “They’re dead. It’s made to look like an unrelated attack, mercenaries who’d died in the explosion, but I know better. Whoever hired those men to take down our base made sure they would go down with it. I don’t have any doubts that this was Snoke’s doing. But, right now, we’re more focused on what comes next. We’re no good like this. It’ll be some time before the Resistance is running again. Until then.. we appreciate your help.”

There was a long moment of silence, before Leia looked up at Kylo, and pressed both of her hands against his knees. She still couldn’t fathom how the boy could have developed with a power like Force Empathy, and never shared his struggles with anyone but an omnipresent disembodied voice, one that eventually led him to ruin. It was simply unfathomable.

“I know I said I wouldn’t apologize to you for everything, earlier.” She murmured, her voice low and private. Rey sat back, feeling suddenly like she and Hux shouldn’t be there. This moment felt too important to be interrupted.

“But that was before I knew. About all of it. You were just a child, and I can’t imagine - I just hope you understand that I never, _ever_ wanted anything but for you to be happy. If I thought otherwise in moments of weakness, it wasn’t really me.”

Kylo’s eyes thinned as he fought back the emotional anguish these memories brought out within him. And Rey sucked in a quiet breath, when she felt them. Because they were his.

Just his.

“It took me a very long time to understand.” Kylo whispered. “And only now, am I coming to terms with the irrationality of my childhood. But there’s nothing I can do about that, now.”

Leia smiled up at him, her face leaning in to come close. There were tears waiting to be shed in her eyes as she lifted her hand up, and finally rested it against his cheek the way she’d wanted to the first time she’d seen him. His eyes closed at the touch, and he leaned into her hand.

Her son.

“You’re wrong.” She told him. “You can give me tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. You can be my _son_.”

He shifted down to fall into her arms, which had lifted to hold him out of pure instinct when he moved. His face buried into his mother’s shoulder, and he shook, burying years of agony and betrayal into the crook of her neck in the form of silent, body shaking sobs. She brushed his hair and let him cry, holding her son in her arms and reveling in how lucky she felt to finally have him back, despite all the odds. 

This time, she was determined to never, ever let him go.

She bent her head to press a kiss into the side of his hair and whispered softly into the curve of his ear.

“I love you.”

He broke, then. She could hear it in the sound that came from deep within him, and the way his arms latched tighter around her, holding on to her for dear life. When whatever was within him finally released the iron grip it had grasped around his throat, he sucked in a deep breath.

It felt like the very first breath he’d taken in a long, long time.

He exhaled against his mother’s shoulder, and tilted to press his forehead against the side of her head. Then, he just.. breathed.

She felt his answer in the Force, like a whisper meant only for her. Unintentionally echoing a time long past, a moment just as terrifying. It made her heart break to feel it, and know just how similar Ben always would be to his father, no matter how hard he tried to be otherwise.

_I know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed this chapter. Not even because its important for the story, which it is, but because I need Leia and Kylo making up, damnit. Don't let me down, TLJ. You're our only hope.
> 
> So I didn't think I'd use the cliche phrasing at the end there, until I realized just how important that specific answer was. He has no idea that's the kind of thing Han would say, but I feel like it's more important for Kylo to admit that he finally ACTUALLY believes his mother loves him, after a lifetime of being sure she did not. There's no doubt that he loves her, but finally coming to accept that she does love him unconditionally is a thousand times more important.
> 
> It just happened to fall in line perfectly with that good old Han line. 
> 
> Next chapter's going to be 100% calm before the storm fluff. ENJOY.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warnings: Explicit sexual content
> 
> This chapter is 80% fluff, 20% smut, and 100% Reylux.

Having one medical bay, as enormous as it was, still ended up being insufficient for the sheer number of injured that were in need of assistance. Once those in mortal peril had been treated, it became a nightmare of lines and waiting, which Hux quickly saw to by hailing two other battle cruisers to his location to assist. The citizens of the planet who hadn’t been members of the Resistance were moved to the _Dominance_ , while half of the Resistance itself was transported over to the _Absolution_. This process strained many of the high officers, reluctant to let their people move without full assurances that they would be safe.

Those assurances did not come easily. It took General Leia’s stubborn force of will to convince them that their pride had to take a back seat to the well being of thousands of injured people. And even then, many of the high officers transferred with the Resistance, as if their presence could assure them safety.

It was a tense, brutal negotiation. The patience of many of Hux’s First Order officers were being tested on a daily basis. And nothing, not even the tiniest accommodation change, ever came easy.

The only positive side to all of this was that Rey felt the Resistance was safer here, on board Hux’s ships, than they would ever be on any other planet. If retaliation came, the fleet would be well prepared to handle it. And of course, because this overwhelming security existed, no retaliation came.

A strange, uncomfortable peace fell over the Resistance and the First Order. Never quite right. Petty squabbles in mess halls became the only disturbances between the two former sides of a great war. It was.. odd.

Brendol still searched, his frustrations becoming more apparent with every passing day. He’d never known failure when it came to this kind of investigation, and every time Rey saw him she could tell it was taking its toll. He never left his control room, and she often found his meals left untouched by his feet when she came to see him.

His determination was impressive. But his self-care was atrocious. The room had begun to take on a very distinctive smell. Hux often ordered him to take a shower, but his orders were largely ignored.

When it came to Rey, she’d found a pleasant rhythm in her daily life. She trained with Kylo in the mornings, visited Finn and Poe and sometimes even General Organa for lunch, had dinner with Kylo and Hux, and spent some of her evenings alone. It had become an uncommon, but welcome occurrence to be able to crawl into Kylo’s bed and sleep there, murmuring to one another in hushed tones until one or the other fell asleep. 

It felt like the calm before a storm. She understood that, and took full advantage of every happy moment. As if it might be her last.

She missed Hux. His life had become a whirlwind of activity, and she often wondered if he ever slept at all. He might have admonished Brendol for his lack of self-care, but he was almost as terrible at it himself. She shared this ache with Kylo often, when they whispered in the darkness. Was he eating? Did he get enough sleep? Didn’t he taste more like smoke every day, when he kissed them goodnight? Was it right, to give him the time and space he claimed he so desperately needed, when in truth it left him so alone?

She brought all of these worries up yet again one night, more than a week after the attack on the Resistance base. She waited for Kylo to tell her he believed in Hux, and believed he’d come back to them, when this was all over. Just as he normally told her, every night she stayed with him.

This night, he fell silent, and shifted with impatience.

“Kylo?” She asked him, moving to sit up. He let her lean her arms on his chest, and she used them to push herself up over him. Her hair, having been released from her buns by his fingers long ago, brushed down against her cheeks and tickled the edges of his jaw.

She was so effortlessly beautiful to him, even - or perhaps especially - in the dark.

“You’re not saying anything.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, and let the silence linger. There was a strange excitement building up in Rey, and he knew how dangerous it was to let it fester. Still, he did nothing.

“Should we check on him?” She whispered, rising up even further until she sat curled up against his side. He reached out to try and pull her back to bed, but she wanted none of it. The idea had already taken root, setting her feet to the cold floor. It was useless to try and sway her, now.

He found he didn’t want to, even though he knew he should.

“He’ll be mad at us.” Kylo warned, even as his enormous chest rose to sit up on the bed. He rested one arm on a bent knee, and favored Rey with a dubious glare. “You know he won’t be happy about it.”

Kylo might as well have said yes to her, for all it was worth. She grinned and hopped up off of the bed, disappearing to find an appropriate pair of pants to wear so she wasn’t walking the halls of the Finalizer in nothing but Kylo’s long tunic. She wrapped a sash of fabric around her waist to cinch it, and bounced on her heels while Kylo lagged at getting ready. He rubbed the exhaustion out of his eyes, and padded up to her, setting a hand on her shoulder to still the bouncing.

“I really don’t get why you’re so happy. The moment we get there, he’s just going to kick us out.”

Kylo was probably right. Hux had made it clear how he felt about spending the night, and he’d reminded them repeatedly of how important it was for him to keep a clear, focused mind right now. They’d respected his wishes. Now, Rey was ready to disrespect them, just a little bit.

“Then at least we’ll get to see him. That’ll be worth it.”

“Really?” Kylo snorted out sarcastically. Even so, he slid a black button down shirt through his arms and over his shoulders, leaving it to hang open. Rey took a long look at him, her eyes roaming the sliver of chest exposed between cloth, and decided that even if Kylo didn’t mean it, she was positive he’d just assured Hux would let them stay a little while longer.

So she patted his stomach in praise, and gave him an approving smile. He stared down at her, then his stomach, in confusion.

“Do you think he’s eating well?” She asked him, activating the door controls as she hopped outside.

He was still slipping on a pair of shoes when he watched her leave, and stared out after her in the doorway. She stuck her head back in when she realized he wasn’t moving, and arched a brow at his lack of response.

“What?”

Kylo’s eyes followed down the trail of Rey’s body. It was cruel how good she looked, wrapped in his oversized tunic - but no matter how his eyes wanted to linger on her curves, it was her feet they settled on.

“You’re not wearing any shoes.”

She looked down at her own bare feet, and wiggled her toes in response. “It’s not that far. Come on.”

She disappeared past the doorway, and Kylo was reminded of the wildness still buried in his scavenger. He imagined her life on Jakku, as he often had before she’d gotten to know him. But this time, there was no cruel jealousy tainting his curiosity. He no longer wondered how a mere scavenger from Jakku could have so much raw power.

Now, all he felt was pride.

He heard her yelling for him down the hallway, and trudged quickly out of his bedroom to follow.

* * *

There were pieces missing. Hux absolutely _hated_ when there were pieces missing. 

He’d brought up every bit of information gathered by Brendol, every shred of evidence and every possible lead. They splayed out in front of him, dozens of holographic images floating in an arc around his desk. He could see connections, where Snoke had gotten careless. He found patterns in the mayhem, and put them all together.

And when he was done, he could tell he was missing _something_. Snoke’s motivation, his ultimate goal, still laid just out of reach, maddening in its elusiveness. There was a detail he was overlooking, or perhaps more than one, perhaps many, perhaps -

Perhaps this was hopeless, and Snoke was playing him for a fool.

Hux’s head dropped as he slammed both of his fists into his desk, distorting all of the holograms with the vibration of it. Failure was not an option for him. Not when it meant Snoke would ultimately find Rey again, and -

The door chimed. His heart clenched with surprise as his head snapped up. Who the hell was coming to see him at this time of night?

Was there really any other answer?

“Come in.” He called out, slumping into his seat as the door slid open and his two companions entered his quarters. The holograms littering his desk were shut off, one by one, as they came closer. To Rey, Hux looked gaunt and sickly in the blue glow of the holographic images. She’d brought him a morning meal, what looked like a bowl of something tasteless and a slice of bread covered in jelly. She’d briefly considered waking Mitaka up to make something more appetizing, but thought better of it when she’d seen the time.

She settled the tray down on his desk as he shut off the last of his holograms. He pressed down on a small lever atop his desk controls to raise the lighting of the room just enough to see them both, and found Rey surprisingly bubbly considering how late it was.

He tried not to look at Kylo too long. That man was built for distraction.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He breathed out, reaching for a cigarette from an ashtray that was full of them. Rey counted almost fifteen stubs, from where she could see them.

But at least he wasn’t kicking them out. That was a good sign.

“We couldn’t sleep.” Rey lied, her lips twitching in mischief. “And we missed you. That’s all.”

Hux brought the cigarette to his lips and took a long, contemplative drag as his eyes took in every one of her features. He took his time before his arm rose, patting the thick of his thigh. She took the invitation, and sat down carefully on his leg. “Is that true, Kylo?” He asked, around the cigarette. “Did you miss me?”

Kylo smirked, the movement tugging up one side of his cheeks. He moved with sinuous grace towards the two, reaching down to take Huxs cigarette out of his mouth and settle it in the ashtray. Then, he bent his body into a right angle just for the chance to press a chaste, but meaningful kiss against Huxs lips. When he stood straight up again, he found his lover amused, but speechless. Surely he’d expected some sarcastic quip, some form of denial. Instead Kylo had answered him, not with words, but by taking from him exactly what he wanted at that moment.

Hux was well and truly missed.

He picked his cigarette back up again and rubbed it out, curling a finger around the smoke that drifted up in ribbons around his hand. Rey was reaching for the food she’d brought him, and he let out an unhappy groan.

“Don’t forcefeed me, Rey. I eat enough as it is.”

“Is that right?” She said, holding up the bread. “How many meals have you have today? If the answer is one, you’re eating this.”

He leaned forward, pushing past the bread just to get closer to her face. “I can think of such better ways to nourish me.” He told her, a sly smile betraying his intentions with ease.

Rey sucked a sharp breath in, and then hastily brought the bread up to his lips. “And I’m sure they’re wonderful ideas, but you’re still going to eat this for me.” She told him, her resolve wavering at his implications. “Come on. Open up.”

Hux took a bite. If only because he liked the way she couldn’t quite look in his eyes as she fed him. And perhaps because he found he rather liked being hand fed, after all.

“Are you sleeping well?” Rey asked. She sounded nervous, as if she was trying to find her way around a more important question through this one. She picked at the crust of the bread, and then sucked the crumbs off of her thumb.

She had both men’s attention.

“As well as can be expected. I should say I believe I am getting enough sleep, seeing as my cognitive functions have not suffered at the hands of exhaustion as of late. And yourselves?”

Rey held up the bread again. Hux obliged with another bite. “Surprisingly well. Even when nightmares wake us, we’re still pretty quick to fall back asleep.”

In her answer Hux caught information he hadn’t known, but wasn’t surprised to hear. They slept together; perhaps not in the cruder sense, but certainly in the same bed. He’d watched them sleep, wrapped up in one another like needy children, twice before. They looked like two people who truly needed another body against them in order to feel safe enough to give in to oblivion.

And as they well knew, he was not that kind of person.

Still, there was a strange, almost delicious enjoyment to be gained from watching them crumple into one another. Rey often disappeared inside of Kylo’s enormous body, his long limbs wrapping around what little of her was not pressed against that wall of muscle the man called a chest.

It was tempting, every so often. He’d almost fallen asleep in Kylo’s arms, once. When he realized what was happening, Kylo had been kicked firmly out.

But the guiltiest pleasure he’d ever known was watching Rey sleep. Even from across the room, Hux found it easy to let go of every tether to solid ground he held fast, just to float in the timeless comfort of watching the girl drift in peace.

Having them both here felt dangerous. He took another bite of the bread Rey offered, and narrowed his eyes as he contemplated it.

“I spoke to my mother, today.” Kylo muttered, offering what sounded like an actual attempt at polite conversation. He sat on Hux’s desk, and Hux frowned deeply at the sight of it.

“She told me they were thinking about taking back Dantooine. It hadn’t been on their list of possibilities until you’d offered it, since it’s under First Order control. That’s - something, I suppose.”

Hux should have been pleased to hear that General Organa and the Resistance had chosen one of his offers, but as he chewed the sweet bread Rey had given him, his mood soured considerably. “I take it to mean they have not given my offer to remain on board any serious consideration.” He grumbled, licking the sugar off of his lower lip. 

“Oh no, they have.” Kylo sounded strangely upbeat to speak of it. “The arguments have been heated. I’ll be the first to admit I enjoyed listening to them snap at one another with petty anger.”

“ _Kylo._ ” Rey scolded him, even as she put the last of the bread to Huxs mouth. He took her fingers with it, subtly licking the tips of them clean. And whatever further scolding she was going to give the Commander melted away, in place of a quiet, head-ducking shyness. 

She was happy, Hux knew, but he wagered she was also rather pent up from withholding herself. She knew that Hux and Kylo had not denied one another, as of late - but she denied herself, because she still wasn’t sure if a physical, sexual relationship was in her interests. It never had been, before.

By the way she reacted just from the touch of his tongue on her fingertip, he suspected she would figure herself out sooner, rather than later. But at the very least, their patience and her resolve would just mean that when she was ready, Rey would be startlingly sensitive. Once she gave herself up to her desire, he suspected they would be able to make her _sing_.

Kylo cleared his throat. When Hux turned to look up at him with a slow blink, he realized the man was flushed red all the way down his chest. Hux might not have shown any true outward signs of desire, but he’d turned hungry within; and Kylo felt the brunt force of that, this close.

He ran a hand up the length of Kylo’s toned abs and plush chest. Red was a good color on him. A very good color.

“What were we talking about?” Rey’s voice cracked in a higher pitch than usual. She cleared it and continued, leaning over to grab the bowl. “Oh. Right. Leia. Resistance.” She grasped at every word she could remember, trying to push away the heat bubbling between all three of them.

“I’ve been wondering about it. Why do I get the feeling you really want them to stay on your ships? They’re not going to be happy here. And they’re just going to cause you expense, and resources, and - and there’s something I’m missing. I always am, when it comes to you.” She held a spoonful up to his lips. “But I’m genuinely curious about your reasoning, this time.”

He opened his mouth, and licked the bottom of the spoon. Rey cursed under her breath.

“Hux, stop teasing her.”

Kylo had gotten up from his seat on Huxs desk, and he began to pace the room in a vain effort to cool down. Hux took the spoon from Rey’s hand, and put it back in the bowl where it belonged as he watched his lover pace.

“If she doesn’t want me to tease her, she’ll tell me. It isn’t as if I’m asking her to follow through on anything suggestive. A bit of fun hurts no one.”

“It hurts me a little.” Kylo muttered under his breath, adjusting his sleep pants out of their line of sight.

Hux turned to Rey, his expression flat and sincere. “Would you rather I not tease you, Rey? Does it upset you? Say the word, and it won’t happen again.”

Something about the finality in Huxs words terrified Rey. Her eyes widened, and she shook her head quickly in response. “You don’t upset me. You fluster me a bit, but I thought - isn’t that part of being attracted to someone? Am I wrong?”

She looked up to Kylo’s back for answers. His head turned, side glancing at her over his shoulder, and he realized that blaming Hux for flustering her would be equivalent to blaming her for flustering Kylo. Except Hux was doing it on _purpose_.. but if Kylo disagreed now, he knew that she would still think she was doing something wrong any time she triggered his desire.

And then she would grow distant. Something he could not tolerate.

“You’re not wrong.” Kylo finally muttered over his shoulder. “Hux is just. Very. Very. _Good at it._ ” He said the last through clenched teeth, and he could hear Hux chuckling under his breath behind him. Kylo’s fists tightened, before he forced them to release.

“He is correct about that, my dear Rey. I must admit I possess a bit more experience in the art of seduction, but I can promise that you have _natural_ talent. You could woo me with the blink of an eye, should you ever please. And I would be grateful for it. But if there is ever a time where my actions make you uncomfortable, you’re still free to tell me to stop. I always will. I promise.”

His words felt like a warm wash of comfort that sunk all the way down to her bones, and she wrapped her arms around his neck in a loose hug. Her smile, brilliant as it was, still had the flush of pink cheeks framing it. She looked like she was finally able to enjoy being teased without guilt.

Hux thought no victory was greater than this.

Rey’s hands reached up to toy with the nape of Huxs neck, where fine baby hairs stood on end at her touch. She watched his expression grow lax, and almost sleepy. It was exactly what he needed. She was exactly what he needed.

“I have an offer to extend to you both.” Hux murmured, his voice suddenly thick and gravel-worn. “A one time offer. At least, for now.”

Kylo turned around, and Rey lifted her head off of his shoulder to give him her full attention. She could tell he was struggling, just a little bit, with something. She could also tell that it was a losing battle, and whatever anxiety he had about them being there was thoroughly smothered by a thick blanket of content. She could see it in his eyes.

Are you happy, he’d asked her. She didn’t need to ask him the same, when he looked at her like that.

“Stay.” That was all he could manage, and yet it was more than enough. Kylo’s back straightened and Rey’s breath stilled as she held it. She wanted to ask him for clarification. Did he mean stay here, in his room, the way she hoped he meant? Or was he speaking in vague terms, simply asking them never to leave him?

She found it a little funny to realize that she was hoping for the former, more than the latter. This might have been because she already believed the latter had been established, and she was never going to leave either of them. Ever.

She heard Kylo’s footsteps behind her as he thudded closer, and he came into view once he’d knelt in front of Hux. His hands rested on Huxs empty knee, covering it until it was lost in the spanse of his impressively big hands. Kylo did not kneel in front of people often, but he’d done so without issue in that moment. That was because this was not about power, anymore. He was not offering himself up to Hux like a prize. Instead, he was there for support.

“Tonight?” Rey finally found the nerve to ask, even if the thought of being turned away suddenly made her sick to her stomach. Hux turned to her, his silence passing in agonizing seconds that felt like days, until he finally nodded.

“Tonight.”

Her grin came slow, but it stretched across her entire face once it had finished. She looked like he’d just given her the greatest gift ever known to man; and he had. In her opinion, he had.

When Hux turned to Kylo, he found a similar grin plastered on the grown man’s face. It made him lurch with sudden indecision, wondering if he’d just opened the floodgates to something he was sorely unprepared for. He leaned in, and put his hand on Kylo’s face.

“Unless you both keep grinning at me like madmen. Then I want you gone, immediately.”

Their grins downgraded to smiles, but somehow they looked no less thrilled.

“Now?” Rey asked, her voice pitching with hope.

He looked down at his desk for a moment, lamenting how much work he still had left to do, and how little progress he’d managed during the day. He considered asking for another hour, maybe two, until he saw the time.

And then he saw their faces, again.

Was there really any other choice?

“Now. Let me go change, you absolute scoundrels.” He growled out, shooing them both off of him. They scattered, moving instead to return to the state of undress they preferred to sleep in, leaving piles of clothing on the floor of Huxs bedroom.

When Hux returned from the bathroom, wearing what looked like an expensive silk blouse and trousers underneath an even more expensive silk robe, he eyed their messes disdainfully. It took them several seconds to realize what he was doing, but Kylo was the one who leapt into action first; he grabbed both his shirt and Rey’s pants and sash, balling them up and putting them on top of a chair. 

Hux stared at the crumpled mess, and wondered if Kylo actually thought that was any better.

When it was clear that this was the extent of what he could expect from them, he shoo’d Kylo back to the bed, where he and Rey had already begun making themselves comfortable. Hux’s bed was extravagant, unlike the rest of the room which seemed stark in comparison. It was extraordinarily large for a single mans use, and made of material so soft it almost swallowed Rey whole. When she’d imagined Huxs bed, Rey had often imagined something hard, unforgiving and unremarkable. It was a reflection of the way he held his body rigid, every part of him made up of sharp angles jutting up in every direction. Seeing him now, wrapped up in layers of silk and clean, product free hair, Hux looked like a different person altogether. His angles had gone soft around the edges, everywhere but his face. There, his tension kept him rigid and taut, even now.

He watched Kylo bury himself under the plush covers of his bed until the bantha of a man disappeared and left a giant bump in his place. Rey was on top of the covers, cuddling up with one of his pillows and pressing it against her face.

This was a mistake. They were obnoxious children, and this was a mistake. He should not have dared to share the sanctum of his bed with these two, no matter how much he loved them.

Not love, he chastised himself. Even thinking the word was absurd. He quickly forced himself to forget it ever crossed his mind, blaming it on the ridiculousness of the moment.

Rey realized that Hux was just standing there watching them, so she put down the pillow, and held out her hand. He stared at it, sniffing in a detached manner, and she crawled up onto her hands and knees to edge closer.

Instead of getting to him, once she’d crossed the top edge of the bed, where the bump was waiting, she screeched as something gripped her by the legs and sucked her down under the covers, disappearing there.

Hux turned his head back, eyeing his cigarettes with an aching need.

“I did not invite you both here for playtime.” He reminded them, turning back to see Kylo emerge from the covers with Reys waist in one arm. “If this is how it’s going to be..”

“We’re sorry.” Rey said, before he could finish the thought. She held out her hand again. “We’ll behave. You need your sleep. That’s all we’re here for.”

“Speak for yourself.” Kylo muttered, under his breath. He received a firm, no nonsense kick right in the thigh.

His subsequent grunt of pain was enough to set Hux at ease. So he took Rey’s hand, patted it, and then set it down again. He had to remove his robe first, and he did so with great care. He hung it on the banister of his bed, slid a hand down its length to brush any wrinkles out, and then returned to crawl onto the bed. He stayed just enough out of their reach, as he slid his legs under the covers.

Rey had sunk into the middle of the bed, but the pressure of both men on either side had managed to keep her afloat just a little higher. She snuggled down into the covers, plucking the pillow she’d been holding and sliding it under her head. When she laid down, her body was turned to the side, facing up towards Hux with far too much adoration for his liking.

Kylo still had his arm around Rey’s waist. He simply fell into place, sliding under the covers and taking whatever Rey gave him. Hux wondered if the man had become reliant on Rey’s body curving against his, in order to sleep.

He dreaded the idea of ever being that dependant. 

When they looked relatively settled in, he decided to make an offering. He leaned over Rey’s body, and pressed a soft kiss to Kylo’s forehead. When he pulled away, he bent in and did the same for Rey. Then he settled back onto the headboard, propping himself up with pillows until he was comfortable. He could tell they’d gone silent and still at his token of affection, but he didn’t let it phase him. Let them wonder at what else Hux would surprise them with, in the future. He would relish their bewilderment.

He reached underneath the mattress and pulled out a datapad, loaded with a piece of literature in it whose language neither Kylo nor Rey would have recognized. He switched it on, and became easily engrossed in the book.

Or so he’d thought.

A handful of minutes passed, before he finally realized he’d re-read the same sentence three times and hadn’t retained the information. He shut off the pad, and turned his head to the two laying on his bed. Both of them had their eyes wide open, just watching him read.

It was, for lack of a better term, _creepy._

“Can I help you?” He asked, sliding the pad back underneath the mattress. Where he should have expected shame, or at the very least embarrassment, all that he got from them was a pair of matching smiles. It was infuriating, how similar they could be at times.

“We were just waiting.” Rey said, her hand reaching out for him again. He took it this time, allowing himself to be guided down to lay beside her. A shock went through him when he realized it was the first time he’d laid against her, like this. He took advantage of the moment, sliding his arm to rest around her waist, right beside Kylo’s larger one.

“For what?” He asked her, his eyes suddenly distracted by how close her lips were to his.

“For you to actually sleep.” Kylo answered, reaching out to brush curious fingers against Huxs cheek. Red eyelashes fluttered at the touch, and his body slowly relaxed down into the bed. 

“I had planned to let you fall asleep first, before attempting it.” Hux admitted, even though just saying that was as good as admitting he was thinking of running away. He bent his head until his chin butted against Kylo’s hand, searching for more.

“We know.” Rey chuckled out. “That’s why we were waiting.”

A smug little smirk tugged on the corner of Huxs lips, and his hands wandered, roaming the thick fabric of Kylo’s tunic on Rey’s body. “Clever girl.” He whispered, pride seeping into his tone. “Let no one ever tell you any different.”

“Actually, it was Kylo who pointed it out.” Rey corrected him, even though her cheeks were pinched with pink over his whispered compliments. 

The correction had Hux opening his eyes again, meeting the storm within Kylo’s gaze. There was so much there, open and willing to be exposed. Desire, adoration, fear, desperation. Kylo was too many things, all at once. But they were his emotions to feel. All of them.

Hux felt the strangest stab of pride.

“I suppose he can be clever at times, too.” Hux relented. Rey loved the way his voice remained hushed, just like hers and Kylos were whenever they cuddled together at night. “Then I take it you both plan on making sure I honor this agreement.”

Rey shifted closer, her leg wrapping around Huxs and locking it in place. He rose an eyebrow, a little surprised at her forwardness. When she did nothing more than cuddle against him, he realized it wasn’t forwardness at all. This was Rey, pure and simple.

He’d better start getting used to it.

“If either of you snore, I will have you bodily removed from the room.” He warned them, before his hands slid down Rey’s tunic and rested on the first inch of skin it found, against her upper thigh. His eyes closed just as hers widened, and she bit her lip as _something_ flushed through her, warming her skin until the feeling focused and throbbed at her core. She knew what she felt was arousal, but this was a terrible time to be aware of it.

Especially when she knew Hux needed all the sleep he could get. 

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, let it out, and used her meditation techniques to calm her overstimulated body. After so much time trying to explain that she didn’t know if she was interested in a sexual relationship, she felt a little betrayed by her body for proving her wrong so easily. 

Hux was still, his breathing even, his expression almost considered peaceful. But when she turned to look at Kylo, his eyes were still wide open, and his face was kissed with color.

He knew.

_Sorry._ She mouthed out in apology, giving him a regretful smile. He shook his head a few times, assuring her through the bond that she should never, ever feel guilty about this.

He felt it, almost every time they were together. She had nothing to feel sorry about.

Kylo shifted just slightly against her, and she realized she could feel every one of his muscles through the fabric of his tunic, pressing against her back. They rose and fell against her, with every breath he took. This was nothing new, of course; they’d slept together like this so many times. 

And yet.

Her skin felt like it was burning, every time any part of him rubbed against it. Her leg let go of Hux, earning a grunt of disapproval from the man. She froze when she heard it, and waited for Huxs breath to slow again before moving.

Her lower leg bent back, running up and down the length of Kylo’s thigh. The skin to skin contact should have sated her, but it only felt like it was making things worse.

She felt his question through their bond, quiet and hesitant but oh, so hopeful.

She wasn’t used to denying herself when it came to satisfaction. She required it so infrequently, it almost seemed pointless to try and turn away the feelings when they came. Now, she felt trapped between the two men whose presence tugged at parts of her she hadn’t been aware existed within herself, and there was nothing she could do. Her arms were in no position to just handle it.

And like hell was she going to leave.

She knew another option was available, but it felt almost hypocritical to ask for help when she was the one who’d asked them to be patient with her. Still, hadn’t the point of their patience been to wait until she was ready to explore? Wasn’t the mere fact that she was heavily considering asking Kylo to touch her, proof that she was at least ready for that?

The question was whether something of this nature would wake Hux, and possibly eliminate the prospect of being invited into his bed, ever again.

Decisions, decisions.

Kylo’s hand brushed down the back of Rey’s thigh, sending tingles through her that overwhelmed every sense she owned. Decision made.

She caught his attention through their bond, which made his hand freeze as though he was preparing to be admonished for even that slight touch. Quickly, before fear could silence her need, she told him.

_Would you touch me?_

The resulting explosion of pure _want_ that escaped him nearly rendered the need for touch unnecessary. She clenched her legs together, trying to dig for any remaining control left within her, until he managed to find some semblance of sanity again.

_Aren’t I touching you now?_ He pointed out, the words sounding so suave and purposefully casual that he would have probably gotten away with it, had she not just felt him nearly lose his mind. She turned her head just enough to give him a withering glance, and tried to ignore the hunger still evident in his gaze. Humor could help her deal with this embarrassment a little easier, if only he would stop staring at her like he wanted to devour her whole.

His tongue peeked out from between his lips to wet them; because he did. He absolutely did want to devour her whole, and he wanted her to _know_ that now.

She turned her head away again, shoved her face into the pillow, and shuddered out a nervous sigh.

_You know what I mean._ She told him, shifting back just enough to press her back against his chest. _And you know what I want._

He’d have liked to agree, but Kylo was poorly versed in the realm of women, and a steady thrum of worry began to temper his desire just enough to allow him clarity. If she really wanted him to touch her, he’d have to be careful enough to pay attention, and learn exactly what she liked.

He wished he could have been better prepared for this moment, the way Hux undoubtedly would be. He wished he didn’t feel like a clumsy oaf, when his large hand slid just under the hem of the tunic, pushing it up quietly until it wrinkled into the curve of her waist.

He wished he could control himself, as his body throbbed and ached with untouched desire. He hadn’t even done anything yet, and he felt like a teenager, ready to soil his sleep pants. It was frustrating, how easily he lost control.

She turned her head back towards him, her eyes meeting his from over her shoulder. Her arm bent, until her fingers were brushing against the hard line of his jaw. He was clenching his teeth; she could feel it under the skin. She’d put him in a difficult situation, and guilt crept swiftly into her heart.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, brushing the tips of her fingers against his lips. “This isn’t fair to you. Forget I said anything. It was just a moment of weakness.”

He saw his chances fluttering away with every heavy handed word, and his grip against her hip tightened with near-bruising force. His eyes went wild with determination, before he shook his head. He would not miss this opportunity. Not when she laid so perfect, so open beside him, wanting nothing but his touch.

His hands found the hem of her underwear and tugged them open just enough to slide inside, brushing against skin he’d never gotten the chance to touch before. Her pelvis was no more or less soft than the rest of her, but simply because this was the first foreign touch, every nerve of her skin lit on fire when he brushed past it. She sucked in a sharp breath, as her eyes rolled back behind her head before shutting closed in bliss.

He hadn’t even reached her core yet, and she looked so enraptured.

He surged forward, running a delicate touch across all of the newly exposed skin, until his hand was nothing more than a large mound underneath her panties, the movement visible under cloth as he slithered down and writhed his fingers between overheated lips.

She almost screamed, only managing to stifle herself when the mechanical hand that had been under her head snapped up to clamp down around her mouth. They both gave Hux another wary look.

Still sleeping. It was a miracle.

Kylo kept his hand over Rey’s mouth as he explored, his eyebrows rising with delight when he felt the source of her wetness and drenched his fingertips in her desire. She was trying so desperately not to moan, which ignited something fierce within the man. He suddenly _wanted_ her to moan, to wake Hux with unabashed delight, to scream his name as she came against his fingertips and buck back against him until he, too, tipped over into oblivion.

He wondered if she knew just how enticing the bare ass that rubbed against his crotch every time she bucked really was. She must have known. There was no hiding his thick, bulging arousal. 

He let her buck, grinding against her every time in reply. He had little hope that they could keep from waking the man beside them, like this.

His fingers had dipped into her, a little more each time, until they bottomed out and crooked to hold her steady. She groaned into the muffling steel holding her mouth, and he felt a thoughtless chanting pulse through the bond. She wasn’t speaking to him - at least not on purpose - she was simply begging for more, more, more, _more_ -

He thought that probably meant he was doing something right.

So he continued, thrusting two fingers up into her heat until it was so wet that he could hear it squelch every time he drove himself back inside. That, perhaps, was the most erotic sound of all - made even dirtier by the fact that he was sure it would be that sound that would wake Hux up, over anything else.

When he looked, the redhead was turned just slightly away, his mouth parted open and his breathing slow. Still nothing. Impressive.

He bent in to kiss Rey’s neck, tasting the salt of her skin and the sweat of her arousal against his tongue. A desperate urge hit him, and he pulled his fingers out of her with a wet pop. The emptiness forced a smothered whine from Rey’s throat, but her whine died when she watched him, in silent awe, bring his fingers to his lips.

He locked eyes with her, staring her down as he sucked the taste of her off of each digit, one by one. Savoring them. Taking his time.

She was in so much trouble.

Rey closed her eyes and turned her head back into Kylo’s hand, muffling the softest moan. She could feel his fingers slipping back down her body, taking their time scouring every inch of her side until they reached her hip. She waited, going so far as to spread her legs an inch with impatience, but they did not move from there. They’d gone still, and a little rigid.

She opened her eyes, and met wide open crystal grey eyes, set in a severe gaze. 

“Am I to believe,” A steady whisper broke the trance Hux’s eyes had caught her in, making her scream against Kylos mechanical hand in surprise. “That the two of you have come into my bed, allowed me to fall asleep, and then decided that this, _this_ was the moment to begin Rey’s slow demise into debauchery? While I was _unconscious?_ ”

Guilt dampened the heat of both their desires, as neither hurried to respond. Rey eventually opened her mouth to explain, but then pushed Kylo’s hand off of her lips so that Hux could hear more than a muffle.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s just, your touch did something to me, something I didn’t expect, and I was trapped between the two of you so I couldn’t touch myself, so I asked Kylo for help, and oh, you really need sleep so badly, and, and..”

She sighed. No explanation was going to be good enough. Her head dipped down in guilt. “I’m sorry, Hux.”

It was too dark to tell if he was really upset. His expression was hard enough to read in the light of day; here, she waited with held breath until he finally said something to take her worries away.

“Show me.”

Rey’s skin was already flush with red, and yet somehow just those two words had her burning with even more color.

“ _Show_ you?” Her voice spiked up an octave when she repeated it. Behind her, Kylo was shifting, already moving to settle her body more comfortably against him. She smacked him in the shoulder, before turning back to Hux. “Show you what?”

Hux rose an eyebrow. He thought he’d been clear. “I confess myself curious. If all you desire tonight is release, and your choice is the sweaty paws of this unrefined brute, then I would like to see exactly how well he manages pleasing you. I want. To _watch_.”

Rey felt a solid mix of embarrassment coupled with eagerness. She thought that she hadn’t wanted to wake Hux, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Not when his request had every inch of her tingling with the desire to show him, to give him exactly what he was asking for. It was a relief for sure, to know he wouldn’t try to push her further. But far more important than that was this brand new fascination, the filthy proposition of letting Hux watch her rise to orgasm.

She let Kylo pull her back against him, this time. She wiggled helpfully when he took down her underwear, leaving her lower half bare between them. Her breath escaped and did not readily return, as Kylo spread her legs and hitched one of them over him, just to give Hux a clear, perfect view.

And then Kylo returned to her, his thick fingers sliding back exactly where she needed him, and Rey couldn’t tear her gaze away from watching Hux watch _her_. His eyes were focused, almost critical, as he tilted his head and observed.

Kylo’s fingers glistened each time they escaped the tight clutch of Rey’s pussy, relentlessly diving into her until he had her writhing uncontrollably against his body. Her hair fell and covered her face, spurring Hux to finally look up at her. He reached out, brushing all of it over her shoulder until he could see her again. And he studied her face from up close, taking special care to note every detail.

She was frustrated. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her lower lip was bitten raw under her teeth. She wanted to come, so very badly.

Without either of them catching wind of what he was doing, Hux’s clever hand slid down the length of Rey’s body and rested, light, against Kylo’s hand. Kylo stilled at the touch, allowing Hux to guide his hand to twist just slightly. He placed Kylo’s thumb against a soft, swollen bundle of nerves and turned his gaze to the man with a meaningful, almost _demanding_ expression.

Kylo pressed down, and Rey screamed.

Hux’s fingers never touched Rey themselves, but he guided Kylo with every stroke, every circle. He taught Kylo how to slide around the clit and tease it, taunt it with gentle strokes, before finally applying enough pressure to make Rey scream again. Her hands reached out to grip Huxs shoulders, as her head swung back behind her and she wailed in ecstacy.

She was coming. Kylo could feel it in the gripping pressure that braced around his fingers and refused to let them go. He watched her come, his jaw slack with wonder, and imagined a thousand scenarios of feeling that pressure clench down against his cock, instead. When she orgasmed, Rey looked like a wild thing, writhing and bucking up into his hand. He should have known she would not come like some whimpering weakling, but roaring savagely with her pleasure instead.

He loved her. He loved her, he loved her, Force, how he loved her.

She pulsed around his fingers even after she’d clearly finished, and her body curled up into itself. He slid out of her with a tight pop, and lifted his hands to taste her on them yet again.

When a hand snapped out to grip his wrist and stop him, he glared over Rey’s body at Hux. He fought the grip, once, then again. Each time, Hux held him firm, refusing to let his fingers reach his lips.

Instead, he tugged them forward towards himself, and eventually, Kylo got the hint.

When the taste of Rey hit Huxs tongue, his eyes closed to thoroughly enjoy it. He breathed in her scent like a perfectly aged wine, and let his tongue swish around Kylo’s fingers until he’d tasted every bit of her that there was left to consume. Then, and only then, did he let Kylo’s hand go.

With the taste of Rey on his lips, Hux bent in and pressed a chaste kiss against her forehead, and let out a content little hum of gratitude. Then he slipped back into his spot on the bed, just a little closer this time. His arms laid languid against her still body, and his eyes fluttered, threatening to close. Before he let them, he caught one last glance at the man on the other side of Rey, nestling in to capture her fully between them.

_All right_ , he told himself, just before falling fast asleep. _Maybe I could get used to this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET
> 
> Happy December ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> I come bearing gifts! Specifically art AND a giveaway! So please check out the link below for a beautiful piece by a dear friend named Kayurka who is just an amazing artist and you should check out her tumblr (Kayurka.tumblr.com) to see lots more! 
> 
> So yes, click this link to see Kayurka's art AND ALSO reblog to be entered into a giveaway for a Reylux pin!! (or just reblog to make sure others get to see it, that's cool too!)
> 
> [ART BY KAYURKA AND GIVEAWAY LINK](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/post/168076119328/1000-kudos-celebrationgiveaway)
> 
> As you can see, I'm doing the giveaway bc somehow. SOMEHOW. THIS FIC GOT TO 1000 KUDOS. WHICH IS LIKE. ???? WHO ARE YOU THAT KEEPS LOGGING INTO NEW COMPUTERS IS IT YOU KARMA ISTG IT HAS TO BE YOU!!!
> 
> But seriously, I owe you guys SO MUCH for all of your support, and I wanted to make sure to give back. This has been a bumpy as fuck ride and we're almost, ALMOST THERE. OHHH SO CLOSE. SO CLOSE AM I RIGHT KYLO HAHA NOPE YOU DON'T GET IT YET SUCKERRRRRR
> 
> I'm the worst. ((((((((((:


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Very mild hardly there smut. (99% fluff.)

Despite how delightful a soft bed had felt when Rey first sunk into it, she quickly found that beds this soft were not very supportive. When she woke up, her entire body groaned with aches in places she hadn’t known existed. She twisted in place and flopped her leg over the body she faced, burying her face into a warm chest and willing herself back to sleep now that she’d shifted enough to get comfortable again.

The chest in question was not bare, like she was used to. She rubbed her cheek against the soft silk she felt there, and then breathed in the subtle scent of cologne. All of these differences were tugging at her senses, forcing her sleepy mind to wake up and realize this was worth investigating further.

In the end, it was the feeling of cold air tickling against her bare lower body that actually made her eyes blink open. She took stock of herself and her surroundings, bit by bit.

She was in Hux’s bed. It was soft and uncomfortable. She was warm and well cushioned on both sides by two bodies, both of whom looked to still be asleep. Her face had been pressing itself against Hux’s chest, and her leg was wrapped around his body, curved around his waist so close she could feel the silk between her legs, too.

She took a few spare moments to enjoy that, before peeling herself away.

The movement rose him from slumber, but all this meant was that his eyes opened, calm and unphased. He blinked those cold grey eyes down to meet her, and when his mind caught up with what he was looking at, he smiled.

It was not that normal Hux smile, the one that curled around the edges with mischief. Not the small, secret smile that she managed to pull from him when he was especially taken by something she’d done. This was something new, a smile she’d never seen before, because he’d never allowed himself the freedom of showing it.

It was a gentle thing, one that warmed every crease of his face and exposed an effortlessly deep and thorough affection. She felt it worm its way through her, from the tip of her fingers all the way to her toes.

That could be love, she decided. Hux may never admit it to her, and she would never try to force it from him. But there, in that smile, she thought she’d found answers to questions she hadn’t even been able to figure out herself. It all looked so simple, just then. Like there could never be any question over how he felt for her, as long as that smile existed in her memory.

She tucked it away, saving it. Cherishing it. She knew it would come in handy someday.

“Good morning.” He muttered, his lips dry from sleep. He could feel the soft brush of her leg against his body, the pressure light but strangely comforting. She craned her neck hard enough to kiss him, and he cringed with lazy disgust. He could taste sleep in his mouth, and wanted her to have no part in it.

“Is the beast awake yet?” He asked, burying his face against Rey’s hair to keep her away from his lips. She shook her head, and nestled into the arms that reached for her. He ran nimble fingers up and down her arm, up and down her spine, and brushed her hair gently away from her neck and shoulders.

“Good.” Hux whispered. “A moment with you, all to myself. I could not ask for a better morning.”

She smiled against his collar, and then pursed her lips with mischief. Her hand snaked out, very quickly nudging Kylo awake.

It didn’t work.

“You are a selfish little sprite.” Hux whispered, once he’d noticed what she was doing. “Luckily, he seems to sleep like the dead. I imagine if you’d chosen me to pleasure you last night, he would never have been the wiser.”

The reminder of what had transpired the night before made her skin flush hot, and her heart race. She honestly hadn’t meant for things to turn so wicked, but when she thought to regret the choices she’d made, she found nothing of regret in her heart.

These were her lovers, now. She may not have given herself to them yet, but that did not mean this was not the truth.

“Are you angry at us?” She breathed out, already fully aware of the answer. “Did you wish it was you?”

“No.” Hux said. “And yes. I will _always_ wish it was me.” He bent in, and kissed the curve of her ear, before whispering against it. “Besides. You must know I would have done a better job.”

She couldn’t stop the giggle from escaping her, and that was enough to stir Kylo. He turned, his long limbs flinging in all directions as they often did, and Hux craned his neck just enough to see that the mans cock was standing at full attention, even in sleep. He rolled his eyes and laid back down, keeping Rey close in his arms. “I hope, one day soon, you will give me the chance to prove myself right.” He asked of her, kissing the top of her head. “I do _so_ love to be right.”

“Especially when it means Kylo’s wrong.” She pointed out accusingly, a finger pressed against his chest.

“Yes.” He agreed, light amusement bubbling in his voice. “Always a plus.”

Kylo hadn’t quite woken up enough to hear their conversation, but he was conscious enough to realize he’d lost Rey from his grasp. He turned with a loud groan, and his entire body crushed against her, spooning in until his arms and legs were wrapped around both her and Hux. She let out a soft huff of laughter, and then bit her lip as Kylos hard cock rested flush against the crest of her ass. There was no room for embarrassment, anymore. He’d brought her to orgasm with his thick, determined fingers; she couldn’t even be surprised that he was rock hard against her, now.

“Shall we start the day?” Hux asked, with a strange note of genuine wonder in his question. He wasn’t used to waking up with someone in his bed. He’d entered new ground, and absolutely hated how flustered he felt about it.

“Not yet.” She whispered. “Five more minutes.”

He did not argue, but neither did he find whatever peace and comfort Rey managed to gather out of those next five minutes. If anything, Huxs mind had begun to overthink everything, and the tension in his body only grew. Once she noticed it, she let out a soft sigh, and bit his shoulder with a playful snap of her teeth.

“Okay.” She said, relenting. “Go ahead. I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Shall I order breakfast?” Hux offered, already disentangling himself. He needed to feel useful. He needed to be in movement, to be moving _towards_ something. Breakfast seemed like a proper goal. And by the sudden look of delight on Rey’s face, he knew he’d made the right choice. “Consider it done.”

He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Rey alone to sink down into the bed as Kylo’s weight overtook her. She could tell by his breathing; he’d fallen back asleep.

She reached out, and pinched one of his nipples. As expected, he woke with a grumpy yelp.

“ _Why._ ” His deep voice whined out, reaching to rub his chest with one hand. He looked so reluctant to wake up, having found a comfort in the soft bed that Rey had never managed to grasp. She wondered if he’d had nothing but soft beds, when he was younger. Soft pillows, soft blankets, and soft hugs.

He’d chosen everything hard, when he’d given up that life. Was it so easy for him to find comfort again in lost relics like the softness of a bed, or the warmth of a hug? No, perhaps only in sleep. She knew the difficulty he still faced in returning to who he’d once been, when he faced it awake. His comfort in Huxs bed was a rare ease.

She turned towards him fully, and touched his skin anywhere her hands could lay. “You missed waking up Hux. I even tried to get you up, but it didn’t work. You’ve never been that difficult to wake up before.”

He opened one sleepy eye, trained it on her, and then flickered his gaze to note that Hux was indeed already gone. So he closed it again, and slid his hands under the covers. Under her tunic. Until it cupped the full weight of her ass, and pulled her in. “I’m awake now.”

Rey’s eyes widened at the implication and she smacked his arm, admonishing his bold behavior. “Good. Now you can go take a cold shower, and put that thing away before it gets you in trouble.”

There was no question as to what she was referring to. He’d crushed her pelvis up against him when he took her in his hands, and the tent of his pants had nestled and made a warm home between the plush of her legs. He grunted with dismay, wiggling as if to say _are you sure about that_ , just before pulling away.

“I don’t think there’s a shower cold enough to get rid of the way I feel about you.” He pointed out, as airily as if he hadn’t just said something strikingly evocative. She let him go, her eyes narrowed in warning even as she longed to pull him back down into the bed and kiss him silly. His pants hung low enough on his hips to make her mouth go dry, and she just knew he was walking with the express purpose of giving her something to look at. The cocky sway of his hips made her want to throw a shoe at him.

But she’d brought no shoes, and his shoes were big enough to cause real damage. So she stayed in bed and watched that sway call to her, instead.

She dozed, stretching out and rolling on the bed as the boys took to the shower, until she felt a flush of arousal that made no sense. She realized, belatedly, that sending them both into the bathroom together might not end well for her, especially not when she was this close.

She sat up in the bed, her back ramrod straight, and stared at the bathroom door. They _wouldn’t_.

Her body pulsed in warning, and then _clenched._ They _absolutely would._

She could hear the shower running from where she was, but she climbed out of the bed to creep closer. Sure enough, once she was near the door, she heard an unmistakable moan. From the deep growl in his voice, she could tell it was Kylo. She felt guilty, listening in like this; and even guiltier for what she was unconsciously doing, as she leaned in and pushed the bathroom door open just a crack. Steam bathed her for a moment until it cleared enough for her to see the two of them, turned blurry by the glass of the shower door. They were standing face to face, she could tell that much. Other than that, she didn’t quite understand what was happening. The glass that protected them was distorted with diamond shaped designs, and their figures looked sharp and angular as they bucked against one another. She wasn’t positive, but she couldn’t imagine that was how sex worked for men considering their anatomy. Still, they certainly _sounded_ like they were enjoying themselves, rutting in uneven movements until their goal made a little more sense to her. She could barely see the outline of both cocks, pressed against one another, lost in someone’s hand as they slid back and forth, chasing a mutual release that they’d been yearning for since the previous night. 

She felt warm waves of pleasure rocking through her, but her body was so sated that she was able to just sit on the floor beside the crack in the door, and watch these two gorgeous men satisfy one another in the shower.

Something about that satisfaction lulled her. She rested her head against the edge of the doorway, her eyes drooping half-lidded as she followed the lines that made up their bodies. Kylo grunted like a man in need, and Huxs rare moan sounded like pure satisfaction. She imagined that it was more about the chase than the release, for Hux. Perhaps he could have done this all day, if he’d been blessed with the free time to indulge. For Kylo, it sounded like he would die if he couldn’t come. It was so like him, impatient and demanding and needy. She couldn’t see his hands wandering over every inch of Huxs body, but even without the visual, somehow she knew that he couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

She wondered if it would be the same, when he took her. If he would rush towards his climax, or if he would take his time with her, the way she knew Hux would. 

Hux possessed no powers of the Force. Despite that, it was his eyes that noticed her, turning to catch a glimpse of the girl watching them through the crack of his bathroom door. He slowed, which only made Kylo speed up in desperation. He was clearly too close for Huxs mindgames.

Rey wanted to believe that Hux couldn’t see her through the glass, but he leaned in just enough to squint and she sucked in a gasp. His cold, clever eyes were suddenly in perfect view, trained on her. The shock of it made her stumble back, crawling backwards away from the door frame until she could hop back onto the bed and bury herself under the sheets.

He’d seen her watching them, of this she had no doubt. Now she felt the burn of embarrassment flushing away all of the desire that Kylos bond with her had bled out, as she quietly hoped Hux wasn’t going to say anything.

Her hopes were in vain. In the bathroom, Hux leaned in and pressed his wet lips against Kylos ear. Kylo was still frotting frantically, unaware of what had just happened. So of course, Hux chose that moment, trapped in his desire, to tell him.

“Our Rey was watching us, just now. Do you think she was enjoying the show?”

Kylo’s head snapped up, and his wide eyes stared at the crack in the door, imagining Rey’s face peeking out from within it. It was more than enough to set him off. His cock throbbed hard against Huxs as it came, launching long splashes of white up into the air between them only to coat the pale skin of Huxs chest, and the vibrant pink of their pulsing cocks. Just knowing Rey had seen them fucking up against each other was enough to shove Kylo over the edge, but it was the sight of him losing his control that tumbled Hux over with him. Huxs orgasm came with a less violent moan than the one Kylo had just uttered, but he had to grip the larger mans shoulders to stay upright as his body shuddered in ecstacy.

He’d never allowed anyone in the shower with him, before. Never been covered so thoroughly in someone elses cum. He felt contaminated, both physically and emotionally. 

Kylo surged down to steal his lips and his thoughts away, pressing him up against the shower wall with a delightful pressure that refused to let him think too hard on how much of his life was changing without his permission. 

Kylo wanted. So he took. Hux should have fought against that tooth and nail, instead of whimpering into that overwhelming kiss. He should have. He would have, in the past.

It was impossible to lament the loss of his independence, when freedom _never_ felt as good as this.

The shower was quick once he managed to pry Kylo off of him, and the soap and water were used for their proper purposes this time. He exited first, wearing a towel wrapped around his torso and his silk robe slid comfortably over his bare chest. When he noted that Kylo was about to walk out purely naked, he put a hand to the man’s chest and shook his head.

Rey was not ready for that.

Kylo reluctantly grabbed a towel and started to tie it around his body - under Huxs disdainful eye. He knew his towels were ostentatiously large and plush, yet on Kylo it barely managed to fit. The man was obnoxiously thick, on all accounts.

He walked to the bed, sat down beside the mound that was Rey, and patted what he assumed was her head. (It wasn’t, but somehow getting a pat on her ass was the least of her problems.) 

“There, there, darling. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have permission to watch us do _anything_ your heart desires.”

Rey groaned audibly under the sheet, her embarrassment multiplying tenfold.

Kylo sat down on the other side of the bed, hard enough to make her bounce. “It’s better if you watch. I didn’t even get to see you do it. It’s not fair.”

She groaned twice as loud, and reached out to smack whatever part of him she could manage. “Stop it. Stop talking about it!”

Kylo rose his eyebrows, looking to Hux for guidance. He expected Hux to let the matter drop, now that she was clearly embarrassed about it. What he got instead surprised him.

Hux pulled the covers off of her, and reached down to wrap his arms around her waist. She whimpered when he pulled her up, forcing her to face the both of them while she sat curled up against his side. His hand reached out, gripped her by the chin, and tugged her head up high. It certainly quelled her embarrassment, startled as she was by his firm hand and demanding demeanor. 

But he could still see that bright flame in her eyes, ready to fight if he held on too long. She was relentless. He hoped that would always be the case.

“I will not stop talking about it.” Hux told her, his voice sharp and almost commanding. “Neither will Kylo. Neither should you. Because there is no shame in this. Not now, and not ever again. You are ours, just as we are yours. This gives you exclusive privileges to witness, or partake in, any act we indulge in. Say the word, Rey, and I will take Kylo over this bed in front of you, right now. It is your right.”

Her mouth dropped open. Huxs directness had a sensibility to it, but she couldn’t yet imagine herself there, purposefully in view of the two of them locked in the act. At least, not yet.

She shook her head, but when he let go of her chin, her head remained high and unashamed.

“I’ve seen enough of the both of you for one day, thanks.” She said, the nervousness in her voice betraying what she’d hoped would sound sarcastic. Instead, she just sounded rushed, breathless. It would have to do.

Hux smiled, a sated thing that told her just how little her presence had interrupted their activities. Then he leaned in and kissed her nose, her lips, her chin, and batted her off of his lap. “Then it’s your turn in the shower. Be careful; you never know when one of us might _peek_.”

Just like that, the last of her embarrassment gave way to amusement, and she shoved him down onto the bed before climbing over him and escaping. “You’d better not peek.” She told them, heading for the steamy bathroom. “I’ll be watching.”

And then she left the door open. 

“You know,” Hux murmured thoughtfully as scratched at his cheek with one finger and stared at the door. “I can never tell which one of us is the more devious in moments like this. Look at how she taunts us. After all of that.”

Kylo was looking. Couldn’t stop looking. And he, much more than Hux, was very tempted to do something about it.

So Hux rose up and found the pile of clothing they’d left crumpled on his chair, unfurling it on the bed and throwing Kylos pants directly into the man’s face. “Get dressed. We’ve wasted away enough of the day as it is.”

Kylo peeled his pants off of his face and glared at Hux, refusing to put them on. A few surreptitious glances at the doorway was all that he could manage before Rey was done, leaving the bathroom wrapped in two towels, one for her body and one for her head. They were huge on her, barely kept up until she made it to her clothing.

Then the towel toppled right off of her head, covering her face and shoulders up. She dropped down to sit on the bed, blind, and sighed.

Hux reached over to pull the towel off of her, and gently coaxed her into turning her back to him just so he could wrap the towel around her hair and massage it dry. He rubbed the hair from her scalp to the tips in silence, lulling her with his gentle care. When it looked dry enough to leave bare, he rested the towel around her shoulders, and ran his fingers through her damp locks.

“Your hair is lovely when it’s down.” He said, his frankness startling her. “Have you ever considered leaving it out?”

She had. Many times. She ran her own fingers through her hair, pulling strands of it down over her eyes. Already she itched to pull it all up into buns, and forget about it. “The buns are more convenient. Besides, they’re all I have left of my family.”

Hux, who’d still been running fingers down the back of her hair, pulled his hand away. “Your family?” He murmured, surprised that this was the first time it had ever come up. “Who were they?”

Rey turned around to sit facing him on the bed, and leaned into the touch of Kylos hand as it reached out from beside her to brush tenderly against her side. Hux easily caught on to how difficult of a subject he’d touched upon, and his mind raced. He’d shared Kylos history with her, as well as his own - and only now, too late for his liking, did he realize she hadn’t shared her past with him. He would find, soon after, that this was because there was nothing to share.

“I couldn’t tell you.” She admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t remember them. I remember them leaving, but nothing about them specifically. And I know that when I was a child, I fervently believed with all of my heart that they were going to return. I might have lost the reasoning behind that hope, but I never lost the hope itself.”

She didn’t wait for permission to crawl forward and bury herself in the space between his legs, twisting until she was comfortable leaning against him. Kylo watched from his place on the bed, laying there on his back with his head tilted back towards them, so that they were both upside down to his view. From the look on his expression, he did not seem surprised. And why would he be, Hux asked himself? The man has delved into every hidden crevice of Rey’s psyche. Kylo, unlike he, has had the unique privilege of being inside of Rey’s head.

Hux could only imagine he could achieve something similar, using nothing but his wits and instinct.

He wrapped his arms around the woman who somehow felt smaller as she curled there, seeking a comfort he was now more than ready to give.

“Have you any interest in finding them? With Brendol’s help, there’s always a possibility that some trace could be found-”

She leaned up and silenced his offer with a kiss. Huxs eyes widened, as a tiny thrill ran through his icy heart. When she pulled away to shake her head, he knew he couldn’t help himself. Her response was _ideal._ It satisfied him in ways he almost thought were cruel.

“It took me a long time, and some helpful advice, but I know the truth. Whoever they are, they were never going to come back. So I had to at least try to move on.”

He brought his hands up from their place around her waist, and delved deep into her damp hair. His fingers massaged against her scalp in practiced motions. “And the hair?” 

Reys eyes closed when he kneaded her head. His touch made her feel warm and flush and _alive_. There was no room for mourning, when she had this. “I’m not mad at them. Whatever reason they had for leaving me behind had to have been reasonable. I don’t think my childhood self would have been so adamant that they would return, if they didn’t love me. So.. the hair is my way of honoring them. And remembering who I was, before all of this. It’s kind of significant, that the buns are behind me. I like it that way.”

He could not argue with this. Leaving the past behind was - perhaps - the one thing that all three of them had in common; especially since there were still ties in their lives that would never allow them to fully sever the past away. For Kylo, it was his mother. For Hux, Brendol. And so, Rey kept her buns, and her wild ways. It was an understandable compromise.

He bent in, and kissed the shell of her ear. “Go. Get your hairties. I will do them for you.”

The offer made Rey burst out with laughter. There was a bubbly innocence to it, and that innocence translated over to her movement as she crawled out of his lap and darted away. She left the room before Hux could point out she was still in a towel, and he sighed as she disappeared from view.

He picked up the towel she’d used for her hair, folded it neatly, and placed it in a receptacle near the bathroom that led to the laundry. Then he pulled open a bureau drawer, and pulled out a fresh uniform set. He laid them all out carefully on the bed, his eyes warily flitting to Kylo every time he passed. Something about the way that man lounged on his bed made him think he was up to something.

“You handled that well.” Kylo said. He turned around to lie on his stomach, his movements reminding Hux quite a lot of a feline. 

“You had doubts?” Hux pulled on a tight fitting set of underwear, and dropped his towel to get dressed. He expected Kylo to roll all over his clothing and ruin them with wrinkles. Instead, Kylo hadn’t moved, but his eyes had raked over every inch of Huxs lithe body. It was clear by way he shifted against the bed that he considered it a pleasing sight, and Hux rolled his eyes at the inexcusable insatiability of the man he’d chosen as a lover.

“A few.” Kylo admitted, shaking the hair out of his face. “I didn’t think you’d want to share her with a family.”

Hux slipped on a pair of black trousers, and leaned in to grab another article. This gave him a closer view of Kylo, which he used to set the tone of what he was about to say.

“I _don’t_.” He hissed out. “But that doesn’t mean I would not be supportive, if she chose to go looking for answers.”

He tucked his undershirt into his pants, and then swept his arms through his tunic. This was enough dressing for the moment, so he sat down beside Kylo’s prone form, and brushed a finger from the curve of Kylos jaw all the way down to the dip in his belly button. 

The man was cut like he’d been made from marble. Hux pinched Kylos stomach in frustration.

“You think she’s ours, now.” Kylo stated, like it was a fact. Hux wanted to correct him on the _ours_ out of sheer spite, but he let the moment pass. It was clear Kylo wasn’t done with his thought. “But she doesn’t belong to anyone. I hope you know that.”

“Do _you_?” Hux scoffed, pinching at Kylos stomach again. “You’re the one with a possessive streak a mile wide. I don’t recall desiring to claim either of you. In fact, I can give you both up right now, should the situation call for it.”

Kylo said nothing. He warred with Hux, their eyes focused and refusing to relent, for several long, severe moments.

Hux cracked first. The tiniest little smile twitched at the side of his lips, which was all Kylo needed. He broke out into a grin, exhaling out all of the intensity they’d been trying to provoke in one another. Kylo reached up and wrapped a hand around Huxs neck, sharply pulling him down until their lips met. It felt so indulgent, to share in moments like this. Moments where they both knew, deep down, that they wanted to possess one another just as much as they might have thought to call Rey their own. It was a lewd, unsatisfying game, and they played it nonetheless.

Hux bit at the plush lower lip offered to him, and Kylo growled under his breath. Nothing pleased Hux more than knowing he was taming this vicious monster, but he thought it best not to tell Kylo as much, just then. No doubt he would argue, and make a fuss.

When Rey burst back in, wearing actual clothing now that she’d gone back to her room, she skidded to a halt when she found them lying on top of one another, lazily curled up in the middle of the bed. Her excited face transformed into bewilderment, and she briefly wondered if she’d just walked in on them in the middle of.. well.. _another round_.

But they weren’t moving, save for the roll of their heads to look up at her, and Huxs lazy beckon with his hand. Her smile sprung up on her face, and she bounced with full force onto the bed. It was enough to bounce them, jolting Kylo’s face into Huxs chest on the fall. He would have shoved the man off, but Rey was already worming her way on top of them both, like some kind of heat seeking parasite. Hux felt a rush of relief that his bed was soft enough to give him leeway as the pressure on his body increased.

“I brought the hair ties.” She told him from above, waving them proudly. Kylo tried to grab at them, and she pulled them away from his grasp. “Not you!” She scolded, sliding them back on to her wrists until they were done piling on top of Hux.

Kylo sulked, rolling off of Hux until he was simply nestled under the curl of the man’s arm instead. Rey fell until her head rested on Huxs chest, and closed her eyes as she listened to his heart. A long, peaceful silence fell over them, as each individually experienced what it meant to be at peace. It was such a novel, unfamiliar feeling. Worth treasuring.

Hux did not understand peace. He’d never craved the feeling, or sought it in any way. When Rey’s cheek brushed against his skin, and she looked up at him with those dangerously affectionate eyes, he still did not know his own peace.

But he knew hers. And for now, that was enough.

“What an unexpected turn of events.” He breathed out, his hands burying themselves in both of his lovers heads of hair. 

Rey quirked her head, her chin jutting against him in an effort to see him better. “What event?” She asked.

His half lidded eyes held hers as he spoke, until Rey watched his mouth wrap around each word and felt the heat of distraction flush color into her cheeks. 

“You. Us. _This._ ” His tongue peeked out at the last word, and Rey sucked in a tiny gasp. “I imagine it comes as a surprise to you, as well. I feel..”

“Lucky.” Kylo’s deep vibrato finished the sentence for him, but Hux pinched his nose with dismay. Luck had nothing to do with any of this. He’d worked hard for everything, including his current impossible relationship. Instead of agreeing with Kylo, he shook his head.

“ _Honored._ ” 

He took his hand out of Rey’s hair and reached for her hand, pulling it towards him by the wrist. After he’d laid it down against his collarbone, he pulled the hairties off of her wrist and began to sit up, keeping her flush against him as he did so. She sat up in turn, twisting to give him her back. His fingers were nimble, strangely adept at dealing with womens hair. Though she hadn’t taught him how she normally put her buns together, he managed them with ease. It wasn’t a complicated hairstyle.

Her eyes were closed the entire time he toyed with her hair. She felt like she was floating, tingles running up and down her spine over how good it felt. She never wanted to do her own hair again.

But she doubted he would let her be with him every morning, the way they were just then. She wished he would.

“There.” He whispered, letting her hair go. “Now you’re ready to take on the galaxy. And I’m extraordinarily late to starting my day. I blame you both.”

Without looking at the time, Rey knew that even she and Kylo were running late to their own training. She grinned back at Hux and gave him quick kiss on the chin, before crawling out of the bed.

“We’ll get out of your hair.” She chuckled out, effervescently amused at her little pun.

The still man beside Hux finally stirred, sitting up to press a thick, pouty kiss against Huxs clothed shoulder. Hux tilted his head to press against Kylos, and his hand lost itself in the tangles of black cascading down the mans cheek. It was a brief, stolen moment, and Kylo moved off of the bed to grab his clothing in one meaty palm when it was over, before trudging off to follow Rey to the door.

She paused when she looked back at Kylo, and arched an eyebrow. “You’re going out in that?” She said, forgetting just how quickly she’d run out of the room dressed in nothing but a towel, herself. He stared at her incredulously for the hypocrisy, and she shrugged before opening the door.

Kylo gave Hux one last look, jutting a hand in Rey’s direction as if to say _can you believe this?_ , before turning to see a little droid rolling into the room with a tray of food prepared. Rey pushed past Kylo to toddle back inside, following it as she grabbed at things on the tray even as it still moved. “I’ll just, ah, take these to go. Thank you!”

She stuffed one large tart in her mouth and grinned around it, then swiveled around and shoved a similar tart in Kylo’s confused face. He choked on the sudden intrusion, and then disappeared from the room to follow her and complain about being force-fed. His muffled barks eventually faded from earshot, drowned out by the sound of the droid rolling out of the room after having deposited the tray. Once it was gone, and the door hissed shut, there was silence.

Hux was left alone, as he’d always been, as he’d once thought he always would be, in his big, plush, warm, thoroughly slept in bed.

He listened to the silence, his closest companion, and waited for the feeling of relief to wash over him. He could get on with his day, now. He would get back to work, refreshed and renewed, with no thought to what had transpired the night before - or the morning after.

He would.

Wouldn’t he?

Hux flopped down on the bed, his arms and legs splayed out in frustration, and let out a sharp, unsatisfied sigh.

He missed them. The sound of them, the warmth of their bodies. He couldn’t remember what it felt like to _desire_ his solitude anymore. It felt like a great and terrible loss, this new inability to relish time alone.

He was sure it would return in time. But in that moment, sinking into a bed still warm from two very attractive bodies writhing against his sheets and against _him_ , he wanted nothing more than to call them both back into his room immediately, and say to hell with the entire day.

Instead, he laid in bed just a few minutes longer, and let the world he’d always known burn like tinder around him. A single finger brushed back and forth against his neck, where Kylos mouth had left a bruise.

Love felt more satisfying than personal glory, he realized. Perhaps that was why his father thought so little of it. He’d never been loved a day in his life.

With a snort of derision, he finally got up out of the bed, changed into clothing that hadn’t been wrinkled by two very snuggly Force users, and began to start the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there's the second chapter where they've managed to say fuck off to the entire plot and just cuddle instead. Okay, time to get back to work though, seriously guys. Seriously.
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked it! This will be my last chapter until way after TLJ because I'm headed up to go watch it with some friends and I won't be back until I've seen TLJ at least 10 times in a row DAMNIT. And then I'll just.. you know. Watch it more.
> 
> The movie will probably get all of our creative juices flowing, but just in case I get too caught up with Christmas, expect the next chapter to come in early January. With that in mind, I wish you all a HAPPIEST OF CHRISTMASES AND A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY AND A REALLY GREAT NEW YEAR! YOU GUYS WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: off screen deaths (no major characters)
> 
> Edit: there were some name mix ups!! Fixed now. Sorry!!

The next time Rey saw Leia, she couldn’t believe how stunning the General looked. She wasn’t wearing First Order issued clothing, but instead a flowing, embroidered two-piece dress. Rey couldn’t wrap her mind around exactly how Leia had accomplished this feat, and she made a note to ask where exactly she’d acquired something so lovely, so quickly. For now, the conversation was focused on more important issues - like the new Resistance base.

Hux had given equal time to detailing the pros and cons of every option both he and the Resistance leadership had chosen. This part of the meeting had been extraordinarily dull, and Rey had wondered if perhaps she really needed to be there at all. She caught herself almost nodding off a few times. Nothing about geographic climate and topology really earned her attention.

Kylo was no better off, but he was impressively better at hiding his disdain for the conversation.

Just when Rey thought she might be able to slip out unnoticed, Hux turned the mood of the room on its head.

“Of course, you have all been briefed on my preferred choice for your relocation, I presume?”

Rey felt the sizzle of tension as if it were electric, searing through everyone in the room except for a handful of security officers working complicated panels behind the group. She straightened her back, and her head tilted just enough to throw a side glance in Kylo’s direction. His poker face might have been flawless, but she felt his tension most of all.

“We have.” Admiral Ackbar barked out, clearly unhappy to even be discussing the option. “And we’ve decided against it. There’s no need to discuss the matter any further.”

Hux hummed through closed lips, and nodded his head thoughtfully. It was clear _he_ disagreed with that assessment, but he wasn’t arguing about it. There was a look on his face, something toying at pity, that unsettled the group around him. After all, he’d just proven himself immensely well versed in the exact knowledge they were debating. Rey knew Hux well enough to understand this was a clever ploy to get someone to go against Ackbars wishes and ask him for the information, instead of offering it up without request.

And of course, it worked.

“What makes you so sure that relocation to one of your Star Destroyers would really be so much safer than a planet, anyway? You’ve praised Onderon to here and back.” The man who fell for Hux’s ploy was named Major Brance, and the clever white-haired man beside him who groaned at the question was General Ematt. Rey couldn’t help biting back a smile when Hux lit up, all too happy to answer.

“I’m glad you asked. There are two very important benefits to keeping your base in the air. The first should be no surprise to you; the level of technology we can offer your Resistance is leagues above anything available on any planet save perhaps Coruscant itself. Our weapons and facilities are undeniably superior, and with your men and women behind the wheel, you can be assured that you will have everything you need to defend yourselves in case of an attack.”

He paused there, giving the Resistance leaders a chance to look at the room around them. Even there, in this simple meeting room, it was clear just how technologically advanced the First Order actually was. The round table in front of them alone was a work of art, offering strategic overlays for almost every aspect of planet life on multiple targets. The security officers looked even more impressive in that moment, as their hands flew over impressive machinery and sped through technical readouts.

No one could deny this first point. The First Order, and their ships, were the height of modern technology. This was why Hux believed Snoke’s current plan was to try and steal them whenever he could.

He smartly left that piece of information out.

“Second. While security on Onderon is impressive, having your entire base located on one unmoving spot with a local population ready to betray you at the first sign of trouble will always be a problem. There is no proof that those who sabotaged your base were locals, but I can say with all confidence that it is the most likely outcome. Hired hands, easily discarded. There will _always_ be those willing to profit off of your demise. Should you settle down in one spot long enough, I guarantee you will always be found.”

“Settling down on one ship is just as bad as doing it on a planet, Admiral.” General Ematt countered with a sharp interruption. “And it’s easier to destroy one ship than it is a whole planet.”

Both of Hux’s brows rose up. He wondered if Ematt was baiting him, trying to coax him into bragging about how easily the First Order _had_ destroyed planets, but he said nothing. No one needed to be reminded of the state of the Republic at the moment.

His eyes flickered, very carefully, to meet Rey’s. She hadn’t expected him to look at her, but when she did, her lips broke apart in surprise. His gaze was gone before she could even think to react on why he’d chosen to look at her at all.

“Actually, we have an extraordinary range of ships to choose from. If you’re looking for defense that rivals a deep built bunker base, I can assure you the _Vanguard_ is a fortress. There is nothing safer.” He smiled, and it felt so strangely alluring that even Major Brance leaned in. “However. If you’re interested in utilizing offense as your best defense, the _Relentless_ has a destructive power the likes of which has not been seen in this galaxy before from a ship. There is a plentitude of choices in between these extremes, but I’m aware of what really matters to you. I can assure you, this offer is not being given at a price. You are not being conscripted into enemy ranks. The Resistance will remain the separate entity it has always been, free to go off and.. fight the good fight as they say.”

The smugness was rolling off of him in waves. Rey wanted to tell him that it was probably working to his disadvantage, but stayed smartly quiet and let him dig his own grave instead.

“You can imagine how little your assurances mean to us right now, Admiral. We appreciate your help in these new, uncharted times, but that doesn’t erase the actions of the past. Living on a ship that your men built doesn’t sound very safe to me right now.” General Ematt sounded almost regretful, as though he’d almost been convinced of Hux’s offer for a moment. It was, after all, exciting to consider just how safe and comfortable the Resistance could be with a Star Destroyer of their very own. 

It just wasn’t worth the price of their souls.

“Is this a widespread agreement, then?” Hux asked, trailing his eyes across the room. He’d already known the answer - half of the leadership, the younger half, looked like they wanted to argue. But General Leia, Admiral Ackbar, and General Ematt simply looked tired. They knew better.

“What about a sort of compromise?” Rey piped out before she could stop herself. When all eyes turned to her, she realized she should have thought her idea out more carefully before preparing to present it. With a hard swallow, she tried to explain. “The danger is in gathering all of the Resistance in one place, isn’t it? Whether it be a planet, or a ship. Why not split up, then? Take Hux’s offer, man the ship with some crew, and then build a base on Onderon. If the goal here is really to be safe, then keeping everyone in one place is never going to be the better option.”

It was no great revelation. If anything, Rey was sure someone else would have brought up the option sooner or later. Still, when she waited for some kind of argument to shut her down, all she received was silence - and a very small, very proud little smile from Hux across the table. The idea settled in during the silence, until even Leia couldn’t see a downside worth mentioning about.

“We’ll consider it. I’d be more comfortable considering it if you stopped toying with us and explained what you think you’re going to get out this charade, Admiral.” Leia’s words were sharp, cutting straight to the bone. It made her sons lip quirk with the threat of a smile, but no one was paying enough attention to him at the moment to notice it. 

Hux made no effort to play coy with Leia. “There is a measure of control that is lost when I am sending out my forces to come save you from an attack, General. And I’ve had to do that twice now. _Twice._ You’ll forgive me if my attempts to fortify your militia feel out of place, but it’s a simple matter of giving you what you need in order to take care of _yourselves_.”

It was cruel. Hux knew it. The whole damn room knew it. The glaring inadequacies of the Resistance were laid out bare in his explanation, without the coating of his clever words to soften the blow. This time, Hux meant to prove just how serious he was about the offer; even if it meant disrespecting the entirety of the Resistance militia to do it.

He could see visions of the past playing out slowly in Leia’s eyes. The repetitive destruction that both the older generation of Rebels and the newer Resistance have been consistently barraged with. Loss after loss. No battle was ever won without great sacrifice, and often it came down to the inevitability of hoping for some kind of assistance. For the Resistance, a win simply meant _surviving_.

She wasn’t considering taking the battle to Snoke. But, oh, what she wouldn’t give to come out of a battle unscathed by loss. Just once.

Hux had buried his barb deep enough to make Leia question herself. He looked satisfied, as if he’d just won the entire damn war.

“The only reason I’m not slapping that look off of your face right now, Admiral, is because as much as I hate to admit it, this may not be such a bad idea after all.” Before Ematt could argue, she put her hand up to silence him. “Now I’m not saying the decisions been made. But if it means I don’t have to give a memorial after every damn attack, it’s worth some serious thought. Give us time to talk. You’ll have your answer by the end of the day.”

Hux tilted his head sharply down in a respectful nod. Half of the group already began to leave the room, headed for what Rey could only assume was their current choice of location for a more private discussion. Finn and Poe emerged from just behind the exiting leadership, where they’d been listening in. Just the sight of them made the tension in Rey’s shoulders sag away. Especially Poe, who was already on his feet despite his grievous injuries. Bandages peeked out from the collar of his shirt, and he was sporting a sling to match Finn’s even though she was sure Finn would be losing his any day now. Despite how little she enjoyed seeing either of them injured, the sight of their matching casts made her smile.

A hand gently pressed itself against the small of her back, barely touching her. She looked up to see Kylo by her side, already staring down at her. His touch had been to get her attention, as he bent in to whisper something in her ear.

She wanted time with her friends. He knew that. He could recognize the signs. He was telling her that he would find her later that night, but to Finn and Poe the scene took on another meaning entirely, exposing them to what Rey should have probably filled them in on long ago. As they followed behind the rest of the Resistance leadership, lagging behind just long enough to pass by Rey, she could read the disappointment in their eyes. Poe looked bewildered, but there was a resignation in Finn that made Rey wonder if he’d seen this coming all along, and was just waiting for it to come out.

Somehow, that made the guilt of her hesitance feel all the worse.

She reached out and stopped them, laying a hand on each good arm. Neither man fought her silent request, especially when they could both see that Kylo was leaving. That just left Hux, who looked as though he too would be leaving them alone. Still, he stalled, just behind Rey. He was waiting for something.

She turned around, as if she could feel his presence just behind her, and gave him a tiny, comforting smile. _It’ll be okay_ , she tried to tell him without words. By the way his lips tightened up in feigned disinterest, she was sure the message had been received.

“Gentlemen.” Hux nodded his head at the two in front of her, cordial and crisp and completely ignoring the twin looks of scathing disgust he was receiving in return. He left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Then it was just her, the two of them, and an overburdened tension weighing heavy in the air. So she faced it as she faced all things, now. Her chin lifted, her shoulders squared out, and she prepared to speak first.

She never had a chance.

“When were you planning on telling me?” Finn whispered, the hurt plain and evident in his voice. “Ever?”

Every word and thought she’d been building up for this moment came tumbling right out of her head, knocked away by the sound of his betrayal. Instantly she was on the defensive, dropping her hands away from them and settling them around her body. The room lights flickered briefly, but none of them seemed to notice. “I was waiting for the right moment! I’m sorry if letting you both focus on your health and recovery was more important to me than discussing my personal life!”

Finn’s eyes narrowed, and she sensed the suspicion as if it was crawling tangibly on her skin.

“How long.” He asked, clearly not convinced that this was a new development. “We’ve been in contact for months now. How long have you been keeping this a secret from me?”

“From us.” Poe piped in, the first thing he’d managed to say once his bewilderment had smoothed away. He hadn’t encroached on Rey’s personal space the way Finn had, but he was still close, and extremely uncomfortable. “I’d hate to be you when General Organa finds out.”

Rey’s eyes slid down, and then flickered up to meet Poe’s meaningfully. She bit her lip and winced, her expression so readable that he understood almost immediately. His jaw just barely dropped.

“She _knows_?” He whispered in disbelief. “And she’s - what? Okay with this? A lot of people have put their trust in the idea of you being a _neutral party_ here, Rey. If it gets out that you’re not so neutral after all, it’ll put a lot of lives at risk. And if she knows about it, her reputation’s on the line, too.”

“I _am_ a neutral party.” Rey hissed out. In front of her, Finn snorted audibly, and she punched him in the shoulder. “You know better than this! You know _me_ better! No one will ever change my priorities. I’m here to keep everyone alive. If there was ever a day when Hux or Kylo betrayed the trust I’ve put in them to keep the First Order peaceful, even they know I won’t hesitate to end this truce at the end of my lightsaber.”

A little bit of a lie, perhaps. But she was angry now. She didn’t think she had the courage to actually kill either of the men she’d become so attached to, but if they ever did betray her she knew she would have enough courage to stop them somehow. When she thought of it, she found she couldn’t even force herself to fear the idea.

She realized that she trusted them, so implicitly, that the possibility of betrayal couldn’t even take hold in her thoughts.

A bad time to be discovering these revelations about herself, perhaps, but good to know nonetheless.

Her words had done a good job of silencing the two men in front of her, however. There was power in her anger, which was a troubling topic to ponder on later; and they’d felt it as it washed over her, pronouncing in no uncertain terms that she was not compromised by love.

“So this... thing? Between you and him. It’s not really...” Finn stumbled on his words, trying to understand how Rey could have so easily said she would kill them. He looked like he was trying to find a polite way of asking if they were just fucking.

There was no polite way to ask this. He just let the question die in his throat.

“Are _real_ feelings involved?” Poe helpfully provided, allowing Finn to take a long breath of relief. “Between you and Kylo.”

When Rey hesitated to answer, both of them assumed this was because the question was complicated. They simply had no idea _how_ complicated it really was.

“Yes.” She started. Finn let out a shaky sigh, but Rey held her hand up. It was time to rip off the band-aid, now rather than later. “I love them.”

“Them?”

Finn quirked a brow when Poe’s breathless voice exhaled the word. He didn’t understand it, at first. He turned to Rey, and her expression only made his confusion worse. So he backtracked, repeating the words in his memory slowly. Then they clicked.

Both of his eyebrows rose.

“Them _who?_ ” He asked, already unable to even process the impossibility of the answer. Because who else could she be talking about except-

“Hux.” Her chin came up high again, refusing to feel shame for admitting it. “It’s not just me and Kylo. I’m also with Hux. I mean. _We’re_ with Hux. Together.”

She expected revulsion. Open hostility. Some kind of over-reaction that she would have to talk them through before they could return to a normal conversation. What she got instead was a long, almost impressed silence. Even Finn couldn’t believe it.

Not because she shouldn’t love Hux (though he firmly believed she shouldn’t). But because he was absolutely certain Hux did not actually _have a heart._

The tiny snort that escaped Poe worried Rey, but he instantly put his hands up in surrender. “Sorry. That’s going to take a while to process. Even you have to admit that Hux is a little... how do I put this?”

“Clinical.” Finn offered.

“Robotic?” Poe countered.

“Heartless.” Finn lifted his finger as if he was proud of this one, and Poe nodded in agreement. Rey grabbed Finn’s lifted hand and pulled it back down.

“You’re wrong. Both of you. He’s incredibly passionate, and brilliant, and respectful. And he’s going to see this truce all the way to the end. You’ll see. By the end of all of this, Hux is going to be touted a hero.”

Both men were looking at her with open doubt, one eyebrow raised. Their suspicion did nothing to change her resolve, even if she knew deep down just how unlikely that future sounded. Hux’s hand in the destruction of the Hosnian system would take more than just a successful ceasefire to make up for it.

But if anyone could do it, Hux could. She believed that.

“You’ve got terrible taste in men.” Poe said. The weak humor in his voice felt like a balm to Rey’s soul. She beamed up at him, without a word of disagreement. 

“I still don’t like this.” Finn admitted, earning himself a clap on the shoulder from the man beside him. He turned into Poe’s waiting arm, and frowned even when the comfort settled into his bones.

“That’s the thing, buddy. You don’t have to like it. None of us do. Just her.” But even as he said it, Poe’s eyes turned back to level Rey, flinty with determination. “But if they hurt you. If they so much as _think_ about hurting you - “

Rey rolled her eyes. It was nice to know that Poe was the protective type, but he had no real experience with Rey. If he had, he would have known that she liked to take care of herself. “Then I’ll hurt them back. And if I come home, you get to say you told me so all you want.”

Poe reached out, and pulled her into the small, tight hold he had on Finn. The three of them pressed together warmly, enveloping Rey in comfort and safety. It almost, almost reminded her of _her_ men.. except for that key missing component of desire.

Poe pressed his forehead against Rey’s temple, and she smiled. Despite the fear that this news was destined to chase them away, and the ever-growing threat of distance keeping them apart, she found such great comfort in knowing that she hadn’t lost her new family, after all.

“I don’t want to say I told you so.” Finn admitted, stunning Rey with the sincerity in his voice. He bent his head up and kissed her other temple, then curled in with the two of them, and sighed. “Just want you happy.”

“Well, I’ve got good news for you.” Rey chuckled out. “I’ve never been happier than this in my entire life.”

“Oh. Good!” Poe’s mischievous voice hummed out. “If that’s the case, we’ll just take you home with us and envelop you into our budding new relationship. Ain’t that right, Finn?”

Rey snapped her head back and stared, first at Poe, and then at Finn’s deep, ruddy red cheeks. Her mouth dropped open, and she started grinning so widely it hurt. 

“WHAT?” She yelled out, too close to Finn’s ear for comfort. “When did that happen?” 

Finn rubbed inside his ear with his pinky finger, and glared. “Relax. It was just yesterday. And _I_ wanted to be the one to tell you.” He growled out, reaching his good arm around to shove Poe weakly in the shoulder. “Jerk.”

The reaction had Poe laughing, but Rey was still bubbling with delight over the news. She understood now, why it hurt so bad to hear Finn say that he just wanted her happy. It was all she wanted for him too. And nothing in this world felt more right than trusting Poe to get the job done.

It was nice to feel something going right, for a change.

She grabbed Finn’s hand and squeezed it, pulling them both into her arms. She wanted to hear every detail, just to relish in this tiny bubble of good news. She should have known that meant it wasn’t meant to last.

The door hissed, and Hux ducked his head to burst through before it had fully opened. He grabbed Rey by the waist, urging her with a flick of his hand to follow him. She could hear Brendol’s voice shouting through his comm frantically, and she looked up to meet Hux’s eyes in question.

He didn’t need to say a word.

“What’s going on?” Poe had gone tense, acutely aware of the shift in Admiral Hux’s demeanor. Hux had little time to spare on briefing the men there, but as he pulled Rey back towards the door, he pointed at them swiftly.

“Get to your commanding officer at once. We’ve been compromised.”

The floor rumbled under their feet. It was subtle, nothing that could disturb their balance. It was just enough to tell them that something unexpected had gone wrong.

And this time, the Resistance were on the wrong side of that kind of surprise.

Rey could hear Brendol’s voice rising in growing distress. Hux let go of Rey’s waist reluctantly in order to take her hand, and usher her straightforward to his brother’s control center. They were running, all pretenses of dignity flung out the window. Hux didn’t care that Stormtroopers were seeing him dash through the halls with her in tow. Their lives were at stake, just as well as his.

He pressed his hand against the control panel for the lift, and ushered her inside once it arrived. Before it could close, a large hand slammed between the metal doors, sending them screeching as he pried the lift open. 

“Good of you to join us.” Hux muttered, his normal sarcasm fully compromised by the ashen look that had taken over his expression, and the distraction evident in his voice.

The lift hurled downwards.

“What _happened._ ” Kylo asked, before Rey even could. 

It was Brendol’s voice, over his brother’s wrist communication, that answered. “It was just a second. Barely noticeable. I mean, I noticed it. Of course I did, but I didn’t think it was anything. It shouldn’t have been anything! Xander, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I failed you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

He trailed off into a blubbering mess of apologies, none of which Hux had the time to acknowledge. He continued instead. “There’s been a security sabotage. It’s not from any of our men, that much Brendol’s made sure of. Whatever this is, it’s got control of the ship. That brief flicker Brendol is talking about is likely just meant to prove to us that Snoke has had control all along. He’s _toying_ with us.”

“What about the Resistance? Hux, what about my mother?”

The lift slowed as it reached its destination, and Hux answered quickly before the doors could open. “I’ve already cleared them for evacuation. They’re headed for the transports as we speak.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Army, I’m so sorry-”

Hux clenched one of his fists in determination, and shut off the comm before pushing Kylo out of the way as the door to the lift creaked open. Through clenched teeth, he muttered.

“If we get out of this alive, that woman won’t ever let me hear the end of this.”

* * *

Brendol might have been drowning in his apologies earlier, but when they arrived at his control room Rey could see that he was still hard at work tracking down the source of their security breach. The screen was blinking furiously with images too small for her to see, but his red-rimmed eyes were focused on them all, flickering wildly as they scoured for information. Rey thought he probably would have been crying, if he still had that capability. As it was, he already looked utterly wracked with self-loathing.

Still, he persisted.

“The rumble. What was it?” Hux did not ask after his brother, but rather went straight to work the moment he’d entered the room. Brendol’s eyes focused on one edge of the screen, which flooded with light as a specific image enlarged for Hux to see. It was the Stormtrooper barracks, and there was a giant hole torn right into it. It looked as though some monstrous space creature had decided to take a bite right out of the ship, leaving a jagged, hollow mess behind in its wake.

“I suspect it was a bomb on the exterior. No troopers down, but that section is sealed off now. _Now._ ” Brendol repeated that last phrase, emphasizing how important it was that the hole in their ship had remained open for some period of time. It didn’t matter how long. Something - or someone - could have gotten in.

The ship was compromised. Permanently.

“Hux.” Kylo whispered, his voice low with sincerity. “The Resistance. The _entire_ Resistance.”

There was no question. Hux could see his carefully laid out plans brushed off of the desk, and there was nothing left to do but start over, perhaps from scratch. He glared at Kylo for all of a second, before tapping on his comm.

“Lieutenant, have the Resistance been evacuated as ordered?”

“Almost, sir. They began boarding procedures immediately on your order, but it took longer than expected to ensure security boarding. They should be taking off in moments.”

“What about the people on this ship?” Rey asked, surging forward once Hux let his arm fall back to his side. “Aren’t you going to evacuate them, too?”

“As of right now, there’s every chance that a saboteur has entered our ranks. Our men will be dispatched to nearby ships once we’ve thoroughly vetted every single-”

“Xander.”

Brendol finally pulled himself away from the screen he was staring at, his eyes widening in dismay. There was more to tell, and he hadn’t realized until just that moment that Hux didn’t know.

“It’s not just this ship. That blip, the one you think he’s using to toy with you - that blip happened on every Star Destroyer in the fleet.”

Hux rocked back on his heels, as the rush of blood in his ears deafened him to anything but the sound of his own breath. He felt every string of control he’d ever plucked suddenly falling right through his hands. It was an illusion. All of it. From the very beginning... 

The news was a devastating blow, written in the chalky white pale of his face. Snoke had been toying with him, all along. There was no point in time when he had actually been in control.

He’d been played for an utter fool.

“Hux.” Kylo whispered gently, settling a hand on his back. Hux leaned into that touch, hard enough to force Kylo to keep him steady. There was nothing. The First Order had seemingly been under his control, and then in one tiny blip of power, that illusion had been shattered.

“Hux.” He whispered more urgently. His voice shook, as he trembled behind him. Kylo could feel the snapping loss of control in the only person he’d always counted on for it, and it was tearing them both down, piece by piece, simultaneously. Little bits of the precious facade were peeling away, revealing raw and red layers that Kylo did not want to see.

Rey stepped forward. In a slow, deliberate movement, she reached up and pressed her hands against both of Hux’s cheeks, pulling his rigid form down as far as she could get it before she got up on her tiptoes to meet him. Her forehead pressed against his, hard and demanding, forcing him to focus on the pain and pressure. He followed it to a pinpoint, taking hold of her arms and gripping them for support. The moment passed like a breeze, and when it was done, and he’d found himself again, Hux slit his eyes thin and pulled away with a sudden thought.

“Why _now_?”

He’d vaulted past the sudden catastrophic news to see beyond it, where he was still missing pieces that he immediately blamed for this lapse in judgement. Sure footsteps moved him past Rey, to stand firm beside his brother.

“Brendol, how many escape transports did General Leia require?” 

Hux’s voice had regained that sharp needling tone, the one that Rey knew meant he was fighting for control again. Beside her, Kylo’s arms slid around her body and pulled her in, engulfing her in his hold. He pressed his face against her hair, and warmed her with every inch he could.

“Thank you.” He whispered, gratefully. She didn’t need him to tell her what he was thanking her for.

“Fifteen, according to General Leia’s-”

“How many are currently in the air now?” 

It only took the man a second to respond, but there was a tremble in his voice when he realized it. “Sixteen. But Xander. They’re already on the move.”

Snoke had slipped in an extra escape transport ship, right under their noses. And he was about to send General Leia off to the planet with the entirety of the Resistance, plus that ship.

“Give me a private channel to the General.”

Brendol's face pinched in frustration.

“Privacy is _gone_ , Xander. There’s no way to contact Leia from this ship without the transmission being left susceptible to tracking. I haven’t even isolated where he’s got us yet. For all I know, the answer is _everywhere_.”

“Not quite everywhere.” Rey’s voice startled all three men, despite how soft her words had been. She sucked in a breath when three pairs of worried eyes turned towards her, and immediately pulled away to focus on Kylo instead. Her brow rose in a silent question only he could answer.

He loathed the answer.

“I can only give her a sense that something is wrong. I can’t tell her anything specific. How would that help?” It was clear by the disgruntled way he said it that he wasn’t happy about this. But when his answer confirmed what Rey had suspected, she was all smiles.

“She has an encrypted transmitter. She can use it in case of an emergency. There won’t be any tracking that. All she needs to know is that there’s cause to use it. Can you make her think there is?”

“No.” Kylo breathed out. “But I can make her aware that there’s danger. Knowing my mother, it won’t take her long to figure it out.”

Brendol had gone quiet and still during the conversation. Hearing two people speak of the Force like a tangible, physical communication tool was _fascinating_ to him. It gave a heavier weight to the nature of the Force, something he now felt could be measured if ever there was a need. He wanted to know more, but this was clearly not the time for it. Not when so many lives were at stake.

He looked up to Hux to see whether his brother would approve of it, and saw such pride glowing fiercely in his tense eyes that it took Brendol’s breath away. His brother’s expression remained grim and terse, but he looked at the two Force users as if they were his greatest treasure, and his most powerful weapon.

Brendol was not surprised at the latter. But he was floored by the former.

“Do it.” Hux whispered, nodding once at Kylo. There was no question - the first step they needed to take was to make sure Leia understood she was in danger. And Kylo, using his connection with his mother, had the power to do that.

Kylo pulled Rey closer into his arms. She pressed against him, stilling until she was nothing but a measure of support against his skin, offering up every ounce of strength and peace she could muster. He closed his eyes when her peace filled him. He followed the trail of it as it entered his bloodstream, slowing his blood until his heartbeat was a gentle sluggish thud. In the peace, his shoulders sagged with relief, and his head lowered until he could distantly feel it resting against the top of Rey’s hair. He breathed her in, slow and deep, and let the Force take him where it needed him to be.

He did not often let the Force control him. He loathed the very idea of it, fighting against its push and pull for most of his life. He loathed it even now, as it gathered his consciousness and carried it away from the girl in his arms. Her peace was the only thing keeping him pliant, and it lasted as far as reaching his mother. 

He could feel her presence in the Force. She was brilliant, drowning out all of the stars. He couldn’t see her, but he could feel her turn in recognition of his presence, reaching out to receive him with open arms.

He did not need Rey’s peace, now. There, in his mother’s arms, there was only one thing he was meant to convey. The warning shuddered through him, terror gripping the undertow of their connection and pulling Leia down into its spell.

 _Danger._ She felt it, she recognized it, she feared it. That was the best that he thought he could do.

He was wrong.

 _Ben._ His mother’s voice trembled when it whispered his name, and his true eyes opened wide, unseeing. She held so much more power than he’d ever expected, untrained as she was. She was reaching back to him, her voice vibrating against his skin and flooding his thoughts. His name had been a question, but it had also been a caress. She was _grateful_ that he could still reach out to her, like this.

Tears were streaming down his cheeks, as he stood there on the ship. No one, not even the girl in his arms who felt them disappear against her hair, moved to disturb him despite that.

 _Mother._ He shouldn’t have been able to say anything, but the word traveled through steel and space and reached her as if she was at his side, even now. So he continued, because if connections like this were possible, he was going to make the best use of it. He could feel himself pulling back into his own mind, even now. He had only one chance to make a difference.

He struggled with what to say. There was no more time left. No chance to think, to decide what would be best. He had to give her something. Anything.

_Stop._

The Force took his word to heart, and severed their connection before he could even figure out if she’d received his last message.

He slammed back against the wall behind him, sliding down a foot before his knees locked and kept him from falling. Rey fumbled as she fell against him, searching for her own footing so she could stand again. When he righted himself, he dropped his arms and freed her from his grip. Then, both of them turned to Brendol, whose eyes were back on his screens. Watching. Waiting.

He smiled.

“The ships have stopped moving. All sixteen.”

Hux suspected the ship had orders to blend in seamlessly with the rest of the Fleet. He was sure it was filled with traitorous First Order members, armed to the teeth and prepared to slaughter the Resistance the moment they landed. It felt a little convoluted, even for Snoke.

But now that he thought hard about Snoke's history with warfare, he realized the man was not as powerful of a strategist as he was a Force user. Then he recalled that all of his fleet were currently compromised by the man, and he let that feeling of self-righteousness slowly bleed away.

There was only one fool, here.

“Now we wait. Intercept and transfer all incoming transmissions to this control room. I don’t even want the main bridge to get wind of it. If a call comes in through public channels, terminate it immediately-”

A light blipped on the control panel, and Hux’s voice strangled to silence when he saw it. He waited, holding his breath as his brother checked it, and only breathed when he saw that knowing smile.

“Let me guess.” General Leia’s voice filled the room. Rey squealed, pumping her fist in victory and then jumping back into Kylo’s arms. Her hug nearly crushed him around the middle, and he accepted the pain of it gladly.

“This is about that ship out there that’s trying to pass as one of ours. Is that right?”

This time, it was Hux’s turn to smile. Tight and brief as it was, he couldn’t help but appreciate that General Leia wouldn’t have missed something so small, but still so important. “Quite right, General. Have you full assurance that you did not pick up a spy on any of your other vessels? If so, I recommend we handle the situation before heading planetside. I would hate to see all of our hard work wasted.”

“Seems a little too easy, don’t you think?”

Leia’s words made Hux’s tiny smile falter.

“I have been wondering the same thing. Care to shed any light on what other options are at our disposal?”

“Hux.” Leia’s voice had gone cold, and strangely accepting. It made Kylo’s back turn rigid, when he heard it.

Something was wrong.

“We’ve scanned the ship. There’s no one on it. It’s being piloted remotely. Which means-”

“It’s not an ambush.” Hux breathed out, finishing the sentence for her. His eyes widened, before he surged forward and all but screamed into the transmitter. “Make the jump to light speed. Any destination. DO IT NOW.”

It was a little too late for new tactics. He’d been too focused on the Queen, and missed the pawn entirely.

A pity. He was normally so good at chess.

When the empty ship began to implode, only two of the transports had been quick enough to make the jump, and one of those still sustained heavy damages before it disappeared. The implosion of the bomb-laden transport tightened inward, before waves of destruction burst out and engulfed ship after ship, decimating what remained. It ate away at the entirety of the Resistance, wildfire spreading until there was nothing left but the aftershocks that were still traveling outward.

When they hit Hux’s fleet, the Finalizer took the brunt of the hit, carved straight across its nose. The destruction did not have the power to actually break the Finalizer in two, but the jagged line across its front was quickly bubbling with engulfing fire, clawing its way towards the reactors. It wouldn’t be long until the powerful ship destroyed itself.

The power flickered, and then was disrupted entirely. Emergency lighting flooded the room they were in with a sickening red light, leading the way towards the exits.

Snoke had all but wiped out the Resistance in one blunt display of aggression, and taken the First Order’s flagship down with it. 

Rey was screaming when Kylo picked her up over his shoulder and waved open the control room door with his hand. Brendol couldn’t move, locked in place in his chair staring at a dead screen. His hands were gripping the armrests, nails digging into the plastisteel as the last image he’d received before they lost power replayed in his mind, over and over. 

Hux reached out and gripped his brother by the shoulders, pulling him forcefully up off of the chair and shoving his prone body out of the room. He was saying something, trying to get Brendol to listen to him, but something must have gone wrong with his hearing because there was nothing getting through. Hux’s mouth was moving, frantic and angry enough to spit, but Brendol couldn’t hear a word.

He let Hux lead him all the way to the docking bay, and vaguely registered that it was on fire. He let Hux push him up a ramp, into a sleek black ship, and then fell to sit on the ground as soon as his brother's hands were off of him. He could see his brother at the cockpit, priming the engines and haphazardly taking off. He could see all of these things, but he couldn’t hear them.

It occurred to him that the power outage might have affected his processor, since he’d still been connected when it had happened. He reached up to reboot his system, but before his fingers could touch on the controls hidden under his hairline, his hand dropped down again.

He didn’t _want_ to hear anything. Not now. Not like this. Not when all of those people would never hear anything, ever again.

He slumped down to lie on the grate of Hux’s ship, felt it rumble silently against his skin, and let the scene play in his mind’s eye over and over, until he was numb from the shock of it.

He thought he’d never have to see carnage of that magnitude with his own eyes, ever again.

He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fought me tooth and nail. I even asked my friend Sheila to beta it because it was just HARD to write that kind of thing and not feel like you're ruining everything. I hope it comes out clear and we all make it through this, unlike the Resistance who really don't seem to have a lot of luck with getting through things lately, do they.
> 
> Anyway thanks for being so patient with this one, Christmas holiday was busy as heck and TLJ also got me super into writing some reylo one shots that have been sitting around for a bit, check those out if you like! I've got one more coming soon. 
> 
> Also if you like my writing please consider taking a look at my Knights of Ren one shot I wrote recently, it is technically still set in this verse but whether or not the KoR show up here is yet to be seen, sufficed to say they're still alive though and I had tons of fun writing all about them so I hope you like it, if you do let me know! Thanks!


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter-specific warnings: a short sex scene 3/4ths in, easily skipped without missing anything important! Just scroll a bit once Hux gets saucy if that's not your thing.

“You need Luke Skywalker.”

It was the first thing his mother said to him. Not a greeting, or an assurance that she was unharmed. She didn’t even give him a chance to ask. The moment their connection was re-established on the _Vanguard_ , Kylo’s mother cut straight to the chase. It was clear by the tone of her voice that she had no idea how long their connection would remain safe, or even usable. There was no time for sentimentality. 

It enraged him. But not because of the brusque manner with which she handled him. 

To suggest he ever _need_ that _snake_ again-

His lips lifted in a visible sneer. A heartbreaking roar bellowed through him, as he abandoned the communications array before ever giving her an answer. The room stilled in the wake of his rage, a communal clench of terror as the officers froze in trepidation. Rey and Hux were left bewildered, staring at his back as he stormed off to the other end of the bridge.

A quick glance between the two found them choosing what mess to handle. Rey remained at the console to speak with Leia, while Hux turned on his heel and stormed off after Kylo. 

“General?” Rey stuttered out, as she picked up the communications array. “Sorry, General? It’s Rey. What do you mean, we need Luke?”

There were a few seconds of heavy silence before Leia let out a sharp sigh. “I don’t like it as much as any of you, but you’re dealing with things that can’t be solved in a blasterfight. I’m not questioning your strength, or Ben’s - I’m not even questioning the strength of the First Order. Rey, sometimes the only right answer is the one you’d rather avoid at all costs. And trust me, right now the last thing I want to do is involve Luke in all of this.”

“Then why? What will Luke do that no one else can?”

“That’s… a difficult question to answer.” Leia’s voice had a sad, nostalgic tinge of humor to it. “Let’s just say he’s good at beating the odds.”

Rey felt the vibrations under her feet and swiveled her head to see Kylo barrelling forward towards the communications array, with Hux following quickly behind. She whirled backward just in time to get out of his way before he slammed on the controls and growled into the mic.

“Did he tell you?” Kylo’s voice was a perfect mix of blood-curdling anger and heartbreaking anguish. “Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple. Did he _tell you, mother_?”

Rey’s breath left her as the words were followed by silence. She could hear Han’s voice in her mind, clear as day. Destroyed the temple. Kylo had done that, and he didn’t even shy away from the truth. He admitted it, used it as a weapon against his mother. Just for mentioning Luke’s name.

Rey’s face scrunched up into tight-lipped resentment.

“I didn’t give him much of a chance.” Leia finally admitted. “When he refused me, things got a little heated. I’m probably not the best person to try and talk him into coming back, despite being his sister.” She paused, before continuing in a quieter voice. “Besides. I think that’s a story better told by you.”

The impact of Leia’s words had a visible effect on Kylo. He took a step back as if he’d been struck, staring wide-eyed at the console. It would have been easy to mistake his reaction as angry, or insulted, but both of his partners knew better. Underneath the thick layers of resentment and pain hid a man who’d wanted nothing more than to be trusted the way his mother had just offered to trust him.

After all this time, it _hurt_ to get exactly what he’d wanted all along.

Hux took his turn at the console, under the correct assumption that Kylo wouldn’t recover anytime soon. “I confess myself a little shocked to hear that you would trust the matter of Skywalker’s retrieval to the man who’s been searching the galaxy to end his life. But if that’s what you feel is best -”

“I don’t.”

Leia’s voice had turned crisp the moment Hux was on the line, and she never let him finish his melodious conversation. “You’re not sending Ben to get him back, either. That’s not fair to either of them, and you know it.”

It occurred to Rey, quite suddenly, that Leia was probably suggesting _she_ try to bring Luke Skywalker back from exile. She’d never met the man. Her entire life, she’d thought him some wild-spun tale of fiction, a myth meant to teach children the value of morality. 

She was nothing to him.

Hux lifted his eyes to meet hers, having come to the same conclusion. He looked - worried. It was an expression she hardly ever saw on his face, and when aimed at her she had to admit it was distractingly charming.

She reached out and cupped his jaw with her hand. The other took the array. “General, it’s Rey. Do you mean to ask me, then?”

“I do.”

“Why would Luke listen to me, when he wouldn’t even listen to his own sister?”

“Two reasons.” Leia’s humor-tinged lilt sounded so lovely, even over the com. “The first, I’m not going to bother telling you about. The second is a lot easier. I’m not sending you alone.”

Leia had managed to say just the right thing to distract Rey away from prodding about the first reason. Her brow perked at the idea of company, immediately picturing Finn, Poe, and BB-8 joining her on her journey. They wouldn’t change Luke’s mind any better than she would... but the concept of another adventure with the friends she’d left behind thrilled her to no end. She couldn’t stop grinning, then.

“Who?”

“Chewie. And Luke’s old droid.”

Her grin dropped like a stone.

“Oh.”

“Don’t sound so excited.” Leia scoffed out, trying not to laugh. “They’re already headed your way. Chewie was really looking forward to seeing you again.”

Rey bit her lip, immediately regretful. “I _am_ excited. I just thought - well. Nevermind what I thought.” She cut herself off when her eyes caught movement at her side; the subtle stiffness of Hux’s back, the tight purse of his lips, the creak of leather as his fists tightened.

“I still say you’d have a better chance at convincing him than I would.” Rey breathed out. There was a lengthy pause on the other side, as though Leia was giving fair consideration to her opinion before brushing it all away. 

“Good luck, Rey. With him? You’ll need it.”

Leia’s com cut out before Rey could even ask after the rest of the crew and her friends. She grunted with disappointment and then turned to face the mess Leia’s demands had left behind for her to clean up. Hux was still behind her, his hand barely brushing against the small of her back. Kylo had retreated to the other side of the bridge again, hunched over in frustration. His fists were clenched tight, and his hunched back rose and fell in shaky breaths.

She gave Hux a quick look, before leading him over to Kylo’s side.

“Lieutenant.” Hux’s commanding voice snapped out. The head communications officer stood at attention. Hux waved a hand airily in the direction of the crew, fully expecting the Lieutenant to handle them. “Leave us.”

They were gone seconds later. Rey reached out to touch Kylo’s shoulder then, urging him to let go of the tension he was holding in every muscle of his body and turn towards her, instead.

He did not respond.

“Do you think she’s right?” Rey asked. She could feel the response to her words instantly in their bond; a solid mix of pride over being asked his opinion, and frustration that there was any question at all. Still, his answer came as sullen and unhappy as she would have expected it to be.

“No.”

“She tells us that she does not underestimate us,” Hux hissed out, through closed teeth. “And yet is that not exactly what this is? What can one man do that an entire army would fail at?”

Hux’s words sparked a surprising note of dissonance within Kylo. He felt the truth, clear and painful as it was, sitting there on the tip of his tongue. He knew the answer to that question. He’d always known, because he’d strived to be that kind of man his entire life. And yet, here in the wake of his failure, a traitorous part of him admitted to himself that yes, his mother had a point.

The thought made him wither.

But at least he wasn’t being sent to retrieve him.

His head lifted up, and his eyes finally met Rey’s. There was so much confusion there, swirling in her eyes as she waited for him to give her some kind of explanation about all of this. He wanted to tell her everything, to destroy any chance that Luke would turn her against him. But he knew, discouraging as it was, that Rey would never convince the man to help if she already hated him.

He doubted she had any real chance of convincing Skywalker to do anything at all. And worse than that, a tiny voice inside of him whispered fearful thoughts of sending her off to a madman. 

She was strong. So unbelievably strong. What, then, would Skywalker do if he saw her as a threat?

The thought made every ounce of his blood boil with tangible hatred. His hostility was so apparent that Rey took a step away from him, as though the feeling of it disturbed her.

“I’m missing something.” Hux breathed out in annoyance. “Aren’t I?”

“If you’re going to face Skywalker, I won’t let you go there unprepared.” Kylo was speaking to Rey now, ignoring the question Hux had asked. The Admiral huffed under his breath, but otherwise remained silent. Force blind as he was, even he could tell something important was passing between them.

“Then. Prepare me.” Rey demanded, taking back the space between them. She reached up to cup his face, pulling it closer. It was as if she wanted him to spill the contents of his heart and soul out right there, against her waiting lips and captivating eyes.

He wasn’t interested.

“Not now.” He growled out, turning his face to kiss the palm of her hand. “And not sober.”

“Finally.” There was a tension in Hux’s voice that was only partially relieved when alcohol was mentioned. He did not appreciate the intimacy of a moment that made him feel like an outsider, and alcohol sounded like as good of a problem solver to him as ever. “I’ll have something delivered to my quarters. Unless you two would rather be _alone_.”

The sting in his voice was easily noted. Kylo decided to take the initiative, for once, and spoke first. “There are a lot of things I’d rather have than the situation presenting itself in front of us, right now. Being apart from either of you is not one of them.”

It was clear by the sour purse of Hux’s lips and the sharp sigh that escaped him that Kylo’s affection would get no outward appreciation. But the tone of his voice betrayed how secretly pleased he was to hear it. “Sentimental fool.” He muttered, pushing past the both of them to lead the way. “I shouldn’t bother getting you drunk. All you’ll be doing is spouting sentiment soon enough.”

Though they followed him without a word, Rey had the sinking suspicion that Hux was at least partially wrong about that.

* * *

Hux’s quarters was a shoddy mimicry of the accommodations he’d gotten used to on the Finalizer. He held no sentimental value to anything in particular that he’d now lost, but he still felt a great swell of frustration over the waste of good furniture and even better liquor. Nothing on this ship would come close to his brandy, but such things were frivolous when compared to the threat of real loss.

Still. He mourned the waste. Just a little bit.

The alcohol they’d sent up to his quarters was some sort of clear liquid, tasteless and sharp. It wasn’t meant to be enjoyed, but to be consumed in the hopes that it would intoxicate quickly and effectively. He hated alcohol like that. It, too, felt like an utter waste.

He handed them both half-filled glasses of it, anyway.

“Something about this Skywalker business troubles me.” Hux muttered, swirling the liquid in his glass thoughtfully. “I understand he’s a powerful Force user. But that cannot possibly be the only reason your mother considers him the key to our victory. There’s something more.”

Kylo stared down into his glass, his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. “If she knows something that I don’t, she’s not going to give that information up easily. As far as I can tell, his only contribution is his strength.”

Rey hadn’t touched her drink while they discussed the topic, but when a lull of silence fell between them, she gulped it all down in one swift swig. The action left both men distracted from their thoughts, staring as she gagged at the taste. Finally, once the burn let her throat unclench again, she spoke.

“So what do I need to know?” All of the sinister, vague chatter was never her style. She cut straight to the point, staring Kylo down expectantly. “Or do I really need to wait until you’ve had more drinks before you’ll tell me?”

Her brash audacity always had a way of making Hux smile.

Kylo, however, had nothing to smile about. He took his drink as hard as she did, without the dramatics afterward. Then he reached out and poured himself a second one. This, alone, was his answer.

Rey rolled her eyes.

“How bad could it possibly be? He’s Luke Skywalker. It’s not like I’m in any danger around him.”

Kylo’s hand tightened on the bottle in mid-pour, then pulled it back quickly. It was such a minuscule reaction, and yet Hux did not miss it.

Neither did Rey.

“.. right?”

“That answer is more complicated than yes or no.” Kylo grumbled out into his glass, as he lifted it to his lips and kept it there. It offered pathetic protection from the weight of the conversation. “If he senses your power, your connection with me, or your lack of discipline-”

_”Hey!”_

“-I don’t trust him to make the right decision around you. I don’t trust him, period.”

A heavy hush fell over the three of them. There was something there, a story Kylo was hesitating to tell, and Rey had to wonder if he really did need the time to get drunk before he was finally going to explain himself to them. Luckily, he did not.

Though he stared down at his drink, his eyes turned distant. Far away. She knew he was seeing something, in that moment. Something important.

Something terrible.

“He sensed my power.” Kylo began, his voice sharp and unhappy. “As he might one day sense yours. And he feared it. He moved to strike me down in cold blood while I was asleep. Me.” His eyes stayed focused, cold and cruel, on his drink as he recalled the events of that night. “His own nephew.”

Rey’s fingers relaxed, opening carelessly until her empty glass fell with a muffled thump against the carpeted floor.

“I thought I’d killed him, that night. Buried him in that hut I’d once called home. We took his temple down, destroyed it. But the _loyal_ ones fought against us. They refused to believe that the _great Luke Skywalker_ would ever do something as heinous as try to kill one of his own students. They branded me a liar.”

He swung his hand up to finish off his drink, relishing the burn as it went down his throat. “They were blindly devoted, so desperate to cling to the legends of the past. And stubborn. So very stubborn.”

And now, thanks to him and those who’d followed his lead, they were long since dead.

“What about the ones who weren’t as stubborn?” Hux’s voice sounded so small, in that moment. There was a softness so rarely heard, that was offered freely for this. Gone were the sharp insults and snarky comments. Kylo’s honestly was too important to ruin with all of that.

“You’ve met them.” Kylo’s eyes lifted to rest on Hux with a touch of gratefulness. “The Knights of Ren. Snoke became their master, and when he felt they were... ready, he gave them back to me.”

Rey did not want to think about what that process entailed.

“I wouldn’t say I’ve truly met the lot. I’ve seen them around you, once or twice. At the time, they were as mysterious and enigmatic as you were. Now I see why.” 

“How..” Rey finally spoke up, but her voice broke and wavered as if the mere attempt to speak now was the most difficult thing she’d ever done. “How _could_ he?”

And that response, as thrilling as it was, was _exactly_ what Kylo had been worried about. He reached a hand out, gesturing for Rey to come closer. When she did, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, limp and unresponsive as she was.

“He’s had decades to think up an excuse for his actions. I’m sure that by the time you meet him, he’ll have come up with something adequate.”

“There’s no excuse for that. You were his _family_ , Kylo. He betrayed you. He _destroyed_ Ben Solo, and created you. All this time I’ve blamed Snoke, when really-”

“No.”

Kylo’s hand tightened around her. The sternness in his voice startled her silent, because she did not ever expect Kylo Ren, of all people, to come to Luke Skywalker’s defense on any issue. Still, that was exactly what she got.

“Snoke turned me to the Dark Side. He alone showed me its power, and I took it. Luke Skywalker may get credit for a great many mistakes in his life, but my choices do _not_ get to be one of them.”

Rey realized, as her stomach deflated with disappointment, that she’d secretly been hoping to have a new outlet for her anger. The destruction of so many Resistance lives in that last attack had left her broken and desperate for retribution. Snoke was untouchable for now, but Luke, at least, could have answered to the brunt of her rage. 

Despite Kylo’s words, he might still do just that.

“You were going to kill him.” Rey pointed out, her puffed out cheeks softening the blow of her words. But not even that could soften Kylo’s response.

“I still might.”

A heavy silence fell between them, as though one was waiting for the other to blink. Rey wanted him to say he didn’t mean that. Kylo wanted her to understand that he very much did. And neither of them looked willing to give way for the other in this case.

The uncomfortable energy escalated with every passing second.

“Far be it from me to interrupt this lover’s quarrel,” Hux said, cutting through the tension between both Force users as they glared each other down. “But none of this answers the pressing question of just _what use_ Skywalker is when we still don’t know the location of Snoke?”

His point brought them both back to the problems of the present. Their eyes fell on him, and he straightened his back to accept the attention. “Your mother believes Skywalker is powerful enough to find and eliminate our former Supreme Leader. I admit that even Snoke himself seemed obsessed with eliminating the Jedi before he could be found. You were nearly as obsessed yourself - which leads me to believe that you harbor the same opinion of the man as your mother when it comes to power. Am I correct in this assumption?”

Kylo’s teeth gnashed audibly. He did not want to answer this question. If it was anyone but Hux or Rey asking, he would have lied without remorse. 

“Yes.”

Hux turned to Rey, his eyebrows risen just slightly. “And you are set to go and retrieve him, having newly found out that he just tried to kill the man you care for. Have I got that right?”

Rey winced, hating the way Hux cut straight to the chase. She thought she could have controlled her anger, before he’d said it like that. She didn’t like just how well he saw through her sometimes.

“Take another drink, Rey. You’re going to need it.”

Without so much as a moment to second guess it, Rey complied with Hux’s demand. He nursed his own drink, tapping his fingernails against the side of the glass. He was thinking, but he could tell Kylo was not going to respect that when the man loomed closer. His entire body shadowed Hux from the light.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t have told her? That I should have let her fly off to meet this man, knowing full well that he may try to kill her for the same reasons he tried to kill me?”

The venom in Kylo’s voice sent a surprisingly pleasurable shiver down Hux’s back. He chastised himself for the reaction. Now was not the time.

“Not at all. She needed to know. However, it might be in everyone’s best interests if we take some time to arm her with reminders that everyone she respects believes Luke Skywalker to be the only chance we have of ridding the galaxy of Snoke, once and for all.”

“Everyone?” Rey leaned around to face him. “Do you believe that, Hux?”

She’d caught him there, and he gave her a sly smile dripping with pride. “I trust Kylo’s opinion of matters pertaining to Force users.. but frankly, there’s no solid reason for me to believe Luke Skywalker will be the turning point in this fight yet. That’s not to say he won’t be, and I believe in having every advantage available to you when facing the unknown. So whether I believe it or not isn’t important.” He reached out, cupping her cheek in one hand. “What’s important is making sure we have him, in case he does end up being our Ace. He may be the key to ending this sooner, rather than later. The number of lives that might save must be your top priority.”

Rey’s hand settled against the one on her cheek, but her expression looked troubled. Nothing mattered more than keeping another catastrophe from taking place, but she couldn’t simply ignore what she now knew about this man.

“And once Snoke is gone? What then?”

She could feel Kylo tensing, close as she was to him. They’d all come together, barely inches apart without realizing it. Their conversation turned quiet, though no one was around. They were sharing secrets, now.

“When that time comes, we can decide what to do with him.” Hux’s fingers moved to brush across Rey’s lips, making her eyelids flutter with the contact. He leaned forward, and she was so sure he would kiss her in this highly inappropriate moment. Instead, his voice hushed to a whisper so dangerous it made her throat bob. “You should not be surprised to know that I, too, crave a fair bit of retribution for what that man almost did. The difference here is that I’m willing to wait for it.”

The tension she felt tightening up Kylo’s body slowly eased away. As usual, Hux knew exactly what to say to get both of them where he wanted them, with ease. She licked her lips where he’d touched them, and then swallowed.

“Fine. I’ll bring him back.”

Hux’s lips twitched in a smile.

“I hope it’s worth it.”

“Worth what?” A dozen possibilities passed through her head, all of them wrong.

This time he did kiss her, the movement needed to close the gap between them so slight it barely felt like he’d moved at all. The brush against her lips was soft, but he lingered, refusing to pull away until he felt satisfied.

As if he could ever feel it at all.

“Why, sending you off, out of our arms, of course.” He told her, as if it should have been obvious. Like a switch had been flipped, Kylo’s tension returned. She felt it in every one of his muscles, many of which were now pressing against her side. His head dropped and rested on her shoulder.

Sad, she realized. Kylo Ren.. was sad.

The changes she’d seen in these men began to break her heart.

“It won’t be long.” Was she really trying to comfort them? How had she come to this place in her life? How had any of them? The disbelief began to claw its way through her, leaving her dizzy. The alcohol in her system didn’t help.

“A lifetime.” Hux assured her, effortlessly smooth as always. He smiled, a tiny thing that had her focusing too hard on his lips. And she was sure, as always, that he noticed.

She felt the great sweep of Kylo’s arms suddenly wrap around her waist, crushing her against him from behind. Her breath escaped her, and refused to return until she laid her head back against him and accepted the envelopment, falling limp to his hold.

“And to think,” Hux said, still so quiet and amused even as he ran a simple digit down the curve of her collarbone. “We haven’t even had a chance to make you ours, yet.”

_I am yours._ She wanted to tell them. _Wholly. Utterly._

But she knew what he meant.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Hux hummed out, taking on a reciting tone. “That _is_ something I have heard people say. I suppose we’re about to find out if that’s true, aren’t we? I’ve never been one for matters of the heart before, but I suspect there might be some truth to the phrase.”

Rey’s expression broke out into a grin so brilliant it almost hurt to look at. “Hux,” She murmured, clear mischief caught in her throat. “I think you _like_ me.”

She could feel Kylo vibrating with a silent chuckle against her back.

“How dare you.” Hux huffed out, turning his head to the side. His eyes stayed on her, side glancing with the perfect mimicry of haughty disdain. “I’ve never been so insulted in all my life.”

A quiet beep interrupted the warm moment that had begun to settle comfortably into the three of them. Hux reached behind him and pulled a communications pad from his desk to answer its call. She could see that rare warmth drain from his eyes the instant he read it, but it threatened to come back when he put down the pad and returned to pressing against her.

“My dear.” He whispered. “Your ride is here.”

For the third time, Rey felt the tension in Kylo’s body harden with every muscle. This time, though.. It felt different. Worse. So much worse. 

She felt pain bleeding out of him, through the Force. A pain that was all his own.

“I guess I should hurry up then, huh?” She said. Her words sounded like she meant to leave. Her hands told another story, gripping the lapel of Hux’s jacket and pulling him just a bit closer. She felt Kylo’s hands extend until those long arms effortlessly wrapped themselves around both Rey and Hux’s slim waists at once. He was always such a possessive one.

“Oh, yes.” Hux agreed. His words mimicked hers in their dishonesty. He ached to move their embrace down, down where he could undress them both, and show her just how much he did not want her to rush.

“The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you’re back.” Kylo agreed. He was less careful about the betrayal in his voice, especially when his lips immediately closed on the skin of Rey’s neck and ran his tongue against it just to taste her. He made her moan, a quiet little thing that might as well have been a scream for all the good it did.

Her hand reached up, drowning itself in the dark of Kylo’s hair. She pressed down, forcing him to stay right where he was. Refusing to let him go.

Refusing to let him let her go.

“Look at you.” Hux growled out, his voice thick with lust. Rey’s body was arching up against him instinctually, and he tsked in regret. “We’ve got you all excited now. Leaving you unsatisfied like this and sending you off on your own to save the galaxy is shameful of us.” Hux murmured, mouthing against her jaw. “Perhaps we can be quick about it.”

She froze, even as her blood rushed hot and needy down to the pit of her stomach. “I don’t want the first time to be-”

She was interrupted by his laughter, which cooled her arousal significantly. “I wasn’t suggesting we take you here in this office, sweet girl. I only suggest you allow me the chance to satisfy your needs. Far be it from me to send you off on a long journey in this state. Wouldn’t you agree, Kylo?”

He received nothing but a grunt in response, vibrating out of the man as his teeth joined his lips and tongue in their assault on Rey’s neck.

“You don’t need to - _Hux!_ ” Her refusals were being largely ignored since Hux was already undoing the fasteners of her pants and tugging them down off of her hips. The heat that his laughter had cooled off suddenly returned in one final, desperate surge of need.

She couldn’t say no to this. She didn’t want to. After all they’d been through, and all she was about to take up on her own shoulders, she thought she deserved just one moment where she could let her mind go blank, and just feel.

Hux crouched down to finish the job of removing all the obstacles in his way. First one pantleg, then the other, and then much slower came her underwear, which he slid down with only two fingers.

“Kylo.” Hux’s voice still sounded so in control. So clerical. “Would you terribly mind putting those ridiculous muscles to use in order to assist me here?”

Rey yelped when she realized what Kylo was doing, and what Hux meant by _assist_. She was being lifted, her lower body sitting comfortably against the crook of both of Kylo’s arms. His hands curved along her knees, fully supporting her.

She fought the urge to press her legs together, even as he slowly parted them in front of Hux, like an offering. She could see the dilation in Hux’s eyes, the moment they focused on her splayed out in front of him. It made her cheeks burn bright with a warm flush of nervousness.

He studied her, finally leaning in to spread her open with the help of two fingers. When he did, he let out a long, shuddering exhale.

“Oh.” He whispered, out of breath. “Just _beautiful.”_

He leaned in, and his tongue licked a stripe all the way up until it could wrap around the swollen nub of her clit, and suck there. It was too much, too fast, and it had Rey bucking instantly into his waiting mouth.

He pulled away, tearing another cry out of her; this time from despair. “I want you to know this, Rey. I am not an impatient man. Had we all the time in the world right now, I would have taken my time with you. I _will_ , when you return to us. Remember this, even as you let go. This is nothing, compared to what I have planned for the future.”

The future. Force, she loved the sound of that word. It made her heart clench with an entirely different kind of need, as she dwelled on it, instead of the way his plump lips shone with her slick arousal. He sought to warn her, and just as equally promise her; that this was nothing, compared to what lay in store. And yet, as he bent back in to devour her, she couldn’t imagine anything felt better than this.

His tongue was masterful. Her cries turned her throat hoarse as she clawed back against Kylo, as the steady pressure of his body kept her from losing her mind. Kylo breathed her in, his nose brushing against her hair, and soon memorized the sound of her moaning into the air, begging for something she yet had no name for. He was a solid rock even as she bucked, responsive to Hux’s exquisite work on her sex.

He was quick, true to his word. Somehow, he knew exactly where to push, where to suck, to make her body rise up of its own accord and crash into ecstasy. This was not the slow burn of Kylo’s fingers, writhing in the bed desperate for release. This was an explosion, blinding and deafening her to its power.

When it was over, she was left limp and boneless, gasping for breath. But satisfied. So, so satisfied.

Hux continued to lick her lazily, lapping up what she had to offer until she screeched with sensitivity and pushed his head away. He chuckled, wiping the entire lower half of his face off with the back of his glove, and then bent to retrieve her things.

She was in no state to clothe herself. Kylo continued to hold her steady, even as Hux slipped her underwear back on her, one leg after another. He gave her the same service with her pants, though both remained at her knees until Kylo gently let her body down. His arms clenched around her waist, in case her legs weren’t yet ready to stand on their own. (They weren’t.)

And Hux continued, going so far as to fasten the pants up exactly as they were. By then, Rey felt she could stand again, and Hux bent his head up from the attention of her pants to see a wide, nearly goofy smile plastering her face.

He hated to admit just how gratifying the sight of that silly smile truly was.

“You know,” She said. “Most people think a kiss goodbye is good enough.” 

She sounded drunk. Hux wondered if it was the alcohol or her orgasm lending that slur to her voice. Either way, he reached up and brushed her hair back, hiding all the flyaways that her thrashing had caused. When he spoke again, his voice was thick with his own brand of satisfaction. 

“I am not most people.”

Rey sighed, her head dropping down to rest on his shoulder as her hands clasped over the large ones wrapped tight around her waist. Briefly, she reached out to taste of Kylo’s emotions through the Force, searching for some sense of jealousy or frustration.

All she found was peace. She remembered the moment Brendol had shown her, when she’d first kissed Hux on the cheek. He’d been so peaceful then, too.

It was so unexpected.

“And neither are you.” Hux pointed out, as if he somehow knew that she was using the Force in that moment. “I daresay none of us fit into common categories.”

She grinned against his shoulder, her head shifting affectionately against him. “Just the way I like it.”

* * *

It hadn’t taken them long to leave for the hangar, but Chewbacca had already fueled and stocked up by the time they’d gotten there. He was waiting, stoic and stubborn, in the cockpit for her. 

Rey knew the reason why he wouldn’t come down.

She took nothing with her except for her lightsaber, and her staff. If she thought she’d need any of her tools and supplies she might have considered her tool belt, but something told her there would be nothing on this island. Nothing but an old man, hiding from the galaxy. From his mistakes.

It felt disrespectful to simply barge in on that. If she had any respect left for Luke Skywalker, she might have cared.

The docking bay was absolutely flooded with Stormtroopers. High security had been established ever since what remained of the crew of the Finalizer had come to the _Vanguard_. This had been Hux’s command, and yet as the three stood there amidst a veritable sea of white, he cursed himself for this utter lack of privacy. His reputation still meant everything to the stability of his hold on the First Order, now more than ever. And yet.

And yet.

He wanted to kiss Rey, long and deep and not easily forgotten. He wanted to whisper in her ear, reminding her of the promise he’d made. He wanted to do a great many things, and did none of them. Instead, his fists clenched with frustration, and he glared up with disdain at the ship meant to take her away.

Beside him, Rey was saying goodbye to Kylo. She had him by the hand, squeezing gently. Though there were no words said, her lower lip was caught in her teeth, and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. No doubt their conversation remained in the privacy of the Force, a place where Hux could never tread. He’d become more jealous of that privacy, as of late. This, perhaps, was the moment it swelled most uncomfortably.

She let Kylo’s hand go, and turned to reach for Hux’s. He took it easily, turning it up to brush a kiss against the edge of her knuckles. He could have this. No one would fault him this. But no more.

“I look forward to your safe return, my dear.” He told her, the twitch of a frown betraying him. Instantly she could tell that he wanted to say more, _do_ more, and couldn’t. To Rey, that was more than enough.

She gave him a small, secret smile, and said nothing. Her hand was slipping away before he knew it, along with the rest of her. She turned to walk away and boarded the Falcon, stopping only once at the top of the ramp to look at them both.

Kylo took a step forward, surging with sudden need. Hux’s hand snapped out, pressed back against the other man’s abdomen. Stopping him.

He stayed.

Rey hit the switch to set the ramp rising, slowly stealing her from their view. Her eyes were trained on both of them, never letting up.

Then she was gone, and Hux dropped his hand from Kylo’s chest.

“Had yourself a proper farewell, didn’t you?” Hux said. Both men were still staring at the ship, as it began to power up.

Kylo let his silence answer the question. If he thought that would be enough, however, he was wrong.

Hux turned to look up at him, curiosity and something darker playing in his cold gaze. “What did you say to her?” He asked. His voice was kept low and private. He felt like he deserved to know, at the very least.

“I told her what she needed to know.”

Hux’s eyebrows raised just a bit.

“About?”

Now, finally, Kylo’s gaze tore away from the ship to side-glance at Hux, heavy and so telling. Somehow, Hux knew. 

He knew, and it made him nervous.

“You have a flair for the overdramatic.” He scoffed out, hiding behind a mask of arrogance. He thought, quite suddenly, that he was actually glad he hadn’t been privy to that particular conversation. No doubt they would have expected him to _reciprocate._

“Don’t worry.” Kylo told him, turning his eyes back to the Falcon once it had lifted up into the air and begun its slow turn in preparation for departure. “I told her that you love her, too.”

Hux barely managed to restrain a choking sound. “How dare you speak for me.” He murmured, furious over the sudden racing of his traitorous heart. “I’ve acknowledged no such thing.”

If Kylo had a retort, it would have been drowned out by the sound of the Falcon’s engines flaring as it took off into open space. Hux’s head snapped to watch it go, frowning at the trail it left in the sky.

His furrowed brow eventually smoothed out. His frigid gaze turned flat and tranquil. But his frown remained, if only because his expression knew no better way to express emotion than that.

He wondered if Rey had believed him.

He wondered if he was starting to believe it, himself.

With a sharp turn, Admiral Hux left Kylo without another word, parting the sea of troopers with nothing more than his erratic choice of direction. If he realized that Kylo had almost immediately followed him when he left, he gave absolutely no indication of it. He continued all the way back to his quarters, and ignored Kylo when he entered without invitation behind him.

Then he stopped, because the loss of Rey’s presence in this very room hit him hard enough to render him breathless, and if that wasn’t proof that Kylo had been right about him all along, he didn’t know what was.

He hated when Kylo was right. About anything.

He felt the soft slide of long arms wrap around him, enveloping his body with their overbearing possessiveness. And for once, Hux was not annoyed by the way Kylo used his body to claim his stake. He was not frustrated by the imbalance of power, or the way those arms around his body made him feel so, so small.

His head tilted down, as he slumped back against the man, leaving his weight in Kylo’s hands.

He _missed her._ She’d been gone not ten minutes, and he missed her.

So.

This was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy, thank you so much for your continued patience with me here! This was a SUPER busy couple of months for me! First there was a big convention, then I got super sick for weeks, THEN my birthday came around! And now that it's all over I was finally able to sit down and finish up this chapter. I really appreciate you all for sticking with me here!
> 
> So, just some little notes: If you're wondering about Brendol, he's shut off. (I think he deserved a really long rest and reboot, don't you?)
> 
> And again, no major character deaths in this fic, so Finn and Poe are fine planetside, and we'll see them again soon.
> 
> That being said, I've been both dreading and looking forward to FINALLY getting to the Luke Skywalker arc of this story. It's taken way too long but it's been waiting this whole time and finally, finally we're going to get to him. He's not everyone's favorite but he's very important here, so bear with us for a bit while we come to terms with exactly why. You know, other than the fact that he's Luke freakin' Skywalker.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and just letting me know you're still here! It keeps me going!!


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I considered just putting the picture of Adam smiling in the cockpit of his Tie Silencer here because I had no warnings this time around. But instead I'll just remind you it exists. Because it does. And it's glorious.

Once Rey was inside the Falcon, Chewie shook off the grumpy mood that he’d arrived with and enveloped her in those long arms of his. She received a face full of Wookie hair as he squashed her close, hugging her relentlessly. If he heard her protests muffled in his fur, he paid them no heed. Only when he was well and truly done hugging her did he let her go and switch his seat, opening up the pilot’s chair for her to take.

She stood where he’d left her for a moment and reeled at the attack of affection. She was equal parts shocked and thrilled by it, having missed him even after so little time together. 

She slid down into the pilot’s seat, primed the engines for takeoff, and gave him a cheeky smile.

“So, she’s roped you into this as well, has she?” Rey chuckled out. “How’d she manage that one?”

He told her, in a long and mournful wail, that he’d missed her. That was enough reason for him to say yes. If it hadn’t been, seeing Luke and dragging him by the neck back to the Resistance would have been enough, too.

She laughed at his reasoning and lifted the ship, just enough to give them room to maneuver. She tried, without much success, to keep her eyes on the exit and not the two men who stood at the base of the ship, stoically watching her leave.

Chewie noticed where she was looking, and that strange muted feeling returned. She didn’t think Chewie should ever have reason to be so quiet, but she knew that the sight of Kylo, out there on the dock, was doing exactly that.

She kept her eyes straight ahead. For Chewie’s sake.

As they took off, they were already receiving an incoming transmission from the Resistance. The Falcon itself wasn’t in danger of being traced, and Rey switched it on easily. Her face lit up when she heard the familiar voice of Finn on the other side.

“General Organa said it’s safe to talk now.”

“Finn!” She screamed out, earning a wail of complaint from the Wookie beside her. So, quieter, she repeated it. “Finn! Are you all right? What about Poe?”

“Both fine. At least physically. We were the lucky ones.”

A soft series of huffs left Chewbacca. He felt the weight of that terrible number of unlucky ones on his back, just as Rey did on hers.

“Listen.” His voice had softened conspiratorially. “I tried to convince her to let me join you. I could help. I know I could. If you tell me where to go, I’ll still be there with or without her permission. You know that, right?”

Rey and Chewie exchanged glances. In hers, there was worry and just a hint of longing. The idea of getting Finn to join them sounded so tempting, despite the costs. She was very seriously considering it.

In Chewie’s eyes there was only patience, as he waited for her to make the right decision. As he knew she would.

“You.. you’re needed with the Resistance. There’s so few of them now. I won’t be responsible for thinning that number out further.”

“But Rey-”

“Help General Organa. If we’re going to win this war, she’s going to need you more than ever.”

There was a long silence on the other end as he let her words sink in, despite how hard he was trying to fight it. He wanted to do what was right, but not at the expense of losing time with Rey, if he could help it.

This time, he really couldn’t.

“Fine.” He sighed. “ _Fine_. But as soon as you get back here, you’re all mine. No flying off to the First Order immediately. You got me?”

Chewie asked her a question that she did not ever want to answer, and she ignored it to focus on Finn instead.

“I promise. I won’t leave without seeing you.”

And she meant it. Even if it did make her heart hurt to think about postponing her return. For Finn, it was worth it.

* * *

The trip to Ahch-to passed surprisingly quickly. Chewie had much to tell her about the state of the Resistance, and when he was done there was R2-D2 there to tell her things about the man she was about to meet. This included anecdotes that featured a young Leia Organa, and even a young Han Solo at times.

She learned much from the little droid, not least of which was that it had a filthy, filthy mouth.

“Hold on. If the plan was to get Jabba on that skiff all along, then where did Leia fit in to it?” Rey huffed out, utterly confused by the convoluted planning R2 tried to untangle out for her in this particular story. Her question made Chewie bark with laughter, and she pursed her lips in frustration. So far, R2 had not painted the picture of a sage hero, the way she’d thought it would.

The cockpit beeped in warning, signalling a departure from hyperspace. Rey climbed back into the cockpit and prepared for the exit, slowing the ship until the black scenery around them snapped back into place. She pulled back on the throttle, turning towards the small planet that came into view.

Ahch-to was far grayer than Rey was expecting. She knew that the planet was going to be mostly water, but after seeing the beauty of Takodana up close, her heart felt deflated with disappointment nonetheless. She checked the coordinates she’d been given, and began primary landing procedures.

But the closer she got to Luke’s island, the more she began to feel something other than disappointment. It was there in the back of her mind, a deeply hidden memory that kept nibbling at her for attention, demanding to be remembered.

Something felt awfully familiar about this place.

She caught on when she was preparing for landing, and the sharp swoop of the island’s towerlike topography had her sucking in a sharp breath of understanding.

She’d dreamt of this place. She’d seen it, in and out of dreams. When she had reached for peace, in moments of her greatest need; she remembered the sound of waves, the smell of salt. It was as if she’d been there before. She remembered now, clear as day. This was where she went to feel safe.

And something else was down there. Something important.

She landed on a flat sandy bed by the water, with the imposing height of the island looming down at her. When she turned to look at Chewie, she found him staring curiously right back at her. She must have gone quiet, when familiarity had struck. He had been watching her the entire time.

“Don’t act like you’re ready for this, either.” She lamely tossed out, trying to pass off her distraction as burden over their task. He whimpered in wordless response, and she shut off the engines with a flick of her wrist.

R2-D2 was already leaving the ship. She opened her mouth to ask Chewie if that little droid had any intention of sticking with them, but decided that a droid with that much history could do whatever it damn well pleased. It had taken care of itself this long; it would be fine without her.

So she gathered up her meager belongings, and set off with Chewie to begin the long, tedious climb. There were hundreds of stairs in front of them and Rey made a game of it for the first long haul. She counted until she hit 200 and looked up to see she hadn’t even made it halfway.

She stopped counting after that.

Though the planet itself may have disappointed her at first sight, the view from the top of the peak managed quite the opposite. The green was lush here, soft and wavy with the harsh wind that nipped cold on her skin. It was a breathtaking view, and if she hadn’t been out of breath from the climb, she might have had a chance to truly enjoy it. Instead, she found herself searching for signs of life, and found nothing but small pudgy birds hopping around with little interest in her.

Beyond that, around the plateau she’d been looking over, was another path leading down to what looked like huts.

More walking, then. 

Rey briefly wondered if she could just ask Chewie to drag her the rest of the way there. He was certainly strong enough to do it.

They climbed down wordlessly to the huts. One hut was puffing out tiny clouds of smoke, a clear indication that they’d found their target. So Rey walked over to the hut, knocked on the door with her staff, and took a step back.

“Hello?”

She heard movement from inside, and then - silence.

After a few minutes, and an urging by Chewie to try again, she knocked once more. “I’m looking for Luke Skywalker.” She said.

The puff of smoke coming from the hut began to wane and falter, before dissipating entirely. Whoever was inside not only didn’t want to answer the door, but also thought her naive enough to simply assume this meant they were no longer at home.

Now, she was angry.

The butt of her staff smacked against the door harder now, bearing the brunt of her annoyance. “My name is Rey. I’m from the Resistance. Your sister Leia sent me. We need your help.”

Rey continued to be ignored by the tenant, despite her increasingly loud bangs against the door.

Inside, Luke waited. The intruder was persistent, he had to give her that. Still, if he wasn’t already making his point, then she wasn’t going to get the message from silence alone. 

He rolled his eyes, and his head tilted just slightly towards the door as he called out to her, grumpy and impatient.

“Go _away_.”

There was no message clearer than that.

He thought it had worked. At the very least, the girl had stopped knocking, which meant his door was safe from the inevitable knicks and damage she had probably done to it. This was a relief, because the last thing he wanted to worry about right now was making himself a new door.

The entire door flung off of its hinges mere moments after the thought had left his mind, slamming into the bench on the opposite side of his hut and cracking as it fell to the ground. 

He’d jinxed himself.

Before he could worry about whether he was being attacked, the familiar roar had his head swiveling with surprise from the cracked door to the Wookie in his now wide open doorway. Chewbacca barely fit in the hut itself, and Luke pushed down that traitorous joy that tried to overwhelm him at seeing the face of an old friend.

He did not deserve to see old friends.

“Chewie what are you doing here?!” He snapped out, his eyes trained solely on the Wookie even as the girl beside him thought to translate Chewie’s demanding reply of his return. If he wasn’t so intent on ignoring her, he’d have scolded her for thinking he _needed_ her help. 

“How did you find me?”

“Long story, we’ll tell you on the Falcon.”

The girl finally got his attention. To hear that name, from a stranger, worried him. He repeated it in a whisper to himself, as he pieced things together. There was no reason for her to speak of the Falcon as if it was her ship, and not…

Chewie whimpered, soft and heartbroken. Even the girl looked like she’d taken a misstep just by mentioning it. 

“Wait.”

He shook his head, almost imperceptibly. Even without knowing the details, there was no part of this that he wanted to believe. His voice broke when he finally asked, his eyes begging Chewie to tell him that his instinct was wrong.

“Where’s _Han_?”

But the instinct of Luke Skywalker had never been wrong before. Even as he was, a shell of the man he’d once been, he knew.

It wasn’t wrong, now.

* * *

By no means would Admiral Hux allow his time without Rey to go unpurposed. Despite the welling emptiness that her departure had left inside of him, he was still the man he’d always been, and he was still determined to do everything in _his_ power to find and eliminate Snoke. This meant dealing with his brother, who’d been offline since their evacuation from the Finalizer.

And it meant handling the increasing agitation of the only Force user he had left on this ship, whose foul moods were quickly returning now that Rey was gone.

While these might have been priorities, they were by no means his only responsibilities. The Stormtrooper program had undergone dangerous changes since he’d taken power, and he was still carefully overseeing the application and effect of said changes. There were multiple breaches in security as of late, and the newfound independence of his soldiers did not put his mind at ease over their continued support during this trying time.

Motivational speeches were still needed. Individual monitoring and randomized testing had to be scheduled. And the ships needed to be absolutely scoured for holes in their security systems.

And that that was only the tip of the iceberg.

He’d just sent Phasma to conduct an extensive training exercise with a fresh group of troopers and monitor their psychological changes, when he’d decided this was as good a time as ever to wake up his brother. He needed Brendol’s help, in more ways than one.

If his brother was going to be of any help at all.

He entered the darkened control room and stood beside what might as well have been a corpse, sitting on a chair beside him. Brendol was hooked up to a dozen machines, barely keeping his body functioning as his mind remained offline. Hux booted up a program, entering several security codes into the control panel, and let the system begin the slow process of waking Brendol from his forced coma. As the program booted him up, Hux reached for a nearby chair and sat down in it, across from his brother. He expected this would not be a peaceful awakening.

It took several minutes before Brendol began to show signs of life. His breathing quickened, deepened into something less mechanical. His eyes flickered left to right behind closed eyelids, as he traveled through sleep cycles so quickly it left him dreaming in nanoseconds. Then it was over, and his eyes were fluttering open.

Immediately, they looked like they wanted to cry. If they’d had that capability.

“Armie?” He whispered, his voice hoarse and tight with emotion.

Hux did not even bother to reprimand his brother for the misuse of his proper nickname. After all, they were alone, and Brendol had already been through so much. In this room, he could call him what he liked.

He reached out and pressed his hand against Brendol’s knee. His brother’s leg jerked at the sensation, before immediately reaching for the hand and grasping it desperately. Hux wrapped his other hand around them both, and simply let Brendol glean what little comfort he could from this tender touch.

“It’s me, Brendol.” Hux assured him. “Just me. You’re safe. Don’t rush. You’ve been asleep for some time, just give your mind time to-”

“How many died, Armie?”

There would be no rest for Brendol’s bleeding heart, it seemed.

“We have no official numbers. General Leia and several others are safe on Dantooine. Snoke’s plan to eliminate the Resistance has failed.”

Brendol’s lip trembled, and he forced himself to sit up straight, off of the chair his body had been lain against for days. His eyes focused, hard and lifeless, on Hux’s face. “Did he? Did he _fail_? Or was his plan to make the stars run red with blood? Because he damn well succeeded with flying colors on that one, brother. And don’t you dare tell me he didn’t.”

He was angry. Good. Rage was good. Rage was better than sadness. If Brendol wanted to get mad about this, Hux was all too willing to encourage it. After all, he was angry, too.

And anger got things done.

“Then we’ll just have to find him all the quicker, won’t we?” Hux sighed out, squeezing Brendol’s hand. “This can’t go unpunished. Are we in agreement on that?”

Brendol’s eyes narrowed, and he slowly slid his hand away from Hux’s grip. “I know what you’re trying to do. I’m not one of your mindless foot soldiers, Armie. I don’t need a pep talk to get back to work.”

Hux paused, before letting out a soft chuckle. His brother was many things, but mindless would never be one of them. “Fair enough. You’re free to plug in and get to work whenever you feel up to the task. And I, as always, am at your disposal.”

“How did she take it?”

The question threw Hux. It took him a moment of blind searching before he realized who the she in that sentence was referring to.

His brother was so much sharper when it came to emotions than he ever would be. He felt a lance of jealousy strike through him, passing as quickly as it had come.

“She is as determined as we all are to get revenge for the atrocities the Supreme Leader has committed against our allies. She is seeking for another weapon as we speak, in the hopes that a more powerful Force user could be the determining factor in bringing him down.” 

“She’s gone?” Brendol caught that part of the sentence and clung to it harder than the rest.

It took Hux a moment, before he sharply nodded, and rose to leave his brother in peace. When he made it to the door, he turned his head and glanced at Brendol from the side. “I need to assure this galaxy is safe for her.” Hux admitted, his voice lowered to a hush. “For that, I will need your help.”

Brendol’s face brightened just slightly, though the lines of mourning were still etched on his sad face. He’d never heard his brother ask for his help like that, and certainly not for a reason so noble.

It gave him a great deal of hope to hear it.

“I’ll do my very best.” He promised, strength in his words. “For both of you.”

Hux took the words to heart, let them assure him as best as they could, and then nodded gratefully before disappearing through the door to head for the bridge, and the next crisis.

* * *

Arguing with Luke had become a fruitless, exhausting gesture. He’d turned her away more times than she could count, but Rey had a patient soul, and a fierce determination about her. She followed him silently, day after day, waiting for something to change. Waiting for him to turn around and change his mind about her. Waiting for him to come back with her.

Waiting for him to come back.

She knew all about waiting.

* * *

On the day the Uneti tree and the books inside had called out to her, she hadn’t hesitated to abandon Luke’s daily routine in order to follow its call. It shouldn’t have surprised her to find that it was this choice, above her others, that would get his attention. His sudden interest reminded her just a little too much of his nephew, suddenly captivated with curiosity simply because she’d shown some connection to the Force.

“Who are you?” He’d asked, after she’d explained that she’d seen this place before in dreams. No matter how many times she told him, he wasn’t accepting her answer. She couldn’t blame him. It was only half the truth.

But Rey did not believe he deserved the truth. Not yet.

“I am someone who is trying to save the people I care about. You do remember what that’s like, don’t you?” Her voice had taken on a sharp quality, needling its way into Luke’s battered heart. “Or has it been so long, you’ve already forgotten?”

She’d had his curiosity, but her words had his attention now. She spoke as if she’d known him, known more about him than just the legend. She was Leia’s champion, now - and he’d be a fool to be blind to just how much power the girl in front of her wielded. She was strong, contained..

And well taught.

Leia?

No… he’d never had a chance to share more than just the basics with Leia.

Then… who?

“What do you think is going to happen if I come back with you?” He barked back at her, his defenses risen until he was on edge with discomfort. “You think what, I'm going to walk down with a laser sword and face the whole First Order?”

Rey sucked in a sharp, unhappy breath.

“No, actually.”

Luke had been preparing to continue when she surprised him into silence with that answer. “Then, what?”

This was going to be tricky. Rey knew there was a chance, a rather big one in fact, that Luke Skywalker was about to kick her off of his island by force. She had to be very, very careful.

“I don’t need you to face the First Order. They’re no longer a threat. I’m here because Leia is certain you’re our only hope of stopping Snoke, once and for all.”

That name had Luke’s face blanching whiter than when he’d realized Han had died. He sighed, and stumbled back, reaching for one of the natural slats the tree offered, so he could sit against its unfinished flat edge.

Rey watched him crumble, her expression pinching with worry. She stepped forward and crouched down in front of Luke, looking up into his far-away expression. He looked so tired. So full of regret.

But his silence disturbed her.

“You can’t tell me you didn’t know about the leader of the First Order.” She breathed out, though she wouldn’t have been that surprised.

Luke’s eyes were wet, glassy eyed even as they turned down to settle on her. He chuckled - a mirthless thing, haunted and sad.

“No. I knew about Snoke. I know Snoke. All too well.”

The weight behind those words threatened to distract Rey from her purpose. 

“Then you must understand the importance of your return. Now, when he’s the only evil left in the galaxy. His death would mean freedom and safety for a countless number of people. And your sister is sure that you’re the only one who can stop him.”

She paused, then, as curiosity _finally_ got the best of her. Her nose wrinkled as the next question came tumbling out before she could regret it.

“... Why _does_ she think that, can I ask?”

The distance in Luke’s eyes disappeared. He was looking at Rey again, truly seeing the girl there by his knees, and she felt instant embarrassment.

“I mean, not to question your abilities, but you’re not the only Force user out there-”

“And who else is Leia going to send? You?” Luke chuckled as Rey’s cheeks blushed furiously in front of him. He patted her head with one hand, and sighed. “Ah, she might be better off. Honestly, she puts too much faith in an old man. I don’t know you, Rey - but at the very least, you’re as stubborn as you’d need to be to beat Snoke.” He gave her a calculating look, and it turned critical as he sized her up. “But you could use a teacher.”

Rey could feel the tiny hairs on her neck stand on end. Her blood boiled, hot and angry, at the very idea that this man thought _he_ had anything to teach her. Her rage was palpable, and it made Luke’s eyes widen with surprise.

When she spoke, it was with venom. “I already _have_ a teacher.” She told him.

And instantly, she regretted it.

Suspicion clouded in those old eyes, turning them ugly. “Who?”

She scrambled for an answer that did not involve betraying the man she loved, but there wasn’t much for her to choose from. “A man on my home planet, Jakku. He wasn’t strong with the Force, but he understood it. He taught me what he knew, and Leia told me the rest.” Lying tasted filthy on Rey’s tongue, but it was a necessary evil to keep from scaring Luke off too soon. She swallowed the bitterness, and continued. “Besides. I’m not here for a lesson. I’m here to bring you _home._ ”

Rey had never been a very good liar, but she thought this was her best one yet. Even so, she was facing a mind reader, and though she’d practiced diligently on blocking, Luke did not seem keen to letting the suspicion go.

“You said the First Order is no longer a threat.” He pointed out, recalling her words from earlier. “Why? Have they all been destroyed?”

She was so busted.

“The First Order staged a coup against Snoke.” Rey thought that an abridged version of the truth might be better suited for the moment, rather than trying to outright lie to someone as sharp and penetrating as he. “They ousted him, and he’s seeking his revenge in the most dangerous manner. To stop Snoke from succeeding, the First Order chose to team up with the Resistance, rather than fight against them - it’s not an easy alliance, and Leia trusts them about as far as she can throw them right now - but it’s working.”

“An alliance between the First Order and the Resistance.” Luke barked out in sharp laughter. “And you believe it’s _working_?”

“It _is_.” Rey bit out through clenched teeth in reply. “But none of that matters if Snoke manages to destroy both of them with the ships he’s retained. Now, are you going to help us or not?”

Luke looked as if he was still fighting off the urge to laugh this entire story off, but he kept seeing something in her eyes. A hard, familiar glint.

He was glad, suddenly, that she had not come here to learn to be a Jedi. He would have refused her, at all costs. He couldn’t do that again.

Not to her, not to himself, and not to the entire galaxy.

“Not.” Luke said, standing up so suddenly it had Rey falling backwards onto her ass. He moved to exit the tree, stopping only when Rey leapt back up to her feet and threw a question at his back that could not be ignored.

“How do you know Snoke?”

She hadn’t forgotten the way he’d looked when she’d said his name. Nor had she forgotten the haunting cadence of his voice when he admitted that he’d known Snoke all too well. The way he froze in the doorway told her she’d asked the right question, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for the answer.

She had other questions, too… but this one suddenly took priority over them all.

For now.

“You’ve met him.” She guessed, forcing Luke to turn his head towards her. “Haven’t you? You know what he’s like. What he can do. And you _know_ he needs to be stopped. So how can you say no to me like that?”

Luke swiveled around, storming forward until he was inches from her face. His voice seethed. “Why did you think I chose the hardest location to find in the entire galaxy?” He asked her, trembling with emotion. 

“Because you’re a _coward_ ”. She spat out, daring him to refute it.

He didn’t.

“Didn’t you ever wonder how Snoke became the nightmare he is now? Did you think he was born that way, Rey? Or were you too busy imagining ways to kill him that you didn’t stop to care?”

It was true; she’d never given thought to what made Snoke as treacherous and lethal as he was today. Not like she’d done with -

“Do you think his apprentice, _Kylo Ren_ , was born evil, too?”

He’d put too much emphasis on Kylo’s name, and it had achieved its intended effect. Just the sound of Kylo’s name transformed Rey’s face, filling it with emotion and longing so deep it became obvious. Her expression, her very heart, betrayed her in that moment.

Luke surged forward, grabbing her by the shoulders and pinning her to the wall of the tree. When she struggled to move, she could tell it was not only his arms keeping her frozen, either. 

“ _Who are you._ ”

Her teeth grit as she fought against the incapacitation, trying to free herself before bothering to answer the question. When it was clear she wasn’t going to tell him anything where she was, the power holding her hostage was abruptly released, and she fell hard to her hands and knees against the ground, bent a foot away from his feet.

“Tell me the _truth_.”

She knew she had no choice.

“I’m the reason the First Order and the Resistance are working together.” Her breathing was labored, as the words tumbled breathlessly from her. She didn’t bother getting up as she let it all go. “I work between them. To stop this war. And to end the only true enemy we all have left.” 

She turned her head upward, bent to glare up at him. Her eyes were fierce, unapologetic. “Because I _never_ stopped believing that people can change. And that includes the boy _you_ tried to murder.”

Luke barely winced.

“So I’m here.” She continued, pushing herself up to her feet. “Not because I believe that you can save us. But because I believe that whatever mistakes you’ve made in the past, even the most _unforgivable_ ones, don’t matter. What matters is that you have a chance to change all of that.”

She stood again at her full height, and Luke could see the Force moving within her, like a beacon of power. An unmistakable sign that he, as determined as he was, had made the wrong choice in turning her down.

“So you’re coming home with me.” She told him. “Despite how much I think you deserve to stay on this island and rot, you’re _coming home with me._ Back to all the mistakes you’ve ever made, so you can face them, one by one.”

She held out her hand. It did not shake or falter.

“And you’re going to make them right.”

Luke stared at her hand, his brow furrowing in distress. This girl, this Rey of Jakku with Ben’s fire in her eyes, had the kind of uniquely stirring, well-spoken manner that reminded him of his own sister. How could anyone ever say no to Leia, when she became so determined? 

How could he say no to this girl, now?

He took her hand, though it came at great reluctance, and she closed her fingers around it, gripping him tight.

“You don’t know what you’re asking.” Luke muttered, defeat threading through his tired voice.

She wrapped her other hand around his and stepped forward. “Then tell me.” She said, the fire gone out of her voice. “But I promise you. It won’t change my mind.”

He believed her, though changing her mind wasn’t exactly what he was worried about. The truth came easily, now. Perhaps the truth would have been a better weapon to keep people away, in the end. It just wasn’t a truth he was ever ready to face.

“What did he tell you?” Luke asked, dropping his eyes down to the hands clasped in front of him. “About the day the Temple was destroyed.”

Rey’s hand tightened, but not out of comfort. Just as suddenly it released him, dropping down to her sides. “He told me you tried to kill him. You sensed his power, and thought it was too late. It wasn’t.”

Luke sighed.

“It wasn’t his power I sensed. It was his future. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction and pain and death at the end of _everything_ I loved because of what he'd become, and for the briefest moment I thought I could stop it.”

Luke’s heart raced as he remembered that moment. His lightsaber ignited, held up against his sleeping nephew. Against a boy. A boy who would become a man that would follow in Snoke’s footsteps.

“I’d sensed his raw strength once before. It didn’t scare me enough to act on it then. I wasn’t ready to make the same mistake twice.”

“Twice?” Rey’s eyes narrowed, flinty as something tugged at her heart. An understanding of the truth she wasn’t ready to accept. Something told her to stop him, to abandon this mission and leave the man alone in this tree, on this island, on this planet. To just leave.

Leave, before he said another word.

“The moment passed like a fleeting shadow.” Luke was too deep in his memory to even bother answering Rey’s suspicion yet. He was still reliving the moment he’d turned Ben against him with his own weakness. “I was left with shame… and with consequences.”

Rey’s heart clenched. She imagined herself in Ben’s place, in that moment. Betrayed by her own family. She couldn’t decide what hurt worse; the idea of having a family betray you in such a manner, or never having a family in the first place.

It was the first time in her entire life that she did not envy someone for having a family at all.

“The last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose master had failed him.”

Ben’s heart had turned fully to darkness in that moment, Rey was sure of it. He’d fled into the only arms still willing to have him, that of his future tormenter and abuser. Luke had driven him right into the waiting hands of Snoke.

Rey swallowed. She couldn’t stand to think of how much pain Kylo had gone through to become who he was now - or how much strength it must take to rise up from that pain, and love despite it.

“You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn’t. There was still conflict in him.”

“How could you know that.” Luke whispered, but the weakness in his voice told her that he already knew it was true.

“I’ve seen it. I’ve felt the Light in him. Even now, he struggles to come back from what Snoke’s done to him. From what you’ve done. And he’s _winning_.”

Hope was a feeling that had become foreign, and unwelcome to Luke. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel hope in a long time, and it stung like a vibroblade to the chest, twitching his heart painfully without his permission. 

“Then you, of all people, should understand most why I can’t come back to kill Snoke for you.”

Dread filled Rey like ice running down her veins.

“Why’s that?” She asked. But every part of her warned her that she didn’t want to know the answer.

Luke breathed in a long, drawn out sigh, and spoke words he’d promised he’d never have to hear again.

“Because I believed in him too, once.” He said. “Snoke. Not the nightmare he’s become, no. But the man he once was.” His eyes lifted meaningfully, meeting Rey’s. “Turning on Ben wasn’t the first mistake I’d ever made as a Jedi Master. That honor belongs to him alone. Snoke.”

The pain of loss lanced straight through Luke’s heart.

“My first apprentice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're finally here. Took forever to get to this point but I hope I kept things vague enough in previous chapters that this wasn't just expected. I've been both dreading and really impatient to get to this chapter, and now that it's here I actually think it turned out okay, and I hope you guys agree!
> 
> Also, I hope you don't mind but I tried to gloss over parts of Rey's time on Ahch-to with Luke that were exact to the movie. We've all seen it, and many of us have probably even read the book already at this point (not me but I sure have read some good reylo spoilers!) and I doubt you wanted to re-read it all over again. There's a lot that's different however, because Rey's a very different person now and I think that needed to be reflected in her interactions with Luke. She's not searching for family and guidance anymore. SHE'S GOT IT. :D
> 
> Also that means the island won't be sucking her down any vagina holes anytime soon so, sorry if that scene was your fav. ALSO THERE WILL BE NO MILKING. NONE.
> 
> Anyway it was really great getting to hear from you guys and knowing that you're all still reading! Thank you so much for your support! If you like the story, please consider reblogging it on tumblr for me? I'd love to keep a more steady flow of writing going but as with all writers motivation is hard to come by, and community outreach as well as support is so important for that. I'm so grateful for all the support I've received from you guys in the past, the art and the reblogs and the comments and the LOVE, SO MUCH LOVE. It's made this process really exciting and fun, from start to finish.
> 
> And come talk to me on tumblr anytime! I FRIGGIN LOVE IT!
> 
> Thank you to [Sheila](http://aicosu.tumblr.com) again for betaing, she's a dream come true.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at [every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com](http://every-day-is-star-wars-day.tumblr.com/) for updates, questions, star wars things and sometimes just nonsense.


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